New Sunrise
by nickaroos
Summary: A Little More Heart sequel. The Cullens have been irrevocably changed; none more so than Esme and Carlisle. Returning to Ithaca hopefully they are ready for what 2006 holds. Rise or fall everything depends on whether or not the Carlisle and Esme that emerged from Newfoundland can find a way forward for them all. *COMPLETE*
1. Working Through Things

Title: New Sunrise

Summary: This is the sequel to _A Little More Heart_. The Cullens have been irrevocably changed, but none more so than Esme and Carlisle. After spending two months sequestered in Newfoundland, Carlisle and Esme return to Ithaca hoping that they are ready for what the future holds, but not even Alice is able to foretell what 2006 will contain. As each family member grows and changes, they are faced as a unit with adjusting to each other and events outside of themselves. Rise or fall everything depends on whether or not the Carlisle and Esme that emerged from Newfoundland can find a way forward for them all.

The story picks up where _A Little More Heart_ left off and is also told from Esme's pov.

Also, note that although story is AU, characters are to cannon as developed in _My Family is Odd_ , _Cosmology Shifts_ , and then _A Little More Heart_.

Rating: T for mild language and relationship elements. Relationship elements contain adult themes like being parents and being married. Consequently, this story may not be suitable for younger teens.

Disclaimer: _Obviously I am not Stephenie Meyer (SM). The story is mine apart from the parts she created. When other writers' stories are referenced, credit is given to them at the top of the chapter._

 _In this chapter the image of Rosalie's reaction to Emmett after he was turned is inspired by staringatthesky's story **All That I Am (Rosalie)** here on FF._

 _Jasper's mad hacking skills comes from Jessica314 here on FF._

Beta: **kiwihipp** I cannot say thank her enough for her keen eye (any remaining errors are mine, as I have a tendency to fiddle), thoughtful questions, attempts at keeping me accurate, and inspirations. This would not look the same without you.

(Updated: 11 Dec 17)

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 **Chapter 1: Working Through Things**

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Rosalie's, Emmett's, Jasper's, and Alice's visit over Christmas and New Years had been a blessing. Both Carlisle and I had been glad to have the family together. At the same time, I was appreciative to have Carlisle to myself once more. Carlisle and my time before they had arrived had been healing, but many conversations were still needed between the two of us after they had left. Therefore, it was with mixed feelings that I had bid them goodbye. A part of me wanted to ignore the elephants in the room and simply enjoy the private time with my husband. Another part of me wanted to have the work we had come to Newfoundland complete, despite knowing that it would be neither easy nor quick.

It was to be expected that the patterns we had created after over eighty years of marriage were not going to disappear after a few months. Adding to that natural occurrence that time created, Carlisle and I were adjusting to the new individuals we had become as a result of our conversations and my story, both with ourselves and with each other. I had regained some of my brazen self-assured ways and Carlisle had begun to see how my imagined version of him wouldn't lead him to ruin.

It wasn't fair to Carlisle or even myself, but I would be dishonest if I didn't admit that on occasion I still got a flare of frustration with the man keeping me company in Newfoundland. Certainly my imagined Carlisle had qualities that the Carlisle with me did not. Their paths had been different, which had resulted in slightly different outcomes. The most unfair element about it was that the Carlisle with me in Newfoundland was really working hard to change and considering his years on the earth that was an achievement. His desire to improve was a testament to his love for me. Nevertheless, the flares of irritation didn't stop.

Once they had departed, we had needed to consider how the four who had come visited us were adjusting to my story, which added to the work between us. Just as my imagining had altered myself and then Carlisle, it had altered them as well, albeit in different ways and in different degrees. I suspected that Jasper and Rosalie had been the most affected, for very different reasons. Jasper's understanding of vampire's nature and behaviours had been rocked, while Rosalie had allowed the story to give her empathy she hadn't experienced before. I just wasn't sure if the alterations I had witnessed in their week after my storytelling were for their betterment yet.

Although Rosalie had not been the only one impacted by the week the six of us had spent together, she had been the most vocal about her discomfort. The most apt way to describe her behaviour would be that she was in a tiff, which had not dissipated upon her leaving Newfoundland. Nevertheless, I was hopeful that as my storytelling had improved Carlisle and I, despite the upheavals, it had positively touched all six of them as well. Although, even in the midst of my hope, I was aware that change would be difficult.

That hope was challenged when, even though the satellite phone was intended for emergencies, Rosalie took to calling once a week to ask when we were coming back. Despite there banal content, I worried about their repetitive nature.

"So, Mom, are you and Carlisle heading back to civilization yet?" she would ask tersely her disapproval apparent.

"Hello to you too Rose," I would reply cordially subtly reminding her of her manners.

I would hear her huff before she spoke again this time ensuring that her tone was one that was more pleasant. "Hi Mom, how are things in Newfoundland?"

"We are doing well, Rose. We're still working on things, talking a lot. How are your travels?"

"They're fine," she would say reminding me of Edward those months before he left to hunt humans, each time insisting that nothing was wrong, when clearly he had been bothered.

How Carlisle managed to turn two teenagers with so many similar qualities defied logic.

"Fine?" I would challenge her with a tone that told her that I expected a response closer to the truth.

"I'm fine," she would insist before crumpling and adding, "It's just not the same since New Years. I want you to come home." By the end her tone would be so sad and small and defeated.

How I wish I had the words to aid whatever ailed her. I had a few ideas, but nothing seemed to be making an impact.

"You're not at home, Rose," I would remind her softly.

There would be a pause. "I know," another pause but shorter, "it's not the same to be home without you. I'd rather travel."

"I understand, honey," I would tell her sympathetically. "Can you understand that having time just the two of us is something that Carlisle and I need to do?"

She would huff her ire returning. "Yes, but I don't have to like it."

"No, Rose, you don't," I would agree, "but you do have to respect it and us."

"Yeah, I know," she would whine. "I just don't like it."

"Rose," I would utter softly forcing her to focus on my voice, "there is no reason to be afraid. If something happened we would leave immediately. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, Mom, I know." She would sound down and defeated.

"You okay, honey?" I would ask hoping this time she would be honest with me, or at least with herself.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I got to go. Come back to civilization soon," she would nearly demand.

"Love you too Rose," I would tell her earnestly.

"Bye Mom," she would tell me in a disagreeable tone.

Some of the parts of the conversation would change here and there, but overall it was the same. And despite its repetitious nature, each time Carlisle and I discussed the conversation and what was happening with her. By the third time we concluded that the calls were her way of getting reassurance that her world wasn't falling apart. Flexibility and shifting with changes certainly weren't Rosalie's strongest characteristics.

"I don't think we can ever say enough words to convince her, Carlisle," I concluded at the end of our discussion regarding her third call.

"Unfortunately, I agree," Carlisle added sadly. After a few moments he continued, "I afraid on behalf of her, Esme. This behaviour is so unlike her."

Pondering his words I told him after a while, "It is a little like when Emmett first came into our lives. She would vacillate between extreme haughtiness, where we were afraid that she would walk out and never return, and fear that would cause her to hide in her room. I suspect that she hates being afraid and so fights it with anger, but sometimes it overtakes her."

"Emmett was exactly what she needed then, even though his presence was the catalyst for her vacillation. He doesn't seem to be able to aid her in the same way this time," he mused.

"Perhaps that is because Emmett is struggling as well. He is as straightforward as Rosalie is complicated, and prone to action as much as she dislikes change. His reaction of seeing things clearly, adjusting, and then wanted to act is much more like your desire to solve problems, where she wants to put things back to how they were before."

After deep consideration he pondered, "So they're at a deadlock?"

"Perhaps," I agreed. "Or perhaps she simply needs your assurance that you have not changed and that you love her no less?"

He looked at me shocked and bewildered. "Why might she be concerned about that? If I loved her no less through her newborn years or her murder of her attackers, why would your story change that?"

"Because it changed how she saw you. She might have woken up angry with you and hating what you did to her, but it was you that saved her from death. Like a storm she has fumed and raged against you proving and making herself in the process. But of all our children, she is the one that has never once tasted human blood. She believes in your values all the while holding her grudge, and for the first time she began to see the world from your point of view a little. Her reaction to my story was first and foremost about you. I think that the image of you that she painted in her head when she first awoken has been her anchor, and my story inadvertently stole that from her."

He looked very contemplative before he spoke. "You are describing all that I have hoped to be to her."

"She did go to school to become a doctor," I pointed out.

"Yes, we've had this conversation before," he teased. After a moment he mused, "Could it really be that all these years railing against me brought her comfort?"

"It would seem so," I mused. "She will adjust. Give her time."

After taking account of my assessment he asked, "Do you think that she'll ever be restored to the confident, daring, protective young woman we know?"

"Yes," I told him after some reflection. "It's there within her, but I suspect that her greatest fears are being highlighted with these circumstances. That is not something Emmett can help her with. In truth, the best thing we can do for her and for us is to continue with what we came here to do."

"Oh and what was that my dear wife?" Carlisle asked slyly.

Giggling Rosalie's interruption was forgotten once more.

Not to say that our physical rediscovering of each other wasn't important; it was. As a couple we needed words and an emotional connection, but we also needed the reminders that only a physical connection could give. The downside was that those hours weren't spending talking.

By the fourth call I improved in my ability to comfort and reassure Rosalie, which led to shorter conversations.

No one else ever called.

"What are we going to do about Edward?" Carlisle asked one day near the end of January out of the blue as we were coming back from hunting. The sun was up, but still low on the horizon, although it wouldn't rise far, given the time of year.

"What can we do?" I asked curious where Carlisle's mind was on this topic.

"We could hunt him down and drag him back home," he said in joking tone, but I suspected he was more serious than anything about the idea.

Nonetheless, I giggled at the image, and then frowned at what was a more likely possibility. "Would that work?" I asked him seriously.

We both slowed down keeping our hands intertwined.

Eventually Carlisle answered, "No, probably not, as it didn't work the last time Alice found him."

"No it didn't Carlisle." I squeezed his hand. "Don't worry. He's a skilled fighter. He kept himself in one piece before and this time he's got years of sparring with his brothers and training from Jasper."

He nodded reluctantly then admitted grievously and with a deep heaviness, "I can't lose him, Esme."

Stopping our progression, I turned to him placing my right hand onto his left cheek. "Carlisle, I don't want to imagine life without him. I have hope that he will return, worse for wear, possibly, but he will return. At the same time, Carlisle, I don't like having you thinking like that. You may not want to lose him. You would hurt and ache in a way you've never experienced before, but in the unlikely event that were to happen, you would not have failed him."

Carlisle being afraid was foreign. He was stable and calm, occasionally concerned, but not afraid. He hadn't even retained his fear when we had met Ephraim Black. Carlisle had seemed to have an incredible capacity to see the world half-full in a way that gave him hope when often there was none. Had my story inadvertently taken that from him? First had been our conversation about Rosalie and now Edward. I didn't want to consider how he would lead us if he was filled with fear. It would never work.

"What if I have already?" he challenged pulling me out of my foreboding thoughts.

"How could you have possibly failed your son to which you have shown nothing but encouragement, patience, compassion, and love?" I questioned him after collecting myself.

"Look at his choices, Esme," he stated briskly as if building an argument. "He ran away from us and hunted humans."

"You mean: he ran away from you and stopped agreeing with your view of humans," I contested my voice soft and low.

His face fell looking incredibly vulnerable like a stiff wind would knock him over.

"Carlisle?" I asked concerned.

He didn't move.

"Carlisle, look at me," I directed gently.

He lifted his head after a few moments as if my request had taken time to penetrate into his skull.

"Carlisle, he did not run away from you the first time," I insisted. "He did not run away from you this time."

Where had this fear of failure, this fear of inadequacy, this fear of rejection come from? Had it been within him all along? Had my story uncovered it? Whatever was going on with him, I had to hope that it would pass quickly.

He looked at me dubiously.

Continuing I asserted, "He ran away in arrogance and haughtiness. He ran away to try to run from himself. And when he returns home he will do so because he will realize that running doesn't solve his problems or simply because he got tired of running. And when he does we will help him put himself back together and see the cost of his choices. We will parent him because that is what he needs from us."

"You sound so sure, Esme," he said doubtfully. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because, Carlisle, I know our son well, and I have faith in him," I explained gently certain in my words.

"Faith he won't feed from humans again?" he asked sounding slightly dubious.

"I believe he learned that lesson. Not to mention that he managed to drink from Bella and stop. He won't succumb, but he might choose to drink from humans again. I doubt it, but it's always a possibility with any of us."

"He did stop," he mused.

"Yes he did," I agreed.

"And when he sets his mind to something nothing can alter it," he stated.

"This is true," I concurred.

"And he agreed over and over that the cost of hunting humans was too high to bear on his conscious," he added.

"That is also true."

"So, the chances of him changing his mind, especially after the temptation Bella posed, is remote," he concluded.

"My thinking exactly," I teased him.

Looking over at me, he smiled. Then he relaxed some and started walking again. He had a bemused twinkle in his eye. "Faith again, huh?" he mused playfully.

I said nothing allowing Carlisle time to wrestle with his thoughts.

When we were less than a mile from the house Carlisle spoke again. "It sounds so easy: have faith. But honestly, Esme, I'm terrified. Having faith means there's nothing I can actively do. It means letting go. Everything inside me resists this. I want to solve the problem."

His admission concerned me. Carlisle had never before, in all the time I had known him, described himself as terrified. Had these sentiments been present within him when Edward had left the first time and he had simply not voiced them? How many things had been left unsaid between us? How many lies by omission were there? These thoughts made me nervous. Carlisle loved me unequivocally and I him. Love would conquer everything else. I had to believe that.

Squeezing his hand, I said in support, "I understand," hoping that these two words assured him and encouraged him to let go of his fear. I paused for a few minutes. "You are first and foremost a scientist. Your mind sees a problem and it wants to break it apart, understand the root cause, and solve the problem therefore healing the patient. You've been doing that in some way or another for three hundred years. That is a long time. In my story you still did that, but you also allowed your heart to have a say."

He held himself attentively not contesting me, but looking concerned about what my point might be.

I paused briefly before continuing. "Please, Carlisle, I need you to hear me. Our son is not a problem. He wasn't a problem for you to solve when he was moody and angry and lost in the pain his gift brought him. He isn't now with his broken heart and his noble desire to give Bella humanity. He doesn't need solving." By the end my tone had increased in volume and I was punctuating each word.

Carlisle tightened up as if every muscle wanted to spring at me and he constrained himself. Instead he turned away from me, and entered the house clearly angry. Terrified and now angry? I wasn't sure if I liked this new Carlisle. Unable to face him, Charles' shadow hanging heavily over me, I travelled a few hundred yards and found an inviting tree. Nestling myself into one of its large branches, I stilled myself completely with my back against the trunk and gave my whole attention to the nature around me.

The passage of time was irrelevant until I felt Carlisle scale the tree. It was dark, but had it been hours or days? It did not matter in the scheme of things. What mattered was this man coming towards me.

He moved to a branch above mine and then hanging down placed himself further down my branch giving a good three feet between us. He looked at me for a while saying nothing. When he did speak it was so soft that the wind almost prevented me from hearing him. "Have you always thought what you said?"

"Which part Carlisle?" I asked quietly unable to help myself from watching him carefully for signs that he would lash out at me.

"Oh, please, Esme, please," he begged, "don't be afraid of me. Your words stabbed me to my core, but even then I had no thoughts to hurt you. Please," he pleaded.

Looking down at my hands ashamed, I admitted, "I can't help it, Carlisle. You were angry. I wish Charles hadn't conditioned me in such ways, but it is there nonetheless. You get angry so seldom and usually it's at the injustice of things, not at me. I'm sorry," I blubbered feeling terrible that I had doubted him in this way.

"Please, Esme, look at me," he requested gently. "I loath the thought of you being afraid of me."

Viewing him through my eyelashes he didn't look upset at all. If anything he looked hurt. "It's more being afraid of anger, Carlisle, than you," I admitted. Examining him more fully, I put up a finger as he opened up his mouth. "Hold on a minute," I requested.

For the first time I fully considered what was happening between us. When we had first courting he had been so aware of me, of every flinch, of ever shudder. He had responded with comfort and grace and gentleness. Perhaps he hadn't shown his anger because of this very reason–he was afraid of my response.

Gazing at him straight in the eyes, I asked him bluntly, "Carlisle, have you been hiding your anger from me over the years?"

He appeared puzzled and then had the look he gets when he's reviewing his memory. "Not that I'm aware of, but I am careful around you in that way, just like I'm careful about my thoughts when Edward is around or how Rosalie doesn't like me to touch her. I try to be thoughtful about how those things affect others."

"Healthy couples can show their anger around each other, right?" I asked needing confirmation.

He smiled sadly. "For human couples anyway getting upset at one another is par for the course, and Rosalie and Emmett seem to be able to express their anger around the other. Maybe?" he answered clearly not sure.

"It would seem like it," I mused. "I don't like that I immediately become afraid if you're angry. That doesn't seem right. You've done nothing to give me reason to be afraid. And it's probably not good for you that you, purposefully or not, keep your anger to yourself."

He looked at me dubiously.

"So, how about we try again; this time we'll just talk. You express your anger and why you walked away from me, and I'll work on not being afraid. Is that a deal?" I asked.

Smiling slightly at me he teased, "The kids are having a bad influence on you."

"Maybe," I agreed smiling broadly.

"All right. I'll agree to your terms," he stated his smile growing some until it faded and he began to frown.

I put my hands folded on my lap and pressed my back into the bark of the trunk telling myself over and over that I was safe.

"I was angry, but not at you," he began. "In my head I know that my son isn't a problem to be solved, and I would have in the past vehemently disagreed if anyone would have suggested that was what I was doing. But for some reason when you said what you did, it was like it became noise ringing in my ears and everything you said became true. I know you meant no harm and you only spoke the truth as you saw it. You have to know, Esme, that I wasn't upset with you in the least, except in the little way that a king might want to shoot the messenger, but truly I was only upset with myself.

"All these years, I've only wanted him to have the joy I have experienced. I have wanted him to be happy. I saw his unhappiness as something to solve, a sign of how I had failed him perhaps, rather than accepting him as he was. And you're right. I did the same before he left to kill Charles. I kept trying to make him happy instead of hearing that he was miserable and why." By this point his frustration had grown to irritation and then to ire.

Watching him carefully, I told myself over and over that I was safe. I tried to smile at him as encouragement, but it might have come out more as a grimace.

"I think he didn't know himself, and I do think he would have left in the end," he continued becoming instantly contemplative, "no matter what I did. I have let the guilt go quite a bit, but for a moment there I was so angry with myself. My first and only thought was to take myself away from you to protect you from my anger, and when you never returned I feared that you had left me as well. I should have known that you would have found comfort in a tree."

"So you were upset with yourself and walked away to protect me?" I checked.

"Yes," he agreed sadly. "Your words made me realise how I have failed him."

"What did I already say about that?" I asked him cheekily.

"That his running had nothing to do with me?" he said playfully.

"No matter what mistakes you might have made as a father, his choices are his own," I emphasised.

"My acts impact him. Certainly you can't deny that."

"Did your father's?" I asked gently.

He thought through my question before he answered, "In some ways his actions cast a shadow onto my life, but in other ways I acted in my own way, even though it was contrary to how he wished me to behave."

"I'd dare say the same holds true between you and Edward."

After a few minutes he agreed, "Yes, that's probably true."

"So, how about solving family problems when there's a problem, and just be present offering your support otherwise," I offered.

"Whether or not to move back to Forks is a problem?" he asked with a glint in his eyes.

I smiled widely. "Cheeky sod," I teased.

He smiled widely back. After a few minutes, though, his features grew solemn once more. "Esme, I want to ask you a question, but you may not want to answer," he warned.

"Go ahead," I agreed.

"Are you upset at me for seeing Edward's unhappiness as a problem?"

After considering my thoughts I told him, "The possibility that you would see Bella as a solution rather than a sentient being with her own thoughts and feelings disturbs and upsets me greatly. The rest is merely disappointing, but knowing you as I do, my disappointment is not surprising. Mostly it just hurts my heart to see both Edward and you be hurt so much by your disconnect. His unwillingness to speak his thoughts and feelings is just as much as a problem between the two of you as your desire to solve him. Like any relationship, Carlisle, both people are responsible for their share." By the end I was bashfully examining my hands.

"Thank you," he said earnestly.

The sincerely and depth of feeling surprised me and I looked up.

"You are so forgiving Esme, and able to see my intentions despite the havoc my actions might cause. You are a gem, truly."

I smiled slightly embarrassed at his praise.

"After great reflection I think that I saw Bella first and foremost as human," he continued, "someone worth protecting, and second as someone who made Edward happy. But I am ashamed to admit that I didn't see the girl herself much. Even after all the time in our house, I can't say that I really know her."

I nodded stiffly upset to have my suspicion confirmed. Then I frowned considering my part in the matter, "Neither do I, really, if I'm honest. I might be guilty of focusing on the joy she brought Edward and how much of myself I saw in her," I admitted.

We didn't talk again for hours each lost in our own thoughts.

Eventually I realised that like letting go of my imaginary Carlisle, I needed to let go of the Carlisle that I wished that he would be. If Carlisle was going to try stop seeing people's problems as something for him to fix, then I needed to stop holding onto my wished-for version of others.

When we got back to the house we each grabbed a book, came back to the couch, and settled in reading with me nestled into his chest, although I doubted Carlisle was actually reading. I suspected he was doing more thinking than anything.

"Could I have done anything different?" Carlisle's voice came to me suddenly sounding strangled and sullen.

Putting down my book I looked at him.

"Did you do everything you knew how to do to the best of your ability?" I questioned sincerely.

He took some time to answer. Knowing him he took my question very seriously and reviewed his memories.

I went back to my book allowing him to think unobtrusively.

Five chapters later he stated simply, "Yes," then sighed heavily. While I put my book back down he continued, "I cannot see how I could have done more at the time."

"Then that is enough," I told him simply.

"But it wasn't, was it?" he asked defensively. "It didn't stop him from leaving," he stated as if he had committed some horrific action.

"Maybe your words and actions were not meant to stop him from leaving but allow him the capacity to return," I offered to him.

His features contorted into bewilderment.

After more than thirty minutes had passed without any movement on his part, I spoke tenderly, "Carlisle?"

He blinked rapidly as if coming out of a daze. Looking into my eyes, confusion and hope swam in his.

"The only action you can do now, is what you are doing," I affirmed to him delicately. "You are working on becoming the father he needs, the husband I need, and the man you want to be. We can only hope and have faith that will be enough when the time comes for him to return."

He looked dubious. "So, I work on me and us, and that will be enough?" He said each word slowly and with a tone like they were distasteful on his tongue.

"We will hope and have faith that it will be enough," I confirmed.

He made a huffing sound like he had been mimicking Rosalie. I swore that at any moment he was going to cross his arms in defiance. He never did. Instead he relaxed and his features softened.

After a few moments he spoke faintly but with resolve. "This hope and faith thing is tough. I don't like it, Esme. I like fixing problems. A became a doctor to heal, and although there are lots of problems I know I cannot solve, fractures in my family are unacceptable."

"Dr. Cullen," I teased him gently, "some of your greatest qualities are your unending compassion and patience. Explain to me how you can have those qualities in unending reserves with individuals, but not the circumstances in which individuals are situated."

He smiled slyly like he had been caught out doing something he knew he should not have been. "Before with Edward I knew I couldn't find him, so there was no way to fix it. Waiting was my only option. This time, with Alice, I have other options, but am choosing to allow him to go his own way. To have the option, but not use it is different than not having it."

I looked at him with a mock shock. "What are you saying, then, Dr. Cullen?" I asked wittingly.

"That I'm good at appearing patient when I am left with no other option," he admitted with a light banter.

Smiling widely at him, I pondered the truth in his words.

"Truly, Esme, all those years I was filled with more fear than I ever admitted."

Looking at him seriously, I evaluated his statement. "Did you hide it from me?" I asked tightly.

Shaking his head negatively, he added, "No, my love, I was hiding it from myself. I busied myself with work along with your well-being and adjustment into your second life to the degree that I could not be aware of my own fear, but now, after your story, looking back, it seems obvious to me."

His admission relieved me of guilt that I hadn't even realized had begun to infiltrate me due to my concern that my story had caused his fear. With his words I had been assured that my story had merely given him truth about himself. Nevertheless, I suspected that his awareness of his own fear was foreign and new, which would make seeing him in that way new to me. Hopefully the wisdom that I needed to aid him in how he needed to work through this, so he could lead us assuredly, would be given to me.

I smiled sweetly my relief shining through most strongly. "Thank you for admitting this and sharing this with me. But now that you've become aware of how you did things in the past, you have a chance to change how you respond in this instance."

He grimaced. "I have a feeling that you are now going to suggest hope and faith over fear," he bantered.

"Never," I admonished lightly.

"Course not, you would never suggest such a thing," he said in all seriousness with his eyes twinkling and him holding in a smile. Then his face grew solemn. "I am struggling my dear wife, despite your wisdom and story, to do nothing but have hope and faith that these problems will be resolved through waiting."

I smiled at my husband sweetly. His struggle with this was endearing and I loved him more for it. "Well, maybe when Edward does show up you'll have something to solve. Edward has created enough problems this last year to last a lifetime. Maybe one of those will turn up alongside him." I smiled mischievously at him.

He opened his mouth in mock shock. "Are you teasing me, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Maybe?" I hedged.

He put down his book and moved towards me like a stalking lion.

"What am I going to do with you?" he growled punctuating each word.

"Devour me?" I whispered meekly.

"Always, my love. Always." He replied before moving toward me kissing me passionately.

By the time the end of January greeted us I concluded that the month had contained delightful moments, but also difficult ones. When February came we knew that we were close to being ready to go home, even though many things were not completely resolved between us. It had taken decades to get us here. It would take more than a few months to create this new us, and in the mean time we could not hide out in Newfoundland. If nothing else, Rosalie would not allow it. On top of that, Carlisle missed the hospital and I missed our family and being creative. We were never meant to be here long after all.

It was around the third of February while we were playing cards that Carlisle wondered aloud, "What are we going to do about Bella?"

"Wait and see," I answered simply after a moment.

"More hope and faith?" he asked sarcastically, but his tone was teasing and playful.

"Yes, my love," I agreed, "more opportunities to practice hope and faith."

He mocked growling softly. "I swear my Heavenly Father is ensuring I have lots of opportunities to practice."

"Naturally," I answered as if that was the most obvious thing.

"Seriously, love?" he responded contemplatively.

Putting my hand down, I looked into his eyes. "Is this not what I've overheard from preachers and attendees over the years, that when God wants to teach a lesson He does so in such magnitude that it could not be missed."

He shook his head indulgently. "My agnostic wife giving me lessons on God." By the end he was beaming clearly pleased.

"At your service," I mocked bowed. After a moment I reiterated, "We do nothing but wait to see if she reaches out to us. Alice assured us that my letter had arrived and that Bella had decided to open it. Perhaps she has not decided anything since."

"Yes, perhaps," he mused.

As happened each time Bella was the topic of conversation between us, my mind automatically replayed the letter I had written.

 _My darling Bella,_

 _I owe you so much more than an apology. There were so many better ways I could have handled Carlisle's job offer than the way that I did. There is much I wish to say, but neither a letter nor a phone call would do it justice. What I do need to convey, more than anything, is that my leaving was not a reflection of you in any way. You are an intelligent, sweet, kind, thoughtful, insightful, strong, incredible young woman._

 _By the time you get this letter it will be near to the one year mark of you arriving in Forks. I could have never imagined that your arrival would have brought me so much. I will forever be grateful that you came into our family's life. If upon receiving this letter you decide to have nothing more to do with our family and with me, we will honor your decision. If, however, you would like to keep in touch, please find the family's new email addresses and phone numbers below. I purposefully left out Edward's contacts as he is no longer living with us and thus was unable to give his consent._

 _Jasper is at Dartmouth taking classes and enjoying school in a way he never had before. Much of that is owed to you. I want to thank you for all that you did for him by your presence and graciousness._

 _Rosalie and Emmett are travelling. Last they told me they were going to Nepal and then moving eastward. As their mother I hope that they will settle down some after this year, but knowing those two, I might be hoping in vain. Emmett told me over Christmas that the sights look different when he tries to view them through your eyes and he has found a new wonder for the world around him._

 _Alice has a new hobby. She's been into ancestry and spending all her free time investigating her roots. It has been fascinating if not slow and laborious work. She wanted to write to you as well, but I told her that she would have to wait for you to initiate contact._

 _I hope, more than anything, that this letter finds you well and thriving despite our absence, although if you are anything like me, then these past months would have been a strain. Please know that despite my poor choices I think of the time you spent in our home fondly and miss the addition you brought to our household._

 _Hoping to hear from you soon,_

 _With kind regards,_

 _Esme Cullen_

Each time my mind reviewed the letter I couldn't help but count the days since Alice had reported that Bella had received it. Everyone had read it agreeing with its wording, well bar Edward naturally, since he had declined to participate in our New Years table conference, before Alice had packed it with her stuff and had mailed it from Ithaca. It required quite of bit of reading between the lines on Bella's part, but we had to ensure that if someone else were to read it that the wording wouldn't raise suspicions.

We had figured saying that we all flew to Ithaca for Christmas was a good enough cover story, if it was ever needed. Just in case, Jasper had convinced everyone to let him create the digital proof of tickets from Los Angeles to Ithaca for Alice, Carlisle, and I. Rosalie's and Emmett's tickets had already been for Ithaca as Rosalie refused to rent a car, thereby going to the home to pick up one of the vehicles before heading to us. Jasper's precautions had seemed excessive to me, but I trusted his judgement. We all knew that the letter contained some risk, and managing that risk had seemed to help Jasper feel calmer.

Coming out of my thoughts, I found Carlisle looking at me curious. "I simply wish she would respond," I told him.

"Are you lacking hope and faith?" my husband teased me.

"No, more likely patience." I smiled widely. "Which, fortunately for me, my darling husband has in abundance."

"In abundance you say?" he rumbled as if objecting.

"Yes, more than anyone else I have ever met, and certainly more than I," I confirmed as my smile grew.

"Thank you, my love," he told me warmly with a grin. "I suppose I did learn some patience in my two-hundred years of waiting for you to be born."

I giggled confirming my agreement, "Yes, I suppose that might have helped."

"I'll offer a trade. I'll give you some of my patience and you give me some of your hope and faith," he offered.

Looking up into his eyes I found warmth and acceptance and love. "Deal," I murmured.

"Deal," he stated back equally subdued.

Hours after our connecting once again physically, as we sat on the couch reading, he stated out of the blue, "Jasper really had a hard time with what you shared."

"Yes, it certainly challenged his understanding of how the world worked," I agreed wondering where his thoughts were.

"He's so private it would be hard to know how he's internalised what was said," he mused.

"Why don't you ask him the next time we see them?" I pressed.

After a moment's thought he agreed, "Yes, that would be good. He lived life in such brutality for so many years, our stories are bound to challenge some of his thinking," he mulled over.

"I would think so," I agreed.

"He's a good husband," he stated emphatically after a few moments had passed.

"I think so," I concurred. When Carlisle said nothing more I grew curious, "Was there a point to your statement, Dr. Cullen?"

He looked out the window. "Their bond and how easily they fit together is admirable. Despite his past or perhaps because of it, he is attentive of her. In fact, I've gotten the impression that if Alice said it was best and it wouldn't displease us so much, that he would risk the taste of human blood to change Bella. He really would do anything for Alice."

"You're probably right," I agreed as I had entertained the same thoughts off and on.

"I'm not that way. I am led first by my morals and values," he stated in contemplation.

"That is true, Carlisle, but I love you just as you are. I love that you became a doctor and have compassion and care for those whom our kind would dismiss as irrelevant objects. I love that you stand for what you believe in and for your convictions. Your soul is unblemished by the weight of being a soldier."

"That might be true, but although I would never purposefully end someone's life, I would end another if they threatened you or our family," he admitted with more strength in those words that I had ever heard before.

"Like James?" I questioned.

"Yes," he agreed sadly.

"Do you look down on Jasper for his fierce defence of what he loves?" I wondered.

"No, I find it admirable," he stated firmly.

"As I find that quality admirable in you. I love that you wish to live in peace, but are still willing to do what is necessary. Talk to him. Perhaps you have qualities the other does not and you could learn much from one another," I recommended.

He smiled sweetly at me. "Thank you for your wise counsel, dear wife of mine."

"Any time," I teased.

"Have you still been asking Alice to lessen how much she uses her gift?" he asked a few hours later.

"Yes," I answered, "I think it's good for her, and I believe it will help her see things differently. I suspect that she was the least effected by my story, but that's not surprising, since she lives in what ifs due to her gift anyway. They'll be fine, Carlisle."

"I'm not worried, per say, just pondering what we will be returning to," he let me know.

"A lack of privacy," I told him smiling seductively at him.

"Come here, love," he requested before he kissed me and then proceeded to ravish me once more.

It wasn't a week later, getting close to Valentine's Day, when we looked into each other's eyes and knew that we were ready to go back to Ithaca and face whatever was in store for us there.

"Darling, would you be agreeable if we spent Valentine's Day here where I have you to myself and no listening ears?" he asked surreptitiously.

I smiled loving the idea. "We leave on the 15th then?" I confirmed.

"Or thereabouts. When ever we feel sated enough," was his reply.

My grin grew. "Oh, I don't know if I'll ever be sated enough my husband," I taunted.

He smiled as equally strong back to me.

It had seemed since January that though we disagreed more than we ever had and had more tense discussion than in our eighty years prior, that our love and passion for one another had grown in equal quantities. We would never be as demonstrative as Rosalie and Emmett, but our physical needs for one another had seemingly grown.

"We should tell Rose," I told him before anything led anywhere.

"Yes," he agreed going and retrieving the phone immediately.

It went to voicemail, so I left a message. They were probably hunting.

Then I sashayed up to my husband and ran a finger along his arm. "You were saying?"

He answered with a kiss.

We hunted the morning of the 14th. It took us three days before we finally were in the car heading back to Ithaca. Carlisle drove at a leisurely pace. He called work on the way to tell them he was feeling ready to go back. Evidently many of the staff members were out sick and they wanted him to cover the night shift the evening we were scheduled to return.

"Are you okay with that?" Carlisle asked as soon as he got off the phone.

"Yes, my husband. I know how much your work means to you. I expected them to miss you."

He frowned at my use of words.

"Are you ready?" I asked him.

"Yes, my love, you gave me the exact medicine that was needed. It wasn't always comfortable or pleasant, but it has cured much of my ailments. With your guiding wisdom I have concluded that the rest will take time for our family being whole again. I might not prefer to wait, but allowing my fears to best me and dictate my actions is not what you or this family needs."

I squeezed his hand. "Truer words have not been spoken. But, Carlisle, know that although you have mental comprehension of this lesson does not mean that in the moment you will not be tempted to allow your fear to rule your actions. Because in truth, as you are just now admitting to yourself the full intensity of your fear, fear can easily be overpowering just as grief can be."

"Then I think we should turn around. I take it back, let us hide in our cabin for the rest of eternity," he teased, but once his smile had faded he looked at me with a long gaze that suggested that although his ears had heard my words spoken he was not internalizing them, which did not surprise me.

"Tempting, but no," I told him concerned that he would even tease about such a thing.

He had been a man of reason for over three hundred years, and although my imagining had impacted him and given him a new awareness, our time together had asked him to engage in his worldview in a fundamentally different manner. I suspected that we had rough waters ahead while he learned how to manage himself in this new way.

More than a hundred miles had passed when he spoke again, "I am aware that I will be challenged at times, but nothing more can be gained from stowing away from the world, no matter how tempting it might be."

Although I doubted his level of self-awareness or understanding of the difficulties ahead, I was glad for what he had reasoned out and for sharing it with me. With full earnestness I told him, "As long as you're ready. We all need you."

He nodded solemnly. "With you by my side I am ready."

It was a heavy role he was asking me to play and I was uncertain of whether I could fulfil what he needed. As the miles flew past and I mused over his statement I became concerned that he had placed his trust and faith in me instead of himself and his God. For, if he had, I was bound to fail him.

We arrived home at the time he had predicted, greeted Alice and Jasper warmly and explained his need to go to work, brought in the bags, changed, and left.

It was good to be home. I just hoped Carlisle, myself, and our marriage was ready for our return. We would find out soon enough.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you for joining me on this journey. I appreciate you taking the time to read my work. I would be honoured if you would take an extra moment and share your thoughts with me. This story is very different from others I have written and feedback would be greatly valued. After all, a writer is nothing but a hobbyist without readers._


	2. Broadcast Issues

**Edward's behaviour in early 2006 as referenced below comes from HaemophilusLeona's story _Saudade_ here on FF.**

 **Reference to Edward leaving and returning in 1931 comes from _Tale of Years:1927_ and _Tale of Years:1931_ by Jessica314 here in FF.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated: 23 Dec 2017)

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Broadcast Issues  
**

* * *

Once I had settled in, Alice found me and dragged me to the living room. Jasper was in his nook clearly giving us time together, which was thoughtful and kind of him.

"I saw your decision to return, but I purposefully didn't look otherwise," she told me her expression open and earnest.

Putting my hand on her cheeks, I told her, "I'm proud of you, and us deciding to come back isn't something that you could avoid seeing, since it directly impacts you and Jasper." Modulating my voice to convey my pride in her, I told her sincerely, "I'm so impressed at your hard work, Alice."

She beamed at my praise.

"Has it been worth it?" I asked quietly in case she didn't want Jasper to hear her response.

"Mostly yes, but sometimes it's tough, and it's getting worse," she stated irritated her voice ringing clear.

"What is?" I asked concerned at a normal pitch trying to catch up with her.

"The inference," she stated in her frustrated tone that she has at times when others aren't on the same page as her, which I suspected was why she appreciated and valued Edward so much. "Because I've been waiting for Bella to decide about the letter, it's been harder to block out her other decisions," she stated in her tone that suggested that this should have been clear to me. Then she added, "I was actually looking forward to seeing her more as a result, except, she's almost completely gone at times," her tone sad containing great concern.

"Describe gone," I requested patiently.

"Like I was telling you before in Newfoundland," she stated aggravated.

"So there's nothing new?" I checked.

"Not new per say," she answered with a slight annoyance.

Ignoring whatever was causing Alice's upset for the moment, I pondered what she had told me before. "Any guesses yet as to its cause?"

"No," she replied unequivocally. "Last week she decided to go to the movies with some friends. They'll go tomorrow evening after school," she told me as if these yet-to-be events were already true.

"We didn't agree that you would start looking again, Alice," I warned her.

"I'm not searching, promise, Esme," she defended herself.

"I'd like to talk to Carlisle, but he'll probably work a twenty-four or thirty-six hour shift since he has been away for so long. I have an idea, but let me check in with him first," I let her know.

"Okay," she grumbled and then without missing a beat asked, "How was Newfoundland?"

Smiling at her, appreciation at having her presence filled me. "It was exactly what we needed, Alice." After taking a second to collect my thoughts I added, "It's probably been a long time coming, but this last year has strained us all, and possibly none more than Carlisle and I."

After a moment of thought she asked, "Because of the parallels?"

"Yes," I agreed, "it put us seeing things from opposing perspectives."

"Edward can be like Carlisle at times," she noted in an almost absentminded tone.

"I think Carlisle was pulled to changing someone similar to himself," I whispered conspiratorially.

"That makes sense, but Edward's age when he was turned makes him more volatile than Carlisle," she hypothesized.

"Just more likely to see the world in black and white," I corrected her. "Carlisle sees the world in more grey. Carlisle was nearly middle-aged at the time when he was turned, on the edge of having proven himself and becoming an established pillar of society. Edward wasn't yet quite considered a man, and had been heavily sheltered. There's a big difference between those two things, even if there is technically only seven years between them."

"I can see that," she mused, then her tone changed completely again. "Enough of that," she insisted. "We need to paint your nails. Can I pick the movie?"

"Yes and yes."

I texted Carlisle Have a question for you when you can spare a moment.

Three movies later, all twenty nails painted, Alice's painted, and my hair in some fancy updo Carlisle rung. Pausing the movie, I went to my room for some privacy.

"How are you?" I asked softly.

"It's rewarding to be working," he answered.

"I'm glad. I have a formal request," I stated using our code between us that I wasn't asking as his wife, but was asking something on behalf of our group.

"Go ahead," he told me.

"Alice is having a harder time than before with her vision and I was thinking of asking her to do the exact exercise thing we had told her not to do just this once to see if it would help her. There might be an opportunity to see how it would go later in today's evening. What would be your thoughts?"

"I'm hesitant," he stated. "Is this vital?"

"No, she is merely frustrated," I informed him. "You know how much it bothers her."

"Then, the answer is no. We're not all together. This is a joint decision."

Reflecting I considered his response. "You are wise, Dr. Cullen. Yes, I agree. I had been focused on aiding Alice."

"That makes perfect sense. You are a mother." He paused briefly and then added, "I have no idea when I will leave."

"I assumed as much. Nevertheless, I will be glad to see you when you arrive home."

"I miss you already," he said with longing.

"And I you," I concurred.

"I've got to go, love," he told me clearly reluctant to get off the phone.

"Go and do your best, Carlisle. That is the most anyone expects–your best in the circumstances you have been given."

"Yes, you're right, my love. Thank you for the reminder. Love you."

"As I you," I whispered to him the confidence from our time in Newfoundland coming through clearly.

He was gone.

Standing in my room, I wished there was some other way that I could help Alice.

Coming downstairs pondering what Alice had said about her visions, I tried to find another solution than having her go against our vote of not using her gift to seek out Bella's future.

Finding her as I had left her, an idea came to me. So I inquired, "Alice would it be possible for you to describe all the visions you've received regarding Bella to me since you mailed the letter."

"Now or after the movie?" she questioned.

"Do you need to primp me more?" I asked her smiling.

She smiled back. "No, I'm good."

"You ready to tell them to me now, then?" I wondered wanting to make sure she felt comfortable, as I doubted that it would be an easy subject.

"Yes," she agreed quickly, but subdued.

"Then now please," I told her hoping to convey my care for her and support of her through my tone.

Jasper came down from their room, no doubt as a result from whatever mood my offer had altered in Alice, and settled into the couch next to her, while I sat in an armchair.

"So, I would have to assume Bella wasn't really making many decisions after I mailed the letter since nothing from her registered until she decided to open it," Alice began at her regular rapid fire, "not even going to school, things at work, or collecting the mail. It kind of reminds me of Edward and him purposefully not making decisions, as if she were acting without deciding, but I don't think she would be doing that on purpose like him. Since we talked about it at the family yearly conference, I've been spending a lot of time evaluating the bits of information I do have from Bella. Jazz's been helping, and your questions help a lot. Jazz can pick up a lot from when I'm having the visions, and you can't. So, in a way your questions are fresh while Jazz and I are more immersed in what's going on."

"You know Carlisle might be even better at this kind of thing," I pointed out gently.

"Yes, he's better at puzzles, as good as Jasper really, maybe even has a slight advantage since he's very knowledgeable, but it's your gift to see into the heart of things is what I need for now," she explained sweetly even though she was frowning in contemplation.

Smiling in encouragement, grateful she had been honest I told her, "I'm happy to help."

She nodded briefly before continuing in her regular quick pace. "So, after some work Jazz and I concluded that there are actually two different things happening, sometimes separately, sometimes together. Like around the letter, I don't get anything from her, not even deciding what to eat for dinner, it's all done by rote. It's like her channel's not broadcasting. Then there's also interference, something that makes it snowy like the channel's broadcasting, but something is affecting the channel." She stopped and looked at me questioning.

"Your analogy makes perfect sense to me, Alice," I told her in support.

"As a result of her not broadcasting I have no idea how many days she had the letter before she made her decision to read it." Alice paused and closed her eyes. "She's sitting on her bed looking at the envelope turning it over. There isn't a thing in her room. I don't see any books, a CD player, frames, anything, nothing but a bed, her table, and her computer. She looks weary of it like somehow the letter might bite her, but she's also slightly curious. Her appearance is gaunt and even paler than before. Her hair is duller than usual, her jeans are frayed at the ends, and her socks have holes in the arches. It's like she doesn't notice or see anything except the letter.

"Her body is hunched over. The vision is without distortions. She gently and carefully opens the letter holding her body taut. She takes the letter out, reads it, reads it again, and again and again. Then she looks up at the clock, sighs, folds the letter back into the envelope, slips it between the mattress and the box springs, and then goes to shower, at which point I tuned out to give her privacy.

"Then nothing until I saw her decide to ask Jessica to the movies. Jessica looks at her in shock like she didn't even know that Bella knew how to speak, but agrees to go. It kind of faded out at that point. Not like interference, but like her channel wasn't broadcasting strongly. I didn't receive anything else until I saw Bella in front of a house talking to someone about some bikes. I saw the bikes being put into the back of her truck, then her driving to someone else's house. Once she gets to the second house, interference comes in. It spotty, but I'd guess that she convinced someone to fix the bikes."

I gasped.

Alice opened her eyes and looked at me sadly.

"I apologise, Alice. It just shocked me."

"It's okay. It did me as well. What is that girl thinking?" Alice stated exasperated.

"She's most likely managing the best she knows how," I mused. "Edward did always complain that she was a magnet for danger." Frowning I wished that I understood what was happening to this human girl that mattered so greatly to our family.

Alice just nodded and closed her eyes again. "I got flashes, which were strange in their content and that I couldn't make sense of, and then nothing concrete has come. She might have gone to find our house. That one is a distinct possibility. The semi-firm one is when I see Bella on a motorbike riding it and then crashing. At least that's what I think happened. The interference was worse in that one."

"Was she with anyone?" I wondered my dismay of imagining Bella on a bike apparent.

Alice opened her eyes again and sat thinking.

"It's like the previous one with interference. There's an outline of someone, so I'd say yes, but I can't see him or her clearly enough to give you any helpful information, even though I'm tuned into Bella."

"Has that happened before?" I pondered.

"In terms of a channel not broadcasting or broadcasting dimly it has been occurring more recently with Edward. He'll make a decision and then move so fast I can't see clearly what's happening. But in his case, I believe that he's doing things in a purposeful manner so that I can't see. Even though my lack of clarity is the same, how it looks when its interference has a different tone to it. And that's only coming from Bella."

After taking that in I realised that just like when Carlisle had interrupted my telling, my questions had created more questions than answers, answers that she would probably give me if I simply allowed her to continue. "I apologise again, Alice, for interrupting," I let her know.

"It's okay, really," she told me as she closed her eyes again. "There were some flashes that were probably things where she made a decision about and then shortly after changed her mind. There wasn't anything that came through again until the thirteenth when she decided to go to the movies with Mike and some others, except whom and how many showed up kept changing. Her conversation with Mike I could see decently, not as clearly as before we left, but probably the best I've seen her since we sent the letter. It cleared up a little more as if she was slightly firmer on her decision to attend the event, but then she asked someone else to go. I'm not sure how, but it seemed like her offer impacted her time at the movies making it distorted by interference that was too strong to tell you what is likely to happen. If the plans hold and she doesn't change her mind, the movie is tonight."

After waiting what seemed to be a reasonable amount of time and it seeming like Alice wasn't going to say anything more I verified, "So the interference is worsening?"

"When I get something, uh-huh," she confirmed clearly frustrated.

"But the broadcast problems are about the same?" I checked.

"Actually a little better since the thirteenth, but the clarity I usually saw Bella with isn't back completely. I suspect that once the actions of this decision are carried through she will stop broadcasting again."

I nodded thinking to myself. When no clarity came to mind I asked, "Jasper, do you have anything to add?" looking his way.

He gazed at me appearing surprised that I would ask.

I had to wonder if no one had before asked him to voice his opinion regarding Alice's visions as Edward and she usually worked in concert. But he was her mate and with his gift I had figured he might have something.

"No, ma'am," he informed me a smile tugging at the edges of his lips.

His reply was curious, probably indicating that he had nothing to add to the topic of the distortions. Jasper was often tight-lipped and literal, but I saw no reason to push him. "All right, in that case would you be willing to let me know if Alice gets one later today?"

He looked at Alice who nodded at him.

"Yes, Esme, I could do that," he let me know.

"Do you have any theories, Jasper?" I asked him stressing the word theories.

"Nothing helpful," he stated in a brisk military tone, and then his features changed. "I've tried to get her to relax and just let things be, but she's pretty anxious about Bella," he told me in the tone I knew meant he was worried about her. He kissed Alice on the top of her head.

She smiled back at him grimly. "I just want to fix things now that I have a chance," she muttered.

I couldn't contain my smile and Jasper had obviously picked up on my amusement. "Alice, dear, would you mind if I told you what I told my darling Carlisle not too long ago?"

She looked at me curiously her face full of hope. "No, I wouldn't mind. Please, go ahead."

"Do your best in the moment and then let it go. After your best, all you can do is hope and have faith."

"Humph," was her response while Jasper looked like he was trying to contain his mirth.

"You are a wise woman, Esme," Jasper said seriously obviously holding himself in.

"Why, thank you, Jasper," I told him while smiling at him.

"You're only saying that because that's almost exactly what you told me," Alice grumbled.

"Why, June bug, that would have _nothing_ to do with it," he told her in a light-hearted tone as he appeared to be desperately trying not to laugh.

"Humph," was Alice's response.

Turning to Jasper I asked him, "How are you doing since New Years?"

He pondered his answer before replying, while I sat still waiting.

"The analogy is poor, but things have taken on a similar disorientating feeling comparable to when we showed up in 1950." His continence changed and he looked reflective. "When Alice first suggested the animal diet I was willing to try, so I did it for me and for her. And for those years she talked about you guys as if she already knew you'll, but her descriptions sounded impossible. My mind could not conceive of our kind living as a family. Then we came and I had to re-evaluate everything I had held as truth. Your story has done the same. I heard your words and I felt you as you went through the telling. When I take those things and how you were before Newfoundland my mind is certain that you are speaking the truth. But accepting it, fully accepting it, means letting go of my old beliefs and that is harder said than done."

Alice kept touching him in reassurance.

"It's hard to let go of the old," I agreed.

"Yes, it is," he concurred.

"Can I confess something to you Jasper?"

He nodded his head for me to go ahead.

"When I first came to I was angry at my husband for not being the Carlisle in my imagining. Logically that is utterly ridiculous, but the emotions were very true. You have an incredible gift, Jasper, but that doesn't make you the expert on your own internal world. I know you work at remaining calm and centred at all times because of your gift. I hope that while we were gone that you began to address the emotional repercussions to your worldview being upended."

He held my gaze as he answered, "A little ma'am."

Taking a deep breath bringing them both into me I considering how to word what I wished to tell him. "Jasper, my husband, the leader of this family, is struggling, your wife is struggling, Rosalie is struggling, Emmett, God bless him, just rolls with the punches but is being challenged as well, and I, too, am not completely recovered. Just as we all need Carlisle to be the best version of himself, we need you.

"I suspect that things are going to get more complicated moving forward and that's not even considering how things will go when Edward gets back. Our family needs you to sort yourself out entirely, rework your worldview, sort through your own reactions, and be on your top game. You are a great tactician, Jasper, but all of us have blind spots unless we take care of our own inner world.

"I know you are a fan of Sun Tzu, so I will use his words to convey this in another way. 'If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.' We, as a unit, are at our weakest. We each are coming to know ourselves in a new way. We need you."

He watched me carefully probably gauging my words with his gift. "Yes ma'am," he told me as if I had given him a command and then he lowered his gaze contemplatively.

The honour and respect he had given me was incredible. He was not of my venom or Carlisle's. He had no reason to treat me as he had. His willingness to do so caused me to be impressed with him to an even greater degree. He was the fiercest warrior in our family and yet chose to submit himself. The strength that took was astounding.

Jasper obviously needed time to think about what I had just said, so I turned back to Alice telling her, "If it's all right, I think I shall go work on my project. My ideas for this house never did make it very far."

She looked up at me her shoulders slumping. "Of course, Esme. Thank you for trying to help me."

"Anytime, dear, anytime. Try not to worry. The answers will come. They just might not arrive when you want them to."

She nodded and curled herself into Jasper's lap and closed her eyes. By her look she was watching Rosalie and Emmett.

Travelling to my space, I sat at my designing table, but my mind wondered. I couldn't help thinking of Bella and all that Alice had shared. The mother bear in me wanted to rush back to Forks and wrap her in my arms and keep her safe from whatever was causing the issues in Alice's visions. I tired to imagine what might be causing Bella to make the choices I had heard Alice describe. Doing so only brought me pain. Instead, I imagined what Carlisle would have said to Bella if he had been the one patching her up from a motorcycle accident.

"Esme," I heard Jasper call.

Going downstairs I watched as Alice's face contorted. It didn't take long before Alice came out of it.

"She decided to go. I can see Mike deciding to get into the car and go clearly, but not Bella. The interference doesn't allow me to see how she will get there, although the emotional charge in the vision feels like Bella, so I'm almost certain she's going. It looked like Mike meets up with her, but then Mike also gains interference sometime before getting into the movie. Some time goes by, but I can't tell you how much, and then Bella disappeared entirely as if the interference wiped her out." Her tone was robotic.

"What's got you so worried, June bug?" Jasper asked calmly and softly.

"She disappeared, Jazz. Gone just like that," she stated tremendously grieved. Then Alice started shaking.

Jasper rubbed her arms and back in slow circular motions.

"I know I promised, Esme. I know. But I have to know that she's all right."

"Did she seem like she was in any danger?" I asked softly with some hesitation.

"No," she answered unusually slowly as if reluctant to do so.

"Hope and faith, Alice. If she's not in any danger, then we will have faith that she is physically well and hope that she will make a decision soon that will allow you to have the confirmation you need."

"Fine," she seethed between clenched teeth.

"Alice?" I called to her.

She didn't respond.

"Alice? Please, dear," I requested.

She looked over at me reluctantly and slightly petulantly.

"Remember what I said about lessons. They're not always easy," I reminded her soothingly. "Actually they're usually quite difficult."

"I know," she whined. "I don't like this."

"I suspect you won't," I confirmed. "It's not meant to be comfortable, Alice."

"I remember," she responded softer.

"Could you tell me, Jasper, what you pick up from Alice when she has a vision?" I questioned him.

"Her emotional reaction to whatever she sees," he replied.

"And when I was imagining?" I wondered.

"Something akin to you living in what you were seeing rather than responding to it," he answered.

I nodded thoughtfully. This meant that Jasper's gift couldn't tell us if the interference was a true danger or not, just that it frightened Alice.

The three of us sat still as many minutes went passed. Eventually Alice turned to Jasper telling him, "I need to hunt."

He nodded at her, put down his book, they stood up together, and he nodded in his southern departure way at me before running out with her.

I could only hope that she would keep to her promise and not be too tempted. I went back to my project, but made little progress on it, as I found my thoughts continuously being brought back to my time with Carlisle these past months, the state of our family generally, where Edward might be, and what was happening with Bella. There were so many missing pieces. It felt some ways like the continental drift, as if we were going further and further from one another, but I knew the analogy was not sound.

When Edward had left to hunt humans, one day he had been living with us, the next day he had been gone. One day it had just been Carlisle and I together grieving and hoping, and the next day Edward had been standing between trees looking afraid and sheepish. It really wasn't a drift at all. It had taken time to mend the bridges between us and to feel like a family again. Just like before, all that it would take was him choosing to return home, and our family would look different again. I could rest in the knowledge of our love for one another and that our love was strong enough to bring us back together once more. With that thought I was finally able to get back to work.

Carlisle returned Sunday early afternoon. Alice and Jasper still hadn't come back from hunting, so we took advantage of the opportunity it gave us. It was Monday late morning by the time I felt like talking.

"How was it to be back?" I asked Carlisle while we lay in bed him curled up around me, my back pressing onto his stomach.

"It was good to have fixable problems, or at least problems that I could improve," he admitted solemnly.

"Did you have any tough cases?" I wondered, something I often asked.

"There was a little boy and there was scant that could be done for him. It was unfortunate, but nothing out of the ordinary. Medicine doesn't have the answers to everything. I leave that to my amazing wife." I could feel his light laughter.

I turned around in his arms, so that I was facing him, putting my hands on his chest. "Please, love, don't put me on a pedestal. I am just as flawed as you. In fact I barely got any work on the house design done because I couldn't stop thinking about Bella."

"Worrying?"

"Yes, a little. More trying to understand what's happening to her," I explained.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You should talk to Alice," I encouraged him. "I'd like to be there when you do."

"Alice's visions of Bella?" he checked.

"Yes, both in regards to what's been happening in Alice's visions and the qualities of her visions."

"Hope and faith, love," he reminded me.

I let out a breath and then took his scent in. "Easier said than done some days," I confided.

"You're telling me," Carlisle replied heavily. After a few minutes had passes he asked, "Where is Alice anyway?"

"Her and Jasper went out to hunt, but knowing her she would see our decision to talk to her and return home. Jasper also has class tomorrow."

"I have to work again," he informed me.

"For how long?" I asked.

"Probably as long as they can legally get away with," he replied.

Nodding I had expected the answer.

We stayed in bed wrapped around each other until we heard Alice and Jasper approaching. We looked at each other, giggled at how we were thinking the same thing, got dressed, and went downstairs to find them both.

"She decided to write us back!" Alice exclaimed startling me.

Both Carlisle and I beamed.

 _Finally_ , ran through my head. The waiting had been challenging, but it had been what we had all agreed.

"That's great news," Carlisle said easily as if she had just said there was a thunderstorm to play ball. His tone gave no indication of his emotional state other than being pleased with the news. "Do you know more?"

"Yes, she–"

I cut her off. "Alice, dear, before you go into that, I was really hoping you could tell Carlisle all that you told me from the point that we sent the letter."

She looked disappointed, but willing.

Each couple took a sofa and Alice repeated what she had told me with a few more descriptions peppered through. "I didn't look, promise, Esme," she stated right after she had told about Bella's decision to go to the movies.

I smiled proudly at her.

She smiled proudly back.

"Unless there's more, please go ahead and tell us what you just saw," Carlisle stated clearly deep in thought.

"So, we were hunting when I started getting the flashes again like she was making a decision, but changing her mind before it could solidify. There was no interference, but it was hard to tune into. I tried not to press it and just let it come. Then something cleared. I'm not sure what, but I could see her as well as I had before we left. She was sitting in her bed again in her sleepwear. Seriously, a shirt with holes in it and sweats that don't stay up, how are those clothes? I just don't get it," she grumbled.

Carlisle and I raised our eyebrows.

"Yeah, sorry," Alice said sheepishly before returning to her vision telling tone. "So, she's staring at the letter and she huffs, but then she stands up and goes over to her desk. She takes out some lined paper and begins to write. I can't tell exactly what she put down, as she didn't really decide what to say apart from Dear Esme at the top. She also put the date. It was today's date, but I don't have a time. Sorry. I also am not sure yet if she's going to mail it," she started sounding down once more.

"We'll just have to hope that she follows through and sends it, and have faith that it will arrive," I said gently.

"Yeah, yeah," Alice grumbled. She turned and looked at Carlisle. "Do we tell Rose and Emmett?"

He thought for a moment. "Yes, we should, but there's no reason for them to come home yet. Once Bella mails it and it arrives, depending on what it says, then maybe they should interrupt their journey. She could very well politely tell us to not contact her again."

"I wouldn't think so," Alice stated hopefully.

"Why's that?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Because Bella doesn't like conflict. If she didn't want contact with us, she would ignore us. If she's writing, then that means she wants some form of connection." She sounded incredibly jubilant and hopeful by the end.

I looked at Jasper concerned that Alice might be projecting what she wanted into the future rather than facing reality.

He just shrugged his shoulders.

So, I let it go.

"I have some questions about the visions, Alice, if I may," Carlisle interjected.

"Sure, go ahead. I'd like to figure out what's going on," Alice encouraged.

"First the times when the broadcast is poor, could you describe that sensation?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Hum. Well. Let's say you're at work and you make a decision to do the surgery on the kid."

He nodded for her to continue.

"So, that comes in because I'm tuned into each of you closely. As soon it comes in I can, like, change the channel, so I don't have to watch you cut open some person."

Grimacing I wouldn't want to see those images. I wasn't sure how she managed it.

"You make decisions all day, throughout the day, and eventually after a bit, my brain knows that I'm not interested in that channel for now. So, it moves past it quickly, but if I wanted I could catch it." She looked up to the ceiling clearly contemplating.

"Rosalie makes lots of choices in the day. Emmett hardly makes any. Jasper makes few, but if he does they're significant because he chooses things on purpose. Esme doesn't make many choices, and usually the decisions she makes are minor. You make lots of decisions at work and few here. When you're home the decisions made are usually made together. Edward is more like Rosalie generally, but through the decades he had become more like Jasper. Then when Bella came into our lives he was worse than anyone, making tons of decisions and then changing his mind. It was disorientating. But now it's like he's not making any choices. It's like he's floating through, not really engaging in life enough to make a decision, although there have been fleeting decisions since he started tracking Victoria."

"So, his lack of choices makes him difficult to tune into?" Carlisle verified.

"You could put it that way," she confirmed

"How is that different from the interference?" he questioned.

"Broadcasting issues are something like she's just going through the motions, but it seems since the letter arrived that there are these moments where she comes out of that funk and is choosing again. It doesn't last, though."

"So each flash you saw you think was viewable because she had come out of her poor disposition, but then once it was complete she went back into it?" he checked.

"Maybe not completely, as it's getting a little better each time in between, but enough to make it hard for me," she tried to explain.

We each sat reflection on what she had described.

Jasper unexpectedly was the first to speak. "If Edward was a human, I think he would have been diagnosed as having severe depression. That's what I told Alice while we were hunting, anyway," he added a bit quieter.

"Are you hypothesizing that depression might be causing the difficulty in Alice tuning into someone, Jasper?" Carlisle asked intrigued by the idea.

He shrugged. "It's all hypothetical. In theory vampires can't be depressed, but then before Esme's story I didn't think that newborns could forget to be thirsty." He shrugged again.

"We can become an equivalent of depressed, Jasper, for sure." Carlisle was unequivocal in his tone. He looked at each of us in warning. It was the look he gave when whatever he was about to say shouldn't be repeated afterwards.

We all nodded in agreement.

"When I lived with the Volturi I met a vampire there who was one of the oldest of us and who would fit the human definition of depression. He lived in a constant state of immense sadness, he sat every day barely moving, barely being involved in things, and seemed to take no enjoyment out of anything including feeding. He exists, but without much in the way of feelings, and I'd argue he is in a constant state of hopelessness."

My mouth gaped open, as did Alice's. Jasper's face looked contemplative with his lips forming a tight line.

"What happened to him?" Alice asked suddenly and then looked like she regretted it. "Sorry, Carlisle. I shouldn't have asked."

Jasper looked pensive. "He lost his mate," Jasper whispered like a light breeze.

Carlisle's eyes narrowed.

"I told you that day, Carlisle, that they were mated," Jasper stated definitively. "It was the only reasonable explanation to Edward's emotional upheaval, even in the midst of his doubt and denial."

Carlisle looked like he had been attacked and then his face contorted into something resembling horror, which looked bizarre on him. "I'm so sorry," he began muttering as if he had forgotten that we were all sitting there with him. "I should have listened. I didn't believe," he started and then cut himself off. His eyes looked like he was putting pieces together, and then he randomly uttered, "that could happen with a human," before he stopped speaking again.

We all waited to allow him to gather himself.

When he did speak once more he was distraught. Turning to Jasper he said, "I know you stated your opinion on this, and I did hear you. I did, but somehow the true cost to Edward, to our family of losing Bella, if they are indeed mated, just hit me in speaking about the member of the Volturi. You were right."

My emotions were all over the place. I was grateful that he had seen this; that he had finally seen what I had believed for years. With that thought and the gratitude it brought also came relief. But then the reality hit and my heart reacted as if he had stabbed me. All these years later he finally figured out that we had been meant for one another, even when I had been human. For a brief moment I was infuriated. Then I remembered my imaginings, the struggle he had gone through, and how nobly he had wanted to do the right thing.

I reached for him and wrapped my hands along the sides of his face drawing him to look at me. "You did the best you knew how in the situation. What done is done," I told him willing him to hear me. "Lesson learned. Humans and vampires can be mated. Now you know."

Jasper's eyes were discretely not looking at us, but his lips were tight and I could sense the probing of his gift as if it were cutting off a sample of my emotions and categorizing them. Accompanied with the feeling of being a science experience was the sense of my trust being breached. As soon as I had felt the sense of infringement, the probing sensation had withdrawn to be replaced with care, compassion, tenderness, and comfort with a hint of a feeling that only could be described as an apology tinged with regret. Like painting each colour could be named, but the combination created something intangibly unique. I began to understand why Jasper and Alice argued in stares, they were communicating in this tapestry that only Jasper could make.

Carlisle recovered from his state quickly looking into my eyes with deep sorrow, and then pushed it aside coming back to the leader we needed. Him and I would discuss what he was setting aside later.

He relaxed into himself, so I moved back to where I had been before on the couch next to him. "I apologise Jasper," Carlisle stated authentically.

Jasper waved his hand.

"Sincerely," Carlisle reiterated, "for not hearing you then. I should have listened, but also for my response just now. I was caught off guard. Nonetheless, thank you for sharing that with me. I should have never doubted your conclusions based on what you picked up from your own gift." He looked at me checking in with me.

I nodded my permission.

"I have already told Esme this, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't speak about this outside of our family. Part of why I was unable to hear you was that doing so would have required me to acknowledge that perhaps I hadn't made the best decision for Esme and I when we had first met. Esme's story forced me to re-evaluate many of my core beliefs and change them. But I have to admit Jasper that even after all of what she and I have gone through these last months I still had held my belief that vampires could not be mated to humans. This primarily has to do with my experiences of what I learned about our nature when I lived in Volterra. Your assessment was simply contrary to what I was led to believe. I sincerely apologise, Jasper. I should have trusted you over my understandings."

"Apology accepted, Carlisle," Jasper replied sincerely. "Honestly, if I had not experienced the bond, I would have vehemently disagreed with myself that day as well. But I also never could have believed before that we are capable of such a human states like depression, that we could lose time, or that we could forget our thirst. Although, now that I can see the possibility, I wonder if depression wouldn't adequately describe my last years with Maria and the ones until I found Alice," he pondered aloud.

"Thank you for your graciousness, Jasper. It is more than I deserve. You probably are on to something regarding your own past," Carlisle agreed.

Jasper nodded solemnly.

Carlisle looked at Alice. "What are your thoughts at this point regarding Jasper's hypothesis?"

"It fits," she stated firmly.

We were all lost in our thoughts about what that might mean.

"Would that mean that Bella is depressed?" I asked quietly hoping I was wrong.

Carlisle nodded gravely. "Yes, what Alice described would match that, from what I can't surmise at this point, but Jasper has studied this field of medicine more than I."

"That would be my best guess," Jasper replied evenly.

I shook my head sadly. "What did we do?" I mumbled to myself.

"We did what we thought was right at the time," Carlisle answered keeping my eye contact. His eyes shimmered knowing he was giving back to me what I had attempted to give to him.

Yes, he was right. I had done what I had thought was best at the time for the welfare of my family. Although I had been loathed to leave her, I couldn't have imagined how quickly things could change for her and I couldn't have imagined this cost. I suddenly realised that I was now in Carlisle's shoes as he had been with me. He couldn't have imagined what I had suffered, and here I was now unable to imagine what Bella was going through.

"Jasper, based on your best guess could you hypothesize what would happen to Edward if Bella were to die?" I questioned.

He pondered his answer for a long time. "Given Edward's mood swings since meeting Bella and the little Alice has shared about Edward's lack of choices and failure in tracking I could see him living his years much like the Volturi member Carlisle mentioned or even desiring death."

"Death?" I asked shocked deeply upset.

"Carlisle attempted suicide, after all, once he had learned that he had been turned into a vampire, upset with the future as he saw it. I could see the potential of Edward doing the same," he explained.

"But that would never work," I stated appalled at the idea.

Jasper looked immeasurable sad as he said, "With Maria there were newborns, that instead of being angry or scared would be sad. When the battle came they were always in pieces and burned. It's not that hard, Esme. If someone wants to die, they will find a way. He would only need to provoke someone and not protect himself adequately."

The idea of losing Edward rocked me to the core. I had lost one son; I couldn't lose another.

Immediately Carlisle wrapped his arms around me while simultaneously I felt Jasper's gift at work taking from me some of my fear and giving me courage.

"If Edward gets his way and she wants nothing to do with us, then he'll be miserable or dead," I lamented.

"Thus one of many reasons I voted no," Jasper stated softly. "You love deeply, Esme, and I would hate for Edward's choices to harm you." He didn't need to add that he would have a hard time remaining a part of our family in that climate.

For the first time I began to see the full scale of what we were risking.

After I had calmed down completely, I faced Jasper and asked him, "Did you know at the vote?"

"No," he admitted. "It has only been with the consideration that we could become depressed and the cost we pay for losing our mates that I realised what might happen to Edward, and to us all by default, if she rejects him."

Narrowing my eyes at him, I suspected that he would be willing to go to Forks, stage her death, and bring her to us against her will in order to avoid the consequences of that option. He would do anything, literally anything. There was no line moral or otherwise he wouldn't cross, no burden he wouldn't bear to keep Alice happy, and Bella had made Alice happy. He simply stared at me almost daring me to accuse him, to shine a light on his true nature, but I wouldn't.

I might not agree with it, but I couldn't help but admire him. In so many ways he was Carlisle's opposite. The similarity they shared was their keen intellect and strategic capacities, although I would bet Jasper was better in that regard. Somehow, even though I knew it shouldn't, my assumption on Jasper's willingness to do the dirty work, for lack of a better word, soothed me. At the same time I felt guilty. Soldiers went and risked everything including tar on their souls so that others could live without that burden.

Jasper lifted his eyebrow at me, but said nothing.

Pursing my lips, I turned to Carlisle, "Had you considered this?"

"No," he replied.

Staring at him, I challenged him.

"Truly. It sounds trite, but honestly Esme I've spent the majority of my time these past months working on us. And although Edward and Bella are there in the back of my mind, they have not been my priority. I simply did not give it the attention necessary to put the pieces together. I would hope that Edward would not court death, but if something were to happen to Bella, we would have to keep an eye on him for a while."

Glaring at him, I tried to determine what he just meant. "You mean lock him in the basement and keep him guarded."

"If it came to that," he agreed reluctantly.

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a look.

"Spill," I demanded.

"In Maria's army I often doused the newborns with fidelity to keep them loyal to myself and thus Maria. I told Carlisle that information one time when he asked about the ways I had used my gift," Jasper admitted looking at me cautiously.

My mouth fell open. "You could override Edward's desire to die by increasing his sense of fidelity?"

"Something like that," he stated softly almost as if he as embarrassed or ashamed.

Narrowing my eyes at him, I asked, "Jasper do you have the capacity to override free will? Is this what you are suggesting?"

"Not continuously, and it wears on me," he replied bashfully.

"Jesus H. Christ," I muttered. "No wonder Maria was upset that you left her."

My mind was a whirl with the possibilities. He could have easily taken over our family. Alice had known about Edward's ability before they got here. One by one he could have made us loyal to him. Could he take over Volterra if he wanted? Perhaps, I decided, depending on whether he could maintain it. But in a century or so as his gift grew? The reality was frightening.

Turning back to him, I had to ask, "Have you ever done such a thing to us?"

He looked upset I would dare ask such a question, but just as quickly his features shifted to understanding and sympathy. "No, shortly after we moved in I explained my gift as Carlisle suspected my capacity. I swore to him that I would never use my gift in this way except in an emergency where there was no other choice. I hated doing it."

"You could force Peter and Charlotte to be animal hunters and join us," I mused.

"Maybe not feeding preference, but join us, yes, I could. But you see there's an emotional backlash when a feeling is not authentic. The more I use my gift, the more the receiver resists and the more they resist, the more I have to use. It's an endless cycle that requires more bodies than anyone in this family could tolerate."

Shuddering at the implication, I asked curiously "How did she manage that?"

"We always kept half of dozen or so far enough from the newborns but close enough that I could have a snack when I needed. Maria made sure I was always in top shape except after Peter left." His tone was even.

His story filled me with so many emotions. Sympathy was most prevalent, but there was also awe and gratitude.

He looked at me puzzled, but said nothing.

After more than an hour had passed, Alice whispered, "Now what?" almost unwilling to say the words.


	3. Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

**The scene where Edward tells his family that Bella knows they are vampires can be found in my story _My Family Is Odd_ Chapter 37.**

 **The great Jasper mediation can be found in _Tale of Years:1950_ by Jessica314 here on FF.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 26 Dec 17)

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 **Chapter 3: Perfect Love Casts Out Fear  
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Alice, Jasper, and I looked at Carlisle waiting for him to make a decision.

After a moment of contemplation he told us firmly, "Esme is going to call Rosalie and Emmett and explain this new information. We're going to wait to see if Bella sends the letter, and what it says when it arrives. Dependent on those factors, then we will make a decision as a family."

Alice and I agreed reluctantly. Jasper seemed pleased with Carlisle's decision. If I had to say, I would argue that Jasper's view of Carlisle was shifting, hopefully for the better.

"Would you be up to talking about the other blockade to your visions before I have to go back to work?" Carlisle asked gently.

"Yes," Alice answered with both a desire to have the problem solved and a tiredness that was unusual for our kind.

I suspected that as much as she wanted to know why it was difficult to tune into Bella the process of finding an answer had taken an emotional toll on her.

"It's okay if you need a break, Alice," I offered.

"No," she answered subdued. "I want to try to figure this out. It's really bothering me."

I looked at Jasper.

He filled the room with a calm reassuring note.

"Thank you, Jasper, I think we all needed that," I told him.

He nodded his you're welcome southern gentleman nod.

"So, Alice, I was hoping you could do a visualization exercise with me," began Carlisle.

She raised an eyebrow, but after a short pause nodded in consent.

Jasper and I stilled completely giving the room to Carlisle and Alice as much as we could.

"Alright," Carlisle began. "I'd like you to take all the images you have from when there has been interference thus far and tell me if there is anything that is constant."

She paused the briefest of seconds before responding. "Like I told Jasper, Bella's emotions are safe and reassured in each case."

After time had passed he asked her, "Is there anyone with her?"

"Jasper asked the same thing," she replied immediately. "I think so, but it's hard to be definitive."

He nodded his head and appeared to be in agreement with her declaration before he set his eyes upon her and instructed, "I want you to try to focus just on the individual that you suspect is there. Pay what you're sensing special attention, and tell me what is your impression. Don't try to reason it out or say what only makes sense to you. We're trying to do some guessing. So, the logic of the detail from your impression doesn't matter. When you're ready, keeping your eyes closed, just tell me what you see."

Alice became statuesque concentrating for at least twenty minutes before she started speaking. Her tone was low and distant reminding me of how fortune tellers talk in moving pictures. "Towering over Bella six inches at least, but it changes over time, with a greater distance in height over time. Wider than Bella, but seems to widen over time. Stands close, but does not hover. They're usually at a house that isn't Bella's. I don't know it. In one flash it looks like they might be in a structure that has lots of tools and car parts. The smells remind me some of Rosalie's garage space, but more compact, dirtier, and grungier with things like wood and mold. The voice doesn't come through clear, but what does come through is that Bella trusts this person."

Alice opened her eyes looking at Carlisle. "I don't trust this person though. He or she, I still don't know, makes me uneasy. Bella rode a motorbike without a helmet for goodness sake. What kind of person would let Bella do that?" she asked angrily.

"A friend," Jasper said softly.

All three of us looked at him staring. Suddenly what Alice had described made more sense to me.

"If Bella is in pain, a friend might be willing to do whatever they could to help her feel better, even if it is dangerous," I told them in defence of his hypothesis.

Alice took in an audible breath.

Jasper asked in a disattached tone as if he was speaking to himself, "Who might be Bella's friend, be bigger than her, and like cars and motorcycles?"

"And is growing," added Carlisle. "Alice, I think the changes you're picking up from height and width is an adolescent, most likely a male growing, given the size differences."

"Mike was in one vision; it's not him. Bella wasn't friends with Eric or Tyler. Ben isn't that big unless he grew, but he was spending time with Angela when we left," Alice mused aloud.

"What about that Black fellow that told Bella about us?" Jasper asked casually.

Alice's and my eyes grew.

"Jacob Black?" Carlisle asked rhetorically.

"Didn't Edward say something once about them being family friends?" Jasper questioned.

I was lost in thought going back through my memories trying to find the moment to which Jasper was referring. The answer was yes. That had been the night when Edward had told everyone that Bella knew what we were and had been told our secret by Ephraim's descendent. Was it possible that Bella was spending time with a descendent of Ephraim?

A good ten minutes afterwards Carlisle looks at me, then Jasper, then Alice.

"Alice, it would seem that the most likely conclusion at this point is that somehow Jacob Black, direct descendent of Ephraim Black, is spending time with Bella and when he does it interferes with your visions."

"How is that possible, Carlisle?" she asked astonished.

"I don't know that yet, honestly. My best guess would be that it would have something to do with their shapeshifting gene. But that's pure conjecture."

"Would it be possible that he's becoming a shapeshifter like his great-grandfather, Carlisle?" I asked terrified at the thought. "I thought we had determined that the line had died out."

He shook his head. "Well, certainly, there were no shapeshifters when we lived there. On top of that neither his father nor none of the previous generation went through the transformation. We really don't know much of how their genetics work, but simply from a scientific basis, the reasonable conclusion would be no." He paused as if considering the weakness in his thoughts and then added, "No, I wouldn't think so."

He rubbed my hand.

Turning to Alice he told her, "But I am proposing that perhaps his genes give him a hereditary predisposition against your visions. Since neither you nor Jasper were with us when we first met them, we have no way of knowing how your gift works on them. They are incredible creatures really. Edward said they have a pack mind. It's all very fascinating, really."

Jasper looked at Carlisle like he had lost his mind. "Alice's gift worked just fine when we were introduced to the council," Jasper retorted.

Carlisle pondered that. "Perhaps the interference only works for those young men who are in the age range that have the capacity to transform. It was merely a hypothesis that fit the criteria. That is not to say something else might be going on."

"That doesn't bode well for Bella or our family," Jasper stated crisply like he was beginning to plan a military invasion.

"They're not like werewolves at all," Carlisle said looking at Jasper. "They are first men. They are intelligent, loyal, and defenders. Underneath it all, they have much in common with our family. I had hoped to have better relations with the Quileutes when we were there, but the council wasn't interested. I was quite disappointed, actually. Nevertheless, Edward could read their minds all those years ago. I was always curious if both of your gifts might work on them if they had begun to shapeshift once more."

"Hoping to convey my support to him, as this was not the first time he had defended the Quileutes to Jasper, I squeezed his hand a little in admiration.

"I don't like the idea that a creature designed to destroy us might be hereditarily predisposed to thwart Alice's visions," Jasper stated in military precision.

"Well, yes, it is terribly inconvenient," Carlisle agreed.

I tried to contain my giggles. My husband sounded so terribly English in that moment. He must have been flustered.

Jasper raised an eyebrow at him, but dropped it.

"Does that help, Alice?" Carlisle asked after a few moments had passed.

"Yes, it does. I still don't like it, but knowing that might be causing the issue helps. I'll take a look back through my visions. I might have had a vision ages ago with him in it before the summer. And he showed up at the prom, so I have seen him from a distance. I'll look more into it," she concluded.

"Good. I'm glad this helped," Carlisle stated wrapping up.

He looked at each of us.

No one added anything.

"In that case, I'm going to go to my office and then get ready for work soon," he informed me.

"I missed my morning class, but if I take the bike I'll make it to the afternoon class. You coming?" Jasper asked Alice.

"Yes, please!" she told him clearly excited at his offer. She rushed up stairs and came downstairs in a jiffy in a new outfit. "Ready," she told him exuberantly.

"See you Esme later tonight. Later, Carlisle," Jasper said over his shoulder. Alice just waved at me. They both grabbed helmets and headed off.

Picking up my phone I called Rosalie.

"Hey, Mom," she greeted me sounding much better than the last time we had spoken.

"Hey, Rose. How are things there?"

"Things are going well. I got your voicemail. We were hiking and just got finished a little while ago."

I smiled knowingly. "I'm glad you're having a good time darling. Are you feeling any better now that you know that we're back home?"

"Yeah, Mom, I am. I know it's silly, but I do feel better."

"I'm glad," I told her sincerely.

"How's Carlisle?" she inquired.

"He's back working, of course. They desperately needed him. He completed four days and just had the last two off. I bet they'll have him do the next five to seven days. They're short staffed and he's the best."

"I don't know how you have him gone so much," she admitted.

"He's happier when he works. I want him to be happy. It's that simple," I explained to her.

The smile in her voice was clear. "Then I'll be glad Emmett is happy making me happy."

I smiled at her. "Yes, you sure are lucky with Emmett."

"The luckiest," she agreed.

"I also have a small update for you," I let her know.

"Oh?" she asked sounding nervous.

"It seems, according to Alice anyway, that there is some chance we might get a letter from Bella soon."

"Alice have any guesses on what it would say?" she enquired.

"No, actually," I told her.

"Do we need to come home?" she asked sounding uncertain.

"I don't think so," I informed her. "Until we know anything for sure, we're not making any decisions and we won't make any without you. There's plenty of time yet."

"Okay," she said curtly making it clear that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Anything else?"

"We spent some time today helping Alice. You know she's been struggling," I informed her.

"Any good?" she asked genuinely curious.

"Maybe, but nothing definitive yet."

"You sure you don't need me to come home?" she verified.

"You are wanted here, my dear Rosalie, but please continue to enjoy your time alone with Emmett. Who knows when you will be able to do so next?"

"Are you sure, Mom?" She sounded so small and vulnerable.

"Rosalie, girl, you are beautiful and wonderful and wanted. You would protect this family with your last breath. You are precious."

I imagined her nodding her head to herself trying to make these words true to her.

"Well, if you're okay," she said stiffly. "Then we'll keep exploring."

"You do that and I promise that I will call as soon as I hear anything, okay Rose?"

"Okay, Mom," she relented. "Thank you for everything, you know."

"Anytime, Rose. I love you."

"Thanks. Talk to you soon.

"Bye Rose. Be safe"

"Always," she replied before she hung up.

That left only one person that I needed to speak with. I wanted to seek Carlisle out for us to have a conversation before he headed off to work. Instead I waited for him to find me situating myself in a chair under the stairs in a little nook. As expected, he did not have me wait long before coming down dressed for work. As soon as he sensed my location he came over to me at a slow human pace his gait and body language appearing as if I was a tiger cub in need of taming.

Watching and waiting I stayed still.

His voice was soft and deeply distressed. "I owe you a great apology, Esme," he started as he crouched next to me, putting his hand on my arm that was laying on the armrest. "How many ways can I have grievously dishonoured you?" Then he paused collecting himself. "I honestly do not know how to internalize the reality that you were my mate from that first meeting. My heart agrees, but my head is still in whirl."

"You are already forgiven, Carlisle," I told him barely whispering unable to form words to describe the emotional impact of what had just happened. "If you can adjust to my story, you can adjust to this," I told him wanting to will it to be true.

"Did you know?" he asked softly gazing into my eyes tenderly anxiousness showing up in his body language.

"I could not have known about the bond we share now. I knew nothing of your nature or of such possibilities. So, the answer to your question is no. But, I knew that I gave my heart away to you." Pausing I willed my ire away trying to keep in my mind the Carlisle my imagining had given to me. "You were right in that I was very naive when we met, and thus innocent of matters of which I now have intimate experience."

He sighed deeply with a sadness that I could not place.

Trying to see the world from his perspective I attempted to give him the words he needed to move past this. In any case, he could not change the past. It was already done. "You cannot hold yourself accountable for your own ignorance, or for believing something to be true that your experience and those you trusted said was the case. In fairness, my husband, the very idea that we could be mated to what is our natural prey would be contrary to most of our kind's ideas of how the world works. It is possible that even humans would find the concept of being mated to their food intolerable. Let this go. There is no need to hold yourself to such unattainable ideals."

In my mind I knew this was true, but my traitorous heart, my heart was so hurt and so angry.

The longer he remained silent the more somber the air between us seemed to become.

"I am grieved that I unknowingly walked away from my mate," he finally said as if speaking from some distance space. "Even if you came back into my life, I was wrong to leave. Neither my ignorance nor trust in Aro's assessment negates that I did not listen to my heart. When I look back so many signs were there that I dismissed or took as passing interest. Even when I changed you and you became my wife, my opinion of those moments did not change. I wondered briefly, of course, if we could have been mated even then, but dismissed the possibility."

His words, although did not alter the slight, soothed me. He was hurting too. His actions had hurt us both.

After a minute allowing my emotions to settle and his words to fully penetrate I spoke. "Then, if you are guilty of anything, my husband, you are guilty of letting your mind rule your heart," I told him thinking back to my imaginings and the imaginary Carlisle I had created. How I longed for him. Shaking myself out of what was pure stupidity I looked my husband in the eyes and willed myself to see him as he was: a incredible man who had created a family and worked as a doctor when the world had told him that such things were fruitless pipe dreams.

He sighed deeply again, but he didn't seem as burdened with sadness like he had when he had come down. "Give me time, I will get there," he promised.

Smiling I accepted his words hoping that he could find a way to make this true. "We have nothing but time," I assured him.

"Maybe in the big picture," he mused, "but I feel the pressure of Edward and Bella to work through this quickly."

"You'll get there," I declared to him. "Has your concern over Edward grown?" I questioned.

"No, as long as Bella is alive, then things with Edward are as they were," he replied reflectively.

"I'm scared to lose him like how Jasper described," I admitted.

"I am as well," he agreed, "More than I can possibly ever articulate. But we have time. Bella is young and alive."

"True," I agreed. After a moment's pause I asked him, "Why did you not tell me about Jasper's capacities?"

He stilled slightly taken off guard at my question. "It felt too private to reveal on his behalf, and he was already struggling so much back then that I didn't feel like it was my place."

Looking carefully at him I had to ask, "Are you keeping other things from me?"

"Many," he told me after a pause. "I respect other's privacy and although you are my wife, I do not tell you what others say in confidence, just as you do not. But I am not withholding anything from you. I didn't consider Jasper's promise and the nature of his gift to be something I was withholding. It is his to speak about."

Pursing my lips, I considered his words. "Thank you for your honesty," I told him.

He nodded watching me carefully afraid, it seemed, that he had possibly disrupted the peace we had found between us. "I've got to go, my love," he told me hesitantly.

"Yes, go. I will be here upon your return," I promised.

He nodded seemingly assured, kissed me, and turned to leave.

"Be safe," I told him as he walked out the door.

"Always," he promised as he drove away.

I should have worked on my blueprints, but didn't want to. Instead I found a window still and thought about all the changes going on with my family and tried to find guidance in the trees on how to best assist each of them.

Alice and Jasper came home later in the evening, but kept to themselves.

Staring at the stars I tried to imagine where Edward might be, what he might be doing, and how he might be faring. I imagined he was standing next to me, us watching the moon move together as I conveyed mentally all that he meant to me and how much I missed him. Of course he would roll his eyes and huff at his disbelief that he could be loved as fiercely as I insisted that I did, but I would find his reaction endearing, as I always did.

Except this time I didn't.

This time, after all these weeks with it being just Carlisle and I, and watching him struggle so much, I began to see Edward differently. I began to see how his humbleness might also contain a drop of self-loathing, how his introspectiveness might have hidden mild depression like Jasper had mentioned, how his insistence on privacy might have also been a way for him to keep himself from being vulnerable. I began to imagine how his relationship with Bella might have looked solely from the perspective of these darker attributes and it scared me. What if he left, not because it was the right thing to do, as he argued, but because he didn't believe himself worthy of her? If that was the case, he might never return without some prompting. I shuddered to think of how poorly he might see himself, and the cost we might all bear for such beliefs.

I had always known of all my children that Edward was the one in most need of affirmation and encouragement, but somehow in this light that emptiness he held inside of himself was no longer admirable or endearing. Even after all our decades together and Bella coming into his life, the possibility that he still might not be able to see his own value was difficult to acknowledge. Not that I would want him to be the know-it-all he could be sometimes. No, what I wanted for him was for him to keep his humbleness and nobility, while also seeing himself as valuable in his own right.

As I sat on the windowsill looking out watching the trees, like my imagining of Carlisle when we met, it was as if I could see the world through the alternative Edward's eyes that I had just begun to understand. What I saw grieved me beyond words. My feelings must have been fairly strong because sometime on Wednesday late afternoon Jasper came into my room and put his hand on my shoulder filling me with a slight dose of contentment that also seemed to contain concern and familial care.

"I was thinking about Edward," I explained in a muted tone.

He nodded in understanding taking his hand away.

Turning I looked at him. "Jasper, you said that Edward's emotions were fluctuating wildly and he was denying his feeling regarding Bella to himself."

He nodded, his eyes conveying concern that he might have said too much in that moment.

All of my gifted children tried to give all of us our privacy as much as they were able. He didn't talk about Edward's emotions anymore than Edward talked about Jasper's thoughts.

"Do you think it possible that he believed himself not worthy of her affection?" I asked hesitantly.

Jasper stood still for a few minutes obviously taking my questions quite seriously. "Yes, that could be a possibility. If it were true, that would explain much of what I felt from him."

My body slumped in resignation. I knew assuredly that there were many parts of Edward. He was noble and had a high moral compass. I could trust that these things would guide him. They guided him even when he drank human blood. But what if my hypothesis was correct that this darker side of Edward was what was keeping him away? "He always has worn the world on his shoulders, much like Carlisle," I said speaking my thoughts aloud.

"Yes," Jasper confirmed.

"He is much more gentle and forgiving of others than he is of himself," I stated tentatively feeling the words out.

"Aren't we all?" Jasper parried.

"Touché," I agreed.

"Carlisle is more than most, though. However, he is better about it since you spirited him away." Jasper smiled at what must have been his own private joke.

"Edward is even more so," I stated articulating my hypothesis. "I think Edward, in some ways, took on Carlisle's ways of thinking as his own. Perhaps it is because of his gift, but he is also like Carlisle in many regards."

"Indeed," Jasper agreed. "Do you remember when I interceded between them because they both were misunderstanding the other in the _exact_ same way?"

"The great Jasper mediation," I teased.

He looked at me sternly, but I could see the edges of his mouth itching to turn upwards.

"I hope that the differences I feel in Carlisle will aid Edward when he returns home," he confided in me.

"As do I Jasper. I've said as much to Carlisle."

"He's lucky to have you," Jasper told me earnestly.

"We were lucky to have you and Alice join us. You have made our family better."

"You're not just putting up with me?" he asked jokingly, but there was tenderness there.

I put my hand on his arm. "Never, Jasper. You are wanted here. We would be just as grieved if you left us, as we are to have Edward gone. You are one of ours now. Nothing can change that, ever."

He looked at me speculatively. "You mean it," he said quietly with an incredulous tone. "Even after what I told you. I expected fear and disgust. Instead you are accepting and loving and kind and genuine in your desire to have me a part of your family."

I held his arms in my hands. "Unequivocally."

"Thank you, Esme," he told me sincerely as he had each time I had told him that he was one of us, but it seemed more sincere in some way.

I could only hope that I was getting through to him.

"You're welcome," I told him with a warm smile. "You are my son, Jasper, no more or less than Emmett or Edward. The venom that flows in your veins matters not."

We stayed like that for quite a while. I suspected that he was basking in the love, acceptance, adoration, and tenderness I felt towards him.

"Can I ask a question about your gift?" I queried my tone soft.

"Ask your question," he replied in a tone that sounded older than he had been on the earth.

"When Carlisle became shocked about humans being able to be mated to a vampire I felt something that made me uncomfortable. What were you doing?"

For a moment there was a look on his face between sadness and guilt, then it was gone as quickly as it had come. "Can you describe what it felt like?" he asked.

"It felt like slivers of my emotions were being collected for an experiment for further study, like Carlisle does on cells, and then were being put under a microscope," I tried to explain. "It was disconcerting and uncomfortable, but then it stopped and you sent me the most wonderful fusion of emotions and I knew that whatever you had done, you hadn't meant it, and were immediately sorry. You are already forgiven, Jasper. I am not upset, despite the unpleasantness. I am however curious."

"Your love and graciousness is astounding, Esme," he complimented me his tone conveying amazement.

"Thank you," I told him and allowed the silence to fill the space between us trusting that when he was ready he would speak.

More than an hour had elapsed when words passed through his lips. "Most of the time I don't search out other's emotions. Like waves emotions roll off each individual and eventually reach me, within a certain distance, of course. So, most of the time I simply sit in an environment and allow the emotional tenor to touch me. My mind rarely analyses or categorizes what I experience. The more I know someone the more I intuitively know the owner of the emotion. For instance, how you feel glad is different from Alice, so if you're both glad at the same time it would come to me and I would know that you're both glad."

His eyes travelled from the window to me as if checking that I was following. Meeting his gaze I let him know to continue.

"Your emotions are generally steady and rarely fluctuate, but in that moment they were moving so fast that what reached me was incongruent with your spoken words, and I wanted to match your emotion with your words in the moment rather than waiting and reconstructing it later as I often do when Edward isn't in range. So I used my gift in a more straightforward manner and tried to understand what you were experiencing. Few respond to my probing as you did. Most don't even notice that I'm doing it, some are slightly uncomfortable, but you were close to being humiliated." He looked at me in confirmation.

"The closest description I have is a sense of being violated," I told him.

"Esme, you must know, that I was not trying to take something without your permission, violate you, or anything else of the like," he told me earnestly clearly upset. "If you need I can vow to never do it again."

Pondering his offer and its implication, I was uncertain. I hadn't liked the feeling when he had done it, but he meant no harm. "Now that I know what it is, could you do it again?" I asked reluctantly.

"Now?" he checked.

"No time like the present," I replied summoning my courage.

"Sure?" he verified.

"Yes," I agreed.

The moment he started I could feel it, but this time it was softer somehow as if he were Alice in a fabric store caressing the materials in wonder and fascination.

"I'm not sure what you did differently, Jasper. It was a peculiar sensation, but generally pleasant."

"I send out tenderness and trust with the probe," he admitted reticently.

"I meant what I said, Jasper. You are my son. I trust you with my life and Carlisle's life. I know you to be an honourable man. If the moment arises and you need to understand me once more, I'd request the second option over the first."

He looked at me taken back. "You know that I am having you trust me falsely in that mix?"

"Jasper, look back to that moment. There was no false trust. I trust you implicitly. I meant what I said. I am glad you and Alice joined us, and I would want you nowhere else than here, Jedi powers or not," I told him playfully.

He chuckled. "You are a remarkable woman, Esme. I sincerely hope that my human mother was a drop of the woman you are."

Turning to him I put my hand on his cheek. "She would have to be even greater than me to have produced such a radiant son."

He said nothing as I took my hand away knowing that physical contact made him uncomfortable.

As the sun began to set and the evening was nearly upon us I turned to him and teased, "Doesn't hurt our family's odds either that Major Whitlock of the Southern Wars is here protecting us vegetarians."

A great smile crossed his face. "No I suppose that doesn't hurt either." He chuckled.

I grabbed his arm. "Nothing you have done or will do could ever change how I feel about you and the place you have in our home. Nothing. You hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am. I hear you," he responded his accent strong.

"Good then," I confirmed hoping that he no longer held any doubt on this matter and bringing my hand to drop into my lap.

The sun was fully set now and in a few short hours Thursday would begin.

"You know," Jasper whispered conspiratorially. "Our _family_ might be unrecognizable by the time good ol' Eddie decides to grace us with his presence."

"That is my hope," I whispered in an equally conspiratorially tone. "So, my dear empath, how are we doing?"

"Moving right along," he whispered back with a sly grin.

"I never knew you were so dangerous Jasper Whitlock," I teased and grinned.

"Oh, my dear, Mrs. Cullen, you haven't seen half of it yet," he teased menacingly.

"Never doubted it," I stated whole-heartedly. After a brief pause I found the courage to ask him, "Would you stage Bella's death, and bring her here against her will if it came to that?"

He looked at me wearily possibly trying to figure out how forthright he could be with me. "I would not be the Major Whitlock of the Southern Wars if I had not at least considered it," was his eventual answer.

Nodding in understanding, I told him simply, "I am glad."

His eyes grew larger and he looked bothered at my response.

"Jasper, I love my husband," I told him slowly and incredibly softly. "You above all others know how much I love him, but he left me behind because it was the moral thing to do. His morality stopped him from embracing me, from accepting me. I paid a heavy price for his morality, and I would pay it again if needed because he is kind and compassionate and generous in measures I have never known. And I would never want this aspect of his character to change. But don't count me as a fool, Jasper. I am well aware of the fact that if push comes to shove he will do the righteous thing.

"It is who he is. It is one of the things that I admire the most about him. It is what allowed him to create this space that exists nowhere else in our world. And we need priests and doctors, but we also need soldiers. We need those willing to blacken themselves and bear the punishments seen and unseen so that the rest of us can live our lives without that burden. I don't know how you bear it. Nevertheless, I am grateful for it. I know you would raze everything, including, yourself if it meant that Alice was safe and happy. It's not the way that Carlisle loves me, because it's not the kind of man he is. But that does not mean I don't admire you or the way you love Alice."

He tilted his head slightly. "You really do," he whispered in amazement.

"I really do, Major Whitlock," I told him earnestly before lowering my voice even more, "and if things ever come to that, know that it will not change your place as a member of this family, and I will love you just the same, even possibly more for doing what would have been necessary to keep the family together. For without doubt I am certain that you would only take that option as a last resort."

Hearing Alice coming near, we changed our posture slightly.

"What ever are the two of you whispering about?" she asked playfully as soon as she came into the room, but I suspected she was slightly annoyed at not knowing what was going on.

"Esme is confiding in me her plans to secretly rule the world through acceptance, love, tenderness, and adoration," he whispered seriously to Alice.

She eyed him and then me.

I burst into laughter.

Jasper joined me and then Alice joined in.

After we had all calmed down Alice informed us, "Bella is 73% decided that she'll mail the letter she wrote."

"Why 73%?" Jasper asked.

"I think she's apprehensive. We need her desire to reach out to overshadow her fear. I'm hoping in a few more days, if things hold."

"You sound like you're predicting a stock Alice," I chided.

"Not much different," she reported.

"How do you even know this?" I asked her with an edge in my voice that demanded truth.

Alice looked away.

"Alice?" I warned.

"Well," she hedged, "I might have looked for the outcome of that one decision."

"Alice," I scolded.

"I know, I know," she relented in defeat. "I'm just so excited."

"By you rushing things you might have just miss the perfect opportunity to learn something along the way," I reminded her.

She gave me the 'I know, mom' look.

I put my hands up in surrender. "Just saying."

Jasper chuckled.

"Tell me all about your class from last night, Jasper," I insisted.

"It's my introduction to psychology class. I've taken the class four times before, but this time I'm engrossed with the material in a different way. Previously I had taken the class to improve my understanding of my gift. I had used to it try to gain a different perspectives about what I pick up emotionally in different climates, especially when we go to high school. That climate is so full of conflicting, volatile, strong emotions that it can be challenging at times. I thought if I could understand what was happening on a basic physiological and psychological basis I could improve my capacity to decipher what I pick up with my gift."

"Perfect sense to me," I agreed.

"This time I'm trying to better understand the psychology. What's happening with Edward and Bella. I'm beginning to think that perhaps my gift might allow me to see into someone's psychological world. I have no test subjects, so I'm not sure, but it's a work in progress."

"I would be willing, Jasper," I told him.

He looked at me uncertainly. "Are you sure?"

"What mother wouldn't do that and more for her son?" I challenged him.

He stilled for a long time. When he came out of his state he looked at me and said, "Thank you."

"Anything." I winked. "Anyway, I selfishly want to know more about my own capacities. Perhaps we could help one another?"

He grinned at me. "Perfect sense to me."

"And at that note, I'm going to steal my husband," Alice asserted.

"Steal away, Alice," I told her.

"Thanks," she offered as she pulled him out of my bedroom.

Well, if nothing else had happened since Christmas things between Jasper and I were changing, for the better. He had always felt my sentiments, but somehow our exchange tonight seemed to have made a difference. Perhaps he was more like Edward in his self-assessments. Conceivably it had something to do with the years of hunting humans. Perchance one day one of my two tortured sons would be willing to have a candid conversation with me about these matters. Whether or not they told me these things, though, I knew their hearts and I knew the potential of who they could be. That would be enough.

Perhaps for the first time since our move to Ithaca, I felt ready to put some love into this house and see how it might inspire me. I moved to my desk and started on the blueprints. I was stirred out of my work with a screech from Alice.

"She's sending it, she's sending it!" Alice shouted enthusiastically her volume probably scaring every bird and creature for a mile.

Coming downstairs I found Alice jumping up and down in the living room in a near blur.

Jasper had an indulgent look on his face.

"Alice dear, who's sending what?" I asked hoping to calm her before she broke something.

"Bella!" she squealed. "She finally got desperate enough to send the letter. She'll put it in the post today after school. She's been carrying it in her backpack all week. Finally!" she told us almost too fast to be understood and certainly at a volume that was high enough to nearly break glass and at a pitch that I doubted humans would be able to pick up. Then just as suddenly as she had started her high-spirited broadcast she stilled. "It should be here by Tuesday."

"Alice," I scolded softly.

Holding up her palm much like Carlisle did when trying to calm others, she told me defensively, "I checked on the letter, honest."

For the first time I allowed her words to penetrate, as I did a smile grew. "Well, I'd say this is the happiest news you've delivered in a while, Alice."

She flopped onto the couch and then stilled again.

"Carlisle should be back this afternoon. He'll have two days off again. Will you go with me to shop on Monday, then? I want to celebrate."

I chuckled at her pace. Sometimes she was a struggle to keep up with. "One day at a time, Alice. I'm glad Bella decided to respond. I'm pleased to hear that I might see my husband soon. But Monday is too far away to promise, so I'll promise that we'll see and if nothing changes then we'll go."

She jumped up and hugged me. "Okay. Deal." Then she grabbed Jasper's hand and ran out the door.

He looked pleased at her mood. I would also guess from his relaxed posture that her change was a relief to him, but his eyes as she had spoken had been calculating.

Picking up the phone, I called Rosalie. I left a voicemail letting her know that Bella's letter had been mailed today and should be arriving by Tuesday. With a genuine lightness that I had not experienced since Forks, I returned to my desk ready to fully be inspired while I waited for Carlisle to get home.

Alice wasn't too far off in her estimate. Carlisle got home only three hours later than I would have imagined.

I greeted him with a kiss when he walked in the door.

"I missed you too, love," he told me sweetly.

Looking at him carefully, "You need to journal," I assessed.

"I need you more," he argued.

"I'll be waiting," I let him know. "Come and find me when you're done."

"Sure?" he checked.

"Yes, certain," I assured him.

"All right, then," he agreed reluctantly.

He had brought his journals to Newfoundland and had written in them when he had felt the need, but I knew he hadn't journalled since our return. If it was one thing that helped my husband let go of the challenges that came with being a doctor it was his journals.

Two hours later he came and found me.

"Tough cases?" I asked.

"I tried to make it home, love, I did," he replied.

"I have no doubt," I comforted him.

"They kept coming in, so I had to pretend to sleep in the lounge and drink copious amounts of coffee," he told me clearly grieved by this need. "We just were so short-staffed."

"I was still here," I assured him. "Your family was as fine as it was when you left. I would have called otherwise."

His body relaxed some. "I know. I can't help but worry. We have never been in this position before as a family. I am split between wanting to be here and wanting to offer my aid where I can."

He was not usually one to worry like he appeared to be portraying. Although he missed us and me, he usually was more assured that we were well while he took care of his patients. Consequently, I didn't know what to say or even if I should mention anything at all. In the end I chose to offer him empathy and comfort. "Nor can I. Perhaps it is part of the role of parenthood." My words seemed to have removed whatever etching on his features that had been there. "Come," I told him as I grabbed his hand and dragged him willingly into our bathroom. I turned on the facets to our bathtub. "You, Dr. Cullen, are in need of some relaxation."

He smiled knowingly his eyes twinkling.

"I am?" he teased.

"You are," I told him confidently.

After a slow undressing on both our parts, a bath of hot water, and a loosening of his muscles, I judged that the day's work was finally left behind. "We received some good news according to our Alice," I let him know.

"Yes?" he confirmed.

"Evidently Bella put her letter into the post box today. Alice estimates its arrival to be in the Tuesday mail."

"Well then," he stated smiling.

"As today is now Saturday and our Alice informed me that you will be returning to the hospital tomorrow afternoon, do you have plans?"

"I need to hunt," he informed me.

I looked into his eyes. They didn't look any darkened shade that would have indicated that. "Did something happen?" I asked concerned.

"Only the slightest notice of a twinge," he confessed.

"Alice and Jasper left yesterday before you arrived. I assume they hunted while they were out. Perhaps we shall simply go when we are ready?" I offered.

"I'm not done with you yet, Mrs. Cullen," he told me playfully.

"I'll take your word for it, Dr. Cullen," I teased back.

The time together was good for both of us. Alice, as always, had impeccable timing. She and Jasper walked in just as we were about to head out.

"Actually, we didn't get to the hunting part. Can we go all together?" she asked still bouncing from excitement.

"Of course," Carlisle replied pleased to see Alice so full of life.

The four of us took off together. Alice subtly worked things so that Carlisle and Jasper ended up together and her and I.

When I looked at her knowingly she winked.

"Alice, let's leave these men to their bears and find us some deer," I offered light-heartedly.

"Wonderful. Meet you boys back here," Alice told them.

After we had gone off a bit, I asked, "Is Jasper all right?"

She slowed her running down to a trot. "Yes, he's being really challenged and needs a male's influence. Carlisle will handle it perfectly."

"These past months have asked a lot of us," I agreed.

"Yes," she concurred sombrely.

Right then we both caught the scent of a herd of deer and moved towards them. When we got near I let Alice pick first. I enjoyed watching all my family members hunt and Alice was no exception. She was like a ballerina dancing with the animal. It was a beautiful, if not deadly dance. I took down one that was unfortunate enough to run away from Alice towards me.

We hid our kills and then travelled back slowly.

"I'm scared, Esme," Alice admitted.

"Whatever for, dear?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"I don't know what the letter will say. What if Rose was right?"

I reached out and grabbed her to me enveloping her into a hug holding her tight and rubbing her back. When she seemed calmer I pulled back and held onto her arms. "We have no way to know for sure, Alice. We will have to wait and see."

"What if she wants nothing to do with us?" she asked as we began walking again.

"Then we will respect her wishes," I answered simply.

"But I _miss_ her," Alice pouted.

"Not everyone is meant to stay in our life indefinitely," I reminded her. It was a difficult lesson that we each had to learn through the years, and partially why we kept our distance from the locals wherever we lived. It was hard to leave others behind.

"I moved reluctantly because I believed that it would only be a matter of time before we moved back. To me it was temporary, and when we got back to Forks I would explain and she would forgive me. Then after a bit it would be okay, just like it sometimes is with Rosalie or Edward. We're family. Never would have I thought that it would have taken Edward this long to succumb. I am facing the fact that he might be stubborn and pig-headed enough to never return or to return when it's too late. I could lose her!" she moaned.

"Yes, my darling girl, you could," I confirmed sadly.

"I've never lost _anybody_. Not really. I don't remember my human life, so there was no one to miss when I woke up. I knew I'd find Jasper. I knew I'd find you all. For the first time I am afraid in a way that I have never been before. This isn't a fear of our secret coming out, or something happening to one of us, or any other things like that. It's about a person that I love. I don't know how to do this, Esme," she admitted.

"You expected things to go a certain way, and they're not going that way. It's the downside of your gift, Alice. You're ability to see what might happen doesn't mean it will, even if you line things up just right. The problem is choice. She has the right to choose." I looked at her through the corner of my eye. She looked downtrodden and chastised. Taking in a deep breath, I continued on, "You could try to take away her free will. You could decide that you know what's best and play God in her life. Or you can respect her autonomy.

"Don't mistake me. What we are speaking about is not easy, and in the end you might lose someone you love. It's a natural reaction to want to protect our own hearts from that pain, but love in its best form is selfless. With that kind of selfless love, you want what is best for the other, higher than your own desires. If you love her selflessly, then you will respect what she decides is best for her life."

"What if she decides _wrong_?" Alice demanded distraught.

"Then she will have to live with the consequences of that choice, just as you have to live with the consequences of your choice," I explained patiently.

"You know it's annoying when you're right like this. It makes it hard to argue with you," she grumbled.

I chuckled. "I imagine it would be." I paused collecting my thoughts. "But, Alice, have faith in your friendship and have hope that Bella feels at least a little the same as you. Don't despair yet. Carlisle's Bible has a part that says that perfect love casts out fear. Let your love for her remove your fear."

She nodded sombrely. "I will do my best, Esme."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "Our best is the most we can do."

When we got to the meeting point, the boys weren't there, so we settled onto the ground.

"Tell me, Alice, how was it to find out you had blood relatives out there living."

"Surreal. I mean I found the records. In theory I understand that they were my family when I was human, but it doesn't feel real."

"I would imagine not," I assured her.

"Apart from the fact that I don't remember anything from before I woke up, you are my family. They are not. Not really. The idea that I have great nephews and nieces is something I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around," she admitted.

"Do you follow them with your gift?" I asked curiously.

"No, I haven't met any of them," she explained with wistfulness.

"Do you want to?" I enquired.

"I've thought a lot about it. I don't know. I'm sure Jasper could whip up some cover story documents if I really needed. I guess I'm not ready. I might never be ready."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. "You might never be and that's all right, nothing wrong with that. It's a little like when humans are adopted. Do you remember in Buffalo when you came with me a few times to that orphanage? We are your family in every way that matters, but it makes sense that you want to know where you came from before arriving on our doorstep. That's okay too. Just do what you need, and we'll be here for you. Well, within reason."

"Don't worry, Esme, I'm not going to pull an Edward," she teased.

"Well, thank goodness. One of him is plenty," I concurred playfully.

"Plenty," Alice agreed.

We sat with my arm around her and her head on my shoulder until the boys arrived. They looked like they had been horsing around. Alice and I said nothing, but gave each other looks and hid our giggles. I was glad to see them bonding.

"I will need to leave in a few hours," Carlisle admitted as we neared the house.

"Well, get ready then, and if you can spare the time Alice call tell us exactly what she saw," I suggested.

Alice and I sat in the living room giving each other side looks and giggling at our husbands behaving so youthful. It didn't take long for both men to come down clean.

"Can we finish in time, Alice?" Carlisle asked.

She checked. "Yes."

"Go ahead then," he agreed.

* * *

 _A/N: If you have a moment, I'd love to hear from you._


	4. Without Goodbye

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 27 Dec 17)

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Without Goodbye  
**

* * *

With Carlisle and I sitting on one couch and Alice and Jasper on another Alice began to tell us how she knew that Bella had sent us a letter.

"This one had only slight distortions, but no interference.

Bella is at school. She is sitting at the table she did junior year with Jess, Lauren, Mike, Eric, Ben, and Angela.

Angela says, 'You look like you lost your dog. Everything okay?'

Bella pauses as if in debate with herself before she admits, 'I get the sense that my friend Jake is avoiding me.'

Angela puts her hand on Bella's arm. 'I'm sorry about that, Bella. That sucks.'

Bella frowns.

Angela looks at her calmly and waits saying nothing.

After a few minutes Bella says reluctantly, 'See, there's this old friend who I haven't talked to in a while and suddenly out of the blue I got a letter from her. I wrote back, but I haven't sent it. What's the point? It's not like she lives in Forks or anything.'

'Were you close?' Angela asks patiently.

'Not my best-friend, but yeah.'

'Then maybe a pen pal would be good. They would be someone you could rant to about things here without a worry about anyone in this town finding out. I'm always here if you need, too.'

Bella looks up at Angela from the table. 'Thanks Angela that's great advice.'

Then, I saw her putting it in the mail box," Alice explained.

"How did Bella look this time?" Carlisle asked.

"I could see her almost as clearly like I used to before we left Forks," she said obviously relieved.

He nodded reflecting. "And what was her appearance like?" he pressed.

Alice frowned. "Horrible. Her face looked sunken in. Hold on." She ran upstairs, grabbed her sketchbook and came back down drawing her.

When Alice finished she showed it to us all. She was right; Bella did look horrible.

Carlisle pulled in a breath.

"What is it?" I asked him.

He looked deeply troubled, but his eyes had that look he gets when he's making an assessment of something. "If I'd have to guess, she's underweight, underfed, malnourished, perhaps dehydrated. These injuries," he pointed to her face, "must have been from the motorcycle accident. If this level of malnourishment goes on, she will shorten her lifespan. The heart can only go on for so long without basic nutrition."

Alice and I dropped our mouths open and froze in place.

Bella might die early because of whatever was happening to her. That seemed impossible; I desperately wanted to doubt Carlisle, but I couldn't.

Jasper seemed to be in shock but in a different way. He looked riddled with guilt.

Carlisle reached out and put his hand on Jasper's shoulder. "This is not your fault."

"If I hadn't," he started but seemed unable to even voice the words.

"Edward, most likely, would have found another reason," Carlisle assured Jasper. "You are not to blame for what happened that night. And you are certainly not to blame for her grief."

Jasper's eyes widened. "This is grief?" he asked his tone conveying his shock.

Carlisle dropped his head sadly. "Do you remember in Esme's story when I told Edward that in some people their grief kills them?"

Jasper nodded slowly.

"This," he lifted Alice's drawing, "is what that can look like."

"How long?" I found myself asking needing to find some way of getting ahead of this.

Then my lessons about Edward came to mind. I could not protect her from herself. What if we had caused this? Would that change how we as a family needed to act?

"Depends on her food and liquid intake and some other factors. If it's really bad it can take as little as seven years before severe signs of heart failure show up," he told us in his doctor voice as if she was just another patient, which irritated me.

Why wasn't he as upset as us? "Seven years?" I asked instead appalled.

"Worst case," Carlisle confirmed. He looked at Jasper. "I have some information in my library. You're welcome to it, if you're interested. It would be under anorexia nervosa. That would be the closest to what I'm thinking."

Jasper nodded his head slightly.

"It is treatable by human medicine?" Alice asked anxiously.

"Yes, with proper nutrition and fluids as well as exercise the impacts can be reversed as long as it hadn't gotten too bad."

"How long till then?" I wanted to know.

"Another six month or so assuming there's no change, otherwise there might be permanent damage to the heart, lungs, brain or a combination of these organs."

"Oh, Carlisle," I breathed and threw myself into his arms.

He wrapped his arms around me in comfort, but seemed to need little himself.

"Her letter can't get here soon enough," Alice stated emphatically. "Edward's fury or not, I won't stand by and let her die!" Alice was bellowing. "That boy has a lot to answer for," she added menacingly.

"We will wait till the letter arrives and decide what to do then," Carlisle said sternly. He held Alice's eyes until she nodded her consent. "You still need to keep your promise, Alice," Carlisle reminded her softly. "I know you're scared for her, but this didn't happen over night, and she won't die tomorrow. We have time."

Alice nodded in agreement, albeit extremely reluctantly.

Carlisle stood up and grabbed his things to head out.

I went out to his car with him. "Are you okay, Carlisle?" I asked in a low tone so that we would have some privacy.

"No, Esme, I am not all right. I am angry and upset, but there is nothing I can do about Bella right now. Right?" His eyes pleaded with me.

After considering his question I found myself agreeing with him and my ire with his apathy disappeared. "Hope and faith," I agreed. "That's what we have."

"Edward will come home. It may take a century, but he will come home. If we lose Bella, there's no turning back," he uttered in desperation and with a tone of fear.

"I know, Carlisle," I assured him glad that he had been upset, but just hiding it. "I'm scared too," I informed him hoping it would comfort him.

"I helped make the mess and I don't know how to fix it," he admitted with the quietest of tones and at a speed that was unusual for him.

"We all helped make the mess," I reminded him. "You weren't the only one."

"The ultimate decision lays at my feet. I could have said no," he argued.

"You already know that thought is not helpful," I insisted.

He slumped his shoulder's forward. "I know," he uttered. After a few moments his continence changed and he looked at me squarely. "Hope and faith?"

"Hope and faith. When the letter arrives I will text you and we will have more information with which to decide what to do next," I reminded him in my effort to offer him comfort. "Maybe then you'll have a problem to solve instead," I teased.

He eyed me clearly not amused by my joke. After a few seconds he spoke. "I can't let our decision and Edward's folly kill her," he said forcefully. His eyes burned with a determination and willingness to do what was needed to protect our own that I hadn't seen since James. "That is unacceptable. It goes against everything I am, my very vows as a doctor."

I hugged him tight. "We will make the right decision for our family, together. Remember what you just told us–we have time."

He took in a deep breath filling his lungs with my scent. "Yes, you are right, of course. Now I must be off to save other people's children." There was a bitterness in his words that I hadn't heard since Edward had left us to hunt humans.

As I stood there watching the car fly down the drive I couldn't help but believe that Carlisle was wrong. His reaction hadn't been about who he was as a doctor, a man, or a husband. It had about who he was as a father.

By the time Monday rolled around tension was thick in the house. We all undoubtedly knew that a great many things depended on what the letter said. Usually, no matter the situation Jasper and Alice were good company. This time Alice was driving me nuts.

She had decided not to go shopping yesterday. "In case I'm wrong and it comes today," she had told me emphatically before making herself a statue theoretically watching the letter move its way across the country.

I suspected she was even driving Jasper bonkers, as he left Tuesday morning for class seeming relieved to get out of the house.

Alice didn't even offer to go with him. Instead she sat on the front steps all morning and afternoon alternating between being statuesque and her legs jumping up and down until at four minutes past three she ran off. I hoped that she would heed my warning to not open the letter unless it was addressed to her.

Coming downstairs I waited for her knowing that she wouldn't want to have to come find me. Impatience had been oozing out of her since Carlisle's frank warnings. Given her gift and thus her capacity to almost always know what would happen before it did, this waiting was extremely strenuous on her. Despite my understanding and appreciation for her struggle, it had added unnecessary tension to the house when there was already enough.

I texted Carlisle It has arrived.

She bounded into the living room the letter in hand and dropped it into my hand carefully.

Giving it my full attention, I brought it to my nose and took in the scent. There was diesel and metal and humans I didn't know. Underneath all that was the scent that was uniquely Bella's. The moment the scent entered my system I relaxed. No matter what the letter said, she was alive when she sent it. The scent told me so. I had no idea how relieving it would be to have confirmation of that fact.

Looking up at Alice I checked in with her, "How are you doing?"

She was bouncing up on her toes moving so fast she was nearing to being a blur. Just as fast she told me, "Excited, nervous, anxious, pleased, relieved, and happy."

I smiled at her response. Clearly Jasper, with his gift of empathy, was her mate. No one else in my family would have responded so precisely or with such a nuanced list. I placed a hand on her shoulder. "Calm yourself Alice. All your waiting is almost done. The letter is here. Would it be best to wait for Jasper?" I checked with her.

She smiled widely in acknowledgement of my statement and slowed her movements slightly, but then put her hands on her hips narrowing her eyes at me as if challenging me about waiting on Jasper.

"Just checking Alice," I let her know. "I wouldn't want to upset him. We've already waited this long. A little longer won't matter that much."

"To you," she huffed and immediately continued in her rapid speech, "No, he won't mind. He knows how excited and nervous I am."

"In that case," I told her. Already having brought a letter opener down with me, I picked it up, stuck the end under the flap and cut across the top. Upon opening Bella's scent assaulted me calming me further and bringing a smile to my face.

Alice also took a deep breath in, a hesitant smile threatening.

We both looked at the other and smiled nervously.

Putting my hand gingerly into the envelope, as it, along with the letter, were bent and thus crinkled in many ways, I moved slowly afraid to tear it. With the feather lightest of touches I pulled the letter through the opening I had made and pressed the paper taut so that it could be read. Walking over to the dinning room table, I sat down while laying it out flat on the tabletop. I went through it quickly once and then back through a second time reading and digesting each word.

 _Dear Esme,_

 _I suck at writing letters. Ask my mom. I thought about an email or call, but I'm not even sure I am going to mail this. Thanks for sending the letter though. It was nice to get it. Now I have something in my hand, concrete proof that I didn't imagine you. But it's also hard because it means you all really did leave. I don't blame you. I'm not upset at you or anything. He ended things between us and you're his mother. It makes sense that you would go with him._

 _When Alice sees me writing this letter I bet she'll know that I'm mad at her. Never bet against Alice. He told me that he had told her not to say goodbye to me. And I get why he would tell her that. A clean break was what he thought was best, but since when did she listen to anything he said? I guess she agreed with him about the clean break stuff and for that I'm upset._

 _Things here are getting by. Jake's been great. He's really been there for me. But he started acting all weird on Friday. Now it's Monday and he's not returning my calls. I think that's what prompted me to write. It's not like I have anyone that I can really tell things to, well other than Jake. With him down for the count that doesn't leave me anyone else and you were always such a great listener._

 _I guess that's it. I hope that the family is doing well and settled into your new home. Thanks for writing and listening._

 _Bella_

Looking over at Alice, she looked horrible. Her tiny frame was scrunched up into itself. Her face had fallen and looked like she had aged a century. I wrapped her into my arms wishing we had waited for Jasper.

She fell into me.

I held her tightly whispering, "It's okay Alice. You're going to be okay," while I wondered when Jasper was planning on coming home today. He usually stayed on campus on Tuesdays not returning until late.

We stood there like that neither of us moving until I felt Jasper's calming influence.

Alice moved and I opened my arms. She ran into his. As was their way, no words were exchanged.

Looking at them both, I asked Jasper with my gaze if Alice would be all right.

He nodded the smallest of amounts and then looked past me at the letter still on the table.

I nodded at him confirming that it had arrived.

Feeling comforted that Alice was being taking care of I turned my attention back to the letter. There was something off about it. The tone didn't sound like Bella, for one, I decided. The thing about a clean break was odd. Her wording made it sound like it was something Edward had told her, but that brought my heckles up because it sounded harsh and not all like the messages we had asked him to convey to her. If it had been me after months of spending time with Carlisle, I suspected that I would have said almost anything, begged, pleaded, even bargained to try to keep him to stay. Looking at Bella's words on the printed page changed Rosalie's suspicions within me. Her supposition that perhaps Edward's and Bella's parting hadn't been as much of a mutual break as Edward had implied to us went from a possibility to a probability. Obviously if Edward had broken things off with Bella against her wishes, he would have used his cunning intellect to do so. The question remaining was how grievous were his rationales.

Thinking back to Rosalie's words, I chided myself. Who was I to presume what Bella thought or felt? She wasn't me. She said that she was upset with Alice, but not me. That also made no sense to me. How could she not be mad at me? We were the parents. That was the role that Carlisle, Edward, and I had chosen many years ago. It was certainly more like being parents to a young adult, but still we were the parents. It wasn't like Edward ruled our family and I went wherever he wanted to go. No, whatever it was that she was trying to say passed by my understanding.

Then there was the thing about concrete proof and imagining us, which made no sense to me, not to mention her handwriting. A few times when she had done her homework at our home I had noticed that she had a messy scrawl, but it looked different in the letter. Even as I brought up the images of how Bella had written before and compared it to this, apart from saying the letters looked different, I struggled to articulate what I was seeing. As grateful as I was to have her scent in my lungs and her scrawl on a paper, I felt even further from her than I had before. There were too many mysteries.

As I sat at the table trying to picture Bella writing this letter and what she might have meant I heard Alice mumble, "She hates me, Jazz. She expected that I would defy Edward and say goodbye to her, and I didn't. I've never had to say goodbye before to anyone. We never say goodbye to our friends. I didn't even think about doing it, not once, because I was certain we'd be right back. Why would I say goodbye when we were returning?"

"I know, June bug, I know," was all Jasper whispered back over and over.

After a while I could hear Alice move and pull back a little.

"Why did I listen to that numskull? Why didn't I force them into letting me at least say goodbye to her?" her tone was sad and whining. "Why didn't I _know_ that saying goodbye would be so important? Why didn't I _see_?" she nearly snarled.

"Because, June bug," I heard the desperation in Jasper's voice and deep sorrow, "because you were focused on taking care of me. We haven't been human in a long time, Alice. We couldn't have known."

"Carlisle might have," Alice retorted with a low growl.

I felt my spine straighten and my desire to defend my husband fill me, but I knew that would not be wise. She didn't really mean her words. She was upset and wanted to find a way to fix things. Of everyone she had taken to looking up to Carlisle the most, perhaps even more than Edward. Carlisle was, to her, this magician who held the answer to all the problems that could ever exist. It make sense that she would be upset that he hadn't protected her from this pain, even if that very thought was unreasonable.

When Jasper's influence touched me I allowed it to relax my body.

"Maybe, but Alice, who of us have ever been best-friends with a human?" he told her in return. "Not even Carlisle. He might work with them and know them better than us, but he doesn't know everything, especially about human friendships. None of us are friends with humans. Not like you and Bella. Not even Carlisle."

Between Jasper's faux calm and his words the tension I had felt was completely gone, and I was grateful I had kept my mouth shut. It had been the better choice.

"Yeah, I know," Alice replied defeated. "I just wish I could fix it. How do I fix something I didn't even know I had messed up in the first place?" she asked despondently.

He paused a while before replying, "I don't know, June bug, but we'll figure it out together. We have Esme the most loving, caring being in existence. We have Carlisle the most compassionate, forgiving, patient being in existence. We have you, the most hopeful optimistic being I know. Please, don't worry, Alice. As long as she's alive there's hope. Don't lose hope." Then he said something low and into her ear that I couldn't hear.

The movement of their clothes moved further away from me.

Going back to my attempt to imagine Bella felt like an itch that I needed to scratch. Whatever was bubbling within me I wanted to let out, so I left the letter on the table, set up my easel in my office, and painted.

Using oil paints on canvas starting with the background and building the foreground on top I placed her hunched over on her bed as if she was trying to make herself even smaller than she already was naturally. I made her how Alice had described: gaunt, malnourished, hallow-looking, her clothes two sizes too big, her skin barely holding onto her bones. Under her I drew a notebook with a pen in her hand. Under that she had a textbook. Her hand with the pen was at the letter halfway point. The perspective was from her right side, so that her back, right leg, and right arm could be seen, but her hair concealed her face. In the background was her desk with nothing on it but her computer and a few textbooks, the window, and through the window trees. She was sitting on her purple comforter.

When I felt satisfied with what I had drawn I put everything away and looked at my phone. It was Wednesday.

Trying to make it home was in my inbox from Carlisle.

I needed to call Rosalie and then check on Alice.

"Hi, Mom," Rosalie greeted me concern in her tone.

"The letter arrived yesterday afternoon," I informed her.

"I figured. Alice is rarely wrong about those things," she stated.

"True," I agreed.

"What did it say?" she questioned her voice tight.

"Are you sure you want to know?" I checked.

"Yes," I heard her and Emmett state shortly after her reply.

I repeated the letter verbatim.

"Are we coming home?" she asked her voice void of any emotion.

"Carlisle isn't home yet," I let her know. "He's stuck at the hospital. We will need to make a decision, but you might fly here for nothing. We could always conference you in, if you wished."

"I want to be there," she told me certainly.

"Sure, honey?" I verified.

"Yes," her tone was firm.

"If that's what you think is best," I relented.

"We are in Asia somewhere. We will be there as soon as we can. Wait for us, please," she requested.

"We will probably discuss aspects of it before then," I let her know gently.

"That's fine," her muttered angrily.

"Be safe, darling. I love you."

"Thanks, Mom. See you soon."

"Soon," I reiterated trying to give her courage and hope right before the phone disconnected.

When I came downstairs Alice and Jasper were at the table holding hands with Jasper staring at the letter. They both looked up when I sat down in the chair across from Jasper.

Reaching out across the table, I placed my hand on top of his, which was in a tight ball.

"I could literally tear that son of a gun limbs apart and keep the parts in separate boxes for a while for what he has done," Jasper said low and menacingly his tone lethal.

I squeezed his clenched hand in silent support.

Alice reached out her hand flat on the table and I put my hand in her palm wrapping my fingers around her wrist. She shook her head back and forth.

We were like that when Carlisle came in some time after the sun had risen. He paused when he saw us. We three raised our eyes and looked at him, the space that had enveloped us broken.

"That bad?" he asked slowly concern coating his words.

Jasper took his hand from under mine and slid the letter from the centre of the three of us over to the head of the table, where Carlisle sat down to my right. He reached out his left hand for mine and I gave it to him eagerly. It seemed that my touch settled him. He looked down at the letter, then bent in closely and took in Bella's scent deeply and for longer than I had. We were fortunate that she had touched it as much as she had, as her oils had become embedded into the paper. After a few seconds he then read it like I had–once through and again at a slow human pace. When he was done he looked up at each of us.

Alice still looked shaken and sad.

Jasper's look was stoic, but his eyes were still burning with fury.

Mostly I felt confused.

"Alice, let's start with you," Carlisle asked softly and tenderly.

She stared at him like she really didn't want to talk, but Carlisle just looked back at her in his non-intrusive gentle way.

Finally she seemed to relent. "I was really upset when I read it." She shook her head back and forth. "I had no idea that not saying goodbye would be so upsetting to her and I didn't _see_ it. I feel horrible about it."

Carlisle shook his head albeit much more slowly than Alice had. "I would have never guessed." His voice was unusually low. If I would deduce, I'd say that he was feeling guilty and bad that he couldn't have foreseen this. "Sometimes my co-workers like to throw me a departing party," he continued but his voice more contemplative, "but that would be after years of working there. It seems to be human's way of marking that things are changing, that something that meant something to them is ending. I have some hypotheses about the psychological and physiological benefits to the practise, but it is something that possibly I will never fully understand. It is a human thing. Nevertheless, I humour them when I can. But Bella seems to be talking about something more than you saying the words, Alice. Your guess is probably better than mine. You knew her better."

Alice's body loosened up and some of the scowl left. "When we say our farewells to the Denalis or Peter and Charlotte we know we'll see them soon enough, and although it's polite to say goodbye, they would never be upset if I wasn't able to offer them a leaving greeting, especially if I was taking care of Jasper. They would understand, and I would just explain the next time I would see them. I thought it was the same for Bella." She paused in reflection and appeared to be reviewing her memories. "It seemed like it was hard for her to leave Phoenix and her mother before coming to Forks, but they talked regularly and they expected to see each other again. I mean Bella didn't like talking about herself much. I know she missed her mom, but didn't want to go back and live with her. But maybe me leaving Forks wasn't like that for her. It's like she is asking me to give her something, except that I don't know what it is. I don't understand, Carlisle. I mean we'd see each other again soon. I was certain of it, and told Edward to tell her so," she admitted.

"None of us could have known, Alice," Carlisle said reassuringly comforting her with his gaze.

"Except Edward," Jasper growled deeply. "That son of a gun said something to her, lied to her probably. Certainly seems like he told Bella that Alice wouldn't be in touch with her again, even though Alice told Edward otherwise."

"Have you been in contact?" Carlisle asked.

"No, not yet," Jasper replied briskly. "I closed all the email accounts and enacted all the regular protocols just as I was told to. Alice's been waiting." His tone held contempt for being required to do so, and his stare challenged Carlisle.

"Thank you Jasper for doing that. I appreciate all that you do for the family," Carlisle responded warmly.

The words melted Jasper. His tone was more contemplative when he spoke again, "but certainly Edward knew that Alice expected us to be back to Forks by now." He took a breath. "I don't know what he really said, but when he has the guts to show his face I plan on beating it out of him." Jasper was seethinghis gift spreading it and touching me slightly. "Bella's anger at Alice primarily belongs at Edward's feet."

"Tell me what you mean, Jasper. You obviously see something I don't." Carlisle's tone seemed to soothe Jasper's rage some.

When Jasper spoke once more he was pensive with only ire showing his gift no longer sending anything out. "Bella loved Alice, not like how she loved Edward, but nonetheless." He paused and looked thoughtful. "If love between mates is the crimson red of blood, friendship love like between Alice and Bella would be hot pink with glitter. It would be vibrant and exciting and fun. Few humans feel like that between each other. Truthfully, I've never felt anything quite like it. Say, the Denalis emotions towards one another are deep like the ocean full of rich strong constant tones, certainly due to their years together. Or the emotions between Edward and Emmett would have some similar qualities to the Denalis, but also have a few of the lighter tones of how Alice and Bella were. The differences are most likely due to the age of the Danalis verses Edward and Emmett, but also personality and history.

"Part of the tone of the emotion that existed between Alice and Bella is Alice's bubbling nature, but the richness that came off Bella when she was around Alice was full of texture. For what Bella says in the letter to be true at all, I would have to guess that when Edward told Bella we were leaving she asked about Alice, due to the emotional connection of their realtionship. My conjecture would be that Edward told her that he had told Alice no and that a clean break was best for both of them. In some twisted Edward logic that might make sense, but from an emotional state it doesn't work like that. Emotions are not light switches. You can't just turn them off and you certainly can't make them go away with a clean break.

"Given Bella's words and knowing her emotional temperament the little I do, I would speculate that us leaving, instead of a break like tearing a limb, would be more like a bite–ragged, difficult to heal, and forever marked. Perhaps, because of the bond between Alice and Bella, Bella assumed that Alice would know that leaving without an explanation or acknowledgement of the upcoming loss would create the kind of wound it has. Bella seemed to know this would happen without the goodbye she implied. Bella also seems to have fully believed whatever Edward told her and held onto no hope that Alice would come back."

He looked at Alice and they exchanged something between them before he continued. "Alice only left because she was _certain_ it was temporary. If not, no offense, Carlisle, but we would have, most likely, not followed your orders. Even a temporary break was going to be hurtful to my Alice. We only agreed because Alice was confident that a temporary break would allow Edward to see what a _colossal fool_ he was being. Alice was willing to suffer the loss of her friendship short-term to make Edward and this family, by extension, happy long-term." Jasper seemed more collected than he had been moments before. Then he added, "Only Edward did _something,_ " Jasper growled. "Bella's health is in danger, and at this rate is might be too late before Edward gets a clue. Alice might have needlessly suffered, even though it was her choice. All of this was preventable if _either_ Edward or you would have been willing to listen to Alice or I and see beyond your God-forsaken entrenched ideas." Jasper was fuming, but fortunately for all of us not projecting.

The last time I had seen him remotely like this was when Maria had visited us. But even then it was more apprehensive and less livid. If I didn't know him and trust him with my life, I might have been frightened. Instead I saw a hurt and scared young man upset at his powerlessness to protect the woman he loved.

My husband looked like he had gone twelve rounds with Jasper and come out defeated.

I tightened my grip on his hand.

Carlisle looked into Jasper's eyes. "Jasper, I know my apology will _never_ take away the hurt I've caused this family. I hurt Alice, and I hurt Bella. Esme is right that I acted on what I thought was best for us all at the time, but it is clear now that I was wrong. Logically Edward was correct. Our proximity to her was adding danger to her life and leaving did keep her safer from that danger. I believed that by leaving we were bringing her out of danger and away from hurt. But it seems like I grossly miscalculated. Instead we've ended up surrounded on all sides. I am deeply and entirely sorry for the pain my choice has caused both of you. I need you, Jasper, by my side. I can't get us out of this mess without you."

Jasper's posture relaxed and the fury weakened in his eyes.

Carlisle continued, "You did not fail your wife. You did not fail this family. I should have listened to you then. I _was_ the fool. I _was_ more wrapped up in my rationales and reasonings than to listen to my heart and the heart of my children. For that, I will be eternally sorry. I am listening now Jasper. You have my full and undivided attention."

Those words seemed to rock Jasper to his core.

Carlisle leaned over to him and put his hand on Jasper's shoulder.

We stayed like that until Jasper looked more like his regular calm collected self.

Jasper looked at Carlisle in a way that I've never seen between them before.

Carlisle simply nodded back to whatever Jasper was conveying.

"The war is not lost," I barely heard Carlisle say to Jasper.

"Yes, sir," was Jasper's equally quiet reply.

I caught Alice's eye and she smiled slowly sadness still etched onto her features.

We both turned back to the boys.

Carlisle looked contemplative, "Perhaps Alice and Jasper you're right. Perhaps the goodbye Bella expected is because she believes, based on Edward's words, that she would never see you again, whereas with her mother she expects contact to continue. Certainly, if it weren't for Esme's imagining I would not have considered that we would have reached out to her again. Although I did hope that like Esme, she would serendipitously come back into our lives, and I had believed that when that happened Edward would feel differently."

Alice looked at him jaw-smacked. Jasper looked bewildered.

Smiling knowingly I looked at my husband. He had wished for Edward what had happened for himself. It had been the most he could imagine for his son, well, at least before my imaginings.

Carlisle frowned and his eyebrows furrowed together. "It would seem that I was wrong about that as well. Just like in Esme's story, perhaps some kind of correspondence like email would have been better for her. I thought cutting off ties would make things safer for her, as I wouldn't expect her to understand the danger of communication in that forum in terms of our secret. And removing our connections to her certainly aided in keeping her safe from the Volturi, which was my primary concern at the time." He looked at Alice. "I am sorry for the pain this has caused you."

Alice nodded, "Well I didn't object to the plan, in fact I remember agreeing to that part, for the very reasons you just said. If we weren't going to be near, I wanted to keep her safe. Well, as safe as Bella can be."

Carlisle smiled in thanks to her.

Jasper had the strategy look that he gets.

Before he could talk I interjected. "I promised Rosalie that we would not talk strategy or make any decisions until they get here."

"Did she say when she would arrive?" Carlisle asked me.

"No," I answered. "She didn't know herself when I last spoke to her."

We all three automatically turned to Alice.

"What? Now you want me to search the future? Sure, fine then," she grumbled, but there was playfulness and teasing in her eyes. She stilled herself and her eyes glazed over. "Less than four hours. They must be on the direct flight from Hong Kong to JFK. They will be landing in an hour. Customs might slow them down some. Then they'll collect their car and drive straight here."

We all nodded.

Carlisle looked at Jasper. "Would you mind if we continued going around the table conveying our reactions to the letter itself and wait for Rosalie and Emmett to discuss opinions for action?"

"I'm done," Jasper replied stiffly.

Carlisle assessed him briefly and then turned to me.

I looked down at our intertwined hands. "Honestly, my primary reaction other than sadness was confusion, although what Jasper said helped some."

"What were you confused about, love?" Carlisle asked curious.

Thinking about how to answer I told them, "Wait there please."

Going upstairs to my office, I grabbed my drawing and brought it back down. Standing behind my chair, I showed them the backside and then turned it around holding it up.

"This," I told them softly.

Alice gasped.

My eyes were on Jasper. He looked simultaneously impressed and torn apart.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched Carlisle struggle to keep his face neutral. It was the look he carried when he had gotten home from a particularly difficult day and he wanted to keep the challenging things he had seen from our children. Then behind closed doors his face would turn into anguish.

After a moment I continued my thought. "This is what I imagined when I read the letter and I don't understand it."

They all just stared at my painting for a really long time.

It was Jasper that broke the silence. "Can you tell me, Esme, what you were feeling while you painted this?"

Thinking about how to answer I tried to find the words. "It wasn't that much different than other times I have painted. Just like any other time I tried to capture what I was imagining. I thought putting it on paper would help me. Like I explained in Newfoundland, usually I am imagining how things might turn out in the best 'what if' I can conjure." I scrunched my face as I pondered and reflected. "This time I was wanting to capture the image that Bella's words created within me. I wasn't looking for a 'what if', I wanted to capture a 'what was'. I found her tone different than the Bella I recall. And I found many things she said confusing. But I wasn't trying to capture my emotions in reading it. I was trying to capture how I imagined her feeling when she was writing it."

Once more I paused and reflected, but was unable to add to my thoughts. "I don't know if I can explain much more, Jasper."

"It looks so much like how I saw her in my vision, Esme," Alice stated faintly as if she were scared to admit it. "Only, this is worse somehow. I can't explain it, Esme, but you also captured the feeling of despair and hopelessness that I could not or would not see. She looks hollow in a way here that my sketch did not portray."

She seemed unable to look away, as did Jasper and Carlisle.

Carlisle opened and closed his mouth many times. Finally he uttered, "It is mesmerizing, Esme. It has evoked so many emotions in me I don't know if I could even name them all."

Jasper appeared as if he was containing a snigger.

"Truly, Esme, there are no words that would do it justice. I simply could have never imagined that our leaving could have that kind of affect." He shook his head. "Could you please describe what confused you? You mentioned her tone and some of the things she said."

"The tone just didn't sound like her, but her being upset might explain the difference there." I pondered. "I didn't understand the saying goodbye thing to Alice, although I think our conversation helped quite a bit. I was also confused about the clean break reference, but again our conversation helped me out there. In addition, there was the line about concrete proof. I didn't understand that at all."

They all gazed at my painting, but their eyes told me that they were all trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for that bit.

"I don't get it," Alice admitted after a while.

"My only guess is that she's referencing something that Edward said, but outside of that, I have no good ideas," Jasper relayed.

"Me either. I'm at a loss as well," Carlisle confessed.

Shortly after we heard Rose's BMW coming up the drive.

"In here," Carlisle called to them.

When Rosalie came passing into the doorway she looked at me and then at the painting. "What is that?" she asked bewildered.

"That was Esme's attempt to capture Bella as she wrote the letter," Carlisle explained his tone reverent and distressed.

"That is Bella?" she breathed as if she had no air left.

"Only my impression," I tried to explain meekly.

"Which is the physical attributes I saw in my vision plus more," Alice added sombrely.

"There's no way that's Bella," Emmett declared definitely as if saying it would make it so.

"I promise, Emmett, that's Bella," Alice pleaded.

"Can't be," Emmett retorted emphatically. "That there is a walking corpse. That couldn't possibly be our Bella."

"Read the letter," instructed Carlisle.

Moving to put the painting down on the ground behind me, Carlisle came back with a stack of books. "Let's put that here," he instructed.

Taking the books, we made a form of wall against which we propped the painting near the other end of the table.

I went and took my seat next to Carlisle.

Rosalie came and sat next to me.

Emmett sat across from her.

It wasn't our regular table conference seating, but then we were short one. As I looked around I realized that things would never be the same as they had been; they had been irrevocably changed.

After Rosalie and Emmett were both settled, Carlisle turned to Jasper, "Would you be so kind as to get them up to speed?"

"Certainly." Then he turned towards them keeping an eye on the painting like he couldn't let it out of his sight. "Alice was very upset about Bella being upset. We discussed what Bella might have meant by wishing Alice would of said goodbye. I expressed my irritation at Edward and my opinion that he lied to Bella when he explained us leaving. Esme shared her painting and confusion. Then you got home."

"What confusion?" Rosalie turned and asked me.

"Two were cleared up mostly–her tone and the statement about a clean break. The one we were discussing right before you got home was us not being real."

Rosalie looked like she was pondering something.

We all waited for her.

"Edward said once that 'She sees me as a type of hero and our life a fairy tale.'" She sounded just like Edward had in that moment. "So, maybe she was having a hard time holding onto the idea that we had been real, since she thought of our life as a fairy tale. And if Edward was being a colossal prick, he would have played on that. Given his massively arrogant backward thinking, he might even believe that if she thought we weren't real, then she would move on quicker."

"Why would Edward _do_ such a thing?" Alice asked indignantly.

The rest of us were in disbelief.

Rosalie smiled menacingly. "Because, like you, Alice, he thinks he knows what's best for others." She paused and when she spoke again the bite was out of her tone. "At least you're nice about it and there's some room to say no. Edward just does what he thinks is best, especially when it came to Bella, without any thought to the possible fallout. She held onto every word he spoke like it was gold. If he had said that the earth was flat, she would have probably bought it. But Edward," she spat his name, "uses what's in other people's heads against them for their own good, well his version anyway, as if he was some God-like figure. You take that all together and voila, Bella is doubting our reality and, no doubt, her own sanity."

We all stared at her.

"What?" Rosalie asked resentfully.

"Thank you for your insight," Carlisle finally managed to say. "Your brother does have redeeming qualities."

"Please," Rosalie stated haughtily. "Don't defend him. I know he's not all bad, but he isn't a golden child like you want to believe. He is an arrogant twat that would have saved himself, Bella, and this _family_ a lot of pain if he would have been willing to listen to anyone but himself."

"I think we can all agree now that Edward's request was not in his nor Bella nor this family's best interest. I apologise again, Rosalie, for the role I played in that mistake," Carlisle told her sincerely.

"Well, you weren't the only one," I heard her grumble.

We all waited for her to say more.

"Look, I spent the last two months thinking about Esme's tale and Bella. I still think it's a raw deal she's getting, but I was as arrogant as Edward about it. I acted like I knew what was best for her. I still think she doesn't see us clearly. I still think she would make a mistake by choosing this, but Esme's tale made me realise that it wasn't my choice to make. And I was being as much as a prick as Edward about it." She glared at each of us.

I took her hand covering it with mine.

"For which I owe you all an apology. I went about things the wrong way. No one deserves that." She waved her hand towards the painting keeping her back to it. "I still think we should have left her alone from the beginning, but we didn't. Can't change that now. If we really caused _that_ , we should fix it." Then she looked dejectedly over to Emmett.

He glared at Carlisle. "So, can I go hunt Edward down now and tear him apart and keep him in separate boxes for a while?"

Alice and I shook our heads.

Carlisle smiled grimly. "Jasper already made the request," Carlisle informed him dismally.

Emmett looked questioningly at Jasper their eye contact clearly encouraging one another. Then Jasper shook his head, but there was a shrug there that implied that the option wasn't completely off the table.

"It was determined that the priority should be Bella," Carlisle continued.

"But if the smarmy bastard showed his face?" Emmett asked menacingly.

"Then we can discuss possible consequences at that time," was all Carlisle would concede.

Even that was unlike Carlisle. I suspected that inside Carlisle held the same desire that Jasper and Emmett had voiced.

"Now what?" Rosalie asked heavily.

"Would you share your reaction Rosalie?" Carlisle offered to her.

"I'm good. Just that letter is depressing," she tacked on at the end.

"Emmett?" Carlisle asked looking at him.

"Look, Edward's my brother and I made a mistake by going along with him. Maybe I just forgot how fragile humans are or how fragile some girls are, but that," he waved his hand at the painting, "is unacceptable. We would not be Cullens if we allowed that to continue, if we have the capacity to end it. She looks tortured and like she's on death's door. We don't kill humans. It's our thing. So, as I see it, it's simple. We go get her and make her a Cullen," he growled out in his low tone that sounded like a warning.

"Thank you," Carlisle stated. "We're glad you're here and returned. Anything else to add?" he checked.

We all shook our heads no.

"Now we discuss what we want to do next," he announced without his usual preamble.


	5. Near Miss

**The reference to Alice and Jasper travelling and being in the wilderness in 1950 comes from Jessica314's story _Tale of Years:1950_ here on FF.**

 **The reference to Edward only sporadically answering his phone is inspired by _Saudade_ by HaemophilusLeona here on FF.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 1 Jan 18)

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 **Chapter 5: Near Miss  
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Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and I looked at Carlisle with uncertainty. He knew humans best. He was a doctor, after all. How were we to know the best way to proceed?

After a while of no one speaking, Alice in a small mousy voice uttered, "I'd like to try to explain to Bella why I didn't say goodbye."

Although I understood her sentiment and wished to do some thing similar, I wasn't sure of what was best for Bella or our family. It seemed that everyone else equally uncertain, as no one commented.

After an extended silence I questioned Carlisle, "How can Bella best be helped?"

He looked at each of us. "Based on the residue of her scent I can make some educated guesses on what she needs physically, but I'm no longer her physician so am missing critical elements of her medical record in order to draw any firm conclusions." He paused slightly before continuing. "Nevertheless, based on her scent alone, my guess would be that she's dangerously low on some essential vitamins and minerals, which is disrupting some of her normal functioning and potentially, without treatment, could begin to have an impact on her internal organs. Presumably there is nothing physically stopping her from absorbing these elements, unless she had another accident or acquired some ailment. Thus, based on my limited information, her diagnosis would be to ensure her consumption of the nutrients she needs and refer her to a clinical mental health professional to address her emotional well-being," Carlisle stated in his doctor tone, which upset me, since she wasn't a patient.

Allowing the possibility that he too was upset, and being in doctor mode was how he was coping with his feelings, I let my ire go focusing once more on what Bella might need.

Then Carlisle turned to Jasper. "Anything you would have to offer from your psychology classes?"

Jasper stilled clearly retrieving his memories. His studies of psychology had been entirely theoretical, not to mention that before his Introduction to Psychology class this semester at Dartmouth the last psychology class he had attended in person had been in 1988.

"I can't really say," he stated deliberately eventually. "While we were in Forks I took those classes for an online master's in general psychology like you suggested, but, as you know, they were intended to aid me with my gift and control."

Carlisle appeared like he wanted to frown, but was holding his features neutral. After a moment he explained to Jasper, "I was simply hoping a teacher might have said something that would help in this case. From what I understand usually the treatment for severe depression is psychotherapy at least once a week, most likely twice, with anti-depressants prescribed by a psychiatrist."

"Are you suggesting a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder?" Jasper questioned Carlisle clearly trying to put bits of information together, perhaps even pulling on random things that his brain had stored, but until this moment had not needed to pay attention to.

"I don't know that field well enough to make a diagnosis, nor do I have enough information regarding Bella. No, simply I was hoping some of your classes could help," Carlisle stated diplomatically.

"I'm not good with humans, Carlisle," Jasper replied as if he was uncomfortable with Carlisle's questions. After a moment he added, "I can tell you the criteria needed to make that diagnosis, but I don't know what those symptoms would actually look like."

"I understand," Carlisle agreed. "Share what you think might be pertinent from what you've learned."

Jasper paused a minute. "Assuming that she's clinically depressed, the symptoms can be depressed mood, diminished interest or pleasure in activities, significant weight loss or gain, trouble sleeping, psychomotor agitation or retardation, fatigue, feelings of worthlessness, diminished ability to think or concentrate, and recurrent thoughts of death. Many individuals are suicidal." He sounded like he was reading out of a textbook.

His tone caused me to wonder if he cared for Bella at all. Was his desire to have Bella join the family simply because it was the best tactical move for his wife? Even though his tone and presentation made the idea tempting to conclude, I refused to believe that Jasper was that cold-hearted.

Collectively we looked at my painting as if it would tell us the risk of her killing herself.

To me it seemed as if she was already doing it, just slower than a bullet to the brain. I wondered if that was the tone that had confused me. "Could that explain the motorcycles?" I pondered out loud.

"Motorcycles?" Emmett asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," Alice said impassively with slight annoyance probably from having to repeat herself. "She got some motorbikes and had someone fix them up for her and then hit her head while she tried to learn to ride it."

"Bella _rode_ a motorcycle?" Emmett's tone was a mix of being impressed and appalled.

"You said that she would be recommended to talk to someone to get better?" I asked Carlisle wanting to steer us back on track.

"I couldn't say for sure," Carlisle admitted and then looked at Jasper.

"That's what my teachers often said, but I never really understood the concept, honestly," Jasper answered.

"Could that be what she meant about not really having anyone to talk about things to?" I pushed them.

Carlisle looked over at Jasper.

Jasper paused reflecting. "Yes, that could be. She had been determined to not tell our secret, and her loyalty along with fidelity to us was high. If the Jake she referred to is Jacob Black, then he would know of our nature, since he had revealed it in the first place, so he could be someone in whom she could confide without breaking her fidelity. Given her statement, combined with what Alice saw, then it could very well be that her letter was stating her need to have someone to talk with."

"If that were the case, what would have your studies usually recommended?" Carlisle asked Jasper.

Jasper stilled once more. When he spoke he sounded like a lecturer from college. "To create a safe, trusting space where she could express her thoughts and feelings." His face furrowed in thought as if he were putting pieces of a puzzle together. After a while he looked up at Carlisle. "Over the summer when she visited our home she radiated quite a bit of trust towards Esme, but that might be diminished since we left, as in the beginning of the letter she stated that she understands Esme making Edward her priority. Then there is an issue of our secrecy. We cannot risk a letter falling into the wrong hands and email is not secure enough, neither is phone."

"Well, it's not like there a human psychologist she can talk to," Rosalie added sarcastically.

"No," agreed Carlisle after a moment's thought. "That would also be problematic."

"Sound like your options are either that she tells our secret bringing the Volturi down on us or goes crazy," Rosalie commented with ire at Carlisle.

Carlisle looked at her frowning and agreed, "Honestly, her options are limited."

"So let's go get her," Emmett declared. "Problem solved."

Alice lit up at his idea.

Carlisle smiled empathetically at her. "Perhaps," was all that he said.

"So, other than writing her back, what other option do we have?" I asked cautiously.

"Moving back to Forks," Alice stated emphatically.

"Except for boys carrying wolf genes that disturb your gift," declared Jasper.

"It would be _fine_ ," Alice retorted.

It was odd to see them fight. Was this how everyone else felt when Carlisle and I disagreed?

Jasper blew air out his nose heavily, but said nothing.

"I think it's too pre-emptive to consider moving at this stage," Carlisle claimed his features soft as he looked at Alice and then Emmett. "We really don't know if Bella would want to re-engage in relationships with us nor if us being there would make things worse for her health. Her letter did not give us any indication on what she might need. I think Rosalie's words in January were wise. We need more information," he pointed out.

Alice pouted.

Jasper nodded grimly.

Emmett looked glum, while in agreement.

Rosalie looked contemplative, but said nothing.

"Then shall I write another letter?" I asked everyone trying to break our deadlock.

Everyone nodded in the affirmative.

"Yes, my love," Carlisle said confirming our decision. "Perhaps if it goes out with the post tonight it could arrive to Bella's by next Monday the sixth. Objections?"

There were none. Getting up I went to my office to write the letter.

Carlisle asked Alice and Jasper to fill Rosalie and Emmett in to the conversations we had while they had been away. They agreed. Then Carlisle went to his office, most likely to write in his journals.

It took me some time, but I wrote the responding letter to Bella. Everyone read it and no one objected or asked for a change. Jasper and Alice went into town and put the letter into the post box at the closest post office while Rosalie and Emmett went hunting. The cover story that had been easily decided was that I had been in Ithaca visiting Jasper when I posted the reply. Certainly Jasper would have made the digital trail to match that.

"Alone at last," I greeted Carlisle from the doorway to his office after everyone had left the house.

"I missed you, my love," he admitted with great longing, his eyes still on the papers in front of him.

"And I you," I agreed.

Coming in I sat on his couch. "Do you want to tell me what transpired between you and Jasper at the table?"

He looked up from his desk at me and paused before answering. "Hopefully I communicated to him in the language he understands my deep sorrow for the hurt I inadvertently caused Alice, and how much we need him. His gift and his education in psychology alone are invaluable tools."

Pausing I measured his words before questioning him, "Certainly that's the case, but hopefully there is more to it than what he brings?"

He looked briefly flustered before answering, "I wasn't trying to imply otherwise."

"Just checking that I understood you. In truth I hope that he can be supportive of the family's decisions as well."

His face contorted into puzzlement. "I didn't think about it that way, but yes, I hope that he does not just agrees for Alice's sake, but is in support of doing what is in Bella's best interest and is willing to assist in whatever we decide."

Nodding in agreement I asked, "And the look he gave you?"

He looked down. "During our exchange he sent me what I assume was how Alice was feeling. As I was better able to convey to him my regret, he seemed placated but hesitant to trust me to the degree that he has before. The trust that had existed between us prior to us leaving Forks took a long time to build. In many ways he has controlled a coven much more lethal than our family. If we were more conventional and Jasper a different man, he could easily challenge me. He doesn't for many reasons, but that doesn't change how reluctant he is to trust implicitly after Maria, especially about anything that has to do with Alice. Nonetheless, what I conveyed seemed to shift something within him. Time will tell," he concluded.

Moments passed between us and it seemed like he was holding back on me.

"Talk to me, Carlisle," I requested.

"I lost four patients and I feel like we're losing Bella," he admitted grieved. "Your painting was gripping, Esme. It tore my heart out. I don't want to imagine how Charlie feels or how much he might hate us right now. I believe that your painting helped things between Jasper and I in the long run, but I cannot get that image from my mind."

His words instantly dissolved any lingering doubt and ire that I had held against him for the use of his doctor tone. "Did you want to go and track down Edward and quarter him as well?" I checked my tone slightly playful.

"Yes," he admitted guiltily.

"Does this mean that we care more for Bella than our first son?" I asked uncertainly and with guilt clouding my words.

"No," he answered slowly. "I think it means that we are, perhaps for the first time, seeing that our son, although alone, is capable of taking care of himself in ways that Bella is not, even though she is human and has a whole host of other humans around her that care for her." He paused. "I also think that all of us carry some measure of guilt for Bella's state and condition, much more than for Edward's, since his suffering is more or less the results of his own choices, although we did go along with it. However, I am certain that if Edward knew Bella's state, he would be devastated."

"Yes," I concluded confidently. "I am sure that you are right about that."

"What do we do now?" he asked me.

"Hope and faith," I answered having nothing else to suggest.

"Hope and faith," he repeated resigned.

Carlisle came over to me and we held one another finding comfort in each other's arms. Kissing quickly turned into more. Carlisle picked me up and at a speed that he rarely travelled took me to our bedroom. Once there he took his time undressing me, and showing me his longing for me. There was a neediness for comfort that was rare for him, but, then again, it had been a trying day. Soon enough Bella's gaunt face and sad demeanour faded from my mind and there was only Carlisle.

We finally separated Thursday evening when Carlisle was called into work. He suspected that I wouldn't see him again for three to five days. When I came out of our room Alice and Jasper had returned.

Alice was confident that Bella would have my responding letter in her mailbox by Monday. Like the first one, there was no return mail address on the envelope, only my handwriting. We had hoped that Bella would recognise my script. She had seemed to for the first letter, so we were confident that method would work once more.

Thursday, after Carlisle had gone to work, I spent my time on my blueprints for this house, which were finally beginning to take the shape. Once a few of my ideas were on paper, even if they weren't finished, I had found myself needing to express in paint the Bella I had known in Forks. Consequently, I spent all of Friday painting attempting to capture from a memory a time when Bella had sat out on the deck watching me garden. Saturday late in the evening, after the painting had all but the finishing touches on it, I found myself unable to stop comparing it to the painting downstairs. The four kids were all aware that I was painting and, thus, were probably curious of the subject matter, since they usually were. However, I wasn't ready to share my new painting yet. After it was complete, I went back to my blueprints.

Emmett and Jasper spent time together as did Alice and Rosalie. All of them seemed in better form by the time the sun rose in Saturday morning.

In the middle of me trying to figure out the north side of the second floor of the house, Alice shrieked, "Bella! Bella! What are you doing? Please don't do that. Please stop."

Immediately all three of us were in her and Jasper's bedroom watching him try to calm her.

"Alice, sweet pea, you're okay, it's okay, come back to me, June bug," he murmured to her over and over his southern drawl heavy.

After ten excruciatingly long minutes, the gaze in her eyes shifted signalling that the vision had ended.

"Tell us what happened; it's over now," Jasper cooed.

Alice got that flat monotone voice she got sometimes when she would retell a vision. "Bella has decided to go to Edward's meadow, the one he took her to on their first date."

We all nodded. None but Alice had been there, but we all knew to what she was referring.

"She's going to drive over there and hike," she spat the word, "through the woods. There's a fair amount of certainty that she'll get lost, but will find it eventually. In the most likely future it will take her hours. By the time that she gets there she'll nearly have to turn around, assuming that she wants to make it out before dark, although she hasn't decided on that bit, so her getting out of the forest is hazy at best."

"Is she damaged in any way?" Emmett asked softly.

"She's bleeding from scraps and falls. Her jeans are torn and muddy, but she's still able to walk by the time she arrives at the meadow, assuming the future doesn't change."

"That's better than her dead," Emmett stated seriously. "You shouldn't scare us like that, Ali. Don't you remember that little-bit is fragile? Edward reminded us incessantly enough about it, as if we didn't have flawless memories." He looked like he was trying to tease Alice, but there was too much genuine concern on his part for it to come off playful.

"This is just ridiculous," Rosalie huffed and ran out the door down the stairs and into the forest surrounding us.

"This sucks," Emmett added softly before he ran after her.

"We all agree," Jasper confirmed to Alice.

Alice looked at him sadly and then crumpled back into his body.

Looking at them both, Jasper appeared slightly concerned but nodded at me as if indicating that she would be okay.

Closing the door behind me softly to allow Jasper to comfort her without an audience, I tried to go back to my blueprints, but I couldn't concentrate. Instead I decided to try to paint again. Needing hope I settled on painting Bella as I had dreamed she would be one day–one of us, running and hunting alongside us all.

It wasn't that I wished for her human life to end, and certainly being a vampire was a difficult life at times, but my life as a human had been far worse, and I believed Bella was meant to come into our lives. What other reason could there have been than for her to become a Cullen? Alice had seen it from the beginning, after all.

Sitting for a while staring at the canvas, I tried to discover if I wanted the painting to be just of her or if I should include us. Opting to have the view of her be from her back, I added Alice's and my hands in hers running with her. The background colours were nearly complete when I heard Alice wail.

Darting to their room once more and opening the door without permission, I found her and Jasper in a similar position to how I had left them.

"Laurent no, you can't, don't. Please," Alice pleaded.

Then Alice came to. "Laurent is going to be in the meadow and he's thirsty. We need to call the Denalis. NOW!" she bellowed causing the windowpanes to vibrate.

"They could never stop him in time. They're too far away," I told her softly completely defeated.

We were going to lose Bella.

I texted Carlisle 911 call home.

"Jasper, please," Alice begged him.

The look on his face for the briefest of moments was pure agony before it was the calm neutral expression he usually wore.

"Tell me what happened," Jasper instructed the strength of his gift intense his features contorted in a way that I had never seen before. Despite the distance of the room's length from them and where, I stood near the doorway I felt a strange sensation of limpness, which since it was anatomically impossible was disconcerting.

Alice's voice was hollow and empty as she spoke. "She already decided to go to the meadow and Laurent was already hunting for a stray hiker when he smelled blood. He's going to track the scent to the meadow and come across Bella. It's not certain, but likely, that he will tell Bella that he was scouting the area doing a favour for Victoria. In that vision what he says scares Bella. There's a good chance she'll try to run.

"If that's the decision she makes, he most likely will stalk her taunting that we left her undefended playing with her before he drains her dry. There's a slight chance that he might state that it's nothing personal against her and will claim that he won't make it hurt too much like Victoria would have, if she had been the one to find Bella, and kills her without much fuss. There are other possibilities that are very fuzzy, but in almost all of them my vision of her goes black. She dies in his arms," she wailed grasping onto Jasper so hard that she tore his shirt.

"You didn't see Laurent bite her in every possibility?" I asked cautiously clinging on to this minuscule glimmer of hope. If Bella's fate was sealed, then it was only a matter of time. Nothing could be done.

"No," she said slowly as she shook her head the grief that had overcome her still apparent.

"Could even one of the possible futures ending in black be from something other than her death?" Jasper asked hesitantly looking slightly less tortured and more contemplative.

Alice frowned even more so, but her lamenting calmed some. "I suppose it's possible," she answered uncertainly. "But this was more than interference," she stated as if she was arguing with herself. "This was like she stopped broadcasting."

"Have you ever watched someone in your vision and them stop broadcasting?" he asked softly as if he already knew the answer.

She rolled her eyes and said irritably, "You silly, but then you'd come back, and they weren't as likely, as usually the whole battle was fuzzy."

"When you did see me die, did it look the same as what you just got from Bella?" he asked gently.

She frowned and then closed her eyes stilling in concentration.

"The blackness is the same, but it feels different. With you it felt like one possibility, with her it feels nearly certain."

"Would it be possible _at all_ for the interference to have increased to do that?" Jasper pressed her.

Alice's frown deepened. "Yes, I suppose it's possible, but that makes no sense. If it is Jake, how could he have stopped her broadcasting all together, and with Laurent there?"

"You said yourself, her surviving is unlikely, but as long as there's some chance, we shouldn't jump to conclusions. At this point we have no option but to wait and see anyway," Jasper said out loud.

"Unless the family gives me permission to search for Bella, yes," was Alice's sad reply.

"Well, Rose and Emmett aren't far away. We could call them home, and perhaps we could conference Carlisle in?" I offered.

Alice stilled. "He's in surgery now. It's not determined how long it will take yet."

"He'll call as soon as he's out," I affirmed.

Whatever cocktail Jasper had sent to Alice seemed to be reined in, so I joined them waiting on the floor, but giving them a ten foot berth.

I texted Rosalie and Emmett Please come home.

Surreptitiously I began to watch them both. As I imagined what Jasper might be going through at the moment, his willingness to do anything to keep Alice happy, even even go against the family's wishes took on a new meaning. Alice's emotional world was his emotional world. Like all mates, if she was not well, he would not be well, but somehow his gift made that truth seem to have even more weight and thus danger for them both.

"Even if they're too far away to stop it, should we call the Denalis?" I asked Jasper wanting some way of easing his burden.

He paused clearly considering my question. "I think that's a question for Carlisle."

"Usually Edward makes these decisions when Carlisle is at work," I lamented.

"You are his wife," Jasper said firmly.

"Yes, that's true," I agreed. "It was the way things were formed when I entered their lives. It shifted slightly when Edward returned in 1931, but," I paused. After some thought I continued, "I can't really explain it. It's like we fell into old patterns. Usually though Edward would just voice what I thought would be best anyway, so there seemed to be no need for me to voice the decision."

"Well, maybe we need something new," he offered his voice gentle.

"Yes, perhaps," I agreed lost in thought beginning to consider that if I were to make the decision what would I believe would be for the best? "What are you thinking Jasper?" I wondered.

He eyed me speculatively as if he wasn't sure that I really wanted the answer to the question. Finally his features changed and he spoke. "Well, from Alice's vision it appears that Laurent would be in violation of the treaty, us there or not. There is always a slight chance that in the end he will choose to leave the area and not hunt Bella in deference of our request. And then there's Carlisle's hypothesis that it is the shapeshifter gene causing the interference in Alice's vision. Those two possibilities create the most smallest of remotest of chances that Bella, Laurent, and shapeshifting descendants will converge. Even if that happened, then the chance of Bella surviving is astronomically small. But still …"

Grinning at him I teased, "Now Jasper Whitlock how come you never told me that you were an optimist?"

He smiled looking reserved. "Don't let it get out. It'll ruin my reputation."

"Can't have that," I agreed. "I think we should call the Denalis," I decided.

He simply nodded saying nothing.

Tanya picked up on the first ring. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your call Esme?" she asked.

Without any polite preamble I jumped straight into the reason for my call. "Unfortunately I have disappointing news, and wanted to inform you straight away."

"I understand," she said forgiving my bluntness. "Please continue."

Trusting in our relationship that she would say otherwise I continued, "Alice believes that Laurent will hunt near Forks." Pausing for a second it was clear that Tanya was waiting for me, so I went on and asked her, "Is it possible that he is still in contact with Victoria?"

"If he is, he has never said anything," she let me know after a momentary pause.

"Well, it would be a shame if Laurent were to inadvertently come across a classmate of Alice's, especially when he knows that we asked him to stay clear of the area. Please speak to him about it when you see him again," I requested.

"Yes," she assured me, "that would be disappointing." With a heaviness that I suspected came from being their family's leader she told me, "Irina has grown attached to him."

"It seemed to be that way when we visited, thus my call. We would want nothing to come between our families," I reiterated to her before adding, "or for Irina to be hurt if Laurent were not as serious about her as she him. Your family matters to us."

"Thank you, Esme," she stated in crisp tones clearly displeased. "I will speak to Irina and then Laurent when he returns."

"We would greatly appreciate it," I told her.

"Everything else well?" she asked politely her regular intonation returning.

"Yes, Rosalie and Emmett returned from their travels, joining us once more," I informed her cordially.

"And Edward?" she pressed.

"Trying to find Victoria as he became concerned that she would not respect our request."

She paused briefly before reminding me, "Well, we had said that for your family's safety she was better off found."

"There's some truth in your assessment," I agreed with her.

"I am glad to hear for your sake that Rosalie and Emmett have returned," she told me.

"Thank you, Tanya. How are things there?" I asked.

"Well. We have been enjoying the winter as we always do," she let me know.

"I am glad," I told her.

"Thank you for calling, Esme," she informed me.

"You're very welcome. Be well."

"Be well," she agreed before hanging up.

Jasper looked over at me. I would dare say he looked impressed.

"What do you suggest we do now?" I asked Jasper after a moment's pause.

"We wait and we hope," he replied simply.

Smiling back it was if he had stolen a page from my book. I wasn't sure how I felt about someone other than Carlisle offering it to me.

Rosalie and Emmett had not responded to my text yet, and Carlisle was probably still in surgery. Thus, there was nothing left to do but wait. Yet I didn't want to leave in case Alice got more about Bella, so I stayed in Alice's and Jasper's room. Smiling at his response, I closed my eyes and stilled allowing their scents and those of their room to calm me. I had to hope that fate would find a way of keeping Bella alive.

A few moments passed when a thought occurred to me and I turned to Jasper, "You don't have to say, but I was curious what you were doing to help Alice earlier?"

He looked chagrined. Alice and him exchanged a message through a gaze. Then he lifted his head studying me. "I broadcasted it too far."

"If you mean that I could feel it from across the room, then yes," I told him gently. Then adding since he seemed uncomfortable, "You don't have to tell me, Jasper. It was just the strangest sensation I have ever felt from you. I was simply curious."

He grunted but said no more.

Since it was clear that the conversation was finished, I focused on calming myself once more.

More than twenty minutes had passed when I could feel him looking at me. When I opened my eyes he appeared stern.

"It is not that I mind telling you Esme," he began tentatively, "more that it is not something anyone knows but Alice and thus something I do not wish for others to know."

"Understood," I told him sincerely. "Forget that I asked."

He nodded and Alice snuggled in closer to him.

More time passed before, in the barest of whispers, he spoke once more, "While commanding Maria's army I learned how to use my gift like a sword to cut someone down emotionally and to do it with enough force to stop a fight between newborns. It is a very unique cocktail that creates compliance along with a form of apathy but mixed with a type of contentment. Resentment afterwards was fairly common, but then the newborns were nearly always resentful of me, so it really didn't change the environment that much.

"The thing is that Alice never resents me, and she is confident in my use of such a thing on her. Even though it touched you, I have sensed no resentment from you. Instead you showed curiosity and had a slightly higher amount of passivity, which Carlisle might object to if he knew."

After considering his words I asked, "Why would Carlisle object?"

He smiled grimly and then had a look of uncertainty about him. "First, because he's the coven leader and I have never told him I could do such a thing, even when he specifically asked about my gift's capacities. I never told Maria either, to be fair. And second, because he might not appreciate me altering you in this way."

Frowning and mulling over his words I looked directly at him and with full sincerity told him, "I believe your assessment to be wrong. Carlisle might be disappointed that you hadn't confided in him, but he would trust your judgement on this matter. And although he might not be pleased in how your use of your gift in order to calm Alice impacted me, he would understand that you were taking care of Alice as your priority. Will there be any lasting effects?"

"Eventually it should wear off," he stated, seemingly confused over my words.

"There you see, no harm, no foul. I hope you come to trust us more in the future. Carlisle would never ask you to use your gift in such a way unless there were no other options. Perhaps one day you'll confide in him." I told him.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied in a drawl and seemed contemplative. Long moments passed before he spoke again. "I know this is true, Esme. My silence on the subject is not a matter of a lack of trust. And I know Carlisle would not ask me to treat another poorly."

When it seemed like he wasn't going to say anything else I wondered, "Then what is it?" wanting to understand what was hold him back more.

"Honestly, it's mostly my habits of self-preservation. In the beginning, I didn't fully believe the stories Alice told me about you'll, and then it didn't seem important. It's a part of my past and there are many things that I do not speak about. It simply reflects my wish to not think about or to voice those matters, so it's not like it came up in conversation."

Letting his response sink in I told him, "Thank you for clarifying. I do hope that after all these years that you feel comfortable to speak to us about anything. I mean that Jasper. I am always willing to listen, even if I don't like the topic."

He smiled slightly, "Yes, ma'am, and thank you for that."

"You're welcome," I told him easily, and then after a moment add in a motherly tone, "it's not my place to repeat what you've told me, even to Carlisle, but I would ask that you be careful."

He smiled the way he would when I mothered him and he believed himself too old for such a thing.

"Jasper?" I asked softly after some minutes had passed.

"Yes, Esme?" he responded with hesitancy as if he already knew my question.

"Could you have done that during our vote to leave Forks?" I whispered.

"Yes, but the more individuals the harder it is to get the cocktail right, since every person reacts slightly differently to emotional stimuli. It takes practise. With newborns I found a cocktail that worked nearly the same with nearly everyone, but that's because they are governed by fear and thirst, so their emotional environment is nearly identical."

"If I understand you correctly, then between your ability to increase fidelity and what you just told me, anytime you wanted to you could override our emotional responses and shape them in the fashion of your choosing?" I checked disturbed by my thoughts.

"It would be difficult, but, yes, I suppose I could," he replied subdued.

"That's quite a gift, Jasper," I admitted. After a minute's pause I asked, "Does Maria know?"

"No," he responded with absolute certainty. After a moment he added, "Peter possibly suspects, as I began to see more uses for my gift than training newborns once I had left Maria, but he would never say. Carlisle might have questions and theories, but would never ask. Alice is the only one who knows," he confided.

"Why tell me, then Jasper? It's been fifty-six years since you came into our life and I have never suspected you to hold such an ability."

He smiled softly. "You have the incredible capacity to accept and love individuals as they present themselves without judgement, Esme. You didn't see, because you are not the type to ever question and be suspicious. It's also that I don't like using my gift in such a way. To take away another's will …" he petered off and shook his head, "so I have never done more than calm us, although it took almost five years to find the right cocktail for that. With Alice her gift steals her away and I use my gift to try to get her back quicker than she would otherwise. This is nearly as bad as 1950 when she had a vision and demanded that we come to you straight away, except we were in the wilderness, so I didn't need to mind myself. I apologise, Esme. I was too worried about her to pay attention to the girth in which I was projecting."

"I understand. No harm done." After a pause I asked, "Does Edward know?"

"Now that's a good question," he mused. "It's not like I think about my gift. My gift functions on a more instinctual and physical basis. So, I'd say no, as I'd imagine he would confront me about such a thing. He's fairly protective of Alice. He truly sees her as a sister."

After another half an hour had passed, Alice was placated in a way that she wasn't usually, but otherwise seemed fine. Feeling confident that I wouldn't upset her unnecessarily, I asked, "What time was it at the meadow?"

She paused. "I'd guess from the shadows between four and five in the afternoon."

I nodded.

We had an hour to wait.

About ten minutes after my question, Rosalie and Emmett could be heard running towards the house.

"What's up?" Emmett asked as soon as he hit the back door.

"Laurent was hunting near the meadow and will come across Bella sometime in the next forty minutes approximately," Jasper explained coolly.

"I thought he was in Alaska," Emmett said with confusion and a deep scowl on his face as they walked into Alice's and Jasper's bedroom.

"We all did, but apparently he isn't," Jasper relied sadly.

Emmett sat next to me on the floor.

Looking frustrated Rosalie lay down placing her head in his lap.

"Do you want to hear it?" Alice asked grimly.

We all looked at each other.

"You shouldn't carry it alone," I answered on everyone's behalf.

She nodded. Both her and Jasper seemed to be preparing themselves for an onslaught.

When the time drew near Alice stilled clearly being overcome by what she was seeing while speaking in her unattached tone. "She's walking around the meadow. She looks disappointed. Laurent will be there soon."

We all stilled in anticipation and worry while I could feel Jasper sending out the calm I knew well. For the first time I wondered what exactly he put into what he projected for me to feel calm and if Rosalie and Emmett had the same reaction as I did. Immediately my mind began to think about how we could help Jasper in his refinement process, but then I remembered that he would get feedback via his gift on how it affected us. Quite the gift it was indeed.

Good thing Jasper was a honourable man and Carlisle was not a megalomaniac. With a telepath, a future seer, and someone who could shape other's emotional worlds Carlisle could challenge the Volturi to rule our world, not that he would want to. Nevertheless, for a moment, I was scared about how the Volturi might react when they found out about the gifts in our family, but then remembered that Carlisle was friends with Aro and held him in high esteem. They would not challenge our family because Aro would know that Carlisle had no wish to do anything but lead a quiet life. Nonetheless, suddenly the conversations between Jasper and Carlisle about our family's responsibility for Bella looked entirely different.

"Carlisle will ring you soon, Esme," Alice informed me in that same monotone voice.

Not ten seconds later my phone rang.

"You're on speakerphone, love," I told him as soon as I answered. "Alice is just telling us the most gripping story and we thought you'd want to be included. You missed the part where our heroine went on a hike to Edward's meadow this morning, which would be bad enough, given her lack of direction and general tendency to fall and thus incur scraps and bumps. Unfortunately for our heroine the villain Laurent is also _hiking_ in the area, will find her there soon, and appears to know that there is no one around to protect her," I informed him sadly.

We all heard him groan.

"Has she told the outcome?" he asked grievously.

"No, not yet. We are all waiting on her," I answered.

After the shortest human pause possible, he told us his decision, "I'll stay on the line."

"He'll arrive shortly," Alice stated in her indistinct tone fortunately remembering to speak at a slow human speed. "He'll be pleased and surprised to find her. She'll be scared, but will try to hide it. He's caught sight of her now and decided to have her. She tells him that she is protected. He tells her that he has been in the area for a bit and knows there is no one left to save her. He will claim that our family must not have cared much about her, since she was left behind, and that Victoria will be disappointed that her plans to take a mate for her mate won't be as impacting as she had hoped."

I winced at his accusations. Hearing the growls in Jasper's, Emmett's and Rosalie's chests, I looked at them poignantly and motioned to the phone reminding them that phone calls are not private from listening ears. They all looked apologetic.

"He promises to make it quick and less painful than Victoria would. She stands there calmly resigned. It goes black."

"Black?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, black, love," I answered before anyone could blurt something out. "Alice wanted permission to find an ending in her own way."

"Fine," grumbled Rosalie. "This once."

"Yes," said Emmett confidently.

"Both Alice and I say yes," Jasper informed us.

"It is a yes from me," I told him.

There was a short pause.

"Yes, Alice, but just this once," he agreed.

Her body relaxed and then stilled. Each second was more deafening than the last.

"Not sure when, but she'll be running and tripping, cut up and dirty, looking terrified, but gets into her truck, leaves, and drives away."

"Good," Carlisle stated firmly clearly relieved. "That's as good of an ending as we could ask for, Alice, no more. I have to go see the patient's family. We'll talk more about this when I get home," Carlisle informed us.

"Fine," the four of them nearly grumbled together.

"See you when you get home. Be safe," I told him.

"Always," was his answer before he hung up the phone.

Rosalie and Emmett left to go to their room.

Jasper looked positively relieved.

"You alright?" I asked Alice.

"No, but I'm glad she made it out alive. I want to know for certain what stopped Laurent," she mused.

"There was nothing in your vision to give us a clue?" I asked curious.

She closed her eyes and concentrated briefly before telling me, "No."

"Well, whatever the reason I will be eternally grateful that she lived to see another day," I told her.

"Me too," was Alice's reply.

I kissed her forehead and ruffled Jasper's hair as I got up and left.

Going back to my painting, I decided that I would add Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle's hand touching Bella's back or shoulders at different points us all travelling through the woods together.

While I painted I couldn't help but think of the letter I had sent and my primal need at that moment to receive a letter back in order to have her scent enter my body reassuring me that she was still alive. I also wondered how her encounter with Laurent might change how she understood my words.

 _My Darling Bella,_

 _I cannot adequate describe the joy I felt in receiving your letter. To have the reassurance in my hands that you are in fact alive was a precious gift. I cannot thank you enough for the courage it must have taken you to respond._

 _There are so many things that need to be conveyed, most of which cannot be said except in person, unfortunately. Nevertheless, I will attempt, to the best that I am able, to articulate to you what I can through this medium._

 _It is my genuine hope that you will know the sincerity of what I am about to say and do me the honor of responding with your thoughts. Although, I am sure you also have things you would like to say that cannot be said except in person._

 _First of all, the family was not in consensus with us leaving Forks. There were many factors in play, many of which have nothing to do with you, and are more centred on our struggles individually and collectively. I am as much to blame for my mistakes and missteps, which led to that conversation, as anyone else._

 _Carlisle and I, like most married couples, I would wager, have chosen at times to not speak what should have been said in a misguided hope of protecting the other from being hurt. Some of what I should have said to him previously reared its ugly head on that day. It is only now, after him taking a two-month sabbatical and many difficult conversations, that we are on solid footing with one another again. I perceive that you are paying for my mistakes. For that I will never be able to apologise enough._

 _My affection for you runs deep. I know that I am not the woman who birthed you and I could never replace her, but without warning you have crawled up into my heart and made yourself at home there. I will not be able to truly feel at peace until I know you are flourishing. The care and affection I have for you is real, as real is the sun behind all those clouds in Forks. It is there, despite the miles presently between us, and just like the sun, although you might not see it every day, it is there none the same._

 _Your feelings towards Alice are your own and I will leave you two to figure things out. I will tell you, though, that she did not come and say goodbye because she expected that we would be back, at least to visit, by this time. Like I, she has made her own set of mistakes, and is struggling to learn from them and grow. I also wanted to let you know that Alice has been having trouble using her artistic gift. Carlisle is uncertain its cause. Whatever it is, with regularity, she is blocked from generating images of you, and so she is unusually worried about you._

 _I am here for you to talk to anytime, day or night. You need to know that you are not alone. If all you need is an ear, I will listen. If you need encouragement, I will encourage. If you need advice, I can give you the wisdom I have. Like letters, there are many things that cannot be adequately said over the phone, but you are a smart girl, so I'm sure you will find a way to tell me what is on your heart and mind._

 _I have included the same information as I did in the previous letter in case the first became misplaced._

 _Rest assured that you are on my heart and mind every minute of every day, my darling girl. Lastly, please, for my sake, if not your own, keep yourself safe and take care of yourself._

 _With great affection,_

 _Esme Cullen_

By Sunday afternoon my painting of future Bella was complete. Purely for my own process I put nails in the walls, collected the one of Bella writing the letter from the dining room, and hung my three paintings. In order from left to right was before we moved, then her writing the letter, and last the one I had just completed. As I sat looking at them, I began to wonder what was happening with Bella at that moment. But, more than anything, I was grateful that she was alive. Hoping that the trees' root system that I had used to send Edward my love could convey my care to her, I spent some time gazing out the window at the trees asking them to send my affection to her.

We had many things to discuss as a family when Carlisle got home. What to do about what Alice saw regarding Laurent was one, Alice's vision going black was another, and it would seem, given Alice's outlook on Carlisle's schedule, Bella's opening of my letter. Although all these things were technically not urgent, Bella's near miss fuelled my desire for our family to make a decision, for me to be able to inhale her scent, and for us to better protect her than we could so far away. Carlisle's theoretical diagnosis kept going through my head. Even though she had survived, she wasn't well. The possibility that she was dying from her grief, grief that we had at least some responsibility for made it hard to wait. At the same time, I needed to adhere to Carlisle's wise counsel. If Jasper could be patient, so could I. Until we knew more, we could wait. I attempted to tell my heart to have faith and that as long as she was alive we simply just needed time and more information.

Ironically, Edward also fitted into that category. None of us had heard from him. I knew Carlisle called him occasionally to check on him, but Edward rarely picked up, and when he did he had only done so to tell Carlisle where he was and to reassure my husband he was not dead. I knew a mother's touch was not what Edward needed right now. He needed boundaries from a father not love from a mother. He knew I loved him. He didn't need a phone call to remind him. No doubt me talking to him would do nothing but increase his sense of guilt.

Needing a distraction from the problems at hand, I firmly decided that I was going to design this house with the intention of having a room for Bella. I knew it was wishful thinking, but it was my way of creating and forming my hope into something tangible. This house would declare my desire to have her be one of us, whether she ever lived with us or not or became a vampire or not. Energized about the idea I went back to my blueprints.

* * *

 _A/N: I want to continue to thank everyone who took the time to send me their thoughts. I've said this in other A/N in other stories, a writer without readers is a hobbiest, something I don't wish to be, so your thoughts mean a tremendous amount to me and the conversations they sometimes inspire._


	6. Five?

**Edward's promise to his family about sharing things with Bella comes from my story _My Family is Odd_ here on FF.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 2 Jan 18)

* * *

 **Chapter 6: Five?**

* * *

By Monday early evening I was too nervous and exited about Alice's prediction that Bella would receive my latest correspondence to concentrate, so I went to find Alice.

I wasn't the only one.

Alice and Jasper were in the living room sprawled on a couch together with Rosalie and Emmett on another. I took an armchair and tucked my legs under me.

"When does she get home again?" Rosalie complained shortly after I settled into the seat.

"Last year she would get home by half three in the afternoon. Her truck doesn't go fast, Rosalie," Alice reminded her in an irritated tone.

"I wish I _had_ rebuilt the engine, just to speed her up," Rosalie lamented.

Alice giggled and Jasper as well as Emmett appeared to be holding in grins.

I shook my head at the changes I had been observing in Rosalie, but, since I didn't want to jinx it, said nothing.

When the living room clock was at 6:14pm Alice shouted, "Yes! She decided to check the mailbox before she goes inside."

I contained my giggle and eyed Jasper who shook his head indulgently.

"Well, then?" Rosalie asked irritated tapping her foot.

" _I_ didn't make the rule about not looking," Alice pointed out snarkily. "I can only get something if she makes a decision, and I already told you some of the problems I have been running into."

"Yeah," Rosalie huffed. "I hate waiting."

If the mood of the room was any indication, none of us Cullens were really that great about waiting when it came to stuff like this. That certainly had not been the case in my early years. Not to mention that in my imagining of Carlisle the waiting had ruffled him. Although, in reflection he hadn't seemed as impatient or irritated as we were. Perhaps, we all had been spoiled by Alice's gift and all of us, not just Alice, could do with some lessons in patience. On the other hand, I considered, it could just be an expression of our collective nervousness, and put the thought aside.

As the minutes passed I really began to take into stock how much things had changed in our house since the beginning of December. We all still missed Edward. Nothing would change that until he came home. Nonetheless, Rosalie and Emmett were sitting waiting with us rather than escaping the tension. Rosalie seemed to be more engaged with matters regarding Bella rather than haughty and upset about her even being around. Jasper didn't look as strained and heavy-laden. Alice was using her gift in everyday life less and had regained some pep. Carlisle was working on making decisions from his heart when appropriate. And I was trying to see things as they were rather than how I hoped them to be, as well as increasing my courage to speak the truth, even if the other person might not like to hear what I might have to say.

More than us as individuals, though, our relationships with one another were changing, some more than others. Carlisle's and Jasper's relationship seemed to be changing a lot, for instance. Bella was continuing to impact us and change us even as she wasn't here. No matter what might happen next, it was something to be grateful for.

"She's going to look through the mail and find the letter," Alice squealed interrupting my musing.

Sighing in relief at least I knew for certain she would receive it. The rest was up to her.

"Since she decided to open it," Alice continued her voice more sombre, "it looks most likely that the blood is going to drain from her face. She's going to sit down at the table and take the letter out carefully. She's probably going to cry, but when she gets to the end will look calmer, more relaxed."

We all sat not making a sound waiting for Alice to continue.

A good thirty minutes later Alice spoke again. "She's oscillating between two decisions. Esme go get your phone in case she decides to call."

"I have it, Alice," I let her know. It was still in my pocket.

She simply nodded and went back to paying attention to what her gift would reveal to her.

Before Alice could even speak, my phone rang.

I opened it without checking the number.

"Hello," I greeted knowing immediately by the background noise and lack of immediate response that it was indeed Bella on the other end.

Giving her my full attention, I listened to everything that I could through the phone.

"Hello, Esme," I heard her say eventually like she had let out her breath for the first time in a long while.

With as much gentle kindness that I knew how to convey I told her, "It's nice to hear from you Bella." After a short pause with her saying nothing, out of politeness and not sure how else to start the conversation I asked, "Did you get my second letter?"

"I did," she said as if the words were difficult to say.

Patiently I waited for her to continue. There was a long pause and then her breathing began to hitch in ways that sounded irregular to me. How I wished Carlisle was with me to explain what these changes in her sounds meant. I knew so little about humans and how their bodies responded. Without the facial and scent cues to help me I felt entirely lost. In truth knowing the workings of the human body had always seemed like a temptation to me, causing me to admire Carlisle even more for his ability to be so curious about their functionings. Yet, as the minutes passed and I tried to understand her, I wished that I had more of his capacity, so I could assist her more.

My concern and confusion must have been clearly written on my face because Rosalie muttered lowly, so the sound barely travelled, her tone clearly irritated, "She's upset."

Taking my cue from Rosalie's assessment, I asked hoping my concern for her shown through, "What's wrong, darling?"

Her breathing was ragged like she was trying to calm herself, but was unable. "I didn't want … I just wanted … "

"I'm listening Bella. I'm just listening. It's okay," I spoke to her softly in a tone that I intended to be tenderly.

"I saw Laurent on Saturday," she blurted out in a rush.

Everyone in the room became completely still, no doubt waiting to hear what she had to say next. Alice looked one part curious, one part guilty, and two parts grieved.

I waited for Bella to say something more. It sounded like she was holding her breath waiting for me. So, I asked, allowing my concern to coat my words, "Are you all right?"

"Yes." I heard her take a breath and then, as if the next word almost wasn't said, there was the most slightest of sound. "No."

Having no idea what she needed or how to assist her, I relied upon our last family conversation. "I'm here, Bella," I reminded her hoping that my presence would be a support to her. "Take your time," I encouraged her hoping that they had been correct that her letter had indicated a desperate need to talk.

Hopefully she would choose her words carefully and not say anything that might give away our nature.

After long minutes had passed she spoke again. "Um … so he said that he was here as a favour for Victoria who wanted to get back to me for James." She paused a long while.

"Go on," I offered as a form of reassurance.

"Could he be lying?" she asked slowly like she wasn't sure she wanted an answer.

After waiting to see if she would say anything more, I asked equally slowly, "Do you want the truth?"

"Yes," she finally said after a long wait.

"No matter what?" I asked with the same measured slowness as before.

Only her breathing could be heard for a few minutes.

Nothing in the world existed but her. This in and out was so vital for her.

As each second passed, I found myself growing more and more furious. How could Edward have left her unprotected? How could we have? How could have Carlisle left me? How was it possible that leaving someone so vulnerable, so fragile to fend for themselves be love? I knew I had forgiven Carlisle, so where had this anger come from? No matter its source, it couldn't help Bella and she was my priority. Giving Bella and her sounds my full attention, I pushed everything else aside to be sorted out later.

"Yes," I heard her barely breathe out.

There was fear and trepidation, but I knew there was strength within her too. She had existed in our world for all those months. She could take the truth. I would have. The mothering part of me wanted to protect her from the consequences of the truth, but then that thinking had been what had led to Carlisle's and my trouble. This was the moment to put that lesson in action. I had to trust that she knew her own limits and what she needed, even despite my own desire to keep her from the pain the truth might cause.

Taking a deep breath myself and finding my own source of courage I told her, "There's always a chance that he was lying. At the same time, if Victoria was …" I hoped that I paused long enough for her to catch my meaning while it still sounding natural, "married to James, then it is likely that she might seek revenge. We're a large family. It would be easier to hurt us by getting to you than to attack one of us."

It sounded like tears were running down her face, but her breathing was calm.

"Are you okay?" I tried to make my voice warm and comforting.

"Scared, but thank you for the truth Esme. It means a lot to me," she stated in a voice that sounded too calm for the circumstance.

"You're welcome," I told her sincerely, proud of myself and impressed in how she had reacted.

Minutes passed.

"How are things otherwise?" I asked softly.

"They're fine. Charlie's working and fishing like normal." Then she stopped like she was afraid to say whatever she had been thinking.

I waited what seemed like a long time, but she didn't speak, so I asked gently, "Were you going to say something else"?"

"Um," she began but seemed hesitant to continue her thought.

"It's okay," I encouraged.

"Well, see," she began then stopped. When she continued her words rushing together, "I was wondering if you have plans on coming back to Forks."

"Ah." I paused wondering what she was really asking, but after a few seconds and being unable to fully decipher her meaning decided to just address her question. "Truth?" I asked needing verification.

"Yes." There was no hesitation this time.

Without indecision believing that if she could be brave, so could I, I told her earnestly, "We are considering it, but a decision has not been made. It would help to know if you would like to have us return."

Her breathing escalated and her heart rate increased.

"Would _he_ be with you?" she asked so softly that the sounds barely reached me through the phone.

Her physical reaction sounded erratic in comparison to what I had come accustomed to from her.

Had Rosalie's accusations towards Edward been even greater than she had suggested? Could his parting words been so cruel as to have done that to this sweet girl? Could have it simply been our departing or maybe the lack of goodbye that she had mentioned in her letter? Then I realized my arrogance in assuming that what was happening to her was in direct relation to our family. She might have something else going on completely unrelated. She did almost die at Laurent's hands. I suspected that alone would be enough to make a human respond in concerning ways, not to mention Carlisle's tentative diagnosis, since I had no idea how that might change her sounds.

"At this point no," I said calmly trying to not jump to conclusions and simply be present with her. "He," I said copying her language and not saying Edward in case that was important to her, "has gone off on his own and our decision will be made without him. If, after we have moved, he wanted to live with us again, we would discuss it and its implications at that time."

She gasped.

I wondered if I had said too much. Had I been too straightforward? There was so much about our family that she couldn't possibly know, as Edward had promised the family to share only things about himself with her.

"Why wouldn't he be automatically welcomed home by his family?" she asked angrily clearly defending him.

My mind tried to place this reaction along with her letter and what she had said thus far. Honestly, I felt as confused as I had when I had read her letter.

In a gentle tone I told her, "It's not that he wouldn't be welcomed, but there might be stipulations. For instance, when he left before and then returned Carlisle made it clear that to stay with us meant he had to commit to our diet. Not that we loved him less or he was less of our son, but this is Carlisle's request, not just for nomads that pass through or friends that come visit, but for us Cullens. Do you see?"

She paused for a long time. "Kind of like being grounded?" she enquired.

"Grounded?" I asked perplexed, as the term was foreign to me.

"Let's say a kid runs away like I did to Phoenix," she started explaining her tone lighter than it had been thus far. "When I came back to Charlie's he grounded me. He had rules and chores and extra stuff for me as a kind of consequence for my actions, but he still loved me."

"Yes, like that," I agreed even though it didn't come close to describing the complexity of what I was attempting to convey, but it was near enough for the time being. "If you wanted to become a Cullen, and were by that time, then you too would get a say," I let her know excited about the possibility.

"Why, Esme, would I get a say?" She sounded as if she doubted my sincerity. "He's your son. Even if were to become a Cullen, I'm not one in a family sense," she said firmly as if this explained her doubt.

Perhaps in my exuberance to speak with her and to have my hope of the future be true I had overstepped and shared too much. It seemed like with each expression from Bella everyone else in the room had just got more and more statuesque, as each statement revealed a new layer of surprise.

"There are many reasons, Bella," I told her with a slower pace than I usually spoke in hopes that doing so would aid her hearing me, "many of which would be better explained in person. I fervently hope that you know that we are family, not by what flows through our veins, but by choice. Like I said in my letter, you hold a place in my heart. If you wished to make your life with us, then that comes with certain rights and responsibilities," I explained sincerely. After a short pause I added, "At the same time, we would completely understand if you had no desire to join our family. The costs are steep."

After waiting a few minutes and having no response, I continued in hopes that doing so would help make things more clear to her, "We, as a family, have come to believe that we made a mistake in making a decision that effected you without your direct input. Edward claimed to be speaking on your behalf, and in our family couples often do that, but we see that choice differently now. We won't do that again." There was no room for argument in my tone. "I need you to know Bella that we have no desire to impose upon you. If you wished to never hear from us again, then we would respect that choice. Please don't feel pressured in any way. I am simply asking what you believe is best for you, as we should have done in September. Nothing more, nothing less."

She gasped once more, and then tears could be heard flowing down her cheeks.

When she spoke again all her words were jumbled together and her voice hitched with her crying. "Really, Esme? Really? Are you sure? I mean that much to you?"

It took me half a second to ensure I had heard her correctly, and then once I was fairly certain that I had grasped the words, their content made little sense in comparison to what I had said. It was if we were having two different conversations. Nevertheless, I decided to address her comments, even if they confused me.

Her hand could be heard being rubbed against her cheek, probably wiping her tears away.

"Yes," I answered emphatically. "I am certain that you matter to me, as certain that I am that there is a sun behind those clouds in Forks."

She made no sounds apart from those that indicated her humanity.

When she would be with us and had become surprised she would freeze. Was this what had happened? Had I surprised her?

"So, what would your thoughts be about us returning?" I asked as softly and gently as I knew, after I heard her shift her body slightly.

"All but _him?_ " she asked as if the question made her afraid.

"Yes," I confirmed.

"Um," she started and then paused, "if it's not too much trouble … "

Remembering her reaction when I had taken her upstairs to change clothes with her, after our initial encounter with Laurent's coven, caused me to pause and consider what she might be conveying in this hesitation.

Assuming that she still believed herself a burden, I interjected wanting to make sure she was clear regarding our intentions, "This isn't about Laurent. Those are separate things. I'm asking you to state your desire for us to return or stay away, which, I believe, is what we should have done in September. Nothing to do with what happened with Laurent," I told her and then tacked on, "or even whether or not you might wish to be a Cullen."

She took in a great big breath. "It isn't?" she asked dubious again.

"Absolutely." I paused briefly. "Even if Laurent had never shown up, we made a mistake. At the same time that we don't wish to repeat our mistake, we are unsure what is the best choice here. I need you to tell me what your thoughts are, and to be completely honest, even if it might hurt my feelings. I'm durable. I can take it. Promise."

She started giggling near breathlessly when I had made my comment about my durability.

A smile graced my lips. It was good to hear make such a sound. Giving her time to collect her thoughts, I waited.

After a few moments, she pressed me, "Are you sure, Esme?" She sounded very hesitant and unsure of herself.

"Yes," I confirmed firmly. "Positive."

She took in a deep breath and paused.

Hopefully that meant that she was finding the courage to speak her truth.

"I miss him the most, but I miss all of you. It hurts, Esme. It hurts more than I can bear at time, but I think," she paused briefly, "maybe," she hedged and then in a rush added, "it would be easier, in a way, with you here." The whole statement had been made extremely softly as if the words might hurt her.

"Are you sure?" I verified after mentally checking what she had said. "I want you to be sure. Absolute truth?"

"Yes, I'm sure." Her tone was stronger this time. She sounded surer. "Even with you here I will miss him. I might even miss him more with you here. And I am a hot mess right now. It's not pretty. I'm afraid you won't like this version of me. You seeing me, as I am, might change your mind about me." She sounded like she was scared to admit these things to me, maybe even to simply voice them out loud. "But I do miss you all so much, that I think that yes, I would like you here, even if it would be without him." By the last sentence she was sounding nearly certain, although her vocal wavering at her references to Edward remained constant.

"You listen to me well," I commanded upset that she thought that my sentiments for her would be so fickle or that she thought so little of herself. "Nothing will change how I feel about you. Nothing." I was nearly growling at the end.

As her breathing changed I hoped that she knew that I meant it.

Calming myself I continue, "Please know that I cannot promise anything. We will be weighing your choice in the discussion. I hope you know that the decision will be made by all of us. Nevertheless, I will tell them that your vote is yes and why."

"Thank you, Esme." She said this with such passion that I wondered if she was also trying to say something else.

"You're welcome," I offered hoping that what I had said had helped her in some small way. "Are you feeling any better?" I checked.

"Yes, actually," she replied smoothly and calmly. "It's good to talk to you."

Her answer made me think that Carlisle and Jasper had been onto something.

"I feel the same," I let her know.

I waited for her to say something, but she didn't seem to want to say anything more.

"Was there anything else?" I asked hoping my tone was inviting.

"It's silly," was her reply.

"Nothing is silly," I encouraged.

"Well, my friend Jake isn't taking my calls." Her tone died off at the end as if she wasn't sure it was okay to talk to me about this.

"Do you know why?" I asked curiously hoping to convey that I meant when I said that she could talk to me about anything.

"His Dad says he's sick and can't come to the phone," she explained with an exasperated tone.

"And you don't believe him?" I asked trying to gain clarity.

"Sometimes Billy says one thing when he means something else. I feel like he's trying to tell me something else, but I don't know what."

"Any ideas?"

"To stay away from Jake, but that makes no sense. I've known Jake since I was in diapers," she huffed.

"Could Billy be trying to warn you about things that might be dangerous for you?" I asked her trying to see the world through Billy Black's eyes.

There was a long pause. "Maybe," she muttered, then there was another long pause. "Hey, Esme, have you ever come across _wolves_ near Forks?"

This shocked me, but I modulated my voice into a neutral curiosity. "Large wolves?"

"Uh-huh. The largest," she answered as if we were talking about wildlife and not man-beasts that made my skin crawl.

"Yes, actually, many years ago. Why do you ask?" I asked carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I saw five of them when Laurent found me," she explained completely calmly with no fear or concern.

"Did they hurt you?" I couldn't help but ask.

I was scared for her. They terrified me. I couldn't imagine the impact they'd have on a human girl.

"Oh no, not at all." Her tone was if I was being ridiculous. "They were focused on Laurent, and I ran back to my truck."

"I'm glad you're safe." I was genuinely relieved and I tried to convey that in my tone. Pushing aside all the emotions that were threatening to bubble up, I focused on her question and my desire to convey that I agreed with Mr. Black in warning her away. " _Wolves_ generally stay away from humans," I explained, "but it's also best if humans give them space. They are dangerous creatures."

"I see," she said with a detached tone.

Hopefully she had heard my warning.

"Do you?" I searched hoping we were on the same page. "Please take Billy's advise. He is the Quileute chief and from what I understand cares deeply for you. I doubt he would want to see you hurt. Neither would I."

"I'll be careful, Esme," she told me as if my warnings were silly, and then added, "Promise."

I didn't doubt her. Nevertheless, given what Alice had seen about her recent activities, I simply wasn't sure what her definition of careful was, though.

Sensing that we needed a change of topic, I asked her, "Are you eating? Drinking?"

"Esme," she chided.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're such a mom," she told me whining on the last word.

"I might have been told that from time to time." I chuckled.

After a moment's pause, she said heavily, "Truth is that I'm doing my best. Please don't worry."

"I show my care by worrying," I told her hoping to assuage whatever concern she was attempting to convey. "It's in my nature."

"Mine too, I guess. Maybe that's something we share in common," she mused.

"We both like to cook and take care of others as well," I told her.

I could hear her smile. "Yes, I suppose I might be guilty of both those things also."

"Just don't neglect yourself," I requested.

"Okay, Esme," she whined my name in the same tone she had mom.

"Anything else, darling?" I checked.

"No," she told me casually adding after a second, "Thank you. This has helped."

"You're welcome," I told her earnestly. "Call day or night. I'm only ever a phone call away. You know I don't sleep much."

She giggled. "Yes, I remember. Tell Alice hello for me, okay?"

"I will," I promised. "Do you want me to relay anything else?"

"Um … just that I forgive her. I'm sure she had her reasons. And that I miss her."

Her faith in Alice, in us astounded me, not to mention her generous spirit demonstrated through her forgiveness. She really was a remarkable girl.

"Okay, I'll be sure to tell her," I said attempting to sound neutral, but wasn't sure how well I kept my emotions out of my tone.

"I'm still mad at her though," she added, albeit slightly reluctantly. Then with more conviction she told me, "She owes me big. I haven't figured out how to can make it up to me, but she will have grovelling to do."

I smiled at this new mix growing within her. Despite whatever negative consequences she might have paid for us leaving, her ability and willingness to ask for what she needed and stand up for herself in this way pleased me. It made the mother part of me proud of her.

"Makes perfect sense to me," I told her hoping that my agreement would encourage this budding aspect of her. Then I waited to see if she wanted to say anything more. After what seemed like a reasonable amount of time I asked, "Bella, how would you like me to let you know about our decision? Would it be all right to call you?"

"Um," she muttered and then paused, "well," she started to say and then stopped. After a bit she finally told me, "there's only Charlie's number here at the house."

Given the hesitancy in her tone I let her know, "I still have it, but I understand if you would rather I didn't call."

"When you do think you guys will decide?" she asked without much pause.

"That's hard to say," I admitted. "Carlisle's still at work. Sometimes these things can take days."

"Days?" she repeated astonished.

"Yes," I affirmed. "Our move to Forks took forty-one hours to decide."

She whistled softly in a form of disbelief. "What happens if Carlisle has to go to work or someone has to go to school in the midst of these negotiations?"

"They resume when we can all gather again," I explained.

"That could take _ages,_ " she stated clearly astonished.

"Sometimes," I agreed. "The record is 10.6 days."

She giggled nervously. "How about I call you at the end of the week?"

"Whatever you think is best," I told her.

"We could come up with some code. So I could call and you say one thing if it's yes and other if it's no."

I smiled at her silliness. "What if you have questions, like, when will you be here?"

"Hum, good point." She paused. "Can you impersonate someone else?" I could hear the smile in her voice.

Smiling at her smile, I admitted honestly, "No very well. Emmett's not bad at impersonations, though."

"Hum," she said while clearly considering her options. "I guess we'll have to stick with me calling you then."

"I guess we will," I agreed pleased to hear her taking the initiative.

She giggled again. "Thank again Esme. I haven't felt this good since before my birthday."

I winced at what she was implying, but attempted to hide that from her. "You're welcome. I'm glad I could help," I told her sincerely. "I wish it hadn't come to this. That's all."

"Me too. I've got to go. Dad just pulled up."

"Okay. If you're ever in trouble call collect, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks. Bye."

"Talk to you at the end of the week. Bye, Bella."

I closed my phone and stared at it not knowing what to make of the call at all.

"Esme?" I barely registered hearing Jasper ask concerned.

I looked up at him stunned as if in a daze.

"Spit it out," he insisted sending me the calm I knew so well and dulling some of my more acute emotions. "You're not feeling so good."

Allowing Jasper to use his gift to aid me in this way, I tried to collect my thoughts. "Did she just say there were _five_ wolves in the meadow with her along with Laurent?" I couldn't believe my own ears.

That sentence wouldn't possibly be true.

"Excuse me," I said cordially leaving the room as quickly as seemed polite.

I ran until I was far enough away that I could hear nothing but nature, found a tree not entirely dissimilar to the first tree I used to climb as a newborn, and placed myself on a branch.

Familiar hands wrapped themselves around me.

"When did you get home?" I asked the figure behind me.

"Minutes ago," he replied worry evident in his tone.

"Did they let you go early?" I asked confused.

"No, Esme, it's Tuesday," he told me clearly troubled by my question.

Turning my head, I stared at him.

"How is that possible?" I asked shaking my head at him. "Just minutes ago I left the house after talking to Bella."

"No, my love," he insisted his features sad and his tone grieved, "that was eleven hours ago."

Wrapping myself around his chest, my whole body started to shake.

He held me tight telling me that he was with me and that I was safe.

Once I was calmed enough to form words, I told him over his reassurances, "I can't, Carlisle. I can't lose someone else. One was too many."

"Hush now," he reassured me, "we are all safe."

He just repeated himself over and over until my body was more at ease.

When I withdrew slightly from his chest and looked up at him he whispered into my ear, "Hope and faith, remember?" But it was almost at if he were reminding himself.

Saying nothing I slumped back into him and nodded into his chest tightening my grip.

"Esme, you scared me," he admitted quietly after a while had passed. "You haven't run off into a tree since before Edward came home from his rebellious years. First you sitting on a window still lost in your imagination and now this. Please talk to me."

"I'm sorry that I scared you, Carlisle," I told him. Taking his scent deep into me, I attempted to collect my thoughts. "Every time I love there is a risk of loss. We could lose her. We almost did on Saturday. We almost did before when it was James. I don't know if I have the strength to survive these near-misses, let alone if she were to die. The thought was too much," I admitted ashamed of my weakness. His worry clearly told me that he needed me to be stronger.

"Together we will, Mrs. Cullen, together. Hope and faith, remember?" he asked this time with more strength and assurance.

"Hope and faith," I repeated, but my heart wasn't in it.

"Yes," he assured me. "Together we will have hope in our family's combined ability to change and have faith that those changes will strengthen us."

Letting out a breath, I accepted his words. We could not control the future any greater than any other creature, even with Alice's gift to aid us. I could not have stopped my son from dying, and as difficult as his passing was on me, it had brought me to Carlisle. If I wanted Carlisle to lead with his heart a little more, perhaps I could have faith that all things worked for a greater good and not have my fear rule me.

Sensing my body had relaxed into his, he told me, "Now, let's get down from this tree, go home, and try to calm our four very distraught children. Can you imagine what they might do to the house without you there?" he asked playfully winking at me.

"They wouldn't dare," I growled imagining the destruction they had caused in the past.

"Oh, I don't know. They were all pretty upset when I got home. Good thing we don't have neighbours."

I looked at him dubiously.

"Just saying," he said slightly defensively smiling at me as we landed softly on the forest's floor.

As we ran back hand in hand I asked him, "Can you forgive me for running off, Carlisle. They needed me, and I just disappeared."

After a moment he replied in a slightly tired tone, "There is nothing to forgive. I go to work. You go to trees. Quite the pair we are."

I smiled at how much Bella was like him in their easy forgiveness of others and of the image he had portrayed. "Yes, I suppose we are," I agreed.

"Do you love your trees?" he asked sincerely.

"Yes," I asserted.

"Do they help you feel better?" he asked.

"Yes," I agreed.

"Then you did what you needed to do," he told me as if it really was that simple. "I've left work. You've left the tree. Together, we'll do this together."

"Together?" I asked with more confidence than I felt.

"Together," he told me assuredly.

Once we got near the house, it was clear that Carlisle had been right. It was certainly a good thing that we didn't have neighbours. Anyone would think they were a pack of wolves the way they were growling, hissing, and yelling. I giggled at my thought. A pack of wolves indeed. Maybe Carlisle was right that the Quileute shapeshifters and us weren't so different after all.

I walked in the door putting my hands on my hips and with my mothering voice asked, "What is the meaning of this? I leave for a few hours, and?" I wave my hand towards them.

They all turned to me and had the decency to look guilty. Then they all looked at each other trying to convince the other to tell me what was going on.

Carlisle stood strongly behind me supporting me but also enjoying watching me handle our children.

Eventually Jasper spoke, "We were all pretty upset about what we heard Bella say. Statements of observation quickly turned into throwing around blame. I apologise Esme for letting tempers rise so much. I wasn't doing a great job with my own emotions."

"Nothing's broken?" I verified.

"No, we hadn't quite gotten to that point yet," Jasper admitted.

"Well, that's something," I muttered.

All except Jasper nodded like they just had done the most amazing thing in the world. He looked at me as if he was evaluating me curiously.

"Sounds like I missed an eventful conversation. Do we have enough information now to have a table conference?" Carlisle asked genuinely, but there was an underlying concern there as well.

"Yes," we grumbled, said, or spat.

We all went to the dining room table and sat in the position we had taken the last time we had been gathered here. If nothing else, it was a visual reminder of how our family was changing.

"Someone fill me in," Carlisle requested.

Rosalie was the first to speak. She relayed verbatim Bella's and my exchange.

Carlisle was stunned.

Each of the children looked irritated in their own ways, but we all waited for Carlisle.

" _Five_ wolves?" he asked in awe when he came to.

"Ironically that was nearly exactly Esme's reaction when she got off the phone," Jasper informed him.

I wondered if he was also talking about our emotional states. Given Jasper and my recent conversations, probably, I concluded.

"Glad to know we're on the same page," Carlisle stated absentmindedly. He reached for my hand and I gave it to him. Holding it tight, I could tell that he was working at containing his worry.

"I want to hear each of your thoughts and impressions," Carlisle stated. "Rosalie, would lead us off please?" he requested authoritatively.

She sat up straight seemingly pleased at his request. "It seems likely, given the combination of what Bella said and what happened in Alice's vision, that the shapeshifters are back in Forks. We have a treaty with them. In 2002 the Quiluete elders said they would hold to the treaty forged with Ephraim, but that was when there were no wolves. I don't think we can be guaranteed that the treaty will be upheld by this new pack." She hissed the last word.

After a short pause she continued, "Edward is hunting Victoria and thus if Laurent was telling the truth about Victoria seeking revenge we would know, one of the few advantages of his ability. At the same time, Laurent was right. I might have disagreed with the decision to engage with James and Victoria, but the family had made it clear to Laurent and his coven that Bella was placed under our protection. As a result, Jasper had insisted from that first meeting after Phoenix that there was some risk from Laurent and/or Victoria seeking revenge. His concerns were dismissed and were not discussed during our vote to leave Forks. Alice seeing Bella dead at Laurent's hands proves that Jasper was right. I don't really want to move. And I _really_ dislike dealing with those _dogs_ , but we shouldn't leave them to protect Bella from the likes of Laurent. Therefore, no moving, but minimally we have some obligation towards Bella."

Trying not to stare at her in utter surprise, I had no idea that she had it in her, and was proud of her. I squeezed her right hand under the table and then put my hand back in my lap.

Rosalie looked at me out of the corner of her eye and nodded slightly.

No one said anything for a few minutes.

"Emmett?" Carlisle prodded.

"Yeah, well, lots of what Rose said. The dogs shouldn't be the ones to protect Bella. We should have taken care of the coven in the field rather than be a pansy and run. I was an idiot when I didn't consider them when we were voting to leave Forks. Victoria was flighty according to Rose. Laurent is a smarmy bastard. With what Alice saw we should move back at least until Bella has graduated. It seems like Edward is having some luck finding Victoria, so we keep Bella not-dead for a few months at least, maybe by then he would have found Victoria and ended her. It should be our job to protect Bella. She sounded blubbery and wet, but I miss her." Emmett looked down at the table.

Keeping my eyes on him, I waited until I had his attention and then smiled at him encouragingly.

Alice looked at him to confirm he was done.

He nodded.

"I will have to grovel according to Bella, but I'm willing to do that and more to have her back in our lives, wolves or not," she said sounding scared but determined.

Jasper didn't miss a beat. "It's high risk: risk of exposure, risk of conflict with the wolves, risk of Victoria collecting information to use against our family, and Laurent could easily cause tension between us and the Denalis. It would not be the lay low and hide thing that we usually do. If that were not enough, we stand a good chance of attracting the attention of the Volturi, especially with the wolves. It's a horrendous environment to be stepping into. At the same time, not protecting Bella goes against everything I was led to believe it means to be a Cullen.

"We will have more options once she graduates from high school. That's only in a few months. For our kind that's a blink of an eye, but much can change in a blink. The events thus far make that clear. I believe it is our duty to keep her under our protection. Perhaps, after her graduation we could convince her to move to Ithaca with us, and she could attend Dartmouth, or to go to Alaska, somewhere where we could control the variables better. But until her obligations are over, returning to Forks, at least till the end of the school year, I deem to be the best strategic option that the family would be willing to agree to. All my other options require faking Bella's death, which I presumed everyone else would rather do only if we've run out of other possibilities. My preferred course of action is that we put her under our protection until she is turned or that we consider turning her straight away, but thus far these possibilities have been repeatedly refused for consideration."

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a look, and then Carlisle turned to me.

"Bella voted yes to us returning. She believes us being near her will be positive for her well-being. I have to trust that she knows what is good for her in this regard," I started with. "I miss her. Wolves or not and irrelevant of the events regarding Laurent, I think moving back is the right thing to do for her and for us as a family."

The fury I had felt while on the phone with Bella started to rise up in me again.

Jasper caught my eye and raised his eyebrow.

I squeezed Carlisle's hand slightly to let him know I was done speaking.

"We are unanimous, then, in our belief that we are responsible for Bella." He paused.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"The question then is how to best proceed. Jasper is the best tracker of scent between us. However, the nature of Forks means that older trails would not linger and we have no guarantee there would be a fresh trail in order to determine how much of what Laurent said is truth. At the same time, the fact is that he was near Forks at all, when the expectates were made clear to him, and supposedly is sweet on Irina, is deeply concerning. Given this seeming conflict, treading carefully until more clarity of the situation is ascertained is vital. Therefore, relying solely on Alice's visions complications our ability to communicate what is happening with the Denalis. Given the importance of our relationship with them, it might take some time to sort fiction from fact and gain a clearer picture. Additionally, I have to agree with Emmett that even in our limited exposure to Victoria she seemed unusually difficult to corner, which is only supported by the fact that Edward hasn't found her yet, despite his assurances that he is closing in on her. Even with the remote chance that Laurent spoke the truth, and Victoria is in the midst of plotting revenge for James, Bella is not at risk from her, given Edward's pursuit."

Rosalie straightened up even tighter.

"And it seemed that Laurent and Bella's meeting was by chance and he had not set out to harm her."

All the children rolled their eyes bar Jasper who was studying Carlisle curiously.

He held up his hands. "Nevertheless, his presence in the area at all is disconcerting. Ultimately, my preference would be to not have to kill Victoria or Laurent."

Except Jasper, who looked like he was puzzling out a mystery, the kids all looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Hold on," he requested. "Victoria has yet to attack us directly, and we have no way to know for certain if Laurent was lying to Bella or not. Even if what Alice picked up from Laurent was true, according to Laurent, Victoria sent Laurent rather come herself. It is therefore a reasonable conclusion that she is too timid to attack Bella directly. And even in Alice's vision, Laurent hadn't sought Bella out. It was a chance meeting."

Even I was internally grumbling at his comment. Still, I waited patiently to see where he was going with this.

"However," and just like that he had all their attention, "we cannot forget that our kind can be notoriously patient when they have a purpose in mind, and we are lacking facts. Given Bella's fragile nature, it seems neither wise nor honourable to take the chance to risk her life on our hypotheses. I appreciate your simultaneous admonishment and reminder, Jasper. Even if we weren't the ones to tell Bella, we _are_ responsible to keep her safe from Laurent, and potentially Victoria. Prior to Bella's phone call my only hesitancy was my concern that our return might negatively impact her well-being. However, Bella has voiced her yes and we have no choice but to trust her assessment of her own needs.

"That concern resolved; a new one has developed. We need to seriously consider the re-emergence of the wolves. We would need to inform the tribe elders of our intention to return and insure the treaty is still in tact. Depending on their response, we would have different options. We could move to Victoria, British Columbia and attempt to manage things from there, for instance, or even from Seattle if need be. Given the fact that we have no solid information regarding Laurent or Victoria, cannot determine the true impact of moving back on Bella's mental and physical heath, and the uncertainty of the treaty, I recommend we address where the treaty stands next. In the mean time, will you four please begin assessing what we will need for every contingency? I will call Billy Black in a few hours, given the time difference, and see what he says. We will reassemble once I have spoken to him. Any objections or comments?"

Rosalie looked to be in the most disagreement, but said nothing.

Carlisle paused long enough that it was clear no one was going to say anything more, got up, and went to his office.

I went to follow, but Jasper stopped me at the base of the stairs.

"Esme," he said softly but hesitantly. There was also a warning in his tone.

"Yes, Jasper?" I asked confused by his tone.

He lent into me and spoke too quietly for the sound to carry anywhere further than my ear. "In all our years with you I have never felt from you anything above ire or irritation, usually at something broken, and it disappears quickly with indulgence and happiness. In the last twenty hours you have been truly angry twice. Whatever caused that emotion to rise up within you I recommend you address it. I don't want it to change you and it can, if you repress it or ignore it. I speak from experience."

Then he pulled back and looked at me in my eyes. "Only because I care deeply about you, Esme, would I even say something," he whispered softly. "You have used who you are to help heal me." What was left unspoken I understood. He was afraid I wouldn't let him also heal me.

I pulled him into a hug without considering the normal physical distance he kept from everyone but Alice. "Thank you," I murmured into his ear. Then I realised the closeness might be making him uncomfortable and I pulled back. I looked at him carefully to make sure I hadn't offend or upset him.

"It was unexpected, but I'm okay," he informed me his voice sounding unsure.

"Do I owe you an apology?" I asked watching him carefully.

"Certainly not," he insisted his accent especially strong. I took that as a sign to the depth of how my gesture had meant to him.

"Well then, I won't." I smirked slightly at him. "You might even have to prepare yourself for a repeat at some point," I teased.

"I'll be on guard," he said back seriously, but there was a light teasing in his tone and his eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Thank you again. I will consider your wisdom thoroughly," I assured him.

He nodded in his southern gentlemanly way and left to go back to the dining room. I imagined him commanding troops and knew we would all be in good hands while they came up with different strategies.

Naturally, I found Carlisle in his office, his place of retreat and sanctuary, where he could think through and reflect on his day and on the family. However, instead of writing in his journal, as I expected that he would have been, he was hunched over his desk with his face in his hands.

"Let's go find a tree," I suggested.

He looked up and smiled slightly. Taking my hand, we dropped out of the closest window, and ran together.

"How's this one?" he asked when we came to the one where he had found me earlier.

"It served me well. Perhaps it will again," I told him smiling.

"On the ground or in the trees?" he asked his eyes sparkling with delight.

"High in the trees," I ascertained. "I think we might need a view."

"The lady is wise," was his reply before he bounded up.

I followed after him unsure if I had the strength within me to support him in the manner that he might need.

He found a sturdy branch and positioned his back against the trunk with a leg on each side.

I sat down in front of him my back leaning into his chest.

"What troubles you, my dear?" I asked him after some companionable silence.

"So much." His voice was heavy with grief.

"What is the greatest?" I asked him gently giving space in my question for him to fully hear that I wanted to be his support.

After a moment he admitted his voice soft and low, "Fear that we might lose Bella. I can't imagine what it will do to you, to this family, not to mention Edward, if that were to occur."

"And to yourself?" I asked feeling that anger rise up in me again.

"I have lost many humans through the years, Esme," he told me his voice equally burdened and fully of an audacity as if my question was foolish. "They are not designed to last, and I cannot save everyone." Never in all my years had I ever heard my husband sound so superior. Certainly it was a statement of truth and one he possibly told himself regularly to ease the reality of creating a connection with his patients in order to heal them and watch helplessly on those occasions when they didn't improve.

Despite my intellectual understanding of what he was most likely intending to convey, the fury that I had felt while speaking to Bella came back flooding me tenfold. In one lithe movement I turned around furiously and faced him snarling roared, "She is not just any human!"

For the first time in our marriage my husband cringed moving his body back slightly into the tree appearing to be frightened of me.


	7. Hope, Faith, and Love

**Esme's and Edward's conversation about him sneaking into Bella's room to watch her sleep can be found in my story _My Family is Odd_ here in FF.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 4 Jan 18)

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 **Chapter 7: Hope, Faith, and Love**

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With hesitancy Carlisle spoke in a tone clearly intended to soothe me, "I know, Esme." He paused watching me carefully before continuing. "I know. I did not mean to imply otherwise," he said meekly while keeping a close eye on me.

Abhorring the idea that he might fear me, I forced my body to relax some and my voice to sound calmer. "I know you know that Carlisle, but how could you say such a thing? How could Edward leave her unprotected? How could you have agreed? How could you have left _me_?" By the end the fury had been replaced with intense pain. I was vibrating in sorrow my whole body heaving.

He looked like he wanted to reach out for me and draw me into himself, but was hesitant to do so appearing unsure of how to best comfort me.

A part of me wanted to be wrapped within his arms, and another wanted to rip his arms off.

Instead he remained still and his tone took a calming, yet morose quality as he told me, "I could not imagine that you were meant for me." There was a slight questioning tone at the end as if he wasn't sure.

Despite he tone, what he said hit a nerve and the fury overcame me once more. "What am I some doll? Some doctor's wife that you get to wear on your arm so you can pass for human better?" I sneered.

He sounded appalled. "Never," he avowed looking ashamed.

"Then what?" I snapped.

"Esme," he said reverently, "You have to understand, I became the monster I had hunted, and, although I had never taken a human life, I could not imagine that the wonderful beautiful kind thoughtful brazen literature-loving _young_ girl in the hospital bed could care for me as a woman might a man."

He had explained these things to me in the past, and in the past the words sounded sweet, not to mention that I still had my imagining rooted within me. Nevertheless, with all this pain and hurt combined with fear and anger they were pitiful to my ears. "Dr. Cullen, are you telling me that you did not see yourself worthy of receiving a blessing your God had brought into your life?" I asked my voice sharp.

"Absolutely," he stated definitively watching me carefully as if I was a tiger preparing to pounce on a gazelle. "Certainly not one that would require me to bite and potentially kill," he answered with a slight meekness.

His weariness of me softened my anger, but it was simmering just barely under the surface. "Kill? I don't understand, Carlisle," I told him.

"I had never had my lips and teeth in such a position in the nearly three hundred years since my turning, and I was terrified that if I did that I would not be able to stop," he admitted shamefully.

"But you risked it with Edward," I stated confused my ire dying down.

"Because he would be dead anyway, if I hadn't. Because if I had failed, I would not have stolen a life."

"You were unwilling to risk mine?" I asked in confirmation.

"I could not," he simply said sadly.

Sitting watching him carefully, I allowed the words to fully penetrate into me. "Was that because you cared for me or simply because I was a human who wasn't dying?"

He looked chagrined.

Perhaps I had inadvertently hit a nerve, but this time I wanted an honest answer.

After him taking his time to reflect he finally told me, "Esme, it is true that my morals would not wish to steal a human's life away, any human's. However, if I had known what you were meant to signify to me, I doubt that I could have stayed away. When I noticed you in the morgue something within me perceived what I hadn't been able to before, and I bit you before my mind could protest, understand my own behaviour, or even consider the cost."

It was clear on his features that he was struggling to articulate to what he was attempting to convey.

Mulling over his words, I eventually reached a tentative conclusion, "You really did care for me, even then, even if you did not know it, in your own way the seed of love was there." As each word exited my mouth I grew deeper in awe of the reality of what I was saying, it hitting me in a way that never had before.

He stared at me puzzled. Finally he asked gently, "Did you doubt my care and affection for you?"

Huffing I scowled, "What is a girl to think? You left me. No matter the noble of reasons you left without offering me a choice, both in our past and in my imaginings. Then you agreed for Edward to do the same." With those thoughts my anger once more increased and I bitingly asked, "It is certainly not as cruel as Charles, but tell me Carlisle, how is your actions any different than when he kept me prisoner in his home?" then I paused realising that I had just allowed words to pass through my lips that I would have never uttered if I had not been so upset.

Immediately my tone became remorseful. "I apologise, Carlisle, you are nothing like Charles, and have given me nothing but the gentlest of touches since I came into this second life. I spoke in anger." Pleading with him I asked, "Please forgive me."

He seemed lost for a moment my apology making no difference in his appearance. When his eyes caught mine they were full of sorrow. "No, I suppose my behaviour and Charles', in the way we have assumed to know better than you and forced you into our ways, is not that terribly different. I acted upon you without your consent both when I left and when I bit you. You are right; my action contained an arrogance that presumed that I knew better than you regarding your own life. It was paternal of me. That was not my intention at the time, but I still was wrong."

My body rocked in the relief and sorrow his words brought, healing old wounds that I thought were long behind me.

He opened his arm and I entered them willingly. They wrapped around me and he rocked with me. Kissing the crown in my head he whispered to me, "You have no need to beg forgiveness from me, Esme. You are forgiven, and never do I want to be the kind of husband from whom you need to beg, for anything, for any reason."

Nodding my head I heard his words. Once my body was stiller, I asking whispering, "How _could_ you, Carlisle?" the words drowned in my sorrow and hurt.

"I thought I was doing the right thing," he explained his words coated in sorrow and regret.

I shook my head vehemently unwilling to accept that answer.

"I know it's wholly inadequate reason, but it's the truth. It doesn't excuse things. It doesn't change the pain I caused you. I was ignorant. I was a fool. I valued reason above all else. And I could not see how my heart was tied to you. I believe Edward to be guilty of my sins. I gave him a poor example to follow _and_ I supported him making the same errors I did. I am so sorry, Esme. I can never tell you how sorry I am."

It became his turn to mourn and we held each other comforting the other. When we had both calmed I pulled back to look him squarely.

"I know this Carlisle."

He looked at me skeptically.

"I do," I insisted. "In my mind I do, and in truth I have already forgiven you. The wound is already healing. I am sorry that I allowed my anger and hurt to utter words that I would have never said otherwise."

"I already told you that you were forgiven," he stated firmly.

"I am sorry nonetheless."

He nodded for me to continue.

"I need to ask you a serious and possibly unpleasant question," I told him hesitantly unsure if we were ready for more possible pain.

He looked into my eyes concerned, but willing to hear me. "Speak your mind, my love," he encouraged.

"Do you think that Edward also believes, as you once did, and is convinced that Bella cannot love him or worse that he is unworthy of love?"

After pondering my words he replied, "Yes, I can see that being true."

I growled low and in my chest my previous reaction of ire returning to me. Not wishing to speak in anger once more, I lifted my head and took in the beauty around me allowing it to soothe me.

When I believed myself to be a calmer I told Carlisle, "I must confess that when I spoke to Bella I found myself extremely angry with you and Edward. She sounded so pitiful and sad, Carlisle. This isn't a patient. This is someone we welcomed into our home. Even if Edward spoke truthfully upon her behalf, us leaving without her input was a mistake. I understand why you made the choice you did, and why you were unable to hear Jasper's, Alice's, or my point of views, but I can't help but be angry with you and Edward. You both were so immersed in your own worldview that you were unable to see ours. It's so unlike you. Usually you have an incredible capacity to see everyone's perspective and blend them, and to see Edward's true motivation, but at the vote to leave Forks you could not. Why not? What prevented you?" By the end my tone contained frustration and sorrow.

He hung his head. "Because, my love, if I disagreed with Edward, disagreed with the very thoughts I have had regarding the choice I made to leave you at sixteen, then I would have had to face the reality that I had failed you, that I held some part of the blame for Charles and everything that happened to you. I couldn't do it. I was unable.

"You are my Achilles heel and I could not accept a possibility where I played a part in that man's treatment of you. It was too painful to face, so I refused to see any possibility but what I had chosen. Edward spoke words to me in defence of his request mirrored my own fortified position. It was only after your tale that I was able to see things from a different perspective, to see within it another way that I could not before. I am not able to imagine as you do, my love. And it has cost you and this family so much."

His head fell into his hands again.

Carlisle's admission was balm to my soul and so entirely disappointing. For so long I had known this truth. If I was honestly, I had always known. My question hadn't been so much in needing the answer as needing to hear him voice it. After him doing so, I wished that he could take the words back. As he had spoken them, they had ripped my heart apart confirming what had previously only been in my head. Despite the pain they caused me, I had asked for them, and worse, I understood them. His deep and abiding love for me was simultaneously his greatest strength and fundamental weakness. It was this weakness that Edward had exploited for his own means. A part of me wanted to be angry at Carlisle for his words, but my heart was not in it.

"What does that say about the character of our son?" I asked out loud.

After a moments pondery he said, "That he is willing to do anything, even be unhonourable to accomplish what he thinks is right."

Mulling over this I wondered, "Right for whom?"

Carlisle looked at me as if he had been slapped. Taking my hands into his and holding them firmly he looked into my eyes and told me, "For him."

My breath caught. It was like we were having the same conversation again only Edward in place of Carlisle. Except in some ways, I was responsible for Edward's choices and his conduct. The conversation he and I had about him sneaking into Bella's room to watch her sleep came to mind. Yes, he was his own man, and yes I probably couldn't have stopped him, but I had some role in things, and I could not completely deny my responsibility, no matter how much I might want to.

"I am not blameless in our current situation, Carlisle," I told him speaking each word slowly putting my thoughts to voice. "I have my own role that I have played. I lacked the courage to be fully honest with you about my feelings during my human years in my attempt to spare you pain. But the small pain I would have caused by this truth would have saved us this huge mess we are in now. Not to mention that I did not help Edward in perhaps the way he needed to learn how to handle the complex emotions that come with courting a woman, let alone a human. My anger is as much directed at myself as it is at you and Edward."

"And I never asked because I was a coward and was afraid of the answer," he admitted.

Sitting I tried to view these events from his perspective and put aside my own hurt. "Is it cowardly to not ask the questions that we know will cause us discomfort? That sounds like self-preservation. Otherwise it would be masochistic. And that is not an attractive quality, and fortunately something you are nothing like. You might deny your instincts and have been overly rational, but your motives were for good."

He looked up at me with a slight smile. "How do you turn my mistakes into such reasonable decisions?"

Smiling back at him I told him, "Because you are a reasonable man who in the core of your being does not intend harm either to others or to yourself."

"And least of all to you," he added.

"And to the least of all me," I agreed.

He looked more relaxed and calmer, yet contemplative.

"Carlisle," I stated pulling him out of his thoughts after a while had passed.

His eyes focused on me.

"We cannot be cowards with ourselves or with each other moving forward. The risks are very high, and we might loose our family if we are not careful," I warned him.

He nodded in agreement.

After a long stretch of silence I decided to brave a question I probably didn't want to hear the answer to. "Are you angry at me for not telling you the unabridged truth before Newfoundland?" I asked bashfully.

He paused before answering. "I understand why you didn't," he said softly and carefully, "but yes, a little."

His words displeased me, but I was glad to hear his truth. "Thank you for being honest, Carlisle."

"I have never been anything other than honest with you, Esme."

Leaning into him I agreed, "I know that and I am grateful that is the case."

He held me tight seeming to find comfort in my proximity.

After a while I retreated some so I could look at him admitting another uncomfortable truth. "I am upset you never asked, but more than anything, I am angry that you were so afraid to love and be loved that you left me."

He frowned significantly and clearly pondered his reply. "I had no idea what I was missing or that such a thing like what I have today was possible."

His answer surprised me. "You did not know you could love and be loved?"

"No," he answered ashamed. "You know my father was not a loving man. I loved him, in a way, but it contained fear. I think there might have been a girl in my human life that I was infatuated with, but I am certain that it never built into love. I was ignorant. I am so sorry, my wife. You have taught me so much, and given me so much, this more than anything."

Springing myself upon him I kissed him, because his words made me so sad and I could feel the power in their truth. My anger dissipated. His sin was ignorance. How could I ever hold him accountable for his ignorance? I was still upset and hurt in a small way, but his words had assuaged so much.

I pulled back. "I apologise for holding back things from you, Carlisle. I was, in ignorance, attempting to protect you in a way that was wrong and my choices suggested that I could not trust you enough to withstand the truth."

His face told me that he knew this and it had hurt him. "I get it Esme. I am guilty of the same thing, but we can't anymore, can we?" he mused.

I shook my head no.

His face turned into determination. "You're right, once again my love, there is too much at stake. We might be taking our four children and ourselves into a territory with wolves and a scorned coven."

"If we are not sound, the family will not be sound," I agreed.

"I love you with everything, Esme. If I had known, I would not have walked away as I did."

"I cannot bear to be in a world without you, Carlisle. You have my adoration and love, but also my respect. You are a good man, a good father, and a good leader. One decision that was clouded in your own limitations does not undo decades of keeping us safe and whole and thriving. You have learned. You will not make the same mistake again."

I watched as the Carlisle I had known and loved returned to his eyes, but then something more grew there. His mistake had cost us, but he was willing to learn from it and it was changing him for the better.

"Are you still angry, my love?" he asked me tentatively.

"I am still somewhat at Edward, but not any longer at you or myself. Frustrated at the situation we are in, irritated at ourselves for our mistakes, burdened by the weight of the cost of our missteps, worried over what the future might hold, but no, not angry."

"I feel a great many of those things too," he admitted reluctantly. "I had a wise woman, though, tell me that hope and faith was the medicine that was needed."

I raised my eyebrow.

"Oh, yes, my darling wife," he said in a slightly mocking tone clearly being playful with me, "we shall hope and have faith. We shall hope that the Quileutes will honour their forefather's word. We shall have faith that we _all_ shall be alive by June. And, I shall add, we shall love all those the good Lord has bestowed upon us. For the greatest of these is love."

A restful quiet descended upon us. Hope, Faith, and Love.

"We need to get back," Carlisle stated reluctantly.

I looked at the sky it was nearing midday.

"Yes," I replied equally reluctant.

"Would you mind, love, if I said a prayer before we headed back?"

"No, Carlisle. Pray away."

After a brief pause he started speaking his cadence and accent of what could only be his youth returning. "Heavenly Father thou humble servants come before You with gratefulness for all the blessings that You have given us. You know all that is in store for us. We beseech You for guidance and wisdom. Assist us, oh Lord, to protect those you have placed in our care. In your name I pray. Amen."

"Amen," I agreed quietly.

And without a word we clambered down and headed back hand in hand.

About a mile away from the house Carlisle slowed down and placed a call to Billy Black, a man I had met only the once at the border when we had arrived in Forks in 2002.

"Hello," an older human male answered gruffly sounding exactly as I remember Mr. Black from that brief encounter.

"Good morning, Mr. Black," Carlisle stated sounding cordial but firm.

"What can I do for you, _Doctor_ Cullen?" he said it as if it were blasphemous.

Where they always this hostile with Carlisle?

"I called because we were led to believe that enemies of ours exist in the area. We will be returning to find them and remove any danger their presence might incur."

"Is that right?" he retorted as if Carlisle was lying. "How many of your _enemies_ do you expect to show up?"

"Two from the same coven," Carlisle agreed as if there were no accusation. "Will your tribe still be adhering to Ephraim's treaty upon our return?"

"We can take care of it," was the terse reply.

"Of that I have no doubt," Carlisle graciously agreed. "But neither of us would want innocents to pay with their lives. And it would be intolerable if someone from your tribe were to be harmed by our enemy. Perhaps even, we could work together to keeping others from being harmed," he offered his hope that they would agree to this clear in his tone.

"We'll keep to what was agreed by Ephraim," Billy allowed seemingly reluctantly. "I'll mention your offer at the next council meeting, but I doubt anyone will want to take you up on it. When will you be arriving?" he asked gruffly but the hostility sounded to have decreased.

"We have not decided yet," Carlisle let him know, "but I can let you know as soon as it's set."

"Fine, fine. How long can we expect you to stay?" Billy grumbled.

"That is also not determined, but it would be impossible for us to stay longer than six years."

"We would prefer as little as possible," Billy informed him strongly.

"Then perhaps the council could consider working together to expedite matters?" Carlisle pressed.

"No promises" was the terse reply.

"Perfectly understood," Carlisle stated disappointed. "Thank you Mr. Black. You honour your grandfather well."

It sounded like he snorted before the phone disconnected.

"That went well," Carlisle reported.

"Well?" I asked incredulously. That did not sound well to me.

"Yes, much better than I expected. They are a honourable people. If Billy says they will honour the treaty, then they will, five wolves or not." He shook his head. " _Five,_ " he muttered. "I wonder what could create such numbers. Ephraim's pack only had three."

"If it came to it, we would still have the numbers. It takes three of them to one of us, Carlisle. We are six; they are five. And in Forks there are many trees. It's not that hard to evade them."

"But we are seven with one who is very fragile," he replied clearly lost in thought.

Jumping on him, he stumbled slightly surprised by my reaction while I hugged him tightly. "I love you," I proclaimed before I found his lips.

"And I you," he attempted in the midst of our kissing smiling at my reaction to his proclamation.

It didn't take long before Carlisle pulled back.

"I know, I know," I shushed him. "I can't help but love you, though."

He chuckled. "How I shall never be able to count the ways in which I love you." Then he kissed me deeply pulling me into himself. Before either of us got carried away he withdrew, grabbed my hand, and we finished our run to the house.

After a few hundred yards Carlisle said as if talking to himself, "How could I have missed the resurgence of the wolves?"

"Perhaps it happened after we left?" I offered.

"Perhaps," he agreed, "but that would make them very young, and the young of any species is often arrogant, hot-headed, and confident in a way that makes them dangerous. Ephraim was experienced and wise. These wolves might not be like that."

"True," I concurred, "they would not be Ephraim."

He seemed lost in these thoughts when we arrived home. Jasper and Emmett were knee-deep in possibilities. Alice was sitting next to Jasper saying nothing keeping an eye on the future while Rosalie was holding her own. The four of them looked up at us when we walked in, but said nothing. Jasper caught my eye and nodded slightly as if in approval.

Carlisle needed to journal and be in his office. However, I wasn't ready to be parted from him. So grabbing a book, I joined him. Half a day before he needed to leave for the hospital he set aside what he had been doing, grabbed me, and situated himself behind me on his couch.

Murmuring into my ear he told me, "Esme, I need you to know that my statement about Bella being human reflected my poor attempt to distance myself from my fear. I _am_ considering her into our equations now, and especially as she almost died at Laurent's hands. But you have to understand love, I see everyday at the hospital how fragile and fleeting human life is. One wrong thing and they are broken. I am terrified to care for her like you do. It makes you by far braver than I, but that doesn't mean I won't do everything in my power to keep her safe, but even still there are limitations. It only takes one false move and she will be gone."

I mulled over what he was saying. Ultimately he was confessing that he could not become attached to her because of his fear.

"Is this the same kind of fear that stopped you from entering my life?" I asked him uncertain if I wanted the answer.

He took almost a full minute before he responded. "In a way. Edward's mother thrust him upon me. You, Rosalie, and Emmett were brought into my life suddenly. Each time I had little time to think. Mostly I acted, and then adjusted accordingly. The same was true with Alice and Jasper. Perhaps I am simply not good at allowing my heart to become attached unless circumstances give me little other options."

It would be easy to be offended by his statement, but I had a sense that he was trying to say something profound to me. Focusing my mind and heart on what he might be intending to convey I asked him, "Are you suggesting Carlisle Cullen that you only know how to love when God gives you no other option?" Even as the words came out I felt confused, but was trying to fully understand.

After deep contemplation he murmured, "I suppose I am, Esme."

Allowing that to penetrate my consciousness I told him, "In that case you have done a fine job by us, even if you believe yourself to have had little agency in those events. But you are being given a choice here, Carlisle. I beg of you, don't squander it. Don't repeat closing off your heart like you did with me. Allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to risk a connection with her."

"And if we lose her?" he questioned with so many emotions in those five words it was if they held the key to something he couldn't even name.

"Then we will grieve together," I told him assuring him.

Nuzzling his nose into my hair, he told me in great admiration, "Miss Platt you are far braver than I. No promises of the sort will pass my lips, as I am uncertain that I am up for such a task, but I will try. I do care for her," he admitted.

"More than just any human that crosses your path?" I affirmed.

His shoulders sagged, "Yes, more than that, but mostly because I am afraid of what will happen to our family if we lose her."

Sighing despondently I told him, "Well, I suppose it's a place to start."

Nothing more was said between us on the matter. His love grew slowly but was deep and abiding, while he held great care and compassion for nearly everyone he met. I trusted sparingly and held myself more apart from others, particularly humans, than Carlisle, but when I felt a connection with someone I held onto it with all my strength, and my love for others grew quickly knowing no bounds. Both ways of loving had their advantages and disadvantages.

Before Carlisle returned to work at the evening shift on Thursday, the six of us had agreed to return to Forks and on the most elemental parts of doing so. When he walked out the door I knew that he would most likely work another three to five days.

Rosalie had been the most resistant to moving back during our discussion.

Carlisle had relayed Mr. Black's assurances that they would keep to the treaty and that our offer of working together would be brought to the other tribal elders. That had, naturally, led to a conversation about the risks of returning to Forks.

"If the dogs keep their word and keep to their side of the line, I argue that it's worth the risk to move back to Forks in order to better track and dispose of Victoria and Laurent," had been Jasper's assessment.

"The Quiluetes have never broken their word," Carlisle had reminded him.

"It only takes one time to start a war," had been all Jasper said in response.

Carlisle had nodded in acknowledgement, but his shoulders had slumped in defeat of convincing Jasper once more of their nobility.

"If I'm at school with Bella I can better keep her safe there, and there are enough of us to protect her through the night," Alice had added.

"Wolves or not, Victoria needs to be eliminated and Forks is the best place to be. I'd like to get my hands on Laurent too, but with Irina pining for him ... Either way a few wolves are no match for us even if they did start a war," had been Emmett's two-cents.

"We should only use it as a staging area, and then leave once Bella is safe," Rosalie had argued.

Carlisle and I had listened as each of the others explaining to Rosalie why simply making Forks our base wouldn't be good enough and assisting her to understand how long it might take to find a nomad who doesn't want to be found. It was after the sunset and only three hour before Carlisle had to leave that she finally had relented.

"Fine!" she had yelled. "I don't like it, but I see your point. I'll go with this ridiculous plan."

This, of course, only had caused for her to ask for more of her way regarding other things.

It didn't take long after Rosalie had been persuaded that we all had agreed that the best cover story included Carlisle resigning from his position in Ithaca and returning to work at Forks General. However, that gave us less room to manoeuvre for everyone else's cover stories, since theirs had to work in regards to what the people of Forks already knew about our family.

Due to Forks begin three hours behind us, by the time Carlisle needed to go to work, he had called Forks General Medical, had talked to his old boss, and had been offered to start back at Forks General on Monday the 27th. Jasper had said that would be fine on the paperwork and electronic end. Alice had said it looked good. So, we all had agreed on that part. And we had agreed to the larger cover story. I actually liked that I was taking the blame for us moving back. No one had objected to Alice starting school after spring break. We had agreed that it would be polite to call the Denalis and explain that we were moving back to the West Coast, but we couldn't agree when to call them, so Carlisle decided we would wait until we knew the details of the plan better.

A little after Carlisle had left for work, the four kids had decided to take a break. Jasper and Alice left the house together to God knows where not letting us know when they would return, as usual. Rosalie retreated out in the garage, presumably to work through things and think, leaving Emmett sitting at the table with me.

"How you doing Emmett?" I asked him placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Wanting to get this show on the road, but I understand Jasper's need to think through all possibilities and our family's need to agree on the option we're going to take. But I'm restless. I'm a doer Esme."

Tightening my grip briefly, I affirmed, "I know, Emmett. Be patient. Your time will come."

He nodded saying nothing in return.

After a pause and loosening of my hand I asked, "How are you and Rosalie after Newfoundland?"

He looked grave. "My girl's changing, which is hard for her. She resists it at every turn, but your story did something within her. Sometimes I don't recognise her. It's good for her, but it leaves me on my toes," he admitted.

"Well, in my estimation if you can manage those early years, you can manage this. You're a smart guy, and you know Rosalie even better now."

His eyes smiled in tomfoolery.

"She needs you and the reassurance of your love, as much, if not even more now, than she did back then."

His smile grew and it matched the mischief in his eyes.

"Go comfort your girl, even if you break a few things. Just try not to take the house or garage down."

"Yes, ma'am," he promised as he went out the door towards her.

I was glad that he only needed a little bit of encouragement. If only all my children were like him.

My smile grew as I heard Rosalie get irritated with him for interrupting whatever she had been working on. Then in the gentle but persistent way that was Emmett he pulled her out of her funk. Before long their noises of being intimate could be heard. Hopefully my suggestion would help them both.

Them settled, I returned to my space, but was unable to concentrate. I couldn't help but wonder if, in a way, my heart would be safer from getting hurt, if I didn't already feel a sense of motherly protection over Bella. The problem was that, as I had told Bella, she already had a place in my heart, so it was a mute point. All day Thursday I had secretly been holding out hope that Bella would ring, but no such luck. Friday also came and went without a call.

Later on Friday the four of them had reconvened once again attempting to agree upon cover stories and details. I had joined them a little, but it really wasn't my element. Before long I had returned to my office and spent my time working on my blueprints and drawing Carlisle. I had decided, after our time in the tree on Tuesday, that I wanted to draw Carlisle of my past and the past Carlisle that I had imagined. Friday had been spent on the Carlisle of my past. It was nearly done, but was missing something. I wasn't sure what yet.

Saturday morning before the sun had risen I had started painting the past Carlisle of my imaginings. In the midst of my immersion I heard my phone ring. Looking around I determined that it was hours later than I thought it would have been. On the third chime I picked up.

"Hello," I greeted the caller.

"Hey, Esme, did I interrupt you?" Bella asked.

Smiling at the sound of her voice I told her, "Of course not darling, I was painting. Just took me a minute to wipe my hands and find my phone."

She giggled more fully than she had the last time we had spoken.

Her light heartedness pleased me. Nevertheless with concern I asked genuinely, "How are you?"

"Fine," she replied perfunctory, whatever had pleased her completely gone.

"Well that's good," I told her cordially before pausing a moment and asking, "Now really, how are you?"

She puffed out air before telling me, "Tired. I just got home from work."

"Are you enjoying it?" I asked her curious.

"Enough," she replied. "It's a good distraction from things and I like making money."

"I enjoy the work I do," I told her, "even if it doesn't come with a pay check. Carlisle has always made enough for the both of us. I am lucky that way. Although one year before Alice joined our family, I tried my hand at working at a department store. I learned a lot, but it didn't last too long."

Bella snickered. "Why, Esme, I imagined you being good at everything."

"Not by far. _That_ was not for me, although I suspect Alice would be far suited to the work than I," I told her smiling.

"I can't imagine it," she told me.

"Imagine what?" I asked.

"Alice working," she told me, her disbelief in the word working clear.

I giggled. "Don't tell her that."

"Oh, I wouldn't dare," she replied playfully. There was a short pause. She took in a deep breath before she spoke again. "So, did the family make any decisions?"

"Yes," I told her. "Carlisle gave in his two-week notice. He also talked to Forks General Hospital."

Bella let out a huge gust of air.

"Bella, are you all right?" I asked. Her sounds made it seem like she had needed to sit down.

"Yes, Esme, please continue," she stated crisply.

I waited a minute, but, as she said nothing more, carried on. "Since Forks General were sad to have him leave and had yet to fill the vacancy, they were overjoyed to have him come back. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice are still trying to figure out the rest. Most likely Alice will come with me and start back at Forks High after spring break. And with Alice, Jasper often is close behind. I was waiting to talk to you, in fact, to find out if you had a preference between me coming before Alice, or for Alice and I to come together."

"You want my preference?" she asked sounding like she was in disbelief.

"Yes, Bella," I confirmed. "I told you before; we are taking your preferences into consideration. I can't guarantee you'll get what you want. In this family everyone has to compromise," I let her know.

"Yes, I can imagine that," she told me solemnly. "I don't know Esme. It would be nice to spend some time with Alice and talk to her before school gets back, so it's not awkward."

"That sounds wise. There's also the option of you and I doing something in Seattle or Port Angeles just the two of us earlier in the week. Whatever is your preference, speak it, and I'll add it to the growing list of everyone's requests," I encouraged her.

She sounded like she was breathing quick and shallow. "This is a lot to take in Esme," she explained to me.

"I meant every word that I said, Bella. We're not perfect. We made a mistake. We want to fix it."

"Without _him?_ " she checked barely any sound existing.

"Yes. Without," I confirmed. "He has chosen to live on his own. We told him that we would be discussing things as a family in January. We have our annual family end of year/beginning of year table conference then. He declined to be included."

Suddenly Bella sounded like she was really far away.

"Are you still there?" I asked concerned.

"Yes," she answered but monotone like the life had been sucked out of her.

Her reaction worried me tremendously, but I didn't know what to say to calm her. How I wished Carlisle were here in this moment. Irrelevant of its cause or if it was right or wrong, I apologised. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I won't mention his actions and choices again." Hopefully, I had guessed correctly at what had triggered her strange behaviours.

"I shouldn't have asked," was her response, but with the same lifeless manner of speech.

"I'll know better for next time," I told her believing this as a confirmation of sorts. "I'm sorry again."

"It's fine," she told me, but she obviously wasn't fine.

"What should I tell the misfits is your request?" I asked hoping the change of topic would pull her back into her more regular self.

"Um, don't go out of your way on my account," she tried to insist, but there was no strength behind it.

"No guarantee you'll get what you ask for," I told her. "Doesn't hurt to ask, though."

"Um," she started and then paused, "well," she started again and the paused once more, "it _would_ be nice to go to Seattle. I'd like to get some books. I don't think I'm ready to be at the house."

I took her voicing her desires as a good thing, so supported it. "I like that idea. What day next week would you be free?"

"Um, I don't work Monday?" she told me reluctantly.

"Good," I stated firmly as if it was already decided. "I'll add you and me to Seattle on Monday. How would you feel about you, Alice, and I going to Seattle later on in the week, perhaps even over the weekend? You two could spend some time together, then?"

"Actually, I'm free Friday, but I'm not sure. I'll think about it. It would be great to see Alice, but I might not be ready for shopping with Alice," she admitted.

"Perhaps the grovelling could be shopping Bella style?" I offered lightly.

"That would be torture for her," she stated as if shocked I would suggest such a thing, but I could hear the smile in her voice.

Wanting to nail down the details in case she had to get off the phone soon, I switched the focus of our conversation asking her, "How might we confirm Monday?"

"What should I tell Charlie?" she wondered.

"That I didn't like Los Angeles and asked Carlisle to move the family back to Forks in part because _he_ made some poor choices. Those poor choices have resulted in us sending him to a private boarding school. At least that looks most likely, last time I paid attention. You can tell him about Alice, Carlisle, and I."

"Really, Esme?" She sounded almost mad.

"Right now that's what looks like might be best," I assured her.

"Who send their kid to a private boarding school after they make _bad_ choices? _Him_ no longer being interested in me is _not,_ " she nearly humanly snarled, "a bad choice. It makes him sound like a juvenile delinquent, which he is _not_. It's not _his_ choice that I couldn't hold his attention anymore." Her tone was seething and suddenly she seemed to be having a difficult time breathing like she had just run a marathon.

I didn't know what to say. She was defending Edward's reputation even if she was highly misinformed about why he had left. What _had_ he told her?

"Okay," I told her in a soothing tone trying to calm her. "I'll let them know you don't like that option," I assured her, "but he has to go somewhere. He won't be coming with us," I added reluctantly not wanting to upset her again.

"A relative's or a music school?" she barely said between her ragged breaths. "Anything else, Esme," she pleaded breathlessly. "I can't have him being punished on my account."

"All right," I told her. "I'll make your opinion known. You might get out voted, though. Keep in mind that although Carlisle and I have the ultimate say, we try to do what most of the family would prefer."

"Yes, I know," she said her breathing more normal, but it sounded like tears were rolling down her face. "Please take what I said into consideration."

"Of course we will. Your opinion matters, Bella," I insisted.

She was breathing better, but it still sounded laboured to me. "What time on Monday were you thinking?" she asked between breaths.

"As early as you want," I told her easily. "It's quite the drive to Seattle and we would not want to get back too late."

"How about I check with my Dad Sunday night and call you to confirm?"

"Sounds good," I agreed. "Just as a warning there is some small chance that the family will vote for me not to come that much ahead of them. So, the answer on Sunday night might be for us to reschedule for later in the week."

"Fair enough," she replied, but she sounded far away.

I waited hoping she was just thinking. After many minutes had passed I asked her gently, "Was there something else, Bella?"

"I'd like some truth again," she stated weakly a moment later, but her breathing seemed more like her normal.

"Okay," I answered hesitantly. "I'll do my best."

"Charlie just left hunting for _bears_ that some have claimed are actually _wolves_. Can he hurt them?"

"I don't really know, Bella," I answered hesitantly assuming she was talking about the Quiluete wolves and not sure what to say. "That's more a question for Carlisle. The little I know, yes, to hurt, no, to kill."

"Could Charlie get hurt?" she asked clearly anxious.

"Like I said last time my experience is that wolves generally stay away from humans, but if the humans get too close they can get hurt. Generally it's safer to stay away, but in the forest the wolves would have the advantage and could easily run away, so there's a greater chance that no one would get hurt."

"Good," she stated emphatically. "I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"Neither do we," I agreed.

Minutes had passed when she spoke again, "Esme?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Do you think it's possible that all the parts of the Quileute tales might have some truth to them?"

"I don't know their tales, Bella," I told her plainly.

"Of course. That makes sense. Well," she started and then stopped like before, "do you think it's possible," she asked and then paused, "that my friend Jake might," another pause, "turn out to," a longer pause, " _like_ wolves?"

Her inability to speak seemed new. I wondered what it was all about, but chose to just answer her question. "Well, if I remember right he is the descendent of their last chief Ephraim Black. I guess it would stand to reason, if this kind of thing was genetic that, yes, he would. Lots of odd things are passed down in our genes."

"Yes. I suppose that's true." There was a long pause. "Thanks, Esme."

"Always," I assured her even though I was unsure in how I had helped her. "Sunday night, then?" I confirmed.

"Yes, talk to you then," she agreed. "I got to go."

"Alright, dear. Take care of yourself."

She was gone before I had finished my farewell.

Closing my phone, I went downstairs to the dining room, which looked more like a military staging area than a table.

"Bella requested to spend time with me on Monday in Seattle. She tentatively agreed to a shopping trip with Alice and I on Friday. And she requested a cover story where Edward is not in trouble. She recommended that he was staying with relatives or going to a fancy music school," I reported on her behalf.

"How could you give into this ridiculous request?" Rosalie shrieked. "She's protecting his _reputation_ after the state she's in? What did he care about _her_ reputation or health or state of mind?" she snarled.

"I was equally surprise, Rosalie," I told her soothingly, "but I promised her that I would relay her requests, even though I was sure you heard me."

"We were trying not to listen," grumbled Emmett.

"Any more objections to Bella's requests?" I checked.

"Relatives are a bad idea. Too much documentation," added Jasper. "Music school, especially foreign, wouldn't be too difficult to forge."

Rosalie stood with her arm crossed. "There is no way that Edward gets out of this scot free. We're all taking a hit. Emmett and Jasper and I will be spending most of our time scouting for Victoria. Alice has to go back to high school in case Laurent comes back. Bella is a mess. No."

"I agree that Edward will have consequences," I mollified her than added, "but since we all created the half-starved, nearly dead version of Bella, I think we should seriously consider her request. I didn't understand half, well most, of her reasoning, to be honest with you Rosalie. Not to mention that much of what she said made little sense to me. She seemed to be unable to speak at times, her breathing hitched in strange ways, her heart sounded off. There are tons of things that I don't understand. However, what I can say is that the mere idea of us tarnishing Edward's reputation created a physical altercation in Bella. I am genuinely concerned that if we disregarded her request that it might be detrimental to her. Just keep that in mind whatever you all come up with. That is all I'm asking."

Putting that aside, they informed me that Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett still hadn't decided what their cover story should be or what they would be actually doing. And it seemed that her requests had complicated matters.

"Objections to me being there to take her to Seattle on Monday?" I asked looking around the room.

"Wolves, Mom," Emmett stated as if it was obvious.

"We have a treaty," I pointed out.

"We can't lose you," Jasper said in his short military command tone.

"The house is the most fortified that we own because of the modification you requested Jasper. There are shutters, and wolves can't climb trees," I pointed out.

"What about the Denalis?" Alice offered.

"Yes, that could work," Rosalie agreed.

Although I appreciated their concern that I might get harmed on my own, I found it aggravating. I was alone in a house for most of the day most days and that didn't seem to bother them, but this did.

I turned to Alice and Jasper asking them, "When would you be coming?"

"Right now it's looking like Wednesday," Jasper told me crisply, but his eyes were full of contradictory emotions.

"I'll be gone most of Monday," I pointed out. "That leaves a few hours on Sunday and then Tuesday. I appreciate all of your concern about my well-being, but it seems like a lot to ask of the Denalis to come down to keep me company when I won't be there most of that time," I pointed out. "Not to mention it would be greatly upset Carlisle if the Denalis were to get into any altercation with the wolves."

"Alice?" Jasper asked his voice without emotion.

She closed her eyes stilling. After a few moments she opened them, "Esme doesn't disappear or have interference once, but as you know things can change."

"We'll make a decision once Carlisle weighs in," I told them effectively ending the conversation.

They all nodded that they heard me.

"I'm going up to pack my belonging in case we do vote for me to leave," I let them know while heading back upstairs.

I texted Carlisle for him to call when he could.

A few hours later he rang. By then everything I would want stored was in boxes ready to be shipped.

"How are things going?" I asked upon answering.

"As well as they can be," he told me.

"I asked you to call because Bella is free to spend time with me on Monday," I told him while travelling down to the dinning room. "But Jasper and Alice predict that they won't be ready to leave until Wednesday, which would have me in Washington Sunday night, Monday, and Tuesday before their arrival."

"I don't like the sound of that," he stated.

"Alice?" I asked her.

She repeated what she had seen.

"Alice suggested calling the Denalis," Rosalie put in.

"And I pointed out how that might complicate things with the wolves," I added.

"Jasper?" Carlisle added.

"It's risky, but knowing more about Bella and things there would aid us strategically here."

"I don't like it," Emmett added, "but I won't object. I prefer having Kate or Eleazar there, but I get why we need to play nice with the wolves."

"I don't like it," Rosalie stated. "It's not worth the risk. Esme can wait till Wednesday when Jasper and Alice can go."

"It looks fine," Alice put in, "so I'm agreeable, if reluctant, to say yes."

"It has some risk, but it fits the cover story," Jasper added.

After long minutes Carlisle told us, "I'm reluctant to agree, but won't object. I think we should call the Denalis and tell them our decision to move back, but not to request their assistance. If they offer, then we can explain the stipulations that come with the treaty." After a brief pause he asked, "Alice?"

"No change," she reported.

"Rosalie?" he asked.

"Fine," she told him bitingly, "but if Esme gets even a scratch I'm tearing those dogs apart and making sure you have lasting scars."

"Fair enough," he agreed after a heavy pause. "I'll call the Denalis when I get off work."

"Thank you, love. I appreciate it," I told him. "Your faith in me and desire to protect me means a lot," I told them all.

"I love you," he told me earnestly.

"As I you," I agreed.

Once the phone disconnected I told them, "Let me know when I'm flying out."


	8. Uncomfortable Truths

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 14 Jan 17)

* * *

 **Chapter 8: Uncomfortable Truths  
**

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The rest of Saturday I spent packing. Everything that I wanted with me upon my arrival to Forks was prepared, including my paintings of Bella and of Carlisle. Arranging furniture for the Forks house wasn't a consideration, since it already had the major furniture pieces, as we had left in such a hurry, and no one had wanted the reminisces of Bella's scent from those pieces in the new place anyway.

There were choice pieces of art that I usually liked to have in all our homes, but given the risks in Forks and the likelihood of moving again in June, I decided to put all the art pieces, including the ones that were on the walls, in storage. I packed and labelled each appropriately. Alice or Rosalie would take care of ensuring that they got where they belonged.

Alice found me in the early hours of Sunday. "You leave from Newark at eight-forty in the morning and get into Seattle at noon. Rosalie is going to drive you. You'll find a car at the Sea-Tac airport upon arrival with Hertz, probably a Lincoln. Rosalie would prefer, rather than shipping your car, that you get this year's model upon your arrival."

"That's fine. Replacing my car had already been agreed in the January family meeting anyway. No reason not to do that now."

She continued as if she expected my response. "Emmett will go with you in a separate vehicle. After they drop you off, they will go to the Mercedes dealership, trade in yours and you should be able to pick up the new one in Seattle upon your arrival or Port Angeles later in the week depending on whether Seattle has the one she wants you to have in the storeroom."

"I trust you," I told Rosalie who was sitting downstairs at the dining room table.

"I'll fix it once I get there," Rosalie responded back.

"Of course, dear," I replied having no doubt that would have been the case.

Alice stilled. "You should leave here in an hour. If you do, you should be able catch Carlisle coming out of surgery. We'll vote on the cover stories and other details once Carlisle is back from the hospital and you're on the ground. Rosalie will fill you in on where we stand on the way to the airport."

"Thank you darling." Then I gave her a kiss on the cheek.

She hugged me. "I love you, Mom." Leaning into my ear, she begged me, "Be safe."

"I love you too, Alice," I told her as she pulled back.

She flittered away and I spent the last hour making sure everything was in order.

Rosalie looking scared and mad as she got into my car and drove me to the hospital while Emmett followed behind in the Jeep. Upon arriving Rosalie joined Emmett.

Anticipation along with some nervousness filled me. But I needed not worry, as I didn't have to wait long before he could be seen coming out of the hospital doors and towards me.

"This must be the worst part of our roles, Mrs. Cullen," he told me once he had slipped into the driver's seat.

"I couldn't agree more, Dr. Cullen."

"I haven't had any time with you in too long," he murmured with longing. "And we won't be in one another's company until I wrap up here. At least another ten days." Looking at me he asked with a groan, "Tell me once more why I agreed with this."

"I know," I assured him. "I miss you already."

"Please be careful," he pleaded. "I don't like that you're going to be there alone with five wolves as neighbours. Despite my appreciation of Ephraim and their kind, it makes me nervous. If this hadn't clearly been so important to you, I would have said no."

"I know that you're concerned for my well-being, love, but I trust you to take care of yourself while you are away from me at conferences and other such things. I need you to trust me. If I must, I will go into town and be near humans or scale a tree."

"Trees do love you," he agreed trying to smile but failing.

"It's only temporary," I reminded him. "Alice will be there soon and with Alice comes Jasper."

My words seemed to have done their intended job as he nodded and steeled himself. When he was ready he asked, "Any final thoughts?"

"Not that I know of," I told him.

He leaned over and brought me into his arms. "I don't like you that far away without company," he whispered into my ear his fear clear.

"I know, but I need to go," I whispered back to him. "When Bella's well-being is taken into account, it is the best option overall," I reminded him.

"I know. I agreed to it. I don't have to like it," he grumbled into my ear pulling me into himself tighter.

I smirked holding him equally as tightly. "No you don't."

Kissing him ravishing, he replied in kind.

"Come to me soon, my love," I told him as our lips separated.

"Soon, Miss Platt," he promised.

"I love you."

"And I you," he told me earnestly his hands resting on my cheeks gazing into my eyes deeply. "Be safe," he said as he withdrew his hands and prepared himself for our separation.

"Always."

With that he opened the door and walked back into the hospital not once glancing in my direction.

Watching Carlisle's retreating form, I could see that he was tense forcing himself to move forward. Was this what he looked like when he had left me behind when I was human? Had he simply decided the most honourable action, squared his shoulders, and moved forward? Perhaps this is where he did have faith back then. He had trusted that his God would take care of the world while he did what he thought was right. Given what he had shared regarding his ignorance regarding love and how little he believed he deserved, perhaps this was a more accurate account of my husband than what my hurt had conjured.

Truth or not, the image helped soothe the slight irritations that had remained after our talk in the tree. Not to mention that I could not deny that this was the part of Carlisle that I admired so much. He would do the right thing irrelevant of the cost to him. And, if I was honest, I found it appealing. It would be a long week before we were once more joined together.

Returning to the car and manoeuvring it away from the hospital, Rosalie took one look at me and grabbed my hand. "You're tough, Mom. You'll be fine." I had to wonder who she was trying to convince: herself or me.

"Thank you for the encouragement, Rose. I'm certain you're right. It's just hard," I admitted struggling to put on the brave face I usually wore not wanting to add to her worries.

"I wouldn't trade places with you, that's for sure," she mused.

"Drive and fill me in," I asked of her needing a distraction.

"Yes, ma'am," Rosalie replied with a wicked smile and gunned it to the airport.

On the way Rosalie described every option and possibility that they had come up with. Their primary assumption was that Laurent was being honest that Victoria was looking for revenge, and that both Laurent and Victoria were risks to Bella and ourselves. They had also assumed that based on Victoria's behaviour the last time we encountered her that she would be unwilling to come at us directly. How she might have been in contact with Laurent was an unsolved puzzle, but they had assumed that she was gathering information waiting for an opening that require her to risk little, which made sense, based on what we knew of her. How she believed that she could act against us with Edward on her trail was another mystery.

Even though they had reluctantly agreed with my request to go to Forks earlier than them, since none of them liked the idea of me being in Forks alone, Alice and Jasper were trying to get out to Forks earlier than Wednesday. Their lack of faith in my capacity to keep myself safe was slightly condescending, but I didn't let it show to Rosalie.

Rosalie went on to explain how she and Emmett were planning on staying in Ithaca with Carlisle to close out the house and to finalize shutting everything down. As per our normal procedures she went through every detail of what that would entail. I added little thing to do before leaving the property, and told her I had no objections to what she had shared, in fact I liked them staying to protect Carlisle. The irony of that thought, especially since he had been alone for almost three hundred years, was not lost on me, and I allowed my frustration with my family's hesitancy for me to be alone go.

"There are some moving aspects that Jasper, Emmett, and I are still trying to agree upon, mostly to do with cover stories," she explained. "I figure that we would say that Emmett and I were travelling. As long as we're not seen in Forks or Port Angeles, we should be fine, but Emmett is concerned that if Victoria went into those areas we'd need to follow her, so doesn't like it. Neither does Jasper."

"What about the one where we said that you just got back from Asia, but as the semester hasn't started yet are hanging out at home till school start in September?"

"Emmett doesn't like the idea of looking like we're just living off mom and dad doing nothing. He thought about pretending we returned because of some injury, but that has its own problems."

"You'll find one you all can agree to," I substantiated.

"Jasper's is also a problem. He can't switch his classes to online, as it's too late in the semester. He can just withdraw, but he dislikes the idea for his own reasons. Though, Jasper cares a lot less about appearance than Emmett, except to keep the Volturi off our backs. I suspect it's a matter of pride. We need to ask Carlisle if there's some illness that Emmett or I could have caught in Asia to bring us home early. And we need something different for Jasper. I offered a few sickness options I knew from the last time I went to medical school, but they didn't like any of those ones."

"Can't win them all, Rosalie," I told her attempting to be comforting.

"No," she agreed clearly irritated. After a moment's pause she confided in me, "I don't like you there by yourself."

"You're not the only one," I told her grimly remembering my thoughts about not wanting Carlisle to be alone.

"I don't know how Carlisle has the strength to let you go."

"Hope, faith, and love" was my easy reply given my thoughts as I had watched him walk away from me.

"Huh?" Rosalie asked clearly confused by my answer.

"He has hope that everything will be fine, faith in my capacities, and loves me for my courage."

"Huh."

"What about you, Rosalie?" I asked.

"Scared something will happen to one of us. Mad at Edward. Upset at myself. Irritated that we're upheaving ourselves again," she stated after a moment's pause as if she were giving a lecture.

"Why are you upset at yourself?" I enquired.

"That I couldn't see things from Bella's perspective and voted with Edward because of my own fears. I was so afraid of something happening to us that I thought we'd be better off further away, but instead it made a bigger mess and things are even more dangerous."

"Generally running away doesn't help," I reminded her.

"Well Edward's going to be in a world of surprises when he stops running," she mused.

"Yes," I agreed sadly. "We will help him like we've helped each other, but he will have a long hard road ahead of him."

"How long to do think it'll take before he comes back?" she asked subdued.

"I couldn't say. Last time he was gone for years. Alice thought he wouldn't last more than six weeks and we're going on six months. Who knows? He's just as stubborn as you, if not more so. How long would you give him?"

She pondered. "End of this year at most. I think the idea of Bella going off to college and leaving Forks without him will be too much for him, but what do I know?"

"We all know nothing. We see in part and we know in part."

Then her voice got quiet. "I'm also upset at myself that I acted presumptuously like Alice and Edward. It's hard Mom. In one way, I have decades of experience and have wisdom that she couldn't possibly have. But then I try to put myself in her shoes. I think of myself at her age, certain I had it all figured out and confident on my chosen path. If someone had come and taken away my choices acting like my decisions were bad, even though they were, I probably would have been furious and fought it every inch of the way. I had been over at Vera's even though my mother heavily disapproved of her and who she had married. My mother thought Vera was below my station, and maybe she was, but she also was my only friend who was not jealous. She was truly happy that I was happy, and I treasured that."

Nodding in understanding, "That's true, Rose. It's part of the age. If I could wish for anything for Bella, it would be that she would be given the chance to mature a little. Irrelevant if she changed her mind or still wanted to be one of us, at least some years, I believe, would allow her to choose with more wisdom."

Pondering my words she asked, "I'm stuck at that age, too, aren't I? Stubbornly sure of my thoughts and ways."

Smiling encouragingly at her, I told her honestly, "Perhaps in your early years, but you have loosened up some since then."

Her lips pursed, "Perhaps, but not enough. Your story told me that I was being as much stubborn and insistent in my ways as Alice and Edward. At least I wasn't manipulative like them."

Smiling gently as I pressed her, "That's true, but Rose, you tend to pout and do other things to try to get your way."

"Yeah, that's true," she grumbled. Her face softened. "It's one of the things I love about Emmett. He has such a gentle temperament. He doesn't push or demand. He's not certain his ways are right. He sees things as they are, is quick to adjust, and then wants to act."

"Emmett is truly a blessing to our family," I agreed.

"Thanks for talking some sense into him, mom," she said quietly.

"You're welcome. Fortunately, he is usually the best at listening to advice," I deadpanned.

She smiled and then bristled. After a few moments, it was clear that she wanted to move on to other things. When she was ready she asked me, "What have you been painting, if you don't mind sharing?"

Respecting her need to change the topic I told her, "I'm not ready for them to be seen yet, but I added Bella as I remember her before we left Forks, and then what I imagined she will look if she were to be turned. I'm now working on the Carlisle from my human past, and the past Carlisle that I imagined."

"Do you still have your human memories of him?" she questioned her curiosity apparent.

"They're not super clear, but yes."

"Emmett has his of me," she murmured. She seemed lost in thought for a while and then suddenly asked, "Do you really think Bella will choose this life if Edward were out of the picture?"

"I don't know, Rose," I answered after a moment's thought. "I just couldn't say. I don't know Bella in that way, honestly. This is part of why I'm going. I want to have more answers, so we can make better decisions."

"Well, if there's anyone to do the job of an ambassador, it would be you," she told me her conviction clear.

"I think you have me confused with Carlisle," I teased.

"No, Carlisle is a diplomat. You are an ambassador," she informed me with a smile on her lips.

"Thank you, Rosalie. That's a very sweet complement."

We sat in companionable silence for a while.

Finally, I broke it. "Rose, can I offer you some advice?"

"What, Mom?" she asked defensively.

"Find a way to forgive yourself. Whether human or vampire, at every juncture you have chosen what you knew to be the best at the time. You've had to learn some difficult lessons along the way, but don't hold it against yourself. You did not fail. You are not a failure. You are simply, like the rest of us, learning as we go. Some of our lessons are bitter and hard to swallow, but often those will transform us into something greater than we were before."

She frowned and assured me, "I'll try, Mom."

"I know you will my sweet girl. That's all I ask."

We were nearing the airport, so we covered the last things. I got out with my bags, hugged Rosalie and Emmett goodbye, thanked them both for bringing me, thanked Rosalie for sorting out my car, and headed into the building to check in.

This would be the first time, since I ran away from Charles, that I had lived on my own. Even if it was for a few days, I imagined myself the woman I was in my tale. If she could manage life pregnant and poor, I could manage a few days with my family only a phone call away. Jasper and Alice planned to be there no later than Wednesday after all. Despite the silliness of doing so, I was apprehensive. The newness of my situation alone was enough to cause me to be uneasy. At the same time, that same newness was exhilarating. I hadn't felt so alive in a long time. As the plane rose into the air I thanked the clouds for Bella and all that she was teaching me.

Just like Alice had predicted, I landed a little after two into Seattle. My arrival was greeted with a text from Rosalie telling me that my new car would not be ready. I paid for a porter to load my bags into the rental and drove to Forks. I had texted them all letting them know that I had arrived safely, even though Alice would have been watching me.

Carlisle informed me that he probably would be working until Tuesday, but would call when he could.

Arriving at the house was strange. I parked the rental car in the garage, but the echo closing my car door created due to the absence of any other vehicle was disconcerting. Even though it was quick work to remove all the sheets and clean the house, the house felt like a stranger. Without the family, it was just a house, even though I was fairly pleased on how the design of the property had turned out. As an added precaution, I brought the shutters down blocking my view of the surrounding trees that I loved so much. I was unpacking my belongings and situating my office space when my phone rang.

"Hello," I answered.

"Good evening, Esme," Bella greeted me.

"Well, aren't you formal today," I told her playfully.

"Yeah, well," she muttered sounding embarrassed. Collecting herself she continued, "I talked to my Dad and he said tomorrow was fine. Where are you?"

"The family acquiesced to my request and I am in our Forks home," I told her.

Breathless she replied, "Oh, that's good."

Unsure of why my answer had caused her response I decided to let it be and focus on making our arrangements for tomorrow. "When shall I pick you up?"

"I was thinking you could pick me up between eight and nine in the morning," she told me.

"Could you give me a precise time?" I requested. "I don't have Alice helping me out."

"Eight-thirty?" she offered.

"Sounds good to me," I let her know. "Do you want me to pick up breakfast on the way?" I asked.

"No, I'll eat something before you get here," she told me.

"Do I need to pack anything for you for the trip?" I checked.

"Um, no, thank you. I'll bring some water. I should be good."

"All right," I agreed reluctantly. "In that case, I'll see you at eight-thirty at your house," I confirmed.

"Sounds good, Esme. Thanks again."

"You're welcome. Sweet dreams when you go to sleep. See you in the morning."

After she hung up I continued setting things up in the house. Fortunately, Carlisle was able to ring later that night. I told him everything about my day. Before I could really get to the end, he was needed. I decided for old-time's sake to write him a letter. So, I sat down and penned to him what it was like to be in the Forks house alone, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my paintings, and what I had learned since my imagining; how I believed the events to have gone since then, especially how our time in Newfoundland had changed me; how I thought he was changing; and how our family was changing. I had filled so many pages it was nearly a book.

I grabbed it with the intention of asking Bella if she would mind if we stopped and mailed it along the way to Seattle.

It was eight twenty-nine according to my phone when I pulled up to Bella's home. There was only her truck and I wondered if Charlie had already gone to work.

When she opened the door she actually looked even worse than my painting of her. Giving her a hug I held my breath. As she moved to leave I breathed her in a little, comparing my memory of her old scent with this new one, as I was certain Carlisle would ask me about it, allowed her presence to surround me, accepting the burn in the back of my throat for doing so, and asked if she had everything she needed. She said that she did and we then both entered the car.

Right before opening the driver's door, I took in a deep breath and held it. It was slightly uncomfortable, but with us in a closed small space and it being so long since I had spent such close proximity around her, I didn't want to take any chances. At first, we rode in silence. I didn't want to push her and she kept watching me out of the corner of her eye as if she was afraid that if she closed her eyes I would disappear. It seemed to confirm Rosalie's hypothesis that she had been struggling to believe that we had existed in her life. Assuming Rosalie's hypothesis was correct, her fear would be reasonable. I just didn't know how to help her see that her fear was unfounded.

Bella broke the silence when we were more than half way to Seattle. "Why don't you drive fast?"

Smiling slightly as her question reminded me of driving with Rosalie or Edward I told her, "Number of reasons: one, I don't want a ticket; two, I'm not as much as a speed junkie as the kids; three, I want you to be comfortable and this seemed like a speed that would be amicable to you."

"Oh."

Delicately I tried to broach her acting as if I would disappear at any moment. "You, know, Bella. I really am here."

"I'm having a hard time believing it," she admitted, confirming in these words Rosalie's hypothesis.

After some thought of how to help her overcome this I told her, "I can tell. Here," I said as I offered my hand.

"That's not weird for you?" she checked as she put her hand in mine.

"You're warmer than I, so it's a little different from when I hold Alice's hand or Carlisle's hand, but no, it's not weird. If this is what you need to help you know, for sure, that you can't get rid of me, then I am glad to do it."

"I would never want to get rid of you," she told me fervently.

"Good, because I hope you'll stick around."

She smiled sadly.

We went back into silence for a while.

Slowly taking in some air through my nose filling my lungs once more my throat's fire intensified, but I felt firmly in control of myself, so this time I broke our silence. "Did you know where you wanted to go shopping?"

"Well, I found three shops online that sounded good. The first was Elliott Bay Book Company, the other was Queen Anne Books, and the third was Third Place Books. They all have a selection of used and new books."

"Well, if you're anything like Carlisle, we might not make it out of the first one."

She giggled. "I suppose we might not."

"Perhaps they'll have a café so I can make sure that I can feed you?" I looked over to her sideways. "I'm worried about you, Bella. You look like you've lost too much weight since I last saw you."

Blushing she appeared embarrassed. "I've been forgetting to eat or I've been too upset to hold anything down. I'm not purposefully trying to lose weight or anything," she defended herself.

"I figured it was something like that, but since I show love by fussing, I'm going to make sure that you eat every three hours, and drink lots of liquids," I told her proud that I knew this.

"When did you learn about that Esme?" she asked her tone light and teasing.

"I might have asked Carlisle about how to take care of you today," I admitted bashfully.

She smiled widely. "Well, he would know." Her voice seemed pleased to talk about him. "How is he?" She seemed to be genuinely asking.

My face scrunched up while I tried to think of how to describe how my husband was doing. "Do you want a polite answer?" I asked deciding to let her decide.

She frowned and her face scrunched up like the question confused her. After many long minutes she answered, "No, Esme, I think I'd rather the truth." But there was no strength in her words like she was afraid of what she was asking for.

Eying her speculatively, I tried to figure out if she was assessing herself accurately. Eventually I decided to be honest and then see how she handled it. "Truth is that he has been struggling, but things are getting better."

Her body tensed. "I'm sorry, Esme, I shouldn't have asked that. He's your husband, and that's probably private."

"Yes, it is private, but I offered." I spoke earnestly, "Ask any question you want. I promise if I'm not comfortable answering, I'll let you know."

She seemed to relax some, then proclaim, "Deal."

"Are you sure you want to hear more?" I prodded.

Bringing down my window a few centimetres, I moved my face towards the fresh air and inhaled deeply. Looking over to Bella, she appeared to be watching me empathetically. Smiling timidly at her I closed the window, and then looked at her in expectation of an answer.

Her facial expression changed; my lack of Carlisle's level of control forgotten. She looked at me seriously and intently. "Yes," she finally answered after a few minutes.

"See, Carlisle has always had an amazing ability for great empathy, much like you have at times. Carlisle often, without intention, can see the world from another's perspective. It is how he finds a way forward for us all when we're in conflict. He will see each individual's perspective and finds a way that incorporates something of what everyone else sees as well as his own. He is, in large part, why we all have been able to live together with little conflict all these years with moving and making many changes.

"He failed to be able to do that at the discussion that transpired after your birthday. He could not see my perspective, which was of a young sixteen-year-old that had become infatuation with her doctor and had hoped every day that he would come and sweep her off her feet. His failing, is in part due to my failing.

"In the beginning of our relationship, when I should have laid all my cards on the table and told him of how much he had impacted me, I didn't. I didn't because I was no longer that young girl. I didn't because I was then with him and it seemed unimportant. But mostly I didn't because I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to put him leaving me, as he continued on with his life, behind me and move past how much he had hurt me. Also, I ended up suffering because of his leaving me behind, and I didn't want him to feel as if my past was his fault.

"We were at an impasse. I was frozen with uncertainty, unable to speak my truth after all these years had gone by. He was frozen in a mindset that he believed in fervently. In early December, I daydreamed an alternative possibility where he did stay in my life. When I opened my eyes and realised that I was once again in Ithaca I required him to take a sabbatical and we went away to a place we have in Newfoundland. We spent two months talking and working on our marriage, with a brief visit from Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett Christmas Eve to about a week after New Year's Day.

"We were honest with each other and spoke to one another about things that we should have been worked on decades ago. We both, but especially me, feel that our family has paid a heavy price for our failures, but none more so than you." I looked at her. "Words are not enough to express how entirely sorry I am."

Out of air I brought the window down again and took in another deep breath. Her scent was mixed in and my throat burned, but I perceived myself to be in control, and closed the window once more.

She looked contemplative and sad. "Honestly, Esme, I don't understand. I can't see how this is your fault."

I tried to consider how things might look from her perspective and where the confusion lay. "I'm uncertain how you see our family and our dynamics. Perhaps I am assuming Edward explained things about us that he didn't." I paused trying to order my thoughts.

I watched her breathing stop, her right hand move to her heart at the mention of 'Edward,' and deep pain flash across her features. It was almost as if her movement was involuntary. Her breathing also stopped for a few seconds, but fortunately she started up again. Although it concerned me, I had no idea what all that meant. I would mention it to Carlisle the next time I spoke to him. Hopefully he would have some answers.

"In general, we make all decisions about where we live together," I continued watching her carefully. Concerned, I remembered that in our phone conversation she had referred to Edward in the third person. So I altered what I was going to say to reflect that. "So, that night after returning you to your home, we had a discussion, upon _his_ request, that we move. He voiced your opinions on the matter on your behalf, which not unusual for us, if a person in a pair can't be there, although it doesn't happen very often."

I watched her respond in nearly the exact same way with the mention of 'his' and then 'he', as she had with his name, so I decided to change how I would explain.

"At any time when we live somewhere someone can ask for us to relocate. Generally, no one does and we only move if suspicions that we need to avoid are raised, or if our time in a space is drawing near. Rosalie is usually the most resistant to moving. Emmett, generally, doesn't care where we live, but prefers if we live near to bears. Jasper cares about the level of risk associated with a new location. Alice wants shopping nearby. Carlisle needs a place to work. I generally don't have a preference.

"There are also times in when the couples might ask to live apart from us. That is also discussed, and although we've never voted against it, and we couldn't stop them, we try to do so as a group and put in place safety measures for them and for those that remain. With me thus far?" I looked over at Bella. It seemed as long as I avoided talking about Edward directly she had no adverse effect.

She nodded at me.

Needing air once more I repeated my taking it from a crack in the window. Then I continued, "On that night, we all voted. For the first time in the history of our marriage Carlisle and I voted against each other."

Her mouth opened a little in surprise, but otherwise she seemed fine so far.

"You already know the result of the vote. But Carlisle and I not being on the same page had a great impact on us as a couple, and, therefore, on us as a family. And the truth is, that without my failings Carlisle would have been able to see my perspective and things probably would have turned out different, in the 'us moving as a family' part. I feel certain that Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and I would have stayed if I had done things differently."

Her eyes looked calculating.

We sat in silence while I allowed her brain to work out what she needed to.

Eventually she asked hesitantly, "So you're apologizing for the family agreeing to move?"

"It was, and still is my opinion, that we should have stayed."

She spoke slowly as if measuring each word. "So, if the family had voted to stay, what would have happened?"

I glanced over to her.

She looked like she was preparing to be beaten.

"Are you sure you want to know the answer to this, Bella? We have time."

"No, I need to know." She was emphatic.

"My opinion, because I cannot know for certain, you understand?"

She nodded and tensed even more.

"I believe that he would have run away. That's what Edward does when things are too much for him. He runs. And he's the fastest of us all. We would never catch him if he didn't want to be caught."

She looked like a deer when it if first became of my proximity and was about to bolt.

Pulling the car over I took a deep cleansing breath as I stepped out of the car, walked around to her side of the car, opened the door, but she was still frozen in place. Slowly I unbuckled her, pulled her towards me out of the car, and wrapped my arms around her drawing her in. She started crying, then sobbing, then wailing. I could feel her hands tighten around my shirt and her tears soaking it. I just held her close and rocked her holding my breath as a precaution.

When her sobs were replaced with light whimperings I ran my right hand from the crown of her head down to the ends of her hair over and over again. It didn't take too long before I felt her pulling back slightly.

Letting her go enough that I could see her face I asked softly, "Are you okay?"

Her face appeared pained and if I didn't know any better she had the look of someone who was too tired to continue fighting. "No, Esme, I really am not," she spoke quietly.

Softening my gaze at her I imagined she was Jasper who could feel my love, affection, and motherly desires to care for her. "Thank you for having the courage to being honest with me," I told her with deep appreciation.

She smiled grimly but seemed to relax the smallest bit. She bit her lower lip obviously lost in thought.

Waiting I considered how I could help her see that she had limitless options and that romantic love, as wonderful as it was, and as powerful as it could be, would never be and could never be everything.

She moved her lips so very softly uttering, "Thank you for telling me the truth. It might not seem like it but it helped."

Eying her once more I confirmed, "Are you sure?"

She smiled a small bit and met my gaze. "Truly, Esme. I've cried so much, too much since your family left, but for the first time it doesn't feel as oppressive."

"I am glad, then. I only want to see you grow stronger, healthier, and develop into the amazing woman you are meant to be." Pausing my tone grew heavy with sorrow. "I can't imagine what my failings have put you through. I was so angry at Carlisle for never coming back for me. You are bound to be angry with me, and that's all right, that's natural. You're entitled to your anger, as I am mine. I only wish that I had been strong enough to refuse the family's decision and stay, but I wasn't. It's not my way, Bella. I am not a fighter and I don't like conflict. I'm trying to learn that not all conflict is bad and some is even healthy. Carlisle and I fought just last week when I finally admitted how angry with him I was for his choice to leave me behind when I was 16. I even snarled at him."

She looked at me her eyes large and she covered her open mouth. "You didn't!" she argued then shook her head. "I can't even imagine you doing so."

My lips in a thin line I repeated, "I did, Bella. You might be able to grasp, like no one else can, how hurt I was by Carlisle's leaving, but you need to also understand that under the hurt I was angry. The force of it was foreign to me, that all these years I didn't even know I was carrying it with me. Jasper told me that he had never felt emotion from me like when it boiled up from within me, and he also told me that if I didn't deal with it, that it would consume me and change me into someone I wouldn't want to be.

"Thus, when Carlisle said some misplaced words I snarled at him, and, in full truth, my reaction scared him, which scared me. I didn't want to hurt him, not really. What I did want, I think, was for him to fully comprehend the totality of the cost I paid for him leaving." Pausing I allowed her time to process my words before I continued. "More than anything, maybe even more than my guilt of leaving, or sorrow for causing you harm, I cannot, with good conscience, allow what was done to me to be done to you. Yet, there was a chance that you and I were different, that I had imagined our similarities, and that my son had been right regarding you being better off without us. Unfortunately, though, with you here now, I can see that my greatest fears have been realized."

Tears poured down her face, but there was the glimmer of a brightness, almost a joy, that hadn't been there before.

"My imagining, in a way, gave me the fullness of my feelings back that the burning and my newborn years had taken. It allowed me to see Carlisle in a way that I hadn't before. He has apologised sincerely and is trying to change, something that is very difficult for us vampires to do. Sure, we can adjust to new surroundings or technologies, but change, truly change, that is something that takes a miracle and my husband, God bless him, is not only willing, but also working so very hard to be a better man. Neither his apologies nor his efforts can take away the hurt or the pain, but it has soothed me some, because both combined tell me that he is, firstly repentant, and secondly that he fully and completely loves me. Consequently, despite all the challenges and my snarls, it all actually has helped heal us both."

She looked hopeful for the first time and having a spark of life that wasn't there before.

We stayed like that until she shifted.

"Esme?" she asked reservedly. "Do you think such a thing is possible for me?"

"I liked to hope so, and for me there is evidence that it's possible."

She smiled cautiously.

"But," I told her pausing so she would hear me and the creases in her forehead increased as I did so, "others might disagree with me. In the end, it's not up to me; it's not even up to you. Ultimately, change is always up to the person making the changing. So, I could never say for sure, but I choose to hope."

She nodded sadly.

When her body seemed to have regulated itself to the sounds in which I was more accustomed, I pulled back even further looking at her. "Better?"

"Actually, yes, Esme." She rubbed her chest with her hand, her face set in a grimace.

Hopefully my words had been healing in some way.

"Ready for me to drive again?" I enquired.

She smiled a little. "Yes."

Walking around to the driver's side once more I took a deep breath, got back into the car, and manoeuvred back onto the highway. "Enough of that for now. Tell me about school."

She frowned and folded into herself.

That was odd; I thought she had always liked school.

"Truth?" she hedged in barely a whisper.

"That would be my preference," I told her sincerely confused by her response.

She looked at my wearily as if her words might hurt me.

"It's okay," I assured her. "I'm fairly durable, remember?"

She smiled a little. "Truthfully, I don't know. I have little memory after my birthday until the beginning of January; about the time your letter arrived, ironically. I seem to be passing my classes, so I guess I wasn't too much out of it. But by the time I came out of whatever haze I had been in, I had been left pretty much was left alone. So, school is blah. I do it as a distraction from the pain and because I didn't want to let Charlie down. Same as work, before you ask. The only thing that hadn't been that way is Jake."

Her assessment had been right. The words were painful, because they made what I had wished wasn't true reality. I wanted for her to know that it was okay to talk about this with me, that although it hurt, I didn't want her to avoid it. Talking is what Carlisle and Jasper said she needed, and her improvement was my priority.

"How are things with Jake?" I asked keeping my tone casual with a hint of my motherly quality coming through.

"Better once I figured out that he had been avoiding me because he turned into a werewolf."

My eyes shot over to her. She seemed fine with that knowledge, relieved actually.

"How did he take you finding out?" I asked carefully minding my tone and my facial features.

"Better than I thought he would. Evidently not talking to me had been eating him up inside, but he had been forced into silence by his Alpha, Sam. So now that that I'm in the know, I'm allowed back over at La Push. I even got to hang out with the gang yesterday. It was fun."

"I'm glad to hear you had a good time," I told her as I found myself struggling with knowing that she was talking about hanging out with young shapeshifters all day. But I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. "Was it just you and the guys?"

"Uh, no. Emily was there too, she's Sam's im–girlfriend."

Whatever she was hiding, it wasn't my place to press for it. "Just be safe," I implored her. "I worry. Guys, even my own, tend to get boisterous and forget their own strength sometimes. I wouldn't want to see you hurt."

"Okay," she stretched out the word, "Esme," and added a reluctant petulant child tone to my name. "I'll be careful."

"Accidents happen, that's all, Bella, and I wouldn't want you to be on the receiving end," I reiterated.

She winced slightly. "Yeah, okay. I'll be careful," she told me more easily this time.

I patted her hand. "Good girl."

Seeing that neither her life nor mine was going to be light conversation, I took in another window cracked breath and decided to change the topic again. "So, what are you desiring at the bookstore? Anything in particular?"

She smiled broadly at my words before telling me, "No not really. I should warn you, I kind of get lost in my own world in a book store."

Smiling at memories of Carlisle and I in bookstores I told her, "Oh, Carlisle is the same." After a moment's pause I changed the topic again, "We're coming near to Seattle, and it is almost three hours since you last ate, so what do you want?"

She looked at me irritatingly.

"Doesn't have to be big," I told her motherly, "just some fruit or a yogurt?"

"Yeah, maybe," she conceded.

"Well, I need to fill up the car, so how about you run into the shop and find a little something."

"Sure, sure," she grumbled.

I smiled. "So about those books?" I asked changing the topic back again.

She smiled back.

At the filling station, she got a snack bar, while I got gas. The scent of the petroleum was heavy and blanketed everything else, which although not as good as forest air, was appreciated.

Bella spent the rest of the journey talking about books.

Once we were parked and in the store, she left to search the stacks. I went to the cooking section and then to the architecture section making sure to stay close enough that I could see her, but far enough away that I wasn't crowding her. At three o'clock I made myself known to her carrying some of the books I had found.

"Rest time," I teased grinning.

She groaned. "Fine," but I could see the sides of her mouth wanting to curl upwards.

It was a small café with limited option, but she chose a little pastry and a hot chocolate. I got a little pastry myself.

"Find anything interesting, Esme?" she asked after she had taken a bite.

"I did. I found some books I don't have on architecture designs and layouts, as well as some on cooking. You?"

"Yes," she answered despite not having anything in her hand.

"Nothing worth taking home?" I challenged slightly not understanding her reactions.

"I haven't decided," she explained.

"I understand," I told her reassuringly.

She stared out at the bookstore seemingly enjoying her drink. "Did you ever study architecture, Esme?" she asked out of the blue.

"Once, yes. Alice convinced me, in fact."

Bella's eyes twinkled. "Yes, I can imagine that. Did you like it?"

I pondered. "Some. It was interesting to hear and to learn about some of the teacher's ideas and what's in the field, and I suppose I did learn some things, but it wasn't as exciting as I imagined it would be."

She looked puzzled. "How so?"

"Well, I've loved old buildings since I was young. When I was sixteen, in fact, Carlisle had brought to my hospital bed a book on history, which included buildings. I loved it, but my parents would have never agreed for me to do more studies after high school. I suppose I was lucky that I got to finish that at least. Where I grew up girls' options were restricted, and studying buildings wasn't a possibility. But that didn't stop me dreaming of being able to study it one day. Maybe I had built it up too much in my mind, because as much as I did enjoy it, it didn't meet my expectation. Nevertheless, I was glad for the experience."

She paused considering. "I suppose a lot is different here than from where you came from."

"Yes, a lot," I agreed. Things had changed a lot in the hundred years since I was her age.

"Maybe one day you could tell me more about that." She smiled at me.

"I'd like that," I let her know. "No one has ever asked that of me before."

She frowned. "I suppose not. Why would they? Do you suppose you could ever tell me of that alternative tale you mentioned?"

"I would be glad to share it with you. Last time, though, when I told it to the kids, the telling took four days."

She looked stunned. "Four days?" she asked in disbelief. "Wow. Man, that would take us like two weeks."

I smiled a little. "Yes, perhaps that long." I pondered. "I could cut out some things. I was quite detailed when I told it to them all."

She shook her head frowning. "Oh, no. I'd want all those details as well."

"Well, then." I grinned at her.

I switched plates so mine was empty and she could eat my pastry.

"Thanks, Esme," she suddenly said softly.

"Whatever for?" I asked confused.

"For everything. For being honest, for not treating me like I'm made of glass, for sharing so much of yourself, for taking me to a bookstore."

I smiled at her wondering why she felt she needed to thank for such basic things.

"You're welcome, Bella. I'd love to do more of this. You're great company."

She finished her drink and the second pastry in silence. Upon finishing she stood up, cleared the table, and turned to me. "I am going to go back to look some more."

"Sounds lovely, dear. I will as well. We shouldn't stay terribly longer, though. I don't want your father to be displeased at the hour in which I return you."

"An hour, then?" she bargained.

"Will eight be too late for him?" I checked.

"No, but I should call him after six and let him know. Before ten should be fine. It's Spring Break after all, and my shift doesn't begin until two."

"In that case, come find me in an hour. I'm going to look in the reserved book section to see if I can find a gift for Carlisle."

"Okay. I'll meet you over there," she agreed easily.

Nodding in agreement I headed off. Thus far, for most of our time, she had stayed in classical fiction, so I knew I could keep an eye and ear out for her. Unfortunately, she didn't return to the classics and I had to follow her. I found her in an area about Native American tribes and myths. I found a section nearby to peruse. When I heard her getting up, I made my way as quickly as humanly possible over to the rare book section.

"Find anything?" she greeted me.

"There are some fine books here, but the ones Carlisle does not have I would judge not to be of his liking."

"Oh well," she concluded.

"Indeed. Find anything?" I asked her.

"Yes." She held up three books.

"Is that all?" I pressed her.

Blood pinkened her cheeks.

I looked at her sternly. "Bella, this is my treat. Surely, you didn't come all this way for three measly books. Take every book in the store if you want."

She looked at her shoes. "I have my own money."

"I know," I affirmed. "You're a working girl. And that money is meant for your future. Please, Bella. Let me spoil you a little. You know Alice would have spent more on one dress than you will manage today."

She looked up at me mischievously. "That's true."

"Without a shadow of a doubt." I paused before I added, "I grew up a farmer's daughter, Bella. So, I understand your hesitancy some. I married into the Cullens. It was hard for me in the beginning. Just try to pretend the price doesn't exist and take what you want."

She huffed under her breath.

I took my books out of my basket and handed it to her. "Here. Try to fill it."

She raised her eyebrow at me.

"I said try. You don't have to succeed."

She chuckled. "Fine, I will try," she grumbled.

"That's all I'm asking."

In order to stay near her I went to the section about fishing remembering that her father appreciated that pastime and found a book on local fish and how to catch them. Then I went to the cooking section again and found a book on cooking fish. Pleased with my finds I went back to Bella.

"How are you managing?" I asked her.

"This is tougher than you make it sound," she told me disgruntled.

I touched her left shoulder. "I know it is. You're doing fine."

In fact, she had eight books.

She huffed, but went back to scanning the shelves.

I went down the aisle a little and when I found something I thought she might like I would hold it up and offer it to her. By six o'clock she had filled the basket two-thirds of the way, and we needed to head home. She carried my five books and I carried her basket. It didn't take long for our books to be rung up.

As soon as I stepped outside I caught the scent of another vampire on the wind, and placed my arm in front of her to stop her progress. We were blocking the entrance.

"Let's go back inside, Bella, please," I pleaded with her. "I need to call Alice."

Her eyes were big, but she didn't say anything, simply followed my orders.

* * *

 _A/N: Even though it's taken me an age to respond, please know that your thoughts and comments brightened my days._


	9. Complications

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 15 Jan 18)

* * *

 **Chapter 9: Complications  
**

* * *

Alice picked up her phone before it had the chance to ring. "Leave to go to the car in 16.5 minutes," she instructed without preamble. "Don't stop, and keep an eye out. I'll call if something comes up."

"All right, Alice. Thank you." In any other situation, her abruptness might have been rude. At that present moment, I couldn't have been more grateful.

"Of course," she said and then hung up almost as if my gratitude irritated her.

Taking a deep breath, I tested everything that entered my mouth and lungs ensuring it contained nothing hinting of vampire while my mind calculated the best way to keep Bella safe even with Alice's assistance.

"I think it would be best, Bella, if you used the facilities here so we don't have to stop along the way. It seems to be fine, but I'd rather be safe than sorry," I instructed and noticed the speed in which her heart was beating. Turning towards her and softening my gaze I asked, "Are you okay?"

She gulped. "Yes, Esme. I'm fine," she told me her tone emotionless, but I could hear the small quiver of fear. "I'll go use the bathroom, then. Would you mind taking my bag?"

"Not at all, my dear," I told her allowing her lie to pass. It seemed that Bella preferred to act as if she was fine, and right now keeping her calm was more important than her being completely forthright with me.

She walked off and I kept close. Once we neared the washrooms, I waited at the end of the hall for her.

Once she came out and was standing next to me, I asked her, "Would you mind taking my hand, just in case, Bella?"

"Yeah, okay," she agreed with nervousness in her voice.

Exactly 16.5 minutes after Alice's call, we walked, hand in hand, out the door, down the street, and into the parking garage. I opened her door, ensured it was closed, put the bags into the back seat, and slid into the driver's seat.

As I started the car, she held up some papers in her hand. "What's this Esme?" she asked curiously. Curiousness would certainly be better for me than her fear in this small space and I didn't dare open the window in case it might send my scent outward and attract unwanted attention.

Paying close attention to our environment as I manoeuvred the car out of the parking garage, I told her, "They are my thoughts. I wrote them last night for Carlisle, since we are so far away from one another. I was going to send it, but then I realised I shouldn't. It wouldn't be good if it were to get lost or fall into someone's hands, so in the backseat it lays."

"Will you let him read it when he arrives?" she wondered.

"Of course, I read his journals on occasion, although they are mostly about his difficult patients or interesting medical findings. But I don't have to read his journals to know his thoughts. Those he always shares with me," I told her with a smile while I weaved through traffic being slightly more aggressive and travelling slightly faster than what was usual for me.

"What about the years before you were together?" she questioned.

"He has shared many of his stories with me," I told her. "I don't know if he will ever share them all. He's lived much longer than I."

Bella nodded in understanding. She leaned back and put the papers on the seat behind us where they had last lay. "Was it difficult in the beginning?" she asked after some silence.

Fortunately, there wasn't much traffic. "Which beginning?" I asked.

"When you first met?" she clarified.

"At sixteen I thought that I had met an angel sent to earth for some secret mission and that's why he couldn't court me. Then as we spent more time together I became even more certain." I chuckled. "I suppose I really wasn't too far off at sixteen, knowing Carlisle as I do now."

"Do all humans respond to vampires that way?" she asked her curiosity evident.

I giggled under my breath at how much of my sixteen-year-old self she sounded like. Calming myself I told her, "Most humans are attracted, yes. It's part of our nature, the lure, the beauty that draws people in. I suppose it makes hunting easier for those that choose to live that way. Yet, even while they're drawn in by the lure, their bodies' respond instinctually to the danger we contain. It is almost as if they are at war within themselves. So, in answer to your question, no, most don't recognise the other-worldliness about us. They might know their internal conflict makes them uncomfortable or that there is something unnameably different or odd, but they couldn't name it like you or I did."

"Huh."

"You are exceptionally observant for a human, Bella," I complimented her.

"Then, you were as well, as a human," she pointed out.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that. I always had an active imagination, drove my mother nuts, actually, so I tended to see things others didn't," I attempted to explain.

"Huh," she stated as if that answered so much. After a few moments, she spoke again. "Would you mind telling me more about those years?" she asked bashfully.

"No I don't mind," I told her.

The traffic had slowed some, but moving, as we had merged onto the highway. The design of this particular stretch made it difficult for someone on foot to follow us. There was little in way of coverings where another vampire could stay hidden, and I could not see any danger. I hoped that it was merely a random nomad. I really was in no position to protect Bella.

As we exited Seattle I continued to keep a close eye on our surrounding, ensuring we weren't being followed. In my attempt to distract Bella from the danger we had encountered, I spent the drive telling her about what I remembered regarding life for women when I was a girl and the expectations of wives back then. Luckily the trip to Seattle and the time with her had acclimatized me to her scent, and I was able to breathe with the windows up, even though it burned my throat tremendously. I talked a little about the challenges I had faced after I had been changed, since I was still a woman, but was not necessarily constrained by the surrounding culture.

"Not to mention that Carlisle's ideas about women come from a much different age. He never knew his human mother, and his human father was strict and firm. In fact, the little he knew about women came from overhearing conversations, which really meant he knew nothing about women. Nothing. He often would treat me as if I was one of the guys and then get flustered because he didn't want me to be one of the guys."

Bella laughed lightly.

I looked at her in amusement.

"I just can't imagine Carlisle flustered. He's the epitome of calm," she explained to me.

"Usually," I agreed, "but I know all his secrets." Then I winked at her.

She was suddenly sombre. "Yes, I suppose you do."

She looked out the window for a while seemingly lost in her own world.

I said nothing wondering myself if her thoughts were centred on Edward.

We were getting close to Forks.

"Bella?" I asked softly.

"Yes, Esme," she answered keeping her gaze on the scenery.

"Can I ask a question?"

"Sure," she answered tonelessly and then sighed.

Despite her lifeless answer she seemed calm enough for me to ask my question, so I pressed forward needing to know the answer. "Were you right that even though having me here is tough, that my presence has improved things for you in some way?"

She looked at me as if I had startled her. "Yes, Esme, I suppose I was right."

"Good," I told her.

She looked at me like she couldn't have possibly heard me correctly, but said nothing, and I was unwilling to press her once more. She looked far more fragile than usual, and I was uncertain what had created such a state in her.

As we came within a few blocks of her house, I checked with her, "Are we still on for Friday with Alice?"

"Yes," she stated without emotion. "You can pick me up at the same time."

Smiling I hoped that she was going to take my advice. I told her, "Of course. That sounds very sensible."

She nodded like she was agreeing, but she smelled and looked like she was afraid. Despite my desire to comfort, she seemed like she was folding into herself while simultaneously putting up walls. I decided to give her some space and see if she indicated that she needed me.

I parked the car.

She grabbed her bags, and I grabbed the one for Charlie.

Letting herself in she said loudly, "We're back."

I followed her towards the sounds of the television.

"Glad you got back safely, Bella," Charlie told her as we came near. Then he turned to me. "Nice to see you Esme."

"It's good to see you too Charlie," I let him know. "Thank you for letting me borrow your girl. She's a wonderful travel companion." I handed him the bag. "It's not much, but I picked you up a little something in our shopping."

"What's for dinner, Dad?" Bella asked almost as if I hadn't spoken at all.

"Oh, Bella, why didn't you tell me? With everything else we didn't get you dinner," I lamented feeling terrible for forgetting this in my concern over the other vampire.

"It's fine, Esme. I wasn't really hungry after lunch anyway. I'll go get something now," she said but her tone was too flat.

"Okay, then," I told her not wanting to press things in front of her father.

She moved towards me awkwardly.

Guessing at what she might want, conscious or not, I opened my arms to invite her in.

She lunged towards me as if she was afraid of the comfort while simultaneously unable to stop herself from asking for it, and put her check onto my shirt.

Wrapping my arms around her I held her until she wiggled.

"Night dear. See you on Friday," I reminded her.

"Friday," she replied as she walked into the kitchen.

"Let me walk you out," Charlie offered.

"Thank you," I told him stepping towards the door.

He opened it and we walked outside.

"Are you staying?" Charlie asked quietly but with a warning in his tone.

"Carlisle's new position wasn't for me, Charlie. My wonderful husband agreed to move back to Forks for my sake. As you know Alice and Edward are seniors this year. Alice will be returning to Forks High, but Edward will not be."

His eyebrow raised, but I ignored it.

"I'm not sure about Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett. They're on their own now, so they get more of a say about their lives. The impression I got from the last time I talked to Rosalie was that she was travelled out and ready to be home, but who knows what that means really. Jasper's always been the quietest of my brood. I can't always tell what's going on with him. He's a really good kid, but I'm not sure what his plans are."

"Edward is _not,"_ Charlie pressed through clenched teeth, _"_ going to be attending Forks High?"

My head and shoulders drooping, I replied, "It's a long story, Charlie, and one, honestly, I'm not ready to tell, but the bottom line is that he's not moving back to Forks with us."

Charlie looked conflicted between a desire to comfort me and his glee at my answer. When he did speak, his tone was curt, "I won't mince words, Esme. He hurt my little girl big. He left her in the woods by herself."

I started shaking my head back and forth, as my face fell, allowing my grief and despair at this news to show through in my features. How could he have done something like that? Although I didn't doubt Charlie's words, the image was inconceivable.

"I came home, found a note, but couldn't find Bella. I had to get a search party. Luckily Sam found her, but when he did, she was hollow."

As he spoke I wondered if Sam had found her because he was a shapeshifter. Bella had mentioned the name Sam in her answer about Jake. If he had, then our family owed him a debt of gratitude. Protecting her from Laurent and then this revelation was two things too many for our family to owe to shapeshifters, especially as it was debt that could never be fully repaid.

"She's been a shell of a human being," he continued clearly grieved. "Jake's helped a lot. And I can tell that you being here has done a world of good, but I don't want that boy of yours within 100 feet of her." I knew that tone. I understood that tone. He was protecting that which he loved.

If Edward had left Bella in the woods unguarded, what else had he said or done? With this information, the image of my son as Bella's protector and looking out for her best welfare came undone. Perhaps I didn't know him as well as I thought I had.

Frowning deeply, struggling to find the words to say, I told him, "I understand, Charlie. He's my son and I love him, but I cannot agree or condone what he did. I know it doesn't help or change it, but I am sorry for what happened. I thought I had raised him better than that. It doesn't change the hurt we've caused or the pain Bella and you have suffered, but I truly am sorry. Truly, Charlie, we had no idea the mess he created until a little while ago. Anything you or Bella need, don't hesitate to ask."

"We're fine. Just keep him away," he reiterated.

"You have a precious daughter, Charlie. She deserves only the best."

The hardness was gone. "Yes, yes she does."

"I invited her to go with Alice and I shopping. I was planning on Seattle, but I might take them up to Victoria instead, or perhaps even Portland, maybe even Vancouver. Would that be all right?"

"There are some murders and missing persons in the last few months in Seattle that the cops there are talking about. They haven't made the news yet, but it still makes me nervous. I didn't want to say no to her today because I could see how much going with you lit her up, but with just you and two girls, I'd feel better if you stayed clear of Seattle."

"Would Victoria or Vancouver be all right?"

He took a moment before replying, "Yeah, Bella's got a passport."

"In that case, I'll talk to Alice and see. If we went to Vancouver and it got too late, would you mind if I rented a hotel room and I brought her back Saturday?"

"Let me talk to Bella, but that would work fine for me. I could give you some money."

Pausing I considered how to word what I wanted to say. "I appreciate your offer, but for all the pain that my family has caused you, please don't worry about it. We owe you more than money can ever repay, but it's something we have in abundance. Carlisle comes from old money, you see, and with his job," I trailed off. "Well, you can imagine. So, please grant me this. I know buying a few trinkets for Bella won't ever make up for what she has gone through, but I'd be ever so grateful i you let me spoil her a little."

He said nothing but grunted. "I don't hold his actions against you and Carlisle, just so you know," he told me after an awkward pause.

"That's very generous and kind of you," I told him impressed at his generous and forgiving heart. "I've always believed you to be a fair and honourable man," I continued musing that Bella was like him in this way. "The town couldn't ask for a better Chief of Police."

The silence began to be heavy when he said, "Well, I'd better get in. Call Bella on Thursday night."

"Will do. Good night, Charlie. Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it."

"You're a good woman, Esme. Good night." And with that he turned and went back into his house.

As soon as I was in the car I texted Carlisle Bella and I are back safely in Forks. Crossed paths with someone related to us.

It took him less than two minutes to call me.

"You all right, Esme?" he asked his worry apparent.

"Yes, Carlisle, calm yourself," I insisted. "We are both fine."

"You were careful?" he pressed.

Smiling at my husband's protectiveness, I reassured him, "Yes, Carlisle. I called Alice and with her help nothing poor happened. We crossed paths, but no introductions were made."

Even through the phone I could hear him relax. "I really am disliking you being there alone. It is not good for me," he admitted.

His concern brought a smile to my face. His love for me had never been in doubt. Nevertheless, I appreciated this small reminder. "I promised to take care of myself. I won't break my promise," I assured him.

"If uninvited guests come and visit, you will put up the shutters and call?" he pressed.

"Of course," I promised.

"I'm sure it will be all right," he said out loud probably more for his benefit than for mine. "I just miss you and don't like you being alone."

"I often am alone when you are at work and the children are at school," I reminded him.

"I know, but then I'm close by," he told me as this was obvious.

Practically that might be true, but it seemed like he was missing the bigger picture. "True, but anything can change in an instant. Our marriage has always required hope and faith in these matters."

He sighed. "Yes, of course, you're right, my love," he uttered sounding more like himself than he had before. "I'm glad to hear that you and Bella are safe. I am being paged. I shall try to call if I get another moment."

"Of course, dear."

As soon as I hung up I remembered the papers still lying in the back of the car.

Needing a distraction, I went to the grocery store to make it known that we were back.

There were lots of whispers at Thriftway, but fortunately being the doctor's wife over the decades meant that I had lots of experience dealing with gossip and whisperers. In the parking lot one of nurses Carlisle had worked with saw me and came up to me.

"Nice to see you Esme," she told me when she was near enough.

"You as well Natalie," I replied cordially.

"Does this mean the rumour mill is actually true this time?" she asked conspiratorially.

"About which part?" I asked.

"That Dr. Cullen is returning," she replied expectantly.

"Yes, it's my fault actually. The big city didn't agree with me. I'm fortunate to have such a loving husband," I told her.

"Well, I'm glad that he's coming back. We've been suffering without him."

I smiled politely knowing that it was a euphemism and that the only one that had suffered was Bella.

"I need to get the groceries home, Natalie. Nice to run into you," I said.

"You too, Esme," she replied cordially.

By the next time Carlisle called, the groceries had been put away and the house was nearly in order. Fortunately, as well, the fright in him was gone and we simply talked about my time with Bella and he told me about moving plans and the kids. I decided to wait to tell him about the conversation with Charlie until we were all conferenced together. That way I could tell them all at once, since Charlie's request affected us all.

Our family conference call took place on early on Tuesday morning, as it had been the first-time Carlisle had gotten home since my leaving. It was certainly stranger than usual. Even though he was at home, he had to be on his cell phone so the paper trail would match that we were all in different locations. I'm sure Jasper hacking something was involved. As long as Carlisle had agreed to the measures Jasper would employ, they didn't need to ask me about those details. It was also clear in the manner in which Carlisle spoke that the conversation was also about laying a vocal trail in case one was ever needed. Probably Jasper was recording it in some way.

"So, Mom, Dad, I'm really not liking the whole being at college by myself. I really have been missing the family. I want to withdraw and come back to Forks with you guys. Maybe once Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett decide where they're going we can all go together or something."

I smiled broadly. The words were there, but the tone was too flat. Jasper was the worst at acting human when it came to these things. Nevertheless, it was an inventive cover story. It matched what people knew of Jasper and what I had told Charlie.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, son. Are you sure?" I asked my voice oozing concern.

If I had to guess, Jasper was gritting his teeth. He hated pretending, which might be a part of why he was so bad at it.

"Yes, Mom, I'm sure," he said not quite waiting the right amount of time in responding for a human conversation.

"Well, you know how much I love having you around, Jasper. What did you think, Carlisle?"

I could hear the mirth in his tone. "The credits will transfer. There's no point in him staying if he's miserable."

"I guess that's a yes from us both, then," I told Jasper making sure I sounded motherly.

"Thanks, Mom," Jasper added for good measure.

"We just want you to be happy," I told him enjoying playing my role in this way and having him call me Mom, since he never did otherwise.

"By the way, Esme, Rosalie called me," Carlisle's mirth was hidden under his official tone. "They're going to end their travels early. She caught some kind of stomach thing and wants to be home."

"The more the merrier," I told him milking it. "I'm sorry to hear she got ill, though. Do you think it's life-threatening?"

"Nothing an antibiotic treatment can't cure," he said sounding serious on the surface, but I knew better.

"Did she say when they would be arriving?" I inquired.

"They're going to meet me in L.A. and come up with me. We might drive rather than fly. I'm not sure, yet, but either way I'll be there on the 25th at the latest and start work on the 26th."

"Well, I don't have a preference. Whichever sounds best to you," I let him know.

"All right," he confirmed letting me know that he had heard my vote. "How was Seattle?" he asked to make sure we were all on the same page, even though they already knew things from Alice's end that I was safe.

"Uneventful except at the end," I reported.

"Did you run into anyone we know?" he asked.

"No one I can recall meeting. I didn't get to chat, but there were some vague qualities that seemed familiar. Perhaps a child of someone we've met but aren't close friends with? Jasper is much better at those things than I."

"Yes, that's true. Nevertheless, you arrived safely none the worse for wear?" he checked even though he had already asked me this question nearly every time we had talked prior.

"Not that I could tell," I assured him and them.

"I will be glad when you're not in that big house all alone," he reiterated.

"Not that much longer," I reminded him. "Changing subjects, I wanted to mention that Charlie asked me not to take Alice to Seattle," I informed them. "He said there had been some violence there that concerned him. He didn't like the idea of two young girls and me near to the dangers there. Have you heard anything on the news?" I checked.

"No, I honestly I have not kept up much with the Seattle news," he told me his voice suggesting that he was reviewing to make sure his memory didn't contain something he had overlooked.

Even though that made sense, it would put us at a disadvantage if something were happening, assuming it wasn't a result of human behaviours. Before catching that scent I would have assumed Charlie's warning had nothing to do about our kind, but since his words I didn't want to rule anything out.

"Well, he sounded serious, so I offered to take the girls to Victoria or Vancouver. If we go to Vancouver I might rent a hotel and have us spend the night," I informed him and Alice.

"Let's say Vancouver unless Charlie has an objection," he said letting me know Alice's request.

"I think Alice will enjoy that," I said playing along.

"Yes, I think so too," he agreed a smile evident in his tone.

"Have you had more thoughts about Edward, Carlisle?" I asked. "Charlie enquired."

"I'm still torn. All the options we last discussed are still on the table," he informed me.

"I understand, but we will need to make a decision soon," I reiterated even though they were all well aware.

"I will work on that next, love," he promised.

"I'd appreciate that. Also, I want to say something, but I need you to keep your cool," I warned my family.

"Of course, Esme," he stated. "I'm listening."

I could just imagine the visual warning he was giving our children.

"It's about Bella." I paused for good measure. "Charlie mentioned that Edward left Bella in the woods the night that you and him left Forks. Evidentially it took a search party to find her. One of the Quileutes, Sam precisely, found her in a catatonic state. Charlie has demanded that we keep Edward away from her."

There was a long pause and I waited.

After many long minutes, Carlisle informed me, "Please continue."

"He was obviously very upset. I would assume a doctor would have been called by the sound of it."

"That would be a reasonable assumption," he agreed tightly.

"Please tell Alice to consider what this information might mean in light of previous conversations," I warned her.

"That's a good point, Esme. I will do," Carlisle confirmed.

"All right. Anything more on your end?" I checked.

"Yes, tons, but it can wait till I'm there," he let me know. After a brief pause he added, "Oh, one more thing, I have it on good authority that your new vehicle will be ready tomorrow when you pick up Alice."

"Thank you for letting me know. I'll arrange things with the dealership."

"Would it be okay with you if I came in on Wednesday as well?" Jasper interjected.

"Can you get everything squared away before then?" I wanted to know.

"Yes," was his firm reply.

"That's okay with me. Carlisle?"

"Yes, that's fine," he agreed.

"Since we are both in agreement could you consider, Jasper, me picking you up before I get the new car? Perhaps while I'm finishing up with the dealership you might want to stretch your legs in Seattle?"

This time there was a slightly longer pause than he technically needed. He was probably considering the pros and cons of my request. "I'm happy to go to the dealership with you," he let me know. "I'm not sure about stretching my legs though, but let me think about it."

"Sure. Let me know what you decide when I collect you," I told him.

"Anything else?" Carlisle asked, a question meant for the kids.

"I'm good," was Jasper's reply clearly speaking to me on their behalf.

"So, Alice will be travelling from L.A. and Jasper from Ithaca on Wednesday. You'll pick them up and get the car at the dealership. On Friday, you will tentatively take Alice and Bella to Vancouver and spend the night into Saturday. On Monday, you will enrol Alice back into Forks High to finish her senior year, while Jasper is going to do some research on where he wants to study. The following Sunday, by the latest I will arrive. I'm not sure about when Rosalie and Emmett will be back, but probably around the same time as me depending on what they do," he recapped no doubt checking in with everyone that there was nothing more. "Was that it for now?"

"I can't think of anything else," I told him

"Well then, we're in agreement."

"Call me if you can Carlisle," I asked.

"I know love."

"Bye guys."

"Bye Mom," Jasper added playing along. Nonetheless, the words melted my heart.

"Talk to you soon love," I told Carlisle.

Finishing up a few last things in the house, I was feeling restless, so sat down to work on the blueprints of the Forks house to see if there were ways to improve it. Suddenly my ears picked up the sound of what could only be vampires running towards the house. I became statuesque hoping that I hadn't made a critical error in coming back to Forks alone.

For the next few seconds all that my mind could conjure is what would happen to my family if I were to be turned to ash. Then my mind registered that the gaits were of Eleazar, Carmen, and Tanya. Letting out a huge sigh of relief, I travelled downstairs, put in the code lifting the shutters, and went outside to greet them.

"How nice to see you three," I told them when they were in hearing distance.

A few seconds later, they came into view bearing smiles.

"Is Irina and Kate not with you?" I asked frowning concerned something had happened while I hugged each of them.

"No," Tanya informed me. "Laurent has not returned since your call, Irina is worried and stayed in case he returned, and Kate stayed to keep her company."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I told them.

"What was Carlisle thinking allowing you to be here alone?" Eleazar asked clearly teasing some.

Smiling at him, I told him, "That his wishes of his wife were greater than his desire to keep her near."

"Very brave of him," he commended.

"Yes," I agreed. "Carlisle is very brave about a great number of things."

"Carlisle mentioned that you came across a nomad's scent in Seattle," Tanya told me sounding concerned confirming my suspicions. "We would all be grieved if something were to happen to you, Esme," she informed me warmly.

"That is very kind of you," I told her.

Tanya waved her hand as if it was nothing.

"Come inside," I insisted, "Sit and tell me about your concerns regarding Laurent."

After we were seated Tanya said, "There's not much, just that he hasn't returned within the time we expected."

"Carlisle mentioned to you that we suspect he had a run in with the Quileute wolves?" I checked.

"Yes," she stated.

"And he also mentioned the treaty?" I confirmed.

Eleazar smiled knowingly, "We didn't come to cause trouble, Esmeralda, only to keep you company and see if we can find answers."

"I didn't doubt otherwise," I agreed. "I can take you to the meadow in Alice's vision. The scents might be gone by now, and although there are five wolves, our family assumed that Laurent simply scaled a tree to escape them. We presumed that no harm greater than a scratch had come to him."

"Yes," Eleazar said, "Carlisle had said as much as well."

"In that case, let me take you," I told them getting up.

With me in the lead, we all went to Edward's meadow. It took a bit of searching, as I had never been there before, but eventually we came upon Quiluete shapeshifter stench of decomposed flesh and death. We spread out searching for Laurent's scent. Although I could tell at moments that he had been in the woods, his scent simply wasn't absorbed enough into the forest to say anything for sure.

Hours later Eleazar stated, "I think we will find no answers this way except that Laurent was here at one time and wolves were here at one time. The trails are too difficult to follow assuredly."

Agreeing reluctantly, we headed back to the house. Once there, we all changed and came down to the living room in clean dry clothes.

"Carlisle said he would request details from the tribal chief once he has arrived," Eleazar told me.

I nodded in agreement as if I already knew this. "They are honourable people and have no reason to hide from us the truth of this matter." After a short pause, I asked, "Do you know why he would even be in this area?"

"No," Tanya told me. "We are all hoping for Irina's sake that he wasn't still loyal to Victoria."

"Yes," I concurred, "We are all hoping that. If he were, it would put him at odds with our family."

"That it would," Tanya agreed, "So, let us hope that is not the case, or, even if it were, that he can be persuaded otherwise."

Nodding in hopes that would be the case, I asked, "So, are you staying until Alice and Jasper arrive?"

"If you'll have us," Carmen added.

"I'd love the company," I told them all. "Do share some stories since the last time we saw each other."

Tanya shared a story of her and Kate going into town and finding some human men to have fun with. Carmen shared some of the changes they were making to the house and thoughts they had about some business ventures that would be entirely online.

Into the afternoon my plans to check on Bella seemed impossible. Then I came up with a different idea than simply observing her from the forest, since I knew she was working. Excusing myself, I told them I had an errand I needed to run, got into the car, and drove to Newton's Outfitters.

Despite my protests, Tanya had joined me. She had been unwilling to take no for an answer. I suspected that Carlisle might have hinted at keeping me safe, and smiled at the thought.

When Tanya and I entered the store, Bella was in the midst of helping some backpackers from out of town, so I waited till she was done, while Tanya entertained herself talking with some male shoppers.

After finishing helping the backpackers, she came over to me and asked, "Hey, Esme. What can I do for you?" She seemed pleased but surprised to see me. She looked wearingly over at Tanya, but said nothing.

Her discretion impressed me.

"I came in because I need some new hiking boots. When I went out yesterday it was clear that I had run through my old ones and I didn't pack any to bring with me. Certainly, they're in a box on a moving truck, but that won't help me at the moment, so I thought maybe you'd have some suggestions."

She smiled at me knowingly. "Probably ones with really thick soles?"

"You know me too well, darling," I told her while smiling sweetly.

"Okay, sit over there. Let me get you a few to try from the back," she instructed.

"Thank you," I let her know.

"Sure."

She came back and did an excellent job helping me. I purchased two pairs. Seeing her had helped calm me.

"Really, Esme?" Tanya chided when we got back into the car. "Hiking boots?"

Smiling at her, I said nothing in return.

She had a calculating look and about half way to the house asked, "Is that the girl that turned Edward's head?"

Keeping my face neutral despite my concerns regarding her having that knowledge, I told her, "Yes, it is."

"She's rather plain," Tanya stated.

"The heart is often moved by more than outward appearance," I told her.

"I presume she's the reason you've moved back," Tanya said.

"In part," I agreed.

"I don't see what Edward sees in her," Tanya proclaimed.

"Yes, well I doubt you see in Carlisle what I do," I stated gently trying to pull her out of this comparison.

"True," she conceded.

"Enough of that," I told her. "So, I'm guessing you were asked to be my bodyguard."

Her eyes twinkled mischievously, "I might have offered, yes. Apart from not wanting to see any harm come to you Esme, I was curious. You can't begrudge me trying to solve this mystery," she told me in a playful tone.

"Was your curiosity sated?" I asked.

"No," she replied frowning. "In fact, I'm even more curious than before."

I chuckled.

She looked at me to explain myself.

"Bella often seems to stir that reaction in our kind," I told her.

"Huh," was her reply.

"So, now that you're my designated bodyguard, what shall we do with ourselves?" I asked her teasingly.

She chuckled. "Let's go hunt," she suggested lightly. "It was a long run."

"I could certainly do with some blood," I agreed easily.

When we returned to the house I offered for Eleazar and Carmen to join us. They accepted.

In the beginning resisting human blood had been challenging and every once in a while, like when Bella cut herself, it could be too much, but overall, I had no qualms about blood. I enjoyed the challenge of hunting animals in a way that caused the least fear or suffering. The animal that died did so to nourish me, while also ensured that a human didn't die in its place. All creatures consumed something to live, and animal blood didn't seem that much different to me than humans eating animal meat. In the end, it was what sustained me so that I could live my life. It could be worse I regularly reminded myself. When we got to the park Eleazar and Carmen went their own way, so Tanya and I travelled together to find something we wanted.

After Tanya had her fill and I was sated we returned to Forks, as she said not to wait for Eleazar and Carmen. Before heading home, I went to Bella's house to check on her with Tanya in tow. She was sound asleep in her bed. There was a fresh shapeshifter trail in the forest around her house. Although the scent itself was repugnant, I appreciated that someone else was also looking out for her. It was probably Jake, as Bella had made him sound like he was a good friend. We stayed until I heard Charlie begin to stir.

"It is just the girl and her father?" Tanya asked as we ran back to the house.

"Yes," I confirmed, "she is also the same one that Laurent almost snacked on."

"Oh," Tanya said despondently. "Then I am glad for our families' sakes that he did not succeed."

"As am I," I agreed.

"Carlisle mentioned that in Alice's vision Laurent had told her that Victoria was looking to kill her, and that your family felt obligated to keep her from harm."

"Yes," I sighed heavily. "She was with us when we met Laurent's old coven and Victoria might be attempting to get at her. We want to make sure that doesn't happen."

Tanya nodded. We were close to the house when she added, "Please stay on the right side of the law, Esme. The Volturi are not forgiving, not even to friends."

Smiling grimly at her, I thanked her, "I appreciate your wise counsel, Tanya."

It seemed clear to me that Tanya wasn't going to ask for specifics, as she didn't want to be caught on the wrong side of the law. Given her history, I understood and respected her stance. It made her willingness to come and be with me even more generous.

When we got back to the house I decided to clean it, make Carlisle's and my bed, and do small household chores. Tanya didn't help much, but kept me company. Eventually Eleazar and Carmen returned. We talked some before we parted ways. I promised them that we would let them know if we heard anything about Laurent, then headed out to pick up Alice and Jasper. They both were arriving about noon. I had no doubt that this was the most complicated paper and electronic cover story, as well as hacking our family had ever done. Not once had we ever needed records to show that we had lived in a place we had never been to order to return to a previous location. I would leave those details in my children's very capable hands.

As I drove, I couldn't help but reflect on Bella's and my trip. I had decided to wait to tell the family the details that could not have been easily conveyed over the phone that I had learned both from Bella and Charlie about the impact to Bella from Edward's departure. Not to mention that it was bound to be a difficult conversation, so one best had in person. I hoped to convince them that, for the moment, we needed to keep Edward away from Bella. Once he made a decision to see her, Alice would see it and the boys could stop him. If I got my way, I wanted them apart at least till June. Once she left Charlie's house, things might look different. Then, I amended my conclusion to keeping them apart at least till she was healthier, stronger, and ready to see him.

Part of why that conversation was best had in person was that our family was divided about Edward, and I was uncertain if we could come to an agreement. We hadn't even yet been able to agree to a cover story. Actually dealing with him, once he returned, wasn't something I was ready to face. At least three of my children liked the idea of breaking him apart for a while. After hearing what Charlie had said, I was feeling more inclined to agree to that myself, although I was uncertain what it might accomplish.

I waited in the airport cell phone area with my windows rolled up, to be on the safe side in case the nomad, whose scent I had crossed, was inclined to still be in the area. Their plane was a little late, and Alice packed a lot, of course.

"So, what's the plan Jasper?" I asked once they were settled in the car.

"We agreed for you to show me and Alice the place where you picked up the scent. We will see what we can find out and meet you back where you drop us off."

"All right," I agreed. "Thank you."

Driving to downtown I double-parked and showed him the spot, let him and Alice out, and went to pick up the car purchased as per Rosalie's specifications.

She had reiterated to me this morning of all that should be included while I had to remind her that I wasn't a car expert like her and the best I could do was ask the sales person if it indeed had everything she had ordered.

She had huffed and agreed.

Parking the rented Lincoln, I went into the showroom. There was a young guy behind the counter, who, although he looked at me inappropriately, kindly asked me to take a seat. He came back with a man who eyed me like a piece of meat and started the conversation by saying, "Hey gorgeous what can I do for _you_?"

I responded by smiling sweetly and telling him, "Your manager, please."

He spluttered and stuttered but came back with a round man with white hair and a kind face.

"I apologise for bothering you, sir. Nevertheless, I expect the upmost respect from all Mercedes employees and did not appreciate the way your associate spoke to me," I informed him. "I was hoping you could personally direct me to another associate to help me today."

"Certainly, Ms.?"

"Mrs. Cullen," I told him tersely.

"Mrs. Cullen?" he said with a manner that implied that he was impressed.

"Yes, sir," I replied with the tone that I usually reserved for Carlisle's colleagues who had the bad sense to flirt with me.

"I do apologize," he stated sincerely acting as if I had chastised him. "Let me get you someone who might be better suited to your expectations."

"That would be appreciated," I let him know speaking formally.

He disappeared and came back with a woman that had short black hair, but for all intent and purposes otherwise reminded me of Rosalie. We would get on just fine.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Cullen, I'm Ashley Mitchell," she told me while extending her hand. "Glad you were able to stop in today. We were told that you had a Hertz car that you needed to be returned, was that correct?"

"Yes," I replied cordially as I briefly shook her hand.

"I'll take care of that myself. Would you step this way to look over the paperwork, then we'll show you the car, and sign everything?" she asked.

"Very well, Ms. Mitchell," I agreed.

Once we sat down, she went through all the specs, what had been ordered, the special work done. Everything Rosalie had asked for was on the list.

As she spoke and explained everything, my ears were picking up on the manager dressing down the previous associate. Hopefully he would learn proper conduct when speaking to a lady. Times had changed, for the better in some ways, I believed, but basic respect and kindness seemed to be fading away in human society, especially in larger cities.

When we got to the end we went and had a look at the vehicle. I had asked Rosalie to get a colour other than the stock colours of black, white, or silver. It was a metallic dark forest green.

"We did the custom paint job here ourselves, so if there's the slightest issue we'll take care of it," Ms. Mitchell explained.

I simply nodded and got in the driver's seat. Yes, this would do. Rosalie had chosen well, including the colour. I would have to let her know.

"That's fine," I told Ms. Mitchell once I had exited the vehicle.

We went back to her desk area. I paid for the vehicle, included a hefty bonus for Ms. Mitchell and the workmen, had the bags transferred, left her the keys to the Lincoln and drove back to pick up Jasper and Alice.

Not a block from the dealership I rang Rosalie.

"It's a fine car, Rosalie," I told her as soon as it had connected.

"Did they do it to specs?" she grumbled.

"It was all there," I told her. "You'll have to verify it yourself when you get here. I just know I like it. It was a good pick, thank you."

"You're welcome. This week can't go by fast enough."

"I miss you too, sweetheart," I let her know even though this wasn't the first time I had needed to reassure her since I had left Ithaca.

"Glad you like it," she stated as if I hadn't addressed her unspoken concerns.

"I really do," I confirmed. "I appreciate all your hard work."

"You're welcome," she told me and paused like she was going to say something more, but Emmett could be heard in the background. "Got to go Mom. See you soon," she added before hanging up.

Then I called Alice. "I'm about a mile away," I let her and Jasper know.

"See you soon."

"Sounds good," I told her before disconnecting the call.

Sure enough, at a red light they appeared at the car.

"Nice wheels, Mom," Alice complimented.

"Thanks, Rosalie outdid herself this time. So, what did you find out?" I asked.

"The scent wasn't strong enough anymore. We came across another trail that was a few days old a few miles in direction of the warehouses, but it also was too weak," Jasper reported.

"Two different scents?" I repeated back shocked. "Could that mean that there is a coven in Seattle instead of just one nomad?"

"Seems likely," was Jasper's terse reply.

"Either way, thank you for checking," I told them my thoughts consumed about what that might mean.

"Of course," Alice answered smiling.

"Did you find anything worrisome in the news?" I wondered.

"There are certainly our kind killing in the city," Jasper replied evenly. "I'd rather come back once Rosalie and Emmett are here in case there's more than these two."

"More than two? Jasper, we've never come across more than three in a coven." I left my statement hung open hoping he would say more.

He looked at me sternly and added, "The scents were old, so I cannot be certain, but I suspect the two we came across are newborns."

"Newborns? Two of them?" I asked astonished. Why would there be newborns in Seattle? It wasn't our lifestyle choice, but I could see the value of raising a newborn in Seattle. The city was big enough for feeding and hiding kills. But two? That made no sense. And how did that relate to what the humans were saying in the news? The information simply did not add up. Certainly Jasper would have some theories. I went to ask him, but the look on his face made it clear that he wasn't going to say much else. "One of the many things to discuss when we're all assembled I assume?" I told him letting him know I respected his desire to wait.

"You assume correctly," Jasper agreed briskly.

Then I put it out of my mind. There was no reason to think about it until we were all assembled.

Jasper and Alice spent the rest of the car ride filling me in with all the options being considered for cover stories and how long we might need to stay in the area with the added potential issue of Seattle. An hour from Forks the conversation turned to Edward.

"So, are we any closer to a consensus regarding Edward's cover story?" I asked.

"Rosalie still wants him to be in some kind of trouble, so the conversation seems to be leaning towards a fancy music school that has strict boarding. Jasper found one in Europe that fit the bill," Alice informed me.

I sighed. "When we're all assembled we also need to discuss what to do if Edward shows up here."

"He's still in Brazil the best I can tell," Alice sighed sadly.

I nodded. "Still, since we are taking responsibility for Bella, that includes from Edward. I would appreciate it Jasper, if you would come up with some possibilities."

"Sure, Esme," he agreed easily.

"Thank you. I'm sure you'll need to hunt when we get home."

"I need at least to run and have fresh air. I really _hate_ airplanes," Jasper snarled.

Alice just leaned back from the front seat and patted his knee.

"I'll put your bags in your room, then," I let them know.

"Thank you, Esme," Alice beamed.

"Of course, dear."

When we pulled up they sprinted away. I put the bags in their room and then drove the car into the garage. I pulled into my assigned spot. It still was strange to have my car be the only one.

I called and talked to Carlisle a little, telling him that my written thoughts were waiting for him to arrive. He shared about his days at work, his worries as a doctor and as a father. He relayed that he had been able to contact Edward earlier in the day, but that he had sounded worse.

"I don't think he's feeding, Esme," he told me heavily.

"We can't make him, Carlisle," I reminded him.

"I know," he agreed. "I just worry," he admitted.

"As do I. Hope, faith, and love," I assured him.

"Hope, faith, and love," he repeated solemnly.

We talked about a few other minor things, but mostly we just talked to hear the other and to feel some connection despite our distance. Eventually he was needed in order to keep to Rosalie's packing schedule, which I found adorable and he did not.

Our family was split by location, Edward was in South America, Bella looked like she hadn't really been living, we had new shapeshifters as neighbours, and Laurent and Victoria might be trying to take revenge on our family. Closing the phone I took in a steadying breath and for the first time since my awakening prayed. With careful thought I asked that hope, faith, and love would be enough to get us through whatever the future held.


	10. New Experiences

**References to Alice's first shopping trip with Esme is courtesy of Jessica314's Tale of Years: 1950 here on FF.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 18 Jan)

* * *

 **Chapter 10: New Experiences**

* * *

Finally feeling inspired to work on the image of Carlisle once more I set up my easel and paints. I hadn't gotten very far when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered without noting the caller.

"Please come to Bella's house," Jasper asked sounding strained with Bella's screaming clearly heard in the background before he just as quickly hung up.

Racing downstairs, lifting the shutters up, and running as fast as I could my mind would not stop repeating the horrid sound that had carried through the phone. Dashing through the woods, I dialled Carlisle.

"Evening love," he greeted me.

"Something is wrong with Bella," I told him bluntly. "I'm almost there."

"It's okay my sweet darling," he offered. "Alice called me. I'm here with you," he assured me.

When I reached Bella's house Alice and Jasper were in the trees closest to her bedroom holding hands still as marble.

Hopping into a nearby tree, I waited watching Jasper concentrate, using his gift to calm her, as I could feel it blanketing me as well.

"Carlisle's on the phone," I informed them.

Once Bella settled Alice turned to me. Jasper's face was furrowed in concentration fully focused on Bella. "How was she before?" Alice asked at a human pace.

"Monday night I didn't come and check on her, since I had promised to take extra precautions. Tuesday night Tanya came here with me after we had hiked together. It was close to two hours before sunrise. We stayed until I heard Charlie rise, so a little over an hour perhaps. She was very restless and I could her moving a lot and mumbling." Closing my eyes I reviewed the time with her. "She whimpered some and said Edward's name, but nothing like that. What was that?" I asked.

"Night terror," Carlisle answered in his doctor tone, but underneath it anguish and guilt could be heard.

"She had a hard time sleeping in Phoenix," Alice said softly before I could say anything to comfort Carlisle. "Although Jasper had to sedate her a few times, this was worse," she added as if it was an after thought.

Inhaling sharply in surprise I asked her upset, "Why did you never say so?"

I expected Jasper's calm to blanket me, but I could only sense the ripples from what he was sending to Bella. The fact that comforting Bella took so much effort that he hadn't used his gift on me was unsettling. Bella must be in worse shape than I was thinking.

Alice shrugged unaffected by my tone. "By the time she was in the hospital her inability to sleep seemed inconsequential."

"Would these night terrors explain some of her physical features?" I wondered out loud.

"Very possibly," Carlisle answered. "Lack of sleep is a form of torture for any human, especially after extended periods of time. The chemical reaction in the brain that it can create can cause many negative side effects."

He had himself put together, but I suspected that he was using his doctor persona to mask his true feelings. Had I made the wrong choice to come for Bella's sake? Did Carlisle need me more? These thoughts stopped abruptly with a soft distressed moan. If Jasper's gift could do all that I had discovered, how could it be that she was still suffering?

"Jasper?" I asked softly.

"What I used in Phoenix isn't as effective. I'll get the mix right. It just will take some time," he stated in clipped military tones his strain apparent.

As my mind tried to take in what Carlisle and Jasper had said I gasped. The words "She's being tortured" flew out of my lips. Then as quickly as I said them I covered my mouth.

"Usually a doctor would prescribe a sleeping aid so that the person can get some rest," Carlisle said in his doctor tone with a detachment that usually meant that he was considering something.

Gratefully it seemed that no one was going to mention my faux pas. Nevertheless, my mind could not move past the excruciating pain of realizing what Bella was enduring. It was not quite as terrible as the burn from transformation, however. I would protect any of my family from pain, but her venerability and fragile nature made the reality of the situation sting even more.

"Please Esme," Jasper begged.

"I'm sorry," I apologised immediately and focused on the beauty of nature surrounding us trying to manage my emotions as so not to make things worse for Jasper.

"Is there anything we can do?" I asked Carlisle once my emotions were more settled.

"Other than Jasper, or her taking a prescription, getting her to talk about what's bothering her is really the best medicine," he told me his own frustration at the situation apparent in his tone.

"Thank you love," I told him attempting to comfort him. "Come to me soon."

"As fast as I am able," he promised. "Call if there are any changes," he instructed.

"Of course," I assured him.

After I hung up the phone I stayed with Alice and Jasper watching Jasper comfort Bella with his gift until the sun began to rise and Charlie arose starting his morning.

"Ready?" I asked.

They nodded, moved from their perches, and we starting back home as soon as our feet hit the forest floor.

"Are you going to keep an eye on her today?" I asked them as we came to the house.

Alice and Jasper exchanged a look. "Yes," she told me.

"She works at Newton's," I told them their answer assuring and comforting me.

They nodded before heading to their room.

I went back to my painting and attempting to once again focus on capturing the Carlisle of my imagining, but I found my mind over and over coming back to the idea that Bella was being tortured by her dreams. I needed Carlisle. He would call when he could. An hour after Alice and Jasper had left the house my phone rung.

"I miss you," I told him grateful he had found some time sooner than later.

"And I you," he admitted. "I have a small window, but I needed to hear your voice so much."

"How are you doing?" I asked concerned.

"What is the value of all my knowledge, Esme, if she is wasting away before our eyes?" he asked painfully.

"You are not God," I reminded him. "You made what you thought was the best decision at the time. We could not have known."

"No," I agreed sounding exhausted, "we could not have known, but I could have guessed."

Arguing this point over the phone seemed pointless, so I changed topics. "Did I make the wrong choice by asking to come here? I feel as if I have failed you as your wife," I admitted.

My question must have caught him off guard as a small intake of breath could be heard. "Never my wife apologise for loving your children. It is difficult to be away from you, and I need you desperately, but this was what was best for our family. We will be well. I will be well."

"I would get on a plane this hour if you needed me to," I told him emphatically.

He smiled slightly. "No, my wonderful wife. Take care of her. I've got to go. I'll call soon," he promised. "Love you," he said as the phone disconnected.

"And I you," I told the ring tone knowing he would hear me in his heart.

I tried to go back to my painting, but was unable. Eventually I gave up and texted Alice. Where are you?

Border line on the road to La Push was the reply before I had to chance to send the message.

Leaving the house, I made my way to Alice and Jasper. They each nodded their head in a greeting as I made my way to a high branch.

After a few hours I asked, "How was she today?"

"Not sure," was Alice's reply.

"In pain," was Jasper's.

Certainly he would pick up my curiosity, but he said nothing more, so I didn't ask. If he wanted to keep Bella's inner world private, I wasn't going to push him.

Suddenly Alice stilled in the way that she did when she was receiving a vision and then screamed "No!"

Jasper wrapped his arms around her stopping her from crossing the line before she could move more than a centimetre. "Shhh, June Bug, tell me what you saw," he cooed sending out the emotional cocktail I had felt from him when she had the vision of Laurent in Edward's meadow.

"She jumped," Alice wailed. "Then it went black." After a sob she added, "She's dead Jazz and it's all our fault."

I felt his cocktail increase in strength, and had the strangest sensation, as if I desired to offer Jasper my allegiance. Even though I knew it was part of what he was using to calm Alice and ensure she stayed in his arms, it was irresistible. I could see why he thought Carlisle wouldn't appreciate him pushing that emotion into me. My bonds to Carlisle were stronger and I trusted Jasper completely, but it was odd nonetheless. Also disconcerting was that any concern for Bella due to Alice's vision was nonexistent. Intellectually I knew I should be upset and worried, but I couldn't seem to find myself to feel that way.

"It's gone black before, June Bug. Let's wait before we make any firm conclusions," he encouraged her.

Time stretched on and on each second like a drum telling us of our doom, and then like a flute offering hope we heard the recognizable sound of Bella's truck. In batted breath the three of us stilled completely.

"I'm fine," I faintly heard Bella say.

"Cliff jumping, Bells? Really?" Jake said scathingly. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"No," she retorted, but even still the emptiness in her tone that had existed on Monday could be heard.

" _He's_ not worth dying over," he claimed firmly.

She sighed as if she was too tired to argue.

The three of us began to run along the road with the truck.

"Frecking mothersuckers," Jake muttered under her breath. "Leave her alone. Go back to whatever hole you came from and destroy someone else's life," he said lowly clearly speaking to us.

"Bella," he said to her in a sigh.

"I know, Jake. I know. And I appreciate everything. I do. You're right. I would have died if you hadn't come in and saved me, but Jake you can't keep saving me. You have to live your own life."

"I will when you stop trying to die," he claimed his tone sharp.

"I wasn't trying to die," she snapped back at him, but there was no real strength in it.

"I know he hurt you bad, but this isn't the way to solve it," he said softly.

"There's no solving Jake. It's one day at a time and I'm _trying,_ " she replied with irritation present in her tone.

"I wish you didn't have to try so much," he answered her, sounding almost desolate.

After a pause she told him, "Don't be like that. I'll be fine."

He sighed but said nothing more.

When they got to her house she headed inside.

"You good?" he asked. "Need me to stay?" he checked.

"No, I'm good," she told him, but it sounded too monotone.

He moved towards her and wrapped her in a hug. "No more cliff jumping. I don't think my heart can take it."

She nodded and stepped out of his arms.

As she opened the door and went inside, he stomped into the forest towards us.

"Come out bloodsuckers, I know you're there," he jeered.

We came into his line of sight walking towards him slowly. Jasper blanketed the area with his calm, for which I was very grateful, since I was struggling not to obey my instinct to lunge at this young man and rip him apart, despite my heart's desire to thank him instead.

"You must be Jake," I started as way of an introduction. "I'm Esme and this is Jasper and Alice."

"Thank you," Alice told him with deep emotion before I could say anything more.

Raising his eyebrow at her he grunted saying nothing.

"Thank you for keeping an eye on Bella," I told him. "From what she says you've been a good friend to her."

"Well as repayment for your gratitude how about you leave Bella alone?" he challenged me.

"If Bella asked us to leave, we would," I promised him.

He huffed and tightened his arms that had been laying across his chest. Then he looked at Jasper. "You doing that?" he contested.

"The calm you sense?" Jasper asked and probably getting a reply via his gift continued, "Yes, I am."

"Being killing machines aren't enough, you have to have extra stuff to try to stop me," Jake muttered irritatingly.

Unsure about whether or not he meant for us to hear him I said nothing and neither did Alice or Jasper.

"You might have a hard time believing this Jake, but we do care for Bella deeply and we are entirely grateful that you saved her," I told him hoping I sounded enough like Carlisle.

"Yeah, whatever," he grumbled. Then after a pause he straightened up more and looking me squarely told me, "You know, if you really cared about her, you would leave her alone to live her human life instead of pulling her back into your darkness."

Trying to smile politely, I told him, "Like I said, it's Bella's choice."

He said nothing while his face scrunched up.

"Well thank you again. We'll be heading home now," I let him know.

He nodded.

As soon as I saw his gesture I moved towards the house on foot keeping attuned to our surroundings in case he decided to give chase. It seemed entirely unlikely, but I had promised Carlisle I'd take every precaution.

Once we were back in the house, Alice and Jasper retreated to their room presumably to comfort one another and to recover from the events.

I called Carlisle.

"Esme?" he asked upon answering clearly worried.

"Bella went cliff diving, Alice thought the worst, Jacob Black brought her out of the water and to her house, and then Jacob and us three had a chat," I rambled off as close to a human pace as I could muster.

"Everyone is well?" he checked nervous.

"Everyone but Bella. I mean cliff jumping, Carlisle. If he hadn't gone into the water she would have died," I told him sobbing. "I was so stupid to jump off that cliff. I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, love," he cooed. "It's okay."

When I calmed myself enough to speak once more, I told him earnestly, "I need you."

"And I you," he replied. After a brief pause he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

There was no way I could convey what I needed to over the phone. So I replied instead, "One more thing to add to the list when you get here. Bottom line: he asked us to leave and I told him it was up to Bella."

"And you were not harmed in anyway," he checked.

"Jasper took good care of Alice and I," I told him proud of my son. Whether Jasper had meant it or not, his cocktail had kept Alice from running into La Push and violating the treaty.

I could hear him smiling through the phone. "I am glad he is there to protect you."

"He's a good man, Carlisle," I agreed, "but I am ready to be in your arms. The day's events have been too much."

"As soon as I can," he promised.

"What do I do?" I asked him heartbroken. "She almost died by her own decisions. And a cliff, Carlisle. It brings back too many memories. How do I help her?" I asked in sorrow.

"My sweet wife you are already doing it. Be there; give her room to talk. Don't push her. She'll talk when her mind can take it. Forcing her to speak about things when she's not ready would probably not be best for her right now," he recommended.

"Is there nothing more I can do?" I asked my doubt in his advice clear.

"Love her. Your love healed me, it's healed Rosalie, Edward, and is changing Jasper. Hope and faith and love my dear Miss Platt," he told me full of conviction but I could hear the smile and slight teasing in his tone. He was being strong for me, but I could hear underneath it all his own fears and tremblings. As powerful creatures as we were, we were helpless in this situation.

"It doesn't feel like enough," I admitted to him.

"Perfect love casts out fear according to the scriptures. Have faith that your love for her will be enough and hope that she will find the courage to speak about what ails her," he encouraged me.

Smiling I told him knowing that he needed to go, "Thank you for being the best husband I could ask for. I Love you."

"And I you," he replied.

Needing an outlet for all that was swimming through me, I went back to my painting. Not too much later I heard my phone ring.

Upon finding it and opening it up "Evening, Esme," came Bella's voice.

"Good evening Bella. Is it Thursday evening already?" I asked attempting to be playful with her.

She giggled lightly, which warmed me. "Yes, did lose track of your days again?" she asked me teasingly.

"I was lost in painting," I explained trying to follow Carlisle's advice to not push her.

"Might I see your work sometime?" she asked after a lengthily pause.

"I would like that," I let her know. "I'm not sure what you will think though. My subject that I finished before I came back to Forks was you."

"Me?" she asked astonished.

"Yes, you might not like what I painted," I warned her.

"Oh," she muttered her voice lower than usual.

"Just think about it. It's okay if you decide you want to wait until I paint trees or something," I let her know.

She chuckled, but the mirth she had moments ago was gone. "Are you and Alice still coming by tomorrow to pick me up?" she asked after a minute had passed.

"Yes," I answered. "Did your father mention the possibility of driving up to Vancouver and spending the night?" I checked.

"Yes," she answered hesitantly.

"What were your thoughts?" I wondered.

She breathed in and out quiet and distant until she told me, "I don't know if I can survive shopping with Alice that long."

I smiled appreciative of her candour. "Tell you what, pack your passport and a one night bag, and we'll play it by ear. If you're not having a good time, then we'll come back the same day," I promised her.

"I can handle that," she agreed.

"Bella, I know Alice can be pushy. It's easier, at times, just to do things her way. But here's the thing, by not telling her what you need and not expecting her to respect those needs takes away the opportunity she would otherwise have to learn. You have a lot that you could teach her. And I'll keep her in line, so don't worry."

Bella chuckled as if my honesty had disarmed her and then she was silent for a few minutes. "Do you really think I have something to teach Alice?" she asked in a tone that suggested her disbelief.

"You have taught me more than I could ever say. Of course, you have things to teach Alice, you more than anyone perhaps," I encouraged her.

"I'll think about it, Esme," she promised.

"Fair enough. You know you could always make it a part of the grovelling," I suggested playfully.

She chuckled again lighter this time. "I suppose that's an option."

I smiled at hearing her light-hearted. "All right, so we'll be at yours at eight-thirty tomorrow morning. You and Alice will chat first and, depending on the conversation, we'll go to Vancouver."

I heard the smile, but also her nervousness in her voice as she said, "It'll be good to see her."

"Yes, I'm sure it will be. And having Alice grovel a little will do her some good," I encouraged.

"I heard that," Alice said lightly probably from her room.

"Anything else?" I asked Bella.

"No, I don't think so," she replied.

"All right then, see you tomorrow morning," I confirmed.

"Night Esme."

"Sweet dreams, darling," I told her hoping my tone carried how much I cared for her.

Alice shrieked in joy the sound carrying clearly despite the distance between us. She must have been quite exuberant.

"You did hear the grovelling part, Alice?" I checked with her through the floor and walls.

"Yes, Esme," she replied in her 'well obviously' tone.

"I mean it," I reiterated. "Whatever that girl says she needs, that's what we're going to do. We're going to do what is needed to help her heal. None of us can afford for her to jump off more cliffs."

"I know," Alice replied sadly. "Whatever she says she needs," she repeated as if reminding herself.

"Good girl. You and Jasper heading over to hers tonight?"

"Yes," she told me after a second's pause.

A part of me wanted to go with them, but a greater part felt pulled to work on my painting. "Come interrupt me at eight, please?" I requested.

"Sure, no problem," she agreed easily.

I went back to my painting. The one of the Carlisle that I had imagined was still proving to be tricky. He was more nuanced, less ridged than my husband. It was a good kind of challenge. It still wasn't quite there when Alice knocked.

"Thank you, Alice," I let her know.

After entering my room I showered and changed my clothes. I chose not to pack anything bar my passport, since I planned on buying clothes for tomorrow if we stayed.

Alice was in the car bouncing up and down when I got into the driver's seat.

"Alice," I warned.

She sagged some. "I know, I know. Grovel, give her space, let her work through her issues, let her do things her way, don't be too pushy," she told me in quick succession.

I chuckled. "Glad we already had this conversation. Do you need me to repeat it?"

"No," she grumbled.

"Good," I stated firmly. "And I plan on you both sitting in the back unless Bella asks to sit up front."

"Yes, ma'am," she said with a huge grin on her face.

Patting her leg I reassured her, "That's my girl." After a second's pause I asked her, "How was Bella last night?"

"She started out the same as the night before, but Jasper was able to soothe her and she slept without crying out," she told me. "I think he's close to getting the right mix."

"Glad to hear it."

Alice didn't reply her whole body focused on the future.

I said nothing to Alice allowing her this way of coping with her nerves. When we arrived at Bella's house I looked at her one more time sternly in order to calm her down once more.

While I knocked on the door, Alice stared at it. Taking deep long breaths, she appeared to be preparing herself for Bella's arrival.

Bella's footsteps neared, and then she turned the handle before she opened the door.

"Hi, Alice," she breathed.

"Hi, Bella. I missed you," Alice replied. And then Alice slowly and carefully took a step towards Bella and wrapped her arms underneath Bella's holding her gingerly.

Bella looked up to me stunned. After a few minutes she took a step back and Alice let her go.

"Come in," Bella offered.

Stepping inside Bella closed the door behind me.

"It's nice to see you too, Alice," Bella offered as she walked towards the kitchen.

I allowed Alice to follow while I stayed beside the front door to give them some semblance of privacy.

"I'm so sorry," I heard Alice proclaim in a soft tone once they were seated.

"I know Alice," Bella stated sadly.

"I just thought," Alice said and then paused, "I just never imagined," she started again, but then paused once more, "I just," she sputtered, "I messed up all right." Alice said in a defeated tone.

"I thought the rule was to never bet against Alice," I heard Bella say shyly.

"Yeah, well, I was wrong," Alice grumbled.

"I'm sorry I doubted our friendship, Alice." Bella muttered sadly.

It sounded like they both reached across the table.

"I gave you reason to doubt. It was my fault. I should have known better," Alice stated with ire.

"Alice," Bella stated sternly. "You're not God. You're not perfect. You're bound to make mistakes."

"Not usually," she grumbled. There was a pause. I could just imagine Bella's expression. "Well, see, usually," Alice said in an unusually slow human speed, "I can see in advance that I'm going to make a mistake, so I fix it before I really ever make one, understand?"

Bella giggled and then her giggle became a laugh and her laugh became full-body roaring laughter.

Finally when, I suspected, Alice couldn't take it any longer, she asked, "What's so funny?"

"You," deep breath and more laughing, "usually," even more laughing.

It sounded like Alice had crossed her arms and Bella was laughing harder.

Bella's laughter was a delight, so it took great self-control not to join her.

Eventually Bella caught her breath. "Alice, do you have any idea how hard it is to be friends with someone who stops their mistakes _before_ they happen?"

Alice made no sound.

"I love you Alice. I really do, but sometimes you could give a girl a complex. Why don't you stop trying to appear like you don't make mistakes and just allow them to happen?"

"Um, because I don't like making mistakes, Bella," she said sounding highly suspicious like she was concerned for Bella's mental health.

"Nobody likes making mistakes, Alice. No one," Bella punctuated strongly. "And I understand fixing things where people could get hurt or stuff, but Alice sometimes the moments when I've laughed the most was over the stupid things I have done. If you fix it all, you miss the opportunity to laugh at yourself and share your imperfect parts with someone else."

"Humph" was all I heard from Alice.

"I like this fallible Alice better," Bella said with a smile in her tone.

"Even though you got hurt?" Alice checked.

Long minutes passed before Bella admitted, "Well, that part wasn't pleasant, but learning that you make mistakes and that you fix them before they happen would almost be worth it."

"So, I'm I done grovelling?" Alice checked.

"No, I have rules for today," Bella replied her voice wavering nervously.

A smiled spread across my face. I could hear the hesitation from Bella. She was probably scared to hurt her friend's feelings. I was glad, though, that Bella had taken my advice to heart.

There was utter stillness from Alice.

When Bella spoke it sounded stern like how human mothers sometimes speak to their children, but the nervousness could still be heard. "One, you can ask me to try on things, but if I say I don't like it, then that's it, no pleading and no buying it behind my back."

I could only imagine Alice's frown or scowl. Probably both.

"Two, you will give me regular breaks to eat, drink, and do human things. Three, when I say I'm tired and need a break we will stop and rest my feet. Four, Esme gets the final say over how much money you spend on me and it will be my definition of _reasonable_ , so either a few things from top end stops or more things from mid-range stores. Five, if I find a store I like, I can drag _you_ into it and force _you_ to try on things and you will not complain. Deal?"

Alice was silent, I assume checking the future to see if she could get a better deal.

"Deal," Alice acquiesced with little enthusiasm.

"Oh, and Alice, no future searching. We do this without your visions."

"Just for shopping?" she questioned clearly trying to find some wiggle room in this newest requirement.

"No, for the whole time we're together," Bella punctuated her voice growing in strength.

"What if we're in danger?" Alice challenged.

Bella paused. "Wouldn't it just show up then, without you searching?"

"Fine," Alice grumbled in defeat.

"Okay, Esme," Bella came out looking pleased as punch. "I'm ready to go."

"Nice work," I mouthed to Bella.

She beamed.

"Do you have your passport?" I verified.

"Check," she answered with a grin.

"One night bag in case?"

"Check."

"Two partridge and a pear tree?"

She looked at me funny. "Was that a joke, Esme?"

I smiled.

"Wow. Esme told a joke." She shook her head. "Wonders never cease."

Alice and Bella giggled travelling out the door while we got into the car. Both girls got into the back.

"Buckle up, please," I instructed.

"But, Mom," Alice whined and then winked at Bella.

"It's the law," I replied stoically.

She huffed and puffed, but once she was buckled she grinned widely.

"So, Bella, catch me up. What happened at Forks High while I was gone?"

"I don't know," Bella muttered under her breath.

I caught Alice's eye and shook my head no.

"Are you still working at Newton's?" Alice went on as if nothing had happened.

"Yes," Bella stated bluntly.

"Mike still following you around like a lost puppy?" Alice asked teasingly.

Bella grimaced. "Guess so."

"How was jumping from that cliff?" Alice asked nonchalantly.

Bella's mouth dropped open.

"Alice," I scolded at a high fast pitch.

She looked at me in the mirror bewildered. Maybe she used her visions to navigate life even more than I was aware.

"So, what else have you been doing?" Alice asked softer and gentler almost as if she was afraid of her own questions.

"Really Alice?" Bella seethed.

Alice looked at Bella her eyes wide. I could see the temptation increasing on Alice's face. I shook my head no at her.

Alice looked down at her hands sounding so small and remorseful. "Your jumping just came to me. I didn't look, promise."

Bella looked towards me and I nodded my head in confirmation.

Bella's body sagged and she let out a sad sigh.

"I wanted to feel alive, and it looked fun," she admitted after many long awkward minutes passed.

"I thought you were dead," Alice confessed.

Bella moved her hand placing it on top of Alice's. "I'm sorry Alice. It really was just for fun."

"So what other things have you been doing?" Alice asked hopefully remembering my warning about not pushing Bella.

I was proud of Alice. She could be like a dog with a bone when she didn't understand or know something.

"Mostly hanging out in Jake's garage," Bella offered after a few moments.

"Who's Jake?" Alice asked innocently, "Does he go to Forks?"

"Alice none of that," I warned her in our fast murmur.

Alice's shoulder's sagged momentarily, but she said nothing.

"Jake is an old family friend and, no, he lives in La Push," Bella said as if the words were taking her great effort.

"Ah," Alice said as if it didn't matter much, but it was clear that she was grateful for the confirmation. "So, what do you to do in his garage?"

Bella blinked rapidly as if surprised by the question. "Um, mostly he works on some car part and I sit and watch him and we'd just talk about nothing."

"Do anything else exciting?" Alice pressed probably trying to gain more contexts for the snippets of visions she had seen.

"Well," she started and then stopped. After a few seconds she spoke again, "there was this one time," but then stopped once more. Bella looked towards me, but I kept my eyes on the road hoping that doing so would encourage her to speak.

Alice's impatience to have Bella continue was palatable.

"I found some motorbikes and Jake worked on them and we took them riding," Bella suddenly said in a rush.

Alice frowned. "Did you like it?" she asked clearly curios and confused.

Bella seemed to consider her answer. "It was fun for a few times, but then I got hurt and we stopped."

Although my features didn't change, I was pleased at Bella's honesty.

"Any permanent damage?" Alice asked concerned.

"Nope, just a scar here," Bella said while pointing at the scar.

Alice squinted her eyes as if evaluating it carefully. "Did you tell your Dad?" Alice wondered after a minute.

"No, Charlie doesn't know," she said hard. Then her tone softened, "I didn't want to worry him. He already worries over me enough."

"Well Esme worries enough for the whole country," Alice whispered conspiratorially her teasing apparent.

They giggled.

"What about you, Alice, what have you been doing?" Bella asked seemingly uncomfortable.

Then Alice spent the next three hours telling Bella about all that she had learned about her human family, where she had come from, her living relatives, and our plans to assist them monetarily.

"Do you do that a lot?" Bella asked when Alice got to the financial helping piece.

"No, not with one family like this, but generally, yes. Each family member has a charity that we give large sums to. With my skills, let's just say that we have more money than some countries. So, we give a lot away, although this is the first time we've targeted a family like this."

Bella shook her head and Alice went on to explain what we had agreed to and our plans to help them.

We crossed the border, and I insisted that before we carry on that we find Bella something to eat.

Bella wanted to find some place where she could order and we wouldn't need to. She settled on a deli and got herself a sandwich. We found a bench in a covered heated area and chatted while she ate. Her consideration of us, including keeping the smell of food out the car, was extremely thoughtful and kind.

Back in the car Bella asked, "Did you get a new car, Esme?"

"Actually, I did," I answered. "Rosalie makes the recommendations for when to change our vehicles. She suggested I change it at the beginning of year table conference and we all voted with her suggestion. When I arrived in Forks she felt like that was a good time to make the change."

Bella nodded. "Does she do that with everyone's cars?"

"Almost all," I told her. "Alice and Jasper don't have cars. So, she does that for Carlisle, Emmett's, her own, and mine. She hasn't gotten a chance to tweak it yet. She will once she arrives."

There was an unspoken sadness in her eyes and a knowing that I had purposefully not mentioned Edward.

She turned to Alice, "Why don't you have a car?"

Alice shrugged. "I'm not really into cars, and I don't need one. It's faster to run anyway."

"What about when you start school?" she wondered.

She shrugged. "Esme will drive me."

Bella chuckled.

"What?" Alice asked confused.

"You're a senior, Alice. Seniors don't have their moms drive them to school."

Alice huffed. "Well, I'm not getting a car just for three months. Maybe Rose will let me drive her BMW or Emmett his Jeep once they arrive."

"You're shipping the cars across the country?" Bella asked clearly surprised.

"Yeah," Alice responded nonplussed. "With all the modifications Rosalie makes we take them with us, unless, like Esme's we've decided to upgrade it."

"Could you just go and buy a new car?" Bella wanted to know clearly curious.

"Sure, but we try to agree on big purchases," Alice explained as if this were obvious.

Bella's eyes grew. "What's a big purchase?" she finally asked her voice shaking some.

"Oh, I don't know," Alice said nonchalantly, "$10,000 or more. No one ever votes no about those kinds of things, but for tax purposes and paper trails, it's best if we all know about it."

"Uh-huh, sure, makes sense," Bella replied stunned and didn't come out of that state until we came into the outskirts of Vancouver. Fortunately, Alice just kept talking and Bella would nod appropriately.

When Alice, Bella, and I got the mall, we agreed on a time and a place to meet, which Alice didn't fully understand. Bella found it hilarious that Alice had never needed to do that before.

I shopped for some undergarments for daily use and some special occasion ones for when I got to see Carlisle again. Then I went in search for a new shirt or two. I hadn't found any tops yet when I returned to our agreed meeting spot to find Bella and Alice sitting on the bench both not really happy, with Alice swinging her legs impatiently.

"Having fun girls?" I inquired.

"Yes," came from Bella hesitantly but without a smile.

"No," said Alice glumly.

I looked back and forth, but neither seemed to want to tell me what was going on. After asking how much they had already spent, I offered to take the two bags to the car as they decided to try again.

Once I dropped the bags off, I went in search for tops once more. I had found two and a pair of slacks when I saw an advertisement for the musical play Wicked. Calling the number I found out that yes, they did have three available seats for tonight's show in a booth. I bought the tickets and went to find the girls.

As I drew nearer it became clear that Bella really was keeping Alice to the deal and it was frustrating Alice to no end. It really was endearing.

"Girls," I called out to them to let Bella know I was nearby.

Alice and then Bella turned towards me.

"I bought theatre tickets. I thought we could buy a dress each, get gussied up, go to the theatre, and then spend the night."

"I don't know, Esme," Bella hedged reluctantly.

"How could you have not _warned_ me, Esme?" Alice fumed indignant.

"It was a spur of the moment thing, darling," I comforted Alice and turning to Bella, "I'm sure we can find a simple, but elegant dress with pretty flats to go with them. Then we can get some mascara and gloss. It'll be fun."

Both of them looked at me like that would not be their idea of fun.

I scowled at both at them. Using my mothering voice I stated, "We are going and that's that."

Bella quickly resonated to her fate, but Alice kept sulking.

As we entered the third department store's dress section I pulled Alice towards me by wrapping my arm along her shoulder.

"Remember our first shopping trip, Alice. Hope and faith. Open yourself up to new experiences and learn."

She was better after that. I allowed myself to be prodded with dresses until Alice found one in a small dress boutique that she found 'acceptable.'

Once we were at the hotel, I enjoyed getting ready and helping the girls. It wasn't to Alice's usual standards, but that was the point. Alice and Bella were both struggling with my request in their own way and for their own reasons.

"Thank you for accompanying me," I told both girls once we were seated in our booth. "I really do love the theatre."

"You're welcome, Esme," Bella's responded politely.

Alice said nothing her body showing tension.

Throughout Bella had seemed especially caught up in the play, and gushed about it through the entire cab ride back to the hotel room.

I agreed with her that the show was incredibly moving.

"Thank you so much, Esme. I really did love it. It was worth getting dressed up for," Bella admitted.

"You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it," I replied. "New experiences are important for us all. It's how we learn and grow."

"I'm sorry for resisting so much, Esme. You were right," Bella acknowledged. "Even if a few people wore jeans, I felt like I fitted in better in the dress. I'll try to trust your judgement more next time and not put up such a fuss."

Hopefully she also realized that she could experience new and exciting things without risking her life.

"That's okay Bella. I get it," I comforted her. "It was hard for me at first too. Carlisle was very patient with me."

We both had been eying Alice through the show and afterwards, but even now in the hotel room she seemed lost in her thoughts.

"Bella, are you okay if we spent the night?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she told me a grin spreading across her face. "I've had a good time."

"I am glad," I told her earnestly.

It was only after we were in matching sleepwear that Alice had bought did she say more than two words. "You were right, Esme," she said quietly while looking at her hands.

Looking over at her, I waited for her to continue. Bella did the same.

"It was more enjoyable." She paused remaining still. "It's a little disconcerting not to check and make sure everything will go okay. It does take faith that if something were to go wrong, I would be warned and it does take a measure of simply hoping that things will go well, but it was the most exhilarating feeling I've had without Jazz."

Going over, I wrapped her in my arms. "Oh, my sweet girl. I'm so glad. You are such a treasure. I'm so proud of you." I opened my right arm and moved so that I could look at Bella. "Come here. I couldn't have done it without you."

Bella looked at me confused but came and joined us in what became a three-way hug.

As we parted, Alice looked at Bella seriously. "Thank you, Bella. You are a great friend."

"You're welcome?" she replied.

Both Alice and I looked at her with a curious wonder as to why she had made that statement into a question.

She looked back and forth between the two of us.

"I'm not sure what I did," she admitted.

"Oh, you precious girl," I teased. "Your conditions."

Bella still looked confused.

"Your conditions and my desire to go to the theatre helped Alice realize what life could be like if she just lived in the moment."

Bella's face fell open in understanding. "Oh!" She beamed. "You're welcome, then, Alice. Anytime. If you can manage something similar again, I might willingly go shopping with you." She eyes sparkles in amusement.

Alice groaned. "Ugh! I barely lived though it the first time."

"Practise makes perfect," Bella teased wickedly.

"Listen to your wise friend, Alice," I told her playfully.

We had picked up food for Bella before the theatre, but her stomach made sounds, which gave Alice the perfect opportunity to divert the conversation. She grabbed the hotel menu and thrust it into Bella's hands.

"You order; I'll pick a move; and we'll watch it while you eat."

"Just make it a comedy, Alice. No romance."

"No kissing?" Alice pouted.

"Certainly not," Bella stated firmly.

"Fine," Alice grumbled.

Bella ate and fell asleep about halfway through the film. I picked her up and carried her into the bed. She had grabbed hold of my top and I didn't have the heart to pry her finger away, so I lay down in bed with her stroking her hair. Soon afterwards Alice joined me on the bed laying on top of the covers and on the other side of Bella.

"She looks better than the painting," Alice said quietly at our natural speed.

"Better than when I first saw her as well," I agreed matching her tempo.

"Any suffering will be worth it, even shopping like we did today, if it helps make her well."

"I know last minute decisions aren't your most favourite thing, Alice, but I did genuinely do it because I felt certain Bella would like it. Charlie doesn't seem like the type to go to something like that. I just wanted to give her something new."

"I know," she grumbled, "It was worth it to watch Bella watch the production and her enthusiasm afterwards."

"I couldn't have said it better myself."

"What do you think she meant that she jumped from that cliff to feel more alive?" Alice asked after a short pause.

"Maybe after us being in her life she couldn't go back to normal human life?" I replied uncertainly. "I couldn't after meeting Carlisle," I tacked on breathlessly.

"Hmmm," Alice mused after a while adding, "She does seem to like to live on the knife's edge."

"I'd like to think that she was meant to be in our world," I admitted to Alice.

She smiled at me. "Was the theatre a tame way of getting her to live life on the edge?" Alice asked playfully.

"Maybe," I admitted with a smile.

"Then it was worth it," Alice conceited.

We both fell into silence. Lying in the bed with Bella, listening to her human sounds, and thinking about the day and all that our family was learning since December allowed me to see why Edward had enjoyed staying with her at night. It was soothing, even if I didn't sleep.

"It's nice. I can see the appeal," I admitted to Alice.

"As can I," she agreed. "I was thinking about today and Jazz."

"Oh?" I asked hoping she would open up.

"When I first woke up I was so alone, Esme," she said he voice sad and subdued. "I was forced to rely on my visions for everything. By the time I met up with Jasper is was a habit that had simply become a part of how I did things. Since joining the family, I have toned it down some, but the family voting for me to not watch Bella, then you suggesting I not search the future so much has been incredibly difficult, but the rewards have been sweet. It's added wonderful moments between Jasper and I, and then today. It's hard not to search the future for the most ideal outcome when I can," she lamented.

"The same is true for Edward's gift," I told her. "He gets all this information that gives him an advantage, so he never really had to learn the people-reading skills that the rest of the family need. Then he met Bella and he couldn't understand her at all."

Her lips pressed together and her eyebrows formed into a v.

"What I suggested to him, when he was struggling and I have to you, is to find balance. Let go of your gift being the only tool you have, the only thing you know how to rely on. I think life will be richer, and you will be stronger as an individual if you let it be one of many tools."

She smiled sadly. "You make it sound so easy, Esme, but these past months have been gruelling."

"It is because it's new. Once you find balance, I suspect it will come easier."

She nodded in contemplation. After a while she asked, "What about you? What were you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about everything we have learned since December and how much our family is changing." There was silence a long time before I continued. "We will not be the family Edward left when he returns."

"No, we will not," she confirmed. "I don't need visions to tell you that."

"No looking," I warned her. "I'm just wondering if you have any guesses on how that will go."

"If it were right now, I would guess dismembering. In a few weeks? A month? Who knows? We might not even recognize ourselves. Carlisle is still Carlisle, but better, stronger somehow. I can't put words to it, but it's like he shines even brighter and is even more charismatic than he ever was. Rosalie is more willing to compromise, softer. Emmett is gentler, seeing things from the humans' perspectives more. Jasper's control almost rivals Emmett's now that he sees humans as sentient creatures worthy of consideration and protection. And you have become more of the Esme in your tale. Your changes are more nebulous, but no less potent."

"And yours, my darling Alice?" I pressed.

"I am beginning to let go of my need to have everything just so and live in the moment," she admitted. "It's still challenging at times, but it's worth it. It'll be harder to practise under stress. But as Bella reminded me–I just need practise."

"I am so proud of you, Alice," I told her. "I like the woman I see you becoming."

"Thanks," she said bashfully. "That means a lot."

We both went back to our thoughts. I couldn't help but think about everything I had learned since returning to Forks. I desperately needed Carlisle to return as things with Bella were, clearly, much worse than any of us had imagined.

* * *

 _A/N: In the first draft Bella cliff jumping didn't enter Esme's pov, then in the final draft only marginally, but the more I thought about it while I prepared it for posting, the more I realized that in this AU Alice would have seen her jump, and thus Esme would have known. As a result, since most of the beginning of the chapter did not get the kiwihipp once over, please forgive any typing or grammatical errors. Thank you again. You're the best!_


	11. Practice Makes Perfect

**The Cullens meeting up with Maria in Calgary can be found by Jessica314 in her _Outtakes and Oneshots_**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Update 1 Feb 18)

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 **Chapter 11: Practice Makes Perfect  
**

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Bella's breathing and heart rate changed, signalling, I assumed from when she had slept in our home previously, her awakening. She eventually blinked rapidly and opened her eyes. The softness in her gaze slowly turned to confusion as her eyes moved down and she began staring at her hands, which were still clutching my top.

"Sorry," she muttered sleepily as she opened her hands letting my shirt go.

"It was no bother, Bella," I told her. Uncertain of how to proceed and what she might need I asked, "Do you need a shower?"

"That would be great," she replied evenly.

Moving at a human speed to not startle her, I got up and out of her way while she puttered into the bathroom.

Alice called Jasper. Probably their texting through yesterday and especially last night had been insufficient, and they needed the assurance of the other's voice. Certainly they missed each other; I missed Carlisle. It had been Friday early morning since I had last spoken to him, although we had sent occasional texts to one another.

"Breakfast?" I asked Bella when she came out of the bathroom into the bedroom once more.

"Yes, please," she replied without a smile, but she appeared more relaxed.

I handed her the menu and she called in her order to room service. After the phone was placed on the receiver, she looked around appearing a little lost.

"You all right, Bella?" I asked her.

"I should call my Dad," she told me her tone a little vacant.

"Oh, of course. Go ahead," I told her closing the bedroom door behind me giving her the illusion of privacy.

"Thanks," she replied perfunctorily through the door.

"Morning, Dad," she greeted him once the connection had been made.

"Morning, Bells," he responded.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come back in time for the funeral?" she asked concern colouring her tone.

"Yeah, I'm sure," he insisted leaving no room for arguing. "You have a good time with the girls. In fact, I probably won't be home till late. I'm going over to the Clearwater's after." He paused briefly as if his train of thought had changed course. "Actually, I'd rather if you weren't in the house alone."

"What time are you thinking you'll be home, then?" Bella asked her voice quivering.

There was a pause. "I'm not entirely sure," he answered and then shortly after asked tentatively, "What would you think about spending the night at the Cullens?"

Another pause was made, this one longer. "I don't think I can do that," Bella said quietly her voice cracking.

I got Alice's attention and quickly murmured if she would be willing to stay in Vancouver another night. She checked in with Jasper and agreed.

"Of course, Bells. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking," Charlie muttered.

"No problem, Dad," she told him her tone gentle, but there was a strange mix of emotions present that was hard to distinguish.

I took that moment to knock softly and then walk in. "Bella?"

"Hold on Dad," she told him looking over at me.

"I was just thinking that since I took you to the theatre, Alice didn't get to finish her spring shopping like she wanted to do. Do you think Charlie would agree to us staying up here one more night? We could finish Alice's shopping, do some touristy things, and then leisurely drive back to Forks on Sunday."

She had a combined look of surprise, gratitude, dismay, and worry. She turned her attention to the phone. "Dad? Esme just asked if I could stay one more night. Evidently Alice didn't get all her shopping done."

"That might work for the best, if you're okay with it," he agreed easily, sounding relieved.

"Yeah," she stated half-heartedly. "Sounds like that would work best for everybody."

"Thanks, Bells. I've got to get ready."

"All right. Give everyone my condolences," she instructed him.

"Will do," he agreed easily. "Be safe."

"Bye Dad."

"Bye Bells."

Once the phone was back in the cradle she turned to me her expression too mingled for me to understand what she was feeling or thinking.

"Thanks for being so understanding, Bella," I told her. "You're a good friend. Perhaps we can find you a few more things as well."

"As long as she adheres to the conditions," Bella grumbled her face appearing contemplative.

"Maybe we could find a bookstore along the way?" I asked hoping to lighten her mood.

Bella's eyes lit up. "That just might make it bearable."

"Good, it is settled."

Bella chuckled and went to join Alice.

Shortly after Alice got off the phone. While Bella ate breakfast we agreed to a plan for the day including shopping downtown. Alice would get to check out the boutiques, Bella would, we were certain, encounter a bookshop, and I got to tag along.

Other than making sure Bella ate and drank regularly, the day ran seamlessly. Alice seemed to adjust to making times to meet and allowing Bella to lead a little. It was wonderful to watch the transformation in both of them. Not surprisingly, a little after Bella had eaten lunch we had found a bookstore. While Bella perused books, I found a corner and was able to catch Carlisle. We kept it brief, as he was on his rounds, but it was good to hear his voice nonetheless.

After dark and Bella eating dinner, us three girls went ice-skating. Alice and I took turns keeping Bella upright until she got the hang of it. It was great fun, and I enjoyed the feelings of being motherly in a way that I didn't get to do with my other ones. Ultimately I would appreciate not having Bella so fragile, but there was something particularly sweet in having to keep an eye on her and be mindful of her needs.

We came back to the hotel, where Bella made quick use of the bathtub. We repeated the events of the night before including Bella falling asleep midway though the movie.

It was many hours later when Alice asked, "Do you think she'll ever be able to enter our home again?"

"I don't know," I told Alice sullenly. "Already she's improving, so hopefully with time she will. I hope that she will be able to, but if not, it is only three months before graduation. Maybe then, if it's a different house, it will be easier on her."

After a few moments Alice asked, "Do you think we will have taken care of Victoria and Laurent by then?"

"I would hope so, but there's no way to know for sure. We don't know where she is, and now there are newborns living in Seattle. Feels like we're being surrounded by problems, and a part of me just wants to take Bella and run."

A long silence ensued before Alice spoke again. "Given what you shared in Newfoundland, Jasper tells me that Bella will probably be better off and be an easier newborn if we give her time to heal before she is changed. So, waiting seems to be what is best for her and for us, but I often have the same compulsion."

Musing on her words, finally I spoke. "Perhaps fleeing from danger is a part of our nature."

"Hmm," was the only sound that she made. Much later Alice broke the silence that had settled upon us by asking, "Have you tried using your gift again?"

I chuckled. "I don't think it's a gift, Alice. I have painted since."

"The one of Bella was pretty powerful," she commented seemingly insistent on convincing me that I had a gift.

"I've painted Bella as we knew her before we left, one of Bella as one of us, and the two Carlisle's of my youth: the one I knew and the one in my tale."

"No pressure," she assured me. "I just love your work and I think your paintings make a powerful statement, even if I'm not sure what the statement is saying."

Smiling at her answer, I considered that her statement was a reflection of most artist's work. I paused shortly. "Was today any easier?"

After a moment she answered, "Yes, actually. I think that it might just get easier as I practise it more. Thank you for asking."

"You seemed to have a better time of it, so I'm glad to hear that. I really am. And you are welcome."

For the remaining of the night we each kept our own thoughts company us both texting our husbands. Bella woke in a similar way as the day before and went through a similar routine. During Bella's breakfast, Alice requested that we visit one more district. I agreed on the condition that we leave by two in the afternoon.

"Should we get anything for your father, Bella?" I asked.

"No," she answered, but she seemed lost in her thoughts.

"Is everything alright?" I asked her.

"Yes," she stated and then after a second said, "No." After a few more seconds her tone changed once more and she explained, "Well, you see, Harry, Dad's friend died. I was wondering what they might need."

Grateful for her increased honesty I considered how we might be able to help. "Food?" I offered. "That seems to have been customary through the years."

Bella's eyes seemed brighter and softer.

"What about leaving by noon, picking up food along the way, along with some pans, and cooking some dishes at your house?" I offered.

She smiled. "That sounds great, Esme."

"All right then, it's settled."

Charlie came home a little after 6pm, which by then Bella, Alice, and I had two dishes in the oven and two in the process of being finished. Us cooking together had been much more enjoyable than I had imagined, even if Alice was a hopeless cook.

"Smells good in here," Charlie greeted us as he walked in.

"Hands off," Bella commanded smiling at her dad. "They're for the Clearwaters."

"That's really good of you, Bells," Charlie offered to her gently as if unsure how she would respond.

"It was Esme's idea and they both helped," Bella deflected.

"Thanks," Charlie offered gruffly looking between the three of us.

"You pick up a thing or two as a doctor's wife," I offered as an explanation.

"Bet you do," was all Charlie said.

Giving Bella a hug, I told her, "We need to be going. Alice starts back to school tomorrow after all."

Bella chuckled as Alice hugged her. "Thanks for everything. See you in school tomorrow," Alice exclaimed.

"Carlisle in yet?" Charlie asked me as we walked towards the front door.

"No," I answered unable to hide my sadness. "He's still has another week at the old job."

Charlie nodded and said nothing.

"Bye you two. Enjoy your evening," Bella told us as we departed, but she seemed distracted and there was no life in her words.

Charlie opened the door and Alice and I walked to the car.

"That went well," I declared as we drove away.

"Can I check?" Alice begged.

"Not on Bella," I warned her, "since we still haven't voted in agreement about that."

"I remember," she grumbled.

"Go ahead then," I agreed.

Alice stilled for just a moment. "I looked happy with my best friend at school," Alice informed me with a sly look.

"Glad to hear it, Alice." I smiled back.

The next day Alice was once again enrolled and attending Forks High. She seemed genuinely happy to be near Bella.

Jasper had seemingly done nothing but pour over his computer the whole time Alice and I had been gone. He paused briefly upon our return to spend time with Alice. However, once she had left for school, he was back at it.

After a few hours I searched him out, "Found anything helpful?"

"It's not looking good," was his curt reply.

Standing near I waited for him to look up. When he did I asked him, "How are you doing, really?"

"Worried, nervous, frustrated, irritated, determined, puzzled, uncertain, missing Alice, and sad," he stated in a precise clipped tone.

Smiling at him, hoping he understood my bemusement I told him, "Thank you for the report, Major Whitlock. Now," I slowed my voice down, "how are you?"

He looked at me puzzled clearly uncertain of my question.

"Moving back here was the most strategic choice given the variables we knew at the time, but the risk is high," he told me his tone softer and more contemplative. "My instinct is to grab Alice and run, which I am fighting by trying to fully understand what it is that we have just walked into."

"You know," I said with a conspiratorial tone , "Alice and I were just saying on our trip how our instinct is to run from this situation. It is what makes the Volturi unique. They walk into the situations our kind creates that none other would face, and make our world safer. We are choosing to walk into danger out of love. You walked into skirmishes and fought for years. How did you go against your instinct to run then?"

Pondering my question his face fell, "Mostly, I believed Maria's lies. It seemed like I had no better choices and victories meant plentiful blood. So, lies and thirst."

"And now?" I pressed him.

Looking at me, he smiled appreciating my tactic. "Now it is for my love of Alice and my desire to keep this family safe."

Smiling at him, I told him, "Then trust in that. Trust that if you could win the battles with only lies and the promise of blood to motivate you, that your love of Alice and familial ties will triumph."

"What happened to your speeches of hope and faith, Esme?" he teased.

Smiling widely I informed him, "Trust in the unknown is faith, Jasper. I just thought I'd say it a different way for your sake. I am encouraging you to have faith in yourself and in your love and affection for us."

His eyes twinkled and the edges of his lips moved as if he wanted to smile broadly, but he was holding it in. "And they say I'm dangerous," he muttered, but there was a gentle playfulness in his tone.

"Think about it," I ordered him, "And then let the unhelpful emotions go."

Nodding seriously he looked up at me. "You're doing better."

"Yes," I agreed. "Your suggestion that I chat with Carlisle helped a lot, and being here, seeing that our presence has been good for Bella, has been beneficial for me."

"I'm glad for you," he told me his sincerity coming through clearly.

Waiting for him to continue, I said nothing. When he went back to typing I asked, "Was there more you wanted to say, because your tone implied that you hadn't completed your thought?"

"Nothing you don't already know," was his reply.

"Perhaps I need a reminder," I encouraged him.

Turning to me, he looked me steadfastly as he told me, "The emotional tenor between you and Carlisle is not that much different than between newly mated couples. You both are growing and learning one another. Make sure you make your relationship a priority. Us men folk need our women more than we are ever able to admit to ourselves."

"Thank you," I told him genuinely.

"You're welcome," he said softly before turning back to what he was working on.

"I'll leave you to it; let me know if you need anything," I instructed him.

"Will do, Esme," he agreed.

For the rest of the week Jasper and I spoke little to one another, as no conversation was needed and we were both immersed in our work. At night the three of us were outside of Bella's house while Jasper used his gift to help Bella sleep. There were moments when it seemed that Jasper was losing his touch and she would cry out. In these times he would focus more intently, and she would calm shortly after, so I said nothing. Fortunately, we never ran into any shapeshifters, although we would catch a fresh trail at her house every couple of days.

On Alice's first day back to Forks High I had pestered her for a report on Bella.

"It's strange, Esme," she had told me after the basics were complete. "Except for Angela, it's like the other students forget that she's there."

"How can that be?" I had mused.

"Remember Bella saying that she walked through life and didn't remember it?"

"Yes I remember," I had told her.

"It's like she was so successful at it that she might as well not be there."

"Do you think you being there is helping?" I had asked worried.

"Some, but the habits from the other people are unlikely to change," she had hypothesised.

"Well, maybe you can give her what she's lacking from them," I had suggested.

"I'm a miracle worker, but even I might not be able to do that," she had groaned playfully.

Smiling I had encouraged her, "Well, there would be no better candidate."

After that, every day Alice would give me little reports on her making Bella a part of the world campaign.

A few days after Alice started back at Forks High we did another phone family conference with Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie on one end and Alice, Jasper, and me on the other while we pretended that only Carlisle and I were speaking. It was agreed that Edward would go to a music boarding school in Vienna. We discussed and agreed the details for the rest of our belongings and their arrival to Forks, but nothing else could be discussed.

Towards the end of the week, aside from the research Jasper continued to conduct, he spent much of the time Alice was at school scouting the area searching for any new scents. He only ever reported finding shapeshifter stench. Through the week I dropped Alice off at school, and the days Bella didn't work Alice spent a few hours after school at Bella's until Charlie got home.

During the week, I spent a few hours each days making a dish or two for the Clearwaters and then gave them to Bella to pass on, as I figured that more might cause someone to ask unwanted questions. I finished the paintings of Carlisle, although it took me over two days to do so. I often thought of Edward and would find myself in a windowsill watching the trees.

It was Friday, while Alice was still at school, when Jasper came to find me.

"He'll be okay, Esme," he told me without preamble.

I looked up slightly surprised at his words. It was almost as if he was the mind reader.

"I know that in my heart, Jasper. The feeling I had when I lost my little baby threatens me with him gone. That's all."

He stood contemplating something for a long time. When he spoke there was affection and certainty that was a strange combination from him. "Esme, you are a great mother and mate to Carlisle. You make this _family_ into a thriving unit. The time in Ithaca was very difficult primarily because without you everything else stopped being the same. You are the very centre of us."

His words and his tone caused me to ponder if perhaps he was changing more than I had realised.

Looking at him appreciatively, I told him, "Thank you, Jasper"

He nodded in his southern way before he moved just slightly. "Saying that, you need to let Edward go. You can never stop loving him. I can feel your attachment and care mixed with your concern. But he made his choice. He is not an infant. He can take care of himself."

Each sentence felt simultaneously like a blow and that a great weight had been taken from me. The last one gave me a sense of such incredible relief. If Jasper said Edward could take care of himself, then really, I had little to worry about.

Silence stretched between us. When Jasper determined that I was ready to listen again he continued his voice unusually low and tender, "And we need you, Esme. I don't think you realize how much."

Looking at him for a long time, I considered what to say in response. "I appreciate your words, Jasper. You have a lot of wisdom hidden under those southern boyish charms."

He smiled, nodded, and sent to me something like appreciation and attachment as he left the room.

If nothing else was evidence of Jasper's and my changing roles, it was what had just transpired. Jasper had never embraced the role of my son. He smiled good-naturally when I treated him like one of the boys and he had always deferred to me as Carlisle's, the leader of our coven, mate, but this was familial. Not quite a son, maybe something akin to a younger brother. It made his words even more powerful.

Allowing the words to fully enter me, I realized that he was right. Edward had always had a soft spot in my heart. He was the child I loved first after I had awoken to this existence and had just lost my baby boy. Before Bella he was alone. And he always acted like he wore the weight of the world on his shoulders. I had wanted to lessen his burden.

Maybe Jasper's words were a part of my lessons. Jasper was right. Edward wasn't an infant. He had a woman who loved him, and had left her. That had been his choice. I would just have to hope he would return and have faith that he would learn from his lessons. I would offer him my love when he got here. Till then I had five others to look after.

Looking at the tree I imagined their root systems touching each other and that these trees in front of me were capable of being able to connect through their root network all the way to Edward wherever he was in Brazil.

"Tell him that I love him, he will always be loved, and he can return anytime," I asked the tree to convey to my missing son.

The rain fell gently and the wind moved the tree slightly. I took that as an affirmative that my thoughts had been heard and received. I went to find Jasper.

"Tell me everything you've learned," I asked him my tone firm.

"Sure?" he asked measuring me.

This wasn't about me. This was about keeping my family safe, most of all Bella.

"Yes," I told him certain.

In quick succession Jasper ran through everything he had learned and his best guesses about what was going on. I listened until it was time to go pick up Alice, and then he continued when I got back until I was all caught up. I didn't like what I heard, but was grateful that he had been so thorough.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle got in early Sunday. After greeting one another, Carlisle and I left the house. We hunted together, him taking more than I, and we talked about Bella, each of our kids, as well as where the family stood as a whole until he had to return to the house in order for him to start his shift. Carlisle came home Monday and Tuesday nights earlier than he usually would have. We both had agreed that us spending time together was a priority, forcing meeting up with the Quileutes and the conversations regarding plans to protect Bella from Laurent and Victoria to wait. No one objected, them as equally aware of the fact that after our time apart that we needed time as a couple.

We spent the time between those shifts together, often in our bedroom, reconnecting with one another and affirming our bond. Spending so much time apart, after so many changes between us, had not served us. Our years together, despite the changes between us these few months, allowed us to be confident that we would weather the strain the days apart had placed upon us, and hoped that ultimately our bond would be stronger for it.

Monday after Carlisle had left for work, Alice had driven the Jeep to school picking up Bella along the way. Rosalie had spent the day working on my new car with the tweaks and upgrades she wanted, while Emmett and Jasper had gone over strategies. After listening to Jasper and Emmett, I had joined Rosalie in the garage.

"How are you sweetheart?" I had asked her while sitting on a stool in the corner.

"I've never had to close up a house totally like that. I don't envy you," she had told me flatly.

"What about it was hard for you?" I had asked curious.

"Some of it was the sheer number of details. You and Carlisle are the faces of the family to the human world. Having workers turn off the gas, shut off the water, move stuff, and then going to the post office, donating things, making sure each item got into storage or here are not that much by themselves, but to do them while remembering which cover story to tell," she had ranted, "while nosy busybodies ask inappropriate questions, and golly me, even with our expanded brains, I just don't know how you do it."

Keeping a chuckle to myself I had told her, "Rosalie, remember, I managed a house and all those things as a human, and had been doing so for years. My life didn't change that much when I became a vampire."

"Well," she had huffed, "I have greater appreciation for choosing our cover stories if only for your sake. It quickly gets quite complicated."

Smiling I had agreed, "Yes it does." After a pause I had added, "I am glad you've gained an increased appreciation for the role in the family you've chosen, but you know, if you ever wanted more responsibility or to change things, please speak up. Carlisle and I never want you to feel hindered."

"Thanks Mom," she had said softly.

After allowing some time to pass, I had asked again, "So, how are you?"

"Ready to have Victoria dead so we can get on with our life," she had fumed.

With tenderness softly I had reminded her, "Things won't ever go back to the way they were. We have been irrevocably changed."

She had huffed loudly. "I know," she had stated with ire.

"Change isn't inherently bad, Rose. Emmett's arrival was a huge change, but look at all the good that came."

"Yeah," she had agreed softly.

"Change is probably always going to be a challenge to you. Your fear that something bad is going to happen because of changes makes sense, but, darling, being angry at the change doesn't make it easier or make the change go away. Be upset if the change harms someone, and by all means defend someone from harm, but change itself cannot be avoided or fought against. And if we never changed we might become the legends of those who turned to stone."

"Okay," she had agreed softly.

"So, tell me how was it to keep two boys in line in order to keep the timetable," I had instructed in order to change the subject.

"Carlisle wasn't too bad, but Emmett …" she had begun and then had talked for hours. When I had left her to carry out the rest of her modifications she seemed calmer.

Wednesday morning was the first chance I got to corner Emmett. Rosalie was in the garage still working on my car, Alice was at school, and Jasper was on his computer doing some more research.

"I need some help in the garden, Emmett, please," I let him know.

"Sure," he agreed easily.

"We're going to take all the weeds out of the flower bed and hope that the tulips I planted last year have more of a chance of coming up," I instructed him.

"Sure," he accepted and got on his knees.

After some time had passed and we were closer together, I asked him quietly in case he didn't want the others to overhear, "How are you doing Emmett?"

"Not much different than the last time you asked," he informed me quietly. "The whole thing is frustrating. I just want to go and get it done."

"Hmm," passed my lips.

"I get that this is Jasper's area of expertise, but first Edward is the know-it-all who plays the big brother, now it's Jasper. It's irritating," he sulked.

"Uh-huh," I added.

"And he just wants to talk everything though. There's too much we don't know and too many possibilities. You can't control for everything, you know? So why spend so much time trying to. Show up and figure it out as you go. Seems easy enough to me."

"Didn't work out so well with the bear," I pointed out.

"But then everything worked out good in the end," he rebutted.

"That's true," I agreed. "Could you live with yourself if Rosalie was hurt because something happened that you hadn't planned for?"

That must have gotten him thinking because he stopped weeding. Eventually he added, "No, I suppose not."

"Maybe that's how Jasper feels. Because of his background, he carries a responsibility to ensure no one is harmed. Maybe he needs to talk everything through and look at possibilities to calm his nerves and let him have a sense of being prepared."

"Huh," was his reply.

"You're a good brother to listen to him, challenge him, and force him to think in ways that he had believed that he had put behind him when he joined our family."

He grunted but said nothing more. After a few hours he asked me, "You need more of my help, because I had a thought for Jasper?"

Smiling I told him, "No, go ahead, sweetheart, go be a good big brother."

He grinned widely, jumped up, and wiped the mud from his knees spreading it on his pants.

By Wednesday afternoon when Carlisle was set to return the troops were getting antsy. With one look he and I agreed to make the discussion of how to handle Victoria and Laurent the priority. Each person shared what he or she already knew making sure we all were on the same page, and voted on what to do next.

"We need more clarity," Jasper stated firmly as the sun began to rise. "Battles and wars are not won with faulty information."

"I just don't see why we should go down to Seattle and sneak around," was Emmett's retort.

They had been going around and around about the specifics, but basically their ideas boiled down to these two different perspectives. Rosalie sat back and said little. Alice was waiting for a decision so she could check. Carlisle and I were listening. In so many ways the conversation was qualitatively different than how it had gone in years past when it had included Edward.

Edward, probably due to his gift, had often been impatient to allow Emmett and Jasper to debate like this. He would speak both points and then argue his preference. Sometimes that caused Emmett and Jasper to gang up on him, but in comparison to watching them now I could say that Edward had sped up the process. Nonetheless, I couldn't help but wonder what Emmett and Jasper might have lost in lessons and relationship formation with Edward adding his two-cents.

Carlisle let them at it until it was obvious that they were at a deadlock.

"Jasper's got a good point, Emmett. The information we have at this point shows that the deaths in Seattle are escalating and Jasper's research indicates that it's vampires, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we're dealing with Victoria and Laurent. We are not the Volturi. It is not our responsibility to enforce the rules. If it's not Victoria and Laurent and we're responsible for their deaths, there could be serious repercussions to our family.

"Therefore, how about you three leave in a few hours and go down to Seattle. While the sun is up see if you can find where they are located while they are likely to be in hiding. If you find Victoria, you have my vote to end her, if you can do so without repercussions to yourselves and the family. If you find Laurent, please ask questions first, for Irina and the Denalis sake. Otherwise you come back, relay the information you gathered and we'll decide what do to next."

"I would like to join you," I interjected.

They all turned to me in surprise.

"Esme," Jasper said cautiously as if concerned on how I might react to his words, "I don't think that's a good idea at the moment. If one of them caught your scent lingering near Bella's, and then caught it with the four of use, then it might give them more information about us than we want them to have, and potentially put Bella at risk."

Carlisle looked relieved.

I dropped my head, "Oh. All right. That makes sense."

Jasper sent me an emotion that felt like being soothed.

Smiling in gratitude to him, the conversation continued with Jasper and my exchange unknown by others. It dawned on me that Jasper had taken to communicating with me using his gift more than in the past. Was it due to Edward not being here? Was it the change in our relationship? Or was it some combination of the two? I wondered if that was a conversation perhaps best had with Alice.

"Are we agreed?" asked Carlisle when it seemed like the conversation was drawing to a close.

"Yes," we all said.

"Esme's request brought up another thing," Jasper added.

We all looked at him curiously.

"I think starting Friday, once everyone is home, I would like to do some training in the field. Perhaps we could go after our meeting with the Quiluetes?"

We all nodded our heads in agreement.

The plan to Seattle was finalized. Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie were going to concentrate their searching Seattle based on death rates. Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie agreed to keep patrolling the area once they were back in pairs at least, and we all agreed that at least Alice and Jasper should keep an eye on Bella at night with Jasper helping her sleep for the time being. Everything else we needed to discuss wasn't broached as those topics had taken the entire night.

I gave Rosalie a hug as they headed out. "Be safe, Rose."

"Don't worry," she told me assuredly. "I'll keep these cowboys in line."

"Stay out of trouble, Emmett," I warned him as they left.

Jasper and I exchanged a glance, but no words were needed. He was a trained military officer. He'd bring them home.

Even though Alice had seen it going fine, she sat watching Jasper until she had to go to school.

I began to imagine what it would be like if the six of us would have to face Victoria. I thought about Jasper's hunches that there might be up to nine newborn vampires in the city. I tried to imagine our family verses that number. We had never had to stand as a family without Edward. I tried to imagine what our meeting Maria in Calgary would have looked like without Edward or even when we had hunted James. He gave us an important advantage. Would we be strong enough without him? After a while, I felt the need to paint was I was feeling.

Alice had returned home from school, but comforting her had been fruitless. She had been lost in her visions, no doubt keeping a close eye on Jasper, so after a few minutes I had returned to my painting. I stopped, however, when I heard the Jeep in the distance. Carlisle was still at work. Wanting to be near them, I put my paints away, and went down to joined them in the living room. Jasper and Alice were snuggled together on a couch while Rosalie and Emmett were spread out on another.

"Anyone hurt?" I asked looking at Jasper once I entered the room.

"Not a scratch," was his curt reply. "Should we wait for Carlisle?" he asked me his voice softening.

"Depends on how many times you want to tell the story," I answered.

"He'll be home in 72 minutes," supplied Alice.

"Let's wait," Jasper determined.

"How's Bella?" I asked Alice to help pass the time as I sat down.

"Still not her regular self, but every day she seems more there. We started applying for colleges. She seems to be leaning on a state school, since it would be cheaper for her Dad. I suggested a Cullen scholarship, but she scoffed at me. I'm trying to convince her to look at schools further away. She did mention that she liked the idea of going to the same university as us all. We'll see. She's so darn stubborn." She said this last sentence in irritation and with a tone of defeat.

The edges of Jasper's lip rose.

"I blame you," Alice scoffed.

"Me?" I asked appearing innocent. After a moment I questioned, "How did she take the news of Edward's cover story?"

Alice frowned as she told me, "Her breathing stopped and her body did some weird thing I didn't understand and her eyes moistened, but she nodded, thanked me, and then changed the subject."

I nodded. "Yes, I suppose at this point that was the most we could hope for." After a moment I asked, "How about at school? Is she interacting with the other humans more?"

"Yes," she replied. "She and Angela, and thus by extension Ben, talk and interact. Angela seems genuinely concerned about Bella and glad to see her coming back into herself."

"That's good. We could confirm with Carlisle, but that seems to me like good progress for a little more than two weeks. It would appear, then, our presence is helping her."

Although Rosalie was appearing totally nonplussed, she was actually paying our conversation a lot of attention. I wondered why that was.

"How about her friendship with Jake?" I asked.

All four of them bristled at his name.

"From what I can tell she didn't spend any time during the week with him." Alice's relief was palatable. "She might see him this weekend, but she said she's working, so hopefully not. If I could _look_ then I'd have more than guesses," she was nearly hissing at me by the end.

I gazed at her full of love and compassion for her struggle. "I know it's hard. I can appreciate that must be made harder by the fact that everyone but Carlisle and I have agreed for you to be able to search for her future. I promise you dear that we are still talking about it and when we are in agreement, you will be the first to know."

She smiled sadly but nodded in acquiescence. She nuzzled into Jasper's chest. I always admired how sweetly non-human they could be with one another. Rosalie and Emmett as well as Carlisle and I would probably never be like that, especially around the others. I inwardly smiled at how the last time Carlisle and I had spoken about Alice searching Bella's future Carlisle was being persuaded by the arguments of our children.

"I'm just saying Esme, not that I entirely agree, nevertheless, I do think that they have a point. Emmett is correct that we've already disregarded the decision we had all made when we left Forks to stay away from Bella. And Jasper is correct that Alice seeing Bella in this way will give us a strategic advantage. Not to mention that we are outnumbered four to two. They could out vote us," he had pointed out slightly concerned.

I had smiled sweetly. "Yes, they could. And yes, both Emmett and Jasper are correct in their assessments. But we are not a coven. We are a family. Rosalie's words in Newfoundland about who we are becoming as a unit are still salient. Alice is in the process of learning to not rely on her gift so much. It's important, for right now, for her to have a person in her life that she must be in the moment with. It's good for her. My answer is no. Yes, it's strategically better for a coven, but it's not what's best for either of my daughters as individuals or their relationship that they are just beginning to build. I think Bella needs to feel like she's on a more even playing field with Alice and this helps with that."

Carlisle had sighed deeply.

I had smiled at how human the expression of his frustration and resignation was.

He had looked at me and had smiled with his I love how wise you are smile. "You are correct, as usual. Unless the risk to our family becomes too great?"

"Of course," I had agreed easily.

He had kissed me and we had turned to other subjects.

The sound of Carlisle's car turning into our drive brought me out of my thought.

After parking the car, Carlisle came into the house, kissed me, and settled in next to me on the couch.

"We decided to wait for you to hear their report," I let Carlisle know.

"Please proceed," he told Jasper.

It had to be serious since Emmett wasn't cracking jokes, but was instead holding Rosalie in his lap and running his hands down her arms.

"We rented a car on the outskirts of the city like we had agreed. We parked it at the airport and then travelled by foot. We started east of SeaTac near some of the more shady motels. After searching further east and heading north by less than a mile we came across an abandoned storefront that had possibly nine distinct scents circling in the air around it. We found a rooftop not too far away and stayed there until it was an hour before dusk listening in and acquiring as much information at that distance that we could. Once our time was up, we travelled back primarily by rooftop and then walked to the airport. We returned to the car, deposited it back at the rental company, and drove home without interacting with any of them."

"Any chance that you were followed?" Carlisle asked.

"Not that we could tell," Jasper reported.

Carlisle had his look indicating that he was thinking.

Something in Carlisle's emotions must have told Jasper something, because he unexpectedly looked sternly at Carlisle. "They're newborns. I'm sure of it."

"We could hear them tearing at each other's flesh," Rosalie admitted quietly. Then she shuddered. "I had no idea," she started and then stopped her eyes lost in her memories.

We all gave her the time she needed.

After a few moments she spoke again, "I couldn't have imagined," but then stopped once more.

Jasper must have sent her some emotion, because she looked at him and smiled in thanks while Emmett looked puzzled.

Jasper looked at Rosalie softly and simply stated, "They are wild." Then he turned to Carlisle again. "There was one who seemed to be trying to keep them reined in, but it was temporarily effective. He mostly made threats about them being destroyed by _her_ , although he never specified who she was. The climate was mostly bloodlust, anger, frustration, restlessness, fear, and confusion with some hesitancy and suspicion. Typical for untrained and unrestrained newborns."

Carlisle was statuesque, a rarity for him, with a look of being deep in thought calculating, no doubt, what this meant.

We allowed him the time to think through what had been said. The other couples snuggled into each other while I watched to see how he might need me.

He came to after about ten minutes had passed. "Do you think this is Victoria's or Laurent's doing?" he asked Jasper. "In our assessment after the fight with James, both you and Edward stated that there didn't seem to be much of a bond between her and James, and Laurent, well ..."

"I also said that allowing them to live was dangerous and unwise," he pointed out. "Just the fact that we killed their coven member made them a risk to us."

"It makes no sense to take such a risk," Carlisle mused.

"I may have underestimated their bonds," Jasper admitted looking upset. "Could Edward's and my conclusions be part of a gift? We are lacking critical information. Thus, although it could be Victoria or Laurent that created the newborns, we came across nothing that would confirm such a hypothesis. The newborns' scents carry similar qualities to Victoria's, but that's not enough to say anything definitive.

"And you're right; the creation of newborns is reckless on one hand. Whoever is doing this is likely to attract the attention of the Volturi. If I can read the coroner's reports, so can they. On the other hand, if it is Victoria or Laurent and their intention is to harm our family, then there is a sort of twisted logic. They must know that they cannot take us on just themselves, as we are likely to kill them, unless Laurent thinks that him spending time with the Denalis will give him some sort of clemency, and is using them to weaken us." He paused lost in thought for a second. "Either way, given our numbers, by creating newborns they can use them as cannon fodder to bring us down. If the Volturi do come, they can tell them that a human knows about vampires, and that we kept Bella as a pet. Either way they can be rest assured of our destruction."

"But that's a suicide mission," I blurted out.

"Maria's war often seemed like a suicide mission, but it was her way of living," Jasper told me gently.

Shaking my head, I realized that I would never fully understand the world that Jasper had come from.

Emmett was growling, Rosalie was hissing, and Alice had wrapped herself even further into Jasper's arms.

"Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"She's too flighty. I never could get a clear read of her, and I don't like watching her feed. It's possible."

"Emmett?" Carlisle nudged.

"Look Pop, I know you don't like killing. I was there when you were crazy enough and brave enough to offer a treaty to a pack of shapeshifters. I know how much you treasure life and how much I let you down each time I slipped."

Carlisle went to object, but Emmett put up his hand stopping him.

"You're compassionate and gentle and kind. Instead of seeing the number of humans I've killed, you see my struggle and every day that I haven't ended a human's life. So, please hear me when I tell you that these creatures that we observed are the modern version of the wraiths of your sewers," he said his tone deep and passionate.

Other than when he has said his vows I was hard pressed to find other instances of him speaking in such a way.

"They are the worst of the worst. They are young and arrogant and haughty and believe themselves superior. If that were not enough, they are defiant and entitled. I don't tell you lightly that they deserve to be ended and the humans they are no doubt torturing deserve to be defended. We need to do something. Bottom line for me: it's us or them at this point. But also Pop, they are the very thing you lost your human life to, that you tried to rid the planet of."

Carlisle watched Emmett carefully evaluating him. Their relationship was very different from Carlisle and Edward's, but Carlisle meant a lot to Emmett and he respected him immensely. Nothing was said between them, but eventually Carlisle moved his chin down indicating that he had heard Emmett.

Then he turned slightly. "Rosalie?"

She shuddered again. "I know how you feel about killing, Carlisle, but those _creatures_ weren't to be reasoned with. They were feral. With their numbers," she paused momentary before continuing, "I'm not a strategist. I'm not Jasper, but I think ending them would be a mercy. Merciful to them and to the random humans that they are feeding on."

Carlisle looked at me.

"Our first priority is the safety of our family, then to humans, and then to honouring our treaty."

Carlisle's shoulders sagged, but he looked determined. "In that case, go ahead and create some possible scenarios, Jasper. Let us not be hasty, however correct in your assessment you might be, and paint them all with the same brush. Let us at least leave open the possibility that one or two might not be like the rest."

Jasper nodded that he would do as Carlisle requested even if he vehemently disagreed.

After barely a pause Carlisle continued, "Esme raised a valid point about the treaty. We're scheduled to meet up with the Quileutes tomorrow tonight. What would your views be on telling the Quileutes what we know about the threat?" he asked generally and then turned to Jasper.

"I'd rather say nothing. We cannot predict what they would do with the information," Jasper replied briskly obviously already had given thought about this.

Carlisle looked at Alice.

"I can't see an outcome."

"I still want your opinion," Carlisle pressed her.

"I could see the possibility of the numbers working in our favour." She frowned. "Assuming that they wouldn't take a chunk out of us in the process."

Carlisle nodded at her, waited a second to see if she had more to add, and then looked at Rosalie.

"Added muscle wouldn't hurt, but their stench is foul and they're young. They would be untrained and arrogant."

"Nah, we don't need any added muscle. I got enough here," Emmett joked without Carlisle's prompting him. "I'd hate to need to watch my back or cover for them. We can take these newborns. We've got Jasper after all, the greatest Southern warrior to survive." Then Emmett laughed mightily at his own joke.

It was infectious. We chuckled with him.

"Esme?" Carlisle asked.

"We should tell them, but I think we should share only enough for them to prepare in case they need to protect their lands."

He pondered our input and then turned to Jasper, "If I were to warn them, would you object?"

Jasper pondered that for a few minutes. "There's a risk, but if it could strengthen our ties so that they could assist if necessary, and kept the information minimal, it would be worth it," he stated. "If nothing else, it would give us a good read on where they stand so we can plan accordingly."

"Any objections, then, to inform them of the numbers and possible affiliation with Victoria and Laurent?"

No one objected.

"How is Bella sleeping?" Carlisle asked Jasper.

"Fittfully," he replied. "Just about the time I've get the right cocktail she ups the anty. I can't tell if my gift is helping her process whatever is causing her nightmares or if it's just making it worse."

"But she is sleeping more?" Carlisle checked.

"Yes," was Jasper's curt reply.

"And Bella does look better," Alice added. "Jazz is frustrated that she continues to out manoeuvre him at times, in her sleep at that," she paused looking lovingly into his eyes and something passing between them, "but at school each day she's better. Her eyes are clearer, she it seems like her memory is returning to how it was before we left, she seems to be more present, and is looking less deathly."

"Would it be bothersome to you for you to continue assisting her at night?" Carlisle asked Jasper.

"It's the least that I owe her for trying to take a nip," he answered stoically, but his shoulders had sagged.

Carlisle studied Jasper. Presumably seeing what he needed he asked Alice, Jasper, and I "Any ideas about what her dreams entail?"

"When she said 'Don't leave me,' that first night it was almost as if she was running after someone, and she screamed 'Edward'. A few times she has muttered something that sounds like 'not good enough' but I can't say for sure," Alice reported before turning to me.

"I don't know humans well enough or Bella well enough to add anything helpful," I told them.

"Does this have anything to do with her cliff diving," Emmett asked concerned.

Presumably Carlisle had told Emmett and Rosalie about that since we hadn't had a chance to discuss it fully as a family yet.

We all looked at him in curiosity.

"What?" he asked defensively. "Bella isn't sleeping right, not eating enough, seemed to have gotten through the last months while being out of it, rode a motorcycle, and then jumped off a cliff. I'm just trying to connect the dots." Then he crossed his arms and pouted like we had ganged up on him.

Then one by one we all, bar Rosalie, looked at Carlisle expectantly.

He sighed before beginning, "I took a look at her file. She was prescribed a sleeping aid, but that doesn't mean she's taking it. The report stated that she was found in a catatonic state the day Edward and I left. According to Bella she jumped off the cliff to feel alive. Perhaps the catatonia that she experienced has left lingering affects to her mood and emotional state." Then he looked at Jasper.

"The few times that we've gotten there before she has fallen asleep her feelings are unpleasant. Her pain, heartache, sense of unworthiness, and fear would cripple anyone."

"I think Rosalie's correct. I think that Edward told her something that has deeply affected her," I put in.

"Is there anything we can do?" Alice pleaded with Carlisle.

"Truthfully Alice what she needs is proper nutrition, good sleep, and someone to speak to about what's troubling her. We are attempting to provide all three. For now continue to do those things and we shall see."

Our gloomy expressions made it clear that we didn't like how powerless we were to improve things more quickly.

"Jasper, could you have some tentative plans by six a.m. I need to leave by seven-thirty."

"Sure, Carlisle," Jasper affirmed.

"Thank you. Anything else?" Carlisle asked us all.

We all shook our heads in the negative.

Carlisle rose most likely heading to his office.

"Rosalie?" I asked softly.

She looked up at me.

"You haven't had a chance to get some new things for the spring. I was hoping to take you tomorrow up to Victoria or, if you'd rather, we could go to Vancouver."

She paused for a moment. "Victoria sounds good."

"Let's leave here at nine. The ferry leaves Port Angeles at ten-thirty."

"Sure, Mom."

I turned to Alice. "Do you need us to drop you off at school?"

"No, I'll take the Jeep, if Emmett can spare it."

He smiled widely. "It's all yours."

She grinned at him. "Thanks."

"Anytime sis."

The whole meeting I had tried to keep my terror their report had conjured tempered down for Jasper's sake, but as I rose to find Carlisle I couldn't help the feeling of ominous dread that threatened to consume me as if our lives had already been counted forfeit.

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 _A/N: I have to give kiwihipp an extra shout out for reading Chapter 10 after I had posted it and pointing out my errors. Hope you enjoyed. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.  
_


	12. Protecting What You Love

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 25 Feb 18)

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 **Chapter 12: Protecting What You Love  
**

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As I walked into Carlisle's office, he looked up at me asking, "What may I do for you, my darling Miss Platt?" as if he knew, without me having to say, that I needed his wisdom.

The way his eyes shone with adoration even after all these years was thrilling, and spoke to me in the depth of my being. We had gone through so much as a couple these past months that a part of me wanted to answer that I needed to go back to Newfoundland and have him all to myself. Holding his gaz,e I had to believe that our love and faith would get us through what lay ahead, and that perhaps, even sometime in the future, things could be calm enough for us to go the island he had purchased for me, bask in the sun, worship each other, and just be. It was a wonderful fantasy, but not the reason I had come into his office.

"I was hoping I could use some of your centuries long knowledge of humans," I said in a teasing manner.

"Bella?" he asked sadly.

"Yes," I agreed while exhaling slightly in a very human expression of my frustration. I didn't have Jasper's gift, or Alice's, but helping Bella was something I might have a chance of influencing."I want to spend more time with her, but I'm not sure how long is appropriate to go between visits. I also do not know what to do with her, since she is hesitant to come to our home. Can you advise me, oh dear doctor?" By the end I was smiling, enjoying being playful with him in the mist of the seriousness of my inquiry.

"Call her and ask her regarding the frequency of visiting. As far as I have ever seen, there's no set rule. Every human is different. Some talk to their loved ones and friends every day they are in the hospital while others don't at all. It appears to be personal preference and the strength of the bond. The other is trickier, since Edward always said that she was reluctant to accept gifts. Taking her out to coffee might work. I often hear the staff saying that to one another. Too bad you can't just ask Alice what she would agree to," he teased me.

"Yes, too bad," I playfully sulked, but I doubt he missed the fear in my eyes. "Do you have a few hours to spare, Dr Cullen?"

"Always for you, Miss Platt," he replied as I saw fear in his eyes.

"Let's go run for a bit," I suggested softly offering my hand.

He nodded. Hands joined together we left the house through the window in his study, and found some trees in which to sit in, while we talked about our children.

"I am afraid, Carlisle," I admitted after we had talked through the semantics of things.

He pondered for a moment before telling me, "I have this incredible woman in my life who keeps insisting that the answer is hope and faith."

"With our lives?" I checked my fear coating my words.

"Is there another way?" he asked sorrowful and scared.

Looking out at the forest, I contemplated the reality of his statement. What would my hope and faith mean if it didn't include our lives? I could choose fear to be my primary emotion or I could choose hope and faith.

"Wasn't it love casts out fear or something like that?" I asked him trying to hold onto something to combat my urge to run.

"Something like that," he nuzzled into me a smile filling his face.

"I'm struggling, Carlisle," I admitted after silence had enveloped us.

"So am I," he confessed. "Even with your tale. I understand it. In my mind it is clear, but the living it is challenging. For all these years, I have seen myself as a man of reason. Your imaginings forced me to look at what I had lost from not following my heart, from not listening to the heart of the matter. Now I am filled with the full strength of feelings I cannot even name." Long minutes passed before he continued, "I don't want to lose anyone, either, Esme. I can't imagine life without even one of them. But we are here to make amends for my mistake of listening to my fears instead of me having faith. I am only sorry that my lessons are costing this family so much."

I snuggled up into him at a loss for words that might comfort him.

"I can tell you the words, Esme. But I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge that I'm struggling to put it into practice. Everything inside of me tells me to take my family and run to safety. I ran to keep you human; I ran with Edward to keep him and humans safe; when there has been a slip, my first response is to run. Perhaps it is the fight or flight response from our humans years exaggerated. Jasper and Emmett seem to respond by wanting to fight and Edward and I respond by flight. I cannot say for sure, but what is clear to me now is that running would be the wrong thing to do in this case, for the people in Seattle, for the Quileutes, for Bella's future, and for the lessons being taught to us. In my head, I know this. I have no doubt, but letting my heart lead and having faith are new concepts to me. I promise you, though, my darling beloved, that I am working on it."

I allowed his words to wash over me and strengthen me. We were afraid, but we would do the right thing, even if it cost us everything. And we would do it together. It went against my sense of self-preservation, but it was the right thing to do.

"Carlisle?" I asked timidly.

"Yes, my love?" he replied encouraging me in his tone.

"Have you thought about changing Bella?"

His body folded onto mine. "Yes, I intend to speak with her about the matter when she's stronger emotionally."

Turning my face up to his, I kissed him with all my strength. "Thank you," I said my voice full of joy, love, and compassion knowing that this was a great concession on his part considering his beliefs. "You are the good husband and father," I told him in hopes that he would see his strengths in this choice rather than the costs that he might dwell upon.

He smiled sadly and brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it.

We stayed out in the forest till he needed to get back. He still wanted to write in his journal before he left for the day. I didn't get a chance to show him my paintings, but there was always tomorrow.

Changing my clothes, I went and sat listening to Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice exchange ideas of how to get the information necessary on the unwelcomed coven in Seattle, while making sure everyone in our family walked away in one piece.

Carlisle came down at six and listened to what they had come up with so far.

"Work on how to get the information we need without exposure of our involvement," was his marching orders before he left for work.

As he walked out the door, the four kids all watched him leave as if he had never left before.

"What kind of mojo did you work on him?" Jasper asked me surprised, which seemed to shake them out of whatever shock they had been in.

I looked at him confused at his question.

Jasper just shook his head.

"About time," was all that Rosalie muttered.

Emmett smirked and Alice beamed, then they all started working on Carlisle's instructions.

Certainly, he had sounded the least diplomatic in that moment than he had ever been, but his words hadn't surprised me. He knew information retrieval wasn't his expertise and he was doing what he always did: trusting in the expertise of others. It was one of the things that made him a good leader. Wasn't it? What stopped me from dismissing it outright was Jasper's comment, which had suggested that there was something emotionally going along with Carlisle's words and tone that had caught Jasper by surprise. I would have to ask Carlisle about it when he got home.

Not long after Alice headed off to school, Rosalie went to change, and we left to go shopping. We settled into a nice chat about her and Emmett's travels.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked her after we were off the ferry, as I caught her in another moment of being lost in thought.

After a few minutes she turned to me. "It was awful, Esme, the worst kind of predatory behaviour. It was reminiscent of Royce's gang actually, the brutality, the top dog making the rules, while the peons fight each other for scraps, all of it, only worse somehow. I have never been as grateful to be a Cullen. There are many days that I curse Royce and am angry at what Carlisle made me into, but strangely enough, as each hour of hearing those brutes passed I became more and more appreciative that it _was_ Carlisle who found me and not some other foul creature who wanted me for a meal or worse."

Pulling over into the shoulder and bring the car to a standstill, I pulled her into my arms. "Oh, honey. I cannot imagine."

We stayed like that for quite a while until I felt Rosalie begin to retreat from me. I moved back slightly keeping my hands on her arms.

"Strange as this might sound," she whispered as if it pained her to utter the words, "it gave me perspective and made me think about what you said when you shared your tale. I began to realize that when Carlisle bit me he did what he thought was best. He might have been wrong, but he held no ill intent. He has treated me kindly, even when I haven't been kind to him, he taught me his ways, has kept me safe, and changed Emmett for me." She smiled at the last part tenderly. Straightening her features she continued, "my life isn't what I thought it would be, but then whose is? I have Emmett. I have a safe, warm, loving home. Things could be much worse. I could have been one of _them."_ Then lowering her voice so that I almost didn't hear the words it sounded like she said, "How did Jazz survive, and not turn out to be a true creature of nightmares?"

Ignoring her comment about Jasper, since I had often wondered the same thing, I looked at her earnestly and told her, "Rose, you _are_ blessed. But being blessed doesn't make your life easy. Then again, life isn't easy. Even if you had gotten what you imagined in your human life, it might have made you unhappy. There's no way to know. I lived for years with a man who believed me to be his property. Who is to say if marrying Royce wouldn't have made your life worse?"

She hung her head no doubt remembering past times when I had said something similar.

"We can't live our life in the sorrow of what might have been," I told her.

Perhaps this time my words would get through to her.

"How did you think I could have forgiven Carlisle for leaving me at sixteen without letting go of the past and seeing his intentions?"

My eyes dropped as I felt the hurt over his choice surface, however slight.

"Oh, Esme, I never thought about that," Rosalie told me sounding truly apologetic.

Withdrawing from her and straightening up, I started back up the car. "It's okay, Rose. I can sympathise with the desire to hold onto the anger. But, maybe, enough time has gone by for you to let it go. Maybe, in this case, change would be for the better."

She seemed reluctant to accept my words.

"Truly Rose," I reiterated. "I forgive and move on because I choose to focus my emotions and attention on what I do have and protect it fiercely." Pausing I decided she needed some encouragement, as she appeared out of the corner of my eye unusually withdrawn. Turning towards her with absolute certainty, I told her, "You are a strong fighter, Rose, stronger than me in many ways. Let it go as much as you are able and cling to the gifts you have been given. We'll get through this together as a family. We have each other. That is what we have and they don't."

She nodded saying nothing. We travelled the rest of the way in silence as she seemed to need to have some time to think.

When we arrived at the mall we focused on clothes and shoes all remnants of our previous conversation gone.

The day was a success. Rosalie found some items she wanted, and was able to garnish the attention from all the gawkers at the mall. Since her awakening, it had seemed that she needed strangers' attention to remind herself of her strength. Best of all, we had enjoyed each other's company. As we headed back to Forks she chattered on about what she had done to my car, its pros and cons, why she had chosen this model and brand, and what she thought she might study this upcoming year at college when suddenly she halted her jabbering.

"What about Bella?" she asked as if deep in thought.

"What about her, Rosalie?" I asked cautiously unsure of where her mind was.

"Should she know about the army possibly created for her destruction?" she asked slowly as if she wasn't sure of even the question.

While seriously considering was she had voiced, I grew upset with myself that the possibility of telling Bella had never crossed my mind previously. In fairness, Rosalie had a point, even if her frankness might have left something to be desired. It also highlighted to me how I saw Bella as needing protection in a way that Rose didn't.

"What would you want if you were in her shoes?" I asked hoping her answer would help me clarify my conflicted and tangled thoughts.

Rosalie paused seemingly in deep reflection before she answered. "I would have wanted to know that there were monsters hidden waiting to strike, and that everything wasn't as fine as it appeared." Then her voice dropped. "I would have wanted to know the truth rather than to live my life in ignorance."

I suspected that her answer had much more to do with her past, rather than Bella's present. She remembered her human life far better than I did. Would I have wanted to know that behind the charms of Charles lay a monster who would beat me black and blue?

"I would have wanted to know as well, even if it never changed anything. I would have wanted to be warned," I concluded voicing my support.

Rosalie nodded affirmatively.

Miles passed in silence as we both were lost our own musings. Upon exiting Port Angeles I collected my thoughts and turned towards her, "Like you, Rose, Bella doesn't like to feel weak. In this situation there's nothing she can do but trust us to take care of it. That will be a challenge for her."

She briefly paused before retorting, "Harder than being left in the dark and perhaps finding out later you were lied to for your own good?" She was nearly snarling by the end.

"No, not at all," I told her soothingly while I put a hand on her arm to help calm her reaction. "I simply wish things were different. That is all."

"Well, if I had known the redhead was going to be such a menace, I would have made a better effort to get rid of her," she growled frustrated.

I tightened my grip slightly while reminding her, "We did our best. We couldn't have known."

"Yeah," she huffed the fire in her retreating. "I know. Still makes me mad," she admitted sounding downcast.

"Me too, Rose. Me too. That's why I want to learn to fight better, so if there's ever a next time, you and me could take on whoever dares threaten our family."

She smiled menacingly. "Yes, we will."

"However will we convince the boys and Alice?" I asked her curious if she had a plan.

"Leave it to me," she insisted.

"I can't wait," I replied in truth. Rosalie was a force to be reckoned with as much if not more so than any of the others when she wanted to be. She just usually chose to stay on the sidelines throwing in her two cents when it suited her. Clearly this mattered to her if she was willing to get into the thick of it.

Shortly afterwards, she went back to her chattering making her truly seem eighteen. It was always nice to spend time just with Rosalie and get to see this side of her.

We got home to find Alice and the boys just as we had left them.

"Did you go to school, Alice?" I wondered.

"Of course, Mom," she replied whining a bit.

Raising my eyebrow at her tone she informed me more seriously, "Bella had to work today." Then after a brief pause told me, "You should call her. She has to work some this weekend, though. Saturday afternoon would be good. There's a fair chance that the four of us will be going to Seattle again Saturday through to Sunday. Although, I don't see us finding them where they last were. They might have moved, and I can't see where."

Rosalie came in after finishing putting away her new purchases and placing in the laundry room the pile of her older stuff that she no longer wanted.

"I assume we will be discussing this as a family, Alice," I warned.

"Yes, of course, as soon as Carlisle gets home," she replied as if my reprimand was silly. "And then we're going to train until tomorrow."

Her comments never even slowed Emmett's and Jasper's conversation about where the newborns might have moved as they evaluated maps and police reports.

"All right then dear. Let me go call Bella. I'll be right back," I let her know.

"Later," she huffed. "She _told_ me that she won't get off till six tonight."

I smiled at Alice's irritation grateful that it meant she was being stretched. "Thank you, Alice. I appreciate you relaying that to me."

She scowled but nodded.

Sitting down I listened to them attempt to narrow down possibilities. "What kind of place would they be looking for?" I asked Jasper after listening for over an hour.

He paused shortly and then replied, "A place in town that is abandoned in a crime area where they won't be noticed or a little out of town where neighbours are far enough away."

"So, something that's boarded up?" I checked.

"Yes, or like a barn, or something like that."

"What about basements?" I wondered out loud.

Jasper tilted his head at me his eyes unfocused probably lost in his thoughts.

"The properties that I prefer to purchase, intending to fix them, are often too old to have basements, sometimes cellar, but not basements, and many of the locations that work for us have too high of a water table to suit basements, but that house in Maine had one, although it was quite small, so that wouldn't have worked," I yammered.

"Yes, Esme, I remember what a basement is, I just couldn't believe that I hadn't thought of that already," Jasper grumbled.

"Not many basements in the south I bet," I pointed out. "Nor at the time you would have scouted for appropriate hiding locations."

"That's true," Jasper confirmed slightly smiling at me.

"Maybe all my history of architecture is coming in handy," I teased.

Jasper grinned at me, Emmett looked at me funny, Rosalie looked pleased, and Alice beamed.

"That helped a lot, Esme," Alice proclaimed. "We'll find them in a detached house with trees on three sides, two levels that I can see, large home, with a porch. They've trashed the house."

By the time Carlisle had come home, they had narrowed their potential searches down significantly.

They filled in Carlisle while I stepped into the other room and called Bella.

She answered on the third ring.

"Good evening Bella," I greeted her.

"Oh, hi Esme," she replied sounding slightly hesitant and confused.

"How has school been this week?" I asked trying to ease into the conversation.

"Fine," she told me but there was no emotion in it like her answer was automatic.

"Did Alice behave herself?" I inquired trying a different tact.

She giggled in a way that she hadn't before. It was high pitched and sounded unnatural for her. "She did," she said her laughing abruptly ending. "It was nice to have her there, actually."

"I'm glad. I have a confession to make, though," I told her with a light banter.

"Oh?" she asked seeming truly curious.

"Yes," I confirmed. "I was calling because I miss you and was hoping we could spend some time together after your shift tomorrow. I thought maybe a coffee shop or something in Port Angeles. You could order. I could hold a cup of coffee in my hands."

She chuckled sounding more like her old self. "I'd like that. I'm scheduled at Newton's until two."

"Shall I pick you up at work then?"

"Sure, I'll meet you in the parking lot. I might be late," she warned me. "Sometimes I get caught with a customer."

"That's fine dear," I assured her.

"Tell everyone else hi for me," she requested quietly as if she was uncertain of stating this simply thing.

"I will," I promised wanting to encourage her to continue asking for what she needed. "You know our home is open for you whenever you're ready," I reminded her gently unsure how much I should push.

She sighed sadly. "I know, Esme."

"Good," I replied letting it go. "I'll see you tomorrow sometime after two."

"See you then."

Going back to the war room, I continued to listen trying to see if there was a means in which I could be helpful. At the rate it was going the discussion would take hours, so I wasn't sure how much they would get accomplished before we needed to head out. When Carlisle got home he joined us adding small things every once in a while. Mostly, though he seemed to listen and to contemplate.

"We need to leave in order to meet the Quiluetes," Carlisle announced about twenty minutes before the agreed upon meeting time. "Let us resume this after our sparing practice."

Everyone nodded and reluctantly began heading to our meeting. As was customary for us, we were fifteen minutes early. Carlisle liked being punctual, but Jasper preferred to arrive before anyone else so that he could get a sense of things. Since Jasper had joined us, Carlisle had agreed to give Jasper this small precautionary step. Usually over the last fifty years Alice's visions gave enough warning of visitors that Jasper was satisfied.

As we heard a car nearing us in the distance, we moved into a slight V formation. Carlisle was in front with me on his right, Emmett next to me and Rosalie next to him, then Jasper on Carlisle's left and Alice next to Jasper. The sight of Jasper standing where Edward would have usually stood tugged at my heart. I missed him even more upon the realization that he wouldn't be hearing the wolves thoughts like he had when we had met Ephraim. Jasper must have picked up on my ache and sent a cocktail which had his usual calm, but then a touch of sympathy and understanding.

"Thank you," I murmured and Carlisle squeezed my hand briefly before releasing it.

It didn't take long before Billy Black could be seen being carried by a large tall man with cut off shorts.

"Shall we sit?" Carlisle offered once they were standing across from us on the other side of the creek.

I could feel a touch of Jasper's reluctance and irritation, but we did as Carlisle had suggested.

The tall man placed Billy on the ground and then stepped back standing with his arms crossed like a bodyguard.

Two wolves could be seen sitting on their haunches right within the tree line.

From the tenor I touched from Jasper, the sight of the wolves impressed him.

"Thank you for taking the time for this exchange. We continue to value living in harmony with all sentient creatures that surround us and upholding the words we forged with your ancestor Ephraim Black," Carlisle began. "As a sign of good faith we would like to share information with you regarding some traditional vampires hunting in Seattle."

Billy looked outraged, but simply nodded. After a moment and some deep breaths Billy appeared calmer and spoke. "This is Sam Uley, alpha of the protectors and thus chief of the tribe according to the old traditions. However, for now, Sam has requested that I continue to speak on behalf of our tribe as Ephraim's descendent."

"We are pleased to meet your acquaintance Sam Uley, alpha of the protectors. I appreciate your willingness to continue honouring the treaty forged with the protectors of the past."

Sam nodded in recognition of Carlisle's words, but said nothing.

After a moment more to see if Sam would speak, Carlisle continued, "A few of us went to Seattle due to increased number of reported deaths and missing persons reports. I did not go due to my work schedule, thus my son Jasper will share what was found."

Crisply, in a slightly slow human pace, Jasper stated, "We found a coven of newly made traditional vampires in Seattle. We estimate the number of their coven to be nine."

Both Billy and Sam looked disturbed. Billy whistled lowly, and looked into the sky. It was a movement I had seen Carlisle do before, and had to wonder if Billy was praying. When he appeared to have collected his thoughts he looked at Carlisle. "Our legends speak of one traveller or two together."

"Nine is unusual," Carlisle agreed, "along with them being new. Usually only one is made new at a time, as the maker is required to train the youngling to keep the laws."

Billy looked startled. After a minute or two he asked, "What happens to the maker if a law is broken?"

"Usually the maker and the youngling are destroyed by our version of police, but there are exceptions as unique situations are taken into account," Carlisle answered.

It looked like the wheels in Billy's head were working hard. Watching Billy made me miss Edward even more.

"If your police came to Seattle, would they come into our territory?" Billy asked his voice unusually low.

"They might pay me a visit," Carlisle answered. "I lived with them for some decades before I had a family. It has been customary for them to do so over the years," he added.

After a few moments taking in that information Billy asked, "Is this coven in Seattle a danger to us?"

"We cannot say for certain, but possibly," Carlisle replied.

"And the police?" he pressed.

"They know my beliefs, and have respected them in the past," Carlisle answered.

"We can do nothing, then," Billy seemed to decide after a long stretch of silence.

"Understandable," Carlisle replied sounding slightly disappointed by Billy's response, but I doubted Billy would be able to hear it.

I wondered if the wolves could hear the nuances in our tones that humans could not.

Then Carlisle continued, "Nevertheless, Seattle is close enough to be of grave concern, and the coincidence of their proximity seems too unlikely to suggest that their presence is random."

"Nine you said?" Billy confirmed after a pause.

Carlisle's tone was calmer once more. "Jasper estimates up to nine."

"If they come here, we have the ability to protect ourselves" Billy stated proudly. "We don't need your assistance on this matter."

"I understand your position, although if they were to come, three protectors against nine is terrible odds," Carlisle replied, frustration slightly evident in his tone, even though the tone also indicated that he had expected Billy Black's answer.

"Nevertheless, our position remains the same," he retorted tersely.

Carlisle nodded in acceptance.

After a few silent moments had passed, Billy said seemingly though his teeth, "Thank you for your act of good will." Then he paused dramatically. "As a show of our good will," he continued, although his face was reddening as if the words were painful to him, "we would like to inform you that a red-eyed vampire was found in your land while you were absent."

Carlisle nodded for him to continue.

"In protection of Bella he was trapped, torn apart, and burnt."

Carlisle's neutral face remained, although his muscles tensed up. "Thank you for protecting Bella," he told them genuinely. "Could you describe him for us?"

Billy looked up at Sam, then Sam spoke. Sam's voice reminded me of Ephraim's in some ways. "Darker complexion than you, red-eyes with some gold flecks, dreadlocks, and when he spoke to Bella he seemed to have an accent. She called him Laurent."

"Thank you," Carlisle offered Sam after a respectful pause. "He was a member of the coven that attacked Bella and our family last spring. We ended one member, the coven leader. The third member is a red-haired female."

Sam grunted, "We have run her off."

"Thank you for sharing that," Carlisle replied courteously. He seemed to pause possibly to consider how much he wanted to say, our family's discussion of what to tell the Quiluetes likely running through his head. "We appreciate the increased risk your tribe has taken on to protect the townspeople of Forks." Turning to Billy he added, "We would like to propose an offering of gratitude for this act."

Billy blanched and Sam frowned.

"An offering?" Billy muttered under his breath in disbelief. After long minutes he looked back at Carlisle calculating, "Like what?"

"At the close of the treaty with Ephraim we presented food and bear, lion, and elk fur," Carlisle stated.

Billy scowled. "A girl's life cannot be bought," he stated firmly.

"That is not our intention," Carlisle said offended at the remark, although hiding it fairly well.

Billy scowled once more. "You are not in our debt. She is the daughter of my best friend. We protect our own."

"We too care for her and would like to demonstrate our gratitude," Carlisle insisted.

Billy continued to scowl and I grew more still in greater apprehension as the time went on.

"What if we did something?" I suggested to Carlisle in a low murmur. "They are a proud and noble people," I reminded him being as quiet with my sounds as I could.

"My wife has suggested that we offer our services," Carlisle stated pride shining through his words after only a moment's pause. "My daughter Rosalie is a mechanic. My wife is a cook and home designer. My other daughter Alice is a clothing designer. And I, of course, would be honoured to offer my medical services."

"You are not welcomed on our land," Billy retorted.

"Forks is neutral territory," Carlisle replied.

Then Billy looked at Sam. A look exchanged between them.

How I wished Edward were with us and could later tell us about that particular exchange.

Sam shrugged and then after a pause said, "We're not removing the ban, and I'd rather not agree."

Billy nodded and turned back to us.

Their exchange was baffling. However, we were probably as confusing to them as they were to us.

"An offering is unnecessary," Billy replied, his tone less harsh, though. "We no longer adhere to the old ways upon meetings with outsiders. I thought I had made that clear upon our first conversation."

"I am an old man," Carlisle said holding in a smile. "Old ways die hard for me. I have honoured your request, as Ephraim's descendant. Surely, however, your tribe's efforts to keep Bella and Charlie safe are circumstances that require the old ways."

Billy grumbled. "Fine, we will allow this one occurrence, although I will repeat that I think this is unnecessary."

Carlisle nodded as if acknowledging Billy's reluctance.

My clever husband and worn him down. I was proud, but managed to maintain my neutral expression.

"We will agree to bring you vehicles that tribe members might need repaired through the end of the year or until you leave, whichever occurs first. There will be no more than two of you in a shop of your choosing in neutral territory. Any tribal member will be accompanied by at least one protector. The car owner will pay for the parts. In exchange for your offering of gratitude we will continue to guard Bella and Charlie on our land and on neutral territory when possible."

"Rosalie?" Carlisle asked gently his concern for her coming through.

Personally the fact that he hadn't limited the number of protectors that could show up when we could have no more than Rose and one other was disconcerting. Hopefully having a human tribal member would keep the protectors in check, since they guarded their secrets as we guarded ours.

"Yes," she stated briskly.

"We are agreed," Carlisle replied, clearly relieved.

"The seventh among you will be staying away?" Billy asked after a moment.

"That is our expectation," Carlisle informed him.

Billy grunted, but said nothing else.

A lengthy pause ensued until Carlisle told them, "Thank you for how you honour the treaty and Ephraim. We were honoured to know him," as a way of closing the meeting.

Billy grunted in acknowledgement, but said nothing. He looked back at Sam who picked him up and they headed back to the truck.

Once the sound of the vehicle leaving the area could be heard, we all turned and ran to the field. As we did Carlisle held my hand, but his face looked fallen.

Squeezing his hand, I whispered to him, "Not everyone sees the world as you do. It will take time for them to come around. We must remember that just as the wolves are young, so is the tribal leaders in knowing how to handle such matters. You got them to accept an offering. You should be proud of your accomplishment. I am."

Some of the disappointment faded from his eyes. "Of course, you are right my love."

As we all ran to the field I felt sad for a moment remembering that Edward would have beaten us all, if he had been there.

By the time we reached the field my excitement and nervousness to learn how to improve my fighting skills, so that I might better protect my Bella if I was going to be alone with her, was strong.

Despite the hopeful expectations that I saw in varying degrees on my family's features, we also all looked staggeringly shocked.

"Let's focus on training, and we can discuss what transpired at the meeting with the Quileutes later. I suspect that what Jasper has to share will help us all," Carlisle said, which changed the mood.

We all looked at Jasper in expectation that he would save us from our astonishment over what had just been revelled regarding Laurent and Victoria. Jasper's continence changed and the military man he used to be shined through. He explained how newborns are basically power and muscle, but not very smart about things. Then he had Carlisle go against Emmett first.

Watching them was interesting. It didn't take long for me to see that Carlisle was a skilled fighter, probably not as good as Jasper, but still would be able to hold his own, if needed. Yet, he refused to beat Emmett. After some time had passed, Emmett was getting more and more frustrated. "Too old, Pop? Don't have it in you anymore?" he jeered.

Jasper stared at Carlisle intently. Shortly after Emmett was pinned.

When Carlisle stood up his gaze at Jasper would be best described as a dressing down, but Jasper didn't look admonished at all. In fact, he almost looked haughty.

Then Jasper had Rosalie go against Emmett. She pinned him easily. I had to wonder if some of her ease against Emmett was Emmett's refusal to do anything that might hurt Rosalie.

Then it was my turn.

Emmett was behind me holding my arm, his mouth inches from my neck almost as soon as we started. Good thing it was Emmett, because I would have otherwise been terrified.

Once Emmett and I separated, Jasper came near me. "Esme, I know it's hard for you to see Emmett as an enemy," Jasper told me softly while sending me encouragement, "but try to imagine that this is a wild feral creature, or perhaps even James, if that helps, coming to get Bella. The only thing stopping Bella from dying is you."

My eyes grew large at the image he was trying to paint. I didn't like it at all, but I could see the wisdom in what he was trying to do, so I accepted his suggestion despite my internal protests to see Emmett in such a way.

Then he nodded at Emmett, and Emmett barrowed at me.

This time I could see Emmett coming and got out of the way in time. He came at me again. By his fifth run at me I realized that he was fairly predictable. It was like watching the ballet, as long as you paid attention, it wasn't too difficult to predict where the ballerina would land. Then I had to just not be where he would be. After a while Jasper stopped us.

He came over and muttered in my ear, "Just try and get your teeth near his wrist."

I nodded and we began again. This time I added Jasper's instruction to my intention of not getting caught. Patiently I waited for the right moment to strike. Unfortunately, when I took a gander my teeth got too close.

"Sheesh, Esme," Emmett muttered as soon as my teeth had touched his skin ripping into him.

Immediately stopping my actions, I reached out hesitantly to Emmett feeling horrid and repeated over and over, "I'm so sorry."

Before I could touch Emmett, Carlisle was at my side. I had ripped off a slight amount of the top layer of Emmett's wrist, but there was no venom, so it would heal easily. Then Carlisle wrapped me into his embrace whispering platitudes.

After a few minutes me still upset, Emmett came closer to me. When I looked into his eyes he insisted, "Mom, it's fine, not even a scratch," while placing it in front of me like a badge of honour. He was right, even when I looked carefully, I could not see anything more than what might be described as a scratch.

Looking at him I smile slightly, trying to hide how guilty I felt.

Rosalie came over joining us. She stood stiffly on the other side from Carlisle closest to Emmett reaching across us to take his other hand into hers. "It's fine, Mom, really. Neither Emmett nor I are upset with you. Maybe it'll even teach that lug a thing or two," she whispered softly to me.

She and Carlisle shared a look and then she pulled Emmett away.

The training started again while Carlisle just kept me in his arms. Nothing more was said between us. Eventually I realized that I was keeping Carlisle from learning what Jasper could teach him. I shooed Carlisle away, despite his protests, and moved away from the centre of the field deciding that I would watch instead, since I was unwilling to try again. How was I ever going to learn if I hurt my family in the process? The despondency, sense of failure, and deep seated fear that Bella could die because of me was bit by bit consuming me as the time went on.

While Rosalie and Carlisle were sparring Jasper came over to me. "You did really well, Esme," he told me his sincerity clear as he sent me affection, courage, and removed some of the intensity from my negative feelings.

"I hurt him, Jasper," I whispered to him. Certainly Jasper had picked up how upset and ashamed I still felt.

"Not really," he disputed matter-of-factly. "He's fine and he's proud of his wound."

I looked at Jasper unsure.

"He's always been a little jealous of my scars," he whispered conspiratorially. "Even the first time he met me. He sees them as badges on honour. He wants to show that he can protect Rose and the family." After a brief pause he continued. "Esme, fighting is ruthless and difficult. I could feel your determination. Just use that protective mother bear nature of yours and don't stop to count the cost until everyone you love is safe," he advised. Lowering his voice so that his words barely reached me he told me, "Esme, you are loving by nature. Let that love overcome your fear and rest assured that you would do everything in your power to keep Bella and every other member of this family safe."

I nodded letting him know that his words had been received. Hopefully he also knew that I had no words in return in order to articulate my conflicting thoughts or feelings. Perhaps this was how Carlisle felt every time we stood as a family to defend ourselves, his compassion at war with his desire to keep us safe. The thought that Carlisle and I might be alike in this way warmed me, soothed me, and in that moment I fell in love with my husband a little bit more.

Carlisle's and Rosalie's match went on for quite a while. As I watched, it seemed that Carlisle could have taken Rosalie at a number of opportunities but hadn't. I had to admit that even though Carlisle didn't like fighting, watching him against Rose assured me that he was fairly skilled, even against a more cunning and less predictable fighter than Emmett. I wondered if he ever had to fight to protect himself before Edward had come into his life. I had never thought to ask. The problem was that I couldn't imagine Carlisle as anything but mild mannered and diplomatic. Had that been different when he was a nomad? Had my imagining of him not done him justice? It was an interesting thought to ponder. No matter what he might have been like before having a family, I was pleased to know that my husband could take care of himself, if he ever needed to. Then I felt silly at the thought. He had kept himself alive for two-hundred years before I came into his life.

Despite the match showed clearer and clearer Carlisle's capacity to end it, it continued. Was his hesitation to show that he could best Rosalie due to her being a girl? That she was his daughter? Because of his relationship with Rosalie? Or was it some arrangement he and Jasper had made for Rosalie's benefit? I couldn't be sure. Whatever was happening, Jasper kept encouraging Rosalie and giving her hints.

After another hour or so of them going at it, Emmett came and sat next to me leaving Alice by herself.

"You did good, Mom," he told me earnestly speaking softly.

"I hurt you," I retorted.

"A scratch," he replied as if my statement was idiotic. "I bet even human mothers accidentally scratch their children and I heal faster," he joked and then paused looking serious his eyes never leaving Rosalie. "If this is what I need to pay to know that you can keep your own, if you had to, I'd pay it a thousand times. I'd do almost anything short of becoming ash, in fact. I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you Mom."

Like magic his words almost entirely lifted my mood from what had lingered after Jasper's pep talk. They really were wonderful boys.

I looked up at Emmett's concerned face. "I love you too, Emmett. Thanks. Now go torture Alice some more."

"Yes, ma'am," he agreed easily with a wide smile.

He got up and sprinted off towards Alice hoping to catch her off guard. Of course, he didn't, but him trying to do so made me laugh.

As our time was nearly ending, Jasper called Carlisle's and Rosalie's match a draw. Then he placed Alice in the centre of us, and had us all charge at her simultaneously.

Rosalie caught her wrist fairly quickly.

Jasper whispered some things in Alice's ear and then had us do it again. This time she lasted longer. By the sixth time, Jasper seemed more relaxed about us charging at his wife.

The training had been hard on all the pairs. We didn't naturally, easily anyway, allow our mates to be attacked without defending them, especially the men. Even for me, and my confidence in my husband, it had been a struggle at times to stay away and allow him to fight alone, reminding myself that I trusted those he went against with both of our lives. As we all stood the sun rising behind a curtain of clouds it was clear that we all needed some time as couples.

"Be home by noon," Carlisle ordered while he and I went to find some nourishment and spend some time alone.

We were lying in the grass with me tucked into his left side when I asked, "Was it hard to stand back and watch me fight Emmett?"

"Very," he answered. "Good thing I trust Emmett and Jasper so much."

"Yes, good thing," I agreed. "Even though it was hard at times to not come to your aid, I actually was relieved in watching you fight. I had no idea how good of a fighter you were. Where did you learn?"

"Some I picked up along the way. Most of it I learned from my time in Volterra," he told me with only the slightest amount of hesitancy. It was the same hesitancy in his tone that was always there when he spoke about Volterra.

"Hmm …" I mused appreciating his candour. In my imagination they play fought as much as my boys if not more. But more likely they probably trained like we had tonight. "Did you ever have to fight anyone on your travels?" I asked after letting my thoughts about Volterra go.

"Usually no," he answered easily. "If I came across another nomad, I avoided them. They never had to defend their kills from me, so I wasn't seen as a threat most of the time, just an oddity."

"But?" I pressed.

He moved in a way that I knew meant he was uncomfortable. "Once, there was a nomad much like James actually, that was solely interested in demonstrating his dominance. I could not reason with him, and he would not let me be."

"Did you burn him as well?" I confirmed.

"Yes," he answered ashamed. "I knew that if I didn't he would seek revenge and who knew how many people he would kill to get to me. I still after all these years wish there had been another way."

I hugged him tighter and then kissed him.

"I'm glad that you did what you had to, and that you possessed the skill to do so, because it means that you are here today," I told him earnestly. "Think of all the people you've helped and saved along the way."

"Yes," he said reluctantly, "but a life is still a life, and saving lives through my work doesn't take away the fact that I was responsible for the end of a life."

Considering that I confessed one of my darkest thoughts, "I would have never truly wished to kill Charles, but there were moments when I did think I might have to do just that in order to protect myself. We can't rid the world of all those types, but we do have the right to protect what has been given to us."

"Yes, I suppose even the Almighty couldn't argue with that," he replied after a few minutes with a slight frown on his face.

"God still loves you Doctor Carlisle Cullen, and the scriptures says you are forgiven if you humbly repent," I reminded him.

He smiled indulgently at me, but his eyes said that I had gotten through.

With the long lives we lived and the nature of most vampires, coming across someone like James seemed inevitable. It seemed to me that we could only do our best and protect what we loved.

We stayed lying in each other's embrace before Carlisle reminded me that we too had to follow his request. I grumbled jokingly and let him lead me home not really wanting to face what lay in front of us. The Quiluetes news had changed so much, and I, truthfully, wasn't ready to face it. Most of the time I revelled in my role as the matriarch of our little family, but as we ran back I wished for the shortest of moments that I didn't have to be strong. If I had been afraid before, it was nothing to what I felt as the reality of the Quiluetes news settled into me and undid everything I thought I had understood.

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 _A/N: It is shocking to me how much of this chapter has changed since I gave it to kiwihipp. I realized after she had gotten it back to me that I had somehow forgotten to include how the Cullens learned of Laurent's demise. Oops. Details like this are certainly something I struggle with as a writer. Good thing I have a great beta and patient readers. I can't thank you all enough!_


	13. Scars That Leave Marks

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 4 Mar 18)

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 **Chapter 13: Scars That Leave Marks  
**

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Naturally Alice and Jasper beat us. That girl had impeccable timing from the first day she had pranced into our lives.

"Twenty minutes, they got distracted," she informed us as we walked in.

We nodded and settled into one of the sofas to wait.

After a few minutes Jasper said slowly, "So, Rosalie mentioned to me that perhaps we as a family should discuss Bella being told about the Seattle coven."

"Yeah, she mentioned the same thing to me," Alice stated, and then without prompting added, "I don't like the idea of Bella living with the fear her knowing might cause, but I think Rosalie has a point about Bella possibly finding out from the wolves and that causing distrust, which would be worse." She grumbled at the end seemingly at war within herself on this topic.

"What about you, love?" Carlisle asked gently.

"We should tell Bella," I replied having already come to that conclusion adding, "I'll see her later today. I could do it, if that's what the family wanted."

"We'll wait for them to come back, but I suspect Rosalie got to us all and we're all in agreement," Carlisle stated reluctantly.

I couldn't help but smile. Rosalie was tenacious and cunning when she needed to be. I had not doubted that she would get everyone to see her way. I wondered if this side of her was usually hidden because of Edward. Given how he tended to see the world, he would have most likely seen her cunning as distrustful. He had a tendency of seeing things in terms of black and white more than anyone else in the family. Where Rosalie was simply appealing to each person in his or her own way to see her point, Edward could be a bull in a china closet. I chuckled remembering moments when Bella had first entered our lives causing Edward to soften and see more grey than ever before, while causing Rosalie to only see danger.

Feeling a tinge of sadness, thinking of Edward Jasper caught my eye and I remembered our conversation. I was needed here. Edward could be my priority when he returned. Till then …

Once Emmett and Rosalie came in, Rosalie not a hair out of place and Emmett looking like he rolled down a hill, and both had settled, Carlisle spoke. "So, Emmett do you have an opinion about us telling Bella about the newborns?"

"Tell her," he answered matter-of-factly. "She's a tough nut."

Smiling at him I could tell that he missed Bella.

"I was thinking some more about that, actually," Rosalie cut in, "and I was thinking that since she's so buddy buddy with the wolves that perhaps we should only tell her what we told the Quileutes."

"Agreed," Jasper added emphatically.

"I don't like it, but I'll agree," Alice said reluctantly and with ire.

"I'm down with that," Emmett added.

"That's reasonable," I said while smiling knowingly to Rosalie.

She was stoic as ever, but I watched her eyes twinkle in glee.

"Then we are agreed. Any objections to Esme telling Bella today when she sees her later this afternoon?"

No one objected.

"That agreed, let's move on. We need to tell the Denalis about Laurent," Carlisle stated authoritatively, but with sadness intertwined. "Thoughts?"

Everyone shook his or her head no.

"How did they even catch him?" I muttered voicing my thoughts on the matter, even though that hadn't been his question.

"Maybe that's why he joined James' coven," Jasper mused. "He must have known he was a bad fighter and clung to someone stronger than him."

We nodded as if that made sense, but Jasper's explanation didn't change the terror created from the reality that the wolves had actually ended someone we knew. Before Billy's report on Laurent the idea that the wolves could end someone had seemed impossible. Sure I had been fearful of getting hurt or someone in the family being harmed, but actually ended and burned had been inconceivable. Ignorantly, I realized, I had begun to think about them as guard dogs, not strong formidable creatures capable of ending us. No, that thought had never entered my mind. I shuddered at my thoughts, and it made me even more fearful of them.

"I just," I started to say and then stopped. "I can't," I started again my whole family looking at me. Taking a deep breath inhaling Carlisle's scent along with fragments of the four family members sitting in the room with me, I tried to organize my thoughts.

"It's okay, Esme, spit it out," encouraged Carlisle as he held me and I felt Jasper's faux calm and courage.

Sitting up a little straighter after a moment, I once more attempted to put into words my fears. "That first time I met the Quiluetes my body could not help but respond in fear. There were five of us and only three of them, but there was something menacing about them. If I could articulate my fear, it was that someone would get hurt. We could heal, but I didn't want to defend ourselves and take the risk. Carlisle, the first to gain control of himself, explained that we neither meant them harm nor the humans in the area. From that encounter a treaty was made. And over time Carlisle and Ephraim grew to have a strong respect for one another. My body often responded in fear around them, but since that first encounter I have not really considered them a mortal enemy. They can't climb trees, as far as I know we're faster than them, and as long as you avoid their mouths it would seem easy enough to just run away from them."

Shaking my head of these beliefs that had been destroyed in one sentence from Billy Black, Ephraim's descendant, I continued, "But what I had conjured to make myself feel safe, to believe that I could go and meet them without risk of death, Billy obliterated. And the tribe has new wolves. They are a young pack, and do not have the same wisdom or experience as Ephraim."

"The oldest tribal leader, Quil, is from the old pack, although he was the youngest of the three when we made the treaty," Carlisle reminded me.

"Yes, that's true," I conceded. "I can't fully articulate the terror that Billy's news brought me. If they could kill Laurent, then ..." I looked around unable to finish my thought. "How can we trust them to honour the treaty? What would stop them from ending someone I care about rather than just someone I know?" Suddenly I wanted to be that young naive sixteen year old again who had my first crush on a gorgeous doctor.

Carlisle looked at me until I turned to him, "Hope and faith my love. Ephraim's pack could have taken a bite out of one of us easier than this pack. They had perhaps decades, although Edward wasn't completely certain of the time frame, of them fighting and working together. The treaty from the very beginning was based on trusting a natural enemy, hoping them to be an honourable people, and faith that our words spoken were truth. Combine their natural instincts to hunt us with Jasper's intuition that Laurent was not a skilled fighter is not great odds. And I suspect that some of the success of ending Laurent was because there were five of them, along with some luck."

"I just ..." I started again and then realized perhaps this was a better conversation for just Carlisle and I.

"The thing is mom," Emmett began looking at Carlisle for confirmation that he could continue, which Carlisle gave, "we know the wolves. We've seen them, interacted with them. Your mind has had time to consider how to outwit them. The first time I met them my only thoughts were ripping them apart or running as fast as I could with Rosalie on my shoulder. There was nothing rational about that first encounter, except for Pop. In many ways his cool head with Edward's mind reading saved us from getting hurt or worse. We knew them to be honourable from the start, because Edward was sure of it. We don't fear them in the same way as a result, and we've known about them for over seventy years. Combined your suggestions sound really smart. But in that moment of facing them that first time, I don't think any of your ideas would have come to mind. It's also why we don't need to be fearful of them. Even if the treaty wasn't there, we know their abilities, perhaps even better than they do, since the pack is new. If nothing else, I'll protect you. Don't worry," he added with a big smile and a playful wink.

Looking around the room, I could tell that I hadn't been the only one concerned about Billy's news. The men in the room were concerned, but wanting to assure their wives that they could keep us safe. The love I felt for each of them expanded.

Jasper looked at me smiling. "May I share?" he asked shyly.

"Sure," I agreed pleased he would want to.

Then I felt the love I was feeling rebounding back to me. It was lovely, and I basked in it. This way of communicating to each of them with Jasper's help was wondrous.I concentrated on the ties that bound us and the love I felt for each of them while feeling what Jasper sent out boomerang back to me. No one said anything, us each simply enraptured in the moment.

After a while Jasper slowly removed the influence. It was like he took an in breath after he had exhaled.

Carlisle kissed me tenderly on the check, then turned towards Alice and Jasper. "Alice did you learn anything?"

"As you know my visions worked fine in 2002 when we met up with them, and everything from last night, after our decision to meet up with them, was blank. Seeing the wolves present appears to confirm your hypothesis that they are blocking my visions. Once there, I could see us going to field to train clearly, but everything in between was void. After they left the wall blocking my visions cleared, so I suspect there's some distance involved. Perhaps five hundred feet? I can't be sure, though."

"Two mysteries solved," Carlisle mused. "I will call the Denalis and tell them the news before the end of today. What remains is to figure out what's happening in Seattle. We can now assuredly say that Laurent is no longer involved in Seattle. He might have been before his death, there could be ties to Victoria, or something nothing to do with our family. It would seem then, that we have even more questions when it comes to Seattle then we did before. Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice please continue detailing your recognizance plan," Carlisle requested probably sensing that we all needed to talk about what we could do rather than Billy's news.

At one forty-five I rose to leave, even though they were still in discussion. "I agree that you need to go. I agree that you should only engage them if you must, and burn them far enough away that the others will not know your intentions. Please be careful," I said offering my thoughts before heading away.

"We will, Mom," they nearly all said in unison except Jasper who said, "yes, ma'am."

Leaving the house, I felt a weight upon me that I had never noticed prior. There had been the revelation at the meeting with the Quileutes, Carlisle's insistence of an offering, which put Rosalie and probably Emmett, since he was most likely to accompany her, at risk, my struggles with learning how to fight when we had been in the clearing, the possibility of nine newborns in Seattle, and Bella's recent cliff diving experience. Worse, none of it seemed to have an easy solution. Hope, love, and faith was the strongest tools we had, but they seemed insufficient. Consequently, for the second time I found myself praying, asking the creator that at sixteen I had believed in to keep us all safe.

It was over thirty minutes before Bella finally exited Newton's. From what I had overheard she seemed skilled at helping customers, which made me proud as punch. Thankfully, even though a couple of people had seen me sitting in the car reading, they had not come over to greet me.

My eyes lit up as I watched her surreptitiously. The pride I felt reminded me of Emmett's successes in culling his bloodlust, but somehow it was different in a way I could not name.

"I'm so sorry, Esme. I'm so sorry," Bella kept repeating as she got into my car.

After the eighth time, I turned to her. "Bella, it was no problem. See, I read my book," I raised it for her to see. "Don't apologise. You have no power over these things."

"That's true," she agreed reluctantly as if it made her weak in some way as she slunk into her seat and buckled.

"Any place calling your name?" I asked her as I pulled out of the parking lot.

"No, I don't really know Port Angeles well enough," she admitted.

"Then we shall find some place together," I assured her. Exiting Forks and accelerating to the speed limit I asked, "How was work?"

"Work. Fine. Good."

Smiling at her I hoped my look and silence encouraged her to continue talking.

"Mike's getting on my nerves," she grunted lowly after few minutes.

"Why's that dear?" I asked.

"The senior prom is coming up next month and he wants me to go with him," she stated as if this was repulsive. She was so different in this way in comparison to Alice or Rosalie, both of whom enjoyed formals and dancing. Perhaps the girls of this era were no longer into those kinds of events as they once were, or perhaps it was a quirk of Bella's. I had no way of really knowing.

"Do you want to go with him?" I checked.

"No!" she nearly shrieked.

"Do you want to go at all?" I wondered trying to understand her reactions.

"Not really," she stated as if going would be painful.

"Not really?" I questioned her.

"I went last year. It wouldn't be the same," she told me after many minutes had passed. Her tone had been so quiet and pained that it seemed that her admission was uncomfortable to her.

I easily remembered that night. Edward's first school dance with a girl he wanted to take. Her reluctance and pain made sense. It probably made her think of Edward.

"No, I suppose it wouldn't be," I agreed sadly. "Well, we could make other plans. Go to the theatre again, see an opera this time or a ballet."

Bella sat obviously thinking about it before she replied, "I would like that, Esme."

"Good. That's settled. Just ask your dad. Alice would come, naturally, unless you would rather she stay home," I told her excited about the prospect. Then I paused contemplating, "What about Rosalie? We could even, if you wanted, invite some of your school friends."

"I think Angela and Ben are planning on going to prom and I don't see Angela's parents allowing her to go to Canada, even if you were there."

I nodded trusting her judgement on these matters.

"Why would Rosalie want to come?" Bella asked reluctantly.

"Truth?" I asked her seriously.

"Yes," she answered assuredly.

"Rosalie is Rosalie. She will always be Rosalie, but …" I considered how much to say. "She has changed Bella. I told you these months since September have changed all of us. Rosalie is no exception. So, yes, I think Rosalie would like the chance to get to know you better."

Bella's eyes had gotten big and her heart was racing a little. "Really?" she asked shakily as if stunned in disbelief.

"Truth, Bella, I promise." I paused. When she said nothing more I continued. "They all miss you, actually. Emmett is more vocal about it, of course, but I know my husband well enough to say that he too misses you."

"Perhaps I could join you on a Cullen family camping trip," Bella said sarcastically.

I looked at her confused. "Please explain, Bella."

Her checks pinkened and she frowned. After a few moments of her looking out the window she finally spoke. "I'm just upset at myself, because I want to see Emmett and hang out at the house too. I miss it. And I want to have the chance to talk to Jasper, but last time I went to your house nearly crippled me." By the end her voice got that distant tone like she was no longer present and just going through the motions.

"The last time?" I asked even more confused by her choice of words. I would presume she meant her birthday party, but something in the way she said it made me question that assumption.

"After you all had left," she whispered her voice shaking. She took some deep breaths before she continued, "I went by to make sure the house was still there, that there was at least something I hadn't imagined. It existed, but it looked like a ghost house, everything covered in white dustsheets, and it made it worse, like I really had conjured you from my imagination. I almost didn't make it back to my truck and home."

I wasn't sure what was worse, what she said or the lifeless tone she said it in. Reaching out I grabbed her hand. "I'm so sorry dear."

Just ahead there was a turnout. I pulled over, stopped the car, came around to her side, and wrapped her in my arms.

"I must stop making you so upset when I take you places," I scolded softly.

As she entered my arms, the tears began to flow quickly down her face. Fortunately, the force of her grief wasn't as strong as it had been on the way to Seattle. She stayed in my embrace longer, however, as if she was afraid that if I left go she would lose me.

"Anytime you need my arms around you, just ask, Bella. I can come day or night. Your mother is far away and fathers, no matter how much they love us, are not the same. I want to be there for you. All you need to do is ask," I quietly spoke to her.

"I don't like asking for help," she admitted mumbling into my shirt.

"I don't really either. I prefer to help others than be helped," I confided in her.

She pulled back and looked into my eyes searching me.

"How do you do it then?" she questioned deep in thought.

I looked at her steadfastly. "It's very difficult. Just this last week Jasper came and gave me good advice without my asking, but it was hard to take. Then on top of that I had to go to him and ask for help."

"What with?" she asked shocked.

"I want to be a better fighter," I told her slowly. "Jasper is the best of us. I asked him to teach me. I want to be able to protect you or anyone else in my family, if I ever needed to. It was hard to admit I needed help and hard to take the help. Then it didn't go well. I hurt Emmett and a part of me wants to give up, but it would be worth the discomfort I experience, if it made a difference in protecting those I love. So, even though I'm reluctant and scared to hurt anyone, I will try again."

Bella looked down as if she was ashamed, which made no sense to me. I was the one who had admitted to failing at something. Wanting to make sure she heard me, I tried again coming at it a different way.

"Bella," I said to her gently and waited for her to look up at me. "None of us are good at everything. We all need each other. It's what makes us a family. Together we are stronger. And you, despite our past errors, are a part of our family."

"No, Esme." Bella was sad but certain.

It was if we were having two different conversations. I was completely lost.

"Can you tell me why you say that?" I asked trying to prod gently.

"I'm not a Cullen," she stated emphatically, as if that answered everything.

"You have burrowed yourself into our hearts. There's no going back now," I stated as strongly.

She looked up at me as if I had said the grass was blue. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked to be in deep concentration. Eventually she looked down and asked, "Even though … "

It didn't matter what the end of the sentence was in Bella's mind, although I had some guesses. The answer was the same.

"Yes," I answered interrupting her, "even though."

"I don't understand," Bella finally spoke through tears after many long minutes her features resuming to their baffled appearance.

"We care about you, each in our own way," I told her lovingly, "Rosalie included. Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and I all consider you a part of our family. You could move in tomorrow if you wanted," I told her emphatically and then considered if Jasper would be able to handle her proximity on a continuous basis like that.

"Really Esme?" she argued back pushing me away then shut her mouth as if she was afraid to voice her thoughts.

"Whatever it is in that mind of yours, tell me; I can take it. It might even help things between us," I encouraged her.

She looked at me wearily and with a lot of doubt. Then with her chin on her chest told me, "You left and you didn't take me with you. If I really was family, then you would have taken me with you." By the time she got to the end of her sentence, she was sobbing so hard that I could barely understand her.

Moving slowly towards her, I pulled her into my arms. "Oh my sweet girl," I told her quietly over and over.

When she had calmed enough, I backed away from her slightly so that I could look into her face. "Bella, that might be true from a human perspective, but you have to understand what we've gone through and the years we've been on this earth. From our perspective, you living your human life to its fullest potential was an expression of how much we care about you and how much we wanted the best for you. For you to experience what we are not able is a gift we wanted to give you."

The look on her face made it seem like I was from outer space.

Collecting my thoughts, I tried to explain it another way. "Imagine it like a young mother who sees herself as inadequate, and so leaves her baby to the care of others that she sees as more capable. In that moment, it would be an expression of her deep love and care for her infant."

Bella's eyes grew larger, so I hoped that she was beginning to understand what I was attempting to convey.

"Our family didn't argue about whether we wanted to leave you as much as we argued about what we each thought was best for you. That comes from our care for you, not a lack. I've been on this earth for over a hundred years. Please, Bella, you have to understand that from my perspective it's hard not to see you as too young to make an informed decision. And it's hard for me not to be overly motherly of you. All that I can say is that I'm trying."

Her eyes had narrowed and long minutes passed before she spoke again. "You left because you loved me and thought that was what was best for me?" she asked her tone cutting.

Certainly, that was the case for Edward and Carlisle when the vote to leave Forks had been discussed. My disagreement with Edward's conclusions had been what had started the conflict between Carlisle and I after all. However, this was not the time or place to argue with her overgeneralization. Hopefully in the future I could make the nuance in our family clearer to her.

Before I could even say anything, though, she stood abruptly, moving past me, and started to pace in front of the car.

I stayed crouched allowing her the space she seemed to require.

"What a bunch of arrogant, self-conceded … I'm been taking care of myself … it's not like I'm an infant … they love me … they left because they thought that was best for me … but he said … no, even if that's true … he said he didn't want to pretend …" she muttered under her breath. Suddenly she stopped and glared at me. "Did _you_ get tired of playing human?" she snapped at me.

Confusion was apparent on my features as I told her, "No, Bella, I enjoy being a part of the human world. And I have enjoyed being able to mother you. Doing so has filled a piece of me that I didn't even know I needed."

She looked at me critically.

"Please understand, Bella, my infant child died and my children in this life, although I mother them, are grown and do not need mothering and being looked after like you do. You have helped heal a part of me, but you have a flesh and blood mother and father who love you," I tried to explain.

Her features softened, so I continued. "Just today listening to you help customers made me so proud of you. You're growing up and changing. We can change, but it's so hard for us. For you it's as natural as breathing. It is pleasurable to watch you grow into the strong, kind, helpful, determined young woman I can begin to see emerge, and I am so proud of you."

She looked stunned and then moisture filled her eyes. "It must be hard to have lost a child and to wake up without the opportunity to have that again, to have that choice taken away," she mused her tone soft.

How that was her conclusion after my confession was baffling, but I felt it necessary to clarify her misconception. "I took that choice away from myself when I flung myself off that cliff," I correct her gently.

Her eyes widened. "And I …" she uttered jarringly. Throwing herself at me she blubbered, "Oh I'm so sorry."

Rubbing her back I repeated soothingly, "It's all right, Bella." When she calmed some I added softly, "I got Carlisle out of the bargain, so for me it was worth it. No life is perfect, Bella. I wonder if you see our outward lure and assume that our insides are just as flawless. I can promise that couldn't be further from the truth. We are all flawed creatures trying to do our best."

She nodded, and withdrew seemingly needing space, but her eyes indicated that her thoughts were far away. When they focused back on me she spoke softly. "I'm not a burden?" she asked her voice desperate.

Drawing near to her once more I put my hands on her arms. "Try Bella to see the world from my era, from my point of view. I've lived a long time. Even though each member of the family saw things differently and argued from a different angle, we spoke what we thought was best for you." Bar Emmett, who voted in support of Edward, and Jasper, who voted strategically, but, again, that was a conversation for another time when she knew us better, and could understand the complexity inherited in those votes.

"But no one asked me!" she roared and then collapsed into my arms under the weight of the expression of the emotion.

Rubbing her back once more I held her tight. "I know, and we're sorry about that. Do you remember me telling you that in my time a woman was not addressed when there was a man in the room to speak for her? Her father and then her husband guarded her." Pausing I waited for her to acknowledge me. When she did I continued, "even though I'm a woman and fairly liberal for my era, some things are hard to change. We spoke on your behalf, assuming what we thought was best for you. It is actually even more complicated than that, but in the end, that's what it boils down to."

"It's just that I've never felt like I fit in anywhere. I raised my mother and don't know my father well. I love them and they love me, but in your house, I felt like I belonged. And you took that away from me when you left," she admitted into my shirt while tears soaked it.

"Oh Bella," I lamented hearing the pain her admission brought. After some time I told her, "Thank you for being honest with me. I did not know that was the case. I am so sorry that we hurt you so deeply. We do care for you like family, Bella, even if it might not look like it from where you stand."

Saying nothing more, she took in a few deep breaths and seemed to be attempting to calm herself.

"We'd like the chance to show you," I told her.

"If I could manage the house without hyperventilating," she deadpanned still speaking into my shirt.

"There's always Jasper to help," I answered slyly.

"Yes, of course, there's always Jasper," she replied sarcastically but with a playfulness in her tone this time.

I pulled back and looked at her.

"Better?"

She nodded as she wiped away her tears and took calming breaths. "Yes, thank you Esme."

"Even though it was hard to say, was it worth it to tell me the truth?" I asked hoping she could take a lesson from this.

She smiled as if she knew what I was attempting to do. "Yes, it helped."

"And expressing your anger to me? Did that help?"

She paused reflecting. "Yes, Esme," she replied blood filling her cheeks, "it helped. I am sorry that I yelled at you though."

"That's okay. Like I said, I can take it. I'm glad you yelled, and it would be okay if you did again. You have a right to be upset. We hurt you; even if that was not our intention, it was the result. And I am sorry Bella for the pain we have caused you. I can't take it back, but I can learn from it. Please always speak your truth to me. Hiding your true feeling means that I never get to know your true self. And I want to get to know you, warts and all."

She tucked her bottom lip up in between her teeth for many long minutes. "I hurt Charlie with what I told him in order to run away from James. I was trying to protect him; nevertheless, I hurt him."

I smiled at her connection hoping her admission meant she was beginning to see things from my perspective.

"He forgave me, you know. Sure, I was in trouble when I got back, but he didn't love me less."

"He seems to care about you very deeply, Bella, even if he doesn't show it well," I agreed with her conclusions.

She nodded in agreement.

After a few minutes of silence, hoping to lighten the mood some, I asked, "Any other revelations before we get back into the car?"

She shook her head no, but held onto my hand, so I didn't move waiting.

Eventually she muttered softly, "Thank you, Esme for forcing me to talk about this. It isn't fun, and it hurts like hell, but each time it seems to help a little. I suspect the pain will never fully leave, but it helps."

Kissing her forehead I told her seriously, "Some wounds leave scars that can never fade completely, but talking is part of the healing process. For that, you are very welcome," I told her choosing to ignore her admission about never fully healing. I suspected that had to do with Edward still being away. She was most connected with him and he had hurt her the deepest, so her conclusions made sense, especially if her and Edward had the potential to become mated. "Ready to get back on the road?" I checked.

"Yup," she agreed kissing me on the cheek and moving back into her seat.

Closing her door, I got into the driver's seat musing about her confession. It seemed like she had been as connected to us, if not more, than we had been to her. The potential implication was something to ask Jasper about later.

Once we were safely travelling on the road again, I asked her lightly with a teasing note to my voice, "So, house, camping, or avoiding the family? Do you have a preference?"

"House, but I'll probably need Jasper and Carlisle as back up just in case," she grumbled irritatingly.

"Deal. When?" I replied as if she had been completely serious.

"You're really going to put my feet to the fire?" she grumbled but with less resistance this time.

"Strike when the iron is hot and all that," I teased.

"Fine," she grumbled without any ire. "I'm not working next Friday, on the 13th. I could come over after school."

"Want to plan to spend the night?" I asked hopeful that she was being serious.

"Where would I sleep?" she asked like a mouse cornered by a cat.

"Well, umm, truth?" I asked concerned on how she would take my answer.

"Yes?" she asked unsure.

"I kind of already made up the plans to remodel the house slightly to make you a room," I told her with a slight slowness in order to monitor her as the words left my mouth.

Keeping my eyes on the road and my hands at ten and two the whole time I had spoken, I watched her secretly out of the corner of my eye in order to capture her expressions closely, and then waited silently for her response.

As the seconds passed, her face grew more and more red and she appeared somewhere between mortified, astonished, and in a state of denial. When she did speak she sputtered, "You … you … you … what?"

"See, when we were in Ithaca I was missing you," I tired to explain, "and I was working on the house there, and I did the drawings with a bedroom for you. And then when you said you'd like us to come back, and we decided we would, I couldn't help do the same in this house, even though I know you live with Charlie and wouldn't want to come live with us," I justified working hard not to speed up my speech too fast.

"You … you …. redesigned your house to give me a room because you missed me?" she sounded like what I had said was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

"Um, yes?" I answered hesitantly.

"Oh, Esme," she sighed and then threw herself at me and hugged my side.

I smiled. "Bella, dear, could you please sit down and buckle up again? I don't like the risk if we were to crash. I wouldn't hear the end of it."

She giggled. "Oops."

"That's okay. It's partially my fault. I should have reminded you once we started driving again."

"That's just the most," she paused. When she spoke again it was full of emotion. "Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?" I questioned, and then added to clarify my confusion, "I haven't done it yet."

"Just the thought is … wow."

"You're welcome?" I asked still confused.

"What floor were you thinking it would it be on?" she enquired hesitantly.

"Second," I answered confidently. I was certain she wouldn't be able to manage going to the third floor, if she barely could manage the house.

My mind was off on how to make my drawings come to life.

"Second?" she murmured.

"If you're agreeable, you could pick out your colours today, and I could have it ready before you came on Friday. Then if you were to sleep over, you could have your own space and not feel like you're intruding into ours."

"It's too much," she protested.

"I cherish you. It is my expression of what you mean to me," I explained assuredly.

We were just coming into the beginnings of Port Angeles and although part of my mind was reviewing possible options of where to take Bella, another part noticed that she was being unusually quiet, even for her. I looked over at her. She looked nearly completely still, except that she was blinking rapidly, which with her being human appeared like there was something terribly wrong with her. Quickly I found a place to park, turned off the car, unbuckled, and turned towards her putting my left hand on her left arm.

"Bella? You okay?" I asked concern coating my words.

She just stared forward like I wasn't there.

Withdrawing my left hand, I pulled out my phone from my pocket, and rung Carlisle.

Carlisle's phone connected before it even made a tone. I had to wonder if Alice had warned him that I was ringing him. If so, Alice had probably told Carlisle the reason for my call.

"Yes, Esme," Carlisle answered, sounding quite concerned, the sound of his car in the background.

My eyes hadn't left Bella's.

"Something's wrong with Bella. I don't know what to do," I told him trying not to go to pieces. Bella needed me after all.

My panic subsided a little as Carlisle's voice come over the phone. "Okay. Tell me the symptoms," he instructed.

Him forcing me to focus on these details and assist him in a diagnosis was relieving and brought me a little joy, despite the circumstances. How often since I had gotten over my newborn bloodlust had I needed him like this?

"She's very still, staring straight ahead and blinking rapidly, she's breathing rather shallow and quickly for her, her heart rate is elevated, and when I touched her and called her name she didn't respond," I told him.

"How's her temperature?" he asked in his doctor tone.

"Um …" I mumbled unsure how to answer that.

"Compare the degree of her warmth right now to how she was when you first touched her today," he directed me briskly.

Despite the unusual tone he had taken, I did as he requested and then told him, "Her temperature is lower, but not by much, maybe a degree and a half."

"That's good to know," he told me.

Him saying so was a great relief. He had mended Bella before. The assurance that he would do so again soothed me, and my panic began to dissipate.

"Did anything happen before this?" he asked.

"Not that I could tell," I replied.

"What were you talking about?" he questioned.

"That I had been thinking about making a room for her in our house, so that if she would ever be comfortable enough to come over to visit us, that we would have a room for her to spend the night, and that if she wanted, we could look at colours today while we're together. She said it was too much. Then I told her that I cared for her and that the room was my expression of how much she means to me," I reported to him hoping this would give him the information he needed.

"Darling, I think she went into shock," he told me.

"Okay …" I had no idea what that was. "What can I do to help her?" I asked.

"Do you have any blankets in the car?" he questioned.

"No, Carlisle," I answered irritated, "I don't."

He was thinking like a doctor and forgetting some basic stuff like vampires don't need blankets and therefore don't have them in cars. I realized too late that he must be quite upset.

"Right, of course," he said after a few seconds sounded briefly flustered with his English accent quite pronounced.

Usually those types of moments would have tickled me, but not this time. Bella's state prevented me from feeling anything but concern.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I told him apologetically. "I didn't mean to talk to you in such a way."

"Nor did I intend the manner I spoke to you previous. Easily forgivable when we're both struggling with something new."

"Of course you're right," I told him.

"Use your jacket or anything else you have to cover her up. Does the car have heated seats?" he asked me obviously trying to find an alternative.

I looked. There was a button on the side console that indicated that might be the case. "Yes, I believe so."

"Turn that on a low setting, put your coat over her and the heat of the car on medium. Did she bring a bag or anything?"

"Not that I saw," I told him.

"Do you have anything in the car from your last trip for her?"

"Let me check." I turned to Bella. "Bella, I'm just going to go open the trunk of the car and look for something for a minute. Be right back." I got out and checked the trunk. No luck. Then I opened the back door and found a half-full water bottle. "I found some water," I told him.

"She'll need that when she comes to, so keep it. Just sit by her, keep talking. I'm close. Where are you parked?"

I gave him the directions.

"I'll be there soon."

"Be safe, love."

"Always."

Hanging up I put the phone on the dash and turned back to Bella unable to reconcile my words, Bella's reaction, and Carlisle's diagnosis that she was in shock, whatever that was.

"Hey, darling. I guess you get to see Carlisle after all," I told her hoping that she would find my words soothing.

She had yet to tell me if she even wanted to see Carlisle, although in our discussions she hadn't said anything to express an overt objection. Her reactions had been to the house rather than to seeing us, so hopefully that meant something. Even though I needed his help, I hated the idea that she would be upset at me for calling him. Looking at her closely, it was as if she had shut down and was no longer present, so I wasn't sure if her non-response to me meant much. I hoped she wouldn't mind and wouldn't be upset to see him.

"Carlisle's on his way," I told her soothingly. "I had to ask for help again. I really am no doctor."

Hoping that my talking might aid her in some way, I stated slowly and softly whatever came to mind that I thought she might want to hear.

"I know how to make food for fundraisers and be a doctor's wife, but that's not really the same as being a doctor. It's been so long since I have needed to care for a human that none of it has remained. Of course, I kept the basics of how to cook and I seem to do all right. No one has gotten sick, at least, through the years. Wouldn't that be the talk of the town–doctor's wife poisoned people at fundraiser. Good golly. No pressure, right?

"It's not that I mind being a doctor's wife. Carlisle is a doctor and I am his wife, but initially it was a challenge to adjust to. Back in the day being a doctor's wife was a full-time job if you had no kids, and a part-time one if you did. There were fundraisers for this or that, banquets to organize, and formal dinners to attend. I was a farming girl. What did I know about table etiquette and proper attire? Poor Carlisle made up some illness that I had in those early years claiming I couldn't do much organizing, but if they had some task I could do at home, I would do those. I wrote a lot of cards, addressed a lot of envelopes, and cooked a lot of food. For better or worse, those skills aren't much use anymore, as Doctor's wives haven't done most of those things in the last few decades."

Even though I wanted to tell her more about those years, particularly since I promised her, I also didn't want to do it when she had no acknowledgement of my words. So, I decided to change the topic.

"I hope that what I said didn't upset you, Bella. I care deeply for you. I don't know how to open up my heart halfway. And when I care about someone I express that by taking care of the person. My other kids and husband are self-sufficient physically. It's one of the things that brings me such joy in having you around. With you I get to express my affection to you in ways that they don't need. I just wanted to make you feel welcome and wanted. I don't know other ways of showing you how much you mean to me than taking you places, making you food, and giving you a room.

"Sometimes the kids complain that my doting is too much, but they always seem to appreciate it. Right now, everyone has a bedroom, Carlisle has an office, Jasper has a library, Alice has a workroom, I have an art space, Emmett has a space for his games, and Rosalie has the garage. In each of the houses I try to incorporate the light and the build of the original house. So, in every house the space that I give to each person is different, even though the function is nearly the same, and Rosalie's garage is nearly exactly the same everywhere.

Not sure what else to say on that topic, I changed it once more. "I finished those paintings of Carlisle I was telling you about and I started working on a new project. I haven't been this inspired to paint in many years," I paused considering how long it really had been, "perhaps in over five decades. All of a sudden, since I got that tale, I can't seem to stop the impotence to paint. I'm not complaining mind you, it's just –"

The passenger door opened.

"What speed were you driving at, Carlisle Cullen?" I chided him my mouth agape to see him already.

I was also slightly embarrassed that I hadn't taken note of his approach. What if it had been someone with ill intent? I had to remember in the future not to get so lost in the moment.

"Top speed," he answered nonplussed.

I shook my head indulgently. It wasn't like him to push the vehicles in such a way, but obviously, he had been in a hurry, and for good reason if the look on his face was any indication.

"Esme, would you go into the convenience shop across the street and get a sugar packet, which should be found near the coffee station, some soda, and some food with salt in it, please," he instructed.

"Anything you need," I let him know.

Grabbing my bag, I went searching for the items he asked for.

"Bella," I heard him say, "I need to lay you down some. I'm going to unbuckle you and recline the chair as much as possible. Esme went to get you some things to eat and drink."

As fast as I could humanly go, I got the items he had requested and returned. Bella looked better. He had turned her to her side facing the centre console and was rubbing her back. I got into the driver's seat and put her hands inside mine.

"Come back to us, darling. You're okay. You're safe. We want you." Then I just repeated that over and over slowly like a mantra. Gradually she seemed to come out of her state.

"You want me?" were the first words out of her mouth.

"Yes, unequivocally," I answered her.

She closed her eyes. "I must be dreaming," she breathed to herself. "That's not possible. They left. I must be dreaming," she repeated multiple times nearly silently to herself.

Looking over to Carlisle he appeared as uncertain and confused as I felt.

I turned back to her. "Truth, Bella," I said attempting to assure her. "I didn't want to leave. I've wanted you to be my daughter from the first time we met. Simply by your presence you irrevocably changed the household. You brought such wonderful things, and you reminded me so much of who I used to be, of the person I was before Charles took me apart piece by piece. In my heart, you became a part of me, but I believed that you weren't mine to keep. You were Charlie's and Renée's. You had parents who loved you, who would miss you. I lost my child. I could never wish that on someone else. Thus, I didn't believe it right to steal you from them. I'm so sorry Bella. Talk to me, please. Tell me what's wrong." I spoke softly into her ear wanting to ensure that anybody passing by wouldn't overhear us.

She blinked rapidly.

"You would have taken me with you?" she asked disbelieving.

"Without a shadow of a doubt, my darling girl. If that had been the right thing to do, I wouldn't have blinked. I would take you now. It would devastate Charlie, though. I didn't want to hurt him. I couldn't do that to him. You're his flesh and blood daughter, Bella. Who am I to steal you away?"

"You want me?" she asked in the same tone.

"Unequivocally," I repeated adding more force to my words.

Her whole body shook as if rejecting my words. Finally, she muttered under her breath, "But he said …"

Carlisle looked the most aggrieved I had seen in a long time. "Bella, you must believe me when I say that he did not speak for all of us."

Bella winced and grabbed at her chest like I had seen her do before.

"She responds like that to any reference to Edward," I told Carlisle in our subhuman murmur.

Carlisle's eyes met mine, but continued speaking to Bella at a human pace without pause. "I have no idea what he said to you."

She flinched once more and Carlisle's eyebrows came together in thought.

"I can only tell you my truth," I jumped in. "I didn't agree with us leaving; I left anyway; I wished I hadn't; I wanted to take you with us, but didn't; I wanted to say goodbye, but didn't. There are so many ways in which I acted in what I thought was best for the family and what was best for you, while also against what I wanted to do, but never, not once did I not hold you in my heart, want you, or miss you. Words will never convey how wrong I was or how sorry I am."

Her shaking had calmed somewhat and her breathing and heart rate seemed more like her regular tempo, but she was staring out into space again.

"I owe you the greatest of apologies, Bella," Carlisle began his tone deeper than usual remorseful and sad. "I hope one day you will give me a chance to tell you more fully how sorry I am. I cannot change the past and my horrendous mistakes to you or to Esme, but I can swear to you that Esme speaks the truth. You are wanted. And we are here for you no matter what." Carlisle used the same soft quiet pitch as I had.

"Even though …" she asked as her breathing hitched.

"No matter what," was his firm answer a little louder than before.

She began to turn slightly to her right so that she was on her back. She looked back and forth between us.

"I must be dreaming. This is too much like a dream come true. First Edward and then Carlisle and Esme. I must really be losing it," she said to herself under her breath.

I looked at Carlisle who had his doctor calculating look.

"Bella, have you seen Edward since September?" he asked with our persuasive almost hypnotic tone staring into her eyes.

Her pupils dilated and a fake drug-induced smile crossed her face.

* * *

 _A/N: Once more I changed the chapter significantly enough that any writing errors are mine._

 _I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this chapter and the story generally._


	14. The Cost of Lies

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 9 Mar 18)

* * *

 **Chapter 14: The Cost of Lies  
**

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Despite my attempts, I could not recall ever seeing Carlisle hypnotize a human like he had Bella. Given his strong opinions in opposition to us using our predatory tools against humans combined with the protective mother part of me, what he was doing alarmed and upset me. I trusted Carlisle to take care of Bella, yet I didn't know what to make of his behaviour. Looking at Carlisle sternly resulted in no reaction, as his total concentration was on her. A part of me wanted to protect Bella from what he was doing, and another part of me knew I could trust Carlisle implicitly.

"Oh, yes," Bella nodded her tone flat and detached. "Anytime I did something dangerous he would show up and tell me not to do it."

How had Edward shown up? He had been tracking Victoria. Her response made no sense.

Rather than be confused Carlisle asked in that same hypnotic tone, "Was he solid like me and Esme or could you see through him?"

She paused before responding the same monotone way. "He was mostly see-through, and he only showed up sometimes. He was there when I talked with those bikers in Port Angeles, and when I rode the motorcycle with Jake, and when I saw Laurent. He hasn't come back since, but Alice has and Esme has. That's almost good enough."

"Bella, I need you to compare when you saw Edward verses seeing Esme or Alice, and tell me the differences you noticed. Were Esme and Alice see-through?" he asked his voice half-way doctor and half-way hypnotic.

She thought staring into space. "Um, no."

Whatever they were talking about made no sense to me, although Carlisle seemed to be following her fine enough.

"Did Esme send you a letter? Something you could smell and see and touch?" he asked mostly in his doctor's tone.

"Yes …" she said slowly and reluctantly.

"Where are you?" he questioned his tone completely in doctor mode.

"In Esme's new car that Rosalie recommended," she said by rote.

"That's right," he encouraged. "What day is it?" he asked continuing to sound like he was completely in doctor mode.

Looking at him confused, I wondered what the date had to do with anything.

"Saturday the 7th," Bella replied as if she was expecting his question. Then strangely she looked at him like she wasn't sure how he got there. Then she met my eyes searching for reassurance.

"What do you last remember?" Carlisle asked Bella.

She looked back at him. "Um … I gave Esme a hug?" she answered searching me. I nodded in agreement. "And thanked her for wanting to give me some space in your house. She asked me to get buckled up. I apologized. She told me that she wouldn't live it down if something happened to me." She paused. "Um … I'm not sure after that." She watched Carlisle her features apologetic.

"Anything else?" he checked.

She focused on me. "Then you were here asking me about Esme sending me a letter?"

"You're not sure?" he verified.

"It's a little foggy," she admitted blushing. "I think that's what happened next. It's just that doesn't make sense. So, I'm a little confused."

He looked at me.

"You're right," I told her softly hoping to comfort her. "We were talking and you got re-buckled in your seatbelt. I told you that I cared about you and then you froze. I was so worried that I called Carlisle, who told me what to do, and I sat with you talking to you until he arrived. I got you some stuff in case. Carlisle said you might need it. I have some water, a soda, a bag of chips, and a snack bar labelled Nature Valley."

She looked at me and then back at Carlisle. "Soda please?"

"Sure," I told her grabbing it. After opening the top, I handed it to her.

With Carlisle's help she sat herself up a little, and then began to drink it. After a few minutes, she looked at Carlisle hesitantly. "Hi, Carlisle," she mumbled and her eyes dropped to the bottle. "Long time no see."

"Hi, Bella. How have you been?" he asked concerned, but attempting to sound neutral.

"Not so bad. You?" she asked conversationally.

He smiled sadly. "Not so great, honestly. My wife forced me into a sabbatical, I've moved my family across the country twice in less than six months, and am deeply worried about you."

She frowned. "I'm fine," she said through clenched teeth. "No need to worry," she insisted.

"Your file grew while I was away," Carlisle said softly.

"Humph," was all she uttered while she shrugged keeping her eyes on the dash.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked in his doctor tone.

"Sure, sure. I'm fine."

His smile was grim. "Could you choose another adjective, please?" he asked in a tone that was almost seductive intended to fool humans.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm worse than I was last summer, but better than before you returned." Her eyes jumped up to his and she glared at him defiantly.

"Much better," he told her. "Thank you for your honesty. Since you were honest, may I please get in the car and tell you something?"

She nodded in agreement, but her eyes grew and she showed all the signs of fear.

"Watch yourself," Carlisle warned her right before he closed the car door.

Then he opened the back-passenger door and climbed in, bringing his medical bag into the car first. He slid in so that he was behind the middle console. We turned to face him. Bella's back was against the dash and her legs in the seat. I grabbed Bella's hand, which seemed warmer than normal, hoping to comfort her.

Her ability to act in the midst or despite her fear was impressive.

"Bella, I owe you the greatest of apologies," he told her once her body had calmed some.

"Carlisle stop," Bella interrupted. "Look Esme apologized, Alice apologized. I'll tell you what I told them. I get it. You did what you thought was best for your family. Esme explained that you decided that you guys were wrong to leave Forks and so came back."

"Please, Bella," Carlisle stated firmly giving her no room to disagree.

She crossed her arms defiantly reminding me of Rosalie.

Carlisle watched her carefully schooling his features, but his eyes twinkled. His voice was firm and gentle. "No matter what Esme or Alice have said, it is important that I say this, because I am the leader of our family. I am not a dictator and I always listen to what everyone has to say, but in the end my vote decides what the family does. Every decision ends with me. I am responsible for the family moving, leaving Forks, and leaving you."

She winced slightly and then glared at him. "Then you're also responsible for coming back," she argued interrupting him again.

He successfully contained any reaction. "That had more to do with my wise wife shaking some sense into me, but yes, I suppose that's true," he agreed keeping a close eye on her.

"I swear you Cullens like to wear the world on your shoulders," she stated emphatically and in an exasperated tone staring at him. Speaking each word slowly and then between each word pausing, as if punctuating each one, she told him, "You made a mistake." Her tone was nearly as if she thought Carlisle dunce.

This whip of a human girl was putting him in his place saying what I had been trying to get through to him, which was hilarious in my book. I successfully kept my features neutral, but Carlisle's eyes took me in and appeared like he wanted to frown at my enjoyment in watching them interact.

Bella took in a breath and her tone softened some, but she continued emphatically. "It's a part of living. You live and learn. You learned from your mistake, and from the apology you started, it sounds like you have no intention of doing it again." There was sadness there in her features and then fierce determination. When she spoke again her ire was clear. "You are not God," she punctuated each word clear with a full stop after each one. Then she continued in a similar manner. "You are not infallible." She breathed heavily outward as if her words had exhausted her. She looked at him directly a slight smile on her face. She looked so accepting and caring as she told him, "It's okay. I get it. I make mistakes too. Esme's been helping me do better with mine. I forgive you. It's okay," she spoke in a whisper by the end. Then her voice took in a hard tone once more, although there was no volume. "Can we just move on?"

Carlisle looked at me with a lost look in his eyes.

I just looked back giving nothing away enjoying watching my husband learn along with the rest of us.

"Are you sure, Bella?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes," she answered firmly. "No more apologies." She took her right hand out from across her chest and placed it on his, which were near the console. "I don't need more apologies. I'm good."

"All right." He looked at me uncertainly and then his features shifted into the ones he gets when he is the leader of our family. "Esme was going to talk to you about something on behalf of the family, but since I'm here anyway, if it's okay with you Esme, I'd like to tell her."

"Sure, that's fine with me," I told him.

Bella looked back and forth between us. Then she scowled at Carlisle her heartbeat increasing some.

Lowering his voice to a human whisper he told her, "Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper went to Seattle Thursday during the day to see if they could find out what was causing the trouble there."

She winced. Her heart rate increased even more and adrenaline entered her system. I cracked my window slightly and mouthed "Sorry" to her. She nodded in understanding. Carlisle searched her to see if she was okay and took an unusually deep breath.

"They found a coven living together in an abandoned building. Jasper guessed that there were up to nine, and he believes they are young."

"Nine," she breathed out solemnly. She shook her head. "I don't understand. I thought your family was large and most groups are only in ones or twos."

"Yes," he answered. "It is odd. We don't understand it much ourselves." Carlisle paused obviously evaluating Bella.

"I'm fine," she uttered firmly, "please continue."

He gave her one more once over and took a deep breath. Knowing Carlisle, I bet he was cataloguing her physical responses with those breaths he was taking.

"Alice joined them today to try to get more information. When we decided that they would go, she saw that the group had moved. They are going to spend the day seeing if they can find their new hideout. Alice is fairly confident that they will."

"And then?" she asked breathlessly.

"Then, they will hide and watch to see what's happening. They will return tomorrow."

"Alice?" she squeaked.

"Can take care of herself," he assured her firmly. "I wouldn't have let them go if I had concerns. You know how quickly they took care of James. No harm will come to them."

She nodded, but her eyes looked vacant.

"Excuse me," she muttered before she turned, opened the door, and vomited onto the street.

Once she had brought herself back up and closed the door, he grabbed a handkerchief, one I had given him in the first decade of our marriage, and handed it to her looking at her very concerned.

She took it, turned it over examining it, and then used it to wipe her mouth. Then she reached for the coke and took some swigs.

"So?" Bella uttered her tone making no sense to me.

"Please, Bella, talk to us," I pleaded with her.

After taking some deep breaths and some more gulps she looked at both of us sternly. "So, let me get this right. It's possible that there are up to nine non-vegetarians living in Seattle as one group, and you sent Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper to find them in order to _report back_?" Her tone was scathing.

"Yes," he stated decisively. Carlisle's face was firm and calm, but his eyes were worried. After a moment he told her, "Jasper is well trained for this kind of thing, and Alice will see anything coming. They are a formidable team. There's no need to worry."

"Right," she retorted sarcastically. She looked at me. "Esme was saying something about Jasper training her."

"What do you know about Jasper?" he hedged.

"Um, that he's an empath, that he struggles the most with being vegetarian, and that he came from a different background and family than you guys."

"All true," he confirmed his worry over her clear in his tone. "He is, well, was, a soldier. It's his story to tell. Needless to say, however, he is _very_ well trained, the best of all of us by far. And they have Emmett one of the strongest vampires I have ever come across outside of Volterra."

She smiled in longing, but she seemed calmer.

"Obviously, these are not things we can talk about over the phone, otherwise we would have told you sooner. Know that we have no intention of keeping you in the dark."

"Do I get a vote?" she asked cautiously.

We both looked at her our mouths hanging open slightly shocked at her question.

She was as bold as Rosalie for sure.

Immediately she looked between us sheepishly. After a moment, she told us sounding embarrassment, "Well, before when you moved, you asked about my opinions on things. Esme told me I got a vote. And it would seem that some of my requests were included in the final decisions."

"Yes, that's true," he agreed his tone indicating that he was waiting for her to explain herself fully.

"So, do I get a vote about this?" she pressed him.

"I don't know," he sputtered. "I took in account your requests about moving, because that was directly about you."

"And things going on in Seattle aren't?" she asked seething looking offended.

Her ability to talk in code despite being upset impressed me.

He looked at me for help.

I wasn't giving him any.

"You don't fully understand what you're asking," Carlisle told Bella trying to convince her solely with a look that she shouldn't have a vote as diplomatically as he could.

"Fine," she retorted. "Explain it to me." She crossed her arms once more taking her hand off of his and waited.

He eyed her carefully and took in another deep breath before he spoke. "There are hours of strategy and small decisions about what way to go about things and what to do in different situations. It took over five days before we were agreed about the first time they went to Seattle and two days for the trip happening today. You have school and homework, work, not to mention your dad, and sleep."

"I see," she replied and I could see the gears in her brain turning. "So, what about Alice?" she challenged him.

I schooled my features insuring that the grin wanting to escape didn't. Bella would make a great Cullen. I had always known that, but watching her interact with Carlisle in this way made it seemed like she was already one.

"She follows most of it from her visions and then gets the rest when she gets home," he told her his eyes betraying just a hint of worry of where she was heading with this. Good thing he had years of Rosalie, Alice, and Edward behind him.

"And you?" she challenged.

"Are filled in when I get home," he replied.

Her eyes watered. "I see," she said sadly. "You think I'll slow your process down."

He frowned and looked upset. "No," he refuted. "That's not what I said at all."

"Then why can't I be filled in?" she pressed him looking sad.

"It's not that you can't," he said assuring her. "It's that I thought it would be unfair to you, since you already have so many other responsibilities. Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie have nothing filling their day except this. They have the time."

"So, it's _fair_ to ask me if I want you to come back, but _unfair_ to ask me if I want you to fight a coven of nine?" Her tone was scathing, despite it being at a low volume.

He paused in thought. "All right, Bella. If I were to grant you a vote, how would you manage it?"

Her body appeared more buoyant even though she was still scowling. "Well, Alice can fill me in after school about the last days' stuff and tell me what you're voting on and then relay my vote. If I don't understand or feel like I don't have enough information to make an informed decision, I'll abstain," she told him and then deepened her crossed arms like this was completely obvious.

I worked to keep my features neutral rather than laughing at my husband.

"And work?" he pressed her, although I could tell that a part of him wanted to give in.

"On the days I work, she can sneak in after I've had dinner with my father and explain it all until I go to sleep," Bella answered matter-of-factly.

He shook his head. "You are a dangerous woman, Miss Swan. You remind me of a Miss Platt I had the pleasure to meet. And Rosalie, if I think about it." He smiled. "All right, Bella, I will agree to take your suggestion and request back with me. I will need at least a few days to consider things."

"Sure, I understand," she said, but she looked like she had received the best gift ever.

"I'll send Esme or Alice to talk to you, if we are agreed for you to have a vote. Otherwise, we'll call to let you know the answer was no."

She nodded pleased with herself.

"In the meantime, there's something else for you to consider, and you need to think about this seriously."

She looked at him with wide eyes and a scowl.

"We have a treaty with the Quileutes. By asking for this, you are asking to vote as if you are a family member, which would place you as a Cullen in the treaty. That means that you can't talk to any of the Quileutes about what you know and learn. Everything for our family goes through me to Billy Black. He is their representative. I am ours."

"Oh," she stated and her mouth seemed stuck in that position.

"Any questions?" he asked a few minutes later.

"Could I still go to La Push?" she asked sadly.

"Yes, technically, although I would have heavy reservations about you doing so, mostly because I'm concerned that they might try to pressure you into talking about things that you cannot say."

"But if they say stuff I can tell you?" she wondered.

"I wouldn't ask you to be a spy. That would go against the spirit of the treaty." Carlisle frowned deeply obviously upset about her suggestion.

Bella sat in thought. Eventually she told us, "I see. Can I think about it?"

"I think that's wise, Bella," he agreed.

"I can see why now you said that you didn't think it would be fair to me," she admitted.

His features relaxed. "I'm glad. I truly am not trying to keep secrets from you, Bella. My simple and genuine wish to see you become well again."

"That's fine and I get it. You're a doctor." Suddenly her calm features once more took on a defiant look. "But don't treat me like I'm made of glass or as if I were an infant."

"Fair enough," he agreed gently, although I could see that the strength of her statement surprised him.

Her words and tone confused me. Clearly, though, they meant a great deal to her.

She eyed him carefully for many long minutes before she turned and looked at me appearing exhausted.

"Are you ready for some tea or coffee now?" I asked her gently.

"A coffee shop at least," she replied sounding tired.

I looked at Carlisle.

"That's my cue to leave," he told us both. He turned to her, "Good seeing you, Bella. I hope to see you again soon, but under better circumstances."

"Maybe Friday," she muttered angrily.

He looked at me, but didn't ask any questions. "That sounds good," he told her obviously confused about her tone.

He leaned in, kissed me on the cheek, and got out of the car mouthing I love you as he went. "Be safe," he told me as he closed the door.

"Please be mindful of the roads as you drive home," I told him as he walked away.

"Yes, dear," he replied as he got into his vehicle.

"Will he?" Bella asked once the car was moving.

"Will he what?" I asked her confused by her question.

"Will he be mindful driving home?"

Three dozen blocks behind us I found the coffee shop and parked as I answered, "Yes, he will because I asked. He usually obeys the traffic laws, but he was worried about you and so pushed the car to get here."

As she got out of the car carefully and lost in thought she asked, "He was worried?"

Coming over to her, I put my arm around her shoulder and together we walked to the shop. "He worries about you."

"Because he's a doctor," she stated in resignation.

I stopped and turned her towards me speaking slowly. "No, Bella, because he cares about you."

"But, but, but," she stuttered.

I waited watching her features shift from confusion into sadness. Eventually I prodded her, "But what?"

"But Edward has been with him the longest. But he's always friendly and kind. But he's not warm and inviting like you Esme. But," she added and then said nothing more as she looked down at her feet.

"Bella," I warned her, "look at me."

Slowly her head came up looking chastised with a fire of defiance in her eyes.

"Truth now, Bella, and I need you to listen well, because you're not going to like what I have to say."

She nodded, but her body language said that she didn't believe me and was angry that I had used my motherly tone on her.

This was the hard part about being a mother, speaking the truth, even when my children didn't want to hear it, but saying it in a way that they would receive the lesson they needed.

"The truth is that you do not know us very well. You cannot possibly expect to understand everything about my husband after such a short period of time when I don't always fully understand him. We are complex complicated creatures and it is arrogant of you to think you understand my husband's sentiments towards you when you have never asked him."

All the fight went out of her, her lips quivered, she brought it under her teeth, and she looked down. "Sorry, Esme," she mumbled.

Hugging her I assured her, "That's all right. We are all learning."

Releasing her we walked into the café, and I asked her, "So you still willing to go colour shopping with me after?"

Her feet shifted oddly. "Yes, Esme. I'll do that. I don't want anything fancy." By the end of her reply she seemed to be almost pleading with me.

"Bed? Desk? Lamp? Small dresser for a few pyjamas and change of clothes?" I checked.

"Bed no larger than a double. A small room," she emphasized, "simple."

"That's not a problem, Bella," I confirmed.

"In that case, I'll go with you," she agreed with a heavy sigh.

"Wonderful," I replied pleased.

We sat down and, like at the café in Seattle, I ordered as well and then when she was done, switched her empty plate for my full one.

"How have you been?" I asked her gently when she seemed more settled in.

"Fine," she answered bashfully her cheeks filling slightly with blood.

With a slight smile on my face I told her, "Now, see, if you hadn't just had a poor reaction to me telling you that I made a room for you, I might believe you. Try again," I urged her.

She huffed and eyed me. "Things are okay, Esme, truly. I'm passing my classes, working, you know all the stuff."

"What about college?" I pressed.

"Yes, mom," she whined, "I'm applying to colleges." Then her cheeks were so filled with blood the capillaries looked like they would almost burst.

Taking her hand in mine, I patted it gently. "Good," I stated although I wanted to press her more about it, I didn't, as her embarrassment seemed intense. Maybe there would be an opportunity to next time. "How are things with Jake?" I asked instead.

"We're okay," she said with relief and disappointment. "Back to our regular, but we aren't seeing each other as much as before he got sick."

Smiling at her sly way of saying he became a shapeshifter, I pressed her, "No more dangerous things since cliff diving?"

She frowned. "Honestly, I haven't felt the need to do anything like that since."

"I'm glad to hear that," I told her earnestly.

She paused like she wanted to say something more and I waited for her to gather her thoughts and courage.

Looking down at the table, she began, "I had an epiphany of sorts as I fell into the water."

Touching her hand, I told her, "I had something similar when I did the same."

She smiled sadly at me with a look of understanding that only can be shared between two people who have gone through something similar enough circumstances to recognise themselves in the other.

"I had no desire to die," she insisted vehemently, even though she was speaking under her breath. "Since the fallout from my birthday, I felt either excruciating pain or dull numbness. The first time I did something dangerous allowed me to feel something other than those two options. With that new feeling, I dared to hope that one day I could carve out enough pretence at normalcy to stop my father from worrying.

"I'm glad you're back, really Esme, but laying on the beach puking up water I realized that your return isn't some magical cure. I had wanted to feel alive again, like I had that first time. It was dumb and I nearly lost my life over it, but it changed me somehow. As the water came closer and closer I realised that _he_ was right. I need to live my life. I might never move on completely, but I also can't allow his distractions to stop me from mine." By the last sentence her tone was cutting and harsh, something that seemed out of place.

Looking at her tenderly, I said nothing fearing that any words at all might stop this outpouring and although much of what she said puzzled or confused me, I refused to ask.

She took in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "I love _him_. Whether that love is returned or not is a moot point. I gave my heart away, and I can't change that now, but I can choose how I face today and then tomorrow. I'm going to make my father proud and show him that his faith in me wasn't undeserved. Just please, Esme, I'm begging, don't leave without saying goodbye. I don't' think I can live through that twice."

"Anything you need," I answered after a moment's pause to collect myself. I had no intention of leaving her, but anything else that came to mind sounded trite.

We spent the next hour with her chatting about inconsequential things, but it seemed like what she needed. Then we went to the hardware store and checked out colours with her sharing what had happened to Charlie's friend Harry as well as how her mother was doing.

"How are you feeling about Carlisle's news?" I asked softly once we were in the car heading back to Forks.

"Terrified," she admitted, and then added, "but I'm also glad he told me."

Nodding I watched her out of the corner of my eye. "It was Rosalie's idea."

Her mouth dropped open and she spluttered, "Rosalie?"

"Yes, she convinced everyone that you had a right to know," I informed her. "She believed you tough enough to handle it."

"Huh," was all she said, and I let it go.

The rest of our trip was made in silence, as she seemed lost in thought.

When we arrived at Newton's for her to collect her truck, she turned to me and asked, "Why would Rosalie advocate for me?"

"That's a great question. Perhaps you can ask her next time," I encouraged her. "We're all complicated creatures, Bella, but Rosalie is particularly so, and she's changing."

"Yeah, you keep telling me that," she grumbled.

Smiling I told her, "You don't have to take my word for it."

"Uh-huh," she muttered. "Is this your sneaky way to get me to come over?"

My smile increased. "No sneakiness at all. You know I want you to come over."

She frowned. "Soon," she agreed reluctantly.

"Whenever you're ready, Bella," I stated firmly. "It's not like we're getting any older."

She chuckled. "Wow, Esme, three jokes since your return. You're getting to be quite the Emmett."

Smiling at her, I told her, as she opened the door and exited the car, "Drive safe."

She didn't reply, appearing lost in thought as she walked to her car and drove away.

It wasn't much longer, after I returned to the house, that the kids returned from Seattle. They reported that they had found the house, but not the maker. This time they had followed the group into Seattle and with the help of Alice found two of them playing with cars and brutally murdering the car's occupants.

"That neighbourhood doesn't have CCTV, and Alice checked for other alternative exposures," Jasper reported clearly agitated, "but if a human had seen, recorded it, or anything like that, it's just too much risk! They are the worst kind of newborns. On top of them not being taught properly, with human advancement in technology, the risk is higher that some human bystander will acquire proof of our existence. If their maker was watching for that, then that would be one thing, but they are completely unsupervised. My hacking skills and Alice's gift only goes so far," he grunted out.

Carlisle nodded for him to continue.

"We ended the two that were causing the destruction we witnessed and spent the whole night cleaning up the mess staging it and fixing things so that it looked like a more human event. Since our decision to follow was last minute, Rosalie and Alice had wear stolen police clothes to distract the few humans that wondered by. Then we came home. We can't have a repeat of events like that."

The conversation then continued with each of them giving details. Needless to say, even though they had covered up what the newborns had done, doing so had increased their risk and the risk to the family. It was a bad situation and Jasper was unnerved. The one thing everyone had agreed on was to run perimeter checks in pairs around the clock.

Over the next week things with Bella were uneventful. The house, however, was full of planning, strategies, and construction. Jasper had buried himself in information acquisition. Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice, with minimal input from Jasper, began the preparation and story work necessary to open up a car repair shop within the neutral territory. And I roped everyone when he or she was available into my project.

One day when Carlisle and I were out hunting I asked him, "How did the conversation with the Denalis go?"

"I ended up speaking to Eleazar as, according to him, when I called Tanya wasn't home, because she and Kate had dragged Irina into town and they were looking to distract her with their brand of entertainment." He frowned but continued. "He was sympathetic to the situation and understood the Quileutes' lack of knowledge of what Laurent meant to Irina, and thus our family. He said that he would explain everything to the girls. I haven't heard from them since, but I would suspect that Irina would not take the news as well as Eleazar."

I nodded figuring that their family needed time to digest the information. We had needed time, and we hadn't know Laurent as well as they had.

"Did you get through to Edward this week?" I asked hoping for good news.

"No, he still hasn't answered. It must be powered off, because it goes straight to voicemail," he told me sadly.

"Alice says he is holed up somewhere in Brazil. Perhaps he simply hadn't had the chance to charge it," I told him my hope apparent.

"Perhaps," he assured me, but there was no strength in it.

"Carlisle," I whispered softly.

He looked up at me with deep sadness and a look communicating that he already knew my question.

"Is it normal for humans to see apparitions like Bella described?" I asked slowly watching Carlisle become even more upset.

"No," he answered he voice full of despair. "That type of symptom usually signals a significant mental illness."

Gasping I begged him by my look to fix this.

"The only good news in her story was that her visions of Edward have stopped since we returned," he told me.

"Why would she only see him when she was doing something dangerous?" I wondered.

"My best guess would be that, since he had saved her from danger before, it was situations where her mind was having him return to once more keep her safe, but I can't really say for sure," he explained.

"This isn't good, is it?" I questioned.

"No, it's really not," he replied.

Evaluating my husband, he appeared lost in thought again. He seemed to be more contemplative than usual since he had come and assisted me with Bella last weekend. Her room was almost complete. Alice and I were especially excited to see what she had thought of it. On an even better note, a few days ago Bella had told Alice that she would visit Friday after school. The whole house was excited to have her over, some more nervous than others, but my poor husband had been almost melancholy.

"Talk to me Carlisle," I urged him.

He looked up at me heavily.

"My whole life I have set out to heal others and to live compassionately," he began, pausing almost as if the rest of the words were stuck within him.

Going over to him I took his hands, the dead deer carcass he had just finished sitting beside us still slightly warm. I looked into his eyes, watching him struggle, and waited.

He looked over to the deer and back at me. "I know when I bit the four of you I took your human life, but I also hoped that giving you life as a vampire would make up for the loss. Rosalie and Edward have struggled with our nature and way of living, but overall I still believe it was a decent bargain. But seeing Bella like that," he stopped himself and after a few seconds continued, "seeing the pain I caused," he stopped and then started again, "the damage I did from my decision …" He locked eyes on me and after a long thirty seconds asked, "How could you forgive me? How can she?"

He appeared so old, so weighted down.

His confession burdened me. His pain was my pain. At the same time, his confession liberated me. My snarling at him in Ithaca had been a reasonable emotional reaction given the stimuli. Yet, we had moved past it. Hadn't we?

With everything swimming within me, it took me a long time to find the words I needed to say. "Because Carlisle I see the good intention. Because I know you would never cause harm on purpose. Because you are allowed to make mistakes. You have forgiven mine. How many lives did you forgive in those first years? Are you no less deserving of forgiveness than I? You, at least, have no one's death on your hands."

"No, just a broken girl," he uttered despondently.

"Bella said that you are forgiven," I reminded him, "and we are helping her heal. She will recover."

"Will she?" he asked doubtfully.

"Yes," I replied with certainty and then added, "Maybe not fully without Edward, but enough. Did what she say not indicate that our return has helped her?"

He looked down ashamed. "Is it enough that I am here now with you despite my past follies?"

"Yes, Carlisle," I stated emphatically and with some irritation. "Why are you holding onto this?"

He looked up. "Honestly, Esme, I'm not. It just seems like about the time I move through one aspect, a new one is revealed to me. Before seeing Bella like that, I could not have imagined that a human could become so attached to us to cause that kind of reaction. They usually flee from us, or lust after us, or are jealous of us, but love us, and to have bonded with us in such a short period of time? No, that was not something I could have predicted. And my lack of being able to conceive of that possibility cost you so much."

"Perhaps it is because she is meant to be ours just like I was meant for this life?" I questioned hopeful that it was true.

He certainly would be able to see the hope in my eyes. "Perhaps. Without Edward here, she may not choose us at all. And the damage is done."

Whatever driving thought had caused his response I didn't like it. "Carlisle! I need you to hear me," I told him sternly.

That got his attention.

"Yes, us leaving without saying goodbye hurt her," I agreed with him, "but I believe it was whatever Edward told her upon his leaving that caused the most damage. She has now said more than one thing to suggest that Edward lied to her. You never lied to me. You never enquiring upon me was hurtful, and, yes, I was never the same after our introduction to one another. I had given my heart to you. But you never lied. He did. I don't know what lies he told, but whatever he said rocked that poor girl. You didn't do that. We played our part in damaging her. That much is true. We are not without reproach, but do not take on his mistakes and make them yours. He is his own person and you are not responsible for whatever crimes he has committed."

"Not even a little?" he teased softly gazing at me.

"No. Not even a little," I told him emphatically.

He nodded. "I know that. I do. Thank you for the reminder. So, how are we going to help make her well?"

"By doting on her, wanting her, making those things clear to her, and feeding her." I chuckled at what Charlotte or even Kate might say about us attempting to fatten a human up.

"Don't forget roping everyone in to moving walls and redesigning the second floor," he teased.

"No, we can't forget that." I pouted teasing him back. "Especially as I rearranged the use of the rooms on the third floor as well."

"Or that. At least my office didn't change," he smiled at my joy before he added, "except," his face growing solemn.

"Except," I agreed.

He held my cheeks in his hands and kissed me.

"He will come home." After a heavy pause he continued, "You are a wondrous creature, Esme," he purred letting go the sadness we both shared in being one son short. "Let's bury our food and get home so that you may finish your project."

I kissed him deeply before pulling back and telling him with everything within me, "I love you, Dr. Cullen."

"And I you, Miss Platt."

When we got home the kids were busy finishing up the construction on the rooms that weren't Bella's, and were getting close to having the decoration finishing touches complete in Bella's room. A few hours later Alice went off to school, and Carlisle went off to work.

A little after noon, Bella's room nearly complete, Rosalie asked, "Do you think she'll ever use it?"

"I hope so, Rose," I replied. "It might take a little bit, but I think she will. For now, it's the act of making her space. My hope is that it speaks deeply to her."

"We all feel regretful," Jasper muttered quietly.

"This is our way, the Cullen way, of showing her that we are including her, that we are sorry, and that we have learned from our mistakes. I just hope she understands," I pondered.

"Maybe," Rosalie grumbled.

"She will," Jasper said assuredly.

We all paused in our tasks and looked at him.

He looked at us hesitantly as if he was unsure if he should speak what was on his mind. Finally, he said, "Bella has always seen and accepted us as we are. Her feelings are pure. She's not like most humans who smile kindly while their feelings are those of loathing. I have no doubt that she will comprehend the message even if she doesn't know the full intent as we mean it."

"She's a smart cookie," Emmett agreed.

I mouthed "Thank you" at Jasper turning back to finish up assembling her bed.

The bed I had purchased was a double sized white four-poster, which I was next going to put silver decals on. I had also gotten her a small white armoire with space for hanging items and drawers for pyjamas and other items. She also had a small white bedside table with a silver mock-1920s chandelier lamp. I had also found a white hide away desk in which I had placed a laptop and school supplies. To finish the bed off I had gotten a plum bedspread. The walls were painted a light blush pink with the baseboards white. The floor was wooden with a silver area rug, and I even found some silver butterfly throw pillows that went really well.

Attached to the room was a small bathroom with tub and shower. I did the bathroom in blues. The tiles were white with different shades of blue. The shower curtain was an egg white with hints of blue flecks, and all the towels were cobalt blue.

I had gone to the effort of sound proofing and adding extra insulation surrounding her areas in the hopes that there would be some sound barriers around her as well as warmth. The rest of the second floor still had a lot of work to do, particularly my art area and Carlisle's and my bedroom, but we didn't mind. Mostly I just hoped Bella liked what we had done and it helped her feel at home.

Much of my time I spent working on the finishing touches trying to make sure there was nothing remaining to accomplish before she arrived. As the hour grew nearer of when she was meant to visit, it seemed that my nervousness grew. When I heard the Jeep coming up the drive, I couldn't help myself but come to meet her too fast to be considered a human pace. Opening the door, as the girls got out of the vehicle, I watched Bella manage out of the Jeep without assistance, a sense of accomplishment flashing across her face before she looked up.

"Welcome, Bella," I greeted her.

"Hey, Esme," she muttered standing next to the Jeep her eyes wide frozen.

Better with my speed, I slowly walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her hugging her.

"Thank you for coming to my home, Bella. It means a lot to me that you're here."

"You're welcome, Esme," she eventually mumbled into my shirt.

After a bit longer I asked, "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," was her response.

Releasing her from my embrace and wrapping my arm around her shoulder I told her, "Come in."

She smiled nervously.

Alice had already gone inside, I was certain, to inspect the last touches.

By the time Bella and I had entered, Alice was standing next to Jasper holding his hand at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hello, Bella," Jasper offered.

"Hey, Jasper," Bella replied with a slight smile. "How have you been?"

He looked puzzled as he told her, "I enjoyed my semester of college the most that I ever have thanks to you."

Bella raised her eyebrow and looked at me for confirmation her features conveying confusion.

"You changed how I saw my classes Bella. Everything looked different, so I enjoyed them more," Jasper explained in a slow southern drawl.

I suspect his tone indicated his tenseness.

"Glad to help, Jasper," Bella said tentatively.

"Are you hungry, dear?" I asked her.

"A little," she replied.

"Carlisle recommended a light snack. I bought some fruit and cheese. Will that do?"

She smiled kindly. "Yes, Esme, that would be great."

"Well, you three catch up and I'll bring it out to you," I told her.

"Okay," Bella agreed, but the nervousness in her voice was there.

Moving towards the kitchen, I heard Bella ask Alice, "Where'd the piano go?"

"We put in storage," Alice explained.

"Why?" Bella asked confused.

"It was better for everyone to not have it here for now," Alice said sadly.

"That makes sense," I heard Bella reply softly her sadness clear.

"How about you, Bella? How have you been?" Jasper asked.

"Fi–" she started and then stopped abruptly. "Um, not great, but getting better. Thank you for asking."

"You're welcome," he replied cordially, although there was a touch of concern in his tone.

They moved into the living room.

"Bella?" I heard Jasper start hesitantly.

I was almost done, but thought I should give them some space.

"Yes, Jasper?" Bella asked clearly uncertain as to why Jasper wished to speak to her.

Without preamble, he told her with utmost sincerity, "I'm really sorry about your birthday."

After a few seconds of silence Bella spoke softly and gently. "It's okay Jasper. There's nothing to forgive. It really wasn't your fault anyway. I mean you have your own bloodlust and then everyone else's on top of that, not to mention that I was Edward's singer, which I'm sure was no picnic for you. I think you're amazing for resisting like you do. I understand. It could happen to anyone in your position. It was my own fault for cutting myself, anyway."

Alice and Jasper had stopped moving.

"Um, Bella? Why do you say that about his and everyone else's bloodlust?" Alice asked slowly.

"Well, I just assumed, since he's an empath and bloodlust is a physical reaction, that he would feel his own and everyone else's as well," she explained nonchalantly.

I came in carrying a plate full of different fruits and cheeses, and placed it in front of Bella.

"Always made sense to me when Carlisle suspected as much. We tested it over the years, but usually I can handle it," Jasper said so low that I wasn't sure Bella would be able to hear him.

Bella stood up in a way that appeared deliberate and thoughtful, and came over to him slowly watching him carefully measuring her steps until her hand was on his arm.

Jasper simply watched her wearily as if she was the predator, and he was the prey.

"It's okay Jasper," she said with tenderness. "What happened after wasn't your fault. You had your family here to help you. I admit you did scare me, but in the end, you didn't slip. I healed. There was nothing to forgive. I admire your strength."

He looked at her hand and then up at her.

"Thank you, Bella. That's more than I deserve."

"No," she said firmly. "It's exactly what you deserve for being the honourable, kind, courageous vampire," she smiled slyly, "that you are."

He simply nodded at her.

Standing up fully, she put her hand on her hip and looked at him sternly. "Were you planning on trying again?" she asked.

Alice looked shocked and I was as well, but Jasper had a snigger he was trying to contain.

"No, ma'am. Delicious as you smell, I think my wife might just disown me if I did such a thing," he drawled grinning.

"Well, there are you. Can't be killing your wife's best friend, now can you?" she asked her tone full of mirth.

"No, ma'am. Forever is a long time for my wife to be mad at me. Can't be havin' that."

Bella rubbed her chest her eyes unfocused, and Jasper's face was creased in pain.

"No, can't be having that," she muttered grievously after a few minutes of silence, as she turned and went back to her seat.

As she did Jasper shook his head back and forth and murmured something to Alice.

"Here you go, Bella," I said as I offered her the plate.

"Thanks, Esme," she said, but there was deep sadness in her words.

"Of course," I told her lightly. "So, do you girls have any homework?" I asked as a change of topic seemed needed.

"Yes," Bella replied in a strange tone like she wasn't actually here.

"Do you want to work on it now? Your options would be here in the living room, at the dining room table, or in your room," I let her know.

Her heart picked up and she looked nervous. "Did you really finish my room?"

"I had lots of help," I answered.

"Can I at least see it?" she asked apprehensively.

"It is your room," I encouraged her.

Alice grabbed Bella's hand and practically dragged her up the stairs.

"Carlisle's office is still there, " I heard Alice say. "Esme's and Carlisle's bedroom is now there, and Esme's art space is there."

She stopped outside of Bella's room. Everyone was right behind her, as Rosalie and Emmett had joined us from their room.

"Open it," Alice commanded.

Bella bit her bottom lip and took as step forward. Reluctantly she turned the handle on the door. The door opened slowly, but she didn't move. Bella stood frozen, not terribly dissimilar to when she had gone into shock in the car, looking into the room with her mouth open.

"Do you like it?" Alice asked excitingly bouncing enthusiastically at a human speed.

There was no response.

"Did you kill her?" Emmett asked Alice seriously in our fast murmur with a hint of teasing.

Alice shook her head. I could tell that she desperately wanted to search the future. She looked longingly at Jasper. He shook his head. Then Alice calmed, probably because Jasper sent her some emotion to help her. In the meantime, I counted the beats of Bella's heart hoping that she would awaken from her frozen state soon. Hopefully the room would please her and she would understand the message the space conveyed. The cost she was paying for the lies told to her was high. So, although I wanted to, I didn't dare hope that this evidence of our truth would help in her healing process.

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 _A/N: I hope you're still enjoying the story. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.  
_


	15. Where I'm Happiest

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 16 Mar 18)

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 **Chapter 15: Where I'm Happiest**

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"Oh, Esme …" Bella finally spluttered after eight long minutes. "It's … it's … it's … wow."

"So, does this mean you like it?" Alice asked hesitantly confusion heavy in her tone.

Bella turned towards Alice. "What's not to like?" she retorted with a tone like Alice's question had been ridiculous. Bella turned back towards the room. "You out did yourself, Esme," she said so softly it was almost as if she was talking to herself.

"Take a step inside," I encouraged her. "It's all yours."

She took a slow small step forward crossing the threshold.

"I can't believe this. It's amazing," she said her tone in awe, her eyes huge, and pink on her cheeks like she was slightly embarrassed.

"Simple enough?" I checked, my voice soft trying to make sure I didn't spook her.

She took one more small step into the room. Alice zipped past Bella dragging Jasper with her while Rosalie, Emmett, and I stayed standing in the doorway.

"It's simple and elegant and," she emphasised, "like I stepped into a novel, but in a totally understated perfect way."

With each phrase my smile grew. It had been such a labour of love. "I'm glad you like it," I told her sincerely my voice cracking with happiness.

A room could never undo the pain we had brought her, but it was rewarding to see her so pleased.

"Come see the bathroom," Alice squealed while she dragged Bella gently into the next space.

Rosalie and I stepped into the room with Emmett behind us.

"Esme," Bella scolded, "you never said anything about a bathroom."

Taking one step closer to her and increasing the volume of my voice a little, I let her know, "Well, I presumed that you would want your human moments in private."

With a wall between us, I was unsure if she was unhappy with me. Her heart was racing slightly faster than normal and there was the slightest hint of the smell of tears in the air. Suddenly, she came out of the bathroom and flung herself at me.

"Oh, it's beautiful and thoughtful and lovely and reminds me of the beach and …"

The tears were rolling down her face.

Pulling her gently with me, I sat on her bed and she stood looking at me.

Alice and Jasper stood in the doorway to the bathroom and Rosalie and Emmett hadn't moved from the bedroom door. We all wore expressions of confusion and concern, while Jasper also looked like he was trying to solve a puzzle.

"I told you this. I want you to feel welcomed here in our home. I meant it. If you want it, you always have a place with us. We have claimed you. There's no going back now." Holding my breath, I leaned towards her and kissed her forehead.

My throat burned and probably my eyes were darkening.

Jasper looked over at me questioning. Then without reason I felt my bloodlust dissipate some. My eyes grew a little, as I looked at him. Had he often done that for the others when they were at school? Could this explain why he had more slips than anyone else? He began to look sheepish like I had caught him with his hand in a cookie jar, which made no sense. I gave him my look of 'we'll talk about this later', and he smiled bashfully in return. It was a wonderful look on him, because I was hard pressed to remember a time when he looked so young.

Emmett interrupted my thoughts with his gentle teasing. "Yeah, you don't think I'd let Esme force me into reconstructing a whole floor just for anyone?"

"I helped with demolition and construction," Jasper put in.

"I did all the plumbing and electrical work," Rosalie added gruffly, refusing to be outdone.

"I swept and painted," Alice added meekly.

Bella turned away from me and looked at each of them. When her eyes rested on Rosalie, she stayed there longer than the others. Bella's continence made it seem like she wanted to say something, but was gobsmacked.

"Look, even though my brother is an idiot and I can be bitchy, doesn't change things. You're stuck with us. Too late now, so just get over it. Could never out run us, even if you tried," Rosalie said gruffly, clearly disliking admitting this.

Bella's eyes narrowed, but a smile crept across her face. "Wow Rosalie, I didn't know you knew any jokes." Her tone was serious, but the playfulness could be heard in the undertone.

Rosalie remained stoic, but the edges of her eyes moved as if she were pleased. "Well, sure, Emmett had to rub off on me eventually."

"He's certainly a force to be reckoned with," Bella said seriously while staring at Emmett.

"I know, I know, I'm hot stuff."

We all chuckled. Give it to Emmett to find the way to lighten the mood.

"The whole floor," Bella muttered under her breath in disbelief.

After a few moments, since Bella still appeared uncomfortable with the attention I asked, "So, homework?"

Her face shifted to a grateful smile and she asked, "Can I do it a bit later?"

"Sure, dear," I agreed easily, then softly, working hard to not using any manner of persuasion, I asked, "Do you think you'll spend the night?"

She took a few minutes before answering, "Yes, I'd like that. Can I call my dad first?"

"Of course. There's a house phone there," I pointed at her bedside table near the lamp. "And there's a change of clothes including sweats, t-shirts, jeans, and pyjamas in the armoire. We'll leave you to it. Come downstairs when you're ready."

She nodded and we all filed out. Alice reluctantly closed the door behind her and the door's seal could be heard.

We all went downstairs to wait.

"That went well," Alice said reluctantly like she wasn't sure.

"Could have been worse," Rosalie added.

"She cried," Emmett noted with confusion.

"She was filled with happiness, too much almost, like it was overflowing," Jasper stated with a tone of contemplation, as if he were too trying to figure out what had happened.

"So, she cried?" Emmett asked still confused.

"Yes, I think that's the case," Jasper replied contemplatively.

"Is that normal for humans?" Emmett wanted to know.

"Yes, humans cry when they are overwhelmed. Usually that's from sadness, but it can be other emotions as well," Rosalie stated as if she were giving a lecture.

"Strange creatures," Emmett muttered. "Maybe that's why they're meant to be food, completely illogical reactions."

"Emmett," I warned him, and then we all chuckled at his observation.

Bella probably thought we were strange as well. It made her unquestioning acceptance of us even more astounding.

With the door closed her sounds were incredibly muted.

"It's more fortified than usual?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, I added the highest quality insulation and barriers as possible," I told him. Everyone else knew much of what I had done except him, since he had been occupied with Seattle.

He nodded his approval and sent me a feeling that was something akin to being impressed and pleased.

I nodded back and focused on my gratefulness that he approved of my extra precautions.

Then, changing the subject I hinted, "Last time I heard the plans for the car repair place was almost complete."

"Yes," Rosalie answered quickly. "We just need to vote on it. We decided that there's no way to completely stop Forks residents from coming by, which increases risk, but our plan minimizes it as much as possible."

"That is the most anyone can do," I reinforced. "I look forward to you presenting it."

They started discussing it once more. Instead of staying to listen, in order to clear my lungs and calm my need to hunt, I went outside and listened from there until I heard Bella coming back downstairs. I really hadn't been that thirsty before her arrival, but her proximity seemed to make it worse. Feeling her blood thump against my skin was simply hard to take. How Edward had managed it was impressive.

Bella seemed to be travelling unusually carefully and slowly. Perhaps without Edward next to her she lacked confidence to remain unhurt in our presence. It was a sad thought, but if it were the case her precautions were kind.

While moving back into the living room, I grabbed the snacks that I had made for her earlier from the kitchen, and set them down.

"Thank you all so much. I really appreciate it." She looked more collected, even though there were little drops of water on her face.

"So, are you going to move in now?" Emmett asked with a serious face.

Bella looked stoic as if contemplating his question. "I'd love to, Em, but I'm still in high school and I live with my Dad. He would miss me too much. But maybe we could agree on a shared custody arrangement?"

He cocked his face to the side. "Shared custody agreement?"

"Yeah," Bella said like this was something everyone knew about. Looking around all of us Cullens were lost. "When a kid has two parents that don't live together, both the parents agree who's going to spend time with the kid and when. They take what they agreed and put in on a piece of paper and each sign it."

"So, I need to go to Charlie and negotiate you living here?" Emmett asked a bit slower than human speed as if he wasn't sure of his own words.

Bella laughed. "Nah, Emmett. I'm 18 now. I can sleep where I want."

"So, when are you moving in?" he pressed.

Bella was laughing harder. When she calmed down enough she spoke. "Man, Emmett I missed you a lot."

"I missed you too, Bella." He'd let it go, but he clearly was still trying to figure out what Bella was talking about.

"So, you and Rosalie were travelling? Where did you go?" Bella asked the both of them.

They both smiled and started telling their tales of their travels while Bella sat enthralled munching on her snack.

The room felt complete, well almost, but one day Edward would return and truly we would be complete. Nonetheless, my heart felt fuller with the scene before me than it had in Ithaca. This was what our family had before we had moved, what I had not wanted to give up. She belonged here with us. She made our family better, and from our previous conversation our home had been where she had felt the most accepted and included. It was a strange idea from a species perspective, but then our family was odd for vampires anyway.

We all sat enjoying the stories and watching Bella's responses. A while later Carlisle's car could be heard turning into the drive, and I looked forward to his homecoming.

He came through the door, came over, and gave me a kiss. I moved so he could join me and we together enjoyed the view of our family.

About an hour later Carlisle asked Bella if she was hungry.

"No thank you. Esme made me a platter of fruits and cheese. I'm still full."

"How about a salad?" he offered.

"Okay," she relented reluctantly with a touch of petulance in her tone.

Carlisle and I got up and made her a Waldorf salad while Rosalie and Emmett continued their stories.

"How did she like her room?" he asked me, too softly for Bella to hear.

"She really seemed to genuinely appreciate it," I answered then added, "She cried from happiness, according to Jasper."

"That's good," he stated almost as if my words hadn't registered. Also, he was stiller than usual.

"What are you nervous about?" I asked him giving him my full attention.

"Not sure what she's decided," he told me. "I'm nervous either way. That's all."

Going back to cutting vegetables, I told him, "Life is full of tough choices. She'll pick the one she believes is best for her at the moment and we'll respect it. She always could change her mind. Remember, my dear, we are living life by hope, faith and love."

Taking a deep breath, he seemed to settle back into himself. "Yes, you're right. Hope, faith, and love. We'll be fine no matter what."

"Absolutely," I agreed.

He smiled at me giving me a peck on the cheek.

It didn't take long for Carlisle and I to finish Bella's dinner. While I took it out to her, Carlisle cleaned the kitchen.

I waited for a lull in the stories to ask Bella, "Are you spending the night?"

"Yes, possibly two," she informed us.

Smiling broadly, I replied, "That would be even better."

"Shall we wait, then, Bella, for tomorrow, after you've slept, to talk about the gruesome stuff?" Carlisle asked walking back into the living room.

She looked at him thinking. "Yes, but there's something I want to say now, so that you all will have the night to think about it and, knowing you all, discuss it."

"All right, that sounds fair," Carlisle agreed easily clearly pleased at Bella's approach as he sat down next to me.

"I know your family doesn't have secrets, so I know it's better to talk about this stuff with you all here, but it's also a bit much for me. I'm not used to big families," she started off.

I wasn't sure what to make of her admission. Nevertheless, we all nodded in encouragement.

She took a deep breath in moving her fingers between each other and moving her thumbs back and forth across the other. "Fine. So, I'm going to say some things. They are facts. They are not meant to place blame or cause anyone upset. Truth. So, no apologies, okay?" She looked at each of us and we each individually agreed. Rosalie and Emmett looked the most baffled as to why she would have us agree to such a thing. After a few more moments and a lot more fidgeting, she spoke again, "Jasper, I am sorry to ask this, and I suspect this will be hard for you, but could you please not comfort me?" she implored him.

"As best as I can," he agreed. "Sometimes I send it out on reflex, though."

"Fair enough," she assented and then took in a breath seemingly calming herself, while also steeling herself for what she was about to say. "So, after you all left, things for me were tough." She moved her hand to her chest and grabbed onto her shirt.

Simultaneously, I watched while Jasper winced and his face contorted in pain. Bella was staring off into space, so hopefully she didn't notice how she was affecting Jasper.

"My father threatened to send me to my mother's, which I refused. So, I tried harder to go through the motions of living. Mostly I went through things in a fog. I think Angela and Ben treated me okay. The problem was that school had too many reminders, so I usually just checked out. The only place where I felt slightly okay was at Jake's. He has been like my sun. Even if it was behind the clouds, it removed some of the darkness. I would not have survived the last few months without him, not to mention him saving me in the meadow with Laurent."

Looking around I would say that the predominate emotion on my family's faces were guilt in different degrees.

"Anyway, since you guys got back I haven't seen Jake as much. Some of that is from being busy, but the other part is that I don't feel so horrendous, so don't feel the need to go over there as much. I did, though, last Sunday. I saw all the gang," a small smile came across her face, "at Emily's. We hung out, and had a great time."

Looking over at Carlisle she continued, "The thing was that I had your words, Carlisle, ringing in my head the whole time. I sat there and could see what you meant. They include me because Jake is my best friend."

At this declaration, I watched Alice wince and fold herself into Jasper.

Bella carried on as if she hadn't seen Alice's response, "I know the secret, but I'm not one of them. And unless someone imprinted on me, which would have happened by now, I won't ever be. I'm not Quileute, I'm not a wolf, and I'm not an imprint."

Taking a quick look around the room I suspected that none of us really knew what an imprint was, although we could take a gander, based on context.

"In comparison, you guys have redone your second floor to include me, Carlisle told me that he was willing to consider me having a vote in your family, despite his concerns. Each of you have made it clear to me that I am welcome here. I feel cared for, loved, wanted, and included, as much as I want to be. _He,"_ she flinched, but not as bad as she had the first time we had been together.

Jasper flinched as well.

She continued as if it hadn't happened, "wanted me to have a human life. Get married to a human, go to college, get a job, have a baby, maybe not in that order, but still. These _human_ experiences were the most important thing to him, but they weren't to me. I've always felt as if I didn't belong in my life. I have stumbled through it, literally. I'm not an athlete or super smart or beautiful. But with your family, I feel as if I've found my place in the world. I feel like I belong. And honestly, I would rather die than to lose that feeling again. I took some lessons away from my adventure with cliff jumping, but there is only so much pain I'm willing to live with."

With each passing word, we all became stiller and stiller.

"Because the truth is that I can't unlearn everything I know about your world. There's no undo. There's no going back. I don't want a human life after experiencing the extraordinary." She looked around the room. "I know your life is difficult. I know it's a struggle every day. I can tell that some days are easier than others, but human life is no different. Every day since you left has been a struggle. Some days have been easier to get through than the next.

"I am not a Quileute. I never will be. Even though Jake and I are super close and he means a lot to me, there is a line. I could see that line on Sunday. I get what you said, Carlisle, that you didn't want to make me choose, and I appreciate that, but I don't feel like I have a choice. I feel as if fate, the universe, whatever might be out there already decided for me. I am meant to be here with you all. I am happier when I am here in this house with you, than I am anywhere else.

"And ultimately that is the bottom line for me. I can't control how I feel. Even though my brain tells me that technically I am food, or what did Laurent call me?" She paused and looked away as if pulling on a memory before continuing, "A pet. Even if I am a pet, I can't help how I feel. I can't help how I feel, even if it doesn't make sense. I want to be here with you. If being a pet is what I am, then I'll find a way of living with that."

Emmett and Alice were growling too low for Bella to hear, while Carlisle, Rosalie, and I were in shock and disbelief, and Jasper looked like a mix of awe and crippling pain.

"But in my heart-of-hearts what I want is to be included. Carlisle asked me to be willing to consider all the consequences of asking for a vote. I have done that and will do anything else. I recognise that there's a chance that after hearing everything you want from me, I'll decide to wait a bit longer to request a vote, or even maybe I'll decide not to have a vote, and that being a pet is fine. I can live with any of that, really, because no matter what its form is, in the end, this is what I want: sitting here with you, enjoying your company.

"Originally, I thought that I needed a vote to get that, but I'm beginning to realize that having a vote doesn't secure anything. I had no say about you leaving, and tomorrow you could decide the same again and I couldn't do anything about it. The only thing I'm begging, please, don't just disappear again." She took a deep breath and then at a whisper added, "So, my life and my happiness are in your hands." Then she looked into the bowl of salad and took a bite.

"How can you be so sure, Bella?" Rosalie asked tersely before anyone else could speak. "You have so much possibility in front of you."

Bella looked up and over at Rosalie frowning. After a moment of thought she told us, "and that could end up great, Rosalie. But it could not. It's a gamble. Most human lives are a struggle to meet responsibilities, pay bills, and find a small sliver of happiness. I have happiness here with you all. Why would I gamble that away for a crack shot that could possibly never come?"

"What about having kids?" she retorted her gaze at Bella insistent.

"What about them?" Bella replied nonplussed like such a thing wasn't that important, taking another bite of her salad.

I couldn't imagine a woman in my era saying something like that. The world really had changed. Rosalie too was in stunned silence.

When Bella was done chewing she continued, "I know some women want them, but I never was one. I wasn't the girl that grew up dreaming of marriage and children. I raised my mother. I babysat a lot. It's a lot of work. Children give many people happiness. That's great for them. I am happy here with you. Why would I want the extra work and responsibility of a child, even if a child brought me joy, when I have what I want in front of me?" She sighed heavily. "My mother loves me, but raising me was a responsibility she wasn't ready for. I probably brought her joy, but she also had to make sacrifices for me. I can't tell you if she thought it was worth it, but for me it's not."

Rosalie looked at Bella shocked.

"Honestly, I just want to be happy. I am the happiest with you all. That's enough for me," she uttered under her breath.

Rosalie appeared stunned into silence. All I could think of was, that the world really had changed. I didn't have many clear memories of much of my human years, but I did have a vague sense of the shame of not bearing a child that lived, and a crippling sense of worthlessness when my infant son had died. In my era to not have children was disgraceful and meant that you had not fully become a woman. Society deemed any woman who had not born children as less-than. Once I was a vampire, I had to adjust my sense of worth and from what my worth was derived, and let go of many parts of those gender expectations. But Bella was a human girl telling us that her sense of self was completely unrelated to having children. It was mind-boggling.

"Did you tell _him_ this?" Alice asked hesitantly.

Bella flinched, but barely, before speaking. "Not in these words, but yes, I tried to explain my point of view. My opinion hasn't changed. If nothing else, your leaving and returning has only strengthened my convictions."

"We never knew," Carlisle said apologetically.

"How could you?" she asked off handily. "I don't hold any of you accountable for your ignorance," she explained simply. Then she looked at me daringly. "Perhaps we don't really know each other as well as we thought."

Smiling at her, I agreed, "Yes, we are all guilty of that, but we would like to get to know you better."

Looking over at Jasper, he had this smug look on his face. I thought back to what he had said the night we had decided to leave, along with his hinting comment when we had wondered if she would understand the meaning of making her a room in our house, and compared them. He knew. Without her having to say a word, he knew this. And no one had listened.

"You've given us a lot to think about, Bella. We appreciate your honesty," Carlisle said genuinely, his tone implying that her words had upset him in some way. "How about we end the evening on a lighter note and find a game that we all can play?"

Hopefully Carlisle and I could revisit this conversation and his reaction another time.

Everyone agreed with Carlisle's recommendation.

"Go pick one, Bella," I suggested.

Alice went with her to scrounge through the game closet. They came back with Chinese Checkers and Scattergories.

We started with Chinese Checkers, so that Bella could eat and play. We laughed and argued and were a family. Bella belonged with us. I had thought so since the first time Edward had brought her to the house. Watching her sit here and interact with us made it apparent to me that she was meant to be ours. Gratefully, it seemed, everyone in the room agreed with me.

Before I knew it, Scattergories was done and Bella was yawning.

Alice went up with her and showed her where to find what she needed. Bella asked her to stay till she was asleep and Alice obliged her.

When Alice came down and sat next to Jasper Carlisle started, "I guess we have a lot to talk about."

"Does she even know what it means to be a pet?" I questioned out loud, appalled at what she had said.

"I wouldn't think so," answered Alice. "It's not like Edward would tell her, and I sure didn't."

"Probably," Jasper mused, "she thinks a pet is a human that vampires keep around as entertainment without the intention of changing them."

"That would be in line with how humans treat their pets," Carlisle agreed.

"Yeah," Emmett added, "according to commercials pets are treated really well by humans. They are fed and given water, treated medically, and generally cared for."

"I have vague memories of a horse that I was very attached to," Jasper reflected.

"Could me making her a room give her that idea?" I asked appalled.

"There's no way to know," Carlisle said sadly.

I looked at Rosalie concerned about what she was thinking.

Carlisle looked Rosalie's way as well. "You want to start Rosalie?"

"I just," she started and then stopped briefly, "in one way she and I are the same age. She just sees everything so differently."

We all sat watching and waiting for her to collect her thoughts.

"She might go through the change and regret it. Who knows? I disagree with her. I don't think becoming like us is a path to happiness, and as much as I might want to, I'm not going to pull an Edward. I don't think she really knows and understands what she's getting herself into, but I'm not going to treat her like she's an idiot who doesn't know her own mind. I don't agree, but I won't stand in her way. My only stipulation is that she is given the whole truth, no sugar coating things. She needs to know the dangers, the bloodlust, the pain of transformation, the strain of the first years, and the likelihood that she will slip. All of it." By the end, she was practically glaring at us all, but no one objected.

After a few minutes Carlisle offered, "Emmett?"

"I like the girl, Edward or not. Honestly, I didn't like the idea of leaving her the first time, and her being Cullen sounds good to me. She's her own woman. If she wants to stay human, then I can respect that. But if she wants to be my sister, I think that's great. She sure livens up things around here. I say we keep her." He laughed jubilantly and then his voice was soft as he turned to Rosalie. "Anyway, Rose, it won't be like when I was a newborn, she'll have six of us to keep her out of trouble. Alice will make sure she doesn't slip."

Rosalie said nothing, but looked into his eyes and then wrapped herself into his arms.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked.

"My opinion hasn't changed. She's meant to be with us. Alice saw it since the day Edward saved her from the van. She is steady and forthright. The pain of Edward leaving might never heal, even with the transformation. It's deep, empty, depth-of-despair pain. Esme's right. She has already given her heart away. Her connections to us are secure on her end, more than ours to her at times. I tried to tell you in September she has already made herself into one of us, even if she is not in body or in name."

Carlisle waited a few minutes to ensure he had nothing more to add before turning to Alice.

"My opinion has never changed. She belongs as one of us. She is meant to be a Cullen." Her tone had a touch of anger of it that was rare for Alice.

Carlisle nodded and turned to me.

"I wanted to claim her since the day I met her. Nothing has changed that and nothing will. It would hurt me to lose her. Although if she chose to remain human, I would respect that and hold my desires as bay."

We all sat in silence. I tried to imagine what it would mean to have a newborn in the house again. It had been over seventy years.

Finally, Carlisle spoke. "It would seem that we are all agreed to respond to her request to vote by offering her to be changed and become a Cullen in all ways. No one objected so far to Rosalie's stipulations, and I agree with her requests. Additionally, I would like to see Bella healthier mentally, physically, and emotionally, although I trust your assessment, Jasper, that she will probably never be totally healed without working through things with Edward. Some of the consequences of me leaving Esme behind have only recently made themselves apparent. Since that's a longer term issue, I don't think it would be wise to have it as a stipulation for her turning. At the same time, the changes I'm hoping for might take a while. Therefore, for her good and the good of our family long-term, I would prefer her to be in her twenties when she was changed. Any objections?"

We all shook our head no.

Alice and I had the biggest grins on our faces, like how you see humans do when they've won the lottery or something that's going to change their lives for the better.

"Any suggestions to how we go about doing Rosalie's request?" Carlisle asked us all.

"Slowly," Emmett answered.

We all looked at him surprised that he had been the first to speak.

"Look, all I'm saying is that the girl's gone through a lot, and if Rosalie is anything to judge by, girls take time to process their emotions and stuff. Bella is tough, but that doesn't mean that she's ready for the dam to break."

Rosalie looked at him in awe and kissed him passionately.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked after a moment appearing like he was trying to hide a grin.

He looked caught off guard with an expression of 'who me?'.

Carlisle just looked at him steadily.

"Well, I would suggest we each tell her our stories. I think it would be best if you went first Carlisle, then Esme, then Rosalie, then Emmett, then Alice, and then me. This only works if all of us agree to be honest with her about the pain of transformation, our newborn period, and our struggles since. Like Rosalie said, no sugar coating. Carlisle, you, Esme, and Alice have a tendency to skip over the more gruesome and challenging parts of what we are. This won't be easy on her or on us."

"You are correct in your assessment, Jasper," I added to the conversation. "I do not like thinking about, let alone talking about the humans I have killed. It brings images to my mind that I do not want to remember. However, I will do it for Bella, because Rosalie's right. If she's going to choose this, she should do so with her eyes wide open. So, I'll agree. I will do it."

"I don't really like the idea, but I will do it. Although, I think I'd prefer you there with me to help me, Jazz," Alice muttered reluctantly.

"Better than eating human food. I'm in," Emmett chimed in.

"Fine," Rosalie agreed disgruntled.

"And someone should explain to her how our world works after that, pets included," Jasper put in before Carlisle could speak.

"We're settled then," Carlisle said sombrely. "I will explain how our world works, but perhaps we should do that as a family, so that each of you can add some if you wish. I agree with Jasper that would be after our stories."

Everyone muttered in agreement.

"Now, about Bella voting," Carlisle stated.

"No. Not till she hears our histories," Emmett said almost immediately.

Carlisle looked at him puzzled.

"Hey, look, what we saw in Seattle was off the chain and without our histories and background stuff the rest won't make much sense. She can state her opinion and we can listen to it. Like James, sometimes she has good ideas. We tell her what we tell the Quileutes and no voting yet."

"I agree. Basic need to know," Rosalie put in. "We'll listen. But she's not a Cullen yet. She doesn't get a vote. I do think she should come to our training sessions, though."

We all stared at Rosalie surprised.

"Not all of them," she retorted defensively, "But when she can. She worries a lot. We don't want her stressed, right? So, let her come and see us train. Then she can see that we can hold our own and she doesn't need to worry."

"That's not a bad idea, Rosalie," Jasper said admiringly his mind calculating. "She might not be able to see much, like at the baseball game, but I can see it helping her."

"I'd like to have her there," Alice added.

"Me too. Maybe we can play human in the middle," Emmett deadpanned.

"Emmett!" I warned him.

"Sorry, Mom. Maybe next time." Then he winked at me.

Sometimes the things that boy said!

"I also say no about the voting," said Jasper.

"I want her to have a vote," Alice said softly, "but I won't object to her having to wait."

They all looked at me.

"I'm with Alice on the voting. Her watching us train makes me nervous, but as long as she is out of harm's way, bundled up, and has some food and drinks I won't object."

Carlisle looked at me for a long time. I could see his eyes weighing everything. He wanted to give Bella a vote because I wanted her to have one, but he could see the wisdom of what Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper had said. He pleaded with me with his eyes.

I nodded my head slightly. I didn't have to like it, but I too could see the wisdom. There was no harm in waiting.

"Then, we are agreed. Bella won't get a vote till after she hears everyone's stories, and more information of how our world works, assuming that she still would want to be a part of our family. I, like Esme, am reluctant to have Bella with us at the trainings. It's too easy for her to get hurt. However, there is wisdom in the suggestion for multiple reasons. My only condition is that someone must be with her at all times, so that if anyone were to accidently get near her, she could be moved to safety."

"Agreed," we nearly all said at the same time.

"So, any recommendations of what are we going to tell the Quileutes and Bella about your last trip to Seattle?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, we're definitely not going to tell them that whoever is making the newborns is basically letting them run loose in the city," Emmett grumbled.

"I think that we should tell them that the one seeming to keep them in charge is not the maker and we believe the one keeping them in line is named Riley," Jasper weighed in.

"Why that part?" I asked Jasper.

"Because, if they know who that guy is, one, they can look out for him in case he comes here. Two, if any of them know who he was when he was human that might give us a lead. It's a long shot, but it gives us no disadvantage."

"Any of the information you got from investigating the two that you ended helpful?" Carlisle asked.

"No," Jasper stated. "One was reported missing from another state. It looks like the maker is targeting runaways and homeless youth, which is smart because no one is going to miss them."

"What are you hoping to get out of going back?" I asked.

"Alice says that they are in the same place. We hope to go during the day and stay far enough away that we can hear what they're doing without them catching our scent. Ideally, after the sun sets we'd like to follow Riley and see if he will lead us to the maker. Even though I'm almost certain, based on the newborn scents, that it is Victoria, I want confirmation. We can't risk going to Seattle too often, and we don't want to go without Alice, just in case. Additionally, unless we want a visit from the Volturi, we need to consider culling their numbers, particularly any that are as equally blatant about their killings."

"I understand your desire for us to stay under the Volturi's radar, Jasper, but it's not our place to pass judgment on those that do not follow the rules," Carlisle pointed out.

"Perhaps, but by all accounts, this is our territory and whoever is making these newborns has not taught them properly. They risk us all and a few reckless newborns could result in the Volturi's knowledge of our law violation or even of the existence of the Quileutes. Since we are committed to staying for Bella's sake for now, I see no other option." Jasper's tone left no room for negotiation.

After many long minutes, full of tension Carlisle asked, "Will you at least attempt to explain things to them first?"

"We may try, but Carlisle I mean it with full sincerity from my years of experience that I see no other option. If there was, I would offer it."

Carlisle nodded sadly. "I know, Jasper. I was not doubting it, merely wishing there was another way."

"As do I," he replied. "Confirming the identity of the maker is the priority. Ideally, Riley will decide to meet up with the maker, so that Alice will be able to see the result, and no tracking will be necessary. Second priority is targeting the newborns most likely to cause exposure."

"You'll take the same precautions as before," Carlisle stated as if it was an order.

"Yes," Jasper replied evenly.

"So, you'll leave in a few hours and be back Sunday by dawn?" Carlisle checked.

"Yes, that is the plan," Jasper agreed.

Carlisle looked at me.

"I have no objections. I trust Jasper's judgement," I let him know.

"In that case, we are agreed. How about our offering to the Quileutes? Where does that stand?"

"We found a house that is empty with a garage, that is fairly secluded, and on neutral territory. No one has lived on the property for at least ten years. We found the owner and they're reluctant to sell, but Alice says they will settle for a high price. Then the garage would need to be expanded and made to look appropriate. The codes allow for the expansion and having a business on the property. We would ask the Quileutes to make an appointment. Jasper said we can have a business line that they can call, and then the messages would be forwarded to us without it being traceable. It's going to cost us a couple hundred thousand all told."

"Whose name will be on the deed?" Carlisle asked.

"One of our more obscure trusts," Rosalie answered, "one that would be difficult to trace back to us directly. If a human comes by, I will say that I'm working there to see if that's what I want to study in college, and that the owner will get back soon, or we'll just lock it up."

"Everyone is agreed?" Carlisle asked.

The kids all nodded and I added, "I have no objections, but I would like to set it up, so that if the Quileutes would accept it, we could donate the property to them after we leave."

Carlisle looked at Jasper.

"Easily done," he answered.

"Then it is decided," Carlisle stated. "Make it happen. Inform me once you are ready to do business, and I will inform Billy Black."

They all nodded and seemed pleased with this project, despite the risks of being in close proximity to the protectors.

"Please run through the specifics of Seattle," Carlisle requested.

The four of them, with mostly Jasper talking, ran through all the details of their plan. We wrapped things up when we heard Bella's door open and her footsteps coming downstairs.

"Good morning, Bella," I greeted her once her face could be seen.

"Good morning," she replied.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Not yet." She paused. "So, I was wondering …" she had reached the bottom step and was staring at the floor. "Did you all come to a decision?"

Walking over to her, I wrapped my arm around her making sure to stop breathing as soon as I had stood.

"Sweet girl, come, sit, and join us," I encouraged her. "We have some things we want to tell you, yes, and then the kids are leaving for the day. I'm going to feed you breakfast, and you're going to spend the day hanging out with Carlisle and I."

She looked at each of us calculatingly. Finally, she agreed irritated, "Fine."

We walked over together and she sat down in an armchair.

Putting myself next to Carlisle, I leaned into him and took in a deep breath allowing his scent to calm me.

"We have agreed to give you a vote sometime in the future, but first we want you to know some things," Carlisle began.

She nodded saying nothing.

"We assumed that in asking to vote you were also asking to become a vampire?" he checked.

She shuddered the slightest amount, the blood drained from her face slightly, and she opened her mouth a little. "But he … that would mean … what if …" she babbled incoherently. Eventually, she closed her mouth and looked up, placing her gaze steadily at Carlisle. "Yes, I guess I am," she said meekly. "I hadn't really thought about it that way."

Apart from Carlisle, we each looked at the other trying to understand how she could ask for a vote and give her speech, having stated last summer that she wanted Edward to change her, and then not intend for what she had said to be a request to become a vampire. It made no sense to me.

"If after hearing everyone's stories and coming to a fuller understanding of what you are asking for, assuming you still want that, then I am willing to change you," Carlisle told her keeping her gaze steadily.

Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him. After a few minutes, she turned and looked at each of us. "You would do that for me?"

"Yes, we are all agreed," Carlisle stated. "I would be the best choice to actually bite you, but if you'd rather someone else did we could talk about it. Simply, you would have no risk of me losing control."

She looked shocked, and then grateful, and lastly confused.

"Surely you have many questions. We want to answer them all, but not right now," he instructed.

"Sure, sure," she agreed quickly.

"Are we agreed thus far?" he questioned her.

"I agree to listen to everyone's story, ask a lot of questions, and know what will happen. After that we'll talk about you changing me?" she checked her voice modulating strangely.

"Right," Carlisle confirmed. "Also, I want to see you healthier: physically, mentally, and emotionally. This means talking to someone about your thoughts and feelings about what you're choosing, but also about Edward." He said the name slowly.

Even still, Bella cringed and grabbed her shirt.

"That, Bella, will carry with you," Carlisle told her definitively. "Venom is not a cure. You need to work on these things while you're human. Once you're a vampire, change will come harder."

She looked down and nodded sadly.

"I would recommend you think about talking to Esme, as she is very empathetic, or Jasper, since with his gift and degrees in Psychology he is the closest our family has for a therapist, but whomever you speak to, you can ask them not to tell the rest of us what you say. You're right that we don't have secrets in our family, but we do try, to the best of our ability, to give each other privacy."

She nodded still looking down.

"Bella?" he asked his voice stern. "Are we agreed?"

She looked into his eyes water droplets forming in hers. "I listen, learn more, and work on making myself healthier and in exchange you _promise,_ if I still want to, to change me?"

He looked at her steadily. "Yes, I promise."

She nodded that this was acceptable.

"Good," he stated firmly. "On a separate note, Rosalie has suggested you come and watch us train."

Bella looked over at Rosalie in disbelief.

"We have all agreed for you to do so," he clarified. "I propose next Friday." He looked at Alice.

She stilled. "Weather will work fine."

"I have to work," Bella explained, "but I can come over after work."

"You'll need to eat before we go to the field, then," I insisted.

"Fine," she grumbled.

"Agreed. Lastly, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper did find the Seattle covens' new place. They were able to find out that the second-in-charge is named Riley and it seems that the maker is changing young men and women who are runaways or homeless. They are going back today to try and get more information," he informed her.

Bella looked over to them, her expression fearful.

Rosalie had been right. She would worry.

"When will you get back?" she asked while looking at Alice.

"Sometime while you're sleeping. Then we'll have all day tomorrow together." Alice grinned broadly.

Bella smiled a little.

I looked at Carlisle. "Breakfast?"

"Yes, that was all. Anyone else?" he checked.

We all shook our head while Bella was lost in thought.

"What Bella?" Jasper asked.

"The name Riley sounds familiar, but I just can't place it," she mused.

We gave her a few minutes and when she said nothing more Carlisle asked her, "Anything else?"

"Um, thank you," she said tentatively her voice quiet. "What you said wasn't what I was hoping for, but it was fair."

"You're welcome, Bella," Carlisle told her sincerely with a genuine welcoming smile. Then becoming serious once more he continued, "In a few weeks, we'll need to discuss your college plans and other details assuming you want to continue moving forward."

She nodded. "Yes, all right." She sighed and looked down. "I suppose you'll figure out some way of paying for my college tuition and have me go to some fancy school," she mumbled under her breath.

We all looked at each other and held in identical smirks. Her aversion to us spending money on her was endearing, even if it was inconvenient at times.

"Come on, Bella, let's get you some breakfast," I offered.

I rose off the seat, kissed Carlisle, and headed into the kitchen with Bella trailing after me.

Carlisle and the kids finished up. They began to head out, while Carlisle joined me.

Alice and Jasper came into the kitchen.

Alice gave Bella a brief hug telling her softly, "Try not to worry. I'll see any trouble coming, and we'll avoid it."

Then Jasper placed his hand on her shoulder and told her, "Bella, there is no need to worry so much. We appreciate your care for us and thus your concern, but Carlisle would not risk us if there was true danger of us not returning."

She looked at him defiantly, as if mad about whatever emotion he was sending her. "Don't do that," she said between her teeth.

Jasper took his hand off hers looking confused.

She huffed out and seemed to collect herself. "Don't down play it, okay? A coven of nine is dangerous. James' coven was only three and look at what happened."

Jasper narrowed his eyes at her. "You got hurt because you decided not to trust us, to trust me."

Tears began to form in her eyes.

Alice looked sad, but said nothing.

I looked at Jasper concerned.

He sent me a feeling of assurance and trust.

Taking Carlisle's hand, we stood watching, hoping we wouldn't need to intervene.

"Look at me please," Jasper requested to Bella.

She looked up at him slowly as if she was afraid of what would come next.

"I understand that James threatened your mother and convinced you that leaving us was for the best. You have to understand that the only person that was best for was him."

She said nothing tears rolling down her eyes.

"I promise to tell you my story, but I would never risk Alice if I wasn't certain I could handle the situation. I am well trained with newborns. With Alice's gift and mine, nine newborns are hardly a challenge. On top of that Emmett and Rosalie will be with us, both of whom are strong fighters. If you're going to be in our family, you are going to have to trust us."

She looked reprimanded with the fight out of her, but there was a cautiousness there.

"I don't know what kind of life you had before coming into our lives, or the lies Edward told you, but I am not a liar and neither is Carlisle," he told her with a tone that was absolute. "I don't appreciate you believing otherwise."

She flinched and then looked mad.

"Carlisle, Esme," he said nodding to each of us looking upset as he took Alice's arm and walked out.

"See you soon," I told them in hopes doing so might also comfort Bella instead of my usual departure of 'be safe'.

Bella dropped her eyes to the counter and I continued making breakfast, allowing her time to think. Jasper had made a good point, but I wasn't sure of the timing. We had finally gotten her to come to the house. Would this send her away?

* * *

 _A/N: I'm curious your thoughts about Jasper's confrontation here. Should he had said anything? Was his timing off?_

 _Thank you to each of your who have taken your time to share your thoughts._ _Till next time ...  
_


	16. As Promised

**Much of the characterization of Esme in her telling was inspired by Miki In Blue Jeans' story _Faith & Love_ here on FF**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 19 Mar 18)

* * *

 **Chapter 16: As Promised**

* * *

Keeping my eyes on making breakfast, I asked Carlisle in our subhuman murmur, "Is she okay?"

Bella didn't look well. She looked better than when she had frozen in the car, which wasn't saying much. She appeared as if she was somewhere lost in her head with little to no awareness of being present with us in the kitchen. I'd seen vampires behave similarly when in shock, but never a human. It was disconcerting.

"I don't know," Carlisle responded in the same tone. "She should come out of it on her own. I trust that whatever Jasper picked up with his gift influenced what he said, and that he meant well. He keeps his distance, but clearly he cares for her."

"I've never heard him confront her about Phoenix before," I told him thinking out loud.

"Neither have I," he agreed.

"None of us have said anything to her about Phoenix," I added pondering what that might mean.

"It seemed a moot point before," he told me.

"Perhaps Jasper thinks otherwise for some reason. Either way, I suppose he really is including her as family if he's willing to speak his mind like that," I proposed.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "He would usually say nothing. He must care more than it shows."

"He is the least demonstrative about his feelings than all of our sons," I added thoughtfully.

"Ironic given his gift, but yes I would agree," Carlisle concurred.

We dropped the conversation as I had finished making breakfast.

"Bella," Carlisle began, waiting for her to look up at him. When she did he continued, "I'd like for us to sit in the living room and for me to tell you my history. I know that you were told some of it."

She nodded in confirmation, although she still didn't look like she was entirely present.

"I thought perhaps we could start with you telling me what you know," Carlisle offered, "and then I'll fill in the gaps."

By rote, with her breakfast in hand, Bella got down, walked into the living room, and sat in the armchair that seemed to be her preference.

Carlisle and I settled into a sofa sitting next to each other holding hands.

"Do you want to talk about your conversation with Jasper first?" I asked hesitantly, as we usually didn't get involved in the conversations between others.

After some time she seemed to come back from wherever she had gone and looked down embarrassed.

We looked at her and waited for her to speak.

"It really was stupid of me to go to the studio alone wasn't it?" she asked in a detached, but somehow meaningful way.

"Yes," Carlisle answered speaking tenderly. After a pause he explained his voice more firm, "From my perspective, it seemed like you didn't trust us to keep you safe. I, particularly, didn't appreciate your actions. As the leader of the family, I had risked a lot to keep you alive and the way you offered yourself up to him seemed to fly in the face of that."

Her eyes grew big as she looked at him. "I, I, I," she sputtered.

"Please explain, Bella," I pushed her. "Despite their difficulty, these are helpful conversations."

She nodded clearly upset and then took in a breath. "She is my mother, you know," she started her voice shaking. "I didn't want to lose her, and I didn't want to risk anyone else. It's not like I wanted to die, but if I was going to, then offering my life for hers seemed like a reasonable exchange."

I gasped and stilled in shock.

Carlisle looked downtrodden and infuriated, a combination I could not easily recall having seen on him.

When I looked over at Bella she appeared afraid.

Her admission had my mind spinning, and I could not find words to comfort her.

"You're not in trouble," Carlisle told her through his teeth seeming to have collected himself only somewhat.

She looked like she was going to cry again.

Carlisle calmed himself some more and then told her, "Bella do you understand that it is very difficult to kill us and very easy to kill you?"

She nodded her eyes wide.

"I appreciate that you see us as who we are, not what we are, but I need you to explain to me how you believed that someone like James would have let you mother go. If he had her, she was as good as dead, and you going to him willingly only played into his hand."

Tears started rolling down her face. "I just, I just, I thought," she blubbered.

"You trusted the threats of a stranger more than the assurances of Alice and Jasper," Carlisle said sternly.

Her eyes popped open and her mouth opened into an o. "I didn't mean, that's not what it was like," she stuttered.

"Maybe," he offered gently, "but that is how we see it, especially Jasper. He takes the tasks assigned to him seriously. He was given a job, and he failed at it, because he trusted you. You deceived to him purposefully." Pausing for a moment Bella said nothing, so he continued. "We said nothing and covered it up to protect the family and because you were so hurt that I had hoped that you had learned your lesson," he explained. "But Jasper's admonishment makes it sound to me like you haven't. We trust you with our lives, as you trust us with yours. You trust us to not kill you, while we trust you to keep our secret."

"I would never tell," she exclaimed.

"Yes," he said softly. "I believe you, but my point is: how are we to trust you with our lives if you are not honest, and you do not trust us?"

She looked down rebuked. After a long wait, while she pecked at her food she stated, "I haven't lied and I would never tell. I'm afraid and," then she started crying hard, "it's all my fault."

Carlisle and I looked at each other confused. How in heaven could that be?

Getting up, I went over to Bella, removed the plate, held my breath, and pulled her into my arms.

When she calmed down I pulled back from her and softly asked, "How is this your fault?"

Sniffling she told me, "If I hadn't have moved to Forks, then none of this would have happened." She clenched her muscles as if preparing for an assault and then said between tears, " _He_ warned me over and over again to stay away, to let my curiosity go, that he wasn't good for me, and that he was dangerous, but I pushed and pushed until I found out. It was my fault you all were at risk, and I wanted to fix it."

Carlisle came over and squatted next to me. I moved so that we each held onto one of her hands.

"You are not at fault for being curious, for the Quiluete youth breaking the treaty, for almost dying in a car crash, for being attacked in Port Angeles, for our family's choice to bring you to the baseball game, or for getting a paper cut. The only part you are responsible for is your choices in the midst of those events. Edward asking you to let it go and not be curious was as fair as asking me to not help someone hurt on the side of the road. We are who we are. Choosing to offer yourself to James, as noble and self-sacrificing as it might have been, also sent a message to Jasper, who had been assigned with the task of keeping you safe, and me, who had risked a war with a coven to protect you," Carlisle told her sternly.

Her eyes grew larger and her tears increased, but she said nothing.

Softening he added his tone still serious, "Yes, your presence has made our lives more complicated, but if we didn't think you were worth it, we could have handed you over to James, allowed Jasper to kill you, killed you in your sleep, or given you a brain injury that would have caused you to lose your memory."

She looked at him in surprise.

"Many of those things we did not do because of how we value human life, but you're a smart girl. You must know that we know how to cover our tracks and leave no witnesses or evidence. The fact that we left Forks with you intact shows our trust in you. Do you trust us?"

With huge eyes, her heart pumping fast, and probably fear filling the air, if I dared to breathe, she nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you trust then, that Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie will come back?" he asked in his fatherly tone that he rarely used.

She sagged and started crying again. Through her tears and hickuped speaking I believed she said, "I'm not worth it."

How I knew that feeling so well. It was a feeling that Charles had beat into me. It had taken Carlisle years to help me. She was eighteen and, by all accounts, had not had a boyfriend previous to Edward. Had she lied to him?

Carlisle looked calculating and asked, "Did you experience abuse when you lived with your mother?"

Bella's crying stopped suddenly as she looked at Carlisle. "No," she said in a whisper.

"You've never been hit?" he pressed.

"No," she answered softly looking down to her lap.

"Touched inappropriately?" he pushed.

"Edward barely dared touch me," she answered angrily, but her tone was so quiet it sounded more heartbroken than anything.

"No one else?" he continued on.

She shook her head. "I wasn't ever pretty enough or good enough to attract a man's attention. And Edward only noticed me because of my blood."

She took her hand from Carlisle putting it on her chest, squeezing her shirt tightly, and pulling her legs in.

Carlisle and I exchanged a worried look.

"Were you ever punished too severely?" he pressured.

"No, Carlisle, I haven't ever been abused," she replied breathlessly. "My father I saw rarely, and my mother is my best friend. She can't cook to save her life and forgets to pay the bills, but they love me."

"But you were responsible for her? Paid the bills? Made the food?" he insisted.

"Yes," she said so softly as if one more word would break her.

I gave Carlisle a warning look. I had just gotten her into the house. Between Jasper and him I was fearful we would scare her off.

"One day," Carlisle said gently, "I hope that you will tell us your past, as we've promised to tell you ours. But I can promise you that we would not be here with you offering you a place in our family if you weren't worth it."

After long minutes she whispered, "Jasper said the same thing in Phoenix; he told me I was worth it."

Given this conversation and what I had witnessed between them before he had left for Seattle, I was not surprised, but I had to wonder what Jasper had picked up. It seemed likely that her feelings between these two moments were correlated in some way.

"You are," I insisted to her. "To me you're worth it."

She uncurled herself somewhat and looked back and forth between Carlisle and I. She took in deep breaths and seemed to calm herself. "So, you were going to tell me your story," she said to Carlisle sadly.

Taking the hint, we got up and went back to the couch. "You were going to tell me what you know," Carlisle reminded her.

After a few minutes and calming herself more, she said, "I know your father was a pastor, you were hunting a coven and found them, you were bit and hid yourself, and eventually consumed the blood of a deer. After some time, you swam to France and eventually made your way to Volterra and lived with the Volturi for some decades before you came to America."

"Yes, that is all true. I want to add some of the more difficult and gruesome bits. Do you think you're up for that?"

She replied with a nervous head bobbing.

Carlisle got that look he does when he was pulling on a distant memory, and then after a few seconds began. "As soon as I was bit, I had a fair idea that I would turn into the monster I had been hunting. My father's policy was that everything the monster touched was burned. As I didn't want to die, I went and hid myself. I forced myself to stay quiet and remain mute despite the excruciating pain. I know you experienced a small portion of that when James bit you. I dare say that the process is a thousand fold worse than that, because it takes over your whole body."

His voice turned serious. "From a medical perspective it could be described as a virus killing you. There is no mistake about it, Bella. It will kill you as a human. It is relentless and excruciating. All that I have changed have wished for death in the desire to make the pain go away. It does end, but it takes time. For me, time was irrelevant. I could not tell you if a day passed or a month. All I knew was the pain and that if I cried out, I would be found and then my father would be forced to end my existence.

"The fire that burns our throats thirsting for blood feels very much like the fire that burns away our humanity. For a long time the desire to quench the thirst at any cost is all that can be considered. For me, I think it helped that I knew what I was when I woke up. Even knowing my nature and what had happened, though, it was very difficult to resist massacring everyone within my vicinity, which would have been my friends and neighbors for my whole life up to that point. Everything within me told me that if I would only succumb my pain would end. There is no human equivalent, but the closest I could describe is if you were a diabetic and you knew sugar would harm you irrevocably. Then you are starving from hunger, and someone put the most delicious piece of chocolate cake in front of you. Your hunger would be at war with what you knew would hurt you. I struggled against it every moment of every day without sleep or rest for my first two hundred years."

Her eyes had grown and a sheen of sweat could be seen on her skin.

Carlisle's tone turned contemplative. "I sometimes get the impression that I have given you the idea that resisting the excruciating pain of the burn is easy or simple. It is neither. Even still, after all this time, I have moments when it is challenging. I have to monitor myself at all times. Any and all times that I am around humans I need to be on guard to ensure I do not act on that baser instinct. I can never relax, never ease up, never be anything other than fully aware of everything within myself."

He paused looking at Bella curiously who appeared a little paler than normal.

"Do you have a question, Bella?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter," she defended herself quickly for her. "I don't want to sound rude."

"Nothing would be farther from the possibility Bella. This is part of the promise to you that I made. Ask your question," he requested. "You couldn't possibly offend me."

She sat contemplatively watching her hands. After a long while she spoke. "If it's such a painful process and you seem, even after all these years to recall it perfectly, and disliked what you became, why did you change the others?"

"That's a great question, Bella," he told her sincerely his tone sad and contemplative. "It is a question that I have pondered on, as I'm sure, all the members of my family have. I have questioned whether I played God, and if I had a right to keep them here on earth with me. In truth, Bella, a lot of it was selfishness. After so much time had gone by, I had experienced such interesting things and had begun to practise medicine. As such, I began to see beyond my initial fears and my father's teachings. I began to see the benefits of what this life could give, despite its challenges.

"In addition as the years passed by, I became very lonely. I have always lived differently than my own kind and will never be human again. I lived in between the two worlds, never really a part of either. That had led to me thinking for a few decades about creating a companion, since none of the vampires I met were ever interested in joining my diet. It was a difficult decision and if it hadn't been for Mrs. Masen, I don't think I would have had the courage to do it. Once I had done it, and it had gone rather well, it was easier, in a way, to contemplate the possibility.

"With Esme I acted almost out of instinct. I looked at her and thought 'not her, anyone but her'. I couldn't bear it, literally, that she might not be on this earth any longer. With Rosalie I felt as if she were placed in my path and she had such amazing potential and possibilities that to allow her to die seemed like such a waste, and Emmett I changed because Rosalie begged me to.

"Each time I wondered if I made the right choice. One of the things I have been learning these past few months is that even the choice made in the best of intentions can hurt others. In forcing each of them into this life I acted without their consent. At the same time, none were in a state to consent. At a certain point, I just have to believe that they each were meant to cross my path. Nevertheless, irrelevant of the outcome, I wish I could have saved them from the pain of the transformation.

"It hurt me to watch them go through it, and I carry a certain about of guilt regarding all that they've suffered and every human that has died at their hands. How can I reconcile that with the joy I get every day of having them in my life? I don't have a good answer. I have to hope that the pain I put them through has been worth the life I have given them."

Bella sat pondering his answer for a long while. "Is that why you're so financially generous with them?" she asked, which was not the question I was expecting.

It took Carlisle a few minutes before answering, clearly taking her question seriously. "In a way. I have brought them into this life. Providing for them seemed like the least I could do. But it's also more than that. I want to see them happy, and I enjoy being generous."

She nodded in thought. "Would you feel guilty, do you think, for changing me, even if I'm agreeing to it?"

Her questions were insightful and thoughtful, but more than that they were asking my husband to share with her things he would have only said to me as his wife. Perhaps this is why he wanted to speak with her with none of the kids around. He had always wanted to keep the burdens he bore from them. It was doubtful that Bella realized how uncomfortable and vulnerable each of us were allowing ourselves to be when we made this agreement, Carlisle included.

"A little for the pain I will cause you, yes," he answered pensively. "For the struggles you will go through to master your own nature, yes. But at least with you, I will not have to wrestle with wondering if you would have wanted this life, if you had been given the opportunity to object. I will manage my discomfort and the pain I will cause you by aiding you in whatever way I can to ease you through the process, but I cannot protect you from it."

"I understand that Carlisle," Bella told him sounding sincere. "I wish I could go through the transformation without causing you pain or guilt, but that doesn't seem possible."

"No, Bella, it's not," he agreed sadly.

"Is this why you want to pay for my college tuition?" she asked as if she had just made some mental connection.

"In part," he agreed. "College is a stage of development, of finding your self outside of your family unit. I believe that your college years would be better spent taking class, volunteering if you wish, and generally being a college student than working. Also, the financial pressures of paying for school often lies on the shoulders of the parents, and I would rather take on that, than let Charlie struggle with it. It seems the least I can do for how well he's treated me, for trusting us with you, and not to mention that ultimately I will be removing you from his life."

She cringed. "When you put it like that," she started, and then petered off. "I'll think about it."

"That's only fair," he approved.

Undoubtedly he would get his way. He was very persuasive when he wanted to be.

"I have another question," she told him after a few moments.

"Ask it," he instructed.

"You mentioned in your proposal that you want to see me healthy. Did you have a timeframe of how long you were thinking that would take?" she questioned.

"I don't honestly," he answered easily. "At the same time, I'd like you to consider being in your mid-twenties before you are changed."

Her mouth dropped open in disbelief and her eyes narrowed in accusation.

Carlisle put up his hands up in surrender. "Let me explain, please, Bella. As you know, once you are changed, it will freeze you at the maturity level in which you were at when you are bitten. The closer you are to your full human maturation the easier I hope you would find this life. Our emotions are stronger and more visceral than humans. The closer to you are to having finished your physical development as a human, the better I think it would be. And honestly, it would be nice to have one less teenager," he joked with her, and then winked.

She chuckled. "Yes, I suppose a house full of teenagers could be a lot to manage." Then she frowned profusely.

"It's really for your own benefit, Bella," he explained. "For my era I was close to middle age when I was changed. Esme was a mature woman. It has served us well. You can see the difficulty, especially with the three teenagers I have changed, that they have had in growing up. At times it also limits their options. A few human years matter a lot in the face of eternity. My request is that you think about it."

She nodded thoughtfully, but there was sadness etched in her features. "I will, Carlisle. You raised some good points," she told him, but her tone indicated that she was giving him platitudes.

Her response probably had something to do with Edward, which Carlisle would also suspect. We had already discussed the possibility that her reactions, when it came to the topic of becoming a vampire, were probably heavily tied to whatever she was feeling in that moment about Edward.

"Any more questions for me?" Carlisle asked.

After some reflection, she answered him, "Not at the moment," but there was hesitancy and a lingering wistfulness in her tone, as if she had more questions and didn't want to ask them.

"Well, anytime you think of another, come and ask. Remember you promised to ask questions. This is a two-way street," he reminded her sternly.

"Okay, Carlisle," she answered ducking her head and putting her hair in front of her to hide her face, but the increased blood flow could still be heard.

"Do you need anything Bella?" I asked guessing that she desired a change of conversation.

She shook her head no.

"How about we stretch your legs a little and take a walk on the property?" I suggested.

She smiled looking up at me. "I think I'd like that actually."

"Good," I told her grateful that I had offered something that she had responded to positively.

Bella and I got up. Carlisle flashed me a smile of gratitude, and I winked back at him.

For the most part Bella and I walked in a companionable silence enjoying the outdoors. When we got to the creek we followed it for a little bit and then started heading back.

"Do you regret the pain you had to go through, Esme?" Bella asked softly while staring at the trees.

"No," I answered her easily, "but then I would go through any amount of pain to have Carlisle. And although the physical pain was indescribably horrendous, it was almost bearable in comparison to the emotional pain of losing my son. The ache we live with mimics the pain of our burnings, so there's a psychological compulsion to rid yourself of it. However, those times when I have completely soothed it by taking a human's life, I always felt like I let Carlisle down. Therefore, I've never experienced any true relief since waking up to this life. At the same time, when I did slip Carlisle's love and support helped me fight to do better. I appreciated him all the more for it, but it was never easy. This is part of why we need each other as a family. We stay accountable to each other and help one another."

Pausing I allowed that to sink in. "Each time I felt bad when I took a life, not just for the life lost, but for disappointing Carlisle. In truth, I have little understanding of Carlisle's position. I've never changed someone, so I don't know how difficult it would be to bite someone and stop, or to feel the weight of responsibility when someone you changed takes a life. Whilst even though I can't be certain of how he feels about those things, with each death I carried guilt about how I wasn't as strong as Carlisle to resist, along with thoughts about how he had saved me from certain death while I had repaid him by killing someone. It's taken a long time for me to let go of those unreasonable expectations."

A smile grazed my face as I reflected telling her, "Helping Emmett through his early years and even first decades was good for me. Carlisle and Rosalie make it look easy, when it is anything but. In reality it's hard to be a Cullen, Bella, and although Carlisle has never taken a human life directly, his venom has in changing us, and in a way, each time we have killed someone. So, not even Carlisle is immune from the weight of humans' deaths. It's one of the hardest things about the life we've chosen. When one of us fails, we each feel the cost of that, but perhaps none more so than Carlisle."

Appearing confused she asked, "I get that he would feel responsible, but why would he carry more than the person who slipped?"

"Because he wants to be a doctor. It keeps us in close proximity to humans. The Denalis also feed from animals, but they aren't as tempted as we are. His choice of occupation keeps us entwined in the human world in a way that none other of our kind need. It makes our choices harder in a way, and the chance of something happening higher, but it is what makes him happy. There are times when the family has asked for a break and he takes time off from working for our sake, but being a doctor is very much a part of who Carlisle is. Therefore, supporting Carlisle as a doctor is simultaneously a source of pride for the family and partially how we give back to the human world, but it also has high inherent risk."

After a few minutes of heavy silence she said, "Thanks, Esme."

"What for?" I asked taken back.

"For so much, but most of all for my room, making me feel wanted and a part of your family. I feel so full and so grateful."

"You're welcome darling. You deserve it."

I watched her cheeks warm.

"Let's get you some lunch," I offered to help distract her from her obvious discomfort.

"Okay. I should work some on my homework, since Alice will be here tomorrow," she told me.

"That sounds like a wise plan," I agreed.

When we got back into the house, I made her lunch and brought it to her at the dining room table where she was working. I went upstairs and continued the alterations of the second floor. After a few hours it seemed like she was getting restless, so I went downstairs to check on her.

"Want a break?" I asked.

"Yes, I think I need one," she agreed easily.

"Ready for my story?" I checked.

She looked at me seriously. "If you're ready to tell it."

"I am. Come to the living room when you are ready," I instructed.

Carlisle came downstairs in support of me, which I appreciated. Snuggling myself into his arms, I nuzzled into his ear, "The pain was worth it to get you, my love."

He smiled slightly with a sadness in his eyes that didn't used to be there, before telling him my imaginings, when I said similar things. "Miss Platt, I don't deserve you," he stated subdued but earnestly into my ear.

"Perhaps," I smiled teasingly, "but you got me anyway."

He nuzzled his face into my hair and breathed me into him deeply. He started purring almost unnoticeably. "God could not have given me a greater gift than you," he said softly. Whether the words were directed to me, to himself, or to his God I was uncertain. Nevertheless they pleased me.

"True," I smiled playfully.

We heard Bella rise from her chair in the dining room. We separated slightly into a less intimate position as to not make her uncomfortable.

She came in and sat back into the armchair.

"Do you remember, Bella when I told you that I had jumped from the cliff due to my grief of losing my son?" I asked gently hoping to ease her in.

She nodded he features sagging slightly.

"I honestly don't remember much after that until the pain. I woke up from the sweet slumber of unconsciousness to my limbs being on fire, as if molten lava had begun to flow through my veins. I could not imagine that a more intense feeling of being on fire could ever exist. In so many ways, it reminded me of the times in which my hand or arm had burnt on the stove, only ten thousand times worse and if it were burning all of me, my skin, tendons, muscles, bones, heart, lungs, eyes, brain, everything. I attempted to move my arm to remove it from the fire, but found that I couldn't. Frozen in place, unable to get the fire to stop or escape from it, I was convinced that I had been sent to hell for my suicide and this was my punishment.

"At times, I fought back begging pleading to be released from my torment believing that I didn't deserve the punishment I was receiving. At other times, I embraced the burning, accepting my consequences for my actions. Neither attitude seemed to make much a difference, if anything the temperature only increased as time passed. The worst part was that I wasn't with my son. See, I had been convinced that if I died at least I would be reunited with him. The desire to lose myself to the flames and to believe myself worthy of the condemnation I was receiving, especially since nothing existed outside of the pain, was so strong.

"I repented, said my prayers, asked the God from my youth to save me. It kept raging on. When my prayers were not heeded, I cursed the heavens for my life with Charles, for losing my son, for all of my suffering, for my angel never saving me. Many times after Charles had left for work I couldn't understand how God had sent an angel to mend my leg and then leave me to be beaten black and blue by my husband. It was if the fire cemented so many of my sentiments, while burning to ash my rationales and memories of why there were so.

"Time didn't exist. Nothing was there except the pain. The mental anguish I went through in believing that it was my punishment for committing suicide and believing that my son was now lost to me till the end of time was almost as excruciating as the pain itself. In fact, perhaps it was an illusion, but it seemed like the greater my mental anguish, the stronger my physical pain. Eventually, though, it began to recede from my fingertips and toes. I began to feel my body again, although it didn't feel like it was mine. Everything felt different and strange. I became very afraid."

Bella looked as if the blood had stopped going to her face giving her a grey looking appearance and her eyes had widened.

Concerned I carefully asked, "Do you need me to stop? We can continue this another day. There's no rush."

She gulped and her eyes focused on me. "You are a powerful story-teller Esme, that is all. It was like the pain I felt from James' biting me had returned and I was burning with you. Please continue."

Carlisle had his eyes closed and, although he held me close, his whole body seemed to exhibit anguish.

"You don't have to stay," I told him in a quick subhuman hearing murmur.

"I want to be here," he stated simply in the same tone.

Saying nothing more and after watching her face return to its more natural colour, Carlisle nodded for me to go on.

Taking myself back to those years, I continued my story, "The fear that consumed me was almost as intense as the fire filling every part of me, so that I could feel nothing except fear. Then, as if very far away, barely the slightest movement in the wind, I began to hear a whisper of a voice. The voice reminded me of the angel doctor that had healed me when I was sixteen."

The corner of Carlisle's mouth rose and Bella smiled kindly.

Glad to see her doing better I felt more confident as I resumed, "'I'm so sorry for your pain, Miss Platt,' I heard. 'Please forgive me. I had no other way than to save you from certain death.' This was repeated over and over again. I was so confused, but I trusted the angel doctor. It was clear to me that I had died. What I did not understand was how the terrible pain meant that he had saved me. Fortunately hearing his voice had caused the fear to recede, but in its place the pain had increased, as if that slight reprieve had only made its return absolutely worse.

"Other times the angel doctor's voice would come back and talk to me. He told me that he was a vampire and that he had bit me and made me like him. He told me that he didn't hunt humans and consumed animal blood instead. But most of all he repeated that he was sorry and begged for forgiveness. Just when I believed there could be no greater pain, it would worsen once more. The pain was all consuming to the point that even thought was impossible. I knew nothing but the pain, not my name, not my history, not my son, not the doctor. It wiped it all out removing it all and leaving nothing but ash. Then there was a voice. I didn't recognise it. 'The pain is receding,' it said, 'she can hear you now.'

"When the pain ended and I opened my eyes everything was startling. It was so disorientating and overwhelming that I wanted to hide. As soon as I had the thought, I found myself in a corner, my back against the wall, cowering. There was this strange creature that almost appeared as if he glowed from the inside about halfway across the room from me. He put his hands up in surrender. 'I mean you no harm,' he said soothingly. I didn't doubt this, strangely enough, but I was still afraid. It was hard to focus on him, honestly. So much distracted me.

"But even still in the midst of my confusion something inside of me recognised his voice. Staring at him analyzing every feature, my mind attempted to comprehend how I could trust someone that I had no recognition of. 'It's alright Miss Platt,' he said after a while, 'take all the time you need. It can be very disorientating.' As if trying to see something through a fog, my mind brought up vague references of his voice asking for forgiveness. Had he done this to me? Had he caused the fire? Immediately I growled deeply at him the sound emanating from my chest and sounding completely inhuman. Scrunching my face up in confusion, I tried to discover where the sound was coming from. It took some minutes for me to realise that my throat, my mouth was making that noise.

"Absolute terror took me again. Although I attempted to move further away from where he was standing, instead the wall around me crumbled. Wailing and folding into myself into a tight ball. I closed my eyes and tried to understand what was happening. 'Miss Platt?' I heard that same voice ask his tone strongly filled with worry and concern. That made even less sense. Then there was the sound of someone else talking, a male by the sound of it, but he was further away and his words did not register to me. Still having two males nearby heightened my fear. I shouldn't be alone with two men. Clearly they had done something to me. I barely registered the second male saying, 'She's confused and afraid, Carlisle.' There was the briefest of pauses and then the one in front of me spoke again, 'Yes. Perhaps a distraction would be in order.'

"There was the sound of the movement of clothing, but opening my eyes and having to face the men and what lay before me seemed worse somehow. 'Do you have a favourite author?' the first voice asked. 'Really?' the second voice chastised. Then like a flash I began to see myself on a hospital cot looking at a doctor who had uttered those exact words. The images were grainy and blurry, but still there was no mistaking my Dr. Cullen. My eyes popped open and I moved forward destroying more of the wall as I went. Could it be that this creature in front of me was Dr. Cullen? Looking at him once more and comparing him to my memories, I recognized my dear Dr. Cullen, but he didn't look the same. Then again, everything I was seeing, even light, appeared different.

"Deep within me I knew that Dr. Cullen was trustworthy. He had been my angel, but I was also afraid. Carlisle bent down with his hands up as they had been before, but didn't move towards me. Carlisle just stayed like that and waited for me. It took a while, but eventually I put my hand to my throat noticing that it felt like it was on fire. 'Does it hurt?' he asked me. I merely nodded back. 'Come with me,' he encouraged. As I got up to go with him, I noticed that the second male was in the next room. Without thought I crouched down and snarled as if warning him away.

"The sounds that came out of my mouth frightened me once more. I felt as if I had been turned into an animal. Instantly distraught I curled into myself and held myself into a ball almost wishing that I had receded into the corner before hand. Somehow having a smaller space around me felt safer. While my mind attempted to solve this dilemma I quickly discovered I couldn't produce tears, which led into a new wave of hysteria. Carlisle sunk down to the floor sitting. After a long time he spoke again, 'I'm going to come near, Miss Platt. It's okay. I won't hurt you,' he let me know.

"Unable to acknowledge him I could feel him come near, but I didn't feel afraid. Eventually he was near enough to put a hand on my arm. We stayed like that for a long time. I really have no idea how long. Eventually I decided that being upset wasn't helping, and my throat was hurting even more. I put my hand to my throat again. 'Miss Platt,' Carlisle said softly, 'you are thirsty. You need to hunt. Only blood will help. Do you remember what I said?' I nodded slightly. He had said that he was sorry and I remembered every word he had spoken to me when I had been his patient. 'Good,' he replied. 'Can you stand up and we will go out into the forest and find you something?' I raised my head and looked at him as if he had lost his mind. I wasn't going to do that. A lady didn't hunt. That was unacceptable to me.

"He said nothing, but I heard the door open and then close. Carlisle spoke again, 'My companion went to fetch you something, but we must go outside, Miss Platt.' I was dubious of how my throat hurting equated having to go outside. It seemed like an absolutely ridiculous conclusion, but he was a doctor and I trusted him, so I stood up, doing so abnormally easily. It was very disorientating. Then he stood and walked forward. I followed him. We stood outside just waiting. Outside was even more distracting and fascinating than inside. After a little bit, I saw the other man, a boy really, carrying a paralyzed deer towards me it's heartbeat the loudest sound.

"I just stared my mouth agape. Carlisle softly instructed, 'Come on, Miss Platt, it will be all right.' As he walked closer to the animal I went with him simply because his presence made everything feel calmer, although why he was moving towards the animal still was completely baffling me. Then he bent over the deer and put his lips to its neck. The next thing the most delicious aroma captured me begging me to come near to it. I remember taking a step forward. Then the next thing I remember is crouching over the lifeless animal, blood down my chin and dress. I was appalled. I ran back into the house and put myself into the corner holding myself."

Carlisle squeezed my hand bringing me out of my memories.

Bella looked mesmerized.

I waited until Bella came to. "You all right, dear?" I asked her.

"I'm fine, thanks, just enraptured by your story!"

Carlisle smiled at me.

"Well, then." I was glad that Carlisle was amused. "Anyway, it was difficult to say the least. Carlisle was very patient, as well Edward."

At his name she winced.

"They were very understanding. Carlisle had devised ways to help desensitize me to the scent of human blood, and I was doing fairly well in a car driving through a town with the windows slightly down, but that didn't stop me the first time I caught the scent of an open wound. Before recognition could dawn regarding what I had smelled, I was running towards it. I was upon the sweet nectar and drowning in its scrumptious soothing flavour before I even had a thought. It was ambrosia. Feeling another vampire come up behind me, I quickly finished and turned to defend myself.

"The vampire approaching me was Carlisle. He had the strangest combination of empathy, grief, and determination on his face. He came towards me with his hands up. 'Come here, please, Esme,' he asked. I took a step forward confused at Carlisle's behaviour. 'Please, come here,' Soon Edward was running towards us. I did as Carlisle had requested. Things were quite confusing until I decided to turn and see what Edward was doing. What I saw was him changing the markings I had made so that it appeared to look like a bear. That was when I realized what I had done.

"I ran home and was inconsolable for over a week. Nothing that either of them said made a difference. The whole incident was made worse by the fact that I would never be able to remove from my memory the taste, the smell, nor the desire. It took ages before animal blood was palatable again to even a reasonable degree. As much as I would like to say that it was only the once, it wasn't. It's been a long time since I've consumed human blood. Despite the time, I was so ashamed on your birthday that I had to leave the room before I did something to you I regretted. I loathe the idea that I would have forgotten my care for you in exchange for something that would have been temporary. But the reality is that it could happen."

I watched Bella carefully. Blood had drained out of her face once more. I looked over at Carlisle quietly questioning him if she was okay. He nodded slightly. I went back to watching Bella. It took a while, but eventually her colour appeared to return to her more normal parllor.

"You want to talk about what you're thinking?" I asked Bella.

"Maybe later?" she asked weakly.

"Of course, dear, as long as it's later. Talking about it is part of the deal," I reminded her.

"Uh-huh," she replied as if she hadn't heard me in the least. Then she got up and went back to the dining room as if we weren't there at all. It was very strange.

I looked over at Carlisle. He shrugged. I snuggled into him.

"Did I say too much?" I murmured at him a little while later.

"No, love," he soothed me. "It's what we promised her. I think it was just hard for her to take."

"Do you think she'll see me different now?" I asked him voicing my deepest concern.

"I never did. You were and will always be my Miss Platt." Then he kissed my head and wrapped his arms tightly around him. After some time had passed he murmured, "Why didn't you ever tell me that you remembered nothing upon your waking?"

"What does it matter?" I asked him puzzled at why he was focused on this of all things.

"You said that you remembered what I said," he trailed off.

"Yes, from our first encounter. What is upsetting you?" I pressed him.

"Your first memory was me apologising, but without explanation. Despite this you didn't attack me or even lunge at me. Then your very next memory is meeting me at the hospital," he told me as if these facts made no sense to him.

Pressing into his chest, I took his arms and wrapped them tighter around me.

Bella had closed a book and opened a new one by the time he spoke again.

"Even in your first moments without any real tangible way of understanding what was happening or who I was or whether I would hurt you, you trusted me?" he questioned clearly astonished.

Nodding into his chest, I said nothing waiting on him.

"Your are astounding," he said as if concluding his thought.

"I don't understand," I admitted to him when it seemed like he wasn't going to say anymore.

"You should have attacked. I expected you to attack. The venom had to repair all the breaks from your jump. It was excruciating to listen to. I can't imagine what the sensation would be like. I had thought that the reason you didn't attack was because you remembered what I had told you during your burning and you were simply attempting to wrap your mind around it. Edward said you were confused and I saw your fear. From that I drew my own conclusions. I had assumed with your bruising and older breaks that you had been mistreated, and weary of men. It all seemed to fit. But never would I have guessed that you didn't remember anything at the beginning."

"It came back soon enough," I retorted and then added sadly, "some of which I still wish had stayed buried."

"I know," he uttered while comforting me. After a moment he continued. "Still, your trust in me and attachment to me were strong, despite not remembering me, thirst raging, and being only minutes old. I simply cannot wrap my mind around it."

I wanted to say that his incapacity was because it was not something to wrap the mind around, that it was a matter of the heart, but it seemed a moot point at this juncture, so instead I snuggled in closer to him and breathed in his scent.

Some time later he asked, "You really asked God to send me to save you from Charles?"

"Yes," I answered sadly, another thing I had never told him.

"You choose to be mad at God for not sending me than to be mad at me for leaving you behind," he murmured in disbelief.

"Yes," I concurred to another thing I had never told Carlisle, although I had told him that as a human I couldn't believe in a God that would allow my husband to treat me as he had.

"And you never harboured ill will towards me," he stated.

"We've had this conversation before," I reminded him.

"My belief that you are an incredible creature, Miss Platt, is an understatement. I might never understand your heart and how you love me," he admitted.

"Your understanding is not needed, only your acceptance," I told him.

He sighed deeply, clearly off kilter, but he said nothing else only pulling me into himself more deeply.

Hearing Bella's heartbeat in the background brought my mind back to her reaction of getting up and leaving. Yes, this is what we had agreed and had promised her. Didn't make it any easier. Her response certainly wasn't what I would have hoped for, although it could have been worse. Had Carlisle felt as raw and vulnerable after his telling as I? That was a conversation for another time. For the moment I comforted myself with the thought that at least she was still in our home and hadn't run back to Charlie's. Maybe that said something. Holding onto that hope, I wondered how our four others were doing in Seattle and how Edward was managing.

"Earlier I wanted to sample her," I admitted to Carlisle wanting to confess this failing before too much more time passed. After all, for the sake of our marriage, I had promised myself that I would be honest with him, even about things I would rather hide.

He considered that before asking, "Know the cause?"

"Proximity and combination of her pressing into me everything throbbing against me and taking in her scent. Since, I've been holding my breath."

"You're not acclimatised to having humans so close," he mused.

"No, you're the only one in the family that is close to humans for long periods of time, and then I doubt your time with humans at the hospital is like the hug she needed," I answered tersely not appreciating his tone.

"I wasn't suggesting otherwise, Esme," he said in defence of himself. "I was only thinking that Edward is the only one who has practiced such things. We should be mindful. I'll mention it to the family without bringing up yourself."

"Yes, that's true," I agreed my agitation gone.

"I'm proud of you, Esme, especially given what you just said," Carlisle murmured.

Smiling some, but not wanted to saying anything more about the matter, I lay in Carlisle's arms until the sun started to set.

"She'll need dinner," I said out loud not really wanting to remove myself.

"Yes," Carlisle said equally unmoving.

I had accused Bella of only seeing our lure, the beauty that the venom makes to our exterior. Could my story have shown her the darker side of our nature that she had ignored? She had agreed to this, but would the reality cause her to withdraw. It would be an appropriate human response, but it saddened me. Taking in a deep breath, pulling on him for strength I got up and found Bella hoping that my story hadn't caused her to no longer be in our lives.


	17. Are We Made For This?

**Much of the characterization of Rosalie in her telling was inspired by staringatthesky story _The Dark Gift_ here on FF**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 23 Mar 18)

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 **Chapter 17: Are We Made For This?  
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Slightly weary, entering the dining room where Bella was working on her homework, I asked her, "Darling, what would you like for dinner?"

"Nothing, Esme," she answered without looking up at me. "I'm not really hungry," she added her eyes steadfastly glued to her textbook.

"I'll make you a salad again, then," I told her.

"Sure, sure," she answered sounding defeated.

It didn't take long before I brought out a bowl of a Cobb salad making sure I took a full breath before leaving the kitchen.

"Thanks, Esme," she said with a long drawn out breath.

"You're welcome." Then I leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

She turned and looked up at me her features distraught.

"Is it hard, Esme?" she whispered like she was in anguish.

"Is what hard, darling?" I asked uncertain of the direction of her question.

"Being near me?" she asked the sadness in her tone increasing.

"As long as I hunt regularly and your blood isn't flowing, generally no. Your paper cut wasn't terrible, but the large cut was more than I could handle. I don't know how Carlisle does it, honestly," I told her hoping my truthful answer would help her, rather than cause her to withdrawal from me even more.

She looked at me longingly and with sadness.

Closing my airways completely, I opened my arms and she leaned against my chest.

When I believed that I was ready, I spoke softly. "I care deeply about you, Bella. Human or vampire I want to have you around. It's worth the discomfort and the occasional shame of my weakness to have you in my life."

I could smell the tears collect in her eyes and then feel as my shirt became wet.

"It's okay; let it out," I encouraged her. "There's no weakness in your feelings," I proclaimed, although I had no clue as to what had caused her tears. Once more it seemed like we were having two very different conversations.

We stayed like that until the throbbing of her veins began to affect me.

Pulling back some, I finally found the courage to ask her, "Bella, did what I say change how you see me?"

Her breathing hitched. "A little. I hadn't realised what you go through to have me in your life. I'm so sorry that I cause you such trouble."

"Oh, darling," I cooed suddenly aware of why she had been upset. "Don't be sorry. You are the opposite of trouble. It's a small price to pay for what you give me in return."

"That can't possibly be true, Esme," she argued. "I can't possibly be that special."

"You are to me," I insisted.

The hitching in her breathing increased and the tears flowed. Eventually she calmed, removed herself completely from me, and dried her eyes.

Slowly I took in a tentative breath testing myself.

"Thank you, Esme," she whispered sounding calmer.

"What are you thanking me for now?" I wondered.

"For all that you go through so that I can be a part of your life," she told me her earnestness apparent. "I wish I could make is easier."

"You and I are the same that way," I mused. "We both wish to make life easier for others around us." Squatting, so our eyes were at the same level, I told her, "Remember, though, to make your decisions on what's best for you. Don't ever be afraid to ask for what you need. If you lose sight of yourself, then all is lost. All right?"

"Fine, Esme," she said, as she drew Esme out to a whine.

"I want you as you are. And I would want you if you went through the transformation," I assured her. "There would be challenges with you being one of us, different challenges, but challenges just the same. Nothing in life comes without costs."

She took a deep breath. It almost was like she was taking in my scent and using it to calm herself. If she was, it pleased me greatly. "I'm just beginning to learn that," she admitted.

"Good," I told her with some force.

She looked at me. "Okay, fine. I'll eat something, and I'll finish my homework."

Smiling, I claimed, "I said nothing."

"But you were," she pointed out.

"Maybe you're getting Alice's gift?" I teased.

"No, you're just easy to predict," she replied playfully.

I smiled, stood upright, and kissed the top of her head again.

"If you need anything, let me know," I told her.

"Of course, Esme."

"All right, dear. I'll leave you to it."

And with that I went back to my work on the second floor letting Carlisle finish up what he was doing in his office.

After a short while, Bella walked to the kitchen, turned on the sink, washed her dish, and then returned to the dining room. A few hours later, she closed her books and could be heard climbing the stairs.

"Good night, Esme. Good night, Carlisle," I heard her say even though her tone sounded subdued.

Popping my head out of the room I was finishing up, I found her standing in the hall in front of her room her eyes unfocused as if she were lost in thought.

"Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams," I told her.

She smiled turning towards me, but her eyes held some unknown concern.

"See you in the morning," I told her hoping to reassure her.

"Will do," she agreed with a slight head nod. "Good night."

"Good night, sleep well."

And with that she gave me one long look before she entered her room and closed the door behind her.

As the night progressed, my nervousness about how things were going with the kids increased. Seeking comfort from my thoughts, I found Carlisle.

"I'm worried, and I should hunt, but I don't want to leave Bella alone," I told him.

"I am a little concerned as well. However, they have Jasper and Alice. They'll come home. How about I go catch us some deer, and I'll meet you near the back porch in a little bit."

"Thank you," I told him giving him a kiss and then venturing to the porch to view the outside, allowing it to soothe me while I waited.

In less than an hour he had returned.

"Dinner is served," he joked.

"Great delivery service," I teased him back before taking the paralyzed deer on his left arm and drinking.

Generally, Carlisle and I didn't like to paralyze the animals, as it seemed cruel, but in this case it appeared to be the better choice. A frightened deer was preferable to a dead Bella.

After we were both done, he travelled a little ways from me burying them. "Better?" he asked when he returned to my side.

"Still worried," I admitted.

Perhaps he could see that no amount of words were going to soothe me as he took my hand and led me into our room.

"It's been a long time since you brought me my food," I told him while we moved to lay down together facing one another.

He smiled fondly. "Yes, but I enjoyed it, as odd as that might sound. Providing for you in that way felt particularly sweet. Perhaps we should do it again in another eighty years just to soothe the cave man within me," he offered light-heartedly.

Smiling at him, I agreed. Through the night he held me and we talked through our week, our time with Bella, our concerns about Edward, and what was happening in Seattle. After the sun had risen, we heard the water being used.

Rising, I went to make breakfast. Joyously Carlisle joined me and we worked in tandem. We were about half way done when I heard Bella's feet pattering towards us.

"Good morning, Bella," Carlisle greeted her once she entered the kitchen.

"Good morning, Carlisle," she greeted in return.

"Good morning, Bella," I greeted her.

She looked at me and smiled. "Good morning, Esme. What's for breakfast?"

"I made you some pancakes. Carlisle cut up some fruit and is making the mix for scrambled eggs."

She sat down in one of the chairs on the other side of the kitchen island. Carlisle took over to her the fruit he had cut.

"Thanks. This looks beautiful, Carlisle. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella. How are you feeling?" he asked his concern clear.

"Fine," she muttered defensively into her shirt.

Carlisle gave her a questioning look waiting until she looked up at him.

Her cheeks increased in blood before she began to speak. "I slept restlessly. I had strange dreams."

"Want to talk about it?" he questioned with only the slightest indication that she could say no.

She looked down at her plate her embarrassment apparent. After many long minutes had passed with us looking at her and her studying her food she finally started speaking, "Um, well, I dreamed that I was in an open field. The wolves were on one side with you and Esme on the other. I cut myself. Esme moved towards me as if pulled by my blood, but you held her back. The wolves went to attack her. I held up my hands and told them that she shouldn't be blamed for her nature, that she worked hard at fighting it, and that it wasn't her fault that I was bleeding. They wouldn't listen to me, and a wolf jumped at her. I got in the way and the wolf bit me. Then you, Carlisle, with Esme came over and protected me and told them to leave. You fixed my wound, and then you carried me away."

Slowly she lifted her gaze and looked at us.

"Were you scared at all?" I wondered. She didn't show any indications of fear.

"No," she said as if my question was ridiculous. "I knew that even if you did bite me, you wouldn't have meant to. I guess maybe I was a little afraid that the wolves would hurt you and Carlisle."

Carlisle nodded knowingly.

Leaving the stove, I wrapped her in my arms. The blood had certainly helped in having her so close to me.

"Oh, my sweet girl. Thank you," I told her grateful.

After a minute, she pulled back and looked at me. "What for, Esme?"

"For not being scared of me. I had promised to tell you my history, but I was afraid that it would alter the bond between us. You are an incredible person, Bella."

She shrugged and then looked at Carlisle.

I went back to the pancakes with an amazing sense of being accepted.

Carlisle kissed me on the cheek.

"How are you feeling about what we talked about yesterday?" Carlisle asked her.

She shrugged again. "It was difficult at times to hear about how hard it is, what a struggle it is, the pain of the transformation, and the pain of the thirst. At the same time I'm incredibly appreciative to know. It makes me feel more trusted, I suppose."

Carlisle handed me the egg mix and I put it in the pan.

Once the eggs were done, I finished the last pancake and put it all on a plate for her.

"Did you have any more questions?" Carlisle asked her as he handed her the plate.

"Well," she started and then paused as if uncertain. We simply stood together waiting until she continued, "I was wondering if my experience is more likely to be like yours or Esme's?"

He paused before answering, "Honestly, everyone's experience is different, but Esme's is more typical."

She seemed to shudder slightly. "Good to know," she stated. A moment later she added, "Thanks for being honest, Carlisle."

"You're welcome," he told her, although his tone indicated that her being appreciative for his honesty was puzzling to him.

She looked around. "I thought they would be back by now."

"As did we," I answered.

"They will take precautions to make sure they aren't followed. They'll return home when they can," Carlisle assured us.

We both nodded wanting to believe him.

Bella worked through her breakfast while Carlisle and I talked at a human pace about his schedule for the upcoming week, my estimated schedule for finishing the second floor, and general family stuff.

When Bella finished I turned and asked her, "Do you have more homework to complete?"

"Just a little," she let me know.

"All right. Why don't you go ahead and finish it up? If you're done and the kids aren't home, call for me and we'll do something together."

"Okay, Esme. Sounds good."

"You, my love, are coming to help me," I informed Carlisle.

Carlisle grinned and allowed me to lead him upstairs.

We had just started painting when I heard the Jeep coming up the drive.

Quickly we put everything away and arrived at the garage door as they were pulling in.

As they exited the vehicle I looked them over making sure they were not hurt.

Carlisle did the same.

Unable to help myself once they came towards us, I went over hugging Rosalie briefly, knowing she didn't like me fussing, then Alice, holding her tightly as she seemed to need my embrace, and then quickly holding my boys, grateful Jasper didn't tense too much when I did so.

"We're fine, Mom, stop fussing," Emmett teased after I had let him go.

"Come inside," I ordered. "Bella's working on her homework."

"I'd like to shower," Alice let me know.

They all nodded in agreement.

"Okay," I relented. "See you downstairs when you're all clean."

"Sounds good," Alice said while she kissed me on the cheek running upstairs.

They each followed suit, bar Jasper, who just nodded at me as he followed Alice.

"I don't know if I'm made for this," I murmured to Carlisle once they were out of earshot.

"Our family is made for this. We will get through this together. Hope, faith, and love remember?" he responded.

Nodding in agreement reluctantly, I went inside to the dining room.

"Hey, Bella," I stated waiting for her to pause and look up at me. "I'm not sure if you heard them. The four of them just got home."

Her relief was evident.

Continuing on I told her, "They all wanted to shower and change. They should be done shortly. We're all meeting in the living room. Want to grab some games?"

"Sure, Esme," she replied beginning to put her stuff away.

"What time do you need to head home?" I asked.

"No later than five," she answered.

"All right. Sounds good. I'll see you in the living room when you're ready."

Finding Carlisle sitting in thought, I plopped myself into his lap and rested my head onto his chest. "I'm glad they're home," I murmured.

"Uh-huh," he said as if he hasn't really heard me.

"I hope it went well," I told him.

"As do I, my love," he answered seemingly lost in thought and then focusing on me added, "We'll find out soon enough."

It didn't take long for them and Bella to join us. Bella had found a dice game, some cards, and a couple of board games.

We settled into our spots and enjoyed playing. Emmett managed to control himself, even though he was losing a few times, and, as usual, I refereed when they started arguing. After a few hours Bella sounded like she was hungry. I got up and made her a sandwich and small salad.

After the game was done, Alice left Jasper's side and sat on the floor resting on the armchair Bella had been sitting in. "So, what did you do yesterday?" Alice asked Bella.

"Um, well, let's see. Carlisle told me parts of his history that I didn't know, did some homework, and Esme told me a little about her early years."

The four of their eyes lit up in curiosity.

"So, what did you think?" Alice asked lacking her usual lightness.

"That you're not going to tell me what happened in Seattle." Bella was serious, but the edges of her eyes were twisting in playfulness.

The four of them looked at each other, then at us.

"We will tell you," Carlisle said earnestly. "How about tomorrow after school?"

She turned to him in a mock pout. "But Carlisle," she whined.

He kept his face neutral, although I could tell that he was enjoying her treating him in this way. "This is the deal we made, remember," he said with a serious tone.

"So? Who's next, then?" Bella asked as she looked around.

Jasper was sitting there with a strange expression of wonder and enjoyment.

Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice looked confused.

"Me," Rosalie finally spoke up gruffly.

"Oh," Bella responded while she dropped her gaze.

"It would probably be best if I told it with everyone here," Rosalie grumbled.

Looking at her I stated sweetly, "Rose, dear, Bella might not understand why that would be."

Rosalie sat stoically most likely deciding if she wanted to go ahead. Then she looked up at Bella. "See, Alice and Jasper weren't here when I was turned, so they don't know the details of those years either," she said stiffly.

Emmett ran his hands up and down her arms.

After a few seconds Bella's eyes grew wider. "Oh. It's okay Rosalie. I can wait. There's no hurry."

"No, it's fine," she grumbled irritatingly.

Bella watched her carefully.

Alice placed her hand on Bella's knee.

Jasper moved so that he was sitting next to Alice.

Alice rested her head on Jasper's shoulder and we all stilled waiting for Rosalie to begin.

Rosalie's eyes got a sad cold far away look. "I was engaged to be married to the richest, most eligible bachelor in all of Rochester, Royce King II. Everyone I knew was envious of my upcoming nuptials except my friend Vera. See, she was already married. Her husband didn't have a great job, but they had a quaint place of their own and a little one named Henry. I loved going over to play with Henry. I couldn't wait to be married, get pregnant, and have my own Henry, thereby achieving the perfect life my parents had groomed me for.

"It was after dark, so Vera's husband had offered to walk me. I had declined, confident in my ability to get home without an escort. I was a Hale after all. About halfway home I came across a group of men. Initially I was cautious. As I drew nearer, however, Royce called out to me. Moving towards him I was pleased to see him, but he grabbed me roughly. I could smell that he had been drinking, which he had never done in my presence before. 'I get to have the prettiest girl in the town,' he boasted to his gang. 'You gonna wait like a good boy, Royce?' one of his friend's jeered. 'My father would be mighty upset if I didn't,' Royce replied calmly as if it didn't really matter to him one way or another. 'Come on Royce,' another friend egged, 'there's plenty of pretty girls.' Royce seemed to hem and haw, weighing it while his friends looked at me greedily.

"I tried to leave, but Royce had my arm held firmly trapping me. 'Going anywhere?' Royce asked me sinisterly. 'Home, Royce, my father will be worried.' This seemed to be the wrong thing to say because his eyes narrowed and he evaluated me critically. 'You're already mine, Rosalie. You're father is a worthless waste of space and has already sold you to me.' I looked at him in shock horrified by his words. 'You must be mistaken,' I argued. Then he started laughing as if the whole thing was some big joke. I chuckled nervously with him uncertain about what was happening. His friends laughed along. Then, just as suddenly as he had started, he stopped, and they stopped just as suddenly. He turned to one of his friends. 'You're right Luke. Pretty girls are a dime a dozen, even those as pretty as this specimen. But I can't have someone this dumb on my arm. That just won't do.'

"This Luke smiled gruesomely and then turned at me. 'I get first dibs,' Royce ordered. Everyone nodded eagerly. Their anticipation terrified me. Then without warning he threw me to the ground. Two of his friends held my arms down, while the three others stood watching. Royce tore at my clothes and violated me. When he was done he got up muttering 'Not bad.' Then he stood watch while another of his friends took their turn. One by one they all had their go. Then they walked away laughing and joking and talking about me as if I were a cow. I remember wishing for death and blacking out. The next thing I remember is being burned alive and a voice arguing saying 'Rosalie Hale? Really, Carlisle? What were you thinking?' I was certain that whoever owned that voice and whomever he was speaking to were the ones burning me.

"My assumption that they had found me on the street and had brought me back to their place for their own amusement was worse torture than the fire licking and consuming so much of me that I couldn't tell where I was burning. My only conclusion was that they were purposefully burning me so that I would be a more pliable hostage. Well, I wasn't going to give them that or anything else. I determined then and there that they would have to kill me first before I let them near me. I was Rosalie Hale after all, and although Royce and his goons had gotten the better of me, I wasn't going to let that happen twice. 'I couldn't leave her. She has such potential. It would have been a waste,' the second man responded. Their words made no sense to me, but it didn't matter because I was consumed with the fire once more. When I thought the pain of them burning me couldn't get worse, it did. I tried to do anything I could think of in order put out the fire, but nothing worked, as my body would not respond to my requests.

"I have no idea how much time passed. Eventually, I heard the second male say, 'Miss Hale? This is Doctor Carlisle Cullen. I'm sorry for the pain. It will pass. I am a vampire and have bitten you and made you into one of us.' I remembered the doctor, as we travelled in similar social circles. I had found them standoffish and odd. I had no wish to have anything to do with them. I had no wish to become a vampire, whatever that was. No matter what cruelty the doctor had inflicted, I just wanted to go home. Certainly, once my father had been informed about what Royce and his goons had done, they would be scorned and their names muddied.

"When the fire finally ended, my heart had stopped too. In addition to no longer having a heartbeat, I had no desire to breathe. I didn't understand what was going on, how I could have no heartbeat, but still be alive. In the midst of my confusion, one thing stood out: Dr. Cullen was at fault. When I opened my eyes, I lunged at the man standing before me, but he moved out of my way at the last second. My mind was consumed with rage. My only awareness was that the man standing in front of me was in my way. 'She doesn't believe you,' the first male voice said, even though I couldn't see him. 'Miss Hale,' the man in front of my pleaded. 'I implore you that I am not here to harm you.' 'Then let me go,' I refuted. 'I'm sorry, I cannot,' he replied looking crestfallen.

"With that as confirmation that I was being held prisoner, I lunged at him again only this time a feral animalistic roar filled the space. 'Please calm yourself, Miss Hale,' the male keeping me in the room implored me. It was only then that I realised that those inhuman noises were coming from me. Immediately I froze, stood up straight, and crossed my arms over my body. Glaring at him I demanded, 'What have you done to me?' Looking sad his voice softened and his posture became more relaxed. 'I am sorry Miss Hale for what happened to you. I found you dying in the street and brought you back to my home saving you the only way I could. See, my family are vampires. That is what I made you into,' he admitted.

"The man speaking looked somewhat like how I recalled Dr. Cullen. Whether he was Dr. Cullen or not, the truth was that he was holding me prisoner. Acting by force had clearly done little good. 'You are speaking in riddles and I am not impressed. I demand that you return me to my father,' I commanded. 'I am sorry Miss Hale, but that is not possible. We drink blood to sustain ourselves, you see, so if you were to go anywhere near your family, you would kill them.' My mouth opened and closed in quick succession. 'Get out,' I snarled at the top of my voice and the walls vibrated. 'I will leave if you vow to remain here with us. It is for the humans' protection you see,' he explained ruefully. 'Get out,' was my reply in the same manner as I had demanded the first time.

"I refused to leave the room. Even when the burn in my throat intensified I refused to do whatever they asked. I could hear the two males and a female whisper between themselves, although they spoke too quietly to understand them. 'I'm going and that's that,' I finally heard the female insist. A second later the door opened and she stood in the doorway. 'I'm Esme, Dr. Carlisle Cullen's wife. I don't know if you remember us meeting before.' Her tone was kind and I felt safer with her than the two others. 'The fire you feel in your throat will only get worse. When you're ready we'll find you something to drink.' Nodding I appreciated her understanding. 'Are you okay if I leave the door open?' she asked. 'Yes,' I answered tersely.

"Some time later she came back. 'How about now?' she asked. I shook my head no. 'That's okay. When you're ready,' she cooed. She wasn't anything like my mother, who was firm and demanding, but she had a mothering quality about her that helped calm me. When the pain in my throat increased to such a level that a whimper passed my lips she came back once more. 'Come, soothe your throat,' she instructed softly. Then she took me by the hand and led me outside. The male I had yet to meet held the animal while Carlisle kissed its neck. Except when he moved back there was blood flowing. Everything in me wanted it. I tried to fight the desire, wanting to prove to these crazy people that the blood did not tempt me, that I didn't want it, but I made the mistake of taking a breath in. Next thing I knew I was over the animal, it dead on the ground, liquid on my chin, and the burn lessened.

"That was when I realized that he had hadn't been lying; as unimaginable as it was, he had made me into a blood drinker; he had finished the job that Royce and his friends had started; and that I could never be Rosalie Hale again. I hated Carlisle even more. I stormed back into the house and into the room where I had been, breaking three doors in the process, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. Sometime later Esme came into the room and stood next to me as we both looked out the window. 'It's hard, I know. I remember,' she told me solemnly. 'I can't go back?' I asked keeping my volume low. 'No, irrelevant of Carlisle's decision you would have died,' she told me gently. 'Do you remember that night?' she asked at a whisper.

"I nodded just the once. 'That's too bad,' she told me sadly, and then explained, 'I had hoped that the transformation would take that burden from you. Just know that, although I have not experienced what you have, I have known cruelty from men's hands. I can also assure you that Carlisle and Edward are not like that.' Seething I asked, 'How can you say that? He made me into this without my permission.' She nodded sadly, 'He did. That's true, but if he had not, you would have died. His intention was to save you, not to harm you,' she told me. 'He did this to you as well?' I questioned. 'Edward too,' was her response, although there was no bitterness in it. Even though I could see the truth in her words, the fact that I was a blood-thirsty animal and not Rosalie Hale fiancée to Royce King convinced me that my new reality was his fault, no matter his intention.

"I only drank when Esme would know that the burn was intolerable, and we would repeat that first time. I refused to find my own sustenance for a while, but eventually I got tired of having an audience and being treated like a little kid. Then one day I realized that Royce and his goons were walking free. I was now stronger and faster than them. There was nothing they could ever do to me again. I forced Carlisle to desensitize me until I was sure that I could have flowing human blood around me and not consume it.

"After that I snuck into my old house and stole what would have been my wedding gown. It was very difficult to see my father, mother, and two brothers asleep in their beds and know that I was dead to them. For me, that night was when Rosalie Hale, Rochester socialite officially died. I put on my beautiful wedding gown and I found one of the goons on the street. I followed him home and killed him. Every night after that, I went out and killed one of them until they were all dead. I left Royce for last and made him suffer. Never once, despite the desire, did I ever allow one drop of their blood to cross my lips. After they were all extinguished, I came back to Carlisle's and requested that we move.

"Finding Emmett changed me a lot, but even with Emmett there are just some things from that time I have not been able to let go of. I might never be able to. It's one of the worst parts of what we are. We don't change easily. Sometimes I wish I could change. Some other times I wouldn't want to change anything about me. But it's the lack of possibility that grates on me."

We all sat in silence with the only sounds beings Bella's heartbeat, her breathing, and our breathing. Emmett held Rosalie close and she buried herself in his arms. Jasper looked contemplative and calculating, while Alice looked nonplussed, probably because she had seen much of what Rosalie had said in her visions, as strange as that was to conceptualize. Carlisle's body had sagged at the weight of her story, even though there was little she had said that he did not know.

In those early days Edward had been forced to divulge almost everything that Rosalie had been thinking, so that we knew how to help her. He had refused any mention of her memories from what had happened at the end of her human life, and Carlisle never asked directly about it, but even still I had suspected that Edward's coerced assistance via his gift had added to the tension between Rosalie and Edward as well as Rosalie and Carlisle. Once Rosalie had found out that Edward could read minds, it didn't take her long to pressure him into telling her how much he had told Carlisle and myself. Despite the tension it had caused, at the time it had seemed like we had little other options.

"Bella, it's after five," Carlisle stated interrupting the silence and bringing my attention back to the present.

"Oh, right. I should go." She stood up absentmindedly.

"Are you all right, dear?" I asked her concerned as she walked away.

She turned and faced me, but her eyes looked through me. Her tone was crisp and shallow. "Yes, Esme. I'll be fine. Thank you for having me for the weekend. Thank you for sharing your story, Rosalie. I'll see you at school, Alice. I'll come over after school tomorrow, if that's still all right."

Jasper eyed her critically, but said nothing.

"Yes, of course," Carlisle insisted.

Alice stood and hugged Bella.

Bella went, got her stuff, and walked out to her truck, which we had parked in the garage, seemingly in a daze. Alice went with her.

"See you tomorrow," Alice told her as the truck's door could be heard being opened.

"Yes," Bella replied in that same empty tone.

"Will she really be all right, Carlisle?" Alice asked when she came back.

"We have to trust her judgement," he told her. "Perhaps, though, if you wish, tonight you and Jasper could go keep watch at her home," he offered Alice as a compromise.

She nodded and seemed more relaxed after his suggestion.

"Jasper, did you want to divulge anything?" Carlisle asked.

After a moment, turning towards Rosalie he started speaking. "She was very moved. Her outward appearance doesn't reflect the impact your words had on her."

Rosalie nodded slightly in thanks and acknowledgement.

Watching her closely I suspected that she was waiting for Jasper to say something else, perhaps even to condemn her or to have some other reaction that she feared. Of course it never came. Jasper was firmly against women being misused in any way by men, probably an influence of his southern upbringing, much like Emmett.

If the emotions in the room from Rosalie story were wearing on Jasper at all, he didn't show it.

After more than twenty minutes had passed in silence, Carlisle looked around the room and then instructed, "Please let us know how Seattle went," and the mood shifted.

"We were able to get to the house Alice had seen undetected. There were ten newborns and Riley," Jasper informed us briskly.

I gasped at the number, as it meant the maker had created more since the last time they had gone to Seattle.

Jasper continued as if nothing had been uttered. "They seemed to have been told they were vampires and led to believe that some of the modern lore is true. For instance, from what we overhead, they believe that the sun will destroy them. But it seems that they were never told or warned about the Volturi.

"They stayed in the basement the whole of the daytime. Luckily Riley was with them keeping them in some semblance of order. After the sun set he released them and he went in another direction, unfortunately not making a decision, just so we were forced to split up. Alice and Rosalie followed Riley. Emmett and I followed the newborns."

It was a good thing that they were all safe here with me, since splitting up seemed extremely risky. Once more, I was forced to trust in Jasper's experience to keep everyone safe, which clearly he had done.

"Emmett and I saw one small girl and a young boy who travelled with her, both of whom seemed to be quite inconspicuous. There was another who I would guess was gifted, as his trail was repugnant. There were two others who were quite haughty and loud, drawing attention, not to mention sloppy in their kills, both males. We ended them and burned them with their feeds. We were able to catch a third and end her as well, but the others had spread out too much, and it would have taken too much time to track them down. Each of their scents had the underpinnings of Victoria. When the sun was an hour away from rising, we headed back to where we had agreed to meet up with the girls." He turned to Rosalie clearly giving her the floor.

Rosalie's tone was crisp and firm. "Alice and I followed Riley at a distance that would have made him unable to hear us. Alice used her gift to know where he was going, and I used the tracking that Jasper has been teaching me. Riley must have made a decision, because Alice slowed. She said that she saw Victoria with Riley. Then we left and followed our trails back to try to hide that we had followed him.

"Alice said that he decided to follow our scents after his meeting, so we found a river and sank to the bottom staying together until Alice said it was safe. By this time the sun had risen and we went to meet the boys. We met up and carefully went back to where we had parked the Jeep swimming up the river at places and travelling across it a number of times to disguise our scents. Alice said we were in the clear."

I would dare say she looked proud of herself.

It was the worst news we could have gotten. Laurent might be gone, but with Victoria behind everything my sense of danger from the happenings in Seattle instantly changed. What was a possibility yesterday, was today a certainty. Bella, the people of Forks, the Quileutes, and ourselves were in danger from someone probably out for revenge.

Carlisle looked at Emmett expectantly.

"What Jasper said," he said in a joking manner. Then his tone grew glum. "It sucks, you know. They're just kids not told how to conduct themselves. I wasn't too different my first year. Like me, they were attack first, ask questions later kind of guys. Tough breaks really."

Carlisle kept his face neutral as he turned to Alice.

"Riley had decided to tell Victoria that two newborns hadn't returned. Presumably they were the two we were forced to end. She yelled at him and raved about how he couldn't keep a couple of kids under control. He said lots of things to placate her. She said that she would just make more. Then the vision ended."

"Are you certain that you weren't followed?" Carlisle checked.

"Yes," answered Jasper.

"There is no decision, yet, to come visit Forks. I believe that we've hidden our activities, but there's no way to say for sure," Alice added.

"Although this is what we suspected, it is quite unfortunate that it is Victoria creating these newborns," Carlisle stated. "What are your thoughts given this information, Jasper?" he asked.

"It is only a matter of time before Victoria uses her creations against us," Jasper stated seriously.

Carlisle sighed as if he had already come to this conclusion. After a moment he then asked Jasper, "What are your ideas in how to reduce human deaths and the risks?"

"Killing the newborns might slow humans from printing anything that attracts the Volturi, but this is a non-ending battle unless we end Victoria and possibly even Riley," Jasper stated firmly as if expecting Carlisle to argue against his point.

After a moment Carlisle nodded sadly.

"But with Victoria being so unpredictable, it will be very difficult," Jasper went on, clearly surprised by Carlisle's reaction, but recovering quickly. "We can hope she will choose to come here to scope things out, but there's no guarantee she will do this. Our best chance would be to use Bella as bait and draw Victoria into a more vulnerable position. The problem is that if Victoria senses a trap, she might bolt, so we'd have to draw her where we would want her and tighten the noose quickly. It's very difficult, especially in an urban setting, as there would be too many variables we can't control. Thus, our best chance at trapping her would be if she came here. I'll work on it."

"What do you mean by using Bella as bait?" I asked nervously forcing myself to believe that Jasper wouldn't purposefully put Bella at risk just to end Victoria.

"To make it seem as if she is lost in the woods like Laurent," he answered tersely.

"That puts Bella highly at risk," I commented scared about the possible consequences, especially as Carlisle looked like he was considering the option.

"I know. I'll work on it," he told me before turning to Carlisle. "Any chance that the wolves would lend a paw?"

Emmett and Rosalie smirked.

"I will call Billy Black and see," he offered.

"We could change the strategy if they are involved," Jasper commented.

"Please come up with possibilities that contain both scenarios," Carlisle requested.

Jasper nodded in assent.

"Anything else?" Carlisle asked the room.

They all shook their heads.

Carlisle got up and went to his office. We all sat in silence waiting for his return. We could hear both sides of the conversation, of course, but waiting was polite.

He came back down not long after.

"If Victoria comes into their lands, then they will consider a cooperative measure to end her," Carlisle stated even though we already knew that.

"That's helpful to know," Jasper said contemplatively.

"Who's helping me finish the second floor?" I asked as this conversation was going nowhere fast and sitting around being frustrated wasn't going to help anyone.

Jasper and Alice rose together and ran out the door, clearly heading to Bella's to keep guard.

The remaining four of us went to work on the unfinished spaces. We worked side by side till Carlisle kissed me on the cheek, changed, and went to work. Not long after, Jasper and Alice returned. Then Alice changed and left for school.

"Boys would you mind if us girls left you to your plotting and planning?" I asked them.

"No, Mom," Emmett answered.

"Thank you," I told them knowing that some time alone would benefit Rosalie.

After we put everything away, both Rosalie and I changed our clothes.

"Shopping or hunting?" I asked her.

"Shopping?" she replied.

"Want to drive the new car you got me?" I asked.

She smiled. "Thanks, Mom."

"Port Angeles?" I questioned.

"Sure," she agreed easily.

Rosalie floored it muttering every once in a while about this or that clearly deciding what she wanted to tamper with.

Once we were out of Forks, I turned to her. "Rosalie, I wanted to tell you how proud of you I am. Your telling Bella of your early years and inviting Jasper and Alice to stay shows how much you've changed. Not to mention that talking about those years took a lot of courage. I was proud of how you behaved then, and I still am proud of you. You know I never agreed with your need for revenge, but I understood it. I often had similar thoughts about Charles. And I was proud hearing how you protected and defended Alice in Seattle. I couldn't be prouder."

"Thanks, Mom," she said simply, clearly trying to hide her true reaction to my words.

"Was it hard to be out there, to be with Alice?" I questioned curious.

She paused in thought. "In some ways it was intimidating, but honestly, no. Surprisingly, it was nice to use my strength and skills to protect and defend my family. To the most part I prefer the quiet life and I certainly don't revel in it like Emmett, don't get me wrong, but I like that I'm not helpless innocent Rosalie Hale anymore."

I patted her arm. "Good, since you are her no longer. You are strong and ferocious, tenacious and cunning. You are a Cullen. We are not perfect. Carlisle is not perfect. He's made mistakes. We've all made mistakes. But we stand for something. We try, to the best of our ability, to be a family and make the world a better place. You have represented that everyday since you opened your eyes into this life. I couldn't have gotten a better daughter."

"Thanks, Mom," she said subdued.

"Want to talk about Bella's statements about her not wanting children?" I asked tentatively letting her know in my tone that she didn't have to talk about it, if she didn't want to.

"Honestly, Mom, I think that she's so young that she really doesn't know her own wishes, because I bet that if her friends got pregnant or she did, that she'd march to a different tune. She just doesn't have enough life experience to really understand what she's saying," she concluded.

Putting my hand on her arm I agreed. "I was impressed on how you were patient with her."

"The longer she can stay human, the more she'll see things differently. It's so silly, but she's acting like the world is going to pass her by if she doesn't do things this moment."

Chuckling I told her, "Well, then, in that case you and Bella have nothing in common."

She huffed.

"Rose, I wanted to tell you that I thought you were wise to not push her. Having children is a tough conversation topic for me too. At the same time, not everyone is meant to be a mother. We've certainly observed poor mothering through the years."

"Isn't that the truth," Rosalie agreed easily. After a short pause she added, "I think Bella's ignorant and self-centred, but then again, so was I at that age. I'll let her ignorance go, but I still think she'd be better off staying human."

Patting her I told her, "Her growing up some would certainly benefit us all, her especially. Who knows, she might agree with you in a few years." After a few minutes I added subdued, "I'm glad in a way that women no longer feel obligated to have children in order to have value."

"I'm glad they have more options, too," Rosalie added.

Neither of us said anything more, us each lost in our thoughts until we were in Port Angeles.

"So, what are we shopping for today?" I asked wanting to leave our heavy topics behind.

"A new look for your bedroom, since you redid it," she told me.

I smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

We spent the rest of the time looking at options and enjoying each other's company. In the end we didn't find anything that really appealed to me.

By the time we got back home, Alice and Bella were already sitting at the table, Bella working on her homework.

"Did you get a snack, Bella?" I checked.

"Yup, I hunted for it myself," she retorted with heavy sarcasm.

Rosalie and Alice chuckled.

"All right dear. Let me know when your homework is done. Are you staying for dinner?" I wondered.

"No," she let me know.

"Well, then we should gather soon, so we can tell you where things stand."

"No problem, Esme," she easily agreed. "I'll finish this equation and then put my stuff away."

"Sounds good. Where are the boys, Alice?"

"They're using your to be art room at the moment," she informed me.

"Good to know."

It didn't take long for the boys to join us all in the living room, once Bella was ready.

"Bella, since Carlisle is not here, Jasper will explain," I told her.

She nodded in consent and looked at him.

"We found ten newborns. Emmett and I followed them and ended three. Three of the remaining seemed able to follow the rules of keeping themselves hidden from human knowledge. We did not observe the other four. Rosalie and Alice followed their leader Riley who we confirmed is reporting to Victoria and she is the one changing them. We are in the process of devising a plan to lure Victoria into a place where we can end her, but don't have any firm plans yet."

"Could I help?" Bella asked with a tremor in her voice.

"How do you mean?" he asked carefully.

"Like being bait or something. If it worked for Laurent, maybe it could work for Victoria?" she asked scared.

"Thank you for offering," he told her sincerely, while eying her carefully. "We will consider that as an option, but if there's another way, we'd rather not risk your safety."

She nodded stiffly frowning.

"Any questions, Bella?" I asked.

"No, I just wish I wasn't so helpless," she said exasperated.

Going over to her, I pulled her into a hug.

"Oh, darling," I sighed sympathising with her frustration. I drew back from her and looked into her eyes. "You work on getting stronger. You are doing your part. We will do ours. We are a family. I didn't go; neither did Carlisle. Doesn't make us helpless. We each have our roles. Yours is to get healthier, heal, and stay alive. We can't afford to lose you."

She looked at each of us. Whatever she saw seemed to calm her. She nodded. "All right, Esme. I'll keep working on my part."

"Good girl." I patted her on her leg. "Know that us offering you to become a Cullen will ask something of each of us. In return, we are asking something of you. Trusting Jasper in making the most strategic trap is one of the things being asked of you. I know it's hard. We all have had roles that were hard for us in the past. Keep doing your part." Pausing I waited till she nodded slightly and then let her know, "You need to leave soon, if you want to be home by five. Anything else?" I asked Jasper.

"No," he replied.

"Let me walk you to your truck," Alice offered to Bella.

They got up and headed out.

I could hear Alice ask Bella, "Are you all right?"

"Just frustrated," she whined. "I know Esme is right. I just don't like my role right now."

"We all have times in which that is true, Bella," Alice offered in support. "There have been times when my role has been to appear scared or go to a memorial for someone that Jasper killed," she admitted sadness coating her tone. "Having roles we don't like is a part of being a Cullen. We each affect one another. It won't always be like this, though. Simultaneously, this won't be the last time you don't like your role. But in the end, being a Cullen and all of what that means has been worth it for me, and I'm excited to have you as my sister."

From the sounds being made I'd guess that they hugged.

The truck door opened and then the engine was started.

"That was very big sisterly of you," I told Alice when she came back inside.

"Thanks," she replied heavily.

I wrapped her in a hug and she leaned into my chest sighing. We both knew that talking about Jasper's mistakes was hard for her. She preferred to live in the optimism of the future. Maybe this showed that she was changing. After a few moments she seemed more settled and went to join the other three, as I went back up to my work letting the kids plan and plot.

Over the next two weeks not once did I get to visit with Bella, my only viewings of her was from when I stood guard outside her home with Carlisle a few nights. She was either working or visiting the wolves. I suspected that what she had learned from Carlisle, Rosalie, and I, not to mention Alice's words, were proving to be more than she had expected and that she was dealing with the knowledge in her own way. I hoped that she didn't change her mind about becoming a Cullen, but that was merely because I didn't want to consider losing her. Despite my feelings, I wanted her to have the choice, and that meant she might say no.

Needing something to keep my attention other than the building tension and danger, I threw myself into finishing the work on the second floor, telling the kids to focus on strategy to defeat Victoria. When Carlisle was home I asked for much of his time making sure to keep things between us strong. No one liked the idea of leaving Bella undefended, and Carlisle didn't like the idea of me home alone, so we stayed in Forks when the kids were in Seattle, spending the nights outside of Bella's house keeping watch. With each passing day the tension mounted and it seemed like something had to give soon. Hopefully it would be Victoria and not our family.


	18. In a Standstill

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 25 Mar 18)

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 **Chapter 18: In a Standstill  
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The weekend after Carlisle, Rosalie, and I had told Bella our stories, upon the kids returning from Seattle, they had reported that Victoria had made two more newborns. They had ended one of the newest newborns and one other. Neither that week nor the one following had they retrieved any useful information on what Victoria's plans might be, even though they had devoted the second weekend to her. Although they had not followed the newborns like previous weekends, they reported that Victoria had added one more to the remaining five, bringing the total newborns in Seattle to six.

It had been close to the end of that first week with no one else was around when I had caught Emmett and Rosalie coming in from a hunt. Rosalie had known that I wanted to speak with Emmett, so she had taken one look at me and had headed up to shower, while I had asked Emmett to give me a minute. Emmett had a look like he was afraid that he was in trouble.

"How you doing Emmett?" I had asked concerned.

"Spiffy," he had replied clearly confused about my question.

"You've gone three weekends in a row to Seattle and killed others of our kind. You said that it sucked. So, I'll ask again. How are you doing?"

Instantly his continence changed. He grew older and looked at me wearily, his whole body sagging. "I'm okay, really," he had assured me. "It's nice to use my strength to protect our family, you know, but at the same time if the roles were reversed, I'd be the one being ended. It's confusing sometimes," he had admitted.

"It's never supposed to be easy to take another's life, Emmett, even if it's done in protection of your family. The fact that you're struggling with it means that you haven't succumbed to your baser instincts. You're acting because our hand is being forced."

Nodding he had agreed, "Yeah." After a thoughtful pause he had added, "still sucks that they weren't taught properly."

"Yes, it does," I had agreed.

"I sure got lucky," he had told me with his boyish charming smile. "I got a family and Rosalie. I got taught the proper stuff up front. I really got it good as a Cullen. Honestly it makes my determination not to let something scrumptious mess that up even stronger. It's not worth it."

"I don't think so," I had agreed appreciating his struggle, his confession, and his conclusions.

He had looked at me with a slight smile. "Interrogation over?" he had asked with a smirk.

I had swatted his arm. "Yes."

He had begun to walk away when I had reminded him, "But Emmett don't keep these things to yourself. It's important that we talk to each other. Doesn't have to be me, but someone."

"Okay, Mom," he had whined before he had sprinted up the stairs no doubt tracking down Rosalie.

As May approached, and thus over a month had passed from the beginning of them culling newborn and trying to get a read on Victoria's plan, Jasper seemed to be growing increasingly restless and unusually on edge. On top of the lack of progress in Seattle, he had been growing increasingly convinced that despite our actions, the deaths and disappearances in Seattle would hit the news soon. Apart from the number of humans that the newborns were killing, Victoria's actions of creating so many newborns made unusually high numbers of missing persons. According to Jasper, the combination was bound to garnish attention of the media.

The major issue of ending our stalemate with Victoria was that she was so flighty. No matter what we decided, Alice couldn't see Victoria's decision in response. Consequently, Alice grew frustrated and at times even acted out in slight irritation. Unfortunately, our only hope of bringing a conclusion to things was if Victoria's missing newborns would cause her to come to Forks to investigate whether we were back in a purposeful way that would allow Alice to give us warning.

The Monday after they had spent their time in Seattle attempting to learn more about Victoria's plan, Jasper and I had been home alone, a first in a while. Carlisle had been at work, Alice at school, and Rosalie and Emmett had been out hunting. He must have picked up something from my emotions, as he had come and joined me in finishing off the second floor.

"How are you?" I had asked after about an hour of companionable teamwork.

"Concerned," he had replied heavily. "I am enjoying using my mind for a true challenge, but the family is counting on me. In the South, I only had to make sure Maria and I survived, and then, Maria, Peter, and I. Accounting for our family, a whole town of humans, and a tribe of shapeshifters, along with their families, is more variables than I am accustomed."

"We'll figure it out together. You're not alone in this endeavour," I reminded him.

He had nodded, but I had suspected that he had felt a sense of responsibility about this that he wouldn't want to give up. In a way, this was an opportunity for him to use all that he had learned in the Southern Wars for protection rather than destruction.

"Would you want to talk about your confrontation with Bella a few weeks ago?" I had prodded gently after more companionable silence had passed between us.

His stance had changed slightly as if he was weighing things.

"She is brave and courageous to the point of reckless. She cares deeply, self-sacrificing for others benefit, and sees herself as expendable. She is deeply attached to us, trusting us without reservation to not take a nibble, yet edits her true emotions tremendously, particularly the darker ones. Generally, her emotions are soothing and comforting to me due to their tone. Simultaneously, I often find them often a conundrum. She brings meaning and significance to each of us, yet cannot see herself as an equal. She gives herself little worth, while the family highly values what she brings, including her humanity."

His brief synopsis was insightful in so many ways, but mostly what I heard him describe was a miscommunication and a mismatch between our family and her. Both she and we didn't seem to be fully on the same page. It was a nice confirmation of my intuition, even though I wished that wasn't the case.

One part of what he had said particularly stood out to me. "You respect her?" I had asked, for the first time thinking that he might be the only one in our family to do so. Carlisle and I cared about her and I loved her, but respected her as an equal? No, I couldn't say that we did. I wondered what that said about Jasper, who had the most slips since his joining us in 1950, might perhaps see her the most as being our equal than anyone else in the family.

He had simply nodded. "In Phoenix, I saw how she spiralled into making herself unwell and then ultimately sacrificing herself. My words were intended to stop her spiral and help her find a more appropriate response," he had explained.

"Did it work?" I had wondered.

"Seemed to," he had mused after a few moments.

Letting that topic go, as he had seemed content in his choices, I could find no fault in them, and any more prodding would be violating their privacy I asked him, "Did you take some of my bloodlust the first day Bella visited the house, since our return, when we were in her bedroom?"

"Bloodlust is a physical manifestation with emotional components," he had replied curtly.

"Thank you," I had told him in awe of what he had done. "I won't say anything to Carlisle and I commit to not thinking about what happened around Edward unless you ask me to."

He had nodded looking more relaxed.

"Have you helped the others through the years?" I had questioned gently after some time had passed.

He had sighed heavily clearly uncomfortable. "Some," he had replied tersely and then had added his tone softening some, "Blood was the reward for a job well done and to prepare for battle. Otherwise blood was received only at Maria's bidding. My thirst was always raging, although I have wondered since joining the family, if it wasn't actually all those newborns' thirst I picked up unaware."

"But if a human was near, you received blood eventually?" I had asked.

"Basically," he had answered.

"Yet, you had restrictions and had to learn to control your impulse to take what you wanted early on?" I had wondered trying to understand the picture he had been painting.

"Yes," he had replied clearly uncomfortable, most likely disliking the mental images our conversation was bringing up for him.

"So why take mine?" I had to know.

"My throat wasn't that bad and you had closer proximity," he had reported.

Having a sense that he disliked the topic and I didn't want to risk the deeper relationship we had developed over the past months, I had told him, "Well, I appreciate you looking out for myself and Bella."

His body movement had been almost as if he were embarrassed. He had said nothing more and I had begun to focus on the job at hand allowing the peace I had felt at doing the task to envelop us both. He had stopped assisting me when Alice got home from school, as they went hunting together.

Since Bella's visit, as a family we had spent each Friday night until early Saturday morning in the field training, as well as whatever was left of Sunday after the kids would get home from Seattle. The atmosphere in the house was like an impending war was looming and thus distressing. I was antsy to have it over with, but I knew we had no timetable, so my wish wasn't really possible. Really, though, more than anything, I was ready to have Bella graduated and to be able to feel safer about her future in general. How Jasper, being an empath, lived in a war zone for so long was astounding, especially after his and my conversation regarding bloodlust.

Each couple had hunted together sometime over the last two weeks making sure not to venture too far in order to limit the range of our scents. We were all getting grouchier with our situation and wanted to see Victoria and our constraints ended.

Then on Tuesday Alice got a vision while she was at school.

This prompted Bella's return to our home, since her first visit. She called her dad as soon as she had arrived to ask if she could do her project at ours claiming that since our Internet was faster, she would get what she needed quicker. He agreed even though she would miss dinner. She was cordial with me, but more standoffish and distant than in the past, mostly looking at the floor when she spoke to me and lacking her usual warm greeting. A part of me wanted to ask her about it and repair whatever was causing the gap between us, but instead I gave her space. I continued working on my project while I heard Bella have a snack and work on homework in her room. Her willingness to be in her room soothed some of my concerns.

I was finishing up her dinner when Carlisle pulled in.

First thing, he came to find me, as he always did after returning from the hospital, giving me a quick kiss.

"We were all waiting for you to get home to hear what Alice saw. Would you mind if we waited just a bit more till I have finished making Bella's dinner?" I checked in with him.

"Of course, love," he asserted. "Let me change and I'll journal until you're ready."

"Thank you," I told him before I kissed him once more and then swatted his behind gently, as to not startle Bella with the sound, and sent him on his way.

When the food was cooked, I found Bella in her room. "Bella, Carlisle's home now and your dinner is ready. I assumed that you wanted to join us in hearing what Alice saw?"

"Yes, please," she replied talking towards her desk. Choosing to wait for her, I watched as she closed her books. Her still unable to make eye contact with me, I turned around, allowing her to follow me downstairs. She took the plate with a mumbled "thank you" and then settled herself into the armchair she liked.

Everyone assembled before Bella had taken her first bite.

"Victoria has decided to come visit Forks," Alice told us all gravely. "I see her running in the forest. She must have picked up some scents, because then she turns and runs back. I recognized some of the typography in the river that she crosses."

"Do you know what day she will be here?" Carlisle asked.

"No," Alice replied disappointed. "There's no real way to say for sure, but given that she rarely makes decisions, I'd say within the week."

"Jasper?" Carlisle directed.

Jasper looked at Carlisle and then Bella, and then back to Carlisle.

"I can draw up a scenario with the Quileute's assistance and without them," he stated confidently. Then, after a brief pause added, "Either way it would be best if Bella was in La Push."

"And Charlie," Bella squeaked timidly.

"Charlie?" I asked confused.

"Yes, last time James used my mom to get to me. Charlie would need to be in La Push as well." Her voice was nearly frantic.

"Yes, I agree with Bella," Jasper amended.

"Thanks Jasper," Bella said visibly relieved.

"You're welcome," he replied and nodded.

"All right. Let me talk to Billy Black while you begin to devise strategies."

"And Bella?" Jasper asked the question loaded in his tone.

"Will most likely be responsible for getting herself and her father to La Push, although I will explain this to Billy," Carlisle directed while looking at Jasper to see if he had anything to add.

Jasper nodded as if he understood Carlisle's intention. While I was at a loss, it seemed like some secret code had passed between them. Carlisle went up to his office to speak with Billy, while Jasper went through a very rudimentary battle plan with and without the wolves. Both of Jasper's suggestions came down to surrounding Victoria and making sure we didn't let her escape.

Whatever had transpired between Jasper and Carlisle seemed to be working, because I watched as Bella seemed to become more animated and interested.

Jasper was describing more details of the option without the wolves when Carlisle came back down. He let Jasper finish before he spoke.

"Billy was agreeable to having Charlie and Bella on their land as much as possible until Victoria is ended or has left the area. He will not patrol the Swan residence prior to Victoria's arrival, as it is in neutral territory, but did not object to us doing so. He seemed surprised that the garage shop was nearly complete, pleased that it being kept away from the Forks townspeople, and agreed that we would put off any exchange until after Victoria is no longer heading in our direction. He also agreed that the protectors would cooperate in tracking and catching her. He said he would take our request to the council that we be allowed onto their lands for the sole purpose of pursuing her and vice versa. We should also patrol Bella's school when she is there."

"I don't need a bodyguard," Bella huffed.

Rosalie looked at her with irritation, Emmett chuckled, Jasper shook his head indulgently, and Alice looked at her sternly.

"I know it's hard, Bella. But these are the best precautions we have. This won't last forever," I consoled her. "Please let us keep you safe in the ways we know how until she is no longer in the area."

"I just hate feeling weak," Bella shot back irritated her eyes on her food.

"I know, dear. I know," I consoled her. "Just remember that this stage won't last forever and you are doing your part."

Her eyes shot up at me and she stared at me her eyes watering until she grumbled, "So, whose story is next?" Her tone and look implied like she was avoiding something, but I wasn't sure what.

"Mine," stated Emmett.

Bella narrowed her eyes as if daring him.

"You sure you're ready, little lady?" Emmett teased playfully.

Before Bella could respond, I interrupted. "Is your homework done, Bella?"

"Almost," she admitted sheepishly appearing as if she were folding into herself.

"How much is almost?" I pressed.

"Um," she thought for a bit, "maybe an hour."

"In that case, how about you finish your homework, and we plan on Emmett telling you his story tomorrow," I offered.

"Can't," she told me gruffly clearly upset. "I'm working," she added.

"When's your next day off?" I questioned gently.

"I get off at two in the afternoon on Saturday."

"How about then?" I encouraged.

"Fine," she agreed angrily.

She got up, took her half full dishes to the kitchen, stomped upstairs, and closed her door loudly.

"What? She doesn't get told off for slamming a door?" Emmett whined playfully.

"She'd never hear me, Emmett," I pointed out. "Not to mention that her slamming doors doesn't break them."

"Oh, yeah, right." Emmett allowed guiltily.

"But I will talk to her," I promised. "It is a house rule. We didn't mention them."

I felt Carlisle's chest chuckle even though no sound came out.

We all turned to Jasper.

"The problem is that we don't know really how Victoria's gift works. If we create a circle around her a mile out, two miles out, at what distance will she bolt? I suspect that our best bet is a horseshoe configuration leading her into Quileute territory, but then we're assuming the wolves will force her into the trees."

"Could we somehow use the fact that we expect her to go to the trees to our advantage?" Rosalie asked.

"Yes, if we were on neutral territory," Jasper replied, "but we can't exactly lay in wait on Quileute land, even if we are in the trees."

He looked at Carlisle for verification.

"That's a fair assumption," Carlisle agreed.

They continued planning and plotting. I enjoyed watching Carlisle be a part of the conversation. He wasn't the military mind of Jasper, but he was a skilled strategist nonetheless. After an hour, I went up to Bella's room and knocked lightly.

"Come in," she offered quietly.

"How's the homework coming, Bella?" I asked ensuring my tone was soft and inviting.

"Close to being done," she informed me as if I had chastised her.

"Glad to hear it," I let her know gently waiting in a non-intrusive manner.

She went back to her homework in a teenage strop that I knew well.

After more minutes passed, I decided to confront her, rather than allow her to continue to avoid whatever it was that was causing her behaviours. "You seem unusually testy, and if I didn't know better, I would say that you were avoiding me. Want to talk about it?"

Bella turned towards me her eyes locked onto her bedspread next to where I was sitting seemingly unable to make eye contact with me.

"No," she insisted and then after a minute added in a whisper, "yes. I probably should." Then she added in a mutter her ire apparent even in her low tone, "Carlisle said it was part of the deal."

I just waited hoping that doing so would allow whatever was bothering her to bubble out.

Finally, she spoke again her eyes still fixed on the bedspread. "It's so irritating that you and Carlisle are so _reasonable_. You don't ever say no, just not yet, and you always have a good reason. You both are so genuine in your willingness to grant me what I want and your conditions really are for my benefit. It's impossible to argue with you." She huffed.

"Why would you want to argue, Bella?" I asked confused about her reasoning.

She sat thoughtfully. "Because I'm mad and frustrated."

I thought about that. Having drawn no conclusions I asked, "Do you know what about?"

"Lots of things," she uttered in a huff.

I sat waiting. After what seemed like a longer period that was expected for her to have continued, I commented, "I'm listening."

That seemed to do the trick, as she began speaking again this time in a rush, as if the words were finally breaking through whatever barrier she had constructed. "I'm mad about all that I've heard that you and Rosalie have had to endure. I'm mad about how Rosalie's comments confirmed what Carlisle said about the advantages of waiting till I'm older. I'm mad that I was wrong. I'm mad that I need to wait. I'm mad that people I love are risking their lives _again_ to keep me safe. I'm mad that _he's_ not here to help catch Victoria. I'm mad that _he_ made it seem like you all wanted a clean break. I'm angry with Jake's pals and how they talk about you guys. I'm mad that they will see me as the enemy one day, which is entirely ridiculous and unnecessary. I'm so mad Esme." By the end she was crying and had wrapped her legs up into her chest.

"Oh, sweet girl come here," I encouraged.

When she did not budge only crying harder, I went over to her picking her up and put her in my arms. I held her with my left arm and stroked her hair with my right.

We sat like that for some time.

After a long silence, she pulled back from me and wiped her eyes. "Does it get easier?" she asked softly.

"Yes, as we get older some of what you're struggling with now will level out, but then we are asked to face other things. There isn't an ideal age, Bella, but neither Carlisle nor I want you to struggle like Rosalie has." I looked at her seriously. "Bella, you have a right to be mad. It's not fair or right that Victoria is causing the problems she is. Not to mention that the preconceived ideas of others are often not fair.

"It's not fair for them to ask you to pick between those you love or put pressure on you to do anything other than what you feel is what is best for you. Honestly, I am so upset at my son that I can't even speak to that. But a part of growing up is learning to accept what we cannot change, to trust ourselves, to lean on others whom we can, and to do what we know is right, even if those we love disagree.

"And it's okay that you're afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that you will be hurt or that something untoward will happen. When we love we risk and that risk comes with fear. But Carlisle not long ago helped me remember that perfect love cast out fear. That kind of love comes with faith and trust. Trust us, trust yourself, and have faith that we will all see another day.

"These years are tough years, Bella, even without the supernatural stuff, but you're a tough girl. You'll get through this. We'll get Victoria. We'll handle those she made. You'll finish listening to our stories. You'll go to college. At that time you'll make a decision of what you believe is best for you. I can only promise that we will stand by you and support you no matter what you choose."

"Thank you, Esme," she muttered through tears as she drew into me, the pressure she exerted increasing.

She held me tight enough and for long enough that I decided to stop breathing, as I didn't want to have to withdraw from her. It was getting easier with practice, but the thumping of her veins on my skin was still a struggle.

When she pulled back I looked at her sincerely. "Anytime, Bella. And when you're ready to talk about my son, know that I am willing and able to listen, but so is Jasper, if you'd rather, or even Alice. It might be decades, but I am certain he will return one day. And whatever decision you make should be about what's best for you, indeterminate of anyone else, all right?"

"Yes, ma'am," she muttered with a frown.

For a moment I worried that my tone had been too forceful, as she didn't usually respond so formally. But since I was unwilling to take back any of my words or even my tone, I simply offered, "That's my girl. Now get your stuff. You need to head home, unless you want to sleep here for the night."

She carefully weighed her response before she told me, "Let me call my dad, Esme."

"No problem. I'll wait right outside for you."

She nodded and began walking over to the phone.

Even though I heard the conversation, I waited for Bella to open her door. "He said that I could spend the night. Did you or Alice happen to place a spare pair of pyjamas, and a pair of jeans with a T-shirt for tomorrow in that magical wardrobe?"

"I believe so, although they'll be higher end than you are used to." I let her know.

"Figured," she muttered under her breath.

I showed her the options hoping that my insisting Alice get things Bella would like would be worth the disagreement that there had been between us.

"Those aren't too bad," Alice relented.

Holding in a smile at my triumph, I suggested, "Why don't I wait here while you shower?"

She looked like she wanted to object, but said nothing.

When she was finished and came out I made the mistake of taken a breath in. She had a richer earthier tone wet, which made her blood even more alluring. I wondered briefly how she would smell once she was turned before I reminded myself over and over that Bella was to be my daughter.

"How about you lay down and I'll start my tale of what I imagined if Carlisle had followed his heart more when I was sixteen?" I suggested hoping doing so would distract me from my bloodlust.

Bella smiled. "I'd like that Esme."

Waiting till she was settled in bed, I warred with my bloodlust feeling like I was back to those first years doing Carlisle's exposure tests.

Once I felt fairly certain that I had control over myself, I settled down next to her resting my back on the headboard and running my fingers through her hair hopefully in a comforting manner. When both of us seemed ready I started by saying, "There once was this lonely single handsome doctor …" and I told the story until her breathing changed signally that she was deep asleep.

When I got downstairs they were still talking strategy.

"Every scenario gives Victoria too much space and us too little room for error. We need some way to bring the odds in our favour," Jasper stated irritatingly after a few more hours had passed.

"We'll work with what we've got," Carlisle insisted.

"We might not get another chance like this," Jasper pointed out.

"Yes, I'm aware," Carlisle conceded. "I don't believe it's worth the risk, not when we have so much on our side. I trust that Victoria won't get through."

Jasper simply nodded in acquiescence.

The change in their relationship was enjoyable to see.

Bella and Alice went off to school in the morning, Carlisle went to work, Emmett stood guard outside of school, while Rosalie and Jasper tried to think of every possible thing that could go wrong with Victoria and how to circumvent it, and I sat listening. Eventually I began to see Jasper's frustration. He didn't know enough about how Victoria's gift worked to make definitive strategies. There were a lot of ifs. I didn't like the ifs any more than he did.

Alice stood guard outside Newman's while Bella worked. Jasper joined her until Bella fell asleep, and then Carlisle and I stood watch till the morning when he needed to head back to get ready for work.

"Will it work, Carlisle?" I asked as we had stood guard.

"We don't know, love," he admitted contemplating, his tone a touch uncertain. "We're going to do our best."

I had nodded in acknowledgement his words, even though I wished they had been different. We didn't really know.

Thursday Rosalie and Emmett went together to guard the school. I reminded them to not get distracted. They both rolled their eyes, but nodded in agreement reluctantly. The rest of our guard rotation remained the same. Friday was much the same as Thursday. The conversation about what could happen when Victoria arrived was getting more and more unlikely, but I still listened and tried to imagine her in my own way.

Carlisle and I were standing outside Bella's home, as she was just about ready to head to work, when Alice called Carlisle.

"It looks probable to be tonight after sundown," Alice informed him.

"All right, let me call Billy. We'll be home shortly," he let her know.

He hung up the phone and rung the Quileute.

"Good morning, Mr. Black," he greeted Billy when the phone connected.

"Good morning Dr. Cullen. What can I do for you?" he asked tersely, although his tone contained less hostility than I had heard in the past.

"First, we believe that it will happen this evening. As such, I wanted to offer for you to send a representative to our discussion of plans. I also was hopeful that you would be willing to spare someone to keep an eye on Bella today till 2pm. She's working at Newton's."

"Yes, for Bella," Billy grunted after only a short pause. "Sam will decide who. And I'll let Sam know of your offer. If he says yes, he would want to bring more than himself."

"As many as he needs to feel comfortable would be fine by us," Carlisle assured him.

"Fine," Billy grumbled. "What time?"

"Would thirty minutes be too soon?" Carlisle asked.

"Possibly," was Billy's curt reply.

"All right," Carlisle answered. "Let's say an hour then."

"Sure, sure," Billy agreed. "I'll let them know."

"Thank you, Mr. Black."

"Sure," he told Carlisle and then promptly hung up.

Carlisle looked pleased at the conversation. Not long after we watched Bella drive away, followed beside her till she was at work, and then ran home.

"The Quileutes might be sending a representative to hear our ideas in about twenty-five minutes and they have agreed to send someone to keep an eye on Bella," Carlisle told everyone once we were all in the living room.

"Not in the house," demanded Rosalie.

"Suggestions?" Carlisle replied.

"In front of the house?" I offered.

"How many are they sending?" Jasper asked.

"He didn't say. I would guess four, including Sam, since he promised one to guard Bella," Carlisle responded.

"I'd rather not near the house at all, just in case," I requested rethinking things.

"All right," Carlisle agreed. "We shall meet them here in front of the house and run them to the field?" Carlisle offered as an alternative.

We all nodded.

"Agreed," Carlisle stated with finality.

Everyone dispersed.

"Carlisle, if it's all right, can we take some time for ourselves?" I asked him. "And I'd like to change my clothes."

Looking at me unsure of my motivations to my request he told me, "Certainly."

We went upstairs, changed, and ended up lying in bed with him holding me not a word passing between us. Nevertheless, we found comfort in each other's presence. When it was time we went downstairs and waited outside for the Quileutes' arrival.

The kids joined us shortly after. Only moments later four large wolves emerged from the trees. Carlisle stepped forward.

"We thank you for coming and being willing to work together for the protection of those in this area against our common enemy," Carlisle welcomed them. "If you are agreeable, we'd like to head out to a large clearing where there would be more space. We thought this alternative location might be more comfortable for us all."

One of the wolves, the black one, moved his head as if in agreement.

Carlisle led the way holding my hand. Alice and Jasper ran on my right while Rosalie and Emmett ran on Carlisle's left. The wolves seemed to keep a respectable distance, but they still made me anxious, the awareness that they had killed Laurent very present for me.

Once we arrived and turned to face the wolves, we found one of them in their human form some distance off with two wolves on his left and one on his right looking like they were ready to spring as any moment at us.

"Sam, I presume?" Carlisle greeted him.

He nodded. "I phased back to let you know that we have only agreed to listen. Our presence does not mean we have agreed to your plan."

"We understand your stipulation and appreciate your presence," Carlisle replied diplomatically.

Sam nodded for Carlisle to continue.

"My son, Jasper," Carlisle raised his hand in his direction, "will be presenting the possibilities as we see it. May I suggest after his presentation that you phase back to human form to discuss what you find agreeable and add your own ideas? After that, if possible, I would like for us to practise working together. Victoria has a gift making her difficult to catch and giving her a canny capacity to get away unharmed. We might not get another chance like this."

Sam looked at another wolf who bowed his head and then he turned back to us. "We are agreed with your terms," he stated formally.

"Thank you, Sam."

Sam stepped back into the trees and then returned as a wolf. Carlisle stepped back towards me and Jasper stepped forward.

"We are presuming that she will be coming towards us from Seattle through the Olympic National Park. We are also presuming that she is coming to glean more information about us. The best plan we have come up with is that once she's close enough to create a U around her and assume that her instincts will lead her through the opening we have created, which will send her towards La Push. Hopefully she'll assume that we're doing that to use your presence to get rid of her, since her coven leader James considered us cowards, we are hoping she'll hold a similar idea. Once you make your appearance, she will most likely take to the trees. You will pursue her on the ground and us in the trees until we catch her. An important aspect of this plan is to keep her from getting close to the ocean."

Then he brought out a map, took two steps closer to the wolves, and showed them on the map his idea and expectations. After a thorough walk through of all the possible things that Victoria might do and how to counteract them, Jasper stepped back. We waited as the black wolf stepped into the trees again.

"Is it not also possible that she will run towards you in order to escape us?" Sam asked.

"It's not as likely," Jasper answered curtly. "We killed Victoria's companion, James, who was a stronger fighter than us. However, there is a slight possibility that she will determine us weaker than yourselves."

"This is the James that was after Bella last year?" Sam asked unsure.

"Yes, the same," Carlisle answered.

"Is there are chance that there will be other vampires in addition to her?" Sam asked.

"We haven't seen Victoria deciding to bring anyone with her, but yes, there is some possibility," Jasper replied. "If we become aware that is happening, we will inform you as soon as possible. If this is agreeable to you, we'd like to practice the plan some."

Sam looked back at the wolves and seemed to communicate to them. Turning back to us, he stated, "We are agreeable to try out your plan tonight. What were you hoping to gain in this practise session?"

"Rosalie," Jasper placed his palm in her direction, "will act as Victoria and go to the trees. We will simply practice working together to capture her. Hopefully doing so will decrease any mishaps that might occur otherwise."

Sam looked back at the wolf to his right, who nodded. "We are agreed. We need your scents to make sure there are no mistakes."

"Certainly," Carlisle agreed easily.

I worked to keep the shudder of revulsion at the idea from showing.

"Please spread out some and stay still," Sam requested seriously.

"Of course," Carlisle replied as if this was an everyday occurrence then he looked at us, "Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice?"

They each nodded reluctantly and stepped away from their mates. Then he stepped forward and away from me. I tried to be brave, but I was terrified at the idea of having them so close to me. Soon after a heavy dose of Jasper's calmness descended. I lent into it, allowing it to work, trusting in Carlisle and Jasper.

Sam returned to his wolf form and then like a procession one by one they came to each of us. I found it very difficult to stay still. Everything inside of me wanted to defend Carlisle and myself. Standing there, allowing them so close went against my instincts, so I tried to pay attention to the nature that surrounded us and my family's scents that hung in the air. Eventually the last wolf walked by me. Once they were finished, Jasper suggested some trees to our south.

Rosalie positioned herself. We stayed to the outskirts of the field and allowed the wolves to move even further south of her.

"Are you sure this is such a good idea?" Emmett murmured quickly. There was a growl in his words.

"Trust requires both sides, Emmett," Carlisle said soothingly.

"And I taught her some moves," added Jasper and winked at Emmett.

Emmett grimaced, but said no more.

When the wolves were in place they ran towards Rosalie. She simply jumped tree to tree never getting close to their jaws. I could see them getting more and more frustrated.

"Go," stated Jasper.

We ran towards Rosalie jumping into the trees as soon as we hit the tree line. I could see why Jasper chose Rosalie. She was cunning and smart in her choices. Eventually it was Emmett that grabbed her.

"Got you babe," he uttered before he kissed her passionately his relief palatable.

"Back to the field," ordered Jasper.

We all complied, including the wolves. As soon as they exited the tree line Sam was in human form.

"Is it possible to herd her closer to the ground?" Sam asked.

"We can try, but we suspect that Victoria will be highly resistant to doing so," Carlisle answered.

Sam just nodded. Then he added, "The last red-eyed guy wasn't so difficult."

"That does not surprise me. Victoria seems particular gifted at evasion," Carlisle explained.

Sam stood in thought.

"I would like to propose doing the same thing again, but with my wife, Alice," Jasper offered. "She thinks differently than Rosalie."

I could hear Jasper holding in his reluctance to even utter such a thing. That he had suggested it at all meant that he had grown in trust with the wolves, at least to some degree.

Sam turned and went back into the forest. The other wolves followed. Alice went into the trees. Jasper was right. Alice's tactics were completely different. Even without her gift to aid her, her movements seemed random. It was difficult to know where she'd be next. Often, she was where the wolves hadn't anticipated, and she could have damaged one of them.

"Go," Jasper whispered to us.

He sprung towards her quicker than I had ever seen him move. He must have been really struggling to stay in place and watch. Once we were closer he stayed back and allowed the rest of us to catch her. I would bet that if Jasper wanted, he could have caught her at any time. They were too well attuned to each other for it to be any other way.

By sure chance I was the one that caught her.

"Nice work, Esme," Jasper congratulated me.

"Nice job," Carlisle said into my ear when he came near me.

We all returned to the field.

"Our time is coming to a close," Carlisle informed us all. "Any more questions or suggestions, Sam?"

He shook his head in wolf form.

"Then we are agreed to work together?" Carlisle questioned his hope present in his undertone.

Sam nodded.

"We believe she will be here after dark, but we don't know a time," Carlisle informed them.

Sam nodded once more.

"We will send Bella to La Push before dark," Carlisle told them.

Sam nodded again.

"Until tonight, then," Carlisle offered as a farewell.

The pack turned and ran off.

We all visually relaxed.

"That went well," Carlisle determined.

I chuckled. He seemed to always see the best. It was one of the many things I loved about him.

"Well, they're alive and we're alive. If that's well, then, yup, Pop, I agree," Emmett deadpanned.

We all chuckled and relaxed even more.

"Alice and I are going to hunt," Jasper informed us. "We won't be long."

"All right. See you back at the house," Carlisle agreed.

The four of us ran off towards the house while Alice and Jasper ran west.

If this was what the life of most traditional vampires were like, then I was even more grateful to be a Cullen and what Carlisle had created. This rhythm of waiting, living in tension, planning, but unsure of what would be the next best move, only for things to be instantly changed to urgency, anticipation, and fear of loss wasn't for me. It helped me appreciate Jasper's relentless strategizing in the waiting periods. Nevertheless, I would be entirely grateful for when our life went back to being boring and the most dangerous thing was Emmett's antics or something getting broken.

When we got to the house the scent of shapeshifters was heavy in the front trees, but no heartbeat could be heard apart from Bella's, who by the sounds of it was in the kitchen making food.

"I would appreciate it if you both would join us in the living room after you clean up," I asked Rosalie and Emmett.

They nodded in agreement.

"Please don't get distracted," I added on.

They frowned, but agreed.

Carlisle and I moved towards the house together at a human pace, needing some alone time, to greet Bella. While we moved slowly Rosalie and Emmett could be heard already showering together. As least they were minding my request and being relatively quick about it.

"I got off work a little early," Bella explained defensively as soon as we entered the kitchen. "I hope you don't mind. I was hungry."

Her tone confused me. Had we not told her that we wanted to make her a Cullen? We had made her a room. Had we been unclear in our intentions in some way?

"Our house is your home, Bella," Carlisle said seriously his concern about her words hidden in his undertone.

"Anytime, no matter what," I reiterated.

Her cheeks filled with blood till they were a nice plush rose colour.

"Okay, thank you," she said meekly her eyes going to the pan.

Carlisle went over to her and gently raised her chin. "Bella, we are only beginning to get to know one another, so I can understand that it might be hard for you to believe, but I do not make promises lightly," he told her sternly. "The words I spoke were the truth, no addition, hyperbole, or modification. Whatever we have that you need is yours. And I _will_ change you upon the conditions we agreed. The parts regarding your transformation and voting will come in time, if that still is what you want."

"Yes, sir," she muttered shyly sounding admonished.

Carlisle let his hand drop and looked over at me his eyes asking me if he had spoken too harshly.

Shrugging, I was learning Bella myself.

"You're not in trouble, Bella," Carlisle spoke softly. "I just wanted to make sure we were clear. You are wanted and accepted here. I wouldn't have promised what I did otherwise."

Tears started coming down her face.

I came over to the other side of her and wrapped my arm around her side.

Carlisle placed his hand on her shoulder.

"What is it, Bella?" I asked longing for her to be honest with us.

For many long minutes tears ran down her face, she stared at the stove, and said nothing. Finally she spluttered, "It just feels weird. I didn't mean to doubt you."

Carlisle and I looked at each other above her head sharing a questioning gaze.

"What feels weird, darling?" I asked gently after it appeared she wasn't going to explain.

"Being wanted without contributing anything," she admitted slowly and in a hushed whisper. "My mother is great in many ways. But she's flighty. She needed me. I kept the household going and cooked. She loves me dearly, but … she didn't care for me like you guys do. Here I'm taken care of, nothing is required of me other than to do homework and get healthier, and you're reasonable. You look out for my best interests and give me more than I've ever had. It feels weird."

"What about your father?" I asked softly grateful she was finally opening up.

"Um, I don't know him well. For the last couple of years, I only saw him for two weeks in the summer. He loves me in his own way, but things with him aren't like you guys either."

I grabbed Carlisle and wrapped us around her.

"You, Bella, just as you are, for the amazing creature that you are, are wanted. You don't need to do anything, prove anything, or demonstrate anything. Just as you are, you are wanted by us," I reassured her.

I could feel her shaking. "I'm afraid that you're going to change your minds like _he_ did," she admitted as a breath into our chests. "I'm not contributing anything, unless you count being a distraction, and there's probably something wrong with me that I'm so desperate for the slightest attention from you, but I don't care." Her breathing hitched and breathlessly she uttered desperation coating her words, "Please don't leave me."

Feeling myself begin to growl, I attempted to control myself to not frighten her and looked at Carlisle pleading for him to have the words to fix the wounds our son had caused.

We stepped back a little. She looked up as us surprised.

"Never," Carlisle stated without equivocation or room for discussion.

"Never," I agreed fiercely.

She looked stunned.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked gently.

Her eyes blinked and she looked at him in a haze.

He held her eyes like he had in the car when she had gone into shock. "Are you afraid that we're going to ask you to go through all this and change our minds or that it is merely a delay tactic?"

She nodded slowly like she was agreeing against her desire to hide this.

"That is not the case," Carlisle stated as equally firmly. "We _all–_ Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Esme, and I–are agreed about you becoming a Cullen. We merely wish you to do so with the best advantage possible. We want you to learn from our mistakes. It comes from our care and desire to protect you, not anything else."

"Do you believe us to be cruel creatures, Bella?" I asked her after she stood there saying nothing.

She shook her head in disbelief.

"Then be confident that we could never be as cruel as your fear," I pleaded with her.

She hung her head. "I'm sorry," she muttered.

"For what?" I asked astonished.

"For my lack of faith in what you promised," she clarified timidly.

"Bella," I warned.

She tucked her head in.

"Look at me please," I requested.

She raised her head slowly.

"Bella, you do not have to apologise for the consequences of the pain you have suffered. It is not your fault that you had a mother that needed your assistance so much, a father that loves you, but doesn't know you, or the grievous statements made by my son. I can only offer to help you in your healing process."

"And even if you can't trust in anything else in your life, Bella, you can trust in our promises," Carlisle added.

Bella had a faraway look like she had in the car when too much information had been given to her.

"I think your food might be done," I commented while I stepped back. As I did, Carlisle stepped back as well.

She nodded and focused on the food.

"We'll see you in the living room, Bella," I let her know.

"Okay," she replied hoarsely.

Carlisle and I walked away together.

"I think I just joined 'the quarter and keep him in separate boxes' committee," I admitted to Carlisle sadly in our quick murmur.

He wrapped his arm around me.

He sat on the couch and I pressed myself into him.

After he took a deep in breath of my scent he admitted into my ear, "Being in such proximity to her, to feel her body throb against me was particularly startling."

Moving, so I could look up at him, I wondered what he was actually saying. When it appeared that he was going to say no more I asked, "Were you tempted?"

"In a way," he admitted sheepishly. "Few human over the years have hugged me and when they have, it has been brief. That, holding Bella for an extended period of time, is nothing like I have experienced. It was like it arose something within me that I was not accustomed to." He paused and then added, "I owe you the most grievous of apologies. I did not give you nearly enough credit. Forgive me, my darling Miss Platt."

"You have nothing to need forgiveness from," I told him earnestly, then even more softly added, "But I am glad you were able to experience my struggle in some way. It seems to get better with practice, like everything else. But the last time she spent the night she had just come out of the shower and I had to enact some of the resistance tricks you taught me in my early years."

He kissed my forehead. "And here she stands. You are incredible my love," he murmured into my ear as Rosalie and Emmett came down the stairs with looks of wondering of what was going on.

I could understand their confusion. I had been in the kitchen with Bella during our exchange and didn't completely understand what had happened.

"Bella's afraid we'll change our mind," Carlisle explained.

"She'll be all right," I assured them.

"Is that because of _Edward_?" Rosalie hissed his name as they sat down.

"In part. She also hasn't had the easiest of childhoods," I said in a tone that told them to drop it reminding them to not repeat what they had heard.

Rosalie nodded. She, more than anyone, understood the desire to privacy and the weight of needing to be something for her parent's sake.

Maybe one day Bella would be able to open up to Rosalie.

After a few minutes Bella came in. Her eyes were still red and puffy. She sat down in the armchair that she had been claiming the last few weeks. I dared not tell her that had been nearly always where Edward had sat, but that fact caused me to wonder how he was.

Over the last weeks Carlisle had not been able to get through to him. He believed the phone was off. Alice confirmed that he was still hold up in the room in Brazil. Pushing my concern and sorrow for my son away, I forced myself to focus on the family that was here sitting with me.

"So, Emmett, you threatened to tell me about your early years," Bella teased clearly wanting to forget the conversation that had transpired in the kitchen.

Exchanging a look with Carlisle, we silently agreed to let her drop it, although we both also seemed to agree that it was a topic we might need to revisit in the future.

"Yes, I suppose I did," he grumbled. "Are you sure? It's gruesome and graphic. I'd hate for you to lose your lunch," he smirked.

"I'll be good," she insisted.

"You asked for it," he threatened.

Bella smiled demurely and Emmett grinned menacingly.

He certainly would hold nothing back. Hopefully she wouldn't get sick. If nothing else, his story seemed like it might be a good distraction from the threat of Victoria that hung over us all.

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 _A/N: Can't wait to hear from you._


	19. Near Misses

**Staringatthesky's story _All That I Am_ inspired much of what is found in the first third of this chapter.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 1 Apr 18)

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 **Chapter 19: Near Misses  
**

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Emmett's voice rang clear as he began telling his story. "My family was poor, and I didn't have steady work at the time, so it was my responsibility to go into the woods and bring back meat. Mostly, I caught rabbits. One day, while I was out checking my traps and seeing if maybe I could get close enough to shoot a deer, I heard a sound indicating large game. Quieting myself, I laid down on the ground, put my rifle under my arm, and waited. It didn't take too long before I saw a fairly good sized black bear.

"I lined up my shot and fired. At the last moment the bear had moved causing me to nick its arm instead. I reloaded the rifle and went to shoot again, but in its fear and fury, it had run in my direction. Without thinking things through, I stood to get out of its way. Before I could take a step back, the bear had run its claws through the front of me. I crumpled in shock. Then the strangest thing happened. The bear froze, as if afraid, and then bolted away. I said a prayer thanking whatever angel had stopped me being bear food, but I knew there was no way I was going to make it home.

"They say that your life flashes before your eyes as you near death. Mine didn't. Instead I looked down at my chest, knew I was a goner, knew that I had committed probably too many sins in my short life to consider a confessional being adequate, and willingly accepted whatever fate God had for me. Just as I did so, standing over me was the most beautiful angel I had ever seen. She glowed with radiance surrounding her, and she was gorgeous beyond measure. The thing that really caught my attention, though, was that her eyes were onyx. I figured she must be an avenging angel sent to take my soul. I looked at her and gave it to her willingly.

"She came towards me. She seemed as if she was going to speak, but then didn't. Instead before I could blink, she put me in her arms like I weighed less than a feather and ran like the wind. The pain of my chest was excruciating. Blood ran out of me in a steady stream leaving a trail the worst tracker could have found. Even so, the pain I felt was made manageable by her face. I just stared at her set jaw and eyes furrowed in determination and wondered what had made her face turn like that.

"Despite my intense will to watch my angel, I occasionally dropped out of consciousness. Even in that state I could never forget the first word she uttered, 'Carlisle!' Her voice was more majestic that any church choir I had ever heard. My mind raced trying to discern what a Carlisle could be. Was she speaking in a foreign language? Was she sending me to my final resting place? Her next words were at least in English, but no less confusing, 'Change him!' Change me? To what? Why? 'I can't, Rosalie. I gave my word.' I heard another voice answer.

"It too had a musical tone, but nothing was as glorious as my angel. My angel sounded angry. I couldn't understand how such heavenly sound could also sound enraged, but it did. 'You did this to me, Carlisle. I have played by your rules and done what you have asked. I have played the role of daughter. I have never asked you for anything. I'm calling in your debt. You owe me. Change him!' I heard a deep sigh as if the oceans had just been parted. 'You'll have to help care for him. He'll be stronger than us all,' the voice answered in resignation."

Emmett's voice was full of love and awe as he continued, "My angel was no longer angry. She was pleading. 'Yes, Carlisle. Anything, please, save him before it's too late.' Then the other voice said, 'It might be too late, Rosalie, but I will try for your sake, if I have your word.' My angel sounded relieved and grateful as she spoke. 'Yes, Carlisle, you have my word.' Then the other voice ordered, 'Leave me. I'll call you when it's done.' There were sounds that did not register as something cold touched me. 'I am sorry for what I will do, sir,' the voice who had been speaking to my angel told me. 'You are dying. Rosalie has asked for me to save you the only way that I can for your condition. It will be painful. You will burn. Please forgive me.' Then he said a prayer in Latin, I think.

"I never was really good about going to church, so I didn't know the prayer, but it was comforting nonetheless. Then without warning I felt what I swore were sharp teeth biting into my neck, then my wrists, then my ankles. By the time I was bitten on my ankles, fire was beginning to spread from my neck and wrists. Shortly after more fire grew from my ankles and from the inside of my upper thigh. I wished for death. I would have rather faced the wrath of Heaven Almighty and live in damnation for the rest of my existence then have to endure that fire.

"I have no idea how long I burned for, merely that it seemed like it would never end. When it finally began to recede, the parts where the fire had left felt strange, like a kind of hypothermia. In the distance, I could feel a hand stroking my hair. I hoped that it was my angel, but then the fire began again and I was lost to it. When I came to again my heart was hammering so hard, I was certain it would collapse from the speed. Then it did stop and the fire was extinguished, except in my throat. I felt parched like I had never known before.

"Curious about what had happened, I opened my eyes to find my angel sitting next to me. 'Hello,' I greeted her. 'Carlisle, he's awake,' was her reply, which was confusing. My voice didn't sound like my own. Did she not hear me? Could she not understand me? Then a blond man came in. I jumped off the table, put my angel behind me, and growled like a bear giving a warning. He put up his hands in surrender and spoke. 'Hello. My name is Carlisle Cullen. You are in my family's home. Behind you is my daughter, Rosalie. I also have a son, Edward, and a wife, Esme. They are in the other room in order to give you some space. We mean you no harm.'

"I thought about that and then about what he had said before regarding the fire and about there being no other way to save me. I had already known I was a goner. Had I died and entered another reality? 'He thinks he's dead, Carlisle,' a voice from the other room said. That was irritating. How could he know that? The person claiming to be Carlisle spoke again, which got my attention. 'You didn't cease to exist. The bites I gave you put something in your blood that changed you into your present form. Do you remember?' I nodded. 'Do you remember your name?' he asked kindly as if everyone could forget their name, which just seemed dumb. 'Emmett McCarty, sir.' He smiled as if my answer had pleased him. I decided that he must be thick.

"I growled ferociously at the snickering I heard from the other room. By that time, my throat had turned into a forest fire. 'Edward,' Carlisle said in a warning tone. Then he turned to me. 'We are not humans, Emmett, and neither are you anymore. We need blood to survive. The burning in your throat is your body telling you to hunt. My family hunts the blood of animals. We're all going to go outside now and go with you to hunt. Don't worry, we won't take what you need, but we will keep you safe.' I looked at him sceptically, but nodded.

"I looked back to my angel and asked, 'Are you coming?' 'Yes,' she answered curtly. I wasn't sure what her tone was about, but as long as she was coming, then I paid it no mind. 'Show me the way,' I told Carlisle. He walked out the door. I moved so that Rosalie could go next, then followed after. Once we were outside I saw the two others. The sun had risen, but was behind clouds. By where it was in the sky I'd say that it was between nine and ten in the morning. There was almost no breeze. The air felt heavy, but not suffocating. I eyed the second male. He wasn't even looking at me as if a leaf was the most interesting thing ever. I decided that he must be mentally challenged or something, so I would let him be.

"Carlisle ran into the woods and I followed. Rosalie ran a few feet to the right of me, but slightly in front. Suddenly Carlisle stopped. 'Can you smell that?' I stopped and took a breath in. I could smell so much it was incredible. I got like a super sniffer or something. I wondered if he had made me into a strange kind of bear, although bears ate fish and honey, not really blood, so that didn't seem to work.

"Before another thought passed through my mind, I was off running towards the scent. Coming into a clearing, the smallest part of my mind labelled what I had found a herd of deer. Without pause, my body moved into action my mouth attaching itself to one and my arms reaching out catching two others. After all three were empty, I looked down at the beasts impressed with my hunting ability, yet still my throat ached. Not like it had upon my awakening, but it wasn't gone. It was irritating. 'More?' I asked Carlisle as I turned around to face him. 'Perhaps he'll need more than we did when we were turned due to his size,' the strange boy said to no one in particular.

"Carlisle nodded thoughtfully and turned to me, 'Yes, let's find you some more.' So, we did. It took a while because we found a river and I jumped in and tried to catch some fish. They're slippery buggers, let me tell you. Luckily being in the river had washed the blood from my clothes a bit, but then I was wet. Stranger still, once I had stepped out of the river and shook the excess water from myself some, my clothes didn't seem to dry on my body like I was used to. I just shrugged it off figuring it must be some side effect from what I had become, and kept running till Carlisle stopped again. This time I caught the scent of something much more desirous.

"I ran after the scent and came across a black bear. The only reason I registered what was before me and slowed was because I felt a little trepidation. Something about how I had died lingered in my mind and gave me pause. It roared at me in warning. Without thought, I roared back. That was when I remembered how easily I had killed three deer and began to become excited and the prospect of ending its life, even if it was unlikely to be the same bear that had given me my wounds. It took a step back ready to run. I pounced and found the sweet spot calling to me. I drank it dry and stepped away elated.

"My throat felt better, the lingering sensation like being thirsty on a hot muggy day. Nothing dissimilar to what I was used to as a farm hand. 'After you finish, Emmett, we bury them,' Carlisle explain, 'like so.' He showed me how to hide the body. 'We can't have humans come across a carcass with no blood,' he explained. I just nodded as if I understood. This is a strange way of living, but it has some perks. Being stronger than a bear is definitely one of them, I thought to myself. We started running again back the way we came.

"I tried to tackle the boy, but I seemed to always miss him and he didn't seem to want to play. Eventually I got in front of him, but then seemed to slip by me. Frustrated I just got in front of him again. After a few rounds of this, he finally grumbled, 'Fine. No biting or pulling off limbs. If we pin the other, it ends. Agreed?' I grinned and nodded. He was hard to get a hold on, but anytime he would get me, I'd just fling him off me. Esme, Carlisle, and Rosalie just stood by and watched. After many hours, my throat began to ache again. Oddly enough even though the sun had sunk a while prior, my ability to see was just as good as it had been during the day.

"With my throat becoming more and more inflamed, I sniffed out the air and caught a scent. Without warning, I bolted in its direction. I came upon a coyote, which was better than the deer, but not as good as the bear. I wanted another bear, but I wasn't sure how to find one on purpose. I ran a little and smelled the air. I could hear something tantalizing, so I followed the sound. I found more deer. I didn't really like deer, but my throat hurt too much to complain, so I took down two.

"By the third day Carlisle asked if I felt as if I would need to hunt again soon. I answered in the negative. There had seemed to be longer stretches between kills. I assumed that we would head back to their house. They didn't seem like the kind of sort that were used to living in the woods like I was. Sure enough, not long afterwards the house came into view. I sat down outside, while the rest of them went inside, and played with sticks.

"I kept crumbling them, instead of holding them, so that I might make patterns in the ground. I was getting mightily irritated. Esme came out and sat a few feet from me. 'The strength is hard to get used to at first, but you'll get the hang of it,' she encouraged. 'Did Carlisle bite you too?' I asked curious. 'Yes, he changed all of us. He changed Edward first, then me, then Rosalie, and now yourself,' she explained. We sat in companionable silence while I tried to get the hang of holding sticks.

"I was nearly getting to the point where they would just crack instead of disintegrate, when Esme spoke again, 'What can you tell me about yourself, Mr. McCarthy?' I liked that as I had no recollection of ever been called Mr. McCarthy. With her gentle prompt, I told her some of the things that I could remember. I told her about my brothers and sisters as best I could, about ma and pa, about the hard times and little work. We sat there with me talking until the sun rose again. 'Do you need to hunt once more?' she asked. 'I'd like another bear,' I answered. 'I bet,' she smiled. 'The thing is, Mr. McCarthy, if you take all the bears, there won't be any for next year,' she said sweetly. Yes, I supposed she did have a point. 'They're not as tasty, but deer are plentiful,' she stated gently. 'All right,' I answered.

"I was proud that I had gone nearly a full day without needing to hunt. Carlisle had reassured me that my appetite would wane as the time went by and that they usually only needed to hunt once every two to three weeks. I didn't really mind it, but I was already tired of my babysitters having to follow me around and watch me eat. They were polite enough about it, but still it sucked.

"I had been told that the bodyguard parade was not for me per say, but to protect the human population from me. They warned me that the scent of a human was particularly difficult to resist and that humans smelled very tasty, but none of that prepared me for the first time I caught a whiff. I was off like a shot. Edward got his arms around me a couple of times, but each time I shook him off without slowing much. Once Edward and Carlisle were on me trying to slow me down, little good it did them. I heard Carlisle yell for Rosalie, but she never did catch us.

"The taste was better than the bear a thousand fold. I knew they would be coming, so I drank it fast, mad at them for keeping the best thing ever created from me. When it was empty I felt someone behind me. But instead of Carlisle or even Edward, it was Rosalie. She just looked so sad and disappointed. I turned back and looked at the corpse at my feet and found a little old grandmother.

"The guilt and the shame ate at me while I followed behind Rosalie watching her place the corpse inside the house in a rocking chair and burn the house down. When she came back to me, she simply said, 'Come on,' and walked on. I followed her defeated. Even though it had been delicious, it wasn't worth having to watch Rosalie, my beautiful angel, stage a grandmother's death. I wish that I could say that was my one and only, but it wasn't.

"More people that I'm willing to admit have died at my hands. It took longer than my newborn years to finally find the control that Rosalie has. It's been decades now, so occasionally it's hard to remember how many times they moved because of me, or covered up someone's death, or just sat with me as I grieved my mistake. I remember one time being so frustrated. It seemed to come so much easier to them than me. I wouldn't wish this life on anyone, but I was a goner anyway, and I got Rosalie, so I figure I got a good deal. My greatest regret, though, is that it took so many deaths before I was able to gain the self-control I have now."

By this time Bella had tears streaming down her cheeks. "Thank you for telling me, Emmett," she said quietly, once she had calmed. "I'm glad you got Rosalie too. She sure is the prettiest creature I've ever seen."

His smile was a million watt. "Yup, I sure am lucky," he agreed easily wrapping his arm around Rosalie.

After a few questions, just like after the other stories, Bella seemed to withdraw into herself. She went back to her homework and then left for Charlie's.

"Did I upset her?" Emmett asked me once she was gone.

"Whether you did or not, it is what we promised. She asked for it. But in answer to your question, no I don't think you upset her. She responded nearly the same with each story. It's like it takes her time and solitude to digest what our words are saying. We can only hope that she'll be all right," I told him.

"Yeah, suppose that's true," he agreed his tone subdued. Then he lumbered off to find Rosalie, but I suspected that he was worried that his story would cause Bella to change her mind about him or being a Cullen.

Later that night we were all standing in the forest south of Beaver, Bella and Charlie safely in La Push, waiting for Alice's or Jasper's signal that Victoria was on her way. Practice seemed uncomfortable, but far better than this. Even though it didn't seem like the appropriate timing, I kept thinking back to Emmett's transformation story. Out of the four of us, he took to being transformed into something entirely different without pause, throwing himself into his new life, loving Rosalie completely without reservation, and being a good brother to Edward. On the other hand, Edward and Rosalie struggled with becoming a vampire the most, which might also have played a huge role in them having such great bloodlust control.

Perhaps their responses had something to do with them being unaware that death was upon them, their social class, or their expectation of their life before their death, maybe it was their stubborn personalities, maybe it was how they came into this life. I could not say. Even after being on the earth for more than one-hundred years, there were things that I simply did not understand, while at the same time there are things that I did not doubt.

Without question I could say that none of the kids would hesitate to end Victoria, where I was nervous. Despite Jasper's encouragement, I still was reluctant to fight. At the same time, I didn't want to be the weak link, and for a moment I wished I could be a little more like Emmett and embrace all aspects of this life, or like Rosalie willing to do anything to keep the family whole. Trepidation filled me as the moments passed. I clenched Carlisle's hand, and he responded in kind.

I worked at calming myself by listening to the night creatures, the sound of the owl's cry, the bats nearby, the small night insects that they consumed, the occasional movement of deer, most of which were to our northwest. The rain was a misty fog that slowly made it way from the heavens, almost too light to fall. Under the canopy of the trees it just sat in the atmosphere and clung to everything it touched. It wasn't as good as a strong downpour for washing away our scents, but it would weaken them.

The moon was hidden behind the clouds and there was barely a breeze, both of which worked in our favour. More than anything we needed the wind to cooperate with us tonight. Jasper could account for nearly everything but the wind.

I knew, as much as everyone else, that things would severely tilt in Victoria's favour if we didn't catch her tonight. The pressure wasn't helping my nerves. Suddenly, Alice was very still, no doubt spending her entire focus on Victoria. We had to wait till Victoria passed a landmark that would let Alice to know where she was. Suddenly before I conceived myself as even beginning to be prepared for what lay before us, I saw Alice's hand slightly move and then she leaned into Jasper. Jasper gave the signal and we were off. Alice and Jasper were on my left already beginning to run south. Carlisle was to my right, and then Rosalie and Emmett were to his right.

We were all to run south, but Emmett would begin to cut off the west, going past route 101. Rosalie would move west but stay east of route 101. Carlisle was to head nearly directly south. I was to head south and then come west. Jasper and Alice would loop further south before heading west creating the U Jasper had imagined. There were miles to cover and only six of us. We were counting on Victoria's gift to encourage her in the direction we wanted her to go.

It hadn't taken long after we had each begun running our route that I could not detect any of my family members. Over ten miles had passed under my feet, theoretically meaning that we had nearly surrounded Forks, when a sound sliced through the air indicating that one of us had made contact with Victoria. The latest strategy that had been decided required me to continue on my trajectory, despite the sound, although it did cause me to slow down. It was a good thing our family had been practicing faith and trust because this plan required a bucket load of both. It was after I had passed Forks that I could hear the movement of fabric. The gait told me it was Carlisle. We must have been within a mile of one another.

Carlisle and I came upon a wolf, but no Victoria.

"Do you have her?" he asked the wolf.

The wolf shook his head.

We would wait. They were the ones that could communicate without cell phones. I was in the midst of my calming techniques that I had been doing earlier when the wolf sprinted away. Carlisle went with him and I travelled behind. The wolf's face tilted upwards. Carlisle decided that meant we should climb trees, so he did and I followed. Within a few minutes I could see Victoria's red hair.

With Bella's face in mind I jumped, moving faster than I ever had before, needing to protect my family. Suddenly Victoria changed direction and headed west. We had to stop her from reaching the ocean. Once I was to her right, moving with her, she changed direction again. Rosalie came into view and kept her from going too far east. Victoria turned north this time, but in a north-westerly direction. As fast as possible, I travelled north to stop her making it too far west. We'd travelled a few miles with three wolves on the ground when Emmett appeared.

Immediately, Victoria changed direction again and headed southeast. Emmett stayed to the north side, Rosalie to the east, and I to the west. Carlisle was south of me, but slightly more east closing her off. She was heading south-southeast at the moment, not quite where we had planned, but not terribly far off either. We'd travelled a good ten miles south of the Calawah River when she abruptly went higher into the trees.

Minutes later, I saw Japer closing in on Rosalie's side with a wolf on the ground. Us Cullens had taken higher into the trees following Victoria. She took a gigantic leap between Rosalie and Jasper. Both of them jumped at her. Jasper changed trajectory mid jump in order to avoid Rosalie, who had actually jumped wide. Victoria's slight movements, which would have otherwise caused her to avoid Jasper by centimeters, brought her closer to Rosalie. Rosalie caught hold of her waist and together they fell towards the earth. I didn't want to imagine what the waiting jaws of the wolves would do to Rosalie.

I moved down and closer to Rosalie instinctively moving to protect her if needed. Victoria must have wriggled free because I saw her clamber up a tree, while Rosalie tried to use her fingernails to stop her decent. There were deep gouges in the tree where Rosalie had travelled, but at least she hadn't gotten close enough to the wolves to be in danger. Jasper shadowed Victoria, while Emmett, Carlisle, and I herded her. She climbed up the tree again. This time I only went up enough to keep an eye on her. Rosalie was close on her heels following her up the tree.

Victoria made another large leap this time between Jasper and Carlisle. Rosalie leaped behind her, Carlisle moved more south to cut her off from escape, and Jasper moved closer to Carlisle to block her. Rosalie caught hold of her leg, but Victoria's speed meant that Rosalie was left holding a pant leg. Victoria moved in the trees between Jasper and Emmett.

I could hear Alice coming near. I was grateful to have her join us. Six was better than five. Victoria moved towards Emmett. Emmett lunged for her, but missed. Rosalie scrambled to fill the hole made by Emmett. Jasper was quickly gaining ground to close out her escape. Fortunately, Emmett hadn't fallen down too much and was coming back up the trees rapidly.

The circle around Victoria was certainly tightening. Jasper had warned us that as we constricted her movements and cut off her means of escape, she was likely to do something risky and unexpected. That was what I was looking and waiting for. In mere seconds, she would be out-manned six to one with five wolves. But Jasper's warning rang in my ears too strongly for me to feel confident in any way.

With Alice's approach Jasper moved towards Carlisle, and Alice filled in between Jasper and Rosalie. We were now in an oval with Emmett and Jasper our northern and southern points, Rosalie and Alice on the east side, and Carlisle and I on the west side. I watched as she flittered in different directions attempting to find her escape. As she went up the trees we went up. As she moved in any direction we moved with her keeping her contained on all sides.

She took a flying leap to a nearby tree, but landed forty feet from the ground. She was just out of reach from the wolves, but not by much. We came down the trees a little, keeping our oval. Without warning she landed on one of the wolf's back and broke its front right leg. The wolf yelped in pain; this momentarily stunned the rest of the pack. She jumped from back to back of the wolves until they recovered.

By then she had gone back up a tree, but was past Rosalie and Alice. We all moved quickly to surround her again. Rosalie took another leap at her. This time she caught Victoria's arm. After some wrestling and the sound of a limb beginning to be torn off, Rosalie ended up with a left sleeve looking frustrated but unharmed. Unfortunately, their tussle didn't seem to slow Victoria down enough to allow any of us to get to her. Rosalie was right back on the chase with Alice and Jasper in front.

We all ran in the direction Victoria had headed, attempting to surround her again before she got in the Bogachiel River. Within a few miles Rosalie and Alice, not far behind, had nearly surpassed her. Jasper was a little ahead of Victoria but more southern. Rosalie got close enough to lunge at Victoria again. This time Victoria stopped on a dime, turned, and landed a kick right in the centre of Rosalie's chest. Rosalie plummeted to the earth. I told myself over and over that Rosalie wouldn't be hurt from this as I kept my focus on Victoria.

This pause on Victoria's part allowed Alice to get ahead of her. She moved northern and Jasper shadowed effectively closing the gap left by Rosalie and surrounding Victoria once again. Rosalie let out a groan and then an expletive I would have never imagined passing through her lips. At least I knew she was all right. I could hear her already climbing the trees. The wolves hadn't been able to keep up, but were closing in.

Victoria would briefly go in a direction only to change her mind quickly after. She looked like a star shooting out in different directions. Maybe she was testing for the weakest spot with her gift. Rosalie came up between Emmett and I, so Emmett moved more east and south to allow a closer formation. She went up the trees again. I moved up a small amount, but not too much. The wolves were almost below us.

She dropped from the top of the tree down, catching herself at the fifty feet to the ground mark. Doing so had also moved her eastward. She climbed up again and dropped down again. Each time she dropped it caused a plethora of movement and sounds from the wolves. I repeated to myself that they were our allies and would not hurt us. Nonetheless, their sounds were unnerving me, which might have been her purpose. She repeated this pattern at least a dozen more times.

Jasper seemed almost unwilling to travel further east and Emmett matched Jasper. This meant that our oval was getting smaller. She went up high again, except this time instead of dropping down she flew between Jasper and Carlisle using a tree as a springboard and jumped away. Victoria had obviously made a decision to do so, because I saw Alice move to where Victoria was going, but Victoria was faster. Jasper was mere centimetres behind Victoria catching his fingers on some lose fabric tearing it from her. Next, there was a tremendous splash.

Jasper and, right after him, Carlisle leapt into the ravine, followed by Alice and Rosalie, then Emmett and I. We all sunk to the bottom of the river and tried to find Victoria's red hair.

About 200 yards downstream to the north bank I saw Victoria. I made a sound to get the family's attention, pointed, and then swam in her direction. The current assisted me. I was closing in, only 100 yards away when I could see her no more.

I went up breaking the surface of the water. She wasn't there, but I saw Emmett and Rosalie on the north shore already where she had last been and Alice running on the south shore with the wolves above her running along the river. I sank down again and went to where I had last seen her. The rock formation must have given her a good hiding spot. Jasper came up beside me, and I pointed to where she had disappeared. Carlisle was already further down river searching.

After long minutes of not being able to find her we surfaced.

"What do you think Jasper?" Emmett asked.

"Well she didn't just up and disappear," Jasper replied. "Unless she got past us downstream, the only possibility is that she's under a boulder." He took a moment. "Wolves howl if she surfaces, spread out, please. Rosalie and Alice stay near each bank, but in the water, the rest of us need to lift boulders and search."

There were a lot of boulders. It was like she had chosen the spot where they were most concentrated. I had to give it to her; it was a smart move. It slowed us down. After a little over five minutes had passed, I saw Carlisle get our attention. Going over, sure enough, there was a tunnel. I signalled that I would surface to tell the others. Carlisle nodded before disappearing into the hole.

Once I conveyed what Carlisle had found, I sank back down and followed. It was a tight fit, but eventually it led into the surface on the south shore a few miles downstream. I assume that Carlisle had already yelled the location, as he was no longer there. I followed his scent, which underneath had Victoria's. I could also pick up Emmett's and Jasper's scents. Following them I ended up standing on the shore seeing the lights Seattle in the distance.

The boys were already on the other side. It looked like they were trying to pick up her trail, but she could have stayed in the water and swam anywhere. I ran upstream to see if I could find any indication of her. There were none. I went back to find Alice. Perhaps she would have seen something. Before I could reach her, there was a guttural roar, which I assumed came from Emmett.

Alice was stilled searching. Jasper and Carlisle were huddled together talking strategy adjusting for being near humans. Emmett and Rosalie were wrapped around each other, Emmett checking that Rosalie was unharmed. There were still a few hours before the sun would rise. I went and sat next to Alice.

"She's not making any decisions," Alice whispered desperation coating her words.

"She's a very instinctual creature, Alice. That's not your fault," I whispered back.

"I let her get away," Alice moaned in our quick murmur.

I wrapped around her side. "No, you did your best. We all did. She bested us all."

It was a sobering thought.

Alice stilled. "She's on shore. The water is to her back. There is land visible behind her on her left. There are railroad tracks and cars parked. There's a woman standing outside a brown building facing the water smoking. She's seconds away from drinking from the woman. Then she'll strip off the woman's clothes." After a few second's pause Alice spoke again, "She'll put the clothes near the shore, carrying the body into the water and placing it under a boulder. She'll change into the new clothes and walk east."

"I might know where that is," Jasper stated.

Good thing Jasper had spent hours upon hours studying maps. His ability to know that he might need this information in advance was impressive. Suddenly I was awed at the realization of how lucky we were to have him and Alice. He started running inland. Alice and I crossed the river together and followed their scents. We got there in time to see Jasper coming out of the water on the other side. Alice surveyed the area and gave a thumb's up. Jasper nodded and started trying to find where Victoria could have gone. By the time Alice and I had crossed the expanse of water, they were already on the trail.

Here we had to be careful though to run at a fast human pace. Just as the sun rose behind the clouds, we came across a lake and the scent was lost.

"She was hurt, I believe," Carlisle stated. "She'll be wanting some place to lay low and heal. She might choose to feed again," he added sadly.

None of us wanted to give up, but we were running out of options. We couldn't very well go running around Seattle all of us in wet river-smelling clothes. Carlisle must have already figured that out.

"Any ideas?" he asked sounding defeated.

"Go to Tiger Mountain State Forest. See if we get anything on Victoria, if not at least lay low until we can return home inconspicuously," suggested Emmett as he looked between Jasper and Carlisle.

No one else said anything.

"Agreed," Carlisle decided.

We entered the lake and kept looking for Victoria. When we reached the south shore, we waited for Alice to indicate that it was clear. We came out of the water and ran at our fast human pace to the state forest. We had just arrived when Alice stilled.

"She is in the neighbourhood where we first found the newborns. She found a homeless man that she will feed from and then will stage the corpse."

"Too many humans between here and there. It's too risky. We wait," Carlisle decided.

Wait we did. We sat in our pairs checking each other for injuries and comforting the other. I needed to be close to Carlisle to take in his scent and to be reassured that he was well. He seemed to have the same need. We sat grooming each other and searching the other with our hands until we were both rest assured that the other had not been hurt.

Carlisle had, over the years, in a teasing tone, suggested that I would not like the life of a nomad. If our time in Tiger Mountain State Forest was anything to go by, then he was correct. It was doable, but certainly not my preference. We stayed deep in the forest away from the hiking trails. As it was Sunday there were a fair number of people enjoying the forest. A few time Alice instructed us to lay flat or climb high into a tree.

For part of the day I thought over Bella's response to Emmett's story. I suspected that like Carlisle's and my story, Bella saw much of herself and Edward in what Emmett had shared. I could see her grow sad when Emmett talked about Rosalie and how grateful he was to get Rosalie from the deal. She had controlled it well and only a few tears had escaped. I knew her heart still ached from Edward's departure, and I believed that nothing could cure that heartache but Edward himself.

With those thoughts came a growing upset at Edward. I had thought he was better than that. Certainly, he would have created a very reasonable and rational explanation where he took on the weight of the world and believed Bella to be better off without him. I didn't want to hear it, though. No rationale, no explanation could wash away his actions and stubborn refusal of Bella or how our family had been impacted.

I pushed those thoughts aside and focused back on Bella during Emmett's story. At the end, she had sat very quietly looking contemplative. We had stayed silent allowing her to think, and had waited. Then her face had changed and she had looked at Carlisle.

"You went back on your word," she had accused him.

"Yes," he had admitted.

"For Rosalie?" she had pressed him.

"Yes," he had agreed.

"Would you have if _he_ would have asked?" she had questioned irritated.

I didn't miss that she had flinched at the word 'he', but at least the reaction was lessening.

Carlisle had thought about that possibility. "Yes, I suppose I would have, but with great reservation and with similar health and age stipulations as I have given you," he had told her earnestly.

"Is that why you agreed?" she had asked after sagging.

"No, actually," he had stated.

"No?" she had asked in disbelief challenging him.

"No," he had repeated stronger this time.

She had looked at him expectantly.

Emmett had looked intrigued and Rosalie had appeared indifferent.

"I said yes because of Esme," he had told her after a few minutes.

"Esme?" Bella had asked confused.

"Yes," he had confirmed. "When she told me her imagined alternative I began to rethink everything I had understood up to that point. I had always struggled with whether it was my right to change each of them. When Rosalie asked me, although I performed the act, her request relinquished some of the burden and consequential guilt. I had sworn not to change another, because I had come to believe that it was not my right.

"But Esme's imagining gave me an alternative possibility–that these things were out of my hand from the beginning, that I was only the instrument of a divine plan. I was meant to become a vampire because, for reason unknown to me, that was the path meant for me. Then too, it was the path meant for them. Who am I to argue? That doesn't mean every creature that crosses my path is meant for this life. Most are meant to perish on this earth and go to that which is after here. It didn't take very much after that for me to see that you seem, from my limited vantage point, to be meant for this path. If it is not my venom, then perhaps it would be some other's.

"Given the choice, I would rather it be mine. I would rather you be here with us, helped by us, guided by us, than any other alternative. Because the truth is that by neither intention nor design, you have become a part of our family. With Edward, Esme, Rosalie and later Emmett I felt a pull towards them as I do you. I will no longer be arrogant enough to deny the message of my heart. Instead, I am choosing to trust that my heart is wise and you are meant to be ours."

Bella had just sat motionless staring at Carlisle. After many long minutes and worried looks given to Carlisle from all three of us she had stirred.

"You truly meant what you said in the kitchen?" she had checked her anxiousness coating her words. She had seemed to be studying him intensely.

"With every fibre of my being. Truly," he had confirmed.

"Okay."

"Okay?" he had asked sounding as confused as I felt.

"Okay," she had repeated even more emphatically. "I'll trust that you have my best interests at heart. Okay, I'll do it your way. Okay, I'll stop fighting you and making things difficult. Okay."

He had smiled broadly as if for the first time she had said yes to him being her mentor and leader. I suppose she had.

She hadn't fought going to La Push. She had been nervous and worried. We had assured her more than once.

"Just come back," she had pleaded.

"We will," was all Carlisle and I had said.

Then she had driven off with determination. She was becoming a Cullen in heart, if not yet in name. She would play her part, as she trusted us to do ours.

But we had failed her. Victoria had simply outsmarted us all. I could tell by Jasper's grim face and Carlisle's thoughtful expression that I wouldn't like our remaining options.

I survived the experience of hiding in the woods for the day, but by the time the humans dissipated and twilight came, I was ready to be home. The problem was heading home meant that Victoria was still on the loose and our family was in even greater danger. Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie discussed options while Alice searched for Victoria. I tried to do as Jasper was doing and think like Victoria, but I had never lived that life. It was difficult for me to wrap my mind around.

It was finally decided that it wouldn't hurt to look at her old haunts. We first went to the cabin where she had met Riley, as it was the most remote of the dwellings we knew about. She hadn't returned there and there was no sign of Riley. We then went to the house that the kids had last seen the newborns dwell, but neither Victoria nor anyone else was there. The newborn's trails were fresh, so they probably had just left to hunt. I shuddered at the thought.

Since we had officially made our presence known, and finding Victoria seemed almost impossible, Carlisle decided to see if we could track down the newborns before moving onto the third and last location. Carlisle wanted to talk and reason with them, naturally. Jasper was right that one of the trails, although certainly a vampire, was repulsive, not as bad as the wolves though. It split from the others, so between its deviation and repulsiveness, we left it alone.

The first newborn that we came across in an alley was wild with bloodlust. Upon our approach he turned defending his meal snarling. Carlisle tried to reason with him, and Jasper used his mojo. Nevertheless, the newborn flung himself at Carlisle who was in front. I automatically reacted to project him, but before I could Jasper had decapitated him and removed his arms. Fortunately, Emmett had caught me and was holding me.

"It's okay, momma bear, calm down," Emmett assured me. "Carlisle's all right. Jasper's better than any newborn in a fight."

Relaxing in Emmett's arms I went up on my tippy toes, and Emmett, knowing what I was after, lent down some, so I could kiss him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Emmett," I told him.

"I'll keep you safe," he promised,

I nodded.

Emmett let me go and patted my shoulder.

Carlisle looked back at Emmett, nodded his gratitude, and then went over to what had been the newborn's meal.

"He's lost some blood, but should be all right," he determined. "Rosalie, change the wounds to knife or glass. Emmett, find a knife or piece of glass. Alice?"

"Yes, that will work. There are no cameras here. There's no exposure, but we can't be here when the ambulance comes. There will be too many questions. We should position him two feet from the alley's entrance on the east side. A man will walk by, see the blood and call it in."

By the time she finished Emmett had glass, and Rosalie had changed the wounds. Jasper put the newborn further down the alley and started a fire, by flint I would guess at this rate. I was beginning to imagine that Jasper could get rid of a body by staring at it. We went down the alley in the opposite direction of the bleeding body.

We retraced our steps until we came across two trails travelling fairly closely together.

"This pair's scents are usually closely associated like this when we've come across them prior," Jasper informed Carlisle and I. "They also have been the best at hiding their kills, so we let them be, but they might suit your purposes, Carlisle." His tone sounded like he was simply stating facts, but there was an undercurrent that I couldn't place. It was akin to unease or disapproval.

I tried to recall a conversation between them when they had not been in agreement. Something about Jasper's explanation made it seem like he was following orders against his better judgement, but that seemed out of place, especially since Carlisle didn't issue orders or behave like a General.

The whole exchange became odder when Carlisle nodded and after a second's hesitation moved to follow their trail. And then Jasper moved after him with a body language of almost defeat or at least reluctant obedience until Alice put her hand on his shoulder. Then Jasper's posture changed to almost a military precision as if whatever had passed between her and Jasper had removed whatever doubt in Carlisle's decision that he had held.

After a few miles, we came across them in an alley. One, a male, was on the rooftop clinging to the side of the building with his toes. The other, a female, was against the wall below him. Surrounding them was the stench of human ordure matter, urine, and blood. I would guess that the body was in the large metal garbage container to the left of the girl. They both looked no older than sixteen.

"They might be mated," Jasper informed us quietly, but they could have heard him.

Both growled at us in warning.

We stopped our movement forward with Emmett coming closer to me, and Jasper moving closer to Carlisle.

"Are you from the coven that Riley leads?" Carlisle asked in his soothing tone he used for meeting new vampires.

"Who's asking?" the male asked gruffly.

"We mean you no harm," Carlisle reassured him.

"You're the golden-eyes," the girl stated softly her words dripping in terror.

"We mean you no harm," reiterated Carlisle softening his voice even more. "Our eyes are golden because we hunt animals," he explained gently. "We just want to talk."

"Well talk, golden-eyes," the male barked, also clearly afraid, while moving to a stance to easily attack us.

Carlisle took a step back and we all took a half-step back. Jasper was on his left with Alice next to him. Emmett was on Carlisle's right, then me, and then Rosalie. We were all in a slight V formation with Jasper coating the area in his faux calm. Whatever everyone else had responded to I missed, but what was clear was that the men were preparing for battle. I had just watched Jasper easily ended one, what about two, especially if they were mated?

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 _A/N: Thank you for reading. I excitingly anticipate hearing what you thought of this chapter, since it's the first action scene I've ever written.  
_


	20. Young Ones

**Throughout this story the events going on in Seattle is my AU adaptation of _The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner_ by SM. This is explicitly referenced in this chapter.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 6 Apr 18)

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 **Chapter 20: Young Ones  
**

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"My name is Carlisle Cullen. This is Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice. We have been defending ourselves against the actions of a vampire hunting in Seattle that seeks to harm our family," Carlisle stated to the two newborns in the tone intended to give information while also soothing the other party. "Her name is Victoria. Her most marked characteristic is her flaming red hair."

None of us Cullens moved a muscle. In all our discussed strategies, I could not recall one that included introducing ourselves to newborns.

In contrast to their intent, his words seemed to cause them both to cower. They moved closer to each other almost reflectively. Jasper's assessment that they might be mated appeared to have validity.

"She and her companion, James," Carlisle continued in the same tone, "hunted one of our own last year and we were forced to defend ourselves. We ended James, and let Victoria go, believing that she meant us no harm. Instead, she came back to the area, and has been making others like yourself in order to defeat us."

The two of him looked at him like he had explained that the world was flat. It wasn't a great buy-in, for sure, since he was asking them to believe us over what they had been told thus far into their second life.

He must have chosen a different tact, because then he said, "We've come to speak to you because us vampires have a ruling coven called the Volturi. When they learn of what Victoria is doing, then they will come to Seattle and destroy all of her creations, her, and possibly our family. We hoped that you would be willing to assist in preventing such an event from happening."

They both looked at us like we had lost our minds.

The girl spoke argumentatively, "Riley says that this territory is yours and that you want to take it from us."

There was no pause in speech like in our family or even with the Denalis. Emmett's story once more flashed before me. It had been a while since I had been around newborns.

"We are afraid that the number of missing persons, deaths, and carelessness of some of your coven members will attract the interest of the media, which in turn will result in the appearance of the Volturi. Our kind has rules. They are the rule enforcers," Carlisle reiterated.

With those words, their body language changed and they appeared slightly curious.

"What are the rules?" the boy asked.

"Mostly they could be summarized as: keep our existence hidden from the humans," Carlisle told them, his tone unchanged.

"Riley said something about that, but nothing about any Volturi," the girl muttered.

"You're certain they exist? They're not just some story made up to keep us in line?" the boy questioned unimpressed.

"I am certain they exist. I lived with them for a couple of decades," Carlisle explained patiently.

"Do animals taste better?" the girl asked curiously.

"No, they don't, although some animals are more flavourful than others," Carlisle said in his doctor tone.

"Then why feed off of them?" she asked confused.

"We wish to live amongst humans. I am a doctor. My children go to school. Our diet and the eye colour it creates help us resist consuming the humans we live among. Thus, we have the freedom to own a home, read, and pursue hobbies. My wife paints and redesigns homes. My daughter works on cars. My son plays the piano and composes. My other daughter designs clothes and other fashion items. We believe it to be a small price to pay for the lifestyle it affords us."

"You got money?" the boy asked challengingly.

"Yes," Carlisle replied easily. "It helps to have a job and live a long time."

The boy nodded appearing to contemplate Carlisle's words.

The girl scrunched her face as if she was being thoughtful. "Your way sounds more peaceful," she noted almost to herself.

"We try to live in peace. We would like to reason with Victoria," Carlisle explained.

"You can't reason with her. Riley's all right, but that red-head is crazy," the boy informed us nonplussed.

"I see," Carlisle replied.

It was curious to see him flustered by their manner of speech and almost non-reaction.

"Were you the ones making the others disappear?" the girl asked hesitancy.

"Yes," Carlisle answered sadly.

"But not us?" she asked in disbelief.

"My son, who is very experienced with our kind, says that you two could be trusted to keep the secret. We truly did not desire to end them, but before we could explain the rules to them, they attacked. We were forced to cover up their behaviours. We are truly only attempting to protect our family."

"So, as long as we don't attack you and follow the rules, you won't harm us?" the boy asked in confirmation.

"Yes, that's right," Carlisle agreed.

The young man appeared disbelieving.

"Thank you," the girl said looking at Carlisle. "The house has been safer since you started in with the disappearances," she explained probably in response to his confusion.

"You're welcome," Carlisle replied, but his voice was slightly uncertain and sad.

I didn't think he knew how to take a young girl thanking him for us killing their coven members.

"Now what?" the boy asked.

After a brief pause and to my surprise, Carlisle told them, "We would like to offer for you to come with us back to our home where you can clean up and get new clothes. You would need to hunt animals with us, as no one is permitted to hunt humans in our territory."

"What's your territory?" the boy asked defensively.

"The Olympic National Forest west all the way to the coast and up north of the park till the water," Carlisle explained patiently.

"Not Seattle?" he asked dubiously.

"No, as we do not hunt humans, we would have no need to claim Seattle," Carlisle elucidated.

Both of them seemed to be less on edge, which was progress of a sort.

The girl looked up to the boy. "I'd like to go," she told him.

"We don't know them," he argued back giving her his full attention.

"I didn't know you," she claimed back at him. "Please."

"I don't know if I can do the animal thing," he admitted to her.

"If you can't and it's too much, then we can run you to the edge of our territory," Carlisle offered. "You would be free to leave anytime. We simply want to give you the chance to try a different way than how you've been taught thus far."

"I see," the boy said gruffly.

"May I enquire upon your names?" Carlisle asked kindly.

The young man looked at Carlisle like the question was better suited to a movie or the ancient past before answering, "Diego."

"I'm Bree Tanner," the girl offered.

"It's nice to meet you Diego and Bree," Carlisle said warmly.

They exchanged another look, hers of longing and pleading. Then his body language changed to defeat, and he turned back to us. "We'll try it. We'll be free to leave anytime?" he questioned in a challenging manner.

"Yes, anytime," Carlisle replied soothingly. Without moving his body in any way, Carlisle uttered, "Jasper?"

"As much as it grieves me, head back," he determined speaking in a crisp tone. "Splitting up is a bad idea and travelling with two newborns is too risky," he added completing his assessment.

"Objections?" Carlisle asked us all keeping his eyes on Bree and Diego.

None of us said anything.

"All right," Carlisle stated, "Esme is with me in front. Emmett on the left, Rosalie on the right, Jasper and Alice are in the back."

We all nodded moving to where we had been directed. Was travelling with newborns what had caused Jasper's reaction to Carlisle calling his name? Whatever was happening, it made me nervous. Then, I felt Jasper send me a cocktail of tranquillity, serenity, familial love, and a mix of things I could not name but felt like a hug. With his assurance, I let go of my doubt and focused on the task at hand.

"Diego, Bree, we're going to head home now," Carlisle explained in his soothing tone. "We'll swim across the water and then run to our house. There are wolves that can destroy vampires that live in our area, so we're going to put you in the midst of us to protect you. If you see a wolf, climb a tree. Any questions?"

"Why you putting Jasper behind us?" Diego asked unable to hide the nervousness in his tone.

"He's the most experienced fighter and we are weakest from something coming from behind," Carlisle answered smoothly and calmly.

Diego simply nodded, but he didn't appear convinced.

"Ready?" Carlisle asked.

Diego jumped down from the ledge. Together they walked over to us. Carlisle went in front and I went with him. We walked down the alley, across the street, down the next alley, and so on at a calm human pace until we neared the waterfront. Carlisle looked around and, as if we were meandering, walked towards the water.

As we all sat by the water waiting for what we were going to do next, Diego sat down on the rocks far enough away that he'd need a strong leap to get to me. Carlisle was standing close to me in a way that allowed him to defend me if he needed to, but his attention was with Alice and getting us all home safely. I wasn't sure how I felt about him bringing home two newborns. Certainly, I agreed that these young ones, both in human years and in their second life, were lost and clearly needed some mothering, not to mention I supported Carlisle's decision. My support of him was not in question. The problem was that already I could feel myself growing attached to them. They were in desperate need of love and care.

The issue I was having was that all of these reactions, which were perfectly normal for me, were in direct conflict with the very fragile young woman that I consider a daughter back in Forks, not to mention that for them she was food. It would be wise to not grow attached to them. Yet, my open heart that loved all strays and children could not help to feel affection and a desire to mother them. These reactions were at war with my need to protect Bella. The struggle was tremendous and I didn't see a way to balance things out.

Diego turned towards me, as if we had been talking all along rather them sitting defensively waiting for an attack, and blurted out, "You sure do act human."

"Doing so helps us blend in you see," I explained as Carlisle stiffened ever so slightly. "The more human you look the less you stand out. And if we look like we are not in a rush, we are less likely to call attention to ourselves. We also don't know where all the street cameras or other recording devices might be. If anyone were to get proof that vampires are real, it can cause a lot of trouble."

"And the rule enforcers come," Diego guessed.

"Precisely," I agreed appreciative of how quickly he was adapting and impressed with how coherent he was, given his age and diet, particularly in light of Jasper's stories of human drinking newborn behaviours.

My answers seemed to calm them some.

Emmett and Rosalie were on Bree and Diego's other side, on guard, but giving them a wide berth, as to not spook them. Alice and Jasper were on the next set of rocks, after Rosalie and Emmett, the furthest from Carlisle and I, while closest to the water's edge. Looking at us all, I so wished that Jasper were nearer to aid calming my nerves, but Alice needed him to help her find the best way for us to safely travel. All these times I had talked to Carlisle about faith, while my anxiousness was demonstrating a lack of it in myself. Certainly, I should trust in our family to keep us safe till we got home, and in Carlisle's decision to bring these two newborns back with us. Even though Jasper had clearly disagreed, I should have faith that it would all turn out well in the end. As we waited, I attempted to increase my faith, calm myself, and store my questions for Jasper until later, as it was not the moment to be asking them.

"Alice is going to tell us when it's best to go," Carlisle warned Diego and Bree. "When she says 'go,' dive as silently as possible into the water and sink midway. Stay near at least one of us so you don't get lost. All right?"

"Yeah, okay," Diego agreed.

"Yeah," Bree copied.

There were still some humans out walking or coming out of bars, so we had to wait a little while more before Alice murmured, "Go."

Together we dove into the water. I stayed near Carlisle and he led us up and around the peninsula. When we got out we walked for a few miles in the formation Carlisle had previously named until Alice said, "Clear."

Then we ran through the forest to Forks. When we were over five miles from our house the stench of wolf was strong.

"Stay here with my children, please," he addressed Diego and Bree.

Jasper looked at Carlisle wearily and with warning, but said nothing.

"We will call if we're in trouble, but I expect none," Carlisle stated probably to assure Jasper and then walked off holding my hand declaring that I was to go with him.

When we arrived there were two wolves lying on our driveway in front of the house with Sam emerging from the forest.

"Was anyone injured?" Carlisle asked.

"Everyone recovered without permanent damage," Sam let him know with ire in his tone.

Carlisle's shoulders relaxed some as he told Sam, "I'm glad to her that." He paused for a few beats before he continued. "We lost her in the river. She dug a tunnel under a boulder and escaped. We traced her to Seattle. Given the hour, we were forced to spend the day there."

"She did not return," Sam reported. "Bella and Charlie are safe. Two wolves are keeping watch outside their home."

"Thank you," Carlisle stated sincerely. He paused for half a minute before he asked, "Could I be so bold as to ask you to keep watch over them for at least the next couple of days, perhaps even a week?"

"You're going back to Seattle?" Sam questioned.

"Not during the week. We have brought back two of the young ones of our kind that Victoria had turned. They were willing to learn to respect our ways," Carlisle explained.

The wolves growled clearly in disagreement of this plan.

"You are responsible for them," Sam pointed out gruffly his anger and disapproval clear.

"Yes, thus we would appreciate it if you would guard Bella and Charlie," Carlisle reiterated. "In this way, we will be able to keep a close eye on them."

Sam looked unhappy but resigned as he asked, "How many are left?"

"Three young ones and Riley, the one helping Victoria."

Some of the tension that Carlisle's news had manifested in Sam's body left with this number count.

Despite no other verbal exchanges, Sam's body shifted as if in acceptance.

Moving on without anything else being said, Carlisle asked Sam, "Shall we meet on Friday or shall I call Billy Black in a week's time?"

"I'll meet you at the regular spot on the border on Friday an hour after dusk," Sam demanded, clearly letting the issue of two human drinking newborns nearby go, but communicating in his tone his intense disapproval and dislike of the situation.

"It is agreed. Thank you for your protection of Bella and Charlie," Carlisle told Sam genuinely. "We greatly appreciate it."

Even though I expected Sam to argue about them protecting humans on neutral territory, as the tribe had in the past, he simply mused, "I really thought you got her a few times."

"As did we," Carlisle replied clearly disappointed.

Sam nodded to us and then walked off. The wolves followed.

"Come on, love," Carlisle urged once they couldn't be seen anymore.

We turned and went back to our children.

"Follow me," Carlisle ordered our two new additions.

We continued our procession. When we came upon the house, they both gasped.

"Please leave your dirty things in the mud room," I requested gently. "The kids can show you were it is. There are large shirts there in which to cover yourself so that you can then use the bathroom to shower. You'll need to take turns," I told them and then added hoping to resolve their confusion, "We try to keep muddy and wet clothes out of the house."

Carlisle squeezed my hand in support.

They both looked at me like the idea of getting clean and having fresh clothes was foreign. My heart broke for them. Whatever their lives had been like before Victoria wasn't looking anything like the lives Edward or Rosalie had, or even Emmett and Jasper. To be so young and not take for granted being clean seemed cruel and inhuman in a way that I couldn't articulate.

Jasper looked over at me with a look of sympathy and warning. A second later, his calmness, with a tinge of motherly love, which I vaguely remembered from my own childhood, wrapped itself around me.

I smiled back at him kindly, and each of my kids, even Rosalie, relaxed, soaking in what he was sending, allowing it, as I did, to soothe some of the tension that the last hours had brought.

Diego and Bree, even though they physically relaxed some, looked at each other with trepidation once Jasper began to pull it back.

"Some vampires have extra gift," Jasper said gruffly. "What you felt was something I can send out. It was a gentle form of tranquillity that comes from years of meditation with a sprinkling of the maternal love that Esme feels for us four."

Their eyes grew large and looked between Carlisle and I and Alice and Jasper.

"Are there other gifts?" Diego managed to ask his trepidation coming through in his voice.

"Many different kinds," Carlisle answered calmly. "That is a conversation for later. For right now, let us get cleaned up. We will all reconvene in the living room." He gave Emmett a long stare. "Please don't be long. We need everyone."

"Sure Pops," Emmett replied sincerely.

Whether he could follow through with that in the moment was another issue, but at least he hadn't objected. He was a good kid and would follow Carlisle anywhere without question. His loyalty and trust was one of his great qualities. I often guessed that he had a great father that he had been close to as a human.

The kids stayed on the back porch, so that Carlisle and I could go first; Bree and Diego staying with them. Once Carlisle and I were upstairs cleaning ourselves off in our on-suite, I heard Alice show them where things went. Diego let Bree shower first, which was sweet of him. No matter their background, it pleased me to see him taking care of her in these small ways. My mind recalled how he had looked out for her in the alley and wondered if he was aware yet of what she meant to him. It sounded like he stayed on the porch. Alice had showed Bree the give-away pile and let Bree pick a few things.

"I'm sure Esme won't mind if we get you some new under garments while you're staying with us," Alice let Bree know. "You just tell her your size and she'll go get them for you tomorrow."

"Is Esme with Carlisle," Bree asked in a tone that suggested she was afraid of being offensive.

"Yes," Alice answered. "They're married."

"The house smells good," Bree said suddenly with longing and desire.

"Oh," Alice answered then firmly added, "You can't drink that here." Her tone softened as she told Bree, "I'll ask Esme to air out the house. We weren't expecting visitors. I apologise if it makes it harder on you."

Next I heard Alice leave the bathroom and the water coming on downstairs.

Carlisle and I had not yet spoken. He had gingerly and carefully examined every inch of me and I of him. We were both clean, but enjoying the warmth of the water. After a few more minutes, I turned the water off and wrapped myself around him laying my head on his chest.

"Are you sure about this Carlisle?" I asked my voice quiet enough that the others wouldn't hear. "I trust you with my life, don't get me wrong, but we have Bella now and …" I trailed off unsure of how to explain my concerns.

His continence shifted into something that was new for him and so I couldn't quite name. "It's a risk, but there's six of us. I didn't like it, but I couldn't disagree with ending the other ones. These on the other hand … The longer they drink human blood the harder it will be on them to stop. If we could give them a better life and put a stop to the thousands of humans they would end up killing … Not to mention that they never attacked us. They seem like good kids and willing to learn.

"Originally I meant to only speak to them and reason with them. I didn't expect them to be so young and … It just seemed like the wrong thing to do to leave them there, especially when they thanked us for killing others in their coven. In Voturra I heard stories of how newborns were treated, passed around as it were, treated like prizes or worse, but I thought those times were gone. To imagine Bree or even Diego ... This is my entire fault, Esme. I underestimated Victoria and her ties with James. Because of me and my choices all these young teenagers were forced to become ruthless serial murderers who we then are being forced to end. I just thought, I just thought," he stuttered.

He gripped onto me firmly pulling me close and taking my scent deeply into his lungs. "I had to do something, Esme, and asking children to … I just couldn't. I'm sorry if I failed you, my love. You're always so gracious and welcoming, and I figured as long as we kept an eye on them, Bella would be safe. Do you think I erred again? Did I make the wrong choice?"

"I don't think following your heart is the wrong choice," I consoled him. "I just am concerned. Based on your explanation, your choice was primarily a result of your guilt and your need to redeem your actions in some way, rather than what was right for them or for us. Doesn't the Bible teach that only Christ can redeem sins?" I asked pausing to allow my words to penetrate. After a moment I continued, "I'm just worried for your own sake, Carlisle. The family will be fine. I love you just the same and trust your judgement. Not to mention that your choice came from a place of kindness and compassion wishing to offer these young ones a different lifestyle than they learned.

"But, Carlisle, you are not God. By your own beliefs, you cannot redeem yourself and making a choice, no matter how noble, for the wrong reasons could lead to unseen consequences. I know my story altered you, and you are just beginning to adjust to this new way of seeing the world. You are bound to make mistakes. Trust us, trust me, trust Jasper, trust Alice, even trust Rosalie and Emmett to keep you in the straight and narrow. You can rely on us some; we don't always have to only rely on you."

"What kind of leader would I be, Esme, if I had them leading me?" he huffed irritated in a way that was unusual for him.

"I am suggesting no such thing, Dr. Cullen," I said harshly. "I am suggesting you listen to us all and then make a decision like you usually do. Today you acted unilaterally inviting these two to come home without anyone else's input, presuming that we were all on the same page. That," I emphasised, "is what worries me."

His shoulders dropped and he sighed heavily. "You're right, my love, and I'm sorry."

"What is done is done. No use crying over spilled milk, although you might owe the kids an apology. Whether we agree or not, we will help them out and hope the good you wished for them will come to pass. We are Cullens. Just, please, for all our sakes, keep this in mind for the future. We are on a razor's edge."

"I will try," he promised me while wrapping me in his arm and then putting shampoo into my hair.

When Bree turned the water off, I muttered into his chest, "Bella will be worried."

"Call her in the morning; it's too late," Carlisle said in hushed soothing tones.

"I need to air out the house," I told him worried that Bella's scent would drive them to desire her. She often created the strangest reactions in our kind.

"One minute more," he nearly begged. "Perhaps Rosalie will do it," he hedged.

We listened. No, neither Emmett nor Rosalie would be doing that at the moment.

"Teenagers," he grumbled lightly and with a teasing tone into my hair.

"Well, that's what you get, love, when you turn them so young," I chuckled.

"There is that," he agreed. "I don't want to let you go, Miss Platt."

"Neither do I, but it would be rude to leave Jasper and Alice alone with them."

"Yes, I suppose it would," he agreed grudgingly.

With great reluctance I left his arms, got dressed, opened up the windows in the second floor hallway, made sure Bella's room was secured, went downstairs and opened all the windows downstairs. Wolf odour entered our home covering up anything else that might have been there.

Coming downstairs, I found Bree stood in the furthest corner from the front door with her back against a wall.

"Alice?" I asked.

Diego went into the mudroom with Jasper.

"Yes?" Alice answered clearly hiding her gift from our visitors, since she would have already known my decision.

"Would you take that armchair upstairs, please?" I asked while I handed her the key to Bella's room.

"Certainly. After Jasper's done I'm going to my room to shower," she let me know.

"All right dear. Thank you."

She took the key. "No problem."

Shortly after she took the chair with her upstairs, I could hear her unlocking Bella's door, and then securing it once more.

"Please, come, make yourself comfortable," I offered Bree as I settled into the couch furthest from her.

Reluctantly keeping a close eye on me, as if I was about to attack her, she chose the position in the sofa closest to the corner.

Diego could be heard leaving the mudroom and entering the bathroom.

Jasper went upstairs to join Alice.

Carlisle came downstairs and sat next to me.

"Alice said you were married," Bree blurted out.

"Yes, that's right," I confirmed.

"Are Rosalie and Emmett a couple?" she asked while her eyes roamed towards the ceiling.

"Yes," I confirmed reassuringly. "They are also married."

"Alice and Jasper?" she pressed.

"Yes," I confirmed sweetly. "Are you and Diego a couple?" I asked gently.

"We're friends. He was the only friend I had in that place," Bree explained, but looked as if she wasn't sure of her own words.

"Jasper has a good friend who made a friend from their coven and they are together now. That pair left their original coven and then Jasper joined ours. Who knows what the future holds," I told her.

She seemed to think seriously about that. Her eyes roamed the room.

"Are you in need of anything?" I asked genuinely hoping to ease her tension and help her feel more comfortable in our home.

"Alice mentioned underwear," she stammered. Then, she looked at Carlisle nervously.

"Certainly." I got up retrieving a pencil and a piece of paper knowing that her writing it down would make that information private, while also giving her an activity that only humans needed to do to convey information to one another for memory purposes, and an opportunity to practice controlling her strength. "Write down your sizes and I'll collect a few items for you tomorrow," I instructed her softly handing her the instruments.

She looked up at me with a combined expression of disbelief and fear. As soon as she tried to write the pencil broke. I took it from here and handed her another.

"It's hard to adjust to the strength. Try it with less force," I encouraged her. This time she wrote a couple of strokes before she broke that one.

"Here, try again," I encouraged her once more handing her a new pencil.

She wrote even longer this time before it broke.

"You're getting the hang of it," I praised her with a smile on my face thinking back to when Emmett was in his first year and everything he broke. He would have never mastered a pencil so quickly. "Try once more," I gently persuaded her while handing her the new pencil.

"You sure are like a mom," Bree stated forthright with the irritated fed-up tone the young have for their parents.

Her tone and statement endeared me a bit more to her. She sounded in such desperate need of mothering. The reality that she said that I sounded like 'a mom' rather than 'my mom' was not lost at me. She looked no older than fourteen, way too young to not make comparisons with her own mother. Despite my conjectures, I said nothing about them, stating instead, "Yes, I've been told that a time or two," hoping to make her more at ease.

Carlisle chuckled his eyes watching me carefully.

She finished her writing triumphantly and handed both her barely cracked pencil and the paper back to me.

Discretely I read what she had wrote, tore off the page, and put the remaining pencils I had grabbed away.

"Are you thirsty, dear?" I asked when I came back.

"No, I had just finished drinking when you arrived. Thank you."

At least it could be said that she had been taught good manners. Smiling at her, I thought about how this small thing had come through her burning.

"Your welcome. Let us know when you begin to become uncomfortable," I instructed her. "My children enjoy the hunt, so it might not be as quick as you are accustomed."

"Okay," she replied clearly nervous. Then, she went back to looking around the room.

Settling down next to Carlisle, I allowed his presence to comfort me and tried to watch her serendipitously, as to not make her uncomfortable.

After a few minutes had passed and the silence seemed to be making things worse for her, Carlisle spoke. "Tell us something about yourself Bree."

"There's not much to tell. It's hard to remember before the burning," she admitted. "When I woke up Riley told me I had become a vampire and if I disobeyed the rules, Victoria would destroy me. There were a few others in the group. Diego obviously, and Fred has been good to me, but the others were cruel, so I stayed away from them. Every once in a while they would hurt one another, which made me more afraid." She stopped abruptly closing her eyes and looking like she was trying to make herself smaller.

When she opened her eyes once more, Carlisle told her in his calming tone, "Not keeping your human memories is common, but if you work on remembering them it can get easier, and then what you remember will stay a part of you. If you want it to, of course."

She appeared to take his words very seriously. "I'm not sure I want to remember," she mused. "I think I might have been living on the streets before. The few things I do remember are not pleasant. I think I'd rather forget."

It was terrible to have my suspicions confirmed. To be so young and looking out for herself was a travesty. My mind began to imagine the possibility of making her a Cullen, how long it would take before she could attend school, how her even younger appearance than Edward would force us to move more often, and on and on. Before this imaginary future could take hold of my heart, Bella came to mind. The longer they were here the more complicated things with Bella would become. My head told me that Bella had to be my priority, but a part of me wanted to find a way to make it work.

"We understand. Perhaps a sister or a brother?" Carlisle asked her encouragingly drawing me out of my thoughts.

She scrunched up her nose in an adoring fashion. "A younger sister maybe." She smiled.

"If you want," Carlisle commented non-committedly, but her features said that she was already trying to see if she could remember something about her human family.

"How about your name dear?" I asked softly hoping to find an easier topic.

She turned her face towards me almost in surprise that I had spoken. "Oh, I had my wallet when I woke up. First time I could think straight I checked my pockets. I tore the pockets and wallet, but still, I found a driver's licence that said Bree Tanner with my picture." She frowned as if recalling an unpleasant memory.

I smiled encouragingly hoping that she would speak about whatever had grabbed her attention. This girl's life was beyond my capacity to conjure. As soon as I had woken up, I had remembered my name. I knew who I was, at least in a basic manner. To wake up without any knowledge of self must be horrific. It certainly explained Jasper's description of newborns' erratic behaviour. Next year I wanted to find or start some charity for homeless youth. Bree's reality as a human just seemed inhumane.

Right then Diego came out of the bathroom looking at us as if we had caused Bree pain. For a second his lips spread and he showed his teeth in warning, but then he calmed himself once more.

They smiled at each other.

Diego passed us on alert, but did not attack, and sat on the armrest.

I thought about saying something. How many sofas had my children ruined by sitting there? But he seemed nervous. I could always replace the sofa.

"Can you tell us anything about yourself, Diego?" Carlisle prompted.

He looked at us, and then Bree, and then back up to us as if gauging our words before he answered, "I was living on the street before the red-head found me. I think I come from a big family, older brothers and sisters, as well as younger."

Carlisle and I smiled at him. Personally, I was pleased for him that he remembered so much.

"Was there anything you needed, Diego?" I asked softly hoping to calm him.

"Nah," he answered. "Your pile had everything I needed."

"Glad to hear that," I let him know.

We sat in an awkward silence for a few moments allowing Diego to get his bearings, as he kept looking around in awe, as if his eyes could not absorb what he was seeing.

Carlisle kept his left hand on my back.

I suspected that he still needed assurance that I was unharmed.

"Did you have any questions about us?" Carlisle asked probably sensing their growing discomfort.

"Yeah," Diego answered looking uncomfortable.

"Well, perhaps I should start by telling you my story?" Carlisle offered.

"Yeah, man, that sounds good," Diego agreed sounding relieved.

Carlisle and I smiled. I loved listening to him tell his story to visiting vampires and watching their reactions.

By the time that Carlisle finished his telling, everyone had assembled in the living room. All six of us gave our visitors a lot of room in hopes of helping them feel safer.

After Carlisle stopped speaking, they didn't say anything. They didn't ask questions. They didn't seem upset or surprised. They didn't whistle in disbelief like Peter had, or shaken their heads as if it was a fantastical story rather than Carlisle's life like Charlotte had. They hadn't even replied with, "Well, that's interesting," like Mary had. It was like they simply accepted the world they were being told without objection or curiosity. Perhaps it was due to their younger age of being turned, but I suspected that there was more to it that that. I didn't understand them at all, and if Carlisle's look was anything to go by, their lack of response puzzled him as well.

Rosalie looked the same as she did whenever Carlisle told the story: haughty and irritated. Alice had her eyes closed, since she and Jasper had settled onto the ground near where the piano used to be. Jasper was watching them carefully. Emmett looked bored.

We attempted pleasantries, but that didn't really work well either. One of the strangest things they admitted was that neither of them really knew how long they had been vampires.

"Wow, that sucks," Emmett commented frowning.

Rosalie looked particularly upset, although I doubted they could see anything from her appearance apart from her irritation.

Clearly, Alice hadn't known exactly when she had been changed and such, but that was due to her memory loss.

"If I had to guess, it is probably about six months since Diego was changed and about three months since Bree's burning," Jasper said.

These words seemed to relieve the tension in the room, as both Diego and Bree nodded in agreement.

What kind of life did most newborns wake up to? I had always supposed that it was something like Carlisle's or Jasper's experiences. But, in my ignorance, I had imagined them at least knowing how many days they had been on the earth and how long they had been vampires. There was so much that I took for granted as a Cullen; so much that Carlisle gave us that I never really considered. Their story made me particularly grateful for the lifestyle Carlisle had built for us.

Usually, through the years, Carlisle and I have been able to calm visiting vampires and allow them to feel comfortable and safe. The fact that Diego and Bree did not feel that way burdened and disappointed me.

After much too long of an awkward silence Emmett said jokingly, "As great as that was Pops, are you done now, because I'm sure they'd like to do something other than listen to you drone on?"

"No sports, Emmett," Carlisle chastised him.

He put his hands up defensively. "Of course not, who do you think I am?" he asked incredulously.

Carlisle just looked at him sternly.

"I was thinking video games," Emmett retorted with a huge grin on his face. "Naturally. What a way to trust a guy."

Carlisle shook his head.

"How about it?" Emmett asked turning to Diego and Bree.

"What games to do you have?" Diego asked the slowest I had ever heard him speak.

"Pretty much anything," Emmett answered.

"Sure why not," Diego agreed. Before he got up, he looked back at Bree, as if making sure that she'd be okay with him going the ten feet.

"I'm going to take you down," Emmett threatened in a teasing manner his voice boisterous.

Diego looked at him clearly intimidated trying to decide if he should change his mind.

They didn't even start the game before the controller was broken. By the third one Diego told Emmett, "thank anyway," and went back to sit on the armrest of where Bree had placed herself.

As the sun rose and Rosalie and Alice attempted to engage Bree in conversation, I believed that calling Bella and informing her about the change of plans would be the most challenging part of my day.

"Hello," Charlie greeted me.

"Good morning, Chief Swan. This is Esme Cullen. Is Bella there?" I asked him.

"Good morning, Esme, nice to hear from you. Everything all right over there?" he asked cordially.

"As well as can be expected in my house. We had some distant relatives that died and their adolescent children are staying with us. Given everything, I'm not sure if Alice is going to be able to make it to school, and the girls had plans, so I wanted to let Bella know," I told him adding after a brief pause, "You know how she worries."

"Yes, she does," he agreed easily. "She's finishing up her shower. Can I have her call you when she's done?" he asked.

"Yes, please," I requested.

About fifteen minutes later, the phone rang.

"Is everything okay Esme?" she asked immediately.

"Oh yes, dear. We're all home a bit disappointed, as our weekend did not go to plan. I let you dad know that our distant relatives deaths have resulted in us having _young_ visitors here," I warned her. "Consequently, I'm afraid Alice won't be able to make it to school. I wanted to let you know so that you didn't worry."

"How long will she be out?" she asked shakily.

"We're not sure yet. As soon as we know more, I'll be sure to let you know," I promised. Thinking about how Bella seemed to be struggling with not feeling useful in our family in ways she was accustomed, I thoughtfully worded my request, hoping to ease concerns that this news might bring up within her. "Bella, I have something I need you to do for me this week."

My words seemed to help, as she was calmer when she replied, "Sure, Esme, what is it?"

"I know this might be a struggle, but I'm asking for you to focus on your well-being this week. Pay attention to your surroundings, be extra safe, and call if you see _anything_ note worthy, please," I requested choosing my words carefully as our guests would be able to hear our exchange. "You doing that would ease my mind considerably and allow me to focus on helping our visitors."

Her tone was slightly disappointed, yet strong as she promised, "I will." After a minute's pause she added, "Send Alice to school if you can. I will miss her."

"Of course, dear," I confirmed. "Be strong and brave. You can manage a week without Alice. I'm sure of it."

"It just won't be the same," she told me sadly. "That's all."

"Yes, I know," I agreed. "But it is what it is."

"Okay," she relented disappointed. "I understand."

"Have a great week. Talk to you on Friday," I promised.

"Okay, Friday. Thanks for letting me know, Esme."

"You're welcome."

Getting off the phone, I realized how much better Bella had sounded as a result of giving her a way to help the family, even if it had been simply to take care of herself. Maybe I had committed a disservice to her by taking care of her without giving her a way to contribute. I had wanted to lighten her burden. Nevertheless, it appeared that she was the kind of person that needed to help in order to feel wanted. Her need was in contradiction to how I parented my other kids, and so it seemed inappropriate. However, her response showed me that my theory that giving her a job would help her had been correct. In the end, that's what mattered the most, not my level of comfort. Certainly, these conclusions explained some of her previous behaviours that I had found odd. I would have to keep that in mind for the future.

As Alice had promised Bree, after I called Bella, I set out to Port Angeles and purchased some new under garments for Bree. On the way back, I also picked up from Newton's two heavy duty backpacks. Then, just as I had done when Rosalie and Emmett were newborns, I changed my clothes before returning home dumping what I had purchased into the washer as soon as I walked in the door.

When a private moment arose later that evening with Jasper, I asked him how Diego's and Bree's stories could be true.

"Kept in the dark, only left out at night, plus bloodlust and a sire who doesn't care about you," he told me bluntly.

His truthfulness caused me to feel even more motherly towards them.

He raised an eyebrow at me as if challenging my feelings, but said nothing.

As difficult it had been to hear Bella's disappointment and fear along with my unease of risking my theory on her, it paled in comparison to watching Bree deteriorate. For most of the next few hours, Bree sat still with her back near a wall cowering while Diego sat near her vigilant. As one day passed into night and the next day approached, it seemed like Bree was slipping further from us. Eventually, she came to hiss at the littlest thing, yet she insisted she didn't need to hunt. Without Carlisle's guiding hand, as he had needed to go to work, since we had all been confident that the five of us could handle them, and without Edward's mindreading to aid us, I didn't know how to help her. Even once Carlisle got back from work, none of us had a solution. Diego just sat there getting more a more tense being protective of Bree to an even greater degree.

Eventually it was Jasper that broke the rising tension stating firmly, yet compassionately. "Look. You're scared to leave the house. You're afraid you'll mess up and we'll destroy you. You're concerned that you won't like animal blood. And you are terrified to disappoint us. All of us have been there. We get it. We'll keep you safe and teach you."

He started out the door and probably used his gift on them both, because shortly after his speech Bree calmed some and seemed slightly more confident. Diego went after Bree, following right behind her. Jasper and Alice took the lead running away from the house, while Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and I fanned around the back and sides of them.

Carlisle looked contemplative and, if I was not mistaken, upset with himself.

"First we'll try something easy to catch and is plentiful," Jasper told them while we ran. "I'll warn you, though, it doesn't taste very good."

Even I could smell the deer.

Jasper looked at us Cullens clearly taking the lead on this. "We'll make a circle around the field and let you feed without disturbing you. Take as much as you need. If you can, try not to take the young or does that are pregnant, but that's not very important. Got it?"

They nodded, but said nothing.

"Follow their scents and the sound of the beating hearts," Carlisle encouraged them showing his support of Jasper.

Diego looked at Jasper then Carlisle and quickly after ran off with Bree close behind.

Jasper and Alice ran to cover the field the furthest from our position. Rosalie took my left, Emmett my right, and Carlisle and I were at the part of the field closest to where we had all been.

They were wild savages. They would pounce and bite often ripping the animal to pieces while they sucked, getting very little, it appeared, into their bodies. Then they would repeat. The amount of blood splattered in the small clearing caused my throat to burn. I wanted some, but held myself rigidly in check. We had promised it all to them, for many good reasons. However, my thirst was a war with those reasons, including my desire to mother them. Looking over at Rosalie and Emmett, both their eyes were a shade darker and standing rigidly. I couldn't help but imagine that the carcases in front of us could have been humans.

I didn't want to picture what Jasper might have witnessed from newborns if these were the tame ones. When the whole herd was dead and there was no blood left to be had, they both seemed to awaken from their frenzy. They both crouched defensively, but then after a few seconds straightened themselves up.

Jasper gave Carlisle a look and Carlisle took a step forward. "Better?"

"It still burns," Bree complained.

"Animal blood doesn't end the burn, only lessens it to a manageable level," he explained.

"Oh, well, that sucks," she muttered under her breath.

Diego was looking around a bit confused.

"We waited too long," Jasper told them for our benefit as much as theirs. This was new to us all. "You both should have hunted earlier. It helps."

Diego just nodded.

Neither of them seemed upset at the scene or very remorseful of their behaviour or waste. It was almost as if the scene was blasé to them. I contained a shudder at the thought of what our kind was truly capable of. Thank goodness for the Volturi was all that I could think to calm my horror.

"Now, we bury the remains," Carlisle told them without any indication of chastisement in his tone, while also leaving no room for argument or even questions.

Carlisle stepped into the field along with Emmett and Jasper. They quickly made a hole and began disposing of what was left. Eventually Bree and Diego got the idea and started helping.

When the field had no evidence left but the bloodied grass, I spoke up. "I need to hunt before we return."

Carlisle nodded in acknowledgement.

"We'll go together and each hunt individually," he decided and looked over to Jasper probably checking that he believed this would work for Diego and Bree as well.

Us Cullens all nodded our heads in agreement with Carlisle's suggestion. It was the safest way in case there was the odd hiker.

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 _A/N: Can't wait to hear your thoughts._


	21. It Takes Practise

**The concept of desensitizing exercises is courtesy of Jessica314 here in FF.**

 **The idea of Esme painting to help learn motor control comes from MikiInBlueJeans' story Faith & Love here on FF.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 14 Apr 18)

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 **Chapter 21: It Takes Practise  
**

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We only needed to travel about ten miles south when I caught the scent of a herd of deer on the wind.

Taking down two, I drank the buck first and then the doe. Feeling much better, I buried the remains under a tree.

When I turned back to my family, Bree and Diego looked astonished.

"It takes practise," I explained.

"I bet," Bree muttered.

Fortunately, that herd didn't go far. Rosalie went next taking down two bucks. She didn't like us watching her, so we all turned our backs on her. She returned with her regular haughtiness.

"You did well, Rose," I encouraged her as I wrapped my arm around her side, hoping that she knew I was referring to our attempt to capture Victoria.

"Thanks, Mom. I just wish I had something to show for it," she said bitterly. "You know?" she asked almost pleading for understanding.

"Yes," I agreed. "Yes, I do. Another day perhaps it will manifest. You not attaining what we had hoped for does not diminish in anyway your strength and courage in how you behaved."

Without much pause she replied her voice only carrying to me, "I should have been more patient. Jasper said to use our heads, not our instincts, and to wait for the right moment. Maybe if I had listened to him more, we won't be in our present situation."

"And maybe it would have gone much worse, and we would have learned far less. No one can say, Rose. It's done. Rejoice in what was accomplished, learn from your mistakes, and relish in the positive outcomes that manifested along with the fact that you are standing here unharmed. That, above all else, must account for something," I told her matching her pitch with a slight firmness in my voice.

"Yes, ma'am," she retorted with her eyes downcast in a form of agreeableness that was unlike her. Then, she looked up to me. Her eyes shone with strength and pride, and she smiled in that haughtiness that was her signature look.

"Love you, Rose," I said so quietly I wasn't sure she heard me.

"Love you, Mom," she said back after a long stretch.

While Rosalie and I had been speaking, the family had all been standing within a few yards of one another keeping an eye on Diego and Bree, and Alice had taken down two does.

"I really don't like deer," Emmett grumbled after Alice was done.

"We all make sacrifices in life," I teased him, "this is yours."

He ran a bit and we followed him till he found a larger herd and took down three bucks and a doe. He had snapped their necks so they were paralysed. Doing so kept the blood warm for longer, but I thought it too cruel to the animal, so often my second animal's blood was slightly cooler than the first.

When he was done, Jasper took two bucks and two does. While Jasper had hunted, I had moved towards Emmett.

"How you doing big guy?" I asked quietly enough that only he would hear.

He looked over at Rosalie, then me, and then down. "Testing my strength and using my skills to protect the family feels good, but I didn't like watching Rosalie take the risks she did. It made me think about how she's often giving out to me about me taking risks. If something were to happen to me, she wouldn't do great," he mused.

"No, she probably wouldn't," I agreed.

"I was a risk taker in my human years. Nothing bad every really happened from my fearless attitude and choices. Even the bear turned out good for me in the end," he told me.

He rarely spoke about the past and even less about his human years. Thus, his reference of the past made it seem like he'd been shaken up by our attempts to capture Victoria.

"But I'm a married man now. What I choose affects her and vice versa," he stated with the tone of a new awareness.

"That is very true," I agreed.

"I'm going to try and think first before my next antic. They're fun, but not if they're going to hurt my Rose," he stated emphatically after a few moments had passed.

"That seems wise, Emmett," I told him in support.

He nodded once and then bounded closer to Rosalie squeezing her behind.

I smiled at him. It was their way of communicating silently between each other. And clearly Rosalie got the message, because she looked at him in tenderness before slapping his arm.

I wanted to check in with Jasper and Alice as well, but there wasn't an opportunity before everything was cleaned up and we were heading back to the house.

Carlisle hadn't hunted, which wasn't terribly unexpected, as he could go the longer than any of us.

"What's better than deer?" Diego asked as we travelled back to the house.

"Carnivores," Emmett answered his longing for one clear.

"Can we try that soon?" he asked cautiously.

"How were things for you before?" I asked still unable to imagine how their life had been in Victoria's coven, while Emmett answered, "Sure."

Without acknowledgement of Emmett's response, Diego told us conversationally, "We were let out every night. I usually would have two a night in the beginning. Last month or so, one most nights."

"Um," Bree paused clearly trying to remember, "I'm still at two most nights, but sometimes just one."

That math was astounding.

"How did you maintain high numbers, Jasper?" I asked him considering the stories he had told us and the smaller communities back then.

"Whole towns," was his short and blunt reply.

The answer had been clear before he had said it; nonetheless, it shocked me.

Could this be, in part, why Edward had come back from his years hunting humans fervent in his belief that he was a monster? But as I had told him then, him acting monstrously hadn't turned him a monster. The same was true of Diego and Bree. Their behaviour was horrific, for sure, but it didn't make them any less sweet kids who had so far lived tragically.

Diego and Bree looked confused at our verbal exchange, but said nothing.

We were nearly at the house when Carlisle told Jasper, "We should take them out in the early hours."

"Nah," Diego argued. "I should be good."

"Animal blood doesn't last as long, especially when you're new to the diet. Carlisle can go over three weeks without a feed. The rest of us usually hunt every two weeks or so, but it will take you a while to get there. We'll go in a little over twelve hours," Jasper stated with a military crispness that left no room to argue.

"Alice?" I stated drawing her attention. "Perhaps in the morning you should call Bella and see if you have any homework for your classes that you need to do while you're out?"

"Sure, mom," she replied clearly pleased to be able to talk to Bella.

"Thanks sweetheart," I told her knowing she would understand my double meaning.

Diego and Bree exchanged a look of bafflement and like we were the strangest vampires in the history of the planet. We were probably were, and the events since their arrival, allowed me to be even prouder of our oddities.

Diego and Bree searched through the clothes pile again, and showered once more. As they did, us couples took turns showering, but made sure not to linger. Bree thanked me for her new undergarments, and I burned all their clothes from the hunt.

Alice called Bella a few hours after we got in. They talked about classes, events at school, and Bella's work schedule. At the end of the conversation, Bella sounded more relaxed. It pleased me that I was learning about my newest daughter in these small ways and had been able to assist her.

Carlisle had gotten ready for work after his shower and left for the hospital, giving us no time together.

Emmett solved the in-between hunting and them sitting problem. Guess that boy decided to put his mind to work, since he couldn't put other parts of his anatomy to work, like he clearly wanted.

After he and Rosalie had showered, he had come down and had stood stoically in front on them asking, "What games do you guys know?"

They had looked at each other perplexed and just a little frightened.

"How about gin rummy?" he had offered. "Cards are easily replaceable and it will help you on controlling your strength."

They had said nothing looking at each other like he was going to force them into some voodoo initiation.

He had come back with six decks of cards. Then, he had arranged the furniture, so they didn't have to move from the corner of the living room that they had declared as theirs, while the five of us could still join them.

It took till the eighth deck for them to stop ripping the cards, but they were making progress. Each improvement in their control pleased me. It was wonderful to see them grow more into themselves, and as time passed, they seemed less and less nervous around us.

It hadn't even been twelve hours, since our return, before they were jumpy again.

We went out once more. This time, they managed to get most of the blood into their bodies and the deer were nearly left in one piece. It was progress of a sort.

While they had consumed more deer blood, I had stood near to Alice.

"How are you?" I had asked her quietly.

"Frustrated," she had replied with a great sigh.

"How come?" I had questioned even though I had some guesses.

"My gift just isn't much help," she had explained frustration heavy in her tone.

"With our traipsing through the woods or with our guests?" I had wondered unsure of what she was thinking about.

"Both actually," she had answered. "Instinct is not a decision, so then I'm blind." By the end she had sounded completely defeated.

"So use your other senses," I had encouraged her. "What have you observed? Trust your instincts."

Her mouth had opened up slightly and she had looked at me incredulously.

"Alice," I had started speaking so she would barely hear me, ensuring what I had been about to say would stay between us, "you, out of all of us, might have the most natural of instincts. I know you relied on your gift to guide you when you first woke to this life, but you also awakened entirely vampire with no remnants of your human thoughts and ways of being within you. As a result, of all of us, you have had to work the hardest at mimicking humans. You've adjusted and have done so relatively quickly, because you embraced the lesson. With our guests you have the perfect opportunity to immerse yourself in the here and now and trust your instincts."

"What if I miss something?" she had questioned her voice trembling.

"Has your gift ever failed to warn you of danger when you weren't actively looking or even if you were distracted with other things?" I had asked.

After a few moments of thought she had replied, "No."

"Then trust that," I had instructed.

As we travelled home, Alice seemed less burdened. I noticed that although Bree's eyes looked the same, Diego's had the slightest golden hue.

By the time Carlisle had returned from work, they needed to hunt once more and Carlisle decided he should partake as a precaution. I had to wonder if something had happened at work.

Carlisle had deer and they seemed to watch him intently as he did so. If Jasper hadn't been there, their gazes would have made me more apprehensive.

The next time they managed almost twelve hours. We were able to find Diego a male bear. He agreed that it was better than deer. Afterwards, when he looked over at Bree, he appeared almost apologetic that he hadn't had the mind to let her have some. We promised her the next carnivore we found, but she ended up with more deer.

We were still surrounding them at all times with Jasper and Alice in the back. The next time we went out, since Carlisle was at work, Emmett was in the lead and Rosalie on their left and me on their right. On our way back to the house, Alice must have seen my decision to speak to Jasper because she murmured something to him and then came over to me. She simply nodded her knowing smile prominent, and I went over to where she had come from.

"Thank you Jasper," I told him once we were near enough to one another that I could speak quietly enough for him to hear without the sound travelling beyond him.

"What for?" he asked his face bewildered, matching my pitch.

"For so much, for agreeing to join our family, for all your wisdom that you've given me these past months, but mostly for going to Seattle, protecting our family, bringing home Diego and Bree, even though you disagreed, and now helping them, despite your opinion or any requirement that you do so. You are the finest officer I have ever met, and I am beyond grateful for your presence in our family."

For many miles, as we ran, he said nothing his features appearing as if my words had made him uncomfortable. Finally when he spoke, his tone held incredible gentleness and tenderness that I had never heard him voice, except to Alice. "I don't think anyone has ever thanked me for following orders before."

I suspected that was true, but continued nevertheless. "If I understand what you've told me about your gift, many times you could have compelled our visitors to feed when they were insistent with us that they didn't need to. Instead, you convinced them with words. You keep a close eye on them in order to ensure we're all safe, but you don't hover and make them uncomfortable. I know those years with Maria were difficult, but with our visitors I can see what a great drill sergeant you were and how you would have been equally feared and admired. Maria's foot soldiers might have never understood all that you gave them, and they might have died too young, and you might carry a lot of guilt over having had to end them, but with these two, your talents that have nothing to do with your gift have shined through."

In the corner of my eye he looked bashful, which was just such an unusual look on him. It caused me to wonder if he had ever been praised or acknowledged for the upstanding gentleman he was. Perhaps his accomplishment of being the youngest Major had been his way of trying to prove something, in order to garnish the sense of accomplishment he was searching for. Given how little he remembered of his human life, it was a moot point, but my conjecture helped me feel like I understood him better.

"My tactics are simply the most productive way long-term," he countered.

"That might be true," I conceded. "Nevertheless, it doesn't take much to see that you and my husband have different ideas about how things should be handled. It takes a strong man, Jasper, to submit oneself wholly to the decisions of others, and to act as if you agree, doing your upmost when you actually disagree. Not only that, but if I didn't know you for so long, I would be hard pressed to see your frustration on the matter."

"It doesn't help if the officers are divided amongst themselves," he said as way of an explanation.

"No, it doesn't," I agreed, "but that doesn't make your choices easier or how you're handling yourself less noble."

His jaw set and his whole face clenched. I decided that meant he had enough of my words. Reaching out I put my hand on his shoulder and caught his eyes. "Thank you. I see your sacrifice and I am more grateful than I could ever express."

He nodded stiffly his whole continence stiff and uncomfortable. Gruffly he uttered, "Thank you for speaking to Alice the other day. It did her a lot of good."

Smiling slightly at him I replied, "You're welcome, but I did it because I love her, as I love you, and she needed a mother's care."

He grunted and said no more, so I let him be.

When I got back to Alice she smiled sadly. "Your words were good for him," she told me.

"I'm glad," I murmured quietly back to her. "He's a fine young man, Alice. I've always thought so, but the events since we've returned to Forks has only highlighted the best of him."

She smiled with the glow and warmth that she only did when speaking about Jasper. "He's really the best, it's just been hard for the family to see. He's even more private than Edward, if you would believe it."

"Yes," I said easily. "I've known that for a long time now. You're a lucky woman, Alice," I complimented her.

"He's exactly what I need," was her reply with a dreamy tone that belonged in a romance movie.

"Yes, he is," I agreed easily.

By now we were only a few miles from the house.

"Why don't you take Jasper up to your room and take care of your man and Rosalie, Emmett, and I will keep an eye on Diego and Bree?"

Her face smoothed out just for a second before she answered, "Yes, that would be good."

"Go tell your husband that his commanding officer's wife is issuing him a direct order to take care of his wife for a little bit," I told her playfully.

She looked over at me, smirked, and then bounded off in her little skip that was too sweet and just perfectly Alice.

Right before we got to the house I told them, "Rosalie, Emmett stay down with me this time please."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, but said nothing.

Emmett pouted, but also said nothing.

Diego and Bree looked between them and us unsure of what just happened.

Jasper and Alice didn't reappear until it was almost time for our visitors to hunt again. Alice was practically glowing and Jasper looked more relaxed.

It took the fifth time out, with Diego and Bree having gone more a little over thirteen hours, that Bree had her first bear. She agreed that the blood was more appetising than deer, but she didn't seem overly impressed with the hunting the bear part.

Emmett's insistence on games became the new pattern between hunts, eventually moving out of playing cards into board games and eventually complicated mixes of games as their control of their strength improved. After that, it didn't take long before Emmett challenged Diego to video games again and Bree joined them. The three of them appeared to have a great time. It pleased me to watch them work hard to improve, and like any mother I was proud of them for each of their accomplishments. The images that I had put out of my mind of having a brood of eight entered once more. Nonetheless, I refused to allow these images, no matter how enticing, to take over my heart, as I still hadn't found a good solution were Bella was concerned.

By Thursday night, our eighth time out, they were they able to find a deer scent without our assistance, track the deer, consume the all the blood while keeping the animal in one piece, and bury the remains. They were both proud of themselves. We were proud of the progress they had made. They got to see for themselves that my statement our first time out was true; it was all a matter of practicing.

With each of their accomplishments, my heart clenched a little tighter, warring even more between my mothering reaction to them and my foremost need to protect Bella.

Alice called Bella every afternoon to get her school update. They never once talked about Victoria or our visitors. I suspected the conversations were good for both of them, and, if nothing else, Bella didn't sound overly upset or anxious, which had been my whole point in encouraging the exchanges.

So far through the week, we all stayed in the living room with our visitors, just in case, unless we went to our own bathrooms to shower. I dare say we were getting fed up with each other's company a tad. It didn't help that since Diego and Bree's arrival the couples had little time together, except Carlisle and I having none. This combined with the stress of the situation was grappling us from the inside, demanding assurances and touches from our spouses. Jasper helped ease things whenever he could, as much as he was able, but even his gift had limits I suspected.

When Carlisle came home on Friday we discussed the up and coming meeting with the Quileutes, never once hinting that they were shapeshifters. It was decided that only Carlisle and I should go. The kids would stay with Diego and Bree. In part, I suspected that Carlisle was attempting to keep the truth of the Quileutes a secret from our visitors, for what reason I did not know.

An hour before we needed to leave, Alice and Bella had chatted, since Bella had worked that day. At the end of the conversation Alice handed the phone over to me.

"Afternoon, Bella," I greeted her.

"Hey, Esme. How are the house guests?" she questioned in a cordial tone.

"Doing well, thank you for asking. It looks like they'll be staying longer. Carlisle and I haven't decided whether to keep Alice out of school for next week or not, but I can let you know once we decide, if you would like."

"Sure. How about I call you Monday morning?" she offered.

"That sounds good," I agreed. "Any plans for the weekend?" I asked her curious how she would choose to spend her time.

"I think I'm going to over to Jake's this weekend after work," she let me know with slight hesitation. "I haven't seen him in a few weeks and I miss him."

"How are things with him?" I asked gently trying to show my assurance in her choices through my voice.

"You, know, Jake's Jake."

"No, I don't know," I admitted. "What do you mean?"

"Um, well, Jake wants more than friendship," she said slowly as if admitting a great sin. "Sometimes I feel bad that I'm leading him on, even though I've clearly told him we're just friends."

Pausing to consider what she was trying to say, I told her, "Well, sometimes boys can be thick skulled. Don't be afraid to show a little of that strong Bella who had her friend grovel, that I witnessed once."

She giggled, but then turned serious. "Sometimes Esme, I wonder if I'm foolish for not letting things be more than friends. He really is a good guy."

"I had similar thoughts myself back in the day," I let her know.

"Yeah?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah," I concurred.

"Is it worth waiting, even if they never show?" she questioned her tone melancholy.

What a difficult question! I wasn't sure how to answer, so I went with unabridged honesty, just as I had been encouraging her to do.

"I wish I had waited, mostly because it was unfair to the other person," I told her earnestly unable to keep the sorrow out of my voice. "I had already given my heart away. They deserved better than leftovers." Pausing, I listening intently to her sounds before asking, "Do you understand what I mean by that, Bella?"

She was quiet a long time. "Better than I'd like to admit," she confessed while the sound of tears rolling down her face came through clearly.

"Sometimes life just isn't fair," I consoled her. "I wish I could fix it for you, but I can't. All I can do is love you the way that I know how. Be true to yourself," I advised. "That's the most any of us can hope for."

"Thanks, Esme," she told me through her sniffles.

"Anytime," I stated emphatically. Then I paused briefly before telling her, "By the way, I probably will see Jake later tonight."

"You will?" she asked taken back.

"I'm not sure. But it's possible," I confirmed.

"Well, I can't wait for you to tell me about it Monday morning," she told me with a smile in her tone.

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

"Enjoy your evening, Esme."

It wasn't long after that Carlisle and I headed out to meet up with Sam, arriving at the border a little early.

Carlisle was clearly deep in thought since we had left the house, so I spent the time while we waited reflecting over the last week. To say the least, it had been different than our normal routine. Even though Diego and Bree were much more controlled than those first newborn we had followed, they were nothing like Rosalie or even Emmett had been in their first months. I felt like I had entered alien territory and had no idea what the next week would bring. Good thing we had Jasper was all that I could think as reassurance.

Not long after, we could hear the sound of the Quileutes' paws hitting the ground. They arrived at the border right at the agreed upon time.

"Who are your guests?" Sam greeted us as he cleared the tree line in his human form.

His lack of manners and avoidance, or perhaps ignorance, at protocols made me defensive of our guests. They might be newborns, but they were polite. Bree was very well mannered, and they were respectful, if not a bit skittish.

"Bree Tanner and Diego," Carlisle replied gracefully.

"Are they staying?" Sam asked gruffly in a demanding tone.

"That has yet to be determined," Carlisle replied cordially.

The mother part of me that wanted to correct Sam's manners and to remind him that disrespectful interactions were not helpful in building alliances would not benefit Carlisle's intentions. Instead, clutching his hand in support, I also squeezed my mouth shut.

"Are their eyes red?" Sam pressed with the same rude tone.

"Yes," Carlisle answered kindly. "They are young," he added as an explanation. "Our young's eyes are red for about the first year irrelevant of diet. I promise they have adhered to the treaty."

His words reminded me of how ignorant and young these wolves were, despite their power and capacities. They certainly were not Ephraim's pack. Sam was probably doing the best he could with the hand he had been dealt. I had decades over him. This internal monologue helped me release my irritation from his attitude.

"Well, they're your responsibility," Sam said gruffly.

"Yes, thank you for the reminder, Sam," Carlisle said his tone showing only the slightest amount of ire.

"Any news?" Sam asked after a few moments had passed his tone slightly less cutting.

"No, none on our end," Carlisle let him know, once more returning to the unending diplomat. "Yours?"

"No," Sam said briskly.

"Thank you again for keeping watch over the Swans," Carlisle stated genially.

"Yeah well, Billy would have my hide if something were to happen to them anyway. I'm not really doing it for you," he admitted.

That was good to know. It certainly made Bella safer if they were doing it for their own reasons, than as a favour to us.

"We are appreciative, nonetheless," Carlisle told him graciously.

"We meeting up again next week, then?" Sam confirmed.

"That would be agreeable," Carlisle replied.

"Yeah, but call Billy if something happens," Sam practically ordered us.

"Of course," Carlisle responded kindly, as if Sam's tone had not been offensive.

"Will they come next time?" Sam asked just as he turned to leave.

"Perhaps. We are not yet sure," Carlisle told him tactfully, avoiding answering definitively.

"Fine, see you in a week," Sam huffed, turned completely, and phased.

We stood still watching them leave.

"Well, that could have gone better," Carlisle mused his voice quieter than a whisper.

"Not appreciative of Sam's tone?" I wondered, keeping myself as equally quiet.

"It's fine. He's young and a new leader. I was actually referring to his pressing about Bree and Diego. I understand Sam's desire to meet them, I do, but Jasper made it clear to me the strategic disadvantage of having Bree and Diego meet the Quileutes. As much as I wish to trust and have faith that a meeting would go well, I am inclined to agree with Jasper's concerns," he confessed clearly upset by his words.

Pondering his dilemma, even though he still hadn't shared with me the details of these conversations with Jasper, I finally offered, "Perhaps it is having faith in the wisdom being offered to you though Jasper and in your own judgement. Your endearing belief in the goodness of others is one of your best qualities, but we are each here to help and improve one another. We have to keep the bigger picture in mind. Few are as gracious and embracing of wolves made for our destruction as you are, my dear."

He chuckled. "Yes, I suspect that's true." He lent in and kissed me. "Thank you for your wisdom," he told me as he pulled back.

"How are you doing, Carlisle?" I questioned as the light rain touched us creating a beautiful song in the background.

"Unbalanced and struggling, but getting there," he divulged.

Pulling him towards me, I deepened the kiss he had started, needing to comfort him, but also so appreciative for him being in this place of his own growth. It was hard on him, clearly, but that very struggle meant he was changing.

"Surely, Esme, we should get back," he sputtered clearly shocked by my brazenness.

"I am your wife, and we haven't been together in over a week. You might have the patience of a saint, but I do not," I deadpanned.

He responded by grabbing me tightly, kissing me deeply, and running his hands over my back as if my words had unleashed whatever had been holding him back. When he removed his mouth from mine he uttered softly, "I need you more than ever, love."

"And I you," I replied before we lost ourselves in each other.

Despite our passion and need, we were gentle with one another and our clothes, arriving back home wet and muddy, but decent. We followed my own requirements going to the mudroom, finding something suitable, putting our clothes into the wash, and then heading up to shower.

As we headed out to take Diego and Bree to hunt, I felt much more centred. I had needed the time with Carlisle more than I had realised, and I was glad the opportunity had presented itself. Nevertheless, as much as our physical reconnection had helped, there was much hanging in the air between us.

When we got back from the hunt, Carlisle told them, along with us Cullens, that he was hoping to start them on desensitizing exercises on Sunday and then opened the floor to listen to our thoughts.

I smiled to myself, pleased to see Carlisle, even in the midst of everything, finding his way into being the kind of leader he wanted to be once more.

Jasper was dubious of the idea, pointing out the potential downsides, but didn't openly object. Rosalie and Emmett each offered suggestions of how to do it safely. And Alice put in her two cents worth depending on what she saw.

With everyone's input and Carlisle's final word, we went deep into the park with Carlisle carrying a ziplocked bag enclosed with a few items from his time at work. He had been changing his clothes before he reached home for their sake this whole week, and by the look of it had saved a few shirts rather than washing them. He had Emmett and Jasper hold Diego, while Rosalie and I held Bree. As soon as Carlisle opened the bag, they both tried going for it. They looked bestial again. Carlisle kept walking forward until Diego looked rabid.

Their hunt afterwards didn't look very different from their first one. The gruesome scene was no less disturbing the second time. I had to wonder how Jasper had stomached that amount of carnage year after year, decade after decade, especially with our perfect memories.

Carlisle was pleased with their progress. I wasn't sure if I could see progress, but I trusted Carlisle's assessment.

It was after Tuesday evening's hunt when Carlisle tried again. This time Bree was able to keep herself stiff. Diego struggled more with it, but Carlisle was able to get within ten feet of Bree. By Thursday they both remained stiff and Bree was able to hold a garment. Both hunts afterwards were more controlled. Diego's eyes had strong flecks of gold mixed in with the red. I could tell that he was proud of his eyes. Bree, of course, was too young.

By the end of the week, Diego and Bree had settled into our household. They were going almost eighteen hours between hunts, were playing games without destroying things, unless their emotions intensified, and were beginning to joke with Emmett. Even more exciting, Bree could be found in locations within the living room that were not the corner. Their progress was a group effort, but I couldn't help be proud of them and my family.

The second time I found Bree walking around the living room, I came near her giving a good five feet distance, as she was still startled easily. "I was wondering if you remember having anything you enjoy doing, music or art, reading, knitting, or anything else," I voiced gently.

She scrunched her face up in the adorable way she did when she was trying to go through her human memories.

The more games the kids had played the more she had done that. After a few different card games, she had declared that she had remembered something along with the game called Uno. Each time they played the game, it seemed to bring back her strongest memories, including playing with her younger sister. It was enjoyable to see her become more comfortable with her past as well as her present.

"No," she concluded.

"Want to try any?" I asked.

"Sure," she agreed with a shrug as if it didn't matter.

"Come with me," I encouraged her.

She looked worried.

It was disappointing that she didn't yet trust to be alone with me.

"Hey, Diego," I stated gaining his attention. "I was going to show Bree the craft and music rooms. Care to join us?"

He looked at Bree and said, "Sure," even though his tone suggested that he didn't really want to stop playing whatever racing video game he had going with Emmett.

"We'll be right back," I encouraged him.

He stood, and I took them up to the third floor first, showing them the room with instruments and other random belongings that we hadn't taken with us, since Edward had insisted that he hadn't wanted any of it. The instruments that belonged to the rest of us in the room weren't sentimental and so had been left behind.

They just stared and didn't move out of the doorframe.

Then, I took them to Alice's space that had fabric and designs, yarn and swatches. "This is Alice's space, but if you see anything you'd like to try she'd be happy to show you," I let Bree know.

She nodded but said nothing, looking slightly distraught.

Next, I took her to my office. There my paints and canvas and blueprints could be seen. Before the door was fully opened, Bree spirited over to my first rendering of Bella. She reached her hand out. Before I could say anything to stop her, at the last second, she stopped short of touching it.

"This is …" she whispered reverently.

Diego smiled clearly pleased at her reaction.

Stepping into the room, I told her quietly, "Thank you."

I managed to get about three feet from her before she tensed.

Looking over her shoulder at me, she asked, "Can you teach me?"

Smiling widely, pleased as punch, I told her enthusiastically, "Of course. Let me get two empty canvases and set up the easels."

As I went to do just that, Diego went back downstairs and Bree stayed. Internally I did a happy dance joyful at our progress.

Once everything was set up, I showed her where the paint was, how to mix the colours, the brushes, and all the technical aspects.

"This is what I did when I was your age to help with my control," I told her.

Her eyes got bigger going between the canvas and me.

"I'd recommend drawing something that you love or care about," I let her know. "I love trees, so I often drew them in my early years."

She nodded, looking like she was concentrating, her small tongue coming out between her lips and curling upward.

"I'm going to work on mine. Ask if you have any questions," I instructed.

"Okay," she agreed.

Then she started creating a background that looked like it was in an urban setting.

Saying nothing, I focused on my canvas, making occasional sideways glances to see how she was progressing. Some of her techniques could be improved, but for her first time she was doing a wonderful job. Perhaps she had drawn bits and pieces in her human years.

When she finished, over two day later, of course having to pause to hunt, she looked incredibly proud of herself. It was the first time that I had seen her genuinely smile and be pleased. Next, I showed her how to use charcoal.

Emmett had order a few hand held gaming consoles of some type where Bree could play the video games by herself. Between this and the art, she finally smiled more and begun to appear less afraid. The more that she was happy the more Diego relaxed as well.

Alice continued her daily chats with Bella and doing her homework that Bella told her about. At the first phone call on Monday night, Bella had sounded unusually tense, but had mellowed out as the week had gone on. I wondered if something had happened between her and Jake over the weekend. As long as she was safe and unhurt, everything else could wait.

Carlisle and I went to meet the wolves again on Friday night. During our run there, we held hands and spoke in a murmur to one another.

"You have been lost in thought much of the time when you are at home, Carlisle. What is going on?" I asked him.

After a look that conveyed that he had not been aware of his behaviour, he told me, "I have been thinking about Bella a lot, actually."

"Yeah?" I asked curious.

"Yes, I have been reflecting on the life she might have if someone other than our family were to sire her," he explained sounding a little down.

"Have you drawn any conclusion?" I wondered.

"That I care about her too much to allow her to experience what Bree and Diego have gone through already," he told me with conviction. "If it is true that some humans are meant for this life, and she is drawn to the supernatural, then I want to protect her from the realities of other vampires."

"Your friends would not treat her like Victoria," I pointed out.

"That's true," he conceded, "but I suspect there are far less Garretts and Marys in our world than there are Victorias."

After a moment's reflection I agreed, "That is probably true." There was a second pause between us before I asked, "What are you saying Carlisle?"

"That I am changing, that even though I've always known I was different, I am beginning to wonder if I've perhaps refused to fully accept the reality of many of our kind, despite Aro's stories, Maria being a prime example. I, perhaps ignorantly, believed that us vampires had outgrown such barbaric behaviour, like humans have, and my awakening to that not being the case is causing my heart to have grown to value having Bella become one of ours even more."

"Humans haven't outgrown being barbaric to each other," I corrected gently, "it is that there is more outrage than before when it was found out, where it used to be common place and expected."

"True," he agreed deep in thought.

"Would you think less of me if I admitted to missing Bella to the point that I feel antsy at times for Bree and Diego to master the diet already?" I probed him.

"No," he answered as if the question was ridiculous.

"Then know that I admire the ways you are changing, but more than anything, that you are the kind of man that changes. I think that it's one of your best qualities. Nevertheless, change is hard; especially, the more years we've held an old pattern. I really am proud of you and love you so much."

"What choice do I have?" he asked with a slight bitterness. "My reluctance to end another and pass judgement allowed Victoria to create these young ones."

"No," I correctly firmly, "your desire to see the best option and to live in peace was taken advantage of by her."

"I should have seen that she would have wanted revenge," he retorted.

"Because you're omniscient?" I countered.

He looked at me in shock that I would say such a thing, and then began to smile slightly. By the time he spoke he was frowning. "Certainly not, but perhaps I have wished the world to be better than it is."

"Perhaps," I agreed, "but that wishing has built our family and created a space for vampires to live at peace with humans. Who else can say that?" I challenged.

This time he smiled genuinely. "How do you manage to take my greatest missteps and change them into triumphs?"

"Because your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness," I told him playfully before I became more serious and added, "and so is mine."

"Perhaps it is for us all," he mused.

"Perhaps," I agreed.

As we came towards our meeting spot, I told him, "Learn from your mistakes, grow, change, keep on loving, and continue listening to your heart. We'll get there, together."

"Together," he agreed squeezing my hand in his.

At the end of the meeting, the result was that both sides admitted to having nothing new to discuss. Sam once again tried to pressure Carlisle into bringing Diego and Bree, and Carlisle, once again, seemingly effortlessly, dodged the request, although it was clear that it couldn't be put off indefinitely.

Sunday night the family determined that since Bree and Diego could go over twenty hours between feeds, Alice could go to school on Monday, although she was required to take the same precautions as Carlisle regarding her clothing and bringing human scents into the house. Monday after school, Alice reported that Bella was happy to have Alice back in school and had told Alice that her talk with Jake went "fine". The downside with Alice at school was that I didn't get to hear Bella's voice every day. So, on Tuesday, after school, I called Bella to say hi. Alice had informed me that she wouldn't be working.

"Afternoon, Bella," I greeted her when she picked up.

"Afternoon," she sounded absolutely giddy.

"What's your news, Bella? You sound ecstatic."

"I got into Central Washington University. I just their acceptance letter today," she practically squealed sounding more like Alice than she ever had.

"Congratulations," I offered to her. "You deserve it," I told her sincerely. "Have you decided?"

"Dad said no to Seattle," she told me in a gentle irritation. "I'm also considering Western Washington. I'm still waiting for Washington State University."

"Are you considering out of state schools at all?" I wondered.

"Alice forced me to apply to Dartmouth, but honestly, life is short, I want to be near my Dad while I can," she informed me.

Sounded like good sense to me. Once she was changed that wouldn't be a possibility. It was a mature choice.

"I can appreciate that," I told her trying to infuse my pride in her into my voice. "In fact, I consider that a wise thought."

"Thanks," she told me and by her tone she was blushing.

"Promise you'll tell me as soon as you decide," I requested. "You know that Alice wants to go where you go."

"Yes, Esme, I remember," she teasingly grumbled.

"Good girl. Well, congratulations again! I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks," she repeated, but this time she sounded more sincere.

"So, how'd the talk with Jake go?" I asked.

"Fine," she stated tersely.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked gently.

"Nothing to tell, really," she said, but something was bothering her by her tone.

She didn't seem to want to talk about it further, so I let it go.

"Go call your mother, so she can gush on you too," I teased her.

She groaned. "Yes, I suppose I should."

I smiled. "You're a good daughter, Bella."

"Yes, yes. Enjoy you're evening," she wished me.

"You too," I told her.

When I came downstairs Bree and Diego looked at me funny, but said nothing. Despite them settling in well and becoming almost fixtures of our living room, by the end of the week they were becoming restless. Thursday night they approached Carlisle.

"We're thinking about leaving," Diego explained.

"You are?" Carlisle asked gently clearly surprised.

"Yeah," he said not able to look Carlisle in the eye. "I'd like to go back to Seattle and find Riley. Bree wants to find Fred and tell him what we've learned. Then, we're going to go up to north Canada, stay away from people for a while, perhaps go visit the other golden-eyes you mentioned."

"Seattle sounds too risky," Carlisle warned.

"Yeah, well, we've been doing well with your challenges and, as long as no one bleeds, we should be alright. Riley's always treated me well and Fred helped Bree out, so, you know." He shrugged non-committedly, which didn't match his words.

"If you're caught disobeying the rules, you will condemn us. You can see why I might be hesitant," Carlisle explained gently.

Diego nodded slowly and then explained, "We appreciate all that you've done, and we'll keep to the rules. It's just staying in a house all the time, except to feed, isn't for us."

"I understand," Carlisle replied cordially, but it was clear to me that he was disappointed. "It isn't for most of our kind. How about you stay a week, perhaps even two longer? We'll do some work with blood a bit to help?"

"Alright," Diego agreed reluctantly, while clearly unwilling to go against Carlisle, "but after that we'll head out."

"Let's revisit this conversation at that point," Carlisle consented.

On Monday they practiced with blood. It was almost like the first test with scent. I didn't know how Carlisle had the patience. Thursday they tried again. It went better.

They both seemed more comfortable in our home, but there was also a restlessness within them.

Friday, just like the week before, Carlisle and I met with the wolves. It was brief with neither side having anything to say.

As we travelled home, Carlisle conveyed to me his struggles between wanting to respect Bree's and Diego's autonomy and believing that them returning to Seattle was not in their best interests.

"You cannot control their fate anymore than you could Edward's, Rosalie's, Emmett's, mine, or Bella's," I pointed out.

"I am aware," he replied tersely, then immediately apologised for talking to me in such a way. "I simply do not like the path before us, and I wish I could change it," he admitted.

"Except, you are not God, Carlisle. Faith, hope, and love, remember? You get choices within the options being presented to you. You can't force the world to be better."

"You are right my love," he agreed defeat and resignation in his tone.

His choices, mostly led by his compassion, had led us to this crossroads. Perhaps, like in my imagining, he stood at the crossroads and wished for a third option. Sometimes in life there are only two choices, neither of which are ideal, but those are the cards. How many times had Carlisle been at crossroads like this? Many at work, I'd imagine, but perhaps carrying that skill into his personal life was proving harder than he anticipated.

Sunday Carlisle tried with the blood again. There was more progress, enough that they could probably hold their breath and run in the opposite direction. Nevertheless, Carlisle worked again with them on Tuesday and then Thursday.

I didn't see much progress, but Carlisle seemed settled enough that when we came home he asked if they had reconsidered leaving.

"Tomorrow morning we'll leave," Diego said on behalf of both of them.

"I still think it would be better if you avoided Seattle, if you're set on heading out," Carlisle attempted to impress on them.

"We'll be good," Diego insisted.

There seemed to be little that would sway his mind.

Both Carlisle and I were disappointed for our own reasons to see them leave. Jasper was pensive, but unwilling to force them to stay. He had spoken in hush tones to Diego a few days earlier. Whatever had passed between them didn't seem to change Diego's mind. Rosalie seemed to have no reaction either way. Emmett seemed slightly put out at having them go, as he had enjoyed Diego being around. Alice looked concerned, although I couldn't say what about.

The evening they had decided to leave we spent together. Right before they were to head off, I got them their backpacks, which I had filled with cash and extra set of clothes and other belongings. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"Would you be willing to do us a favour?" Carlisle asked.

"Sure," Diego replied easily with only the slightest amount of suspicion.

"I would request you reconsider avoiding Seattle, but if I can't sway you and you do run into Riley, would you tell him that we want peace? We are willing to come to an amicable agreement on the condition that we are left alone and no more young ones are made."

"Sure," Diego answered sounding confused.

Carlisle handed Diego a piece of paper with Carlisle's number. "So Riley and I can set up a meet," he explained.

Diego nodded.

"Also, we got you both a phone, so that you can keep track of each other if needed," I added. "Of course you're welcome to call us if you're in trouble."

"Thank you, for everything," Diego told us.

"Yes, thank you," Bree reiterated.

"You're welcome. Stay out of trouble," I warned them in my motherly tone.

"Will do," they both agreed.

With nothing else said, they ran towards Seattle in the darkness of night, while us Cullens stood on the porch until they could no longer be seen. A few hours later the sun began to rise, but the house was still subdued. Carlisle and I had spent the time in each other's arms, no words passing between us.

In the morning, Carlisle left for work, Alice left for school with the promise to bring Bella over that evening, the remaining kids worked on some new crazy plan, and I went to paint human children living on the street.

Diego and Bree had become a part of our household, more than guests, but not yet Cullens. My heart hurt from having them leave, their voices no longer carrying through the house, or Bree's simple presence in my art room these last days, while I worked on my own things. They were young, too young to be in this life, and a part of me had wanted to never let them leave, but that wasn't love. Love allowed for choice, and they had chosen not to become Cullens. At the same time, I felt bad. While I missed them and hoped they were well, a part of me was relieved to have them gone. It was harsh and cruel of me, but their departure meant that I got to see Bella again, and I had missed her terribly. Our house did not feel the same without her, and Bree and Diego did not fill her place in our home. The fact that my happiness was a result of their absence filled me with a sense of being a horrible person. More times that I could count, I considered seeking out Jasper, but stopped myself as I didn't want to burden him and thought that I should talk to Carlisle first.


	22. My Heart Is Selective

**The idea that Esme and Carlisle think alike comes from _Faith & Love_ by MikiInBlueJeans here on FF**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 5 May 18)

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 **Chapter 22: My Heart Is Selective  
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Alice had informed me that Bella would come around after work later and stay for a while. The house seemed too quiet without our visitors as I started cooking her dinner. A few seconds later, I could hear her truck turn into our driveway.

Bella came into the house without knocking, put her bags down, greeted the kids, and, presumably seeing that they were occupied, came into the kitchen.

She came around the island and then threw herself at me.

I wrapped her in my arms. Despite the struggle of her proximity, I was so glad to have her near.

"I missed you too, Bella," I told her. "It's good to have you here."

She did not respond in any other way than continuing to cling to me. I was pleased that our relationship had deepened in a way that I had become more to her than Edward's mother, and she could express her sense of missing me in this way. Hopefully, that meant she wanted me in her life as much as I wanted to be in hers.

When she pulled back I asked her, "Would you like to sit with me while I finish this?"

She nodded, eagerly taking a seat.

"I want to let you know of a small change in the house rules, and then I want to hear everything that has been happening with you since we last saw you," I informed her.

She smiled shyly.

"Our visitors left before dawn this morning. If Alice sees them returning, you are to go into your room, lock the door, and stay there till someone comes and gets you," I told her sternly leaving no room for argument. "All right?" I asked softening my tone.

She nodded, but her body responded in fear.

"There's no reason to be afraid," I assured her. "It is simply that they are young. You know from our stories that it is harder when someone is first into this life to have self-control. We don't want to tempt them or risk you. That's all."

After taking a deep breath she told me her voice having only the smallest bit of a quiver, "Okay, Esme."

"That's a good girl," I encouraged her with a smile. "Now tell me all about you."

She got a cunning look, one that reminded me of Edward, before she said, "If you'll tell me more about your visitors."

Putting the sadness at my missing son aside, I smiled at her brazenness, pleased to see her efforts to ask for what she wanted, and easily agreed to her condition, "If you wish."

"I do." She nodded as if punctuating her point.

I waved my hand indicating that she should go first.

"I got into Washington State, University of Washington, Portland State, University of Portland, Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Western Washington University, and Dartmouth," she told me proudly and with a big smile.

Moving at a human pace, I went over to her and gave her a quick hug before returning to the stove.

"Congratulations! I had no doubt," I told her once I had returned to my preparations.

She smiled broadly. "Yeah, my parents are proud."

"As they should be. Any decisions?"

"Well, I narrowed it down by distance. I want to be close enough to Charlie to see him regularly," she explained calmly, clearly having given this a lot of thought. "He doesn't want me to be near Seattle and I'm thinking that Portland, since it's also a big city, might not be the greatest idea for me, since traditional vampires might show up there also. I'll do an Ivy League school maybe next time. Western had the lowest number of sunny days on average at 155, mostly in the summer, but Central is only slightly more at 165. Central has hunting closer, where Western you'd have to travel a bit first." At this last sentence, she frowned.

"The kids can take evening and online classes, Bella," I assured her not wanting this small issue to make a difference in her decision, and then added, "or we can come up with an illness that will allow them even more than the usual sick days off. Don't worry. Like I told you, focus on what's best for you. However, we all appreciate you considering your location's likelihood to attract unwanted attention."

At that she smiled at me. "No, we can't have unwanted attention."

"Certainly not," I agreed. "Which one has majors that more suit your liking?"

"I'm not sure what I want to study yet," she admitted.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out once you get there. You have a big heart and a quick mind," I told her, hoping to bolster her confidence in herself.

"I'd like everyone else to have a say and pick wherever suits what they want to study too," she told me earnestly.

"That's very thoughtful of you," I let her know.

"Well, I'm not going to be the only one attending," she rebutted.

Her voicing her thoughts regarding choosing a school was a huge step for her. Thus, I was unwilling to get into a discussion with her on this point, so let it go. "Western is at least an hour closer to your dad and wouldn't require you driving through a pass, correct?"

"Yes," she agreed blushing.

"Well, then that might influence your father's opinions," I suggested.

"He'll be just glad I'm in college," she said tersely, as if I had said the wrong thing.

I was uncertain what her reaction was all about, but decided to not press her about it. "Have you considered a Cullen scholarship?" I asked gently instead, wanting to know if her opinion on the matter had changed.

Bella cheeks became rouse. "Well, I checked," she muttered. "There are some scholarships for children of cops. Alice helped me fill out the ones that I'm eligible for. The issue is that most of the scholarships only cover tuition, while the schools require their freshman student to live on campus."

"Would you want to live in the dorms?" I inquired.

"If I got a choice, I'd rather not," she informed me slightly hesitatingly watching for my reaction.

Wanting to support her being vocal about her choices, I tel her know, "Often officials are persuaded with funding offers to bend the rules."

"And that funding offer could be in the way of scholarships for other kids of cops?" she questioned her cheeks filling with blood once more and her looking down.

It pleased me that she was not dismissing my offer out right or arguing against it, and instead trying to find a way that allowed it to work for her. If she was serious about becoming a Cullen, using money to bend the rules was one of the many things she'd have to get accustomed to. "If you like," I agreed easily.

She thought about it. "I don't like the idea, generally, but I get it. Will it be too much of a burden?" she inquired appearing embarrassed by her question.

"Bella, we could give them enough to buy their school and it would barely make a dent," I told her point blank.

"Oh," she stated blinking rapidly.

"Carlisle always invested his earnings well, and then with Alice's gift, let us just say that it would take less than a week to recoup the costs are you talking about."

"Oh." She said the word drawn out like she was finally beginning to understand. She sat thoughtfully. "As much as I'd like to say no, I don't want my parents to go into debt, and once I'm a Cullen you would pay off my loans anyway. So, reluctantly I will agree."

I smiled. "You are a wise woman in your young age," I teased.

"More like backed into a corner I can't win," she grumbled under her breath.

"I just want to point out that living off-campus will make it harder to make human friends. Your college experience won't be the same living with us as it would be in the dorms."

"Perhaps not, but I can always change my mind, and I'll be safer with you all, just in case." She paused a moment before she continued, "I really thought about what Carlisle said. Although my first choice would be for …" she took a deep breath as if preparing herself, "… Edward," she breathed out just barely, "to change me, Carlisle is my second choice. Since he's asking me to age some, I don't want to tempt things. Thus, living off campus seems best."

"You could always get an apartment close by," I pointed out.

"But you guys will get a house on the outskirts. It wouldn't really be that close by."

I smiled. "You know us well."

She grinned knowingly.

"We'd have to vote on it officially, as we do get the occasional visitors. Sometimes Jasper's friends come visit or Carlisle's. The kids will probably come up with some options after looking at housing. Getting two places is always a possibility. We've done it before."

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly. "Your turn," she stated, clearly wanting a change of subject.

One day I hoped to learn why money was such a touchy subject for her.

Turning to her fully, I smiled proudly at her. "You're doing this growing up thing well, Bella," I praised her.

She dropped her eyes and her face grew scarlet.

"Our visitors were two homeless youths that Victoria had changed," I told her, letting my praise go, as she was clearly uncomfortable. "Bree was possibly fourteen and about three months into this life. Diego was maybe sixteen and about six months old as a vampire. We came across them in Seattle, and they were both willing to try our diet. Carlisle did some blood desensitising tests that we all went through. They were growing restless and wanted to be on their own."

Bella raised an eyebrow to me. "Really, Esme? That's all you got?"

I smiled at her chastisement. "Well, neither of them had much of their human memories. So, we played games and Bree eventually began to paint between their hunting trips."

"Did they hunt a lot?" she asked nervously.

"Yes," I answered. "The young usually hunt at least once a day. Remember Emmett's story that he hunted every few hours for three days before we were ever able to come home?"

She nodded in the affirmative.

"When they first got here they couldn't last twelve hours, by the time they left, they were close to lasting a day, but part of that is shifting to our diet. Animal blood doesn't last as long, especially for the young or those accustomed to human blood, and they were both."

As I explained, I had watched the blood drain out of Bella's face.

"You all right dear?" I asked concerned.

After a few moments, Bella seemed to collect herself and asked shakily, "Was it difficult to have them here?"

"It was difficult to not be able to see you. Helping our own kind and showing hospitality is something I enjoy doing. It wasn't a burden, although it was restrictive, as we were responsible for them while they were under our care."

"So," Bella drew out thinking, "if a human had gotten hurt by them, the treaty would have been broken?"

"Yes," I agreed. "Which brings us to Jake. How are things with him?"

She looked at me suspiciously, clearly not appreciating the change of topic. "They're okay," she answered sadly after a moment.

"Just okay?" I pressed.

Finishing up the dinner, I put it on a plate for her with a small salad on the side.

"Thanks, Esme."

Sitting down in the chair next to her, as I placed the food before her, I explained, "I enjoy taking care of you in this way."

Her face dropped and the scent of the salty water indicating tears penetrated the space between us before she told me sadly, "When I told him firmly that I just wanted to be friends, he accused me of being a traitor, a leech lover, and then told me that we couldn't be friends. If that wasn't enough, he proceeded to tell me that the treaty would be void if I were to be changed. He said the treaty says bite, not killed."

"Do you think he meant those things?" I asked her avoiding having to discuss the semantics of the treaty.

My hope was that their and our increased cooperation could one day mean adding Bella to the treaty. I had mentioned it to Carlisle once and he merely agreed with my hope.

"No," she told me sadly. "Eventually he apologised, but things aren't the same between us anymore. During our argument, I told him that what I do with my life was none of his business. That's when he sussed out that I plan on being changed. His whole reaction is so irritating, because they have this thing like imprinting, where basically a wolf sees someone and she becomes his whole world instantly. They have no choice over the matter. But he can't understand that I feel pulled to this family. Just like _he_ did, Jake wants me to stay human. God forbid I make my own choices and be happy." By the end she was extremely aggravated.

I simply put my hand on her back rubbing it, saying nothing. Without question I wanted her to become a vampire, but that was because I didn't want to lose her. She would be giving up a lot in joining our world, and I was afraid that some of her verbal insistence of being changed stemmed from her anger, hurt, frustration, or longing, none of which were good places from which to make a decision. This was one reason why I had agreed to having her age. If she chose to become a vampire, I wanted it to be for reasons other than a teenage strop or stubbornness.

"He's such a hypocrite at times," she said angrily with tears forming in her eyes, "and their prejudices are ridiculous, but he's still Jake, you know. We hung out every weekend since then, while you've had your visitors. We just pretend that it didn't happen, but it hangs heavy in the air."

"I hope one day he can accept you for who you are and respect your choices for your life," I told her sincerely.

"Me too, Esme, but Jake or not, I want to be a part of this family. I meant what I said before; this is where I am happiest. On top of that, even though he says he won't, he'll probably imprint one day and have his own family to think about. But even if he didn't, you were right. I care too much about Jake to allow him to have less than he deserves. I might end up being single for a thousand years, but at least I would have given him the chance to find the person he's meant to be with."

I wrapped my arm around her back. Her words were overly dramatic, but typical for a teenager. Hopefully with maturity she'd find the world less black and white. Till then, I chose to encourage her growth. "Those are some tough mature decisions, Miss Isabella Swan. I'm proud of you. You're growing up nicely. I've also noticed that you're looking healthier, despite me not keeping an eye on you." I winked at her.

"Carlisle's words really got through to me, and I tried to do my part," she retorted smiling embarrassed. "I'm still not great about it, but I've been working at taking better care of myself. Eating a healthy breakfast, having lunch at school, drinking water, having salad at dinnertime with the meal. All that good mature stuff." She stuck out her tongue at me.

"I'm glad to hear it. And I am proud of you," I told her squeezing her the slightest amount more. "Another subject. How are your classes? Are you ready for your finals yet?"

She groaned.

Letting that slide, I smiled at her and asked, "Are you spending the night?"

"I'd like to spend the weekend," she admitted. "I have to work tomorrow and Sunday, though."

Beaming at the idea I told her, "Stay as long as you want."

"I'll call my Dad after dinner," she let me know.

"Sounds good."

"Can I forgo the homework tonight and just hang out, if I promise to work on it tomorrow after work?" she asked.

I smiled. "Yes, darling, that sounds very reasonable."

"This mature growing up stuff sucks sometimes," she grunted out.

"Yes, Bella, it really does," I answered solemnly.

Looking into my eyes she appeared old beyond her years. Eventually she went back to eating. "Having two young ones in your house convince you not to have a third?" she teased her voice quiet.

It took me a few seconds to connect the dots.

"Never," I nearly hissed. "Don't ever doubt my want for you or my desire to have you as part of our family. I missed you. If _I_ weren't so mature and willing to admit that waiting a few years is in your best interest, I might go and beg Carlisle to change you right after high school. But this season will pass."

Her cheeks were flaming red. "Okay, Esme, calm down," she teased.

"Esme needs to calm down?" Alice asked as she fluttered in eying me speculatively.

Bella's blush deepened.

"Let's leave Bella to finish eating in peace and then calling her Dad," I told Alice.

Bella looked at me gratefully.

"You weren't checking the future were you Alice?" I asked her in our quick murmur.

"Um," she mumbled looking guilty.

"Alice," I chided.

"Bella would have not finished eating and then gotten sick later tonight," she explained.

I shook my head indulgently. "And now we'll never know what Bella and I could have learned from each other due to that experience."

She groaned. "Fine," she seethed. "I'll try to do better."

"That's my girl," I encouraged her.

"So, what are we looking at?" I asked the four of them as Alice and I came into the dining room.

As soon as we entered, Jasper looked up at me with a look that conveyed that he was practically ordering me to sort my internal world out.

I smiled back at him appreciative of his concern for me.

Jasper did most of the explaining with Emmett and Rosalie adding some details. The good thing about our failure with Victoria was that we had learned a lot about how her gift worked. Jasper was more confident he could exploit its weakness. "Every gift has it Achilles' Heel," he explained.

The cost we had paid for spending a month with Bree and Diego was that the Seattle newspapers had picked up on the disappearances and deaths. Yesterday had been the first day that the news had been broken by the television broadcasters, local ones, but still. A week or more of reports like this and Jasper believed that we'd get a visit from the Volturi. Our only option to avoid their visiting was to go to Seattle and cull Victoria's numbers again.

In addition to strategizing how to trap Victoria, if Riley ever called, they were working on what they might face in Seattle, now that Victoria knew we were back. We were playing a dangerous game. More than once I thought about asking Carlisle to change Bella sooner than later. The only thing stopping me was my awareness that she would be better served in the long run if she could at least get through college human.

In the midst of Bella finishing her dinner, Carlisle came home and joined us. While listening, I sat next to him, leaning into him with his arm over me. After a while, I heard Bella wash her dishes, get on the phone, talk to Charlie, and then come out to join us. Before she crossed into this space each couple separated into a more respectable distance.

"Staying?" I asked Bella.

"Yes," she reported smiling. "I'd almost say Charlie's glad to get rid of me. He's going to go fishing with Billy." She grinned.

"Good. We're glad to have you," I informed her.

Alice got up and dragged her over so that Bella was sitting next to her while Alice stroked her hair.

"Games or a movie?" Alice asked the table.

I looked at her knowing she was up to something.

She winked back.

Anyone who had an opinion opted for a game.

"You want to pick, Rosalie?" Alice asked.

"Sure," Rosalie answered sceptically.

We all moved to the living room where Alice was glued to Bella. We enjoyed playing, but by the last game Bella began falling asleep in her chair.

"Carlisle, I don't like this," I told him once Bella was in bed and the kids had left for Seattle.

"I know love. I don't very much either. What does your heart say?" he asked softly while running his hands along my hair.

"That I can't lose any of them."

"We fought well together against Victoria," he pointed out.

"Rosalie was particularly fierce," I commented as I thought over that night. "You were right, my love, I wouldn't particularly like the life of a nomad," thinking back to my realization on the mountain.

He chuckled humourlessly and then turned grim once more. "You are afraid?"

"More afraid to lose one of us than to lose our home, but yes. I am afraid of the Volturi coming, although I am more appreciative of the role they play in our world than I ever have been. I simply do not want them near Bella."

"I understand your concern, love, but they keep humans in their employment that are aware of the secret, and unless they bring Aro, which is very unlikely, they will not know of the details of Bella's knowledge. And, if for some reason, they were to find out how much she is a part of our lives, we will simply explain that we were waiting for her to grow older. They know me. They will trust me to keep our world secret. Please do not worry."

"We are playing a dangerous game, Carlisle," I told him, appreciating his comfort, but finding little solace in the words.

"Victoria is cunning and dangerous. We need to put a stop to her for Bella's sake, for the humans' lives she is destroying, and for our own survival," he told me his voice hard.

The certainty in which he spoke pleased me, which was in equal measures disturbing. "I don't like it," I admitted sounding weak.

"I know my darling," he soothed me. "You are far too a gentle soul."

"I like the world you created, Carlisle. We are odd and shunned by our own, but I like it. I am afraid that it is crumbling."

"We could always run, go to someplace remote. Live there for a century. Change Bella. I have planned for such a contingency, since before Edward. It is a risk for the kind of life I've chosen. I've always known that. I just wish I could protect you all better."

I kissed him strongly. "Thank you for working so hard to keep me safe. You're doing your best. Let the rest go."

"I would do all that and more, my love."

"What does your heart say?" I asked him.

Carlisle stayed quiet for quite a while.

I just lay in his arms and let him work it out.

Eventually he said, "That as long as we work as a family and trust each other, we will come out whole. Victoria is angry and vengeful, but we fight with love."

"She got away," I pointed out.

"Given her gift, I doubt anyone has ever gotten so close," he said as a means of a rebuttal. "And we did injure her. Either she will retreat or become more enraged. It would seem the latter, which will make her sloppy. It is only a matter of time. I just hate that her choices have cost so many humans their lives. I don't particularly like Jasper's plan of going tonight to decrease their numbers, but not all newborns are Bree and Diego. I know this. It's just disappointing."

"You see the world better than it is."

"And you see the possibilities of what could be," he countered.

I smiled. My thoughts began to circle round to my feeling from today. "Carlisle, I want to tell you something that I'm ashamed of," I told him slowly almost at a human speed.

"I'm listening," he encouraged looking at me in the eyes and assuring me of his love.

"I was relieved to have Bree and Diego leave, even though I miss them and wish they were still here."

"Because of Bella?" he checked.

"Because of Bella," I confirmed.

"You care deeply for her and missed her," he pointed out.

"If she were already changed, then I wouldn't be in conflict," I admitted.

"True, but that wouldn't be what's in Bella's best interest," he pointed out.

"I know that," I stated in an irritated tone.

"I know you do, love," he assured me frowning. "I'm just stating the obvious aloud. You're allowed to miss Bella. You're allowed to want what you see as a solution. You're allowed to be selfish in these ways. Your connection to Bella is stronger and deeper than to Bree and Diego. Remember from your story our family's conclusion that although many might enter our lives, not everyone is meant to hold the same place in our hearts. Some we hold closer and tighter than others. There is no shame in you feeling differently about Bella than Bree and Diego. Your heart wants what your heart wants. There's no shame in that."

"I feel like there is. They are so young, younger than any of ours, and vulnerable, and in desperate need of mothering. My head says that they need me more than Bella. Bella has two living parents and a whole pack of shapeshifters willing to protect her." Sighing heavily, I tried to find the words to explain myself. "They had so little and needed so much. I should have been able to feel as protective of them as Bella, maybe even more so, but I didn't. Each time my heart moved towards wanting to adopt them, I would stop. Sometimes I think my love for Bella stopped me," I confessed.

Carlisle wrapped his arms around me in comfort. After a while, he withdrew and asked me, "Do you feel as possessive of Bree and Diego as you do of Bella?"

After searching my feelings, I admitted, "No, I don't. I feel like Bella is mine and I would guard her with everything I am, just like I would Edward or Rosalie or Emmett or Jasper or Alice or you. Bree and Diego, I felt mothering towards, and bad for their situation, but not possessive, not in the same way, anyway."

"Remember in your story how I felt empathetic for you, how I wanted to make you feel better even though we were strangers?"

"Yes," I agreed unsure of his point.

"I brought you books so you would have something to occupy your time," he mused.

"You did," I agreed.

"Even though I was unaware of it myself, I wanted you. I felt possessive and connected to you. My blunder was that I failed to see my actions for what they were. Those feelings and my actions should have told me that you meant something different to me than any other creature I had met previously. Your feelings told you that about me, and they are telling you that about Bella. Trust them. There is no need to feel ashamed that your heart is selective."

Placing myself back on his chest I considered his words. I did care about Bree and Diego; I liked them. I wanted nothing but the best for them and wished that they would have stayed longer for their own sake. I believed that they needed mothering and a part of me wanted to be the one to give that to them. Yet, Carlisle was right; something was different about Bella. Maybe I would never know what made that difference, but it was there nonetheless.

"Come my love, for weeks now I have not had the joy of your company and undivided attention for a whole evening. I need you," Carlisle told me, looking at me with an expression full of want.

"And I you, my love."

I stood up.

He swept me off my feet and carried me to our bedroom, opened the door, closed it behind us, and gently placed me on our bed.

"Come here, oh husband of mine," I teased.

"As you wish," he uttered before we were lost in our passion.

Saturday morning, when the kids returned from Seattle, they reported that they came across three newborns travelling together that they had ended. Emmett had a healing crack on his wrist, but they were otherwise unharmed.

Bella came back over after finishing work and stayed all day. Her and Alice spent most of the afternoon together studying, and when they took a break, we all gathered in the living room.

"Well, we'd like to update you a bit, if you think you're up for it," Carlisle told her once she was settled.

"Shoot," she agreed even though she looked slightly tense.

"Well, the deaths and missing persons report hit the Seattle news a few days ago. Consequently, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett went out last night and will go out every night in the next week until we can get the number of newborns under control or hopefully teach them the rules and they leave the Seattle area like Bree and Diego did."

"How was last night?" she asked nervously her eyes large.

We all looked at Jasper. He had given Carlisle and I the full report this morning while Bella had worked on her homework in her room.

"We found three. They could not be reasoned with. No sign of Riley or Victoria," he stated at a brisk human pace.

Bella nodded and then asked, "Are we expecting anyone to show up here?"

"No," Carlisle answered. "Our attempt to capture Victoria, when she last came to the area, we hope, will give her pause to show up here again."

Bella nodded again. "So, there's no danger?"

"No more than normal," he answered with a smile.

"You'll tell me if that changes?" she pressed.

"Yes," he assured her.

"Okay. Are you going to give me the details about the chase with Victoria?" she asked uncertainly.

"This is the first chance we have had to tell you," he reminded her. "Do you want to know?"

Bella appeared to ponder this carefully before she replied with, "Yes."

"Emmett? Would you like to set the stage?" Carlisle offered.

Emmett beamed. "So, right? We'll all hanging out minding our business in the forest when Alice gets her vision that Victoria is near …"

Bella seemed to take the story well considering. It probably helped that we were all safe sitting in front of her. She spent the remainder of the afternoon in her room, claiming that she still had lots more studying to do. Then about eight in the evening she left to go to a Quileute bonfire that Jake had invited her to. She returned safely, but said nothing to either Carlisle or I other than goodnight. I propped her bedroom door open some as she slept, to make sure her dreams weren't bad. She spent most of Sunday, before she returned home, doing more homework. I had to wonder if she really had that much work to do, even with finals coming up.

Sunday and Monday the kids reported not being able to find any of Victoria's coven. Tuesday, they found another group. This time there were four travelling together. Emmett came home with some cracks along his sternum, Rosalie said she was fine, but I think she hurt her shoulder, and Jasper had been bitten. Wednesday and Thursday, they found nothing.

Apart from the kids going to Seattle every night, after Alice got out of school and then returning in the wee hours of the morning, the week seemed to pass relatively uneventfully.

The next week, according to Bella, she did not visit due to her studying for finals. My suspicion grew that she was avoiding the family and the reality of what was going on.

Fortunately, she came over Friday and spent the night. Saturday about lunchtime Alice went into her room and interrupted Bella. "You ready to hear the story of my early years?"

Bella could be heard turning her head, presumably to look at Alice. "Of course, Alice. You don't have to though, if you don't want to. I know it was hard with James."

"I want to," Alice said seriously.

So, I brought lunch from the kitchen into the living room where Carlisle, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett had already gathered collectively agreeing to join in, even though not a word had been spoken.

We all looked at Alice as she lay on Jasper's chest.

"So, you already know I was hunted by James and another vampire changed me to save me from him. You know that I woke up with no memories. I don't remember my transformation even, which Carlisle told me the first time I mentioned it, is unusual."

Carlisle smiled slightly.

"The first memory I have was of seeing the most beautiful sandy blond man in a diner. I went to go find him and the image disappeared, so I changed my mind and went back and the image returned. That's how I knew it wasn't time yet. I just stayed where I was in the woods, probably north Mississippi, but I can't be sure. My throat hurt a lot. I had already found out that water was horrible.

"One day I smelled something delicious. I wanted it badly, so I travelled very fast to get to it. When I looked down there was an older man with a rifle. He looked kind of sad and I wondered how he had gotten that way. I went to walk away and I saw some creatures in black cloaks come, capture me, and take me away. So, I decided that maybe that was a punishment for leaving this poor guy out in the fields. I figured maybe I should bury him. I did. This time when I walked away there were no creatures in black cloaks.

"I don't know how long I lived that way. I stayed in the place that I had woken up and found dead men at my feet. Eventually I began to wonder if I was killing them, but I was so small and they were so big, I didn't know how that would be possible. It was all terribly confusing and lonely. After a while, I became afraid of myself and the possibility that I was hurting others. Then one day, I was lying in the grass trying to catch an image of the sandy haired man with my looking. I wanted to know where he was and if he was wearing the same clothes as the first image I had of him, so that I would know it was time.

"Each time I would see him standing looking sad by himself or fighting. Too often I would see him die only for him to change some microsecond thing and stay alive. Even though it was hard to watch him, the loneliness was worse. My mind kept circling about the dead men at my feet. Shortly after, I got another image, like the one of the sandy haired man, but it wasn't in motion. This one was a picture of a family and the sandy haired man and I were in the photo. There was an older man with blond hair and a woman that stood close to him with caramel coloured hair. There was a blond girl standing with a big bulky guy and there was a tall scrawny copper haired boy.

"I knew, since the sandy haired man was in the photo, that I had to wait for him first, but that's when I started searching my visions for the family. One time I saw the older blond male and the younger copper male hunting and they made similar puncture wounds I had seen on the men at my feet, except on animals. I wondered if that could work for me. It was the first time I went to find something for the burn in my throat on purpose.

"It was really difficult. I didn't know how to find them, and I was getting frustrated. The first time I found a herd of deer it was by accident. I had decided to give up and I was sitting next to a stream when I heard chewing noises. After a little work of following the sound, I found them. I tried to follow what I had seen in the vision, but I made a mess of myself. On top of that, the blood didn't really taste good. Despite all of that, I liked that I had something in common with the family that I would be a part of one day. So, I started finding a deer once a day. After that, I didn't find men dead at my feet, and I liked that too. That was my life for quite a while. I learned that the sandy haired male had a woman in his life named Maria. I had learned the blond male was called Carlisle. He would have the oddest conversations where only the copper haired male would talk. When I searched I could see no other members of the family."

My eyes left Alice and looked over to where I had heard Bella giggling.

"Oh, sorry, Alice. I bet he looked like he was insane carrying half of a conversation. I apologise."

"It's all right. It was confusing. I can see it being funny now, but at the time I thought there was something wrong with them. Anyway, one day when I was looking I saw Carlisle come home carrying the woman with caramel coloured hair, only she looked different than the photo. He had an argument with the copper haired male, which is when I learned his name and the woman's name. I watched as Carlisle bit Esme on her throat and then wrists and ankles. Then, he apologised for being indecent, lifted her skirt, and brought out her undergarments and dumped them on the floor.

"I watched as she went through the transformation, as he sat with her and explained that they were vampires, that she had been dying, and that he had saved her in a way. He brushed her hair and after some time Edward returned with clothes. Carlisle washed her down, cleaned up all the blood, and changed her, apologising again. In all fairness, he did a very good job of not looking at her much.

"That's how I learned about the first year, the bloodlust, how Esme got adjusted to the scent of humans, her early failures, how difficult it was, and Carlisle's soothing words. Each time he taught Esme something, I learned the same thing. When they went into a town, I went near a town at dark. I watched them get married and then Edward leave. I tried not to watch Edward too much during those years, as they were difficult, and made me want to copy him. Instead, I would watch Carlisle and Esme be sad.

"I learned how to steal clothes off the clothes lines that fit me. I learned how to take down a deer so that I didn't spoil my dress. Every time I went near humans I paid attention to how they dressed and then I compared it to the kind of clothes my sandy coloured hair man had been wearing in the diner. I made mistakes. I would go too many days without a deer and a human would get too close.

"With each killed human I would apologise to them, and bury their bodies in the ground reminding myself of Carlisle's words to Esme. I hadn't slipped in over a year since Edward had returned. That was how I learned that their eyes were golden from drinking the blood of animals, because Edward's were red when he wasn't with them, but I watched them go back to golden the longer he lived with them, and Carlisle had already explained about them being red for the first year.

"I got myself a job in a clothing boutique. I told them that I fainted easily, so I could go out to the back for fresh air when I needed. I worked hard and stayed on working there for about a year. I also learned a lot about clothes, which helped. That's about when I started learning how to win money with cards, races, all kinds of things. After quitting my job, I would get a little place on the outskirts of whatever town I was near at the time.

"Rosalie was changed, so I knew the time was getting closer. I opened a little shop and gave out fortunes for money. Emmett was changed. Peter came into Jasper's life. That was how I learned Jasper's name. I was glad to see Jasper had someone other than that vile woman Maria. That was also the year I took another human's life.

"A sweet little girl with strawberry pigtails and a round face with freckles came in wanting to know if this guy who was sweet on her was the man for her. She had cut her finger right before she came in. I don't think she even knew she was bleeding. I remember having the blood fragrance fill the shop. I remember her talking to me and me persuading her, despite her fear, to stay.

"I asked for her palm. She gave me the hand where her cut was. I held it trying with all my might to resist, to send her away, to not take the nectar that called to me. I wasn't strong enough. I jumped over the table. Put my hand on her mouth, brought the cut to my lips and sucked. Eventually she passed out and still I drank. Eventually her heart stopped.

"I wanted to run, but when I decided to do that, the black cloaked figures showed up. The only option I could see, that didn't end with them, was a fire. I burned my shop down with her inside. Then, I ran north and found a cabin in the middle of nowhere. I stayed there for two years, watching my soon-to-be-family and Jasper, and hunted caribou. When I saw Jasper leave Maria with Peter and Charlotte, I knew it was time for me to find the diner.

"That young girl haunted me for a long time, because I knew better by then, but was too weak to resist. The best and worst part of being a vampire is our perfect memories. Every wonderful moment with Jazz, I remember perfectly, but also remember her perfectly as well. Every time after that when I was tempted, I remembered her. It helps some, but not completely."

Bella got up and hugged Alice, stopping her story telling. Jasper held his breath as she approached. Alice and Bella stayed like that for over five minutes. I had to admire Alice's capacity to have Bella's skin and heartbeat so close. Finally, Bella pulled away and sat back down in the armchair that we had returned to the living room after Bree and Diego's departure. We all sat in silence. Alice really did know us, as if she had lived with us all those years. I had known that already, but I had enjoyed hearing it as Alice told it.

Perhaps an hour has passed since Alice had finished her story, us all waiting in silence when Carlisle spoke, "Penny for your thoughts, Bella?"

She looked up. "I was just trying to imagine all those years when Alice's only company was her visions. And I was thinking about how lucky I am that I have all of you here to help me. I used to believe that I would never slip and maybe I won't. You haven't; Rosalie hasn't. That shows me that it is possible, but I'm beginning to see that it's difficult and sometimes a slip is just bad luck."

Everyone looked relieved with her words. We would do our best, but there really was no guarantee.

"I have to say, Jasper," she continued, "that I admire your struggle on my birthday even more. I'm glad your family was here to stop you, and I never was upset with you, but I guess I understand a bit more. You guys make it seem much easier than it probably really is. I appreciate all that you all have shared. It's been tough to hear at times, but I feel more informed than I did before, and I can see better why you say that it's not an easy life."

Jasper looked astonished at Bella's words, but said nothing.

Rosalie looked sad, but slightly hopeful.

Emmett and Alice looked reservedly excited and hopeful.

"I'm glad, Bella," Carlisle said on our behalf, "to hear that you can see better now why we say that it is not an easy life. You also need to know that although we have offered for you to become like us, we will whole heartily accept your choice of staying human."

She nodded with the smell of tears entering the space, and for the first time I saw something more than the dogmatic insistence that being a vampire was what she wanted.

Carlisle paused, watching her carefully before he asked, "Anything more?"

She shook her head no, looking slightly embarrassed and uncomfortable to be in the limelight.

She spent much of the day with us, but then went over to Jake's in the late afternoon, about the same time that the kids left for Seattle.

Unexpectedly, she called me from her house and asked me to pick her up, giving me no explanation before the call ended. When I arrived, I found Charlie and Jake there. Something had obviously happened, but no one was filling me in. Jake looked smug, Charlie looked ambivalent and perhaps a little pleased. Bella looked enraged.

"Bella asked me to take her to see Carlisle," I told Charlie, deferring to him once I was out of the car.

"That's fine, Esme," he said, as if it was no bother.

"I'm going to spend the night, Dad," Bella informed him briskly.

"Sure, sure," he told her.

Bella then got in the car cradling her hand, without another word.

We were half way to the house when I asked, "You want to talk about it?"

"No," she seethed.

"That's okay," I told her softly. "When you're ready."

She nodded. Her eyes began to water, but no tears fell.

"I told Carlisle that you had called me. I hope that was okay, Bella," I let her know as we pulled up.

She never responded, but got out once the car was parked in the garage. Carlisle met her at the door.

"Are you all right?" he asked sounding very fatherly.

"Can you look at my hand, please?" she asked.

He held out his hand and Bella placed hers within it. He examined it carefully and then told her, "It looks badly sprained, but not broken." After a moment's pause and her remaining silent he added, "Let me get you a brace. You'll need to wear it for a few weeks to let it heal."

She nodded.

"Want to talk about it?" Carlisle asked, as he put the brace that he had just retrieved on her.

She smiled grimly. "Anyone ever tell you that you two think a lot alike?" she asked looking back and forth between us.

"A certain someone who shall not be named used to, actually," he told her smiling at the memory.

I went and stood next to him.

"Whatever it is, it's okay," I assured her.

"See, I punched Jake," she told us sheepishly.

I looked at Carlisle lost. What would a mother say to a human girl that just punched a shapeshifter? I tried to imagine what her human mother might have done. That didn't help much.

"How come?" Carlisle asked clearly more composed than I.

"He kissed me," she muttered. "I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't. I didn't know what else to do, so I punched him."

By the end, I was growling and Carlisle was holding me in place.

I took one look at Bella seeing tears running down her face, and told her, "I apologise, Bella. I didn't mean to scare you."

She looked up and blinked. "You didn't scare me."

"No?" I asked befuddled.

"You were upset about what happened," she said as if this was obvious.

I had been, but that didn't explain her reaction.

"I am upset that any boy, but especially one you trust to be your friend," I tried to explain, "would violate you like that. Even if it is a kiss, no is no."

Carlisle was perfectly still next to me.

"Carlisle?" I asked concerned.

He blinked and looked at me. "I'm sorry love. I was very upset there for a moment." He looked at Bella sternly. "Would I have your permission to talk to Billy Black about this?"

"No," she shrieked. "Absolutely not!"

We looked at each other.

"It's all right, Bella," Carlisle said in his soothing doctor tone. "If you don't want me to, I won't. Can you at least tell me why not?"

"Well, it was kind of my fault," she admitted guiltily.

I doubted that, but I tried to keep my face neutral.

"He told me that he loved me," she continued. "I tried to explain that although I did love him as well, I didn't love him like _that_. Then he leaned in, but I didn't back away, or say no, or try to stop him, or anything. Then once our lips met I felt like I was betraying Edward." As his name exited her mouth, she flinched briefly. "I tried to move and back away. I even pulled on his hair, but he's so strong. He didn't feel any of it. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know I was saying no until I slugged him."

"I see," Carlisle said slowly.

"Bella," I said even more slowly than at the speed Carlisle had spoken. "Anytime the other person isn't paying attention to the signals you're giving them means they aren't being respectful to you. Even if it is a young shapeshifter, you shouldn't need to slug them to get your point across."

She just looked down with tears falling onto her lap.

"Bella," Carlisle said in a soothing almost hypnotic tone. "Did Edward ever not respect any of your cues like that?"

She looked up and at him in a dazed fury.

"Never," she hissed. "If anything, I didn't always do a good job paying attention to his cues. I was always pushing for more, trying to move his firm lines of acceptability."

"I see," he said calmly. After a few minutes he asked, "What did your father say about Jake's behaviour?"

"Nothing," she grumbled tinged with sadness. "He's been pushing to get Jacob and I together since I moved here."

"He didn't scold him or discipline him in any way?" he checked.

"No," she said slowly as if Carlisle's idea was crazy. "He thanked him for driving me home. Then they just stood outside together, Charlie on the porch, Jacob near the truck until Esme showed up."

Carlisle turned towards me. "Was Jacob disrespectful to you in any way?"

"No, he didn't say one word to me." I told him.

"Anything else, Bella?" he checked.

"No, but I'm tired," she told us.

The fact that she had admitted this to us pleased me, as it signalled her improvement in voicing her needs.

"How about Esme makes you something small and light for dinner, and then I'll give you a little something for the pain, and you can get some sleep?"

She nodded and followed me to the kitchen.

I made her a small salad.

While Bella ate dinner, Carlisle called Charlie.

"Bella has sprained her hand," he told him after pleasantries had been exchanged.

"Thanks for looking after her Dr. Cullen."

"It's my pleasure," Carlisle informed Charlie sincerely. "I'm concerned about the nature of how she got the injury."

"Yeah, well, Jake meant no harm and Bella should know better than to punch someone."

"Did you talk to Jake about stopping when the other person wants to stop?"

"Yeah, after Esme left. He's young and big. He said that he honestly didn't know she wanted to stop until he heard the bones in her hand crack. He promised me that he would have stopped if she had said no."

"You believe him?" Carlisle checked.

"Yeah," Charlie stated firmly. "He seemed real cut up about it."

"Well her hand will need to be in a brace for a while," he let Charlie know. "I will give her a painkiller to help her sleep for tonight."

"Sure, that's fine. Thanks again," Charlie said.

"It's not a bother. Good night Charlie."

"Night."

When she finished eating, I helped her to her room and into pyjamas.

Carlisle brought her something to take and she cried herself to sleep.

So, Bella ended up spending the night, even though she hadn't planned on it.

A few hours after Bella had drifted off, Carlisle's phone rung unexpectedly, and I hung on every word listening carefully to the conversation.

Riley had finally called.

"Do you know where the Calawah River divides on the east side of Forks?" Riley asked without preamble.

"Yes," Carlisle replied.

"Meet me there alone at 4am," Riley instructed. "We'll talk about your proposal there."

"Agreed."

Immediately Carlisle dialled Billy Black's number despite the hour.

"Hello?" Billy answered unsteadily.

"Hello, Mr. Black, this is Carlisle. Forgive me for the hour. Riley called. Did Sam want to go with me? If so, and if it's possible, I would appreciate some assistance at our home to help guard Bella and another to keep Charlie safe."

"I'll call Sam," Billy replied groggily.

"Thank you."

In the meantime, I texted all the kids: 911 get home now.

Their phones would be off, but Alice should see my decision and what was going on, unless she was too focused on something else. I prayed that the words I had told her were correct, and that no matter what was happening that her visions would force her to see the danger we were in.


	23. Tested Beyond Our Measure

**The reference to Mary's first encounter with Esme and Carlisle comes from _Faith & Love_ by MikiInBlueJeans here on FF**

 **The image of have of Edward as referred to in this chapter comes from _Saudade_ by Haemophilus Leona**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Update 10 May 18)

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 **Chapter 23: Tested Beyond Our Measure  
**

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Just over half an hour later, three wolves and Sam showed up.

"Thank you for coming Sam," Carlisle greeted. "We appreciate your support of us."

"One wolf is guarding Charlie at his place," he stated abruptly.

With five wolves to the pack, that would mean that they had left their own land unprotected. It was unnecessarily generous of them.

Continuing, clearly skipping formalities, he informed us, "Charlie's sleeping. One will stay here to guard Bella. The two others will come with us."

On one hand, the lack of protocol would probably have Ephraim rolling in his grave. On the other hand, I was appreciative that Sam was ready to work together and wanted to figure it out as fast as possible.

"Victoria probably told Riley about you, so try to stay upwind to keep your cover," Carlisle requested. "Our kids are in Seattle trying to stop the young ones Victoria has made since our last engagement with her. We informed Alice of our need for them to come home, but they might not make in it time."

"What do we need to know?" Sam asked crisply.

"We believe that since Riley called us, he will speak on Victoria's behalf. I will speak on behalf of our family. The goal is to agree to a truce or a disbandment of some kind."

"Is it possible that he's a decoy?" Sam inquired.

"Yes," Carlisle stated. "That's why the protection here and at the Swan's."

"Victoria?" he questioned.

"Perhaps," Carlisle replied.

They talked terrain and strategy and possibilities. I texted the kids the same urgent message once more, making sure that I purposefully decided to send the message. We were running out of time.

The deadline for when Carlisle needed to leave was getting closer, and the kids were still nowhere in sight.

"I'm going to lock up the house," I explained to Sam. "It would be safer if the wolf was in the house with me, presuming he's agreeable."

Sam appeared to be considering it before he spoke. "It will be uncomfortable for you both."

"I am well aware of that," I agreed with him.

Carlisle looked slightly distressed with the idea, but said nothing.

"Well," Sam stated after a thoughtful pause. "If it can offer some additional protection, then yes." As he spoke these words, he stared directly at the wolf, as if giving him instructions.

Grabbing onto Carlisle's hands tightly, I then kissed him on the cheek briefly.

"I'll be back soon, love," he promised.

The words did little to assuage my fears. He is a skilled fighter, he will keep himself alive I reminded myself, but thoughts guaranteed nothing. Yet, he had to go.

"Hope and faith," I told him as he began to run off.

"Hope and faith, even with our lives," he agreed the wind carrying his words back to me with three wolves running behind him.

These words gave me courage to face my fears. He might die today. I might die today. But we were willing to risk ourselves and each other on hope and faith, and with those qualities came love. Everything we had gone through pressed upon these next moments. Although I was scared and anxious, we had already decided that these were the moments that would be worth it. This was where our words met our actions. I would be Mrs. Carlisle Cullen, mate, and wife, and mother.

My back straight and with a posture that was reminiscent of Rosalie, I opened the back door for the wolf, and went inside. Moving furniture, stacking some things, I generally tried to protect our belongings, just in case. While I moved at the fastest speed I could, the wolf stood in the entranceway simply watching me. When the room was situated the best possible, I went back to the entranceway, closed the door, entered the keycode, and the shutters came down covering every window and door.

Then we sat together waiting.

The wolf whined occasionally, while I focused my senses entirely outside of our home.

Knowing adolescent boys as I did, I was betting that my companion didn't like being left behind, so took his whining as nothing more than his way of complaining.

At one point, I thought about offering him something to eat or drink, but then I didn't know how he would consume it, so we just sat and waited.

Seven minutes past four I heard the gaits of the kids running and no sounds that might indicate that they were followed or some other danger.

"My kids are coming," I let the pup know.

After entering the keycode and the shutters retreating, I stepped outside, while the wolf stayed in the living room.

"Carlisle and three wolves went to where the Calawah River divides right to the east of Forks," I greeted them pleased to see them unharmed. "He was instructed to come alone, but Sam and two others are hiding nearby in case Riley didn't come alone as he said he would. Bella is upstairs asleep, so one wolf is here and one is protecting the Swan's residence."

"Emmett with me. Rosalie and Alice with Esme protecting Bella," Jasper ordered and ran off.

As soon as us girls were in the house, I closed the shutters again.

"Really, Mom?" Rosalie complained before the shutters were completely down.

"Please, Rosalie, behave," I admonished in our quick subhuman murmur adding, "I was grateful for companionship." Then switching to a tone I assumed the wolf could pick up, I told them, "I was worried that you would not make it in time."

"We almost didn't," Rosalie hissed out.

"What happened?" I asked only slightly quicker than a human speed, not wanting to be rude to our guest, but unable to completely contain my anxiousness.

"Alice saw that you sent the text, but not why," she explained. "We rushed back to the Jeep as quickly as possible only to find that someone had disabled it. I can repair it, no problem, but it would have taken too long, so we ran the whole way."

"I have a good feeling so far about the meeting," Alice said at a human tone and speed, and then added in our quick murmur, "On our way back I saw Carlisle and Riley meeting. Since I have seen Riley in person once and three times in a vision with someone else, I expect that I will be able to tune into him better going forward."

Hopefully, the wolves couldn't understand us at our subhuman speed. There was no need to inform them on what was essentially family business.

"Any luck in Seattle?" I asked Rosalie at a human pace forcing myself to slow down.

"Not a scent," she reported tersely at the same pace.

I looked at her worryingly.

"Exactly," she agreed, her own anxiousness beginning to show.

Needing to find a less worrisome topic, I told her in a conversational human tone, "You know Bella finished her finals. She is officially a high school graduate," my eyes moving towards Bella's room in an attempt to distract us.

"That's great Mom," Rosalie said half-heartedly.

"Can we not get into that now, Rose dear?" I asked almost pleading.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I'm happy for Bella, though."

"I'm glad as well," I beamed my pride in her apparent.

Rosalie closed her eyes and stopped breathing, assumingly giving her whole attention to the sounds outside of the house.

Taking a look at Alice, she was statuesque, portraying not the slightest twitch, not even facial expressions. It appeared that she was giving her whole concentration to focusing on what she could see through her gift. She would warn us if we were in danger.

The last time we had sat down as a family to discuss what we would do after the summer had not gone well.

"It seems that Bella has decreased her options to Western Washington University and Central Washington University," I had told the family, as way of introducing the topic. My tone had made it evident that I was pleased with Bella's choices.

"Seriously?" Rosalie had growled. "Out of all the schools in the nation? Didn't she get into Dartmouth? I don't want to go to either of those places!"

"You've gone to Dartmouth before, Rosalie," I had reminded her gently.

"That's not the point," she had countered. "I swear that girl has a screw loose. Who in their right mind turns down Dartmouth for some Washington University school?" she stated as if Bella's choices were contaminated.

"She said that she could always do an Ivy League school in the future. For now, she wants to stay near her father. She knows her time with him is short, and she wants to make the most of it while still going to college. At the same time, she considered the number of sunny days of where she got in, their location in terms of attracting others of our kind, and relative distance to hunting grounds," I had explained hoping that Rosalie could see how Bella had done an excellent job of considering the needs of the rest of the family and not just herself.

"If Charlie matters so much to her, then she should go to the community college in Port Angeles or something and live with Daddy," Rosalie had sneered.

Everyone else at the table had sat quietly saying nothing.

"Rosalie," I had warned. "What is going on with you?" I had asked my voice concerned, but also unwilling for her to continue throwing a strop about this.

"Come on, Mom? Really? She gets everything she wants. We'll just cater to her whims because good ol' Eddie convinced us to leave her. We're doing our bit. We're going to Seattle. We're dealing with Victoria. Our lives are on the line while she's sitting pretty. Worse, she doesn't even want to stay human. Despite Eddie's treatment of her and him still missing in action, she keeps saying that she wants to become one of us. Carlisle said that he'd turn her, even against Eddie's wishes and my opinions. Blah blah blah. Now _she_ gets to decide where I got to school." By the end, Rosalie's tone had been livid.

"Rosalie," I had chided.

"It might be fun," Alice had offered, but she sounded really doubtful.

"Don't go there," Rosalie had warned Alice giving her an icy stare.

"It seems like we aren't going to agree right now. Let's leave it a few days. You're welcome to talk to Bella, each of you. Perhaps the five of you could discuss the pros and cons of each university. All right?" Carlisle had stated in his stern fatherly tone.

"Sure, fine," Rosalie had muttered, even though she clearly hadn't let go of whatever was bothering her.

The subject had been dropped and strategies regarding them going to Seattle had been discussed instead, but we still hadn't come to a resolution. Understandable, Carlisle was reluctant to overrun Rosalie. We both, really, were hoping Rosalie would come around.

My mind came back to the problem at hand, as Rosalie let out a loud huff. Rosalie and her loathing of Bella's university choices was a problem for another day. As I kept watching Alice, I was slowly becoming as still as her. Then she relaxed and her eyes focused on the room.

"I have a good feeling that they'll all be okay," Alice proclaimed softly.

As the next few minutes passed, the tension seemed to decreased.

Suddenly, Alice put her hands out in front of her. "No! Jasper stop! Don't!" she screamed. Shortly after the wolf howled.

Rosalie looked up at the ceiling. "Is that door secure?" she asked tensely.

The fact that, despite everything, Rosalie was looking out for Bella pleased me.

"Yes," I let her know, "the moment we got the call from Riley."

Right then the door handle moved, but given the door was locked, it remained closed. Then some indeterminate sounds could be heard. If I had to guess, Bella was walking around.

I had put a small circular window, too small for any adversarial creature to be able to crawl through, in her room, up high, nearly above her bed, in fact. Two of the bathroom walls were outward facing. I had replaced the glass and put in heavy materials to blocks sounds, her heartbeat for instance, from being heard outside. I had high narrow and wide windows that were triple glazed bulletproof glass in the bathroom letting in defuse light. It was only in this moment, despite the shutters that had come down over the whole house, that I was beginning to wonder if the windows would be good enough to ensure her obvious human indicators stayed away from listening ears.

'A watched pot never boils' had nothing on sitting in a room barricaded from the outside, waiting for your enemies bent on your destruction to rip through the metal and glass only capable of slowing them down. I focused, as it seemed that Rosalie was, on any sound that we could hear and on the wolf. After a minute or so of howling, he seemed to settle down. I could only hope that was a sign of peace rather than resignation. Seconds ticked by, each longer than the last.

Then, without warning, I heard the unnatural movement of trees and the sound of our kind jumping trunk to trunk. I was grateful that I had decided to reinforce the roof prior to our choosing to make Forks our next home in 2002. The point of doing so had been to protect us from attacks. Jasper wanted extra measures with the wolves so close. I have never before been so grateful for my son's capacity to see danger at every turn.

Since yelling out, Alice had resumed her deep concentration of the future. I was no longer sure if her stillness was a reassurance that all was well. She could be just as lost in watching Riley, Victoria, Jasper fighting, or the Swan's home being attacked. She was bound to miss things. She was not infallible.

Therefore, as the sounds grew nearer and I knew that the approaching vampires were less than 100 yards away, I held my breath and stilled myself, allowing every part of me to prepare to defend my daughters. As I did, I could begin to hear the sound of paws running quickly to our home with an urgency and fervency I had never known them to have, even when we had hunted Victoria together. I looked over at the wolf in our home. He looked back and seemed to point his nose to the keypad.

"Are you sure?" I asked him.

He nodded and his look was pleading.

"Let's wait till they're closer, just in case," I told the wolf in my motherly tone.

He seemed to roll his eyes at me like my children do when they believe I'm being overly protective.

The movement in the trees stopped, as if the approaching vampires were waiting to pounce as soon as the doors were opened.

"Please unlock the shutters," I heard Carlisle ask.

Hesitantly, as I was uncertain that he wasn't speaking under duress, time ticked by at an ever slower rate, as I moved at a sluggish human pace, giving the pack time to arrive. How ironic this moment seemed that I was waiting for wolves to help protect those I loved. By the time that the Quileutes were within 50 feet of the back porch, I was at the keypad and put in the code. Immediately, our wolf was up and moving towards the back door. Rosalie was right behind him. We gave him room to exit and then Rosalie and I together, preparing to fight, stepped out onto the porch. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight before me.

In the trees were our men with ripped clothes and skin showing. Emmett's skin was broken on his chest and arms with what looked like claw marks. It reminded me of the state he had been in when Rosalie had brought him home. I went to say something, but the corner of my eye caught Carlisle staring at me shaking his head no. I closed my mouth and evaluated Rosalie. She seemed frozen in shock.

I wanted to comfort her, but given that Victoria might be coming our way with newborns as support, I didn't. Instead, I watched as the wolves made a half-circle around our men and Sam, in human form, stepped out of the trees.

"I thought you were honourable Carlisle Cullen. I thought that the treaty meant something to you. Explain yourself before I order my men to rip you apart," Sam bellowed.

"If I wanted the mutt dead, he would be dead, instead of just fine, chomping at the bit to take another piece of me," Emmett claimed back loudly.

"I think Seattle heard you, Emmett," I chided him. "Given Victoria, Riley, and newborns, perhaps softer calmer voices would be more appropriate right now?" I regulated my voice to the volume and tone I expected from him.

"Sorry, Mom," he uttered with some decreased volume. "The mangy mutt–"

"We will speak to our allies and friends respectfully, especially after one was left here to help protect me," I scolded him.

"Sorry, Mom," he muttered dejected.

Carlisle looked like he couldn't adore me more, and Jasper was smirking.

I swore the wolves were chuckling.

Turning to Sam I told him, "Sam, I know you to be a reasonable man. Obviously my son here did something to cause an upset. Would you mind telling me what happened?"

He looked at me calculatingly.

Rosalie began to stir.

"Do you want to stay here with me or go up with Emmett?" I asked her in our quick murmur.

"I'll stay," she stated determinedly, even though I could tell that it was hard for her to be parted from Emmett. "Just to be safe."

"Everything with Riley had ended," Sam began to inform me. "When Carlisle got to the trees, he scaled one, and travelled towards us in this manner. Just when he reached us your _son_ ," he spat the word, "leapt at Paul with no provocation breaking his left front leg, jumped back into the tree, and then the three of them darted tree to tree here."

I looked at Emmett. "True?"

"Yes, but it was Jasper's idea," he whined.

I looked at Jasper accusingly.

"There was a great likelihood that Riley could see us. I was concerned that if we did not attack, it would give the him the idea that we were working together, which might change Victoria's tactics. This way we appeared, for all intents and purposes, weak, cowardly, and the enemies of the wolves. In fairness, I had a hard time convincing Carlisle that the wolf would heal just fine, using you being in danger as leverage," his report was brisk and contained no apology.

Sam's eyes darted between Jasper, Carlisle, Emmett, and then me, his mouth ajar. An instant later, all four wolves sprinted away, and Sam transformed into his wolf form shredding his clothing.

"Are we following?" Jasper asked Carlisle.

"You and I, yes. Emmett, get into the house and have Rosalie help close up your wounds. Esme batten up the hatches again," he ordered as they moved away. "We're to keep our distance. No engagement unless we are left with no other options," he told Jasper firmly.

"Understood," was the last thing I heard before their voices were too far away.

Rosalie brought Emmett into the medical room Carlisle had hidden away on the first floor.

I closed the back doors and locked the house down.

"Do you need help?" I asked Rosalie from the keypad at the back door.

"Yes, since he's being a big baby," Rosalie replied.

As I passed Alice, she didn't even acknowledge I was there. I let her be, assuming that she needed to concentrate, and interrupting her might distract her.

Rosalie had already torn off Emmett's shirt. The wounds on his chest went from his right shoulder to his left hip. There were also deep gashes from his left shoulder down his arm. His wrist look like it had separated from his arm and his thumb looked to be barely hanging on.

"One leg and look what he did in retaliation," Emmett complained.

"I thought you were faster than that," Rosalie admonished.

"He caught me off guard. They're quick. When he stumbled a little to his left, I let go, and he threw me off his back, all because I didn't want to hold onto his chest and accidently crush his ribs," he defended himself. "Should of, though, ungrateful mutt," he muttered. "His jaw went to get my arm, but I moved it too fast before he clamped down, while his right paw slashed my front." His tone, although irritated, made it sound like he was proud of himself.

"Hold still," Rosalie commanded.

"How can I help, Rose?" I asked her.

"Help me bring the chest wounds together so that the venom can do its job."

I came near and did as she requested. When it would begin to bind together, she would lick the outside, creating a seal.

"How did you learn to do that, Rose?" I asked quietly as we worked.

"I'm not sure you want to know, Esme," she replied even quieter.

"Teeth play?" I asked cautiously.

She shrugged. "It seemed instinctual after an accident. I felt bad for days, but we learned it did the trick."

"I see," was all I could figure to say. After a few minutes I added, "Good thing you did. It's serving us well now."

Rosalie just nodded, but there was a small grin threatening.

His arm was harder to repair, as it was in worse condition.

"What about not taking unnecessary risks?" I asked Emmett, concerned that the lesson he had claimed he had learned from watching Rosalie fight hadn't really penetrated.

"It was a calculated risk. I wasn't supposed to get hurt," he claimed. "I wouldn't have either, if I hadn't been so generous to that fleabag," he added indignantly.

"Every physical action with others carries some inherent risk Emmett, even wrestling," I pointed out. "I appreciate your willingness to follow Jasper's plan, but please be careful of your actions. We can't afford to lose you." At the last sentence I looked at him poignantly, and he hung his head.

"Yes, Mom," he said sincerely.

While we had spoken, I had held his shoulder, while Rosalie had insured that his injured arm was in the socket correctly. Then we worked together on the gashes. I held his arm while she mended the wrist. Lastly, I held his hand, while she reattached the thumb.

He turned over and we made sure he had no wounds on his back. She tore his pants leaving him in only his boxers as we checked over his legs.

"I'll leave you to check the rest," I informed her. "I'm going to check on Bella."

"He's going to need to hunt soon. She shouldn't be near him till afterwards," Rosalie stated firmly more for Emmett's sake, surely.

Emmett looked like he was going to protest.

"Just as a precaution, babe," she told him softly and with great tenderness, but it was clear that she wasn't budging on the issue. "You're eyes are darker than coals."

"Fine," he grumbled. "Can't have another lunging accident now can we?" He chuckled, but I knew he was upset.

Nothing had changed with Alice as I passed her once more.

Unlocking Bella's door, I entered, finding her asleep in her bed. Locking the door behind me, I sat in her chair at her desk and allowed her rhythms to calm me. There were too many things to worry about, but none of them were solvable in this moment. Right now, my girls were safe, Emmett was healing, Carlisle had returned to me, there had been no immediate attack, and thus I had to hope that Carlisle's talk with Riley had brought us one step closer to a resolution.

It took less than an hour for Carlisle and Jasper to return. As I heard them approach, I left Bella in her bed, locking her door as I left. It was an unusual door because when it was locked it created as close to a perfect seal as was possible. Going to open the shutters and unlocking the front door, I found Emmett on a couch and Rosalie on the ground next to him holding his right hand with all the furniture back to their regular spots. Fortunately, I could hear nothing of concern accompanying Carlisle and Jasper.

As soon as Jasper's feet hit the porch, Alice was up like a bolt and to him.

Carlisle came in looking worse for wear, but his eyes lit up when he saw me. He put his hands on my face and then ran them down my arms pulling me in close. He nuzzled his head into my hair and took in deep gulps.

"We need code words for the future," I told him. Needing to offer him something helpful, I explained myself, "When you asked for me to open the shutters, I couldn't be certain you weren't doing so under threat. Gaits are identifiable, tree jumping is not."

Carlisle held onto me tighter as if I had not spoken.

Rosalie gave us couples some time before she stated emphatically, "We need to hunt."

"Can we ask the wolves to protect Bella?" I asked uncertainly.

"Yes, I suppose we can," was Carlisle's answer.

Peering at him, he looked defeated. He seemed unable to speak, instead lost in his thoughts.

"Jasper?" I asked tentatively.

"Riley got into Bella's room and took some of her clothing," he informed us.

I gasped.

"Charlie wasn't hurt, but he got past the wolf guarding on the way in."

My eyes grew. Her clothing missing meant they had her scent. What Victoria might want with her scent terrified me.

"And all five on the way out," Jasper continued. "Carlisle and I followed his trail, but it disappeared on the highway, most likely due to the result of him stealing someone's car. There was no blood on the ground, but I doubt whoever it was will survive. Charlie will have either a missing person's report or a gruesome death of a local. That's assuming the car was local. It might have been someone just passing through."

Looking grim at the news, I tried to consider if there was anything we could do. "Are things smoothed over with Sam?" I checked.

"We didn't get a chance," Carlisle answered his tone grieved and deeply upset. "We came straight home."

"We need to hunt," Rosalie reiterated. "Preferably large game."

Carlisle sighed.

I found it endearing how human he behaved, even at a time like this.

"Yes, Rosalie, we do," he agreed seeming to come back to himself. "First, though, we must secure Bella. The sun will be rising soon. I will need to confer with Billy Black, and if possible, I'd like her to go to Emily's. Please be a little more patient."

She nodded unhappily.

"In the mean time, can you please fill us in on how your meeting with Riley went?" I asked gently, seeing the stress in him.

He nodded and pulled me over to a sofa, placed me in his arms, and held me tight.

"He stayed on one side of the river and I on the other.

'I got your note,' Riley stated with a smirk. 'Clever thing you did, converting two of ours to your diet. It's great propaganda to gain more followers and thus spies.'

'We wish to live in peace, Riley. I intend you no harm,' I informed him. 'We did not convert your coven members. They came of their own free will and left of their own free will. They simply abided by our territory rules while they were in it.'

His smirked increased. 'Yes, Victoria told me that your lies are very persuasive and to guard myself. Clearly, killing our newborns isn't enough. You might have fooled those two idiots, but you won't fool me.'

'I do wish you would see reason, Riley,' I told him. 'The Volturi will come because you are not controlling your newborns, and they will not hesitate to kill your entire coven. We have been simply trying to help your newborns learn the rules.'

'You can say what you want old man. I know the truth, and you speak nothing but lies,' he insisted. 'Are you truly offering to hand over your human pet in exchange for us leaving _your_ coven alone?'

'I am willing to agree an amicable solution,' I replied.

'Amicable, huh? What we leave, you get all this territory to yourself, and keep the human that Victoria desires? If you were more willing to share, we wouldn't have this problem,' he stated calmly and then snorted.

'She only wants this human because my son killed her _mate._ There is no need to get yourself killed for someone else's vendetta,' I told him.

'Lies!' he snarled back. 'She loves me. We are mates. She had no one of consequence before me,' he insisted seething.

'I was there, Riley. I fought against her previous coven and her mate James. We killed James in defence to ourselves.'

'So you brought me out here, what? To convince me of lies? You're not offering anything.'

'Are you sure, Riley? Certainly you have doubts to Victoria's true intentions. Will you not just walk away?' I pleaded with him.

'I have no doubts,' he told me defiantly. 'Did you lie to your messenger, then?'

'I'm willing to let the past be in the past. Victoria leaves us be and we'll leave her be,' I offered.

'Not good enough,' he retorted.

"With great reluctance and sadness I concluded with certainty that there was no other options left to us, so I told him 'We are willing to bring the human Victoria seeks to the field where her former coven and us first met.'

'Who's we?' he asked sceptically.

'My family and I will bring the girl,' I let him know.

'And the wolves?' he challenged.

'Are built to destroy our kind and will not hesitate to kill all whom they see as their enemy,' I informed him.

Riley looked at me sceptically. 'Victoria said that they focused on her and did not attack you.'

'Well, the girl Victoria seeks they see as one of their own. She has offended them in ways we have not.'

Riley seemed to be considering that. 'Will it not offend them if you give up your pet?'

'Very likely,' I told him.

He smiled broadly. 'Well then perhaps they will do the honour of disposing of you.' Then he snickered. 'I agree to your terms and will see you in a week. Same time as tonight in the field you said.'

'Agreed.' Then I turned and walked towards Jasper and Emmett who were well hidden."

"You agreed?" I seethed.

"You knew it was a possibility," he said in an attempt to soothe me.

"As a last resort," I retorted.

"He killed Bree and Diego. I am not Edward, so I could not read his mind, but I am nearly sure of it. We are out of options." He sighed heavily and wrapped me in closer.

The silence between us all was suffocating. Time passed slowly, as no one was willing to speak.

Rosalie stared at him. Once the sun had cleared the horizon, she asked through clenched teeth "How about now?"

He took out his phone and dialled Billy Black.

"Good morning, Mr. Black," Carlisle greeted him when the phone connected.

"Good morning, _Carlisle_. What I can I do for you?" he asked gruffly as if the question would expedite Carlisle leaving him alone.

"I was hoping that a friend of Bella's, Emily, could meet us at the border on one-oh-one and keep Bella in La Push all day?" Carlisle explained

"She can't drive her own truck?" he asked, as if he was offended.

"We do not wish to leave her unattended," Carlisle explained cordially. "She will drive her truck, yes."

"Let me see. I'll call you back."

"Of course, Mr. Black. Speak to you soon."

As soon as he closed the phone Emmett asked, "So, where are we going hunting?"

We all agreed that we couldn't go far, but our first priority would be to get Emmett a carnivore, he requested a bear, not to mention that the Jeep was still near Seattle. Our options weren't great. We were in the midst of trying to come to a consensus when Carlisle's phone rang.

"Emily agreed," Billy said as soon as it connected. "She'll meet Bella there in an hour. When she's ready to leave La Push, we'll escort her home and someone will stay outside guarding her."

"Thank you. We appreciate your willingness."

"Sure, sure."

Then he hung up.

"I had better go wake Bella," I told the family while I rose. "Please wait to talk strategies after we've left the house," I pleaded. "We have a whole week to prepare."

Everyone nodded reluctantly in agreement.

Unlocking the door, I entered. Going over to Bella's bed, I shook her shoulder slightly. "Bella darling, plans have changed. I need you to get up now."

She made strange sounds like she wanted to talk but grunted instead. Eventually she rolled to me and opened her eyes.

"Darling, we need to hunt after last night. Carlisle called Billy and we are to drive you home. We need you to drive your truck to the border where Emily will meet you and take you to her house."

She opened her eyes more and seemed to be more awake. "Is everyone okay?" she asked groggily.

"Emmett got hurt a little," I told her softly.

She gasped and her eyes got big. She looked like she was going to run out of the room.

I put a hand on her shoulder.

"But," I continued, "he's fine now. He's resting on the couch. He needs to hunt, as do we all. Please, for our sake, give him a little space as to not be too tempting to him. His body is using up a lot of resources in order to heal."

Her eyes grew larger. Then understanding settled in and a little sadness.

"He's grumpy about it as well. Get showered and dressed. I'll have breakfast ready for you. We need to be at the border in an hour."

"Okay," she answered her reluctance to obey clear. Nevertheless, she moved towards the shower.

Leaving and closing the door behind me, I went to make her some oatmeal with cinnamon and raisins and honey.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs she greeted everyone, "Good morning. How you going Emmett?" she asked concerned.

"All in one piece," he said playfully.

"He's healing fine," Carlisle stated.

"Good to hear," Bella said.

She hesitated as if considering whether or not to obey my request, but then came into the kitchen looking tense. Once she was settled, she ate her oatmeal quickly.

"Thank you for giving him space, Bella," I told her soothingly. "I know it's hard."

She simply nodded and took another bite.

"Can I come over tonight?" she asked me as we left the kitchen.

"Not too much excitement for one night?" I teased.

"I feel safer here," she explained.

"I'll call you when we get back home. Emmett particularly needs to find carnivores. It might take a while. If it's past ten in the evening, then I'll call in the morning."

"Okay," she answered dejected.

I gave her a hug attempting to reassure her where words would surely be insufficient.

Carlisle drove his car, while I sat in the back seat with Bella.

Once we left the drive, Carlisle spoke softly, "Bella, would you like to know what happened last night?"

"Yes, please," she said eagerly, but with some trepidation.

"I went to attempt to convince Riley and, by extension, Victoria to leave us alone. I was unsuccessful. Perhaps after graduation and Alice's party we will have a chance to tell you what we believe we will do next."

She nodded, but her body appeared dejected while her lips were in a thin line.

"Emmett attacked Paul on Jasper's suggestion to show Riley that we are not working together. Paul hurt Emmett in protection of himself. Later Riley was able to get into your room and take some of your clothes. The wolf protecting your father was unable to stop Riley, as he basically stayed in the trees. Your father is unharmed. He never even woke up."

Bella nodded with tears falling.

"Bella?" he asked worried.

"I just wish it would end. I just want those I love to be safe."

"As do we, dear," I told her patting her knee.

"We need you to heal, Bella, and to keep yourself safe. You are much more breakable than us," Carlisle stated emphatically probably trying to make sure she didn't repeat her actions in Phoenix.

"Please keep yourself safe," I pleaded. "I could not bear to lose you."

She nodded. "Okay, Esme."

"No Phoenix shenanigans, lady. You hear me?" I told her using my motherly voice wanting to make Carlisle's and my position was clear.

Her cheeks reddened. "Yes, got it. Any ideas I have I'll bring to the discussion after the graduation party."

"Good to hear. I'll hold you to that," I told her sternly.

"I know you will," she answered with a smile that was more sad and frustrated than anything.

We pulled up to the Swans, retrieved Bella's truck, and followed her to the border to meet Emily. It had been unsettling to have what could only been Riley's scent lingering in the air. If he had gotten into Charlie's house, despite the wolf on protection detail and our family's plan, then what chance was it that we would all make it out of the confrontation next week unharmed? We had no better options, but for the first time Bella being protected by the wolves didn't seem like enough.

Carlisle got out of the car and went to speak with Emily. We could hear at least two wolves hiding in the trees.

"Bella punched Jake for not being respectful of her. Can I trust you to keep her safe and Jacob in line?" Carlisle asked Emily.

Bella looked like she wanted to burn holes in Carlisle and be buried alive at the same time.

"Sure, Dr. Cullen," Emily stammered.

"Can I also trust in your discretion?" he asked probably for Bella's sake.

"Sure, Dr. Cullen. Bella will be fine with me."

Carlisle handed her a piece of paper. "This is my cell number. We will be up in the mountains and out of cell range most of the day, but if you leave a message, I will get it as soon as I can."

"Okay," she agreed clearly nervous.

"Thank you, Emily." Carlisle gave her one of his winning persuasive smiles that has convinced millionaires to hand over huge sums of money for new hospital wings.

"You're welcome, Dr. Cullen," she told him her eyes glazed over.

"Was that necessary?" I teased my husband when he got into the car.

"No," he smiled, "but I wished to take every precaution I could."

"That seemed like more love than faith," I told him smiling.

"Hope, faith, and love, my darling," he retorted.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked with a teasing tone.

"Hope that she will be all right, faith that we will get through this, and love for all of my family."

"We are being tested beyond our measure," I told him solemnly.

"Yes," he agreed and with a sigh added, "I just hope we pass the test."

"As do I," I answered.

"I heard what you said about needing a code, Esme. It's a good idea, and I'm glad you were precautious," he stated earnestly.

"Thanks," I said softly glad he had heard me.

We drove the rest of the way in silence holding hands, clinging onto each other desperately.

When we returned to the house, everyone was ready to go, probably due to Alice's assistance. We travelled slower than usual all keeping to Emmett's pace. His injuries were prohibiting his natural speed.

Emmett hunted first, allowing Alice to assist him in finding a bear. Later, after we all found deer, apart from Jasper who had caught the scent of a wolf, Emmett had been able to find another bear, this time without assistance. Even after Emmett was able to travel at his usual pace the hunting took longer than usual, because we never travelled far from one another, just in case. It was almost like Bree and Diego were still with us.

"Are you sure he killed them?" I had asked Carlisle as the six of us were searching out a herd of deer.

"Fairly certain," he had replied sadly.

"Why would he do such a thing?" I had asked grieved by the whole thing. "Diego trusted him and went to talk to him, because he felt that he owed Riley something. I don't understand."

Carlisle had looked over at Jasper and they had shared a look. Then Carlisle had tightened his grip on my hand. "Most likely because Riley and Victoria would see them coming with us and changing diets as a betrayal, and spies are not welcome."

My face had contorted in confusion. They had not betrayed Riley or Victoria, and they weren't spies.

"Esme," Jasper had stated his voice hard, "the way that Carlisle leads this family is not how vampires live. Victoria sees them as her property, since she made them. Her venom runs through their veins. Them doing anything less than harming us or dying trying is a betrayal."

Emmett, Rosalie, and I had blanched, while Carlisle had frowned. How to wrap my head around the idea that Carlisle would consider us property was beyond me.

"Did Maria see you that way?" I had asked Jasper softly, after some time had passed, hoping I hadn't offended him.

"You already know that's the case," he had simply replied.

Yes, he had told me the stories and explained that to me, but somehow it looked different from this angle. Diego and Bree weren't a story with a happy ending. Two young sweet kids had died, taken from this earth, because we had invested in them. Suddenly Jasper's and Carlisle's arguments and Carlisle's insistence with Diego that he not go back to Seattle took on a different meaning.

Abruptly, I had stopped in my tracks, causing Carlisle to stop with me. Turning to him, I had accused him, "You knew this might happen. This is why you warned Diego."

"There was a possibility," he had replied sadly, but without remorse.

"Then why bring them home? Why not just let them be?" I had demanded.

Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper had all stopped and circled back round to us. They had given us the illusion of space, but they each had looked concerned. Rosalie and Emmett especially had looked nervous. None of them had ever seen us actively fight, after all.

Jasper's faux calm had touched me and I had focused on my irritation hoping he would get the message. Fortunately, seconds later I had heard a quiet, "Yes, ma'am, just trying to help," along with a gentle chuckle.

Still Carlisle had said nothing, so I had just waited looking at him, imploring him to explain himself.

When Carlisle had finally spoken he sounded defeated but resolved. "I didn't want them to be forced to fight our family. Teaching them our ways and giving them freedom from Victoria seemed to me like the best option for them and for us."

Sighing heavily I had said, "But by taking them in, we signed their death certificates."

He had looked at my hand and then looking into my eyes he had implored me, "No, that is not the case. If they had headed my warnings and stayed clear of Seattle, then they might still be alive. They were good kids who were mistakenly loyal to whom they thought they could trust, and it cost them their lives."

Jasper's options would have been to kill them or leave them alone. Carlisle wanted to save them from their fate, and perhaps he would have succeeded, if they had stayed or had, at least, believed Carlisle that it was not safe to return to Seattle. It was compassionate and charitable of him and just like him, but there was something there that I could not name. He was acting from a place that was unusual for him, and, yet at the same time, it reminded me of our first encounter with Mary. I suspected that whatever emotional change Jasper had felt from Carlisle was being demonstrated in these events. I wasn't sure if I liked it.

Eying him speculatively all I could see in his eyes was his request for me to see his choice for what it was: his attempt at helping them and protecting us. "It upsets me, Carlisle, that we might have played a part in their demise," I had told him.

"We gave them a month of games and banter and not killing humans. That must be worth something?" he had challenged me gently.

"Yes," I had agreed. "It is. Yet, it is not enough. I wish it would have ended differently."

"As do I," he had told me heartedly. "As do I," he had repeated softer than a gentle breeze.

"No more bringing them home, Carlisle, please for me. My heart cannot take it," I had pleaded my voice quieting.

"All right, my love, for you," he had agreed clearly upset by my state. "And I am sorry for the heartache this has caused you."

"I lay any heartache I feel at Victoria's feet. You were only trying to help." Then I had wrapped him in my arms.

"Am I helping or harming?" he had whispered into my ear.

"Helping," I had whispered back. "Your intensions are noble."

"I wanted a family, not a coven," he had murmured to me, "but I am afraid, and it is hard not to exert my control when it is in my grasp."

"True, but we love and respect you more for not doing so, when we know you could."

He had pulled back and had looked into my eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, absolutely certain," I had stated definitely.

Nodding, whatever uncertainty had been left on his features dissipated. He had grabbed my hand and we had started running off, as if the conversation had not happened.

Alice had spent much of the time when she wasn't hunting searching for Victoria. From their visit to Seattle, the kids had guessed that Victoria had about nine or ten newborns. Alice had seen glimpses of people being stolen off the street and corralled into a large white van. Alice had said there could have been up to sixteen people in the van. She also had confirmed that once Diego had met up with Riley she had no longer been able to see Diego's future.

"I can't say with absolute certainty that it happened, as it was fuzzy, but it looked like Victoria tore him apart piece by piece for information, while Riley held him down," she had told us.

When she had said that, I was so disgusted that I had a sensation like wanting to be sick. Carlisle had held me, while Jasper had eyed me speculatively.

Once the family had recovered some, Alice added, "I saw Bree find Fred and decide to tell him what she found out, and then there was a flash of her hiding behind him, but haven't been able to see her since."

Disbelief and grief ripped through me. Although it had been their choice to go back to Seattle, despite Carlisle's and Jasper's protests, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty for what Alice had seen had happened to them. Not to mention that I didn't want to imagine what it had been like for Alice to watch Diego's end. Given how closely Alice and Jasper had travelled together and the looks on Alice's face, I suspected that Jasper was aiding her in telling him of every detail Diego had confessed. It was horrible to realise that Jasper had suspected this might happen, and his reasoning for not wanting them to meet the Quileutes, and what he was forcing Alice to experience, so that he could better strategise. I couldn't grasp how Jasper could think in these ways and be so gentle and kind, but without doubt I was not cut out for these realities.

The other topic of conversation that had come up while we hunted had been the Volturi and if they would visit our corner of the world. As Alice had never met any of the Volturi leaders, she couldn't tell us if they were sending someone, but Jasper wanted us to plan for a yes. Unfortunately, despite Alice's efforts, she had not been able to pin Victoria's plans more definitely, which irritated her. Despite the scarcity of information Alice had relayed, Jasper appeared more prepared as we returned from our hunt.

Once we got back into range for cell service, I had a voicemail from Bella letting me know that she had gotten home safely to Charlie's and was looking forward to seeing us tomorrow, which was now today, since it was only a few hours from sunrise by the time we got home.

Overall, as we came in viewing distance of the house, I believed that the hunting trip had been successful. Other than Carlisle and my heavy exchange, I had enjoyed hunting together, even with the extended length of time it had taken. We had not yet resolved how to make amends with the Quileute protectors, although Carlisle would certainly be calling Billy Black after the sun rose.

We'd only been home a short while and began discussing strategy for the upcoming meeting with Victoria when Rosalie spat, "If that idiot ever comes home, I'm going to make him pay for having us fight his battles without him."

I looked over to Carlisle, and he shook his head.

It had been too long since we had any contact with Edward.

Carlisle and I looked at Alice as if to ask, "any chance he's going to show up?"

"Still in Brazil in his attic room best I can tell, it's really fuzzy though, like he has stopped making decisions at all," she reported.

That wasn't good, but that wasn't today's problem. And we had enough problems as it was; there was no need to borrow any.

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 _A/N: I want to thank everyone who's still with me and offers me encouragement. Your words and feedback have really made a difference. You are greatly appreciated!_


	24. They're Coming

**The credit for ponderings on the size of the Quileute pack comes from a reader of my story Cosmology Shifts.**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 21 May 18)

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 **Chapter 24: They're Coming  
**

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At eight o'clock in the morning, Carlisle rang Billy Black.

"Good morning, Mr. Black," Carlisle greeted him.

"Good morning, Carlisle," he replied his tone tense and hard.

"Thank you again for watching out for Bella and Charlie," Carlisle stated with grace and clear diplomatic intentions. "We really appreciate it."

"Well, yeah, it wasn't a bother," Billy replied clearly uncomfortable by Carlisle's attempts to charm.

"I also wanted to apologise for the antics of my sons," Carlisle told him smoothly laying on the magnetism thick. "I hope that Paul has recovered without concern."

"Yeah, he's fine," I heard Billy answered gruffly clearly being affected by Carlisle's tone and manner.

"Well, that's good to hear," Carlisle told him before taking a deliberate pause his tone changing to how he usually spoke to Billy. "In our continued cooperation, I wanted to let you know that Victoria and Riley are supposed to be arriving this coming Friday. We will meet them in the large field we took Sam to last time. We suspect that Victoria will bring at least ten of our young ones with her."

Billy suddenly was unusually quiet, as if he had even stopped breathing.

Carlisle said nothing waiting for him.

"Did you say ten?" Billy asked in disbelief letting out a puff of air.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed grieved. "As the danger to all the humans in the area is high, we would like to offer to Sam, and whomever else would like to come, the chance to observe and even participate in our training after the sun sets, assuming, of course, that the tribe chooses to have them stand with our family."

"Would you stand without the protectors?" Billy pressed his scepticism coming through clearly in his tone.

"Yes," Carlisle answered confidently, "even if it cost our family everything, we cannot allow the massacre that would inevitably result."

"Fine," I heard him huff, "I'll pass the message along."

"Thank you, Mr. Black. I sincerely appreciate all that you and the Quileute defenders have done."

"Sure, sure," he uttered unconvincingly before he hung up.

I turned to Carlisle wondering what Billy's reaction was about.

As if reading my mind, Carlisle shrugged and gave me a look that indicated that he didn't understand the reaction any more than I.

Needing to move things forward, I asked Carlisle, "Any idea what time they might show?" in order to pull him out of his thoughts.

His eyes focused on me and he uttered slightly detached, "I suppose Sam can call me. I did give Emily my number after all." Then he winked at me. "Or they'll just show up."

His attempts to lighten my mood were appreciated as I called Bella.

She told me that she had to head to work soon, but hoped to be over about four in the afternoon. Hopefully, she was unable to pick up the fear in my voice.

Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie spent the day strategizing. I listened. Carlisle would add something here and there. Alice was mostly in the future, but occasionally would say, "Won't work," then go back to her gift.

It was actually almost five in the evening when I heard Bella's truck come down the driveway. I got up and started dinner. When she walked in she greeted everyone. Emmett could be heard spinning her around the room happy to be near her again.

"Are you really okay, Emmett?" she asked concerned.

"Here look at my war wounds," he told her proudly. "They're not as cool as Jasper's, but still."

"Sorry, Emmett. I really can't see what you're talking about," admitted Bella after a few moments had passed.

"Well maybe under the lamp. Come here."

He could be heard carrying her. I could imagine Emmett trying to show her the thin lines on his thumb and wrist. Even the ones on his arm and chest could be barely seen with our eyes. Rosalie had done a fine job repairing him.

"Still no," she stated with slight disappointment.

"Maybe there's something wrong with your eyes," Emmett told her matter-of-factly. "Jasper, come here and see if she can see yours."

I could only imagine the look Jasper was wearing that matched his slow rise from the couch and then gait.

"Um, Jasper?" Bella said hesitantly and with great shyness.

"Yes, Bella?" I heard him ask cautiously.

"You look like you have bites like the one James gave me."

"They're newborn bites," he told her evenly.

There was a long pause.

"Well, I suppose this is just as a good time as any to tell you about my history," Jasper stated neutrally.

We had heard it before. It had taken him being with the family a few years before he had told it to us in entirely, and then only because he had lost a bet with Emmett. It was engaging story, despite the brutality, due to him being a skilled storyteller. Consequently, I had enjoyed listening to it, but after Diego's and Bree's deaths, all those newborns and how he misused them under Maria's direction looked more horrific somehow. It made the changes in him even more impressive. However, even more since the first time I heard the story, I was struggling to reconcile the reality of the incredible man I saw before me with the ruthless killer that had no moral compass that he described.

"No reason to do that," Emmett jested. "I haven't been able to tell her how I got my scars."

Bella could be heard moving. "Um, didn't you get them attacking Paul, even though you're both supposed to be on the same side," Bella accused him.

"Yeah, well, he had it coming. It's not like I really hurt him. Mutt's fine," he argued.

"Maybe so, Em," she agreed lightly, "but I doubt Paul sees it that way."

Jasper, Alice, and Carlisle could be heard lightly chuckling.

"I know, I know, you've got a soft spot for the mutts," he defended himself in his joking banner, "but if you're serious about becoming a Cullen, then you can't go around defending our sworn enemies."

It sounded like she was shaking her head. "That's where you're wrong. The Quileute shapeshifters aren't enemies; they are allies. They kept my dad safe for goodness sake."

"Well, they did stand watch," he grumbled good-naturally.

"See," she stated clearly pleased, "no reason mythical creatures aren't meant to get along."

He could be heard moving around her slowly. "Are you sure that Carlisle and Esme aren't your biological parents?"

The whole family chuckled, Bella included. "Yeah, Em, I've been told that's biologically impossible. I mean Carlisle's the doctor and your Dad. He could probably give you the birds and the bees talk, but I've got it on solid information that they are not."

He huffed. "Well, you sure sound just like Carlisle and Esme. We all but had one of them move in. House still sticks."

He could be heard flopping onto the couch.

"There, there, you big lug," Rosalie cooed, "don't let the measly human try and convince you that those smelly beasts should move in."

I could just imagine Emmett's look of indignation and then Rosalie's huge grin.

The shuffling of Bella's feet made me think that maybe her and Emmett's exchange had made her uncomfortable.

After a moment Emmett added, "It's alright little B. I won't stop being your big brother just because you agree with Pops."

"Unfortunately, although I disagreed how Emmett went about it, Jasper was right that we needed to make sure we appeared to be enemies," Carlisle stated morosely.

"See, little B, even Pop agrees that I did the right thing by breaking that mutt's leg," Emmett told her clearly gleeful.

"That's not what I said," Carlisle disagreed firmly.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, Pop. We all know you thought my move was genius."

I shook my head at his antics. He sure did know how to liven our family.

"So, what you think, Bella?" Jasper asked after a few moments of silence had elapsed. "Ready to hear my story. It's not pleasant, as you can probably guess from my scars."

After a few minutes she replied, "Yeah, Jasper, I'd be honoured to hear your story, but don't feel obligated. I can wait. I know we have a lot to talk about."

"Well, what our family is facing will have more context if you hear my story," he told her.

Bella turned her head.

"Jasper's right, Bella," Carlisle told her gently. "It might help you understand things more. And we have time."

"Okay," she agreed and moved to sit in her chair.

"You see, I was on my way to being the youngest General in the Confederate army," Jasper began his southern drawl coming back strong, "when I came across three women with unearthly beauty. One of them, Maria I found out later, told the other two that she wanted to keep me, so they went off and left me with her. She leaned into me slowly as if to kiss my neck, but instead I felt scorching pain, and my skin being ripped apart. The closest analogy I had at the time was a snakebite, except with venom that sheared my insides, killing me in the slowest most excruciating manner possible. I was awake as long as I could by sheer force of will. Eventually the pain was too great.

"When I next woke, Maria was talking with the other women about territory and armies. It was clear to me that I had been conscripted against my will to serve in another war. I didn't mind being a soldier really, and I had already risen to the rank of Major, so I figured I'd be useful, earn my keep, and after a few years move on with my life. At the same time, the input I was getting of greed, excitement, distrust, amongst others was overwhelming and I could not understand how I was feeling such things, since I had no reason that I could discern for these feelings.

"Before the pain even completely receded, I could smell something delicious. I was ravenous and wanted to partake on what smelled scrumptious, but the pain was too shearing to move. Instead, I waited for the pain to end, as all pain must. As soon as it did, without thought I leapt toward the scent, warning others away with a roar. With the movement I felt excitement, a sense of being pleased, and anticipation touching me. I learned later, as it was Maria's way, that three human bodies had been set aside for me. One had been cut along the wrist. This was Maria's typical way of starting a newborn into this life. Even now I can recall the complexity of that first meal. The amazing euphoria of having something that is so completely satisfactory for your body mixed with what I now know was fear, sorrow, regret, and resignation."

I brought in Bella's dinner, gave it to her, and sat down next to Carlisle.

"In Maria's army, most newborns were disposed of after their newborn strength weans, usually about the one year mark. She kept me because I was particularly useful. In her army, if we fought well and won the battle, then we were well rewarded. Women, men, children, babies, elderly, whole towns it never mattered. What mattered was the blood. Blood that satisfied the burn and filled the body with a sense of fulfillment that nothing else can match. Unfortunately that level of complete contentment was never mine to grasp. I could feel it from others, but I never experienced it myself, because these rewards of feeding that she gave me were also soured by the emotions of my victims. It was beyond irritating to know through others what feeding should feel like, but not experience it for myself."

His tone had grown dark and menacing clearly immersed in his memories in a way that he hadn't before. I wondered if that had anything to do with Edward not being here to see these events alongside Jasper, or the fact that this story was intended for Bella.

"Piece by piece all goodness that might have been in me was replaced by anger, loathing, hatred, and knowing that others feared me. The fear of others was something I prized, because it kept me safer. The more they feared me, the easier it was for me to defeat them. Not to mention that I had worked hard to generate their fear.

"The myths of vampires, of creatures that silently creep into your house in the middle of the night and take your beloved without warning, that watch you run to only catch you, that enjoy torturing you, that revel in killing your loved one before ending you just for the fun on it, anything and everything that makes humans scared about us that is written about in horror and is meant to terrify and terrorize, only begins to describe my life in Maria's army. Humans are nothing more than cattle and are treated as such with whatever activity is best for that vampire to enjoy its meal. Cattle have no rights, no basis to complain. Therefore, there's no motive to have empathy for them. Cattle are not equals. They are sustenance and therefore there is no wrong way to treat them before you take what you have fought hard and risked your life for. And each inch of earth, each battle fought is to have that feeding ground."

Bella looked ashen.

A part of me wanted to interrupt him, but we had agreed as a family to not coddle her, and it was his history to tell. I trusted Jasper, but the mother part of me wanted to protect her. Instead, I sat still saying nothing.

"There was no higher reason; there was no fight for freedom; there was no call for justice; it was nothing more than a war for the most basic of need, to sustain oneself on what is needed for survival. We would fight together as a group, but we were not a unit. There was no sense of camaraderie and the newborns were nothing more than cannon fodder meant to be dispensed with, when they grew weak. The number of lives that I've taken, human and vampire, are too great to ever count, let alone atone for.

"My gift made enjoying my reward for tearing apart the enemy difficult, but I learned that it helped a little if they were sleep. Now matter how I went about it though, it wasn't terribly different than the first time. Over time I, in part due to my gift, became Maria's most deadly weapon. She used me to strike terror in our enemies, to create the battle plan more likely to garnish success, and as the drill sergeant used to train her army, to force them into something useful, and then to disposal of them when the time came. Eventually the other two women were no longer a part of our army, I became Maria's second-in-command, and the constancy of battle became my life.

"Newborns are particularly strong, because their own human blood still lingers, but because they are new to this life they aren't skilled fighters. They bite a lot. For every bite I have, there are at least a dozen newborns dead at my hands that never came that close. I was very good at what I did. I'm a little rusty, but Victoria is no Southern Commander."

The way he told the story was jarring. I couldn't imagine how Bella was taking it. Clearly he intended to upset her and paint our kind in the worst of ways.

He smiled at her guardedly.

She looked contemplative.

"Ask your question, Bella," he encouraged his tone soft and almost brotherly.

"You make it sound like everyone, except maybe those other two women that were with Maria when she found you, were merely objects for her game. Newborn vampires used as pawns, you used like a bishop, and humans used as food to fuel her game. But you're your own person, Jasper. She didn't own you."

"She did," he answered softly as if he was, for the first time, trying to protect her from his reality.

"No," Bella retorted fervently. "You are your own person."

His face soft and compassionate, he told her, "It wasn't that long ago Bella that humans having slaves was common place. The idea that each individual is a unit unto itself is a very modern idea."

Her face fell.

"No doubt Maria was of the rich upper class when she was turned. Having slaves and others being objects for her uses and amusement isn't that far, probably, from who she was as a human. Then there is the vampire nature that fuels us. It is superior in strength and ability in comparison to humans, but more than that it is much more possessive, territorial, and instinctual. Maria believed, which is a common belief among vampires, that since her venom ran through their veins, through my veins, that she owned me, owned them. Her giving me this second life was only to fuel her agenda and anything less than that was betrayal. It's part of what make the Volturi so impressive in our world. To rule and not conquer the globe, treating other vampires, as long as the law is kept, as more or less as equals, is astounding."

"Well, what about Peter?" she questioned seeming to be arguing with him, as if trying to find a loophole in his argument. It was clear that this topic made her uncomfortable. "In Alice's story she mentioned he was your friend."

"I wouldn't have known the word friend then, but, yes, over time, Peter and I grew to be comrades-in-arms. He was another newborn that Maria let live, because with him as my second-in command our win rates grew. We worked beside each other and trusted each other on the battlefield. But he became mated to a newborn named Charlotte. Their feelings for one another were sublime in that moment, so instead of killing her when I was supposed to, I let him grab her and they ran away. Maria took more than her pound of flesh for my betrayal of her, as was her right as my creator. After a few years, Peter came back for me. When he told me that Maria had lied and that the globe wasn't covered in wars, I decided to desert. I travelled with them for a while, but then travelled on my own. My gift made being with them difficult. That was when I met Alice."

Bella's cheeks grew pink.

"Ask; it's okay," he encouraged.

"It's personal, Jasper," she protested.

"It's okay," he replied softly.

"Was Maria your mate before Alice?" she stammered out, while looking down into her bowl.

He smiled. "No, vampires only get one mate. Mine is Alice."

"Oh," she answered. Then she turned sad.

"Ask, Bella," he nearly commanded her, except his voice was too brotherly to be harsh.

Her whole face and neck was red by now. "You said that because of your gift you knew that Peter and Charlotte were mates."

"Uh-huh," he agreed giving nothing away.

By this point we were all silent and still aware, as I'm sure Jasper was, of where Bella's question was leading. Alice's eyes were focused in the present. We all wore some look of worry or concern.

"Did your gift tell you if Edward and I were mates?" she stuttered out getting softer with each word and Edward seemingly to have caught in her throat momentarily.

"Yes," he answered softly and gently.

Her eyes, covered in the substance to make tears, finally rose and met his. "Yes you knew, or yes we were mates?" she whispered then immediately her eyes went back to her bowl.

"Yes, my gift could tell me if you two had the emotional signs of becoming mates. Some would argue that a human and vampire couldn't be bonded enough to show the indications. But I disagree. Emotions are emotions, so my answer is yes, you and Edward had all the indications."

When she looked up, tears were running down her face and she was shaking her head. It looked like the bowl was going to fall out of her lap.

"How could that be?" she breathed as if the air were trapped. "How could you say that your gifts tell you that, while he tell me that he didn't love me? That he didn't want me? Where is he? What about his distractions?" by the end she was nearly hyperventilating.

Both Alice and Rosalie looked like they wanted to say something, but I gave them a stern look afraid anything they would say might make her worse. They held their tongues.

Carlisle quickly rose, took the bowl from her, and squatted down in front of her holding her hands.

"Breathe, Bella. Deep long slow breaths. That's right. Inhale. Exhale. Slow and deep."

He stayed in front of her breathing in an exaggerated fashion until her breathing was no longer worrisome.

When she opened her eyes and looked at Carlisle, she appeared bewildered.

He opened his arms and, after a few seconds of hesitation, she leaned into him. He picked her up and brought her over to me.

I moved and he put her between us. She stayed in his arms while I rubbed her back and stroked her hair.

We all sat saying nothing unsure of how to explain or comfort her.

Over a half and hour had passed when Carlisle spoke. "Are you feeling all right?"

She looked down at her hands. "No, not at all, but I'll be okay." Then she lifted her head and looked at Jasper, "Thank you for your honesty. Your story is nightmarish and honestly when you were telling it, my body wanted to vomit in horror. It's hard to stomach, Jasper, but I suppose that was your point. I'm glad you left and I'm glad you found Alice. But mostly, I'm glad that you decided to become a different person from who you used to be. Knowing your story makes who you are today even more impressive. The fact that you can go to school, have me in your home, all of it. You're an incredible man, and I'm grateful that you're here with us now."

Jasper said nothing studying her carefully.

She blew out her breath harshly. "And thanks for being honest about the mate thing. It was tough to hear, but I appreciate it."

He nodded back, but said nothing with a puzzled look on his face.

"That is very generous of you Bella," Carlisle commented. "Anything else?"

Her face took on a pink tinge.

"Ask, please Bella," Carlisle urged her.

"Well, Jasper said that most vampires see those they bite as belonging to them." She paused taking in a breath and holding it before she spoke again. "Would it make a difference who bit me then?" By the end of her question her face was even rosier.

Carlisle looked over at her his features serious. "I have never considered any of those in my family mine in that way. I do not agree with the concept of owning another. The whole idea is repulsive to me. In our family you being here with us is because we want you to be, and you want to be. There's no obligation or coercion on anyone, you included. So, no, who changes you would make no difference in our family. The only thing is that our scent includes traces of our maker. Thus, having me bite you would tell other vampires who might come across you, if you were alone, that I am your sire. In some cases that might offer you some protection, as I am fairly well known, but truly, please, Bella, know that here, with us, you are not owned. Nor, if you choose to stay human, would you be a pet, as some other vampires might believe and as Laurent told you. I meant what I said; it is your choice with no catches."

She looked down unable to make eye contact with him. "Okay," she muttered clearly uncomfortable.

"Anything else?" he asked.

She shook her head no.

"If you have questions later, please ask them. It's important that you know what many vampires are like. As much as I'm loathed to admit it, the likes of James and Maria are more common than the likes of Peter and Charlotte. Us Cullens are an enigma and a divergence that makes us a spectacle at times. By becoming a Cullen, you would neither be human nor be like our own kind. It's a strange second life, and I think you deserve fair warning of how the rest of our kind really are."

"Last year your friends visited?" she asked Jasper looking over at him as if something had just popped into her head.

"Yes, Peter and Charlotte came and visited before James' coven. They visit on occasion," Jasper replied looking at her oddly.

"They follow the rules of Carlisle about hunting people?" she asked contemplatively.

"Yes, they make sure to feed right before coming, so they wouldn't disrespect Carlisle's rules and they leave before their thirst becomes too strong," he told her.

"So Carlisle's rule makes the humans around where you live not just safe from you guys, but from others?" she pressed him.

"Accidents happen," he retorted.

"Fair enough," she came back with and then said nothing more.

We all looked uncertain about what had happened and what Bella was getting at, Jasper appearing more confused than the rest of us.

After some time had passed, Carlisle checked, "Anything else, Bella?"

She shook her head no once more.

He paused a minute and then told her, "Jasper is going to do some training with us and we have invited the Quileutes up at the field where you saw us play baseball. If you think you're up to being in that space, we would like to invite you to go with us. In order to have some sunlight to watch us, we need to leave soon.

She nodded, but clearly distracted some. "Yes, I'd like to go. Thank you for inviting me, Carlisle."

"Certainly. Would you indulge me and go change into warmer clothes? Let us know if you need anything. We most certainly would have a spare you could borrow somewhere."

"Shoes, maybe?" she contemplated. "I have on my tennis shoes and some hiking boots would be better. And maybe a heavy coat?"

I smiled. "You know," I said slowly, "I had this wonderful sales representative help me pick out some hiking boots a little while back. I have a pair not worn yet. Might they do?"

"Well, yes, that would be divine, Esme," she teased in a mock older cadence.

"Glad to be of service," I said with the cadence I used when I was a newborn learning my new role as Mrs. Cullen, wife to Dr. Cullen. "And you can borrow one of my winter coats. I'll also fetch the warmest one."

She giggled and stood up. "I should call Charlie."

"Certainly dear," I agreed.

She began walking towards to her room.

"I'll bring them to you," I let her know.

"Okay. Thanks."

She scrambled upstairs.

Going and retrieving my boots, Rosalie and Emmett began making plans of a vindictive violent nature on Bella's behalf against Jake, since he would probably be in the clearing, as payback for her injured hand. Carlisle and Jasper were refuting them, with Jasper pointing out that they could rough up the pup after Victoria was taken care of. And Carlisle pointing out that doing so would upset Bella, not to mention threaten the alliance that was being built. The conversation quickly turned to how they were going to quarter Edward and torture him slowly when he returned. Clearly, they were still upset with Bella's response to what Jasper had told her regarding her and Edward's relationship and her admitting some of what Edward had said to her. One day, I hoped she would tell me the whole story of Edward's parting words. Carlisle surprisingly wasn't trying to deter their Edward plans.

Of course, Charlie agreed for her to spend the night. He would meet her at the graduation tomorrow.

I waited until she finished with Charlie before knocking on her door.

"Enter."

Raising my hand I showed her the boots and coat, then sat down on the bed.

"Are you all right, Bella?" I asked once the door opened fully, concerned with her appearance.

"Truth?" she asked a little ashen.

"Absolute truth," I encouraged her.

"No, I'm not okay. I don't understand how what Jasper said could be true. But I will be fine."

Moving at my regular speed, forgetting to be slow for Bella, I wrapped her in a hug. "Which part?" I inquired.

"Both," she answered crying.

"I can't speak much about Jasper's life, other than to say that times have changed and vampires are not easily changeable creatures." Pausing, I assessed whether or not she was ready to hear the rest. "Regarding Edward, we don't understand his behaviour either. I do know that when he sets his mind to something, he is a stubborn mule. No one can change his mind until he's ready."

Her breathing began to hitch a little, but she didn't grab at her chest or anything of the things she used to do when I spoke of Edward. Hopefully that indicated progress.

"Is it any easier?" I asked softly.

"Yes, in the sense that I'm getting used to it. And these few months, since you all returned, have been very healing. I might never understand his choice. And my heart will always be missing the part of me that he took with him, but it no longer feels like the end of my existence. I don't know if I could have gotten to this point without you all, Esme. Thank you so much!"

I could feel her muscles tighten. She must be holding onto me tighter.

"You carry a part of my heart within you. It's good to see you healthier and happier, Bella. And you are correct. You will be all right. You have us to help you through. We are always stronger together."

"If he returned?" she asked as if she had just been punched in the gut.

"We will cross that bridge when we get to it, but nothing, not even _that_ could change things between you and me."

"I could never ask you to choose," she said with equal parts guilt and reluctance.

"Bella that would be like asking me to choose which of my children I want to die. There are no options of choosing between here. All right?" I pulled back and looked into her eyes, making sure that she heard me.

"Okay, Esme," she replied mutely.

"You ready for this?" I checked.

"No, but I'm going anyway," she replied taking a deep breath.

"My brave girl." I hugged her quick and then headed out to let her change.

When she came down Emmett went over to her. "Little bit, can I please carry you to the field?"

She grinned broadly her hands on her hips. "Okay, but you have to start and stop slower than normal and no running faster than 80 miles per hour."

It was good to see her expressing her needs like that. I was proud of her.

He pouted. "Fine," he grumbled while she smiled looking proud of herself. He knelt down, but she still was too short, so Jasper lifted her up.

"Ready?" Emmett asked her once we were outside.

"Remember the rules, Emmett," she admonished him teasingly.

He snorted. "Who do you think I am?"

She giggled. "Emmett, voted biggest class clown and prankster in all of Vampireland."

"You hear that!" he bellowed. "I got an award!"

We all chuckled at them, with Bella laughing heartily, as we began running.

Emmett did a great job with her. I dare say he was more careful with her than Edward had been when he had run her to the field to play baseball. When we got to the field, we set it up the way we had agreed, so someone was always with Bella.

When it was my turn I asked, "I don't mean to be rude, Bella. I'm genuinely curious. Can you even see anything?"

"Sometimes, when it slows down enough. Then my mind fills in what's happening with the sounds. Mostly, though, I'm simply glad to watch. And knowing Emmett has scars that my eyes couldn't even find helped me know that as long as no burning of parts is involved, I won't lose any of you."

I brought my arm around her. "I'm glad. We are quite durable, much more than you, my sweet girl, physically anyway. Emotionally, I know few stronger than you."

She blushed, but her eyes never left the field. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

As the dusk truly set, Emmett and Alice made Bella a fire. It was doubtful she could see the sparring anymore. Shortly after, Sam and some other boys came out of the trees. Once they had all emerged, I noticed one was a girl! And even more shocking, there were seven in total! They had hidden two from us all this time. Despite my astonishment, I was relieved to know that they had left two to guard their own people the other night with Riley.

Ephraim's pack had been three. I couldn't help but wonder why seven. Our family had only grown by two and were of no danger to them. Could they feel the threat from Seattle? Was there some triggering from the elders that created their numbers? They were most likely questions I would never get answers to.

Once they came into the light that the fire created, Bella noticed them, stood up, and went running over towards the pack. "Jake! What are you doing here?" she asked her excitement clear.

"We were invited," he stated with a tone of 'why else would we be here'.

She punched him lightly in the arm.

"Hey guys. Nice to see you," she told them all.

"What are you doing _here_?" Sam asked through clenched teeth.

"I was invited," she stated with the same 'why else would I be here' tone that Jacob had just used.

Sam's eyes bored holes in Bella, and I smiled proud at my daughter for sticking up for herself.

Carlisle interrupted his sparing with Rosalie and went over. When he got nearer to them he greeted them. "Sam, I'm glad you could make it."

Sam looked at Bella and then Carlisle desperately wanting to ask why she was there, but said nothing.

"Billy said something about young ones?" Sam said gruffly.

"Yes, we call them newborns. It's a time period of when we are first into this way of being. It lasts about a year. They will be strong, quicker, and faster than us, but they also aren't as skilled fighters. Jasper has lots of experience with them, and will be leading the training. Emmett is the most like a newborn in his style, so we'll start with him acting as the enemy. After we've practiced some, you are welcome to spar against us, on the condition that there are no accidents. I've already made sure my children are aware of the severe consequences they will suffer for pulling the same stunt as last time."

"It worked, right?" Sam questioned harshly.

"Yes, I suppose it did," Carlisle agreed reluctantly.

Sam shrugged, which was in direct contrast with his irate tone. "He could have killed Paul. Instead, he got hurt and healed. We're good. I just don't want any of my guys hurt again. "

"Definitely." Carlisle agreed sounding relieved. He looked at Bella. "Are you staying here with them?"

"Yes, I'd like to. Is that okay?" she asked deferring to him.

Sam and Jacob scowled at her tone.

"Certainly," he agreed adding the instruction, "If you get too cold or need to go home, ask Esme, and she'll run you back to Forks."

"Okay," she agreed easily. "Thanks Carlisle."

Bella went back to sit near the fire and few of the Quileutes joined her.

I went first against Emmett. This time I improved in dodging him not being caught by him once, but I was still having a hard time attacking him, afraid I would hurt him once more.

"Remember, Esme, just look for an opportunity," Jasper reminded me.

Emmett got me before I was able to get him, but it was the longest I had lasted.

I went and sat near Alice, while Carlisle had his turn.

"Are you all right, dear?" I asked her.

"Why can't I see when they're around?" she seethed. "I want to keep an eye on things as much as I can."

I nodded in empathy. After some thought I wondered, "Well, would now be a good time to measure how far away you need them to be?"

She smiled. "You're a genius, Esme," and jumped up.

I wanted to stay near Bella, but knew she'd be safe, and didn't like the idea of Alice venturing alone, so I went with her.

We were slowly running when Alice stopped.

"Did you find your limit?" I asked.

"Yeah, 300 yards ago," she told me matter-of-factually. "I came a bit further because I wanted to ask you something." She looked nervous.

"Go ahead," I encouraged her.

"Do you think Bella's going to hate me now?" she asked sadly. Then she looked at me with scared wide eyes.

"Why would you ask that, Alice?"

"Because she's smart. She's going to figure out that I knew about her and Edward ages ago and never told her."

"Oh." I thought about it. "She might be a little upset, but I think she'll understand why you kept that to yourself. I would suggest you talk to her about it and apologise to her about it soon, though."

Alice nodded and we headed back. I was tempted to veer off course and follow the scent of a buck that I picked up, but Carlisle would worry if I did, so re-entered the field. When I did, three of the Quileutes, the boy she had called Jake and two others in wolf form, were in the centre with Emmett. The others were in human form off to themselves almost opposite to where Bella was shivering, sitting next to Rosalie. I went and sat on the other side of Rosalie confused at why no wolves were sitting with her.

"Do you need a blanket, Bella?" I asked her instead.

"No, I'm okay," she answered, but her teeth were chattering.

One of the Quileute boys stood up and came over to us.

"Maybe I can help?" he offered.

"That's okay, Seth," Bella told him. "Go sit with the pack."

"Why? When I can sit with the pretty girls?" he asked playfully.

Bella giggled and Rosalie rolled her eyes.

Seth sat down near Bella. She snuggled herself into his chest.

"You're only doing this to rile the other's up," she chastised him.

"Damn straight. Especially Jake," he agreed.

At his name a wolf looked over at us and Emmett got his arms around him.

Emmett got off and they started again.

"You're awful, Seth," Bella noted.

"Well, someone has to make things exciting," he joshed.

Bella giggled.

It didn't take long before she fell asleep.

When Seth went to go fight, Jake took his place.

By then Rosalie had moved to sit with Alice.

"It's nice to meet you, Jake," I greeted him as soon as he sat down.

He said nothing for a long time.

"Why _is_ she here?" he finally asked in a whisper.

"She was worried about someone getting hurt. Carlisle believed that if she saw us practicing, it would help eliminate her fears," I explained to him.

He just nodded. Then after a few minutes said, "Knowing Bella that probably would help, but she'll worry some anyway."

Jake kept his eyes on the scrimmages. Some time ago, Jasper had added Rosalie to Emmett and had them fighting against four wolves. Carlisle was still assisting Jasper.

"How'd she get up here?" Jake asked after more than an hour of silence.

"Emmett carried her on his back while he ran," I replied kindly.

"She's going back with you?" he asked clearly disliking the idea.

I nodded. "That was the plan. The girls have graduation tomorrow, as you know."

"Yeah, I'll be there," he grunted.

"I'm glad," I told him genuinely. "It would mean a lot to Bella. She speaks highly of you. I wanted to thank you, Jake."

He looked at me speculatively.

"You were there for Bella when we were not. You protected her from Laurent. I will be forever grateful for all that you've done for her."

"Not grateful enough to leave her alone, though, right?" he muttered under his breath.

"She only has to say the word," I said simply.

"Yeah, I know," he grumbled. "She told me. I just don't get why she'd want you around though." He shook his head in confusion.

"Bella has a gift to see individuals in the heart of who they are, not what they are. She doesn't see vampires and shapeshifters, but who we are as people."

He said nothing else until it was his turn to go back in. They were having Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle against five wolves.

Seth came and sat with Bella.

"Hey, Momma vamp, Bella said you cooked food for us when my Dad died," he told me after positioning Bella on him.

I smiled. "Esme, Seth."

"Huh?"

"My name is Esme, over there," I pointed towards Alice, "is Alice. My husband is Carlisle. Emmett is the big one. Rosalie is his wife. Jasper is Alice's husband."

"Cool. My big sis is Leah. The ones fighting are Sam, the black one, Jake, the rust one, Paul, silver, Jared, brown, and Quil who is dark brown."

"Thank you for the introductions, and yes, I did make some food for when you're father passed. I was sorry to hear about your loss. Your tribe lost a wise elder."

"Yeah, well thanks for making it," he said quietly clearly grateful, but unsure about our conversation.

"Does your mother still need dishes?" I asked him. "I would happy to make some more. No one appreciates my cooking in my house, well except for Bella, and she eats like a bird."

He laughed. "I wouldn't say no." After a paused he added, "You're cool Momma vamp."

I smiled, assuming he was giving me a compliment. "Well, thank you Seth. I appreciate that you think so. Being over a hundred years old, I haven't been cool for a very long time."

His mouth dropped open and I could tell that Leah was trying to pretend not to listen. I bet she was a lot like Rosalie.

"You being real?" he asked his surprise evident.

"Yes," I confirmed. "I was born in 1895. Carlisle changed me in 1921."

"So, you were like 26?" he checked after pausing to think.

"Yes," I confirmed.

"It disturbs you at all that he like saw you and was like, 'that's the girl for me' and then bit you?"

I chuckled appreciating Seth's frankness and curiosity. It was refreshing.

"Actually, we met when I was 16 and I had broken my leg. He was my doctor. He left my town and doctored somewhere else. I stayed, got older, got married, and had a baby. My baby died and I was so upset that I jumped off a cliff to my death, except my plan failed, since Carlisle bit me. Without him I would have died."

"Oh, wow. Dude. He was your doctor when you were 16?"

I smiled at him telling him, "Yes."

"There's no way if one of us saw our imprint we could walk away." He shook his head. "So was it instant love once you were a bloodsucker?"

"No, because I was a newborn and I was overwhelmed. Not to mention Carlisle is a gentleman and gifted at denying himself." I smiled at the memory of those early months.

"But once you knew, you were it for each other?" he pressed.

"Since the time that we became bonded, we will never have another," I agreed.

Seth nodded wisely.

"Is Bella and Edward bonded like that?" he asked conspiratorially and so quietly I doubted the ants below us had heard him.

"The bond isn't complete, but we believe so. Why would you ask that, Seth?" I asked at the same volume.

"We all share a pack mind in wolf form, right?" he checked.

Nodding, I knew that from Edward meeting Ephraim's pack.

"So, I've seen Jake's memories of Bella. There's this one when he goes and visits her at prom. Edward and Bella have that same look that we have with our imprints. Jake doesn't see it, but I was curious."

I smiled widely. "I bet you're a very clever young man. Will Jacob see our conversation?" I wondered.

He smiled wryly. "Can you keep a secret?"

I nodded.

"I'm the best in the pack at keeping my mind on the task on hand. So the pack doesn't see much of my personal life."

I covered my mouth to hide my laughter. "You are clever!" I admonished.

He just shrugged.

"You going to do something with that brain of yours?" I asked.

"Not many options down at the res and being a wolf and all," he told me with disappointment. "Who knows?" he added with optimism.

"Can I ask a secret?" I checked.

He looked at me dubiously, but nodded. "If we set up a scholarship fund or built a school or something like that for kids on the res, do you think the elders would take it?"

"Take blood money?" He shook his head. "They'd be fools not to, but they might let their pride get in the way. Aren't you guys like master liars? Couldn't you make up some agency or government crap thing instead?"

I chuckled. "Are you suggesting we _lie_?" I asked unable to hold back my laughter.

"Depends on whether you care about it being done or getting the credit, like the food. Bella just gave it to my mom. She never said she made it, but it didn't taste like the food Bella makes. I did some math and guessed it was you."

"You're a good kid, Seth. You're an honour to your tribe." I raised my voice to a more regular human volume. "You're a Clearwater, right?"

"Yes, ma'am," he answered strongly and clearly.

"I don't think I met your ancestor, then, when we lived here the first time."

"No, my great-grandfather wasn't a wolf," he agreed.

"Incredible that you are then," I mused.

"I guess," he answered non-committedly.

"You don't like it?" I wondered quieting my voice once more in case he would deem it a personal question.

"I don't mind," he said nonchalantly his tone hushed, "but Leah hates the whole thing," he added sadly.

"I see," I told him, unsure of what else to say before adding at a normal human tone, "either way you serve your family and tribe well."

"Thank you Mrs. Cullen."

"You're welcome, dear."

We sat together and watched. I thought about Rosalie's comment about me being the ambassador. Maybe Seth was theirs.

It was about an hour from sunrise when Carlisle ended the training.

Sam and Carlisle agreed to practice more tomorrow. Carlisle let Sam know, due to the graduation, that it would be closer to 1am.

I carried Bella back and laid her down in her bed when we got home. All of us went to shower, change, and spend time with our spouses.

Rosalie and Emmett had left the house together, as had Alice and Jasper.

Carlisle and I simply laid with each other for a few hours saying nothing, holding onto the other tightly.

After Bella's breakfast, Alice returned, and the two of them spent the rest of the day together before it was time to get ready.

With it being just the two of them, Alice took the opportunity to apologise.

"What for?" Bella asked clearly confused.

"For not being able to stop the family from leaving, even though I was fairly certain of what you meant to Edward, and him to you" she clarified.

"What else were you to do, Alice?" Bella asked sounding befuddled. "They're your family."

"Jasper and I could have stayed behind," she said her tone conflicted.

"You would have disregarded the family's vote?" Bella checked.

"We didn't want to. That's why we went. And I was convinced that it would only be a few weeks until Edward returned."

Long minutes passed before Bella spoke again. "You're forgiven Alice. You tried your best. Water under the bridge, okay?"

"Okay," Alice agreed easily. "Thanks."

There were sounds as if they had hugged.

Rosalie and Emmett returned about an hour before we needed to leave for the ceremony.

When Bella came down, she was breathtaking. As I took a photo of the two of them to preserve Bella's memories in case during her transition she lost this one, I couldn't help but think that Edward would regret not being here for this moment. I was glad that we had moved back so that I was able to be. Maybe one day when he returned, he would see it in my memory. More than Edward, though, I wanted to preserve this accomplishment for Bella's sake.

Bella travelled with the kids, and Carlisle drove the two of us to the school. As soon as we arrived, Bella went to find Charlie and then her spot. The graduation was no different than the dozens of others I've gone to, except of how proud of Bella I was.

"She really has come a long way," I humanly whispered to Carlisle while names were being called.

"We were right to come back. It's done her a world of good," Carlisle whispered back in the same tone.

"Yes, it did," I agreed.

"You were right, my love, we shouldn't have left," he admitted. Then his tone changed the slightest amount as he told me, "Chasing money wasn't worth the cost."

"No, it wasn't," I agreed, "but having Bella as a friend really has done our Alice the world of good," I added, since a number of the humans around us had become more interested in us than in the proceedings.

He simply nodded and placed my hand in his.

After the ceremony, Charlie wanted to take Bella out, so we went home and got ready for the graduation party.

A few hours later, Charlie dropped Bella off at the house. She went inside to find Alice. I stopped Charlie before he could drive off.

"Charlie, I know the graduation was just today, but I was hoping to talk to you about college in September."

"Sure," he agreed although he looked uncomfortable.

"I assume that Bella has told you that Alice wants to go where Bella goes to college," I started.

"She mentioned that," he agreed stiffly.

"Well, Alice isn't a dorm person and neither is Bella. Carlisle and I are thinking about renting, or perhaps even buying, a house for the girls, nearby whichever school they ultimately decide. It's also possible that Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper might choose to join them. None of them have decided. If that happens, we would get something big enough for all five of them. But before we do anything, I wanted to check in with you."

"Well," he said after hesitating for a moment, "I'd rather Bella live with Alice than in a dorm with some stranger as a roommate, but I don't know how I feel about the boys and girls having a place together without supervision." His tone was contemplative and reserved.

"I could understand that. From our perspective, since Rosalie and Emmett as well as Alice and Jasper are already couples and have always behaved appropriately around us and around Bella, we believe they would behave just as well in the future. At the same time, your opinion as her father matters, and Carlisle and I are happy to first and foremost make sure it works for Bella." My earnest statement hadn't seemed to frighten him away yet. Nevertheless, I added, "Why don't you talk to Bella and let me know in the next week or two?" I offered.

"Sure, Esme, will do," he agreed roughly.

"Thanks Charlie," I told him sincerely, grateful at how well he shared her with us.

I would just have to hope that by the time Charlie made a decision our family had reached an agreement about moving.

We talked about a few other things until a vanload of kids arrived. As it ventured close to the house, it was obvious that Charlie was ready to leave.

"Thanks again, Charlie, for sharing her so much. She is a delight. Our home isn't the same when she isn't here."

Grunting, he said nothing, but nodded and then got in his car.

Some of the wolves showed up for the party just as Charlie drove away.

Shortly after the wolves' arrival, Carlisle and I retreated and acted like hormonal teenagers in his office, enjoying leaving our kids to mind the humans. Neither of us had intended to be physical, but between having such little time together, having no idea when we would have time alone again, the impending battle, and the comfort we had given the other earlier, it seemed to pour out of us. It was as if it was a communication of assurance.

As I wrapped myself into his arms, I wasn't sure I had enough faith to get me through what lay ahead, but I hoped, beyond reason, that when the confrontation with Victoria was over that we would still be standing together. I had never wished for someone's death, not even Charles', as much as I had wished to have Victoria's head unattached from her body. Jasper had pointed out, and Carlisle had agreed, that we would have to end Riley also, since he was likely to re-start the cycle as much as Victoria was. Apart from the fear of the unknown, details, and strategies, I had to wonder what our peaceful, non-aggressive version of being a Cullen had turned into. These events with Victoria were remaking us, and I wasn't certain I liked this version of us. Unfortunately, if we wanted to survive, it seemed that we had little choice other than to figure out those things after this war was ended. I just hoped that we would recognise ourselves by the time that the dust settled.

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 _A/N: Thanks for all the support! I look forward to hearing your thoughts about the chapter and story generally._


	25. Losing Bella

**Carlisle working a far distance from their home so that him and Esme would not move in 1930,** ** **as does Esme prior meeting of Volturi guard members,** comes from Jessica314's story _Tale of Years:1927_ here on FF  
**

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 6 June 18)

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 **Chapter 25: Losing Bella**

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It was a joy that our family was able to host so many young humans in such tight quarters, not to mention the Quileutes that had joined in. Despite the tension in the air, we did have a lot to celebrate. Bella had graduated from high school; she was getting healthier, speaking up for herself, and growing up in a manner befitting her. Rosalie was changing, which was a miracle in itself, along with the rest of us. Carlisle and my marriage was healing and growing in strength. Our family was changing for the better, in my opinion. Even knowing all this, and even while enjoying my husband's skin wrapped around mine, I could not shake the sense of impending doom.

"Must we face the world?" I asked Carlisle my head buried in his chest, as I listened to the conversations and noises of our celebrators.

"No," he said into my hair. If were possible, I would say he sounded exhausted.

Smiling at his answer, I said playfully, "Well, then shall we continue to behave as teenagers and avoid things. We could even run away."

He frowned as if my words had triggered something inside of him. "Despite all our preparations and Jasper's contingencies, there is a small chance that Edward would return to find that something had happened to us. He would inevitably feel guilty and blame himself. He might even pick a fight with the wolves. We are all tied together, Esme, and now Bella is included in that. She is so fragile. Anything goes wrong, the smallest margin of error, there's a good chance she will get injured. And if we lose her …" he petered off as if he was unable to even voice the words.

Squeezing him tighter, I struggled to manage my strength, so that I didn't accidently create cracks in his skin. Internally, I tried to remind myself that we were choosing to live by faith and trust. We needed to get up off the floor, put on our clothes, and face what the future held, whether we all survived or not. Instead we kissed and reminded each other of the love that we shared.

When the clock chimed midnight, Carlisle and I decided that the time had come when we must face the world. We played the role of mean parents, and sent the human revellers home. Once all the human children were accounted for and in vehicles returning to their residences, we ran to the field, with the wolves that had been at the house travelling beside us. We practiced against one another using scenarios that Jasper had imagined could involve Victoria and Riley. It was much more challenging in terms of what to consider than pretending Emmett was a newborn. All of us ready for a break, not mention our need to make sure the human authorities went about things as usual, we dispersed a little before sunrise.

Tucking Bella into bed, I reflected on what a gift it was to have her in my life. Through my second life there had been moments when I wondered what it would have been like to watch my son grown up. Strangely, in those moments, I often thought about small inconsequential things like making him dinner or putting him into bed at night. Bella, in a small way, had given me the opportunities to do those things.

As I stood at the end of her bed watching her sleep, I felt these unfulfilled wishes and longings leave me. Without even meaning to, she had given me the chance to act out those unspoken desires. With each breath that brought her scent into me, I concluded that these wants were nothing more than a fantasy. In a way, they were an attempt to articulate my grief of what could have been. But that dream died along with my humanity, and another life was birthed in its place. I had witnessed over a hundred years pass. I had a family who loved me and who were willing to stand against an enemy together. What more could I ask for? Letting go of previous thoughts regarding how limited my chances to do these things for her were, I let out a breath, smiled at myself in gratitude, and turned and left.

When I went downstairs to listen into the latest strategies, Jasper looked up at me and smiled warmly. Smiling back, I allowed the feelings I had in Bella's room to radiate from me. He closed his eyes for a second, looking like he was basking in the sun, before opening them again to argue with Emmett about why what had just been said was a terrible idea.

Looking around the room, a deep awareness came into me. Even if Bella chose to stay human, I was blessed with the family I had. If we were to lose her, I would never be quite the same and my heart would break from the loss. Yet, just like my infant son, life would move on, and with enough years, hopefully, I would come to a place of being grateful she had been in my life, being appreciative for the gifts she gave me, and feeling blessed. Consequently, all this fear of loss that I had been holding onto wasn't serving me, and I decided to try letting it go.

The kids talked about strategies until Bella woke up.

After Bella finished breakfast, we talked about schools,each of us seeming to need to focus on the future as a form of tangible hope .

"What's wrong with Central or Western, Rosalie?" Bella asked after Rosalie had ranted, not much differently than when I had told the family what Bella had been thinking regarding colleges.

"They are _state_ schools," she retorted haughtily.

"So, you would never consider the University of California, Berkley?" Bella questioned Rosalie.

"That's different," was Rosalie's response.

"How so?" Bella pressed while having a combination of fear and genuine curiosity on her face.

"One, sunnier. Two, it is Berkley."

"Is there not a programme at either school that you want to study?" Bella checked.

"That's not it," Rosalie retorted.

"Then what, Rosalie?" Bella asked sounding truly confused. "In ten years from now we're going to have this conversation again. I've already agreed that when that conversation happens I will not make a request and will go wherever everyone else decides. These are my last human years. In four to five years we're going to fake my death or disappearance or something. I want to spend them close enough to Charlie that I can see him once a month, maybe more.

"I like the schools in Seattle and Portland more actually, but we ruled them out because wildlife isn't as plentiful, and they contain a greater likelihood to have unfriendly visitors, which we want to avoid. Central has hunting grounds to the west of the school. It's not in a big city, but it's sunnier than Western. Western is cloudier, but hunting grounds are further away. It's a compromise. I know it's not Harvard or Dartmouth or Oxford or Yale, but it's the best we got that meets everyone's needs."

"Fine," Rosalie fumed.

"In that case, what is the vote for Western?" Carlisle asked clearly relieved that we'd moved passed the deadlock.

Bella put her hand up, as did Alice and Jasper.

"Fine, they're both as ratty as the other one anyway," Rosalie mocked.

"It's settled then," Carlisle stated before Bella could say anything, knowing this was Rosalie's way of trying to get in the last word. She hated not getting her way, but I was proud of her for allowing Bella's words to penetrate. "We'll begin looking for housing big enough for all of us. I'm thinking of staying and working at Forks Memorial. Objections?" Carlisle asked, hiding his pride in Bella standing up to Rosalie, even though I could see it in his shoulders and corners of his eyes.

"Me," I said. "I don't want our family split and you far away."

"I could find a position closer to Western, but I'm likely to meet people who already know me. The cover story is simpler if you and I stay in Forks while our children go to Western."

"Yeah, Mom, most kids go off to college without their parents. Are you a helicopter parent now?" Emmett teased.

I looked at him puzzled.

"I read it on the internet. It's a parent who always hovers nearby," he explained shrugging clearly not really understanding what he was talking about.

Bella giggled and everyone else just looked mystified.

"You would commute every night?" I asked Carlisle wanting to get back on topic.

"Most likely, unless you came to Forks and we stayed there a night or so." He grabbed my hand. "We've done this before."

Nodding, I was certain that we were both thinking of the last two years before Edward's return, where Carlisle travelled hundred of miles for work, so that we could try and stay in the house, in the hope that he would seek us out. And he had. Despite modern technology, I had to wonder if there was a part of Carlisle wanting to be in Forks in case Edward repeat that pattern and once more return to the place he had last known us to be. I couldn't object to this part of Carlisle.

Nodding in resignation and giving him a serious look I told him, "If that's what's best. It's only for a few years, anyway."

He kissed my forehead and I knew that the messages we each had been sending to the other had been received.

Bella frowned clearly deep in thought, but said nothing.

We were just about finishing up the details when I heard a truck coming up the drive.

In it was Charlie.

We all walked outside to admire the truck Rosalie and Charlie had picked out. Charlie hadn't wanted anything terribly high end, and Rosalie made sure it would handle well. Bella opened her mouth when Charlie stepped out.

"Happy graduation!" we all yelled at a human volume, Charlie included.

"No, no, no," Bella stuttered her mouth wide open in utter surprise and disbelief.

"Yes, Bella," Charlie told her sternly. "I know you love your old truck, but it won't be reliable for traveling those miles from college to here. This is better. It's got the top safety rating for a truck. It gets twenty-one miles per gallon. Anyway," Charlie began to stammer, "it's from all of us, your mom included. Happy graduation. We're proud of you."

Bella hugged Charlie her eyes watery and said nothing.

When she pulled back she looked at us all. "Hey, Rosalie, want to take her for a spin?" she asked shying clearly trying to mend things.

Rosalie tried to hold in her smile, but failed.

"Bella first," Charlie demanded.

"I'll drive it out, then I'll let Rosalie drive her back," Bella offered clearly trying to appease her Dad and Rosalie.

"Fine," Charlie muttered.

"You're going to modify it, aren't you?" Bella asked Rosalie as they began pulling down the drive.

"First chance I get," Rosalie said firmly clearly excited. "Who knows when you might want to drive faster than a vampire?" she joked.

"Couldn't hurt," Bella agreed.

"Better safe than sorry," Rosalie put in.

"With my luck, have at it," Bella agreed. "Just remember that I'm human and if I crash at 200 miles an hour the safety features built in might not protect me."

"Duly noted," Rosalie stated in a serious tone. "Do you want a different colour?" she asked after a moment's pause.

"Why?" Bella asked shocked.

"We could always re-paint it or decal it," Rosalie stated as if those things were easy. They were to her, I knew. "Up to you," she added clearly trying not to pressure Bella, which seemed to be representative of the changes in Rosalie.

"Give me some ideas," Bella agreed.

Rosalie started describing different things they could do and their voices faded too far away for my hearing.

It pleased me to no end to see them finding a way to bond.

By the time the sun rose on Thursday, we were still not ready for the impending confrontation with Victoria. We had gone out as a family and hunted after some practicing Wednesday evening. Emmett tried to break us out of our gloomy mood, but my thoughts always returned to our deadline. I knew Jasper had trained us as well as he could. Not to mention that we had contingency plans for our contingency plans. The truth was that we couldn't prepare for everything. We had to just hope that we were prepared enough, and that our love for one another would carry us through.

In one of our early family discussions calling the Denali's was suggested. Jasper, mostly, but Emmett some, argued the strategic advantage of asking them to come to our aid.

"I understand from a strategy perspective the advantage of having more of us to fight. However, for me, I don't like the idea of having them come and risk themselves for us. Also, since Alice believes there being a good chance of the Volturi showing up, it wouldn't be right to put their family in that position, presuming the Volturi found out about Bella. Eleazar might be comfortable with whomever would be sent, but I doubt the girls would ever want to see one of the guards for the rest of their existence," I had put in.

"If a contingent from the Volturi were sent, it is highly unlikely that one of the three leaders would come, which meant that the contingent would most likely follow the letter of the law," Rosalie had pointed out.

"It would not be right of us to put the Denali's at risk like that," I had argued, "especially, since it had seemed from our visit with them in September, that they are unaware of Bella, despite Laurent living with them."

"Having them come would give us an advantage," Jasper had added. "However, I have to concede Carlisle's point that with the wolves being there, adding extra vampires might increase tensions when we were just beginning to trust each other enough to fight side by side. Five additional vampires or seven mutts," he mused, "although I doubt we could keep the dogs out if we tried."

"It also exposes the Denali's to the werewolves," I had pointed out.

"We told them about the wolves long ago," Emmett had interjected.

"Yes, but they still are under the impression that the wolves died out," I had thrown in. "At the same time, I will agree to call them if their presence is truly needed rather than only convenient."

"The problem is that I can't see the outcome, even though we've decided because the wolves get in the way and Victoria is too flighty. I can see us there, and newborns look possible, but after that my visions are little help," Alice had told us all clear distraught.

There were a few moments of silence before Carlisle had spoken. "Jasper, I can agree that there would be an advantage in inviting them. However, that invitation comes with risks. We risk them finding out about the nature of our exposure to Bella and about the re-emergence of the wolves. They are trustworthy and these risks alone are not sufficient reasons to not call them. If they were in trouble, we would want to know.

"At the same time, the risk of them being hurt by the wolves or the displeasure of our choices in relation to Bella is something to consider. However, I believe that also to be a risk they should choose. I suggest we explain about Victoria and her newborns without adding more."

We had agreed with Carlisle's approach regarding the Denali's eventually, Jasper the most reluctantly, as he saw it as militarily weak, which was probably true. The issue was that we were family and not a military unit.

The part of preparations I struggled with the most was when we told Bella the plan.

"So, we all are going to the field to meet up with Riley and Victoria and you want to _sedate me_?" She had said the last two words through clenched teeth and her hands were in balls. She had appeared livid with Carlisle.

"It's for everyone's safety. The human body's reaction to fear increases the desire to hunt for a blood-drinker. It will make them want you even more, and we need them to have cool heads. The only way I know to bring you with us and have you completely calm is to sedate you," he had explained evenly for the third time.

"You can't give me something that would stop those responses while I stay awake?" she had asked begging him.

"If I could safely, I would have offered it," Carlisle had repeated.

"I _hate_ this!" she had fumed.

"If there were any another option, Bella, I wouldn't be asking this of you," Carlisle had told her. "I'm sorry."

She had nodded silently and tears had dropped. "The whole thing will happen while I'm asleep."

"For our safety and well as your own, this is what we need you to do. This is how you will contribute to the family's greatest chance of survival," he had told her reemphasizing this point.

Eventually, she had reluctantly relented.

Carlisle was almost as upset about having to ask Bella as Bella was in agreeing, but after many heated discussions alongside the kids, nothing else was as likely to keep things in our favour. The blow that caused Carlisle to relent had come from Alice.

"Remember what she did in Phoenix. You know she's my best friend, but she has a tendency to be self-sacrificing. We can't afford the smallest error. Anyway, it's a moot point because the slight images from my visions that I have received suggest that every option with Bella awake doesn't end well for us. We stand a far better chance with her sedated."

It was hard on Carlisle to ask Bella to do something that he himself was struggling to accept, but that was one of the best things about Carlisle. Once he made a decision or agreed to one, the rest of the family would never see anything less than a total commitment to that end. I was the one that he allowed to see his doubts and worries and insecurities. We had no extended time during the week for us a couple after the party, but his struggles were evident in the few private moments we had shared.

"I'm just afraid, so afraid," he had confessed as we had showered.

"This time you have more than just you as a guide. We have to listen to the wisdom we've been given through others. It's not ideal, but it is what seems best right now," I had told him attempting to assure him.

He had nodded and had wrapped his arms around me as the water cascaded around us leaving too much unsaid.

The conversation with Tanya had not gone well. Evidently, despite Eleazar's acceptance of Laurent's end, Irina hadn't been so gracious, and wanted retribution on the Quileutes in exchange for their support. Carlisle had to explain gently, using all his skills as a diplomat, that we could not condone that action when the wolves had been protecting a human from dying for Laurent's thirst. Unfortunately, the conversation was left at stalemate with Tanya reluctantly admitting that as things stood we were on our own.

At three in the early morning of Friday, we stood in the living room together silently, Bella standing next to me tucked under my arm. The time had come. We could do no more. When we couldn't spare a minute longer, Carlisle looked at Bella and moved towards the medical room. She followed, dragging her feet. I had offered to go with her, but Carlisle pointed out the shot would draw blood, so I waited with everyone else. Instead, I imagined the unspoken communication that passed between them as I heard him take out the shot and the shifting of Bella's clothes. There were other noises I couldn't place before I heard him tidying up. When he brought her out, I could smell dried blood and a cleaning solution.

"I'll carry her," Carlisle insisted.

We all understood his request and so silently acquiesced.

Running to the field with Carlisle slightly ahead of us, we had arrived before them. We had planned it as such. We faced east towards Seattle Carlisle in front, Bella lay out on the grass in front of him, me on his right, Jasper and Alice on my right, and Rosalie and Emmett on Carlisle's left in a tight and slight V.

What I wouldn't have given to have Edward with us. In the midst of everything this week Alice had informed us that she believed something had changed with Edward. The fuzziness was waning. But we didn't know what that meant yet.

Reminiscent of the last time Victoria had been in their field, Carlisle and Emmett stilled and, as one, we did as well.

"Riley wasn't lying," Victoria cackled as she entered the field, stopping not far from the tree line.

Riley was on her right slightly behind her.

"We kept our word. We brought her. Are you willing to accept our terms?" Carlisle asked his voice firm.

"I leave your _family,_ " she spate the word, "alone and stop making newborns and in exchange what? Even though I had Riley repeat what you said multiple times I couldn't manage to grasp what you were actually offering except to show up here with her. Are you becoming to new Volturi now? You are going to dictate what I can and cannot do in exchange for nothing?"

"We simply wish to be left in peace," he stated.

"Then hand over your _pet_ ," Victoria sneered, "and we will leave."

"What assurances do we have that after we hand her over that we won't be waiting for your next attack, Victoria?" he asked.

"What assurances do I have that you won't track me down and kill me like you did James and Laurent?" she retorted.

"You and James came after us," he reminded her. "We defended ourselves. Laurent was about to drain a human in our territory. We had already made it clear about that. If you leave us alone, we will leave you alone."

"Hand over your pet, and we will leave the field," she demanded shrilly. "Then, I will consider the debt you owe me paid," she offered.

"How do you suggest we do that?" he queried, the slightest movement of his shoulder showing, indicating that he had concluded that his words would not get through to her.

"Riley will come out half-way, you do the same with one of your _family_ members carrying the girl. She is handed over and we all leave," Victoria explained as if this was all very obvious.

Fortunately, this was a possibility that we had discussed and already decided how we would respond.

Carlisle looked over to Jasper and nodded.

Jasper stepped forward and at a human pace moved until he had placed himself in front of us all less than a foot from where Bella lay. He turned his back on Riley and Victoria and faced Carlisle. At the same pace that Jasper had moved, Carlisle picked up Bella and handed her to Jasper. A silent communication passed between them. Due to my proximity near Carlisle I could pick up the slightest wisp of Jasper's gift sending out assurance and comfort. Then Jasper squared his shoulders, turned facing them, and walked in a human military precession style toward the direction Victoria had indicated. He was about halfway to the exchange point when in the distance we heard two quick sharp howls. I saw the muscles in Jasper's back move with tension, but otherwise he continued as if the sound wasn't there.

Seconds later we heard the gnashing of teeth and the disturbance of the forest that could only come from newborns. Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett turned so that their backs were to Carlisle and I, closing in and the five of us making a loose circle.

"Four minimum," Alice breathed so quietly I had to wonder if she had spoken at all.

Seconds later Jasper was three-fourths of the way to the exchange point when the newborns could be heard breaking through the tree line heading our way. Victoria grinned broadly and menacingly. It reminded me of the Joker from the Batman movies the boys like.

Despite the noise, Jasper kept moving with the same precision, although I did see him stiffen slightly.

The newborns were upon us before Jasper reached his destination.

Alice moved out of the way of the first one, while Emmett moved slightly right and then took the arms off. Rosalie stepped around the one that had gone for Alice and removed an arm and then moved to help Emmett. Carlisle was circling the second one that Rosalie had removed an arm from. A third went passed Alice and I bolted after it, tackling it around the waist before getting up on my feet quickly. A fourth moved past me heading for Jasper.

Just as Jasper had taught me, I focused on the newborn in front me. We circled each other. I waited, as Jasper had drilled into me, for my opening. When it came, I took off a wrist distracting the newborn and soon after, with regret, I removed its head. I left the scattered remains and ran back to the kids.

"Two more," Alice spoke clearly.

It was only then that I noticed that Riley, Victoria, Carlisle, Jasper, and Bella were missing.

I didn't have time to ask questions before two newborns crossed the treeline heading directly towards us. One tried to pass us on the left, while the other attempted the right.

Rosalie and Emmett took the one on the right, while Alice and I took the one on the left.

I was so grateful Jasper had forced us to practice in teams like this. Neither Alice nor I were as skilled in offense, but we both knew to be patient. When an opening arose Alice had one arm off and I had the other. It took one more second to remove the head.

A part of me wanted to run away or crawl into a ball, but Jasper's words reminding me to not stop until everyone was safe, pushing me to continue on.

Rosalie and Emmett were already collecting pieces. I went to get the newborn parts that I had separated earlier. Once Alice was confident nothing was left behind, we lit a match and ran in the direction of Jasper's and Carlisle's scents.

Before long we came to a river.

"We jump," Alice insisted.

We all followed her and picked up the scents on the other side. In the midst of my arch over the river, I heard one long howl.

I had never run so hard before. My heart ached for my husband, but most of all for Bella. Our worst-case scenario had been realized.

Before Carlisle had requested Bella permission for us to sedate her, he had explained the other way he wanted her to help.

"We are fairly certain, you see Bella, that Victoria will bring newborns to distract us. What we want you to do is walk through the forest starting where we believe they are most likely to be coming from. This will insure they aren't accidently distracted and head towards Forks. It also means that your scent will lead them to the Quileutes who will be laying in wait. We estimate for there to be around ten newborns, which they expect that they can handle."

"How do I lay a trail?" she had asked.

"You walk it," he had stated.

"That's it?" she had questioned.

"That's it," he had confirmed.

Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett had reported, when they brought her back Thursday afternoon, that she had fallen and insisted on them staying away while she used her blood to add to the trail.

"It will certainly get their attention," Jasper had stated unhappily.

Displeased or not, I was proud of his resistance to her blood and how he had handled himself, and Bella was beaming. She seemed happy that she could do this part.

Jake had an idea to set up a signalling system with Sam. Different howls would mean different things. The two short howls had meant that some had slipped by. The one long howl meant that they found no more newborns and were heading back to La Push and Forks. They would keep the rest of the humans safe, Charlie included.

That meant that the humans were safe bar Bella, which was the possibility Jasper had the least preparations for, since there were simply too many variables. We had all agreed that no matter what we needed to ensure that Victoria did not leave the field with Bella. Although I was grateful that the Forks' townspeople and Quileutes were safe, none of them mattered to me like Bella. As we came upon Jasper and Carlisle ahead, they were obviously searching for something, and my fears increased ten-fold. If they were searching, then not only did Victoria have Bella, but they had lost Victoria. So as to not succumb to my terror, I kept reminding myself that we just had to find her before her heart stopped and she couldn't be turned.

"They were in the trees, and then they just disappeared. We heard the click of metal. We think Victoria constructed a tunnel of some kind with a door. We can't find it," Carlisle informed us more flustered than I had ever heard him before.

The four of us immediately began searching alongside Carlisle and Jasper.

"Here," said Jasper seconds later as he moved piles and piles of twigs and bracken and earth.

It took Emmett and Jasper working together to open the door, and one by one we started into the tunnel.

"Stop!" Alice bellowed. "Run back!" she screamed.

Rosalie, then I, then Alice, then Emmett, then Carlisle, then Jasper ran in the direction that we had just come from. Emmett had just come out of the hole when there was an explosion and the earth collapsed. We started digging–Alice and I frantically. We found our mates, but in a poor condition.

All the hair on Jasper's back was singed, and he was covered in soot and ash and dirt. Carlisle was physically in better shape, but he had turned to stone and his eyes looked absent.

I held his face in my hands. "Carlisle? Carlisle? Talk to me, love, please." Holding him close, I whispered into his ear, "Love of my life, I need you, your family needs you. We have a daughter to save. Please come back to me." His fingers twitched inside mine. "That's right. Come back to me," I pleaded.

After a few more long minutes, he blinked.

I kissed him deeply and pulled him tightly into me.

"I have failed you," he uttered.

"It's not your fault," I assured him. "We'll get her back."

I looked over at Jasper.

"Victoria could be anywhere," he said defeated.

Alice was stone focusing with all of her strength on finding Victoria, which was a shot in the dark, given Alice's inability to see Victoria clearly.

"I'm sorry," Carlisle said sounding disgraced.

I looked at him. There was something in his eyes that I had never seen before. He was ashamed.

"What are you sorry for, Carlisle?" I asked slowly, unsure if I wanted to hear the answer.

He looked at me pleading for forgiveness.

I nodded. Whatever it was, I could forgive him. We would fix it together.

"I'm sorry," he repeated this time looking at each of us.

He had each of our attention. He looked at Alice begging for forgiveness.

"I made a last minute choice," he said slowly.

She gasped and stared at him. "You didn't," she uttered in complete shock.

"I had been considering the possibility, ever since we met with Riley, but dared not mention it, as doing so implied that I wasn't confident in our ability to keep her safe. My action betrays how we function, and how I've always tried to lead our family. I admit that I acted out of fear. I sincerely apologise to you all, but most of all I owe Bella an apology."

"What did you do?" Rosalie asked through clenched teeth, Emmett holding her in a firm grasp.

"I put a GPS tracking device into Bella's hip," he admitted, "right after I administered her shot."

We all froze in shock, except Alice who was searching the future.

"I'm sorry," he repeated once again.

I threw myself at him and began kissing him all over his face and neck. "You silly wonderful man," I muttered.

"So, how do we track it," asked Emmett eagerly.

Carlisle pulled out a device from his pocket.

"We'll talk about this later, mister," Alice shook her finger at him while Carlisle handed it over to Jasper.

"This way," Jasper ordered.

Carlisle was right. He did betray us, and most of all he betrayed Bella. How could we trust that our decisions were made corporately and everything was discussed openly if he acted rogue? Trust was betrayed, but right now I couldn't find it in me to care. I would deal with him after Bella was safe.

When we came across a cabin I immediately caught the scent of human blood.

"She's bleeding," I stated quickly and quietly.

We all stopped.

"I handled it with James, and when she laid the trail," Jasper stated. "I'll be fine."

Emmett and Alice agreed with Jasper that they too could handle things.

"I'm fine," Rosalie stated unequivocally.

"So, are we just rushing in?" I asked.

"Rosalie and Esme, you get Riley. Carlisle you get Bella. Alice and Emmett with me," Jasper barked.

No one objected. A second later we ran towards the cabin as quietly as we could.

I heard Bella moan and quietly plead, "Victoria, please stop. Don't you understand, he left me, he left his family."

"I don't care what you say, _human_. He is responsible for James' and Laurent's deaths. Your precious vampires are dead. I made sure that they were nothing but ash. You are responsible for James' end, and I can be patient. Eventually your precious Edward will come and I will end him too. And if you're right, then I have you as a poor concession. Months, even years I could feed off of you like this. You have forgotten your place. A cow doesn't belong in the house, it belongs in the shed were it is milked until it has no other value than to be butchered for its meat. Cry, whine, complain, yell, lie I don't care. It doesn't change facts, and the fact is you are my cow and I am going to do whatever I want with you."

I heard Victoria utter, "It couldn't be," right before we launched ourselves into the cabin through the doors and windows. Rosalie had Riley by the arm. He moved towards her while I twisted his arm off. His teeth could be heard scratching along the top of Rosalie's hand. She growled, but held on to him.

Then Rosalie moved backwards pulling Riley arm away from his body while I lunged, and with the precision Jasper had taught bit into his neck and tore his head off.

I looked up to see Victoria circled by Jasper, Alice, and Emmett with a look between fury and the terror of a wild animal caged. Every move she made they matched it. She often looked up, but I suspect that she calculated they would catch her feet before she made it out of the roof. I went over and joined the circle between Alice and Emmett.

Rosalie tended to her hand and continued to separate Riley.

The blood in the air appeared to be getting to Victoria. It looked like she had slit Bella's wrist and had been feeding some. I could only imagine that everything inside of Victoria wanted more of the blood so close, yet so far out of reach.

Carlisle tore clothing and, from the sounds, I suspected that he was wrapping Bella's wrist. "Shush, Bella, it's okay," Carlisle cooed. "We're here. We'll all fine. Victoria lied. That's okay you're tired. You've lost a lot of blood. Sleep now."

Rosalie joined the circle around Victoria. Jasper looked at each of us and we moved back leaving him and Victoria inside our circle.

She feigned right, Jasper moved slightly to the left.

She crouched as if to spring, Jasper matched her.

They danced like this, measuring each other, matching each other until without warning Jasper darted forward over her head, slit her throat with his teeth and landed on the other side of her, with her head in his hand holding it by the hair.

"Let's set the fire and get out of here," Rosalie snarled.

Walking out with Carlisle, I let the kids handle the clean up.

When they were ready, we began running back to our home.

Alice stopped suddenly, and we stopped with her.

"The Volturi are coming–four," she reported.

"Give me Bella," ordered Jasper.

Carlisle handed her over immediately his eyes begging Jasper to keep her safe. Even though the bleeding had almost stopped, it was still present. Bella grunted and her eyes flittered open, but then they closed again.

"Meet them in the field, Carlisle, next to the ashes," Alice instructed before they turned and ran in the opposite direction.

We sprinted, entered the field, and had come to stand next to the pile of ash when four clocked figures emerged from the southeast.

"What a surprise to see you here, so far from the castle. Jane. Demetri. Felix. Santiago," Carlisle greeted them each cordially with a respectful head nod. After they each nodded back he continued, "Let me introduce my family. This is my wife, Esme, my daughter Rosalie, and my son Emmett."

"The one that caused so much trouble in Seattle?" Jane asked.

Her brisk tone and no nonsense way reminded me some of Jasper.

"We were forced to destroy her, as well as those she sent after us," Carlisle explained.

"That's odd given your unusual feeding habits," Jane stated emotionlessly.

"Her mate and other coven members had attacked our family last year. She was plotting her revenge," Carlisle explained.

"And all were ended?" Jane asked in a flat uninterested tone.

"All that came towards this field," he answered. "Her name was Victoria. She was known for her flaming red hair. Her oldest creation Riley, who had been assisting her with the newborns and acquiring humans, and all the newborns that she brought with her are ash. I cannot speak for any that might remain in Seattle or those who might have run away."

"Naturally," Jane spoke.

"Only the four of you?" Demetri inquired with the smallest slight hint of disbelief. I would not have heard it if I had not met Demetri prior.

"My other son and daughter also fought with us. They left the four of us on my request that they expedite their healing. Would you like to meet them? You are welcome to join us at our home and wait for their return," invited Carlisle.

Jane looked even more disinterested.

"Thank you for your offer of hospitality, but we were sent to resolve matters in Seattle, so we best be returning there," Demetri replied cordially with a faint smile.

"Of course," Carlisle replied. He paused and looked directly at Jane. "Please convey to your master Aro my greatest appreciation in his concern in this matter and sending the best of the guard on his behalf."

"I will convey your greeting," Jane replied.

"Thank you, Jane," Carlisle stated sweetly and with a smile. "May I request that you would be so considerate of us as to refrain from hunting in our area, since we have a permanent residence. With the news that Victoria garnished in Seattle, we need to be extra precautious."

"Of course, Carlisle," Demetri replied while Jane seemed to have her grim expression chiselled into her face. "It was wonderful to see you again. You are missed at the castle."

"Thank you, Demetri. I do miss it at times, but I wouldn't trade it for the joy I've found with my family."

"Well, perhaps one day you'll do us the honour of a visit," offered Demetri.

"I appreciate the invitation," replied Carlisle diplomatically.

"We should be going, Jane," Demetri stated.

"Yes." The smallest amount of ire could be heard in her voice.

Then they turned and went back the way they came.

"Come, let us return home," Carlisle stated simply.

While he ran, we followed.

When we got home, the house looked like nothing had ever happened.

Carlisle called Billy immediately, while he and I clung to one another.

"Mr. Black would someone be willing to come over soon?" Carlisle asked without his usual greetings.

"Yes, I'll send Jake right now," he grunted out.

"Thank you."

"Carlisle?" Billy asked before Carlisle had disconnected the phone.

"Yes?" Carlisle replied tersely, while straining to remain calm.

"How is Bella?" Billy asked his concern clear.

"We don't know yet. It's a long story," Carlisle said sounding defeated.

"Fine," Billy replied irritated, "Jake can fill me in. Is she with you?"

"Yes, she and Alice and Jasper are not at the house, but Alice and Jasper are taking good care of her."

"Fine." Then he hung up.

It would seem that both sides were strained.

Carlisle ran his hands over me, starting with my head, moving his fingers through my hair, down my neck, over my shoulders, down my arms, over my hips and back, and over my legs. I was about halfway through checking him when the patter of wolves could be heard. Words were caught in my throat.

It didn't take long for Jacob to walk out of the forest in his customary pants only attire. He had Seth and Jared with him, but they were in wolf form.

Rosalie and Emmett had joined us on the porch.

We all stood looking at the Quileutes waiting for an explanation of why Jake was in our front lawn instead of Sam.

Jacob shrugged. "They were patrolling," he said as way of an explanation.

"Did any make it to Forks?" Carlisle asked sounding calmer than he had on the phone with Billy.

"No, Bella's scent trick did it. They all came right to us. There was just more than ten," Jake answered in a tone that suggested that he was excited to share the news, but trying not to show it.

"How many in total?" Carlisle asked.

"We'd guess eighteen," Jake answered frowning slightly.

Emmett whistled.

"We ended seven," Carlisle informed him.

"We didn't count heads, but eleven sounds about right," Jake reported after a moment's thought and looking over to the wolves as if to verify. They nodded their heads as if in agreement.

"Certain there are no stray parts?" Carlisle checked.

Jake's face contorted in disgust. "No, man. We checked our area and the land surrounding the field. We didn't pick up any stray scent, so we're all good. They're all ash."

Carlisle nodded and then asked, "Any injuries?"

"Yes, mostly broken ribs, which are healing, but Leah is still in pain and Paul's leg isn't healed completely. Sam is in bad shape."

"You?" Carlisle inquired.

"I had some broken ribs, but they healed within hours. Nothing major," he told us waving his hand like it was inconsequential.

"May I have permission to come and give aid to those injured? They would need to be in human form, though."

"Yes," Jacob replied looking relieved at the offer.

"You don't have to ask?" Carlisle checked.

"With Sam out, I'm acting Alpha. The elders can complain later. I want our guys healed."

"Understood, let me get my bag. Would you object if we all came?" Carlisle asked.

Jake looked uncertain. "Four vamps might be too much. Two?" he offered.

Carlisle looked unhappy. I knew he didn't want to be parted from me. "Rosalie has had medical training," he said gently, clearly giving Rosalie an out.

"She's injured, pop," Emmett whined.

Jake's mouth dropped open and his eyes bugged out.

Carlisle looked over at Rosalie.

"I'm good enough for now," she answered stiffly.

He nodded. "Let me get my bag. I'll drive my car. I assume you'll escort us in?" Carlisle asked Jacob.

"Yes," Jacob replied his tone hard. "See you at the border."

Desperately, I clung to Carlisle's hand. He squeezed mine, nodded to Jacob, released my hand, retrieved his bag, and the car. Rosalie hopped in and they drove off.

Watching them disappear down the driveway, I felt as if the centre of my world was crumbling. I needed my husband.

Emmett shook his head. "How did my Rosalie just get in the car to help Carlisle medically treat _wolves_?" His voice was full of surprise.

"Well, Rosalie has changed." I smiled allowing Emmett's good nature to give me strength. Carlisle hadn't left me. He went to be a doctor. He would return, and I needed to focus on what I could do. Turning to Emmett I asked him, "How are you? Any injuries?"

"No, I learned my lesson," he told me as if my question was ridiculous.

"I want to check," I told him walking inside.

He rolled his eyes, but complied allowing my hands on the outside of his clothes.

"Now me," I instructed.

He looked me once over. "Nothing that I can see and I'm not checking. You can ask your husband."

I chuckled appreciating his effort to cheer me up. "Come help me bake food for our allies," I instructed.

"Do I _have_ to?" he whined his eyes shining in jest.

"Yes," I smirked and swiped his arm. "Some on, you. You're a big guy. You can handle some rotten smelly food."

He puffed up his chest and followed me.

We were just beginning to put the ingredients into the dishes when my phone rang.

"Edward's coming home," Alice rushed barely speaking at a human pace. "He's going to go to Bella's and then the house. He's going to be livid. I would guess he hasn't fed in a while. He won't be in his right mind."

"When will he arrive?" I asked trying to think like Carlisle or Jasper.

"Two hours," was her reply.

"How can that be?" I wondered shocked at the short timeline. Brazil was certainly more than two hours away, no matter how he would have travelled.

"It would seem that he didn't make a decision, just headed in a direction, and ended up here. Once he crossed into Washington he debated, but decided to come and observe Bella from afar. I could see flashes of him in different locations, but didn't know what they meant until he was in Washington and made a decision," she explained with a sigh.

Sighing alongside her, I felt conflicted. I was glad to have Edward home, but he couldn't have picked a worse time. His presence would have been very helpful before the battle. Now? I just felt tired and couldn't fathom what Alice meant by Edward not being in his right mind.

Putting her news aside, I inquired, "How's Bella?"

"Recovering. She needed a blood transfusion, so she smells odd, but the doctors' say her prognosis is good. I see no long-term damage, well, except maybe with things between her and Carlisle, but she's only the first in _that_ line." She was highly upset by the end of her sentence. "We're not coming back until Edward is secured." Her tone was firm.

I sighed deeply and felt like Carlisle for a moment. "Understood."

"Why did Carlisle disappear?" Alice asked concerned.

"A few of the Quileutes are injured and Jacob agreed for them to receive medical treatment."

She sucked in a breath. "And Rosalie?"

"Went with him," I told her.

"Wonders never cease. Well, I'll let you and Emmett get back to your _cooking_." Then she giggled. After a short pause her tone turned serious again, "I saw Bree decide to go north with another newborn, Fred, I'd assume by how she described him."

Stopping short, I pressed her, "You mean she survived?"

"It would seem that she did, although I still don't see Diego. I suspect that my fears that he was tortured and killed was his ending. He would have told Victoria things about us, yet also giving her almost no useful information. Despite what they did to him, I never imagined that he would say anything about Bree. He would have protected her to his death," she said heavily.

"And you didn't see Bree before now?" I wondered trying to understand how Bree could be alive when just days ago Alice thought she was dead.

"I had assumed that they had smelled Diego on Bree or something and she had been killed as well. Instead, it appears that she was not making decisions, laying low, and waiting for him to return." Her voice turn grave before she added, "it would seem like she went back to her old ways. I think she just followed Fred mindlessly until the coven was meant to come here. In my vision, she would have spoken to Fred and convinced him to go north. They were travelling together last I saw."

"Maybe we'll see her again one day and get to meet Fred," I said hopeful.

"Maybe," she said softly clearly weary. After a deep breath, she said forcefully, "Don't expect a call for a while."

Understanding her hidden message, I simply replied, "Be safe, Alice, please. Whatever it takes, take care of yourselves."

"We will," she promised.

"I love you, my darling girl."

"I know, mom. I love you too."

"Alice darling, can you give me a precise time, so I'll know when to tell Carlisle to come home?" I pressed her.

The line went silent for a moment.

"Two hours and eighteen minutes is the best I can do," she let me know.

"Thank you, dear. I have faith that we'll see each other soon."

"It looks uncertain for now," she informed me.

I smiled. "That's why it's called faith. It is the reaching out and being confident in thing unseen."

"I'm not so good about that," she admitted.

"Well, now would be a great time to practice," I told her playfully.

I heard her grumble and Jasper chuckle in the background. "Fine, Mom, I'll try."

"That's my girl. Love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

Then she was gone.

Frozen I stood looking at my non-yet finished dish and then slowly coming out of my thoughts eyed Emmett. "What are we going to do?"

"Hog tie him?" Emmett offered with a menacing grin.

"With what?" I asked curious what he had in mind.

Emmett became statuesque thinking deeply.

"Lock him in the secure room?" he suggested.

"That won't last forever," I pointed out. "Anyway, he'll know our thoughts before hand."

"Maybe, but we've changed. We are trained in ways that we weren't when he left. He won't have the upper hand like he's used to."

"Perhaps," I mused considering if we had changed as much as Emmett was implying.

"How about taking off his arms or something?" Emmett proposed.

"If he hasn't hunted in a while, that would only make things worse," I pointed out. "You, go work on the basement and ideas on how to feed a half-starved Edward."

"Can't I keep cooking with you?" he pouted.

I smiled. "Nope. Go put that brain of yours to good use."

"Sure thing Mom," he said walking out of the room in thought, but clearly enjoying the challenge I had given him.

I cooked and made food for the next hour, but I can't honestly say much of my mind was focused on the food. After another forty-five minutes, I called Carlisle.

"I need you to come home now," I told him as soon as it connected.

"Of course," he replied without question.

He and Rosalie were home in fifteen minutes.

I ran through what Alice had said. Then, we all stood on the porch waiting.

The impending reunion wasn't I had hoped for, with three of my children gone. I had killed sentient creatures. My mind was in a whirl of how to process what that made me, and who I had become. Added to that, both Carlisle and I were stretched beyond our capacity than we had ever been, putting undue stress on our relationship. Nevertheless, my marriage was stronger than ever, despite Carlisle's actions. I had no idea what to expect of Edward or the future, but as I held my husband's hand and shared looks with Rosalie and Emmett I couldn't help but reflect on how much our family had changed in six months.

My husband had violated Bella's body without her permission out of fear, and yet had more faith than ever before; Rosalie had just gone to help Carlisle heal wolves; Alice had gotten better on living without using her gift and was beginning to have faith; Jasper had grown to appreciate humans as individuals worth cherishing and I suspect this war with Victoria had helped him heal some of his crimes of his past; Emmett no longer relished in a fight; Bella was healing and growing into her own; and I had come to a greater fullness in myself as a wife and a mother. Each of us had changed; our family had changed.

Whatever this new stage of life had in store for us with Edward returning, we would face it together.

"Hope, faith, and love," I reminded my family.

"Hope, faith, and love," they all said back to me.

And for today that was more than enough.

* * *

 _A/N: I hope this last chapter was worth the wait. As soon as I can I will get the Epilogue up._

 _I look forward to hearing your thoughts._


	26. Epilogue: Reunited

Beta: The incredible and amazing _kiwihipp_

(Updated 11 June 2018)

* * *

 **Epilogue: Reunited**

* * *

When Edward first crossed the tree line and snarled, "Where is Bella?" it was hard to see my son. Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and I standing against him certainly wasn't how I had imagined our family being reunited. Unfortunately, we were left with little choice, as what was in front of us was a raw primal animal bent on destruction.

"You need to feed, son," was all that Carlisle spoke in a tone that otherwise would have calmed the most savage beast.

"Where is Bella?" Edward roared his face in a sneer and went into a crouch.

"You need to feed, son," Carlisle repeated in his serenely calm tone.

"Tell me where Bella is," Edward demanded right before launching himself at us.

We moved as a team.

Emmett and Rosalie moved to the right, I moved to the left, Carlisle stepped back.

Edward stepped to avoid being surrounded, presumably attempting to use what he saw in our minds against us. His manoeuvres made no difference in the outcome, though. It had taken more repositioning and teamwork than we had ever had needed before. Not to mention that although he had come close, he had not been able to grab anyone. This unconventional reaction said volumes about how we had changed.

"You calm yourself and come feed with us, or we will put you in the basement and retrieve something as if you were a newborn. Choice is yours," Carlisle stated to Edward calmly.

His featured were somewhere between a rabid dog and utter agony as he demanded, "Tell me."

"Have it your way," Carlisle simply stated before he nodded to us.

Edward turned to get out of Emmett's impending grasp, but ended in mine. I repositioned his arm, so that it was behind his body, while Carlisle got the other one. He frantically struggled to get out of our grasp, the sound of his body cracking filled the air in between his snarls, but we didn't let go.

"The door, please, Rose," Carlisle requested calmly only the smallest hint of disappointment and concern in his tone.

Rosalie opened the door, while Emmett walked backwards keeping a close eye on Edward, just in case.

Edward tried to turn and bite Carlisle and then myself, but both attempts were unsuccessful. Then he tried to get a bite out of Emmett when he got close enough. We all just moved and adjusted, very familiar, after all our training, with how to stay out of the way of teeth.

As a result of Edward's resistance, it was a slow progression. Once he was in the basement secure, Carlisle sent Rosalie to retrieve something.

"Please hunt before you come back, Rosalie," Carlisle requested in a fatherly tone. "You're healing too slowly and your eyes are too black."

She simply nodded in reply.

While she was gone, Emmett stood in front of the basement door blocking the way.

It seemed as if Edward had run himself out of energy, because he slumped against the corner furthest from the door and folded into a ball rocking himself, much like he had done before he had run off to find Victoria. Fortunately, despite the cracks that had been heard, I couldn't see any venom leaving him, and the sound of skin kitting itself together was clear, albeit too slowly to be healthy.

Then, he started muttering. He wasn't making any sense. Over an hour like this had passed when Carlisle whispered to me, "I think he's talking to Bella."

"Can we even hallucinate?" I mouthed to him.

"I would have said no, but now … possibly," Carlisle answered his tone suggesting that he was deep in thought. Many minutes passed between us before he spoke again in a quiet whisper this time with concern. "How are you doing my tender-hearted wife?"

"Struggling to reconcile the outcome of our actions with the death of all those newborns and our near loss of Bella," I told him honestly.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "You are a mama bear defending her cubs. You have no reason to feel guilt or shame. Personally, I am grateful that you were not hurt and that no lasting damage was done to our children."

After some musing over his words I told him, "To kill a human from bloodlust is one thing, Carlisle. To kill a newborn, because it is trying to kill my own is another thing entirely. In my head I understand that, but death by my hands, no matter the form it takes, is still death. I cannot help but wish that there had been another way and feel grieved at the death that I dealt to others."

Kissing my forehead, he uttered, "I loathe to kill, even to protect and defend, but I wish I could have killed everyone of those in your stead to save you this burden."

Sagging into him I told him, "I don't know how Jasper carries it. It is truly remarkable to me. He has decades of living this kind of vicious battle-ready life, and thousands of lives, if not tens of thousands, on his hands."

He laid his chin on top in my head. "That he does. And I have death carried out by my hands, my dear beloved."

"The one that Emmett had taken the arm off?" I verified.

"Yes, and the fifth that got to Jasper," he confirmed.

I took a sharp in breath surprised to learn that any newborns had gotten so close to Bella.

"After the fourth was decapitated, I saw the fifth almost at Jasper. He dropped Bella gently on the ground spun, took off the arms, and then spun once more following Riley who had grabbed Bella. I decapitated the newborn, before giving chase to Jasper."

"I also ended two," I told him sadly. Minutes passed between us, as we found solace in the other's arms. "I thought that I had lost you in that explosion," I admitted.

"I was not injured," he told me.

Pursing my lips I replied, "Perhaps, but when I found you your eyes were flat like you were dead."

"Hmmm," he mused. "Shock perhaps?"

"Like you said Bella was in the first day you saw her after we got back?" I asked confused at his words.

"Yes, similar," he confirmed. After a few moments of thought he added, "we could not possible have the some physiological symptoms of humans, but perhaps the intent of the reaction is the same. The body shuts down in order to protect the psyche. I was simply thinking that given vampire physiology, it is the closest diagnosis I could give."

"Yes, could be," I agreed slowly thinking about it carefully. "You were as still as a statue. Your eyes were flat as if you had died, even if you were physically well enough to not actually be ended. I would have never thought such a thing was possible."

"I as well," he agreed. "Since most vampires do not live in a family like ours, if our version of shock was ever experienced, no one would have witnessed it in a way to learn as we did." He said nothing for a few moments probably thinking over the hypothesis he had just uttered. Then, he kissed my hair. "I am sorry I worried you," he told me sorrowfully. Then he took in a deep breath. "Do you have it in your heart to forgive my actions against our daughter?"

"Yes, but the betrayal of trust has deeply wounded us," I told him.

He sighed. "I just couldn't lose her, Esme. I should have said something. I was terrified in a way that I cannot articulate that someone would say no. I was afraid she wouldn't agree. I was afraid of my own barbarian thoughts. It was much like when I found you in the morgue or Rosalie on the street. I would do anything, and I mean _anything_ , even kill. I know it wasn't rational," he confessed. "I know it wasn't right. I just was unable to risk losing her."

I wrapped my hand around his knee and squeezed lightly. "Perhaps you, for the first time, are seeing yourself clearly Carlisle. This is the part of you that you denied when you left me at sixteen. You love and you love fiercely. Loving is scary and requires risking. That scares you, and you would do anything to keep that love. There's nothing reasonable or rational about it, but it is a part of who you are.

"Perhaps you hid your thoughts from us, because you weren't ready to face this in yourself. And although it is scary, it is noble. I don't agree with how you did it, and it will take time to heal the broken bonds of trust that you violated, but I am glad you did it. She or the rest of the kids might not be as generous as I, though, Carlisle."

"I know," he agreed resigned continuing to speak in a tone soft enough that neither Emmett nor Edward would be able to hear us. We stayed like that watching Edward until he told me in a volume that would be heard by the other two, "I need to go speak to Emmett."

Releasing him out of my grip, I let him go.

He sat on the step next to Emmett. "I apologise, Emmett for my actions. I hope you can one day forgive me."

"You're forgiven, pop. I get it. I do. If I had thought of the idea, I would have wanted to do the same thing. So, it's really not about that. What it is about is you not following your own rules. You talk about us working things through as a family, but at times you haven't done that yourself; you just have acted with no one else getting a say. You did it when you turned Esme. You did it again with Rosalie. And even with me. The way I see it, you can't have it both ways. You can't ask for us to work towards consensus and then act unilaterally."

Carlisle sat in silence waiting and listening. When it appeared that Emmett had nothing more to say he told him, "You are absolutely right, son. And as long as you are willing to stick around, I will endeavour to show you that I want to change. In those moments, I acted without conscious thought and, you're right, unilaterally. All these years, I never understood my actions or how I truly felt in those moments. Esme's imaginings awakened something with me that I am still struggling with. I am not perfect; I made mistakes. Thus, I cannot promise that I will not make another in the future, but I can confess that I am a better man than I used to be. I am working on it. I regretted it the moment after I did it."

"I'm glad you did do it, though, pop," Emmett admitted sorrowfully.

"Doesn't make it right," Carlisle retorted.

"No, it doesn't," Emmett agreed momentarily before adding, "but I like the alternative even less."

"Me as well," Carlisle concurred. "Still, I am sorry."

"You're forgiven. But come on, now, if Rosalie can change, so can you," Emmett countered in his usual light-hearted playful tone.

With that they both chuckled.

"You're a good son, brother, and husband," Carlisle told him sincerely and with pride. "Thank you, Emmett."

He just shrugged. Then they sat next to each other until we heard Rosalie knocking on the door.

"Bring him up," she ordered.

We approached Edward carefully.

"Edward," I offered softly, "you need to feed. We're going to bring you upstairs. Rosalie retrieved something for you."

Edward's only response was to stop his rocking. Emmett came over, wrapped his arms around him, lifted him off the ground, and brought him upstairs without much resistance. Once in the back, Emmett let Edward go and then stood behind him.

Not far past the porch was a paralysed buck.

Carlisle went over and slit an opening so that the blood started pulsing out.

Holding myself rigid, I hadn't realized how thirsty I was, but I would not take this from my son.

Edward seemed to have no response to it. Emmett picked him up from behind and brought him closer. Carlisle lifted the buck to Edward's lips. I noticed that Emmett was holding his breath. Carlisle repositioned the buck so that the blood was spurting into Edward's mouth. It took only a few more seconds before Edward's mouth clamped down and he drank eagerly.

"I brought another," Rosalie informed Carlisle.

He nodded.

She brought the second out from the woods.

Carlisle repeated the process. Only this time, it didn't take as much for Edward to drink it.

When Edward finished, he looked at Carlisle for the first time. "Carlisle?"

"Yes, I'm here, son," he answered.

"Why are you here in Forks?" he questioned his tone carrying an accusation.

"It's a long story. Are you well enough to hunt?" Carlisle inquired.

Edward seemed to become statuesque for a long time, as if lost again. When he twitched awake, he snarled. "Where's Bella?"

"First you need to hunt," Carlisle said sadly and softly.

"Where's Bella?" he snarled, before he started thrashing against Emmett.

"Not this again," Emmett muttered. "Basement?"

"Basement," Carlisle agreed sadly.

Once we were in the basement and Emmett had let go, Edward started pacing.

"Emmett? Please go hunt yourself and bring back as many as you are able," Carlisle requested.

He grunted and left.

Rosalie took up what had been Emmett's spot.

Edward started muttering to himself again. At least this time he made some more sense. I heard things like "Bella, should have been there, where would they be keeping her, she was supposed to be happy, why wasn't she at home."

We said nothing and let him pace. His behaviour gave no indication that he even recognised that we were in the room.

After a bit, Carlisle went and sat down next to Rosalie.

"How's you're hand?" Carlisle checked softly.

"Fine," she stated gruffly.

"May I check?" he asked gently.

She huffed, but showed him her hand.

He took longer than he would have otherwise, checking her as slowly as he would have done me, perhaps attempting to convey his care and love for her in this way.

"You healed it well," he commended her. "You also healed Emmett's wounds well. Care to share your trick?"

"I licked them after the venom starts putting them together. It creates a sealant and helps with the bonding."

"I'm impressed, Rosalie," he praised her. "Great thinking."

"Thanks," she replied curtly.

After a few minutes had passed, following him letting go of her hand, he admitted, "I messed up big time."

"Yes, yes you did," she agreed without bitterness in her tone, just sad resignation.

"I cannot say how sorry I am Rose. I sincerely apologise. I should have overcome my fear and said something," he confessed.

"Yes," she agreed her tone hard.

"I'm so sorry, Rose," he repeated.

A while passed before she spoke. When she did it was the saddest, smallest voice I had ever heard from her. "Why? How could you violate her like that? You violated Esme, me, and now her in a similar fashion, taking away choice in your arrogant belief that you knew better than us in order to save us? What if she didn't want saving? What if she didn't want saving in that way? How could you?" she asked her tone completely defeated.

He hung his head. "I was scared. I didn't want to lose you when I came across you in the street. I didn't want to lose her. It was irrational, and foolish, and a violation. You're right. I allowed my fear of loss to overwhelm my capacity to reason."

"We need you to be better than that. _I_ need you to better than that. I need you to be noble and righteous, even when you're scared, even when it's inconvenient, even when you risk everything. Otherwise, it tarnishes what we're building by being a family, by being vegetarian. Never once did you lie to Victoria. Sure, you might not have given her all the information, but you did not lie. How can you not lie to your enemy, but lie to your family?" Her tone was a strange mix between hurt, angry, and defeated.

When he spoke his voice was shaky. "There are no reasons, no excuses. My behaviour was inapproachable. I deserve your scorn. I know. Nevertheless, I am asking for your forgiveness. I am not me without you, Rose. I know we've had a difficult relationship at times, but in my heart, you are my daughter. It would devastate me to lose you."

She nodded stiffly. "I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking," he told her his relief clear in this tone. "And I believe that I have learned my lesson. I hope that you will give me the opportunity to show you that I have changed."

"I'm not going anywhere," she retorted as if irritated.

He patted her knee and stayed next to her keeping watch.

It took a while, but Emmett's knock could finally be heard. Rosalie went out and watched over the animals while Emmett went to retrieved Edward.

"No you, don't," Edward snarled as soon as Emmett was within arms reach.

"You must feed," Carlisle insisted.

Edward growled and got into a crouch.

"Fine. The hard way," Emmett sneered.

Edward moved right only to find Emmett behind him.

Carlisle chuckled. "Nice move, Emmett. That might not work a second time, though."

Emmett nodded, but carried a fighting Edward up the stairs.

At one point, I heard the cracking of skin.

"Not too hard, Emmett," Carlisle admonished.

"Well tell him to stop fighting me," Emmett argued back.

When we got to the yard Carlisle repeated the process of feeding Edward. With each deer, Edward resisted the blood less. By the forth Edward didn't seem to be able to take more, rather than him resisting.

"Esme? Are you thirsty?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded sadly.

"Come, finish this one," he offered to me.

Nodding in defeat, my mind wished that I was stronger to resist. However, my body's desire for blood was so keen. I downed the rest of the one Edward had started. It was hard to stop even when the blood ran dry, as I wasn't full by any means, but I did feel slightly improved.

"Better?" Carlisle asked after I finished.

"Yes, thank you," I let him know.

Carlisle gave me a look that I hadn't seen since I was a newborn. It was a cross between concern and calculated disbelief of my words.

Edward had seemed calmer while he had drank and even more so as Emmett carried him downstairs, but he wasn't himself by any means.

Once Emmett released Edward in the middle of the room, he just stood there statuesque.

"I'm going to hunt and bring some back," Carlisle stated.

We nodded and the three of us sat on the steps blocking the door.

"I'm proud of you both for being willing to forgive Carlisle," I told them.

"Humph," was Rosalie's reply.

"We all make mistakes. We all have to give each other room to learn and grow," I reminded them.

"But he's Carlisle. He's not supposed to make mistakes," Rosalie whined.

"Well, then these six months have been a lesson in the fallacy that is Carlisle Cullen. He is just as imperfect as you or I, Rose. But he leads us well. He is good at his role. To trust him again, as we have these past decades, will take time. Nevertheless, I truly believe he learned his lesson. He might be slow to learn, but once he does, he doesn't repeat the same mistake twice. Not all of us can say that, Rose," I pointed out.

I wrapped my arm around her and she lay on my shoulder, while she and Emmett held hands.

"So, what are we going to do about under-fed crazy boy over there?" Emmett asked.

"He might not understand, Emmett, but his brain is still recording everything, including our thoughts. Be wise, please," I softly admonished him.

"I'm out of practice," he admitted.

"Then, shall we tell stories?" I suggested.

They both smiled.

"Tell me something from your adventures, even if you've already told it," I recommended.

"Well, there was this one time …" Emmett began.

Maybe it was Emmett's way of storytelling, or maybe it was having all of our minds thinking about the same thing. No matter the reason, Edward moved back to the corner, sat down, and wrapped his arms around his legs, but there was no rocking and no mutterings. Emmett was a halfway through an adventure in Mongolia when Carlisle knocked. This time Edward didn't resist and allowed Emmett to carry him to the waiting deer. He didn't hesitate and drank three without complaint.

"May I?" I asked Carlisle demurely, indicating the forth.

"Of course, dear," he said lovingly.

Pouncing and drinking quickly, I was embarrassed at my lack of etiquette in front of them and in allowing my thirst to get the better of me.

Carlisle smiled at me sadly when I let go of the buck, and my eyes dropped embarrassed.

Edward offered no resistance when Emmett carried him back down.

"Please love, don't be embarrassed. You've been the most patient of us all. We understand; you have nothing to be ashamed about. It was only a deer," he murmured into my ear too quietly for Emmett, Rosalie, or Edward to hear.

I nodded that his words had been received.

After Edward was settled in the basement once more, Carlisle stated with little room for argument, "Rosalie? Your turn." His lack of offering for me to go, I suspected, had to do with his fears that something might still happen to me. Simultaneously, his statement showed his improvement in comparison to what he had done to Bella and how he was still making decisions from a place of fear.

"Can Mom come?" she asked modestly, somehow aware of my state and that pointing it out openly might upset both Carlisle and I, while appealing to him from her role of daughter.

Carlisle evaluated Edward, as if Edward's condition held the answer, and nodded.

"Emmett, tell more stories. That seemed to help," I instructed while I walked out the door.

He nodded dutifully.

"I need to run some, but I don't want to go to far," I told Rosalie once we had crossed the creek.

"I'd like a run as well," she agreed.

Running together, I enjoyed the scenery and sounds of this part of the forest. We had reached the zenith of a mountainside when Rosalie stopped. Standing next to her, we surveyed as far as we could see.

"You handled Carlisle well just then," I commended her.

"Well, he usually doesn't order us around like that. I figured, even though I'm upset, that you were right. I just don't get it. How did you forgive him for doing something to your body against your will?" Rosalie asked softly.

"Because I know his intention was to save, not to harm. And he did save me, Rose. I _would_ have died otherwise. My life as a Cullen is better than I had as a human. It's hard some days, nearly deadly like fourteen hours ago, but most days are filled with love and joy and blessings."

She stood with her arms crossed over her. "If I forgive him completely, then it's like letting go of my dreams."

"No, Rose. Forgiveness is letting go the belief that he owes you something for what happened."

"I kind of forced him to pay that debt when he changed Emmett," she admitted.

"Did that help your heart?" I wondered.

"Some," she confessed reluctantly after some thought.

"What do you have to lose by letting go of the rest?" I pressed her.

She said nothing for a while. "I don't trust him like I did," she disclosed when she spoke again.

"Neither do I," I divulged allowing her change of topic. "It's the hardest part of being the leader, Rose. If you fail or mess up, the blow isn't so much in comparison to when he does. He knows he messed up. He's attempting to make amends. What more can we ask? Trust is built. Hopefully over time he will show us that he is once again worthy of our trust."

Her scowl deepened and then her body relaxed. "Let's go catch us some deer."

I smiled. "I like your plan." I let Rosalie lead. I took two for myself, although I did feel a little slushy. Rosalie took one more. We caught and brought back two each. The sun had set by the time we got home. Rosalie went and banged on the door while I kept watch over the deer. I felt bad that they were paralyzed and in terror, but it seemed the best way of doing things out of our options.

Edward seemed to be in the same state he had been when we had left. He drank each fairly slowly, but managed to take all four. For the first time his eyes showed the smallest specs of gold in them.

As we were travelling back to the basement, Edward spoke. "You know, you don't have to carry me. I'd go willingly if you asked."

Emmett huffed.

When Emmett put Edward down Carlisle stood in front of him. "We did, son, many times; you refused. You need blood."

Edward sighed. "Will you at least tell me why you are holding me prisoner?"

Carlisle looked thoughtful. "What can you tell me about where you're being held?"

"It's a basement," Edward replied perfunctorily.

"True," Carlisle confirmed. "Can you tell me your name?"

Edward looked at him confused.

"What are you called?" Carlisle asked, this line of questioning confusing me.

"You call me son," Edward answered hesitantly as if he wasn't sure.

"I do, but that's not your name. It's a title."

Edward looked around as if the answer was in the room somewhere. "Perhaps Edward, but I can't be sure," he finally said.

"What else can you tell us?" Carlisle questioned.

"I need Bella," he stated emphatically.

"Who's Bella?" Carlisle asked softly.

"She's a girl. She had brown hair and big expressive brown eyes," Edward answered looking almost befuddled at his own words.

"Do you know why you need her?" Carlisle pressed.

"No, just that I do," he answered sadly.

"That's enough for now," Carlisle assured Edward before asking, "Do you like Emmett's stories?"

"Yes, they're funny and they quiet the voices," Edward answered.

Carlisle smiled sadly. We exchanged a look. Carlisle's questions, or rather Edward's lack of answers, made it clear that Edward still wasn't himself. Hopefully, we would get him back.

"I will tell a story about a young man I met while Emmett gets you more blood." He turned to Emmett. "Take all the time you need."

"Can Rose come?" Emmett asked with longing in his voice.

Carlisle's mouth twitched. "No, Em, not this time. I know the feeling, but we need to focus. One thing at a time."

"Fine," he answered in almost a whine. He lightly stomped as he left to be silly and complain a little.

"So, I was going to tell a story about a young man I met in 1918. I was living in Chicago …" Carlisle began.

Carlisle was up to the point when Edward's mother asked Carlisle to save him when Emmett knocked.

"Can you come upstairs without assistance, please?" Carlisle asked Edward.

He nodded, stood, and walked towards us. Carlisle walked in front and Rosalie and I walked behind. When we got outside, we stood in an almost closed circle around Edward and the deer.

"Can you take it yourself, or do you need me to cut it open again?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't know how to …" Edward admitted sheepishly.

"Listen to the sounds of the deer and take in the scent. Then let your instincts do the rest," Carlisle instructed very much like he had me when I had been a newborn.

Edward looked at Carlisle with an eyebrow raised and his face contorted as a result of his concentration.

Carlisle looked at Emmett, and Emmett moved behind Edward just in case.

Edward stood looking at the beast for a few minutes. It seemed as if nothing was happening. Then like a light switch, Edward growled and pounced. He drank greedily as if it had been weeks since his last feed rather than four hours. When he finished he snarled at us in warning.

"There is another for you," Carlisle instructed as he moved that deer to show another a few feet away.

Edward pounced like a cat onto the next meal drinking almost as greedily. The next two he needed no prompting.

When he turned around, he was more of a mess than I had ever seen, but his eyes were clearer and they were nearly a fourth filled with gold flecks.

"What are you guys doing here?" Edward asked somewhere between a snarl and confusion.

"Alice told us that you were on your way. She was concerned that you hadn't fed in a while and might be a danger to the humans here," Carlisle explained. "Can we go inside, please? I have some questions for you."

"Okay. Where's Alice then?" Edward asked beginning to follow Carlisle inside.

"We don't know," Carlisle said simply leading the way down the basement stairs.

"You don't know?" Edward grumbled.

"No, it's a long story," Carlisle answered.

After Carlisle was Edward, and then Rosalie, and I with Emmett last.

"What is that about?" Edward pressed upset and annoyed reaching the basement floor while Emmett closed the door behind us.

"What is what?" Carlisle replied calmly turning around to face him.

"Flashes about Bella, Victoria, and mutts," he told us, but with a tone of disbelief.

"You've missed a lot, Edward," Carlisle told him his voice sounding like he was worn down.

"Why the basement?" Edward asked looking around at us suspiciously.

His willingness to so easily let go of what he had picked up in our memories concerned me, as it seemed so unlike him.

"You haven't been yourself," Carlisle told him causing Edward to focus on Carlisle.

"Okay," Edward answered drawing out the word sounding slightly confused and petulant.

Rosalie along with Emmett guarded the door; I moved to stand slightly behind Carlisle's left, while Carlisle started with his questions.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Which one?" Edward responded with a snarky tone.

"Please," Carlisle stated with authority.

"You're serious?" Edward asked incredulously.

"Afraid so," Carlisle confirmed.

"Fine, have it your way," Edward retorted irritated. "I was born Edward Anthony Masen. But I usually use your name, Cullen. We've also used Hale, Whitlock, McCarty, and Carlysle."

"Thank you. Do you know where you are?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "You're serious?" he gripped.

"Yes," Carlisle said sadly.

"We are in the basement we have for containment, if ever necessary, in our home in Forks."

"Where were you before coming to Forks yesterday?" Carlisle pressed.

"Brazil, I think. But I don't remember travelling here," Edward answered less sure of himself and had begun to look worried.

"Do you remember who we are?" Carlisle pressed.

"Seriously?" Edward answered indignantly.

"Yes," Carlisle replied sternly.

Carlisle's tone caused Edward to appear concerned and as he answered sounded serious. "You are Doctor Carlisle Cullen." He looked at me and smiled. "Esme Anne Platt Cullen, nee Evenson. Emmett McCarty Cullen. Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen. Satisfied?" he asked irritated once more.

"Nearly," Carlisle answered. "When's the last time you saw us?"

"I saw you and Esme in November before I went to hunt Victoria," he stated in a tone suggesting that Carlisle's questions were ridiculous.

We must have thought of Victoria again because Edward quickly snarled. "What was that?"

"We'll get to that Edward," Carlisle admonished. "Please continue."

"Rosalie and Emmett I last saw in September," he huffed and then winced.

"Why did you return to Forks?" Carlisle pressed.

"I'm not sure," he answered looking confused again.

"You were repeating that you needed Bella," Carlisle divulged.

Edward looked horrified, most likely from our mental images of him.

"What are your intentions, Edward?" Carlisle pressed.

"I'm not sure," Edward admitted appearing baffled at his own uncertainty.

"You're not sure?" Carlisle was looking at him steadily.

"I don't remembering coming here. I'm a little confused, honestly," Edward admitted.

"Well, whatever your intention were, what are they now?" Carlisle pushed.

"I'm not sure," he replied sounding confused.

"You're not sure?" Carlisle repeated.

"No, sir," Edward replied sounding very much a young man from his era being scolded.

"Did you assume that nothing would change while you were gone? That you'd come back, check on Bella, and then go on your merry way again." Carlisle's tone was stern.

"I don't know," Edward answered despondently. "I just seemed to find myself here."

"Even with that being the case, the thing is Edward that you choose to leave. You choose to lie to the woman you loved. Noble intentions or not, you hurt her. She is not the same as you left her. More importantly, you are not well."

"How is that possible?" he asked bewildered.

"I don't know Edward, but I do know that when you arrived you didn't know your name, you didn't know who we were, and you attacked us. You are to stay in this space except to feed, which we will bring to you. If you can show that you can hunt and stay with us, then we will permit you to hunt your own meals. You have lost our trust, son. You have to earn it back. It won't be easy."

"What about Bella?" he asked sadly his shoulders slumped.

"You left, Edward. You lied. There are consequences. If you can successfully demonstrate the basic things that I just described, then we can have a discussion about other things," Carlisle answered.

"All right," Edward replied resigned. "If this is what it will take, then I will do what you're asking."

"That's a good start, Edward. I'm glad. First, I want you to listen to a story," Carlisle told him.

"A story?" Edward parroted sounding disbelieving.

"Yes, a story. Esme imagined something powerful and it has changed all of our lives. This is where we need to begin," Carlisle explained.

"All right," Edward answered defeated.

I started telling the story of my imagining at the same pace I had told the family. It took a little over eighteen days. In the beginning, Edward fed every six hours, so that caused delays. Edward also interrupted, despite Carlisle's instructions. Each time he did, Carlisle asked me start again. We also had family meetings regarding our future plans and what we needed to do next. The main topics were moving and Bella. The meetings were odd. First, because they were held in the basement, since we were unwilling to leave Edward alone yet. Second, because Edward didn't get a vote, since Carlisle had told him that until I finished the story he had lost his right to speak or vote in family meetings, which irritated Edward to no end. The third odd part was that Edward didn't understand much of our conversation, something that had never happened before in our family.

On Monday after the battle, Carlisle started back to work, but he would join the Edward vigil when he was home. That same Monday, Alice decided that Bella was safe to bring back to Forks. Charlie had been told that they had spent the weekend shopping in Victoria. In reality, Bella had been in the hospital under a false name that Jasper had set up just in case. Other than a blood transfusion and some stitches, she seemed to need little else.

Carlisle asked Bella to meet him at the hospital the day after she got back, explained what he had done and why, apologised, and removed it. She forgave him, but the damage was done.

Carlisle also apologised to Alice and Jasper. I think out of everyone Jasper understood it the best and was the angriest.

Alice picked the new house with some of Rosalie's input and Jasper's connections.

Emmett stayed with Edward and I practically all the time; sometimes Rosalie would join us.

A few days after Bella's talk with Carlisle, I took a break from being with Edward and took Bella out to lunch in Port Angeles. While I was gone, Emmett promised me that he would tell Edward stories of his and Rosalie's travels.

"How are you Bella?" I asked her once we were settled in our seats and our orders taken.

"Truth?" she asked.

"Always," I confirmed.

"Hurt, angry, disappointed, but I get it, right? I'm here. I'm alive. That should count for something." Her eyes dropped and I could see the confliction within her.

Reaching across the table, I waited until she looked up and keeping eye contact told her, "I completely understand what you mean."

She searched my eyes, and then I saw as she made the connection. "You do, don't you? Rosalie too."

"Yes, Rosalie too," I agreed.

"Quite the club," Bella muttered.

"Yes, but he's learning. He makes mistakes. We make ours. None of us are perfect. How did the conversation with him go?" I asked curious to get her perspective.

She smiled sadly. "You know, in a strange kind of way, it's kind of like he did something a father would do. On one hand, his actions show how much he cares about me, but on the other hand, I'm not seven and I get a say, especially about my body. So, honestly, his apology just made things more confusing. It is strange that I trust him even more, since I now know he would do really anything to keep me safe, and yet I'm madder at him than I have been at anyone, and more hurt than I ever have been."

"All of that makes perfect sense to me. Ironically, I have felt somewhat similar. The greatest strength and weakness about my husband is that he's not always in touch with his heart and how he feels. He's working on it, but on rare occasions when he feels something strongly, it is as if it overpowers him and he loses all capacity to see things rationally." Pausing and measuring her I asked, "Is it even more than Edward leaving?" hoping she was ready to talk about his actions, even though we hadn't yet told her he had been in the basement coming up to a week.

Her head went down and she covered her face with her hair as she told me, "Yes, see with Edward our relationship never really made sense to me. His words weren't a betrayal, as much as a confirmation."

Reaching across the table I covered her hand with mine. "Thanks for telling me that, Bella. I'm sure that was hard for you to admit."

She let out a huge breath and looked up at me through her hair. "I so love being a part of your family, Esme, but he's going to return one day, and the reasons why he left are still going to be there, you know? He was your first son in this life, I don't want you make you choose."

"Bella," I called to her forcing her to look at me. "I've said this before, but I will say it again. You couldn't possibly cause me to choose. Edward and Rosalie don't always get along, but that doesn't stop us from living together as a family. I don't know what the future holds, but you will always have a space in our home."

With tears streaming down her face she nodded.

"And the rest?" I pressed.

"Since everything, Jake's come round. He doesn't like it, but he gets it, you know?"

I just nodded not wanting to impede her flow.

"I'm going to continue to work, so I have my own money at college, even with my scholarship," she dripped the word with sarcasm. "I want to have my own money."

"Sounds wise," I agreed understanding her point of view on this matter.

She nodded seeming pleased that she had won that battle. "But my Dad's over the moon that I'm going to college and that he doesn't have to worry about school debt. So, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Life moves on, you know?" she mused.

"Yes, it does. You went through a lot. If you need to talk more about it, I'm here," I reminded her.

She squeezed my hand. "I know, but most of all I'm relieved. I feel like my head is off the chopping block. I'm going to enjoy college, learn, grow, keep figuring me out, ask for help when I need it, make mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and prepare myself for the life I want after college."

"You sure you still want it?" I checked.

"Yes," she said with the absolute certainty that can only be found in adolescents. "I have things to work through with Carlisle. Rosalie and I still aren't best buds. Thinking about Edward is still hard. I don't know my place yet, but yes."

"Just keep following your own heart and examining what's best for you," I encouraged her, "but know that it's also okay, if you change your mind. You know we'll support you no matter what."

"Yes, I know, thank you Esme," she replied her voice soft.

"Bella, I need to tell you something difficult," I informed her.

The colour drained from her face. "It's about Edward, isn't it?" she asked pausing only briefly at his name.

"Yes," I confirmed.

"Is he all right?" she asked her voice rising in tone.

"Kind of," I told her truthfully. "He's alive. He's not dead. But he's not well. He's lost time, he forgot his name, he didn't know who we were, all of which should be impossible. We think it was because he hadn't consumed anything in so long. I'm so sorry, but for all our sakes, including his and yours, we can't have you see him until he's the Edward we all know. Right now we have to bring him his meals. Having his singer around would be too temping, and thus a terrible risk. One we are unwilling to make."

"Like Carlisle did for you in the beginning?" she asked in verification.

"Yes," I agreed glad to see her making the connection.

She nodded sadly. "Can I still come over and spend the night?" she asked.

The night before we had an awkward family meeting in the basement regarding this issue. The concern of Bella's scent in the house was primary. Emmett had wisely pointed out that until Edward could behave around any human scent, he had to stay in the basement, so Bella was a good test. We all had looked at Edward wearily, but eventually agreed with Emmett.

"Yes, but you have to be in your room with the door locked anytime he feeds," I told Bella. "And someone has to guard him at all times, so it won't quite be the same."

"Understood," she said looking very sad.

"We're not intentionally keeping the two of you apart," I informed her in case she believed that.

"I know," she stated glumly.

"Then what is it?" I queried.

"I'm afraid that I'll get my heart broken again when I do see him, despite what Jasper said. I still love him, even if he doesn't love me."

Unwilling to argue with her about her perceptions of Edward's sentiments of her, I instead told her, "Well, my dear, we are far from having that conversation. I can tell you that he believed that us leaving you was the best for you and that it was an act of love. Unfortunately, many of Carlisle's weaknesses are Edward's, except Edward is younger and less mentally flexible than Carlisle."

She looked at me speculatively with her mouth open a little.

"I think it might have to do with the state Edward was in when Carlisle found him and saved him," I informed Bella. "I think Edward clung to Carlisle's mind in many ways, and shaped himself after Carlisle, but I could be wrong." Pausing, I allowed that idea to settle in her. "You also have to know, Bella, that Edward is particularly immature. Jasper and Emmett had, in many ways, taken on the responsibilities of manhood. Edward hadn't. I suspect that he was spoiled and sheltered by his mother, and that his father worked too much. That isn't unusual for a family of his social class and being an only child."

She moved her hair and with a puzzled look asked me, "What are you telling me Esme?"

"That although he has an old soul, there are ways that he is immature. One thing that these last months have made me realized is that I probably contributed to his lack of growth, as I have had a tendency to be lenient with him. Looking back, I think that he overshadowed you, and if you and him are to move forward, I want you to hold your own with him. In my opinion, he will need you to continue to grow into the amazing woman you are developing into, and he will need to grow out of his immaturities, if he is to be worthy of you."

She looked like I had spoken into her soul and had turned her world upside down. "I would do anything for him," she whispered.

"There's a big difference between infatuation and love, Bella, although they can sometimes feel similar. In love there is respect, appreciation, kindness, and a desire for the other person to become their best. I want you two to have that," I stated in my mothering tone. "When you love someone, sometimes what you need to do for the other is to make yourself stronger and more whole. No person, even a soul mate, completes us. It took me a long time to find that strength within me. I want that for you."

She nodded and then right as I went on to speak mumbled, "That sounds impossible."

Saying nothing, I squeezed her hand the slightest amount in support. When she seemed calmer I added, "Sometimes life asks the impossible of us, that's when we lean on each other. This is Carlisle's lesson."

Her mouth opened to a little o and her eyes widened.

Smiling at her, I hoped that my words helped her understand my husband better and gave her courage for the future. I told her, "I'll tell you what? I'll keep you updated and let you know as soon as he's more himself. In the mean time, you can be an asset to the family by giving your input on what you need. All right?"

She smiled. "Sure, Esme, sure."

"I love you. You are so brave," I praised her.

She looked down at her coffee. "Thanks, Esme."

More than two weeks passed after our conversation when things were almost the same as they had been before the confrontation with Victoria and her newborn army. Bella was at our house regularly, but struggled to be around Carlisle. Any time she came over, I would stop my time with Edward and spend time with her. Also when she was there, we would catch her up on the progress with getting ready for college and how Edward was doing. We took in her requests for housing near campus, but she gave no input regarding Edward, which seemed unusual, given her strong reaction and desire for input when it had come to his cover story. Hopefully, that meant she was coming to trust Carlisle and my wisdom more, despite her anger towards him.

Alice hardly ever searched Bella's future, especially if they were together, and she allowed herself to make mistakes and then enjoy having Bella and her laugh at them. My heart felt full, except for Edward who still had healing to do and amends to make up one day.

We settled on a house outside of Bellingham, Washington a few days before I finished my story. Emmett left Edward to put in a basement into the new location. The rest of the kids spent that first weekend after closing on the house, and the next week working on the new place. Bella joined them for that Monday to Wednesday. They came home the following weekend, but the next week I went and oversaw the changes, so Alice and Jasper stayed with Edward.

We were ready to move to Bellingham the weekend after Labour Day. By that time, Bella had put in her notice at Newton's. Also by then, Edward could go a whole twenty-four hours and be fed once. His eyes were butterscotch most of the time. He was getting stronger, which sometimes meant he fought Carlisle's instructions more.

After I finished my story, Edward demanded that he be permitted to see Bella.

"No," Carlisle stated authoritatively. "This is where the family was in December. You still have all of January through July to learn."

Everyone but Edward was impressed with Carlisle's response. It seemed like seeing these changes in Carlisle was helping their healing process. Edward, on the other hand, snarled and fought and argued only to find himself pinned every time by Carlisle throughout the whole night. It only added to his frustration, but it seemed like a contest that had been brewing for a hundred years. Eventually by the time the sun rose, Edward conceded. Carlisle said he would start. He explained his response to my story, how it had changed him, and the errors he believed he had made. He apologised to Edward. Edward seemed more confused than ever. Carlisle's description of how the story had changed him changed Edward's attitude. He was more compliant. In the midst of everything else, the kids each took turns telling Edward how the story had changed him or her. The process seemed good for Edward, but also for each of them.

It was a week before we moved that Edward hunted for himself for the first time, since his return to Forks. Of course, he patiently searched trails until he found a mountain lion. He seemed more himself after that, although not yet completely.

That first semester in Bellingham was rough, schedule wise, in order to keep an eye on Edward and with Carlisle still working in Forks, but we made it work. Edward's movement from Forks to Bellingham had been like travelling with a newborn. It took all of us, Jasper's influence, and a bucket load of patience. Him being in Bellingham made it easier on the family to keep an eye on him, but it also seemed to do Bella good to have him near. Fortunately, since the move, Edward had resigned himself to his new room. We brought him his music and books, and tried to help him adjust. We celebrated Bella's nineteenth birthday party without paper cuts and Edward locked in the basement of the new place, since he was still acting feral to her scent alone.

Bella seemed to really thrive. She got a little part-time job in a coffee shop, took her classes, went out with friends, even went to a few parties, and used our place to crash mostly. She got stronger, and although she never forgot Edward was there, she trusted us, and most of all she trusted herself.

It took until October for me to have a chance to check in with each of my kids. Rosalie was working at forgiving Carlisle, but there seemed to be an understanding of him that hadn't there before. Emmett, true to his word, seemed to have let it go and moved on. Alice, too, had quickly forgiven and moved on. Bella worked hard at reconciling with Carlisle, and they spent time just the two of them talking over majors and possible careers for her, whether she remained human or became a vampire. Jasper was another story. He had forgiven Carlisle easily, telling him that he understood completely, but there was something there. One day when it was just Jasper and I in the house with Edward in the basement, I asked him about it.

"Esme, do you remember the family meeting that happened after Edward saved Bella from the van?" he asked as a way of an answer.

"Yes," I confirmed.

"I argued for Bella's death," he reminded me. Then, taking a pause, he told me, "It was only when I had thought that Victoria had outsmarted us that I truly realized how much these months have changed me. The rational part of me, the strategist and warrior admires Carlisle for what he did, but the husband part of me that knows how much she means to my wife and how I see her as part of the family was indignant." His whole body moved as if confessing a great sin. He must have picked up my confusion, because he added, "Never before in my life have I been indignant. I've done lots of horrible things to lots of individuals, even as a human. Warriors don't have room for empathy. You finish the mission. For the first time in my life, I saw the world from Carlisle's point of view, him trying to balance war with relationships and individuals and honour and valour. In that second, I also saw, in a way, that I would have never before, how he failed us all. He was willing to sacrifice our bonds and our trust because of his fear."

There was nothing to say. He was completely right.

His voice quieted even more as he told me, "More than anything, what happened, opened my eyes to the cost I have paid to be a warrior, and I am no longer sure I like the price. I'm angry, Esme, not at him so much, but at myself, at my superiors, at Maria, at everyone before Alice."

Putting my hand on his shoulder, I conjured my love and admiration for him. "You have paid a great price; there's no denying that. It is the price of being a warrior. And maybe it doesn't mean much, but I appreciate it. Without you being a warrior, Carlisle couldn't be a diplomat. I hope one day our world no longer needs warriors, but until then I am more grateful than could be expressed."

He nodded slightly.

"Till then, Jasper, I'd recommend you take your own advice to heart and find a way to let go of what you have no control over. You are a warrior, but you are also a husband, brother, son, philosopher, historian, and empath. You can retire the warrior and step into another part of who you are, and we will all hope that we will never need you to be the warrior again. But, if we do, then I hope by then that you are proud of how your past, no matter how painful, has allowed you to keep Alice and this family alive. The price was high, but hopefully the reward has been higher."

He nodded slightly and sent me his cocktail of appreciation, familial connection, and tranquillity.

Over the semester, Carlisle began to make the necessary steps to earn each of our trust again. Jasper and him seemed to engage in more conversations than before. It seemed to be helping them both find a balance within themselves.

It took till almost Christmas by the time Edward had heard all of our stories, and was more of the Edward that we remembered. Fortunately, all of his symptoms had left and he appeared to have healed both physically and mentally. Selfishly, I hoped that over the next year he would work to heal his betrayal of his own love for Bella, and thereby repair his relationship with her. It was bound to be a difficult process, but I thought it would do them both good, irrelevant of the choices they might make as individuals or as a couple. When I paused long enough to really consider what that might look like for Edward, one thing was for sure, if Edward's behaviour thus far was any indication, it was bound to be a doozy. I also couldn't help but think about what this next year might bring. I hoped no more hell-bent crazy vampires, no Volturi, and no newborns.

I eventually did get to tell Bella my story. We seemed to grow closer as a result. I also showed her my paintings of her. Although the last one made her sad that Edward wasn't there, she loved them. I suspected that they allowed her to see how much she had matured.

Whether I got my wishes for a peaceful non-eventful next year or not, no matter what happened, life would go on. We had each other. We would grow. We would fight together, if necessary. We would hope. We would love. We would have faith. I couldn't ask for more.

* * *

 _A/N: I cannot thank you enough for your support. Your encouragement has meant so much to me, especially as there were so many RL stressors in my life during the posting of this story._

 _I cannot ever say enough about kiwihipp, who has tirelessly read through 36 chapters of this AU without anything but a thanks. So, as a way of demonstrating my gratitude, I have written a story upon her request. It will begin in 1911 and be about Carlisle and Esme. On kiwihipp's behalf, Carlisle will have even more heart, and thus be braver, than he was in Even More Heart. I have yet to come up with a summary yet, or even a title, but I would say that it's about Carlisle's struggle with being more than a man of science. Likely I won't start posting it till late June/early July. I look forward to you enjoying that story when it starts.  
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 _As always, please share me your thoughts. A writer is nothing but a hobbiest without readers._

 _P.S. (14Oct17) I was talking with Goldielover about how Bella and Edward's relationship is left unresolved at the end of this chapter, and I told her that_ _in my head had planned writing a third story from this AU that would be in Edward's or Bella's pov about 2007, but as the first two parts (ALMH and then this one) received so little readership, it seemed like there wasn't an audience for it, so I didn't write it. However, if there is enough people interested, even though it's a theme other writers have already explored, then I might be persuaded to write it. ;-)  
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 _P.S.S. (11 June 18) A few people have asked for a third installment, so I started an outline, but am stuck. Maybe after the new Esme and Carlisle story is posted I'll be inspired once more._


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